Original subtitles

'Kay guys, this oughtta get you up to speed.

Principal Shoemaker, what happened?

'Twas a speed demon.

A speed demon?

Don't you remember?

Why were we in the faculty men's room?

Sharing a stall?

Why are we dressed like football players?

Why do I have a bunny in a bag?

Why is Jacopo unconscious dressed as Woodie the Woodchuck

in a trash can?

Why don't we remember anything?

Someone has stolen our memories.

That is the villain.

Guys, we know who the memory thief is.

Principal Shoemaker: Well, you're certainly

a very strong candidate, Mr. Hammond,

but as you can see,

we've had a lot of applications

for this position, so...

Well, don't let that worry ya.

Principal Shoemaker: Huh?

I'll just take those.

Principal Shoemaker: Those are confidential, Mr. Hammond.

Uh-huh.

Principal Shoemaker: Excuse me.

Uh, hey!

What are you doing?

Principal Shoemaker: Hey! Mr. Hammond, what--

I'm almost finished here.

I'm an intensely competitive person.

You could say it's my great fault.

Hm.

There it is.

No changing it.

I hate to lose.

I have no idea

what you thought you'd get out of that little prank,

but I can guarantee you will never work

at Woodside High.

This interview is over, Mr. Hammond.

Uh, not quite.

Uh.

Principal Shoemaker!

Yes!

Hi!

Mr. Hammond.

Mr. Hammond: Yes!

Oh, glad to meet you.

Please, have a seat.

Mr. Hammond: Thank you.

So, I gotta, I gotta level with you, Mr. Hammond.

I thought that I'd have a stack of applications

here on my desk for this position,

but as you can see it's only you.

And frankly, we're in a pickle.

Uh, Miss Hernandez just up and left mid-semester.

Did she really?

Principal Shoemaker: We need a history teacher ASAP.

When could you start?

How about tomorrow?

Great!

Welcome to Woodside High.

Excellent.

Okay, so about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta, and she was in big trouble

'cause she had lots of enemies

and not a lot of friends.

So, her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Ah!

Instead,

they got me.

Ah!

Ow!

Mr. Hammond: Good morning, history buffs!

I'm Mr. Hammond,

and I'm your new teacher for this World History class.

Let's get right into it.

History, what do we mean by that?

We talk about history?

Uh, Gretta Besieged?

Good morning, Gretta.

Here we are again.

Like so many times before.

But this time, make no mistake, I will win, and you...

will lose.

Gretta, can you tell us what you think history means?

Certainly, uh, a record kept by scribes

of a bygone time detailing acts of valor or villainy.

Mr. Hammond: Hey there, Gretta.

Um, do either of your parents have any flexibility

in their schedule?

I shouldn't think so,

the one is dead and the other is an oak tree.

But her guardian is pretty much available

pretty much all the time.

Well, um, please give this to your uh, guardian, and uh,

let me know if tonight could work?

Tonight?

Ah, Mr. Hammond, this is my court magician--

Mr. Hammond: Oh, I know who you are.

Uh!

Mr. Hammond: One move, and he dies.

You're the only magician in history

to have ever built a scrying pool.

Surely you remember how.

I am sworn to protect you, princess.

Princess!

Baldric!

I'm sworn to protect you, princess.

To give my very life.

ever give life, ever give life, ever give life

You should not have come here.

I need just one memory.

The one you're hiding behind that door.

Mr. Hammond: Uh!

Ha!

Who are you?

Mr. Hammond:

Someone you've forgotten.

Thanks so much for coming in

for our little parent teacher powwow.

Ah.

Mr. Hammond: Have a seat, let's get started.

Hm.

Speed Demon: Mm,

What are you doing here?

Speed Demon:

I pray your patience.

We're close.

I found him.

But the memory I need is not so easily stolen.

He's protecting it.

I'll need time.

Speed Demon:

Woohooooo.

Bring on the biffels!

Pip, pip.

Pip, pip.

Hm?

Oh, oh, me, yep.

Hi.

Behold the Rogemorian national pastry.

Mr. Hammond: You know,

it's been ages since I've had a biffel.

Must have been your third birthday party.

But I'm not here to share old memories.

I'm here to steal one.

Mr. Hammond:

You should not have come here!

Ah!

Mr. Hammond:

You can't keep me out forever.

Who are you?

Don't worry about it.

Come!

Honored guests, feast at my buffet of little brunches.

Try them all.

Eat!

Enjoy.

Mr. Hammond: Sh.

Hey, Mr. Hammond.

It's so good to see you.

Mr. Hammond:

Grab some more food, the show's about to start.

Relax, and be appreciated.

Good morrow, Mr. Hammond.

Do have an orange juice.

Mr. Hammond: Oo.

Principal Shoemaker: Prepare to be amazed.

Principal Shoemaker: Joining us today exclusively

for our Teacher Appreciation Brunch,

I present to you, the one, and only,

Brodogg the Astonishing.

Oh!

Huzzah!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Who of you peasants

would like to see a little magic?

What could be in here?

Huh?

Mr. Hammond: No, wait, not him!

Uh, hup.

Get him off!

Get it off!

Oh.

Get him off!

Brother, get him out of here.

Woohoo!

Sweet heaven.

The speed demon!

Not that magician,

that magician!

Wait.

Speed Demon:

Speed Demon:

Baldric!

