Original subtitles

MARTY: Previously on House of Lies:

(laughs) You don't trust us?

That's all right, I don't trust you, either.

But you do like me.

Marissa, I can get you the whole McClintock media group.

But you have to do exactly what I tell you to do.

It's McClintock.

Hand-delivered by Judas.

I will not fuck this up. This would be huge

for Kaan and Associates.

JEANNIE: Just out of curiosity,

which associate am I?

Did you see the redhead? Which one is that?

She's the one I told you about. Caitlin?

She has a boyfriend.

Oh, that's fine. Apparently, you have a wife?

Oh, yeah, no. I wasn't, uh...

You're smart and you're attractive.

But no one's gonna hand you anything.

My sneakers will absolutely fuckin' work.

Decision's been made.

All the capital stays with the clothing line,

and Lukas gets 100%

of nothing but a shoe.

JEANNIE: Marty's probably getting a bikini wax

for his date with Dre. 'Cause he so wants

to fuck that guy.

You know, what we're about to do,

there's no coming back from that.

* I was a player

* Ooh-ooh *

* So good at bad behavior

* Ooh-ooh *

* Girls up and down the elevator *

* Ooh-ooh *

* Wouldn't see any of them later *

* They used to entertain me

* Ooh-ooh *

* But none of them

* Could tame me

* Girls, they were screaming, oh, baby *

* Ooh-ooh *

* While I was off in some kind of daydream... *

LUKAS: I bet you never been to a party like this before,

have you, Marty Kaan?

MARTY: I have not. LUKAS: Yeah.

Dancing bitches are great and all,

but this right here?

This shit never gets old.

(laughs, whoops) All right!

(laughing) Whoa, whoa.

Check out that! Hey, he got

his balls taken out about two weeks ago.

He ain't even got his Neuticles yet,

and look at him go.

(whoops) I'm proud as hell, though.

Manny Ribera, you do your thing, man.

Establish dominance!

DRE: Whoa, man. Knock that shit off.

A tip. What do you mean, knock it off?

He liked it, you liked it, man, don't you, man?

Don't you like it? Stand still.

Don't move. Let him finish.

Oh, he-he finishes?

Hell, yeah, all over the place.

Come on, man, you know you like it.

Hey, anyway, you better not

be skimping on the champagne,

you cheap motherfucker, you.

Motherfucker, does it look like

I skimped on anything in here?

Hey, speaking of...

To the Soldier sneaker line. All right.

The brand expansion that's gonna

take DollaHyde to the next level.

I'll drink to that.

Sky's the limit, baby.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

(laughing)

Mmm...

That is some exquisite-tasting bullshit.

Just think:

all of this for a product line

guaranteed never to exist.

Well... welcome to the DollaHyde Trojan horse party.

That shiny object keeping Lukas distracted

while he unknowingly cedes complete control of his company.

Duplicitous?

You're goddamn right!

Morally questionable?

I guess.

But at the end of the day,

with his big baller drug-dealing ties

and his ball-less leg-humping dog,

Lukas is a corporate cancer.

So Lukas has got to go.

(statue shattering)

Yep.

It's a sneaker.

I like it.

It's an interesting colorway.

Looks like they pulled a little inspiration

from the, uh, Nike Dunk Highs.

I did my homework.

That's what you were looking for, right?

I've been told my, um...

good-natured playfulness

sometimes comes across as mean-spirited.

Oh, there he is.

Uh, excuse me, I'm just gonna give my gift

to Lukas. You brought a gift?

Uh, yeah. It's a party.

I always bring a gift to a party.

Janet Guggenheim didn't raise no fool.

Normally, I'd bring

scented votive candles, you know?

But that hardly seemed appropriate.

Hardly. Then I was thinking maybe

a nice bottle of champagne,

but I didn't want to be the ignorant white guy

whose only knowledge of black culture comes from rap videos.

We all know it's much more than that.

It's a lot more than that.

Yeah. What did you bring?

Box of chocolates.

Are you... Bull's-eye.

...are you serious?

Uh, yeah. Why?

You brought a box of chocolates as a gift...

for a black man?

Hold on. That's....

that's not a thing.

That wouldn't be a...

Oh, my God, that's a thing, isn't it?

Please tell me you're kidding, Doug.

Uh, no.

What kind of chocolates did you bring?

Dark chocolates. Jesus Christ, Doug!

No! My God! It's the worst kind.

Chocolates, of course...

All right. Hey, listen, could you not...

Marty's not gonna hear about it from me.

Thank you. Thank you. But I-I can't guarantee that...

Oh, my God, chocolate, they would never...

He actually thinks that's a thing.

See? Playful.

(exhales)

*

MAN: Oh, ah...

Mmm...

Mmm.

Yep.

Feel good?

Bet that shit feels real good,

huh, Marty?

Lukas said you should take them prototypes

out for a stroll.

Get a real feel for the product.

It's his night, Marty.

It is his night.

Yeah. All right. Take a little stroll.

I-I can actually do this part by myself.

Lukas said not to let 'em out of my sight.

Shit's valuable, Marty.

Okay, got it. Got it.

WILL: All right, here we go.

A little Cuervo Gold on top.

Yes... Oh...

Came up with this little concoction back in college.

I call it "Attica, 1971,"

because chaos and riots are known to ensue.

(laughs)

Oh... Oh!

For those who like their drinks

historically pretentious.

You hit it again, new guy. Well done.

Well, I can make you something else.

Oh, no, I won't be drinking tonight.

One little nervous breakdown

and suddenly you're sober?

Gotta stay sharp, boss lady.

But you, by all means, please,

please, please drink. Oh, can I?

Yeah. Thanks.

I mean, how else will slutty Jeannie

make an appearance tonight?

(loudly): Mmm, mmm!

Oh, is it delicious?

So good, Clyde. Is that really good?

It's so good. Alcohol ends up being really delicious?

Mmm! You guys are fucked-up.

I like it.

You make a hell of a drink, Twenty.

Thank you. Hmm, why would you

call Ghetto Clark Kent "Twenty"?

Will's nickname in college.

You haven't heard this story?

Ooh... Oh, oh, you'll love this. This is great.

No, no, it's true. I feel like I won't love it.

You will, you will.

All right, so they were, uh...

they were doing this... this shoot for Perfect 10

at my school.

"Perfect Tens of the Big Ten," some shit like that.

Anyway, later that night,

some of the girls show up at this party

we were having,

one thing led to another, and...

Will had a threesome with two Perfect Tens.

(cheering)

Oh, him? He did that

with two Perfect... Oh, my God!

Fuck! Oh, my... That never happened.

Oh, yeah? Because it did.

Yes, it did. Fuck that.

You believe that story?

Coming from this?

Yeah, I do. Oh...

I've had a threesome before.

That's why we call you Six.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, shit!

Look at Jeannie, comin' strong!

Oh... why don't you calm the fuck down, new guy, huh?

Actually, Clyde,

I've been at K&A for a couple of months.

You've been here, what, a week?

New guy?

DOUG: Okay.

Uh-uh.

That's not how we roll.

You know what?

I'm gonna do a lap.

Enjoy your little drinks, all right?

I think he likes me.

(zips)

Thank you. The fuck out.

Go, man.

You know, I don't remember seeing you

at the DollaHyde offices.

That's 'cause I don't work for DollaHyde.

No?

Work for Lukas?

Yeah, that's right.

You know, I was just wondering, um...

where on the gangster hierarchy scale

does, uh, "shoe bodyguard" fit?

I mean, what are we looking at?

Drug dealer, killer...

Or is it killer, drug dealer,

thug, shoe...

(chuckles)

(chuckles) I'm fuckin' with you.

Come on, man. What the fuck is this?

Lukas wanted me to let you know, he knows.

He knows what?

He knows everything.

About the sneaker line being some bullshit.

