Original subtitles

(screen whirring)

(waves rumbling)

(upbeat music)

Welcome back to "Finance and Flirt".

If you don't know me, I am the Six Figure King, Kurt.

In this community, we like to explore the intersection

of money matters and matters of the heart.

Trust me, I'm very credible.

In that chat, you are active today.

(upbeat music)

[Haley] Let's do it again and call you Henry.

- What are you saying? - So

coming up here- - Yeah, yeah.

[Driver] This is like the main part of Hollywood, so

[Henry] Okay.

[Driver] On behalf of Hollywood, welcome.

[Henry] LA baby!

Yay!

(both squeaking)

(kiss smooching)

I'd appreciate it if you could blur my face out, please.

(upbeat music)

(ominous music)

- LA, baby. - Yeah.

Oh my goodness, she looks so LA right now.

(people cheering) Come on!

I love you.

I love you too.

(ominous music)

(Haley screaming)

Henry. (ominous tense music)

Henry!

Listen, someone's broken into our house.

(leaves rustling)

(tense music) (Haley gasping)

Henry!

(glass cracks) (hits thudding)

(tense music)

So last week we talked dating.

We discussed the Miami method.

But this week, boy, do I have a treat for you babies.

As you know, it ain't cheap to be a gangster.

So, once in a while,

just once in a while, make a couple extra cheddar cheese,

buckarooskies, you know, I drive around town.

I was lucky enough to pick up two aspiring starlets

that millions online know as Henry and Haley.

And I see the chat, a couple of you guys know who they are.

They were,

(both squeaking)

(kiss smooching)

The worst.

As you know, this city is filled

with these vacuous influencer types

and they all make the same shitty content.

Thirst traps, avocado toast, prank videos,

and my personal pet peeve, staged BS.

Mostly fellow philanthropic nonsense,

like, giving some poor blind kid colorblind glasses.

The kid can't even fucking see,

why don't you give him some water, you know?

Help his grandma with her cancer treatment, I don't know.

Anyway, sorry, I'm getting a little worked up here.

These people, (chuckles) these people,

they just took it to another level and not in the cool way.

This one took a deep, deep dive team.

(Kurt panting)

(door rattling)

Unlocked.

Oh.

Oh shit.

Geez, Henry, buy some more cameras, God.

This one's a fucking antique.

I gotta figure out how I could process this stuff.

Are these fucking body cams?

This one looks burnt.

Fire.

(Kurt panting)

(door thuds)

Someone there?

Before you even say it, those were 100% deep fakes.

I would never break into some douche bag influencer's house.

I mean, I'm just not that kind of guy.

The reason we're here today, I uh,

I made a little edit last night.

If I'm being completely honest, I was high off my ass.

So it's almost gonna be like I'm watching it

with you for the first time.

I legitimately don't remember anything I did last night.

Just sit back, you know, relax, make some popcorn,

pop in those fucking AirPods.

And,

let's just see what,

what we have in store.

Let me pull up the video real quick.

Yeah, without further ado babies,

sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

(screen whirring)

I'm so excited to show you this house today.

It is one of my favorites.

We walk into the living room, dining room, open floor plan,

plenty of room for entertaining.

Look, there's even space for a dance floor.

I'm feeling a party coming on.

Through the kitchen,

and we make our way out to this gorgeous outdoor area,

tiki bar, jacuzzi, pool,

perfectly manicured lawn, grill, fire pit,

outdoor studio.

This place has everything.

If you're looking for the Southern California lifestyle,

look no further.

I will say Oak Bridge is a weird place to move to,

I hadn't even heard of it.

It's a tiny enclave in an area you may have heard of,

The Valley!

Yeah chat, I am not cringe, what the fuck?

Whatever, anyway, as you all know,

LA is full of strange little nooks and crannies.

And this place is definitely no exception.

Get this, it has about 500 residents.

Not one house is sold in 35 years,

only passed down within families.

And perhaps most crazy,

there are only 20 second names which are registered.

And don't even get me started on the first names.

There's Bartholomew, Alice, Solomon,

Are we in the Bible times?

Whatever.

It's just a weird place to live,

I mean, we've all been there.

It's just that,

you know, most folks don't make a whole theater

about being pursued by,

I almost spoiled it again.

Anyway, back to the movie, back to the movie.

Are you ready for beautiful LA?

'Cause it's ready for you.

(bright music)

(key clinking)

What a find.

What do you guys think?

Whoa, steady on that lads, steady on.

I'll be bringing Haley with me, remember her?

The love of my life.

The real question is,

who's gonna come party with us in LA when we move?

Baby, baby!

I'm live.

Haley Bug, come say hi.

It's Haley bug everyone.

Hey, everyone!

How are y'all doing?

Y'all.

I love the way you guys speak.

Sorry, y'all speak.

So baby, are you excited, the idea of moving to California?

I know, I know, you're a Texas girl,

but didn't you always say you wanna drive the PCH

in an open top?

Baby!

Y'all, I told him that on our very first date.

I can't believe you remembered.

I remember everything baby, because I love you.

Henry.

This man, is making all my dreams come true.

I honestly didn't think I could love him

more than I did yesterday.

I think it's safe to say

we'll be driving up the PCH this summer.

- But shh. - Shh.

Don't tell my friends in Dallas, okay?

(kiss smooching)

This is so nice, baby, and I love you.

Alright everybody, we'll see you in a few weeks in LA,

driving the PCH, open top, pool parties, tiki bar.

It's gonna be a good fucking time with Henry and

Haley.

- Bye! - Bye!

(upbeat music)

Hey, guys.

Haley and Henry here.

LA baby!

We are currently headed to the Airport.

Airport, Airport. - Airport.

Y'all, I feel like once we get there too,

we're gonna have to go car shopping.

Or are we just gonna get this one sent over?

I don't know.

We can let you guys decide.

If this video, gets, what, how many?

[Henry] Million a day.

Millie?

- Millie. - Okay, we'll go for a Millie.

[Henry] Easy Millie.

Easy, Millie.

If this video gets a million views

and I need you guys to help,

Henry's gonna get Haley a brand new car.

[Henry] LA, baby.

Is that a deal?

[Henry] Deal.

Okay, you guys hear it.

(kiss smooching)

Anything you want, baby, you're my princess,

you know that.

LA, baby!

(Haley squealing)

(door thuds)

Are you nervous?

Stop, Henry.

We made it!

What are you doing?

- [Henry] Tell me. - Waiting on the Uber.

Ladies and gentlemen, there's my Henry.

The goofiest of the goofballs.

(upbeat music)

So do you care if you're on our channel at all,

or is that okay?

Awesome, because you were amazing.

Thanks, dude.

Finally, oh my God! (door thuds)

Oh my God!

[Haley] Thank you so much.

LA, baby!

[Haley] Yes!

Can you pop the trunk?

[Henry] Paradise!

[Haley] Babe.

[Henry] Paradise!

Oh yeah.

(Haley chuckles)

You know you're my paradise.

[Haley] You know, for you

[Henry] Oh, look at these big strong arms.

Mm, look at those guys.

Oh, oh, oh.

So sexy.

Stop!

I got it, I got it, I got it.

Take this bad boy back.

I got you baby.

My princess.

My Texan princess. (Haley chuckles)

Let's do it.

(suitcases whirring)

[Haley] Easy, easy with the suitcases, baby.

Like, jeez!

(Henry grunts) - Hi!

[Henry] Oh.

Howdy, neighbor.

Okay then, bye now.

What a weirdo.

[Haley] Shh, he'll hear you.

So how do we get in?

[Henry] I think they said it was hidden

somewhere on the porch.

There we go.

[Haley] Did she, like, say where it would be, or

[Henry] I think it'll be, like,

under one of the freaking pots or something.

[Haley] I mean, of course.

[Henry] Oh, this guy, maybe.

[Haley] Oh, God!

That stinks.

Yeah, I think it's in this.

Are you sure?

I'm sure I felt it.

Do the honors then.

Mm-mm, no thanks.

Okay, anything for you, Haley bug.

Wait, what if there's something in it?

[Henry] Like what?

I don't know, like a, like a spider,

or a black widow or something.

Would you just be serious for a second?

No?

Okay, just get the damn key.

I think I got it.

Oh!

(Henry grunts)

(Henry choking)

You're not funny, Henry.

Henry?

(Henry choking)

Wait. (tense music)

(Henry shouts)

[Henry] Gotcha.

Fucking dick.

The black widow got me!

[Haley] Fuck you.

[Henry] I got the key.

Yeah, I guess I added in some music last night.

Not only do I easily make six figures a year

and pull your mom,

but looks like I'm a professional scorist now too, so.

Please.

I got the key.

I'm sorry, like, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Seriously, seriously,

all this, all this noise, all this bullshit,

you are the love of my life,

and I'm living the life of my dreams.

I'm serious.

Just come, come, come.

It's all about you.

It's always been about you.

Okay?

(door thuds)

I'll take the bags, just remember the camera.

[Haley] Yeah.

Okay.

Baby, you got to check this out!

Look at it!

Didn't I do good?

Look at that! - Wowsie!

Look at this place!

- And now for the boudoir. - Oh!

Let's see where the magic's gonna happen, y'all.

[Henry] Whoa, you got a freaking ring light.

- Holy shit! - You do auditions.

[Henry] It's like they made it for us.

[Haley] Oh, look at the little sign.

[Henry] That's super cute.

[Haley] Oh, we gotta write her a thank you note.

[Henry] What the heck is all this stuff?

- Get all this. - Oh my goodness.

You know what this means?

You know what this means?

Fashion show! (Haley laughs)

Fashion shot, fashion show, fashion show!

You got it.

Oh, no, this is the better spot, better spot.

Yeah, it is.

Oh, if I can balance.

[Haley] Oh!

[Henry] Oh yeah.

[Haley] Look at, these look real.

I think they are, baby.

Who would just leave it?

Only the best for you.

Only the best for you.

Did this all in the research I did, you know?

Wow!

Oh my goodness, she looks so LA right now.

Oh my God.

(indistinct)

Well, howdy ma'am?

What brings you into town?

Oh, Sheriff, I have had the most horrible day.

Horrible day?

- Horrible. - Horrible.

I was attacked on the road by bandits and

Tell me more.

Unfortunately, I have no money for my room at the saloon.

I'm just wondering, what could I do to make this right?

[Henry] I can't possibly imagine.

Couldn't imagine.

Turn that off.

(romantic gentle music)

(camera beeps)

So cute, you've never taken your necklace off.

(Henry exhales)

(Haley laughs)

Stop.

Stop, Henry.

You know what we gotta do now?

What?

(ominous music)

Pool!

Jesus Christ, Henry.

[Henry] You're not coming?

[Haley] Well, maybe if you point that thing

in a different direction, and I can put something on.

You're not gonna do the same?

[Henry] This is California, baby.

Skinny dipping is practically their religion here.

And I'm gonna waste no time assimilating into the culture!

Nakey times with Henry and Haley.

Woo, woo, woo!

(door clicks)

Ooh shit, okay, alright!

Now we're talking.

Woo!

Hello there.

LA, baby!

Woo-hoo!

Oh yeah, tiki bar, tiki bar!

Yeah.

Here she is everyone, the piece de resistance.

Mm-mm.

[Haley] Baby, be careful.

[Henry] Baby Moby Dick.

[Haley] Maybe you should put that down.

[Henry] Okay baby, Whatever you say.

Anything for you, baby.

I got you, I got you.

My princess.

(Haley chuckles)

[Haley] Woo, try not to blot on the camera.

[Henry] Funny see you already working on my time, baby?

Give it a week.

[Haley] And try not to show off

little Henry Junior, okay?

We don't wanna get banned again.

Okay.

If I remember correctly, it was a little Haley Junior

that got us in trouble last time.

I love you.

[Haley] I love you too.

[Henry] Count me down?

[Haley] Three, two, one!

[Henry] Geronimo!

(water splashing)

(Haley laughing)

[Haley] Henry, who the fuck is that?

Henry?

Somebody's here.

Henry? (ominous music)

Henry.

(ominous music)

Henry?

Henry!

Henry!

(ominous music)

- What? - Who's that?

Who? (ominous tense music)

[Haley] That.

[Henry] What the fuck?

Dude, get out of here.

(ominous tense music)

[Haley] Oh no.

[Henry] Oh my goodness.

[Haley] Baby be careful.

[Henry] Yeah, yeah.

What the fuck is that?

[Haley] Seriously, what is that?

Okay, I'm changing my mind,

maybe just leave it where it's at.

(tense music) (Haley gasps)

- Oh my goodness. - Not funny.

- See this guy. - It's ugly.

Hey, Haley!

[Haley] I don't know,

I'm feeling a little weird about this, Henry.

This?

It's a scarecrow.

[Haley] No, that's not a scarecrow, baby.

I grew up on a farm, that's, that's something else.

Baby, it's literally made a straw.

It couldn't hurt you.

[Haley] Then why is it here?

In LA, in the middle of the fucking city behind a hedge?

Scaring away the birds.

Okay, okay.

This is an influencer house, right?

It's a prank.

It's a prank, oh my goodness!

Oh my God, I bet there's camera's somewhere.

I bet there's camera's somewhere.

Let me see if we can find him, okay?

How do I look?

How'd I look?

I was fricking naked, baby.

You're unbelievable, you know that?

- Was he a good size? - Shut up.

[Henry] I don't see him, I don't see him.

Can we just contact the realtor?

Do you have her number?

[Henry] Yeah, inside, I guess, somewhere, I don't know.

He's fine, baby, look at him, he's fine.

He's not gonna hurt a fly.

He's kinda cute.

[Haley] Look, can we just leave?

Go anywhere, do something like you wanted to do.

[Henry] Okay.

Can I get changed first?

Can you be quick?

[Henry] Yeah.

Love you, baby.

Don't let this scarecrow eat you!

(ominous tense music)

[Haley] You are scary.

(ominous tense music)

(tense music)

[Henry] Are you ready?

Woo!

You okay?

[Haley] What are we gonna do about that?

Ah, we'll deal with it later.

I'll look after that.

Oh, my bad, I got you.

Anything you need.

Anything you need, baby.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I got you.

Okay?

(kiss smooching) Mwah.

Let's do this!

LA, baby!

(indistinct)

That Scarecrow looks like it's from

fucking Party City USA, dude.

Look at that thing.

(car rumbling)

[Driver] You guys from around here?

[Haley] We just moved here.

[Driver] Huh, how do you like it?

[Haley] I mean, it's

[Henry] First day.

First day, yeah.

[Driver] Yeah.

Well, welcome.

- Thank you. - Welcome,

on behalf of Hollywood. (Haley laughing)

[Henry] So, this is Hollywood?

Yep, this is it.

Welcome to Tinseltown.

Do you like that right there?

[Henry] So, where's the Hollywood site?

[Driver] Uh, that way.

(car rumbling)

[Henry] Okay.

Honey Walk of Fame, baby, that's gonna be us soon.

[Haley] Oh my God, I can't wait to have a star.

Oh yeah, you already are a star.

(horn honks) - Get out the way!

So, coming up here

[Henry] Yeah, yeah.

Is like the main part of Hollywood, so

[Henry] Okay.

[Driver] On behalf of Hollywood, welcome.

[Henry] LA, baby!

Yay!

(both squeaking)

(kiss smooching)

I'd appreciate it if you could blur my face out, please.

[Henry] We'll blur your face, don't worry.

How do we go to the beach?

How much it takes you to go there?

[Driver] That'll be another hundred dollars.

Wait, what?

75 minutes?

- [Henry] What? - Yeah, it's rush hour.

[Henry] Okay.

Is there anything closer that's cool?

(pensive music)

Yeah.

[Haley] I mean, Henry, this is pretty cool.

[Henry] Mhm.

[Haley] Now, Henry, come on, don't act like that.

We just got here,

of course we're still figuring things out, honey.

It's all right.

I mean, think about it.

There's, what, five million people in this city?

They've all gotta go somewhere to make content, right?

Right, baby.

I'm gonna find the party.

(bird squawking) (ominous music)

- Babe? - Mhm.

[Haley] I think that guy over there is just staring at us.

(ominous music)

[Henry] That nerd over there?

Don't worry.

If he comes over here, I'll take care of him.

I found the party.

Let's go, baby.

(glasses clinking)

Thanks for coming this adventure with me, Haley bug.

- Thank you for bringing me. - I love you.

(kiss smooching) - I love you too.

(glasses clinking)

(Haley laughs)

Yo, thanks for doing that, buddy.

Appreciate you, man.

Subscribe.

(Haley laughs)

(pot thuds)

(pot thuds)

[Haley] Got to get perfect

(pot thuds)

Spot.

Can you not film me right now, please?

[Haley] Why don't you come sit with me, baby?

Can I do this first?

It doesn't, it's not right.

Henry, I said no.

(Haley laughs)

Come on.

Relax!

It's okay, it's okay.

It's our first day here.

We're in this amazing house, in this beautiful neighborhood.

Just gotta find our feet, okay?

Okay?

Okay, okay.

We do have to still worry about that thing out there.

Oh fuck.

You didn't call the realtor, did you?

Tomorrow, first thing.

Promise?

(both poofing)

Relax.

I don't like seeing you like this.

Yeah?

Okay.

You're okay.

(tense ominous music)

(Henry exhales)

I don't know why I'm filming this.

I can't go to sleep.

Just can't stop thinking about that thing.

(ominous music)

Okay.

(ominous music)

(footsteps thudding)

(ominous music)

Well, that's not creepy at all.

(ominous music)

(door creaking)

(ominous music)

Did y'all hear that?

(object rustling) (ominous music)

It's a little late for the neighbors to be sweeping, right?

(ominous music)

(object rustling) (ominous music)

Come on, Haley.

(object rustling) (ominous music)

(tense music)

Jesus fuck, Henry.

[Henry] What are you doing?

[Haley] I don't see the scarecrow.

[Henry] Okay, probably blew over.

[Haley] How would it have blown over?

[Henry] It weighed like a stone.

[Haley] A stone?

[Henry] Seven kilograms?

- British fucking lingo. - Got an idea.

I don't know.

There's something weird going on and I don't like it.

[Henry] Okay baby.

Let daddy Henry take care of you.

I'll go deal with the big scarecrow.

It's okay, I'll be careful.

Always.

(door thuds)

Look at this space.

Look at that.

Grab this guy.

Oh shit, oh shit.

Oh shit.

Yes baby.

Look at this, whoa!

Oh my God.

LA, baby.

LA, baby.

Okay, the scarecrow one begins.

(footsteps rustling)

(ominous music)

(creature screams)

(tense ominous music)

[Haley] The fuck was that?

[Henry] I don't know, someone having a good time, I guess.

[Haley] What?

[Henry] Oh.

Baby, the scarecrow, we found him.

He has been found!

[Haley] Baby, it wasn't there before the scream.

And how would it get right there?

[Henry] It was here.

It's windy, baby.

It blew over.

[Haley] Baby, that's so far.

I'm telling you, it wasn't there until after the screaming.

But you know that's impossible, right?

(ominous music)

The one thing I love about Haley,

is she's got a big, beautiful imagination.

(ominous music)

(tense ominous music)

[Haley] Did it move again?

[Henry] No.

No, it's okay.

Let's just go to bed.

Let's just go to bed.

Come on, let's go.

You're scared.

[Henry] No, I'm just cold.

I'm tired.

I just wanna go to bed, okay?

Just, just go to bed, please.

(ominous music)

(tense ominous music) (Henry gasps)

(tense ominous music)

(footsteps thudding)

I'm kind of on the fence.

I think, I think she might not be in the know.

And again, chat, like, you know,

people like this are really good at acting

and faking shit all the time.

I mean, she's probably faked every orgasm

she's had with this guy.

I mean, you really think this guy can make a girl, you know,

whatever. (upbeat music)

(camera beeps)

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah, LA baby, and we in LA.

Oh yeah.

(door knocking)

Oh, I think I know who that is.

I think I know who that is.

Baby?

(door knocking)

(door thuds)

Oh shit.

Haley?

(door clicks)

Hey.

Hey!

[Henry] Eleanor, right?

That's right, Henry.

[Henry] Sorry, hope you don't mind that I'm filming.

You, you look good on camera, so.

Thanks.

[Henry] Can I help?

I got your texts about some monster.

[Henry] Monster, monster.

Oh, right.

Yeah, my girl...

There was this thing in the back, kind of creepy.

Yeah.

But I'm sure you can put my mind at ease.

How about we go take a look?

[Henry] Okay, I'll meet you around the side.

Haley?

Haley?

So where is this,

monster?

[Henry] Right there.

[Realtor] Oh.

[Henry] Ooh!

Must have been left from the last tenants.

All sorts of creative types here.

[Henry] I mean, yeah, he's fine, look at him.

He's a cutie.

[Realtor] I've got to get this on camera.

[Henry] Oh, yeah.

(realtor chuckles)

He's fine, he's a cutie, yeah.

I'll have the gardener move it next week.

He comes every week.

But don't worry.

It's included in the rent.

[Henry] All right.

You don't seem too worried.

Well, you know, I feel like we're in safe hands.

As long as you can promise me there's no monsters

under any of the beds or any of the closets.

I think you could fight them off.

(ominous music)

(indistinct)

(camera whirring)

[Henry] Bye.

(door thuds)

(footsteps thudding)

Oh my gosh, dude.

(upbeat music)

Exactly, see what I'm saying?

Poster boy, couple, whatever you want to call it,

but, this is what the man's doing off camera.

(door thuds)

[Henry] Oh, Sleeping Beauty has arisen, folks!

(Haley chuckles) - Hey!

[Henry] Who are you talking to?

Mama.

See, that's what I love about Haley.

She's all about the family values.

You know, I love my mama.

[Haley] You wanna come for some breakfast, baby?

Mm, sure.

[Henry] Milady?

Thank you, sir.

[Henry] You're so welcome.

Oh, it smells good.

What did you make?

All the messages.

Is breakfast that amazing, y'all?

[Henry] Yeah, I'm made it.

Aw, babe!

It's so cute!

Oh my God, thank you.

Love that.

(kisses smooching)

Oh my gosh, starving!

I realize I haven't eaten since yesterday.

Make sure you eat kids.

[Henry] It's a new kitchen, real nice.

[Haley] What's wrong?

[Henry] I guess the place has seen a little action.

(ominous music)

What is it, baby?

You know what, guys?

I think we're gonna nosh on our grub.

We'll talk to you soon, okay?

Haley and Henry out, baby!

Bye!

(camera beeps)

[Henry] I'm gonna, I'm gonna take a shower.

[Haley] You're not gonna eat with me?

I'm just not really feeling it, okay?

I love you.

[Haley] Love you too.

Okay, I'll be out here.

(ominous music) (kiss smooching)

(ominous music)

Go get that tushy clean.

(Haley laughing) (ominous music)

(ominous music)

(door thuds)

(tense ominous music)

(Henry exhaling)

Okay, okay.

Let's find some fucking trousers.

(Henry exhaling)

Alright, I got some trunks, LA, baby.

Haley!

Haley, you out there baby?

Haley?

(ominous music)

Haley, you in there?

How are the pancakes?

(ominous music)

Haley?

(ominous music)

Haley, baby?

(door clicks)

(ominous music)

(door thuds)

(ominous music)

(Haley screams) Oh, my God!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

[Henry] I think I probably deserve that at this point.

You did, but look, look at what I found.

Right? - Okay.

[Henry] Oh, it'll last us a few weeks.

Or one really great night.

- Okay. - Look, hear me out.

I know you've been feeling a little down, okay?

And so, I decided to just go ahead

and invite a few people over, have a little party,

get y'all cheered up.

Who do you invite?

Just a few people.

Not the fans, right?

Maybe.

What?

You love the

I just wouldn't invite all of them,

you know, some of them and, you know.

What's the matter?

Come on, it'll be fun!

- Yeah, okay. - You deserve some fun.

- Okay. - Let's do it.

- Okay. - Okay?

Okay.

(camera beeps)

Hey y'all!

We're live!

Party tonight at Haley and Henry's.

We got this great spot for y'all.

Be there or be square.

We got a tiki bar, we got a grill, there's a big backyard.

There's a big old beautiful pool and,

you know, you should just come on out, okay?

And big old, beautiful Haley!

See, I like that.

(Kiss smooching) I like that.

Okay y'all, we'll see y'all soon.

(camera beeps)

Let's see how the party planning is going.

Hey, baby!

Hey!

Make sure they see who's doing all the work, okay?

Yeah, yeah. (Haley laughs)

(sweeper rustling)

(Henry exhaling)

Fuck him.