Give chase!

Principal Shoemaker: Woo hoo!

Can I have everyone's attention, please?

Right up here.

All eyes on me.

Principal Shoemaker: Whoa, uh, what the.

What happened?

Raccoons!

Someone must have left a window open last night.

I'll go update animal control.

Anyone think they need a rabies shot?

No?

Rabies?

What was that thing?

And where is it taking Baldric?

And who is that angry fellow?

Mr. Hammond?

What's wrong?

RUN!

No!

Why is Mr. Hammond chasing us?

And why does that creature do his bidding?

And what does it want with your fat man?

No, Gretta,

Gretta.

Whoop!

It's all part of the show.

It's all part of the show.

That was not part of the show.

What was that creature?

That was a speed demon.

No doubt sent by a rival magician

trying to make me look like a fool.

And to ruin my beautiful buffet of brunches.

Okay, wait, a speed demon?

Oh, Foofoo.

You poor thing.

Hold Foofoo.

Foofoo?

Anything broken,

I'm holding that speed demon personally responsible.

Oh, it's a bunny.

Oh, Gretta, look it's so cute.

We'll eat him later, Sir Dwight.

Huh?

Now we must find Baldric.

RUN!

Go!

Oo-oo-oh.

Hey.

Hey.

Where is Baldric?

Tied up in the basement.

Who are you?

Really?

You still haven't figured that out?

I'm the memory thief.

Thanks so much for your patience.

I do apologize for keeping you waiting.

You sir, are a villain, and a rogue, and,

and you have no business teaching youngsters.

I agree.

The only thing keeping me here is you.

I've spent more time in your head

than anybody else's.

I think I may finally understand you.

Me again.

You should not have come here!

Ha!

Yah!

Uh.

Mr. Hammond: I will take them all.

Every memory you have of her.

Don't.

Mr. Hammond:

Ah!

Mr. Hammond:

NOOO!

Uhh.

Uh.

Yah.

Uh.

And that's how you reset a breaker,

if we ever blow a fuse again.

Oh.

Mr. Hammond: Thanks so much for your help, Mr. Baldric.

I gotta admit,

I hate going down in that creepy basement alone.

Happy to give you aid, Mr. Hammond.

Mr. Hammond: Have a good one.

Ah.

The speedy demon took you away.

This Signore Hammond pursued us and we assumed these disguises.

Mr. Hammond?

I didn't want to believe it either,

but look he's the guy giving the orders.

But,

I just helped him reset the breaker in his dungeon.

His dungeon?

Mmhm.

Why on earth would Mr. Hammond pursue us?

Guys.

And why would he be in league with a speed demon?

Guys!

And now that I think of it,

why would a peasant schoolteacher

need a dungeon?

Guys!

We know who the memory thief is.

Mr. Hammond.

The scoundrel.

Well, that explains the dungeon.

Wait, where are you going?

To confront and capture the villain.

Jacopo, make for the princess's house.

With all due stealth.

If we haven't returned within the hour,

ring the alarm bells.

Hm.

As you command.

And there will be two short essays on--

Be gone, peasant youths.

The jig is up, Mr. Hammond.

If that's even your real name.

I'll be here before first tomorrow

if you have any more questions.

That's right.

Away with you.

You're gonna do great!

So, doing this again, are we?

What?

Indeed, we are, sir.

Wait, what do you mean, again?

We know who you are.

Uh-huh.

You are the memory thief.

So?

So.

That's not cool!

It actually is.

Super cool.

Why have you come here?

And why are you pilfering our memories?

And why are you pretending

to be a history teacher?

All good questions.

I'll do my best to answer them.

I came here to steal a memory from you,

so that I could kill you.

And I just really enjoy history.

Well, that was fun.

Thanks so much for coming by.

You guys are gonna do great on the quiz Monday.

You guys want a Soup and Scoop gift card?

I'm doing a no sugar thing.

Baldric and Gretta:

Oh.

This is nice.

Ay!

Ay, uh.

Mama Mia.

Mama Mia!

No.

No.

Oh, hey Jacopo!

What happened?

We got free ice cream.

With Signore 'ammond?

Oh, he says we're ready for the quiz.

Hm.

But. But.

Did you catch him?

Catch whom?

Signore Hammond.

The memory thief!

Wha?

See here!

Huh.

Ha!

No, ah ha!

Floof.

Come, we shall confront and capture the villain.

So, you've said before.

He shan't escape this time!

Wait, wait, wait, Mr. Hammond is the memory thief?

Ay!

I don't believe it.

You wait here.

Eh.

If we haven't returned within the hour,

ring the alarm bells.

Be on your guard, he is a clever one.

He should be in his classroom until about 3:30.

We'd better hurry.

Yeah.

Woo-ay.

You know who's the best?

Uh, Mr. Hammond?

Right?

Oh, hey Jacopo.

We brought you a smoovie.

Signore 'ammond is the memory thief!!

Ah!

What?

Si.

I think we need to change our strategy.

Yes, we must confront and capture the villain.

This you have already done twice.

And it looks like about 50 times before that.

There can be no confronting, no capturing.

We need professional help.

Ha.

He said there was a way to steal our memories back,

when we knew the answer to this question.

And so we do.

At least for right this second.

We must see the Contrarian.

Oh.

I have what we need.

Tell your mistress it is time.

Speed Demon: