Original subtitles

Previously on Dwight in Shining Armor.

So, big brother,

you were the greatest magician in the kingdom,

and now...

you have pretzels in your beard.

Hm, oh.

Your memory was stolen from you.

Stolen?

A memory thief?

I have never heard of such a thing.

You know what we need?

A bat signal.

Ah-ha, like this one.

I'll think of something.

Coming.

Keep your hose on!

What the schmickens?

Ah!

Brodogg!

Baldric!

Ha!

What kind of place is this?

Well...

Some kind of shabby furniture storehouse.

This is my home, Brodogg.

Uh, temporarily.

We have plans to build a grand, new castle.

That'll take a century or more, and generations of peasants.

Fine, fine.

Brother, I am here to learn.

You are?

One cannot live the life

of a famous and adored magician forever.

One cannot?

One yearns for more.

One yearns?

For purpose and meaning and joy.

Oh.

Like you have found.

I have.

Yeah.

I want to be a court magician like you.

I could see myself caring for a small human.

You, you mean a child.

The way you care for your small human.

You mean the princess?

I think I'll be amazing at it.

Now, Brodogg.

It's not as easy as I make it look.

How old is that princess of yours?

How many princesses do you have back there?

Ugh.

This is a nightmare.

This is half your grade in Family Life so suck it up.

Oh, come on, Gretta.

You've faced off

against ogres, and trolls, and goblin orc-beasts.

You can handle two days with a fake baby.

Uchh.

Okay, so about a thousand years ago

there was this princess, Gretta, and she was in big trouble,

because she had lots of enemies and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Ah!

Instead,

they got me.

Ah!

Ow!

Look, here it is, Gretta.

If your baby cries

it needs to be rocked, burped, fed, or changed.

But which one?

Well, you have to figure it out.

Uchh.

Obnoxious infant effigy.

All right, Noah, it's okay.

Daddy's got ya.

Ope.

There you go, buddy.

Okay,

I gotta get Noah home.

He's on a very strict sleep schedule.

Ah, Highness,

how fares little Prince Engelgrass?

Engelgrass?

Yes,

'Tis my favorite name.

One day I shall give it to my first-born son.

'Kay.

Shhh.

Here, uh,

bring baby Engelgrass close to your body.

Ah.

Now, rock.

There, there Engelgrass.

Oh.

Ho, ho.

Ah!

Highness, Sir Dwight,

allow me to present my brother...

Oh.

Brodogg.

Oh.

Brodogg the Astonishing.

Oh, I've heard a lot about ya.

Everyone has, Sir Dwight.

No, they haven't.

Brodogg the Astonishing is famed throughout the realm.

Oh.

Oh!

Hm, oh!

I will now be called Brodogg the Apprentice.

I am here to learn at Baldric's feet the trade

of court magician.

Ugh.

No, Brodogg,

I don't know about that.

You don't know?

I don't--

You don't know.

Well.

I love you so much!

You're the best!

He loves me.

Oh.

Ow.

Hey Nana!

Hey, Gummy Bear.

How's my little Noah?

Oh, well, look at him in his widdle carriage.

Snug like a bug in a rug.

Well, you two hurry home for Noah's story time.

I found your favorite beddy-bye book I used to read.

Do you remember?

Little Fred Never Wets--

Okay, on my way!

Uh, let's go Noah.

Oh, but--

Oh, try a burp, a bottle, or a diaper change.

Any moment now,

the court magician must time the Pop Tart just so,

it is an art not a science.

A moment too soon

and the inside will lack proper gooeyness,

a moment too long,

and the delicious outside will melt off.

Now!

Breakfast is served Highness!

Ah, Highness.

Oh.

What, what is amiss?

I have done nothing

but feed, burp, change and rock this little blister

from sundown to sunup.

Oh dear.

Pop Tart?

Hmm?

Oh!

Thank you!

Oh, you are most--

Oh no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Sh, sh, sh.

Oh dear.

Mm, mm,

thank you.

Mm, mm-hm.

Mm, hm-hm.

Ah.

Mm.

We are off to peasant school, Baldric.

Please make sure to restock our supply

of mint chip ice cream before our return.

Without fail, Highness.

Get!

The court magician must be always on the alert.

Princess Gretta has hordes of enemies, Brodogg.

And they take many, many forms.

What is that?

A squirrel.

More likely a goblin, or, oh, no, 'tis a squirrel.

But look at the size of it.

What a set of teeth!

Make a note of that squirrel, Brodogg.

Hmm.

And why is Mr. Rainitz watering his roses

at this early hour.