Got some footy in later, baby.

(Henry exhaling)

(tense ominous music)

What the fuck?

(tense ominous music) (birds squawking)

(tense ominous music)

Hey, baby.

[Haley] Yeah.

[Henry] Maybe get the drinks going, you know?

They're coming soon, right?

[Haley] Yeah, okay.

(tense ominous music)

(shovel thudding) (tense ominous music)

(Henry exhales)

(tense ominous music) (footsteps thudding)

(tense ominous music)

(Henry exhales)

(tense ominous music)

(spoon clacking)

Hey, baby.

[Henry] Hey.

(spoon clacking)

Everything okay?

- [Henry] Yeah. - Okay.

[Henry] When do people arrive?

Soon.

(spoon clacking)

(people cheering) (upbeat music)

Okay, guys.

Thank you guys for coming out.

You guys have made our welcome party here

more than fantastic, okay? (upbeat music)

So we've got drinks,

we've got some dogs going on the grill later,

and I want everybody to have a good time.

Y'all are here with Haley and Henry.

(people cheering) (upbeat music)

Yo, guys, I got some big news last night.

I saw we got 500,000 subscribers, baby!

(people cheering)

Come on, baby! (upbeat music)

That would not have been the case

without each and every one of you motherfuckers,

so thank you so much for being here.

Thanks for supporting us all the way through.

Henry and Haley, baby!

(upbeat music)

[Partygoer] Only hombres!

Apparently, this guy is the grill daddy,

so we gotta get him on the grill later.

That is true, grill daddy!

Big dig Willie.

This is, this is his Instagram handle, baby.

Follow him.

(people chattering)

(upbeat music)

Hey!

Let's go! (upbeat music)

So we have one of our biggest fans,

but she's not just a fan, she's one of my best friends.

Finally got out to LA to get with her.

I missed her.

Yes, and please follow me as well.

(upbeat music)

- I like that! - [Haley] There you go!

And our oldest friend! (people cheering)

We're not even on camera.

You guys, I got 5,000 subscribers in one hour last week.

I know, I know, yeah.

So listen, if you guys want any followers,

I can you know, send somebody away.

That's me and Haley's little (indistinct)

We got it on our first anniversary there.

Picture of Haley.

You know what I'm saying?

Cheers, guys. (partygoers laughing)

- Hello! - We made it!

500,000 followers.

That's all you, that's all you.

No, it's you.

It's this guy.

He's so (smooches) amazing.

I'm so proud of you.

You okay, baby? - Yeah.

[Haley] Okay.

This girl has been following Haley since the beginning.

You guys went to like high school together, right?

Mhm.

- That's awesome. - Yeah.

She was like a senior when I was like a freshman, so

Awesome, you've been looking up to her for a while.

- Yeah. - Sweet.

It's kind of crazy that you guys, like,

reached this milestone and I got to see everything,

literally everything, so.

That's really cool.

And you guys are like into like theater and shit like that?

- Yeah. - It's so cool, I love that.

It's such a theater.

Yeah.

Shakespeare and whatnot. (partygoer chuckles)

(door knocking)

[Officer] Let's go check up from there.

[Officer] Yeah, that's a good idea.

Alright.

(door knocking) (upbeat music)

(door clicks) (upbeat music)

Can I help officer?

Have we got a noise complaint?

(cup clattering)

(upbeat music)

[Officer] I came here to warn you.

- Warn? - Uh-huh.

I don't think you should be drawing

too much attention to yourself in this neighborhood.

So you're not shutting us down?

[Officer] No, I'm not shutting you down.

What I'd like to do

is to tell you- Alright, have great night.

(door thuds)

[Partygoer] Do you live here now,

or are you still doing theater in Texas?

[Haley] No, I'm here.

[Partygoer] Yeah?

How, how good is it getting in the scene?

'Cause like I really miss being on the stage.

[Partygoer] Oh

Yeah, I mean, to be honest,

I don't want to be a freaking influencer forever, you know?

I have more to offer.

[Partygoer] You wanna go back to acting?

Yes.

I think you should.

I really miss it.

You were like, you were really inspirational

(partygoer chuckles)

Sorry.

Thank you so much. (both chuckling)

Hey! (partygoer laughing)

We'll go pee and we'll take a shot to that.

We should!

[Haley] Yeah, yeah.

Let's do it. - Let's get it!

(both laughing)

Oh, hey!

You filming?

Hey, y'all!

Hope you're having fun at the party.

You okay, dude?

[Partygoer] Found the crows yet?

The crows?

[Partygoer] They give him his power.

(ominous music)

What are you talking about?

[Partygoer] Him.

(ominous music)

You are scared.

And not as scared as you should be.

(ominous music)

Are you true?

What the are fuck you talking about, dude?

Listen, you need to back off, okay?

[Partygoer] Are you true?

Am I true?

I'm truly gonna punch you in the face

if you don't back up off of me.

(ominous music)

(door thuds)

(camera beeps)

Listen, you, you need to leave, okay?

You're practically harassing me at this point.

I'll get Henry.

(door thuds)

(ominous music)

You would better hope that this is not

who you really are, Haley Janice.

How do you know my full name?

[Partygoer] I've been here before.

I've been you.

(ominous music)

Your boyfriend is a vapid, empty vessel of bullshit and sin.

But I think you're different.

I guess we'll see.

(ominous music)

(door thuds)

(upbeat music)

(people chattering)

[Haley] Where is this scarecrow?

(upbeat music)

(door knocking)

Who is it? (door knocking)

Who is it?

It's occupied.

[Partygoer] Please, needs to throw up.

(door clicks) (footsteps thudding)

(partygoer heaving) (door thuds)

Baby, you okay?

[Haley] Where's the scarecrow?

I don't know outside, I guess.

Where's the scarecrow?

[Henry] Oh, outside, where we left it.

It's not outside.

Okay, so someone moved it, someone from the party.

I don't know, it's good.

It's fucking creeping us both out anyway.

Let's just, just

I know you're lying.

And you're scared.

What did you do?

(tense ominous music) Jesus Christ.

Where's the scarecrow?

It's not there?

[Haley] No, it's gone.

[Henry] I put it back there.

Someone from the party?

[Haley] Do you really believe that?

What else could it be?

(Kyle coughing)

Kyle?

Kyle? (Kyle coughing)

What is wrong with you, people?

Kyle? (Kyle coughing)

Kyle?

Come on. (Kyle coughing)

Don't just stand there, help me.

(tense ominous music)

Why are you just filming this?

Henry, help!

(Kyle coughing) (tense music)

Oh my God.

Did you see that?

That was crazy.

That was crazy.

Did you see that?

Did you, did you get that? (tense ominous music)

Crazy.

Yeah, no, that was real.

Unfortunately, I was pretty real.

Oh my God.

[Partygoer] Trouble in paradise.

Were you really

Hey everyone.

It's gonna be a little bit of a late upload

for this video, I think.

(Henry sniffs)

I've got some things I need to say to my better half.

Thank you everyone who came to the party tonight.

It was fun.

(chair creaking)

Hey, baby.

I'm sorry about everything that happened.

Are you seriously fucking filming this?

- You're right, okay. - No!

Leave it.

They can hear.

These people, fuck them.

Tonight was bullshit, Henry.

They were gonna let Kyle die for views.

Of course, someone was gonna

No, you were filming too.

I can't believe that you've turned into

Let's just leave.

What?

Let's leave, this isn't right.

None of this is fucking right.

Let's leave right now, Haley.

Can we leave?

Baby, I know that that happened, but it's okay.

It's the scarecrow, isn't it?

Oh, God.

Baby, you're shaking.

You're terrified.

It is like you said,

it's literally scarecrow made of straw.

(ominous music)

That's why you put it behind the shed.

I figured you would've had it out at the party for the

I didn't move it.

You didn't move it?

Did, did you see it again?

(ominous music)

Can you check for me, please, Haley?

Can you just check by the pool house, please?

Thank you.

(ominous music)

(Haley gasps)

What is it?

What is it?

Oh, that's not right.

That's not fricking right.

That's not right.

- That, that- - That isn't right.

[Haley] That's not real.

Like, that's a prank, right?

(tense ominous music)

[Henry] No, that shouldn't be there.

Where's the scarecrow?

The scarecrows is fucking

[Haley] Baby, baby, listen, listen.

It's like you said, it's like you said,

it was probably one of these fuckers from the party, right?

Right, just trying to play a little prank

on Haley and Henry. - We gotta go,

we just gotta go, we gotta go, we're gonna go.

Sit down, sit down.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Sit, sit.

(Henry panting)

It's all right.

(phone vibrating)

Who the

Hold. (phone vibrating)

It's Kyle. (phone vibrating)

Maybe he's calling to say thank you, that asshole.

Hey, Kyle.

You doing okay?

(static fizzing)

Kyle. (static fizzing)

Kyle, this isn't funny, dude.

This isn't a fucking prank house, okay?

You can't just (static fizzing)

(phone thuds)

Fuck, what is wrong with these people, Henry?

Okay, yeah.

Let's go.

We'll leave tonight and let's get packing.

(door thuds)

(tense ominous music)

Or we just get a hotel,

and we come back for our shit tomorrow.

[Henry] Sounds good.

Just get the cameras.

[Haley] Okay.

Fuck, my phone broke.

- Okay. - Okay.

[Henry] Open it!

I can't, it's like jammed or something.

What the hell. (door rattling)

Fuck. (door rattling)

What the hell?

[Haley] Listen, it's okay, we'll just go around back.

[Henry] Wait, wait wait, wait, wait.

What the is our fucking neighbor out front?

- Hey! - Wait

[Haley] Please come help us.

Maybe the light will get his attention.

[Henry] Can you help us out, man?

Okay, this isn't right.

This, this guy, no

[Haley] Okay, we'll just, we'll go around back.

He's not a bad- Whoa, whoa!

(tense ominous music)

I didn't close that.

(door thuds)

What the fuck was that?

Okay, where, where, where's your phone?

[Henry] It died at the party.

- What do you mean? - It's dead.

[Haley] Oh my God.

[Henry] Yours is broken,

yours is broken. - Okay, okay.

Listen, listen, listen.

There's, there's a charger in the office, okay?

[Henry] Let's go, let's go, let's go.

(tense ominous music)

(door thuds)

(tense ominous music)

[Henry] We're trapped in here.

We're safe as long as we're together, okay?

Come on, come on. (Haley panting)

Baby, what's wrong?

You're acting weird.

(door creaking)

Maybe it was loose.

Come on.

[Henry] He's here.

I've not been true.

What did you just say?

(ominous music)

[Henry] I've not been true.

(ominous music)

Henry, what are you doing?

Were you talking to one of those weirdos at the party?

(ominous music)

(creature thudding and hissing)

We gotta get out of here.

Okay, okay.

It has reception, but it's not calling out, Henry.

What's going on?

Where are you going? (ominous music)

Henry?

Henry?

(ominous music) (door creaking)

(phone dinging)

I thought you said it was fully dead.

Henry?

Henry, where are you?

(tense music)

Henry? (tense music)

Why isn't this working?

Live streaming here, guys.

Listen, someone's broken into our house.

Anyone who was at the party, please, please call the police

and send them to our address, okay?

Henry?

Henry?

Henry.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry, Haley.

You didn't deserve any of this.

[Haley] Listen, we gotta go, okay?

(tense ominous music)

Did you put that there?

[Henry] That's a warning, to be true.

[Haley] What are you talking about?

Listen, we've gotta go, come on.

[Henry] It's pointless, can't you see?

I'm empty, baby.

Baby, now's not the time

to have a fucking existential crisis, okay?

We've gotta go!

Listen, guys, there, there's something wrong with Henry.

I, I don't know. - Guys, guys.

It's okay.

Just a little pranky poo.

Little pranky poo from Haley Bug.

What?

No, no, this is real.

Guys, please, I don't know what's wrong with Henry,

but please, send help!

Why did you put that there?

Henry!

What is wrong with you?

Because it's about to begin.

[Haley] Henry, what's about to begin?

(tense ominous music)

Let him go! (tense music)

(Hailey coughs) (tense ominous music)

Get off of him, get off of him.

(hit thuds) (tense ominous music)

Please, someone help! (glass shattering)

Fuck, my hand. (Haley panting)

If anyone can hear me, please help, help us!

Henry? (screen garbling)

[Henry] Okay, it's time to go.

- Where- - Are you ready?