About... yeah, about how you and Dre

are trying to push him out of his own company.

Jesus, come on, listen... Uh-huh, that's right.

Look, I always knew that Lukas was a little...

I'll be nice and say "off."

But this? Marty...

This is some President Nixon

paranoid-level type shit.

Mmm... hmm.

(chuckles)

See, this is my favorite part, right here.

See just how long a bullshitter will keep

bullshitting until he starts to lose it.

Are you fucking...

What, are we supposed to fight now?

I'm just playin'.

Man, fuck you.

Relax, Marty.

I'm here because Lukas has a proposition for you.

He wants your help.

Well, outside of a good therapist

to recommend, I can't help him.

You know what? Yeah.

Let's go talk to Lukas.

Let's go. All right, all right, all right, Marty.

You say it's all bullshit, it's all bullshit.

I'll pass it along.

But I can guarantee you

that Lukas will pay a hell of a lot more

than whatever Dre is paying.

Do you hear me? So you still want

to stick with your story or what?

You still want to stick with yours?

CAITLIN: I keep blowing it with Jeannie.

I mean, I don't know what else I can do. Yeah.

I have worked harder at this than anything in my entire life.

Where am I?

I hear you. (coughs)

I don't know.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for this job.

No, no. God, that would suck.

Hey, but this is nice, right?

Yeah... (coughs)

Two coworkers having a nice smoke.

And getting to know each other.

Learning about each other's dreams,

hopes, fears... MAN: Fuck is wrong with you, man?

Lukas told you to keep an eye on him. Look, man, I did.

The fucking dog must've got into something when I wasn't looking.

Yeah, you breaking this shit to him after the party.

All right, cool. And I'm gonna be

finding something to wrap your ass in.

You ain't gonna wrap any damn thing.

No, no, no, no, no.

No! No, you're right.

I am Caitlin Hobart,

and I have never failed at anything,

and I am just gonna go in there,

and I'm gonna work twice as hard.

That a girl, okay. Hey, you know what?

Excuse me for just one second?

Um, I-I, um, be right back.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Where you been?

I was just hanging out with Slim Walter.

You know Slim Walter.

No.

Yeah, Slim Walter's the guy

you sent to me, see if I was gonna sell you out.

It's that obvious, huh?

It might've worked on anybody else.

You know, don't beat yourself up about it.

Said you held you own under pressure.

He was impressed.

Wait, what? Slim Walter was impressed?

Fucking-A!

Hey, uh, bartender!

Round of drinks for everybody.

I fucking impressed Slim Walter.

Nigga, calm down, all right?

I needed to see if you were just about the money.

Do you know how badly I could've soaked you by now, Dre?

I could've fucking taken you

to the goddamn cleaners.

And you try this shit with me?

Motherfucker.

I don't know you like that yet.

Oh, okay.

I hired you to do a job.

So, you let me know

when you're done whining about this.

Because we still got shit to do.

Now, enjoy yourself. It's a celebration!

Cheers.

Fucking dick.

(hip-hop song playing)

Feeling a little displaced?

Do you have any idea how tedious these things are

when you're not drinking? Mm-mm.

Mmm.

You see your boy?

I will bet you 50 bucks

that Twenty over there strikes out

with the Bishop-- you want in?

Oh, you're on.

Oh, okay!

Are you fucking serious?

Just tell me he sucks at his job.

He sucks at his job.

Nah, really?

No, he's very, very good.

He's good? Yeah.

Great. Fantastic.

I fucked up.

I know, this is gonna be the easiest 50 bucks I've ever made.

Going over to Monica's?

Going against Marty?

I mean, how fucking stupid could I be?

And now, I mean,

forget about working my way up.

No, no, no, no, no.

I have to bust my ass just to one day maybe,

maybe gain a tiny bit of trust back.

Yeah, going to Monica's was

the stupidest decision you've ever made.

It might be the stupidest decision anyone's ever made.

Thank you. Like, in the history of ever.