Hm?

Make a note, Brodogg.

Most strange.

The court magician must maintain order

and cleanliness befitting the home of a princess.

The Swiffer is your ally in this cause.

Let me have a turn.

You are not yet ready.

The court magician must fend off invaders both large and small.

Hm.

Hand me that bushel of tater tots, brother.

Ah.

Look at these absurdly small carrots.

Carrot sticks.

You surprise me, Baldric.

These are for Sir Dwight.

The boy is obsessed with carrot sticks.

When we were young,

you were never without a magic book in your hands.

Hm.

Always learning new spells.

Hm.

Don't tell me you've given all that up.

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

I squeeze it in when I can.

Well, how about right now?

You and I perusing our old magic books together.

Just like our school days.

Oh, ho.

What days those were.

Oh, yeah.

We have more important work at hand.

The court magician must personally oversee

the food served at the princess's table.

I recommend a balanced diet

of turnips, tater tots, honey buns, and pizza.

And in a time of crisis,

mint chip ice cream is supremely beneficial.

You work too hard, brother.

Ah.

Don't you deserve a break?

With a good book?

As soon as the frozens are in the ice box.

And here are a few I bought from Mandelbrand the Marvelous

when he retired.

Oh, he was a crusty old bunion.

He certainly was.

He taught me everything I know

about properly punctuating incantations.

Bet that comes in handy.

Mm.

Is this all your books?

All my books?

I haven't even gotten to the attic yet.

Hm.

Oh.

Look at this.

Irregular verbs in mage script.

Juicy.

Ah Highness!

Dwight and Gretta: Shhhh!

There.

We're getting the hang of this.

Oh, no, no, no.

Don't cry, Noah.

Hey, I'm here.

Here buddy, you want a bottle?

Baldric.

Quickly, Brodogg.

The mint chip!

♪ and they all ate him up, yum, yum, yum, ♪

♪ and who was no more, no more. ♪

♪ And they all ate him up, yum, yum, ♪

yum.

Sh.

Oh.

♪ I'm runnin' like a nosebleed. ♪

♪ So stick 'em up, spread 'em out, like a rollie. ♪

♪ Hey, show me love, like you know me. ♪

♪ I'mma make 'em whoop, whoop ♪

♪ like the police.

Hm?

Gretta?

You okay?

Ah, there you are.

Hey.

You received my bat.

What's the emergency?

Oh.

Whoa, who's that?

My nursemaid.

She is a miracle worker.

That's cheating!

Engelgrass is in capable hands, Sir Dwight.

Meanwhile, we have a crisis.

What crisis?

Brodogg.

While I was up with Engelgrass in the night,

I saw Brodogg, there at the table,

ripping pages out of Baldric's magic books

and stealing them.

Well, why would he do that?

Exactly what we must find out.

How?

First, we capture him.

'Kay.

Then, we interrogate him.

Uh.

I'll get the pokers.

Absolutely not.

Oh.

I know, Noah.

Time for a dipie change.

Let's get you a new clean set of pants.

Ah!

Who wants donuts?

Noah!

Chocolate?

Ha.

No nuts!

Noah!

Noah!

Welcome to real baby.

You re-booted Noah!

A thousand pardons.

Highness, what the blazes?

Your brother is a traitor and a thief.

See here.

Hm.

A Spell to Cause Your Enemy to Fall in a Pool of Pudding.

Hm.

A Spell to Avoid Falling in a Pool of Pudding.

Spell to Dig a Swimming Pool without Shovels.

Ooo.

A Spell to Rig a Betting Pool.

We must find out why he is here.

And what he knows.

You're in for a real baby adventure.

Hm.

Ah.

There you are fellows.

And here I am.

Tied to this chair.

Where you shall remain until we get answers.

Answers?

Let's show some hustle, okay?

Tardy bell rings in 20 minutes.

Why are you here?

Careful, Highness.

Even tied to a chair, he is a powerful magician--

Who is about to lose an eye.

Hey.

All right!

I'll talk.

Hm.

Just don't hurt the face.

Uchh.

Pardon?

What are you?

I'M A FRAUD!!

A cheap, carnival trickster.

Daddy's coming, Noah.

Ten years of magician school,

I never learned a single spell.

Uh-oh, do you have stinky pants?

Is that the problem?

But I saw you pull a rabbit out of a hat?

Sleight of hand.

And,

cut a woman in half and put her back together.

Mirrors.

And vanish in a cloud of vapor.

Trap door.

So, it was all...

Tricks!