[Haley] Where are you going?

Where are you taking him?

Please, Henry! (screen garbling)

Henry, look, you're live!

You're live!

Look your fans, they wanna talk to you.

They wanna talk to Henry and Haley.

Go back to Texas, baby.

Do what you love.

[Haley] But I love you.

No.

No, she doesn't.

No, you don't.

- Yes, I do. - Tell him you don't love me.

You don't love me, you know you don't fucking love me.

[Haley] Yes, I do.

Is this thing in your head? - Tell me you don't.

You're not a liar. - Is he talking to you?

You're not a fucking liar.

Tell him you don't love me.

She doesn't love me.

You don't love me.

[Haley] If he's gonna take you,

he's gonna have to take me too.

No!

No, get off of her, get off of her!

Get off of her!

You don't love me. - Open it!

[Henry] Haley, don't lie to me because I've lied to you.

I love you, but I've done bad things.

I promise. - [Haley] Go!

[Henry] Tell him you don't love me.

You know deep down I'm not a good guy.

You're better than this. - Please.

- You're better than me. - Help!

- Tell him, please. - Help us, please.

Why are you all just standing here?

Haley? (tense ominous music)

(hit thuds)

Tell him you don't love me.

Tell him.

I don't love you.

Let her go.

(Katie gasping) - She is true

and can't call for help.

For over a century,

we have acknowledged the authority of the Straw stalker

of Oak Bridge.

We acknowledge in his role as a guide and our judge.

(ominous music)

In his role, keeping our sacred lands free

from deceit, corruption, and lies.

(ominous music)

Do we all live true?

With valor?

(ominous music)

Ask yourselves,

have you

held yourself up? (ominous music)

You might lie to yourself.

[Haley] Are you guys seeing this?

[Solomon] Matters not.

Scarecrow will know.

(ominous music)

[Haley] I think they're gonna kill Henry.

(Solomon exhales)

This is our land, O' reaper of the soil.

I bow to you master, true now as ever.

I am true to you, tiller of terror.

I am the stone of the crow, I am true to you.

I am true to you, O' giver of grain.

Oh my Lord, I am true to you.

I, I...

No, no, I, I'm true.

Solomon, I swear I'm true.

I, I have lived by the tenets, I have never wavered.

[Solomon] It is not me that you need to convince.

Do you question his judgment?

(ominous music)

Please my Lord,

I have only ever been a true believer.

I've brought you this great offering.

How can I have not lived with valor?

[Solomon] This is the sixth offering

that you have enticed in this place, isn't it, Eleanor?

Perhaps you have gotten too close to them.

No, no!

To them, to him, to this filth?

Never.

(Eleanor spits)

Never. (Henry thuds)

(creature growls) (Eleanor groaning)

(tense ominous music)

(creature growling)

(tense ominous music)

[Solomon] You have been judged, guilty.

(tense ominous music) (neck cracks)

(tense ominous music)

Guys, please, please come back to the address, okay?

We just had you all here for the party, just come back.

After party.

Yeah, after party at Henry and Haley's.

See?

See?

Just please come back.

(tense ominous music) (Haley gasping)

(hit thudding)

(Haley gasping)

Hey, stop!

[Solomon] Let it begin.

(tense ominous music) (Henry gagging)

[Haley] Henry? (tense ominous music)

Hey!

Over here. (ominous music)

Is this true?

(hit thudding)

(tense ominous music)

[Henry] Get away, Haley!

Go, come on!

Go, go, go quick!

Please.

You need to get out of here. - Lock the gate.

[Henry] You don't deserve this.

You shouldn't be here. - [Solomon] No escape.

Try to calling for help, maybe the next town will hear.

[Henry] Do better things, Haley.

Go!

She doesn't deserve this.

[Solomon] You would die for a man that you hate?

I don't hate him.

Sometimes I even love him.

[Solomon] Whatever you say.

You know, you truly are nothing like him.

(Henry panting and grunting)

Will of the scarecrow,

it's never truly known, nor understood.

(Henry groans)

So, good luck Haley.

(tense ominous music)

Henry?

(Haley sobbing)

Stay away!

Stay away from me!

(tense ominous music)

Henry, get up!

Get up!

(tense ominous music) (Haley sobbing)

That thing has killed someone.

Did I fake that, huh?

(creature exhaling)

(tense ominous music)

Henry?

Henry? - No, we will never kill him.

[Haley] Henry?

[Henry] Please go and run.

[Haley] Henry?

[Henry] Run away, I deserve this!

I promise, I've been a bad person.

Hey, you deserve so much better.

(Haley gasping)

There we go.

Run!

[Haley] Oh, where's your lighter?

[Henry] I don't know.

Fire's not gonna hurt him.

Fire won't hurt him.

But fire won't hurt- We gotta get in.

(tense ominous music)

(door rattling)

- Stop. - Here, hold on.

Here.

(Haley grunting) (hits thudding)

Jesus- Quiet, try not to

(Haley grunts) Try a handle.

(door thuds)

(tense ominous music)

It's okay.

We need to find a weapon.

Baby, there's no point.

There's no stopping him now.

Him?

Him.

It.

It's a fucking monster, Henry.

In one way or another, we're getting out of here, okay?

Listen, listen.

You wanna be the movie star, right?

Here's your chance, here's the monster.

Here's the damsel on distress,

be the fucking movie star.

- I'll die here- - No, no!

We're both getting out of here alive, okay?

We're gonna call the police and that, that fucking thing

and all the little

(door creaking) (tense ominous music)

It's okay, baby.

It's okay.

(ominous music)

Henry?

It's the end for me,

and it's okay. - No!

- It's okay. - No!

Henry, you're sick.

Maybe somebody at the party drugged you or something.

I don't know, but you're sick.

This isn't you. (ominous music)

I'm calling the police.

(door knocking)

(door thudding)

[Officer] Open up, police!

Police! (door thudding)

[Officer] We're coming in!

Alright, we're gonna just

(radio buzzing)

My radio is not working.

[Officer] Mine's dead too.

Go to the car.

Yeah, call it in.

Okay.

(radio buzzing)

- I got this. - Okay.

Be careful. - Yep.

(radio buzzing)

(door thuds and creaks)

Police.

Hello?

I'm coming in.

Anybody here?

Hello?