Jesus Chri... You know, it's like

a Wile E. Coyote plan, but somehow

with less forethought.

Okay, thank you. It was a bad move.

Just saying. Stop it!

But, Clyde?

The idea behind it...

you know, not putting all of your eggs

in the Marty Kaan basket...

that was smart.

Did you two ever fuck?

Welcome back, Clyde. Mmm. It's good to be back.

Jeannie?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Marty!

What up, Clyde?

(hip-hop song playing)

Yeah! (whooping)

Hello, Marissa McClintock's room, please.

What's up?

We may be switching sides,

exposing the double cross to Lukas

and see if we can't, you know, leverage it for our advantage.

Why? What happened with Dre?

Oh, fuck Dre, okay?

He turned out to be a completely unpredictable asshole.

So, you want someone more predictable?

Like Lukas?

Well, at least he's a manageable asshole.

Well, now I know we're talking about two different people.

Jeannie, I... I don't see the advantage.

You don't need to see it, okay?

I see it.

Vodka, neat.

Marty?

Did you and Dre break up?

God, I liked you so much better when I was your boss.

Hmm, do you think this conversation would be going

any differently if you still were?

Listen, I need you to feel Lukas out, okay?

Figure out if we expose this double cross, I...

can he keep his emotions in check so we got a play?

Or is he gonna, you know, try to go all scorched earth on us?

(sighs)

Can you do that?

Oh, sure thing, chief.

And thanks for the plum assignment.

I'll get cracking on it tout de suite.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I'm asking; I'm not ordering.

Okay, I'd do it myself, but I'm not a blonde seven

with perky tits. Excuse me?

A seven?

I don't want you getting a big head.

Yeah, no danger there, Marty.

Okay, tout de suite.

I get it!

Nike changed the game, Air Jordans, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah...? I'm just saying...

Hold up, hey! Where Lukas?

Hey, Lukas? Hey, come holler at me real quick, man.

What's up?

Hey, so shorty right here,

she trying to tell us

that Adidas is better than Nike. Ah!

I did not say "better."

I just said you can't discount the cultural relevance

Adidas has.

Man, fuck cultural relevance.

Of course, there is that argument.

Okay, all right, Miss Smarty Pants, you know it all?

Such a sneaker head, tell me what Lukas got on right now.

Yeah, a real sneaker head would've noticed them earlier.

True. No peeking.

High-top Air Force Ones.

Big fan of the reflective swoosh.

'07s, yeah?

You can go lick your wound over there, partner.

I got some business I need to talk about with her.

Whoosh! Nothing but net.

Three points! Oh, yeah?

Bam! That's how you like it? Right in the rim, huh?

Right on the... No. (laughs)

Hey, you know that, uh...

that offer to check out my collection

still stands. (laughs): Oh!

That's very tempting.

But I think we should just keep this professional.

Yes, professional.

Like, what if I were to tell you

that I wanted someone with real respect for the product

to run point on this consult?

I would tell you that I am still not going to sleep with you.

That's your loss, but the job is still yours.

(gasps) Oh!

Uh... Oh?

So, I put you in charge of consulting

the entire Soldier sneaker line,

and all you have to say is, "Oh"?

Not even a smile?

What the fuck is wrong?

I thought you people liked promotions.

No... Yes, I mean, um... I thought you...

This... Thank you. This is very exciting.

(engine revving)

We gonna finish this.

What the fuck is this, man?

(laughs) You said you always wanted one, right?

Yeah, I mean, but...

Well, this is a little present

for putting in all that hard work.

My man.

Really?

Yeah, sit on the joint, see how it feel like.

Ah. Come on, show Lukas some love, y'all.

Come on, bring some love. (all cheering)

Give him some love. Come on.

(revs engine)

Hi. Hey. Hi.

Hi. Can I please talk to you

for-for just one minute?

Okay. Thank you.

Jeannie... Hey, Jeannie, everything's fine.

Who says it's not? Excuse us.

CAITLIN: Oh, my God!

You killed his dog?! (shushes)

Caitlin, goddamn it! Doug, that's horrible!

I know! I know!

You think I don't know?

God, I...

(hacks)

I feel terrible about it.

I feel sick about it.

I love animals!

No one loves animals more than me.

Oh, my God!

Every year, I give...

I give my $25 to the ASPCA.

No questions asked, you know?

And-and I even use those ugly address labels

just to get the word out.

Oh, you poor thing. Oh.

(both sigh)

Do you want me to be there

when you tell Lukas?

You are gonna tell him, right?

(groaning)

Uh... yeah.

Yes. (sighs)

Um, I can't not tell him.

I mean, I could not tell him.

Is that what you're getting at?

No, you're saying tell him.

Oh! Which I will. I will tell him.

What up, Joshua Jackson?

Huh?

'Cause you're all Pacey; the name of the character

on Dawson's... (laughs)

Don't listen to me. I've had a lot to drink.

What you think, because I'm a black man,

I've never seen the Creek before, Jeannie?

Did I just racially profile you?

A little bit.

Hmm.

(chuckles)

This looks confusing.

Not that much.

You see, um...

got your brake...

throttle.

And that's about it.

So, um, why exactly you think

Dre gave me this bike?

Because...

despite the way he acts,

he respects and appreciates you.

(laughs)

Now, given your profession,

you should be a little bit better at bullshitting.

You know, before he got married,

Dre had this rotation of females he used to fuck.

My, you have an odd sense of foreplay.

Each one of them got a piece of jewelry.

The longer they were in the rotation,

the more expensive the piece.

But once you got it... (clicks tongue)

that's it. It was over.

This party...

this bike...

even these shoes...

(sighs)

They're parting gifts,

aren't they?

My expensive pieces of jewelry.

Dre intends to move on without me, doesn't he?

At least that's the plan, right?

You think you got all the information

you need down here now?

Lukas, I...

Yeah, I bet you better get back to the...

Hey, Jeannie. Jeannie!

(whistles)

* Uh, tell them boys, yeah!

* 22's look good, understand?

Marty! I got good news, man.

I just get off the phone with Marissa.

She says hello, by the way.

Great. Tell her hi. And who the fuck is she? Yeah.

Are you fucking...? The girl I'm dating, Marissa.

The black sheep of the McClintock Family Media empire.

Racist. That's not a racist word, black sheep.

Yes, I know who that is.

Yes, the piece of business that I hired you for

that you've yet to fucking close on.

I'm about to close on it, okay? Do tell.

She was talking to Julian Zannino. Zannino?

Yeah. Hedge fund guy out of New York.

You heard of him? I know who that is.

I think he could be the leverage we need

to wrestle control of the business from her siblings.

He's gonna be here in a couple weeks. And guess what, daddy?

I set up a meeting with him. Beautiful. We'll talk to him

in a couple weeks, okay? No, you know what, actually?

Is it possible to chat things out now?

It is. Okay, I think... Wait-- no.

If we... Marty, I think when he gets...

He's a busy dude, though, okay?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Jeannie.

So? Lukas knows Dre is trying to push

him out of the company.

And he thinks we're involved,

so it's not great. Great job, Jeannie.

Don't even try to pin this on me.

How the fuck did he know?

That thought was in his head way before I even approached him.

If we're gonna make a move

to win him over, Marty, we gotta do it now.

So, this one still pissed at me?

I'm gonna go get a drink.

Go work the other boss, sweetheart.

Give us a minute.

I was thinking about our conversation earlier.

Ah, fuck it, man. It's just business, right?

Yeah, that's true.

But it didn't have to be, though.

And if I was you, I would probably say something like,

"Man, fuck that motherfucker."

Yeah, I was going with "asshole," but you know,

"motherfucker" is an acceptable option,

if that was...

But come on, man. I mean, somebody like yourself,

I mean, you got to understand what that was about.

Now, look. I trust you, Marty, all right?