Flim-flam!

Skullduggery!

Nursemaid!

Nope, sorry nursemaid.

Wha--

I'm sure you're super qualified

and a lovely human being,

but Engelgrass needs his mother!!

Oh, wait.

Here's for your trouble.

Uchh.

Why Brodogg?

It doesn't make any sense.

You have no idea what it was like

being your younger brother.

Oh look!

There goes Baldric,

the best magician in the history of history.

Baldric knows a spell that can make us all fly.

Baldric knows a spell that can turn that dragon

into a snail.

Baldric!

What about your scars?

This one,

from your scrape with the Necromancers of Nifflia?

It was a shaving accident.

You shave your biceps?

And this one?

From your bout with the bad-tempered beetle beast?

Scratched by a feral chicken.

Don't tell me your snapping dragon scar?

Fell off a barstool.

BARSTOOL!

A thousand pardons.

You are a liar and a fraud and a sham.

YES!

Dwight and Gretta: Shhh!

I can't do real magic like you.

But, I'm pretty good at tricks.

Then look at me, I'm so handsome.

That doesn't explain what you're doing here.

And why you were ripping pages

from Baldric's books.

What were you looking for, Brodogg?

I am just the agent, the go-between, the--

Hired thief?

Yes.

Who hired you?

I don't know his name.

Or his face or anything about the man,

except he wore a signet ring of the House of Moondragon.

So, this guy with the Moondragon ring,

hired you to rip up Baldric's books?

No.

To find instructions for building something

called a scrying pool.

What is a scrying pool?

I have no idea.

It is sheer madness,

and senseless folly for you Brodogg.

You may search my books for a thousand years

and you will never learn how to build a scrying pool,

because it simply cannot be done.

And so you may tell your man with the Moondragon ring.

After we've thoroughly flogged you

with hot pokers.

She's kidding.

We are never going to do that.

Oh.

Gotta go.

We can still make first period if we jog.

Sir Dwight, this matter is much more important

than peasant school.

Well, but we're turning in our babies today.

Tallyho!

Oh.

Baldric.

I know you're angry,

and you have every right to be,

but--

You're not angry?

Of course, I'm angry, you dolt.

Sorry, brother.

Brother, you are better than this.

He offered me a thousand crowns.

I have a certain lifestyle to maintain.

And it isn't cheap.

Oh, Brodogg.

What a mess you have landed in.

When are you to meet the man with the Moondragon ring?

Tonight.

Good.

I'm coming with you.

Mm.

Do you hear that?

What?

Nothing.

Hey, Baldric!

Want some ice cream?

Later Sir Dwight.

I should go with you, Baldric.

We have no idea how dangerous this man

with the Moondragon ring might be.

Exactly why you are to stay here.

But, why can't I?

It is my duty to keep you safe, Highness.

But--

Gretta.

Baldric's right.

He's just being a good dad.

Which turns out is really hard and absolutely exhausting.

Two days with Engelgrass nearly undid me.

And Engelgrass was made of plastic.

I do not believe

I could do what you have done, Baldric.

All these years.

Oh.

Princess.

One day you will love a child

and nothing else in this world will matter.

Ah!

Let's away, brother!

Know this before you go.

If you do not return Baldric to me unscathed

before sunrise,

I shall proclaim the truth about you

throughout the entire realm,

and you shall henceforth and forever be known

as Brodogg the Brazen Bogus Flim-flammer.

Or something like that.

Maybe something a little punchier,

that's kind of a mouthful.

We shall return before sunrise, Highness.

You have my word.

So, what do we know about this guy?

He wants to build a scrying pool.

Which is what exactly?

Whatever it is, it frightens Baldric.

Hm.

So, what else do we know?

The man wears a signet ring

of the House of Moondragon.

'Kay, so I'm guessing that's a special thing?

There is only one such ring, Sir Dwight.

It belonged to my father.

♪ ...underground

♪ the rats and spiders run around. ♪

♪ Hey nonny, nonny.

I love that trick.

Baldric!

How'd it go?

What an evening!

We ate every pretzel in the tavern.

What about the guy?

Did you find him?

Hm?

The man with the Moondragon ring.

Did we see anyone with a Moondragon ring?

Not that I recall.

But that was the whole reason you guys left.

He offered you a thousand crowns.

You stole Baldric's spells.

You don't remember?

Wha?

Give us just two seconds.

Oh, certainly.

Okay, this is freaky, right?

Most.

We're both thinking it, so I'm just going to say it.

It seems like both of their memories have been,

uh...

Stolen.