(ominous music)

My weapon is drawn, please acknowledge me.

I'm in your house.

Hello?

(ominous music)

(screen garbling)

(ominous music)

Whoever is out there, show yourself.

(ominous music)

What, what the...

What the hell's that?

(ominous music) (gunshot pops)

Ramirez, Ramirez.

Calling for backup.

Ramirez, I want back up right now.

Ramirez!

God dammit.

- Officer- - Freeze!

I said freeze.

You cannot be here.

You're not safe out there.

[Officer] Freeze and get down the ground.

I can't.

- [Officer] Get down on- - You don't understand.

- He's coming officer. - You too, you too.

Get down the ground.

Get down the ground.

- He's coming. - Ramirez!

(tense ominous music)

Ramirez!

(gunshots popping)

Son of a bitch! (gunshots popping)

Goddammit!

(gunshots popping) (tense ominous music)

Son of a bitch!

(tense ominous music)

That's not gonna work.

You have to listen, come on.

Henry, help me.

[Henry] Go!

We gotta get going. (gunshot pops)

[Officer] I'm coming motherfucker!

[Henry] Fucking dammit.

Goddammit it, look out!

[Officer] What are you doing, what are you doing?

What are you doing, what are you doing?

(door thuds) (officer gasping)

[Haley] Henry, your arm.

(officer gasping)

[Officer] What the fuck was that?

It's already killed someone.

[Henry] So did you.

What?

Why would you say that?

[Officer] Okay, okay, okay, okay.

We'll deal with that later.

Right now, we're gonna get that thing.

My radio, it's not working in your place.

It's like something's jamming the signal.

Is this your place?

We're just renting it right now, why?

[Officer] Because the people I hear, they're so weird.

It's like they're stuck in some kind, in the past,

like some kind of bizarre kind of customs.

Hey, the precinct,

I hear these strange stories about...

You know what, never mind.

It's okay, it's okay.

I, I'm here to save you.

Like your friend did.

[Officer] Yeah.

Okay, I'll take care of that.

Officer, you don't understand

Haley. That's not gonna work.

[Henry] Haley.

[Haley] Yes!

Where's your bottle?

I left it outside.

[Officer] Okay.

It's in the hallway, outside the door, right?

Okay.

You're sure?

You're sure?

Okay, let's go get it.

Come on.

[Haley] You've got to be careful, Henry, okay?

I love you.

[Haley] I love you too. (tense music)

[Officer] Come on, come on, come on, come on.

(tense ominous music)

(door thuds)

(tense music)

(indistinct)

(door thuds)

(ominous music) (floorboard creaking)

Hey, kid!

Hey, kid! (ominous music)

Kid! (ominous music)

Officer. (tense ominous music)

Jesus Christ, what are you doing?

Get back to your girl.

We closed it, didn't we?

You closed it. - I closed it.

Haley? - We gotta go.

Hailey? - We, we gotta go.

We gotta go. - [Haley] He's in here.

[Officer] Jesus Christ.

Where is he?

I don't know.

[Officer] Goddammit.

Fuck this.

Fuck this.

[Henry] Officer, he's close.

[Officer] Fuck this, man.

(tense music)

(screen whizzing)

(creature hissing)

(officer grunting and groaning)

(gunshots popping) (tense music)

(screen whirring) (tense ominous music)

(officer grunting)

(creature shrieking) (officer screaming)

[Henry] Come on, come on.

Henry, the camera's not working.

It won't go live.

It's fine, it's fine, let's go.

(tense ominous music)

Having trouble finding any internet?

You know, if I had things my way here,

I won't even light as much as a Goddamn fax machine

in the town of Oak Bridge!

(glass shatters) (Solomon grunts)

(hit thuds)

Hey, easy, easy.

(Solomon chuckles)

Goddammit.

(hit thudding)

(Solomon gasping)

You're as pathetic as him.

You know,

maybe he plans to take you, maybe he doesn't.

But you know what?

What he doesn't know won't hurt, right?

(Haley coughing) Will it?

You know what?

(hit thuds) (Haley coughing)

Sorry sweetheart, I'll be right back.

(hits thudding)

Oh, boy.

Come here.

Hey, hey, aren't you supposed to be a movie star?

Huh?

(hit thudding)

(Solomon panting)

I give you this offering, almighty one.

(Solomon panting)

You want her too?

(creature growls) No?

Okay.

I don't mean to offend you.

Why?

I have given you offerings.

I have given you

(creature growls)

[Haley] Have mercy.

(Solomon panting) (creature growling)

You stupid fucking... (Solomon panting)

The boy is destined to die!

Or (panting) something much worse.

(creature growling)

(neck cracks)

[Haley] What are you doing?

Stop.

Stop!

Am I not true, huh?

Stop!

(glass shatters)

Henry, no!

It's okay baby.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

I love you, I love you.

It's okay.

(kiss smooching)

It's okay.

(Haley sobbing)

(tense ominous music) (creature growling)

Wow.

Haley, like, if you're,

if you're good, just, like, you know,

post or something, let us know.

I don't know what the fuck am I saying.

It can't be real because, magic and scarecrows

and all that shit, the monsters, they're not real.

So,

uh, had me for a second, honestly.

What do we think, chat?

Yeah.

Yeah, I legitimately do not remember, like, any of that.

Yeah, that, that was interesting.

(door creaking)

(creature hissing)

(Kurt screaming)

(tense ominous music)

I'll never even, never fucking explain it, mom.

It's like, they just cleaned up everything.

Like it never even happened.

Okay, it's all gonna be okay.

Let's get you home.

But I'm waiting on my Uber now.

Okay, you stay on this phone

until they arrive, Haley Janice.

Okay.

Hey, I'm here.

Moma's here.

What you got there, sweetheart?

Haley?

Haley, can you hear me?

The video's cutting out.

(tense ominous music)

Okay, Haley, Haley, are you there?

Can you hear mama?

(ominous music)

Haley, talk to me, I can't see or hear you.

Haley?

(tense ominous music)

Haley, sweetheart, talk to me.

(tense ominous music)

I'm still here.

(tense ominous music)

Are you there?

(tense ominous music)

Are you there?

(tense ominous music)

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

(tense music)

(tense music continues)

(tense music continues)

(tense music continues)

(tense music continues)

(somber music)

(somber music continues)

(somber music continues)