And I respect you.

But gotta know, man, putting my future

in someone else's hands, even yours...

that shit ain't easy.

I get it.

So we good?

We good.

My man.

But we have a brand-new exciting problem to fuck with.

Whoa, Doug!

Jesus Christ, slow down, man!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I gotta tell a gangster that I killed his dog.

You have to do what now?

It was an accident.

Okay. So Doug did not kill a dog in cold blood.

Has anyone spoken to Lukas tonight?

I'm about to, and I'm going in hard.

Uh, what's wrong with Lukas?

He's put some pieces together,

and I just want to make sure that none of us have helped him.

I haven't said a word to him all night.

All right, fuck it. Let's do this!

No more Mr. Nice Doug.

Oh, he killed Lukas' dog.

Of course he did. Of course!

Hey, hey, hey!

Guess who's got two thumbs and a blowie from a Bishop

under his belt?

Oh... This...

Oh! Oh, fuck!

Oh, sorry, Jeannie. I'm sorry about that.

Let me rinse 'em off.

Don't touch my feet! Don't touch my feet!

Get away from my feet! Get away from my feet!

Get away from... Oh, it's so squishy. Oh!

How are you not even looking behind you?

What is wrong with you?

Oh, it's nothing. I just fucked up

and possibly cost us one of our biggest clients.

(Caitlin cries out)

Oh, God, Will! Jesus!

Where did everybody go?

Shit, I don't know, away from you,

you fucking disgusting piece of shit!

Can we get a couple waters, please?

LUKAS: Put your number

in my phone, girl. We gonna talk later.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Shoot, what the fuck is wrong with you, Doug?

Listen, motherfucker...

I killed your dog.

(laughing)

Really funny. (laughing)

(all laugh)

What the fuck you talking about, man?

I killed your dog, and I'm fucking...

respect.

So...

Where's Manny?

Vernon was watching him.

Where's my dog?

Look, man, I was upstairs,

but then I had to go to the bathroom

'cause I spilled something on my shoe...

I know good and goddamn... Goddamn!

Lukas, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

How the fuck could you do such a thing?

I didn't! Not on purpose I didn't!

I swear to God! Here's the thing.

I didn't understand the stigma of gift chocolates

in the black community.

Whoa. The stigma of gift chocolates?

What the fuck you talking about, man?

Hey, man, don't play dumb with me.

How black people are offended by chocolates.

I didn't know.

Black people are offended by white people

who come to their parties and

kill their goddamn dog.

Ugh! Black people are offended by everything.

What the fuck you talking about, man? No, now you

should be! You have every right to be!

I would be, too, if I was... I wasn't thinking!

I didn't... Yo, Lukas...

want to do about this, man?

Nothing! Nothing!

You don't want to do anything, 'cause...

It's-It's the Gugg.

(giggles) It's the Gugg! Honestly, I didn't

even think about it. I grew up in a cat house.

Not a house of prostitution, you know.

But with cats in the house!

(Marty and Dre laughing) (Doug continues indistinctly)

Wait! Lukas, please.

It's over. You fucked up, Doug.

* I ain't going, I ain't going

(people exclaiming, glass breaks)

* I ain't going, I ain't going

* I ain't with it, I ain't with it *

* No, I ain't going, I ain't going *

* No, I ain't with it, you can get it *

* Proceed, go, got something to say *

* Sam Rick, bitch, I ain't got time to hate *

* See me pull up with a bitch 'bout bad as me *

* Kill everything, Nicky Mallory *

* Got a plethora of them nasty freaks *

* And my phone is my art gallery... *

Great party!

Yeah...

(blows landing, glass breaking)

* I ain't going, I ain't going

* I ain't with it, I ain't with it *

* I ain't going, I ain't going

* I ain't with it, fuck that shit, boy *

* I ain't going, I ain't going

* I ain't with it, I ain't with it *

* No, I ain't going, I ain't going *

* Well, I with it, you can get it. *

Meow.