Original subtitles

Here's pretty much

everything you need to know.

The tavern is closed.

Health code violation.

For one case of the plague?

Who's running the tavern now?

Welcome to my tavern.

You give the good smell,

the bubbles, they go into your nose,

it's very--

Ah! More customers.

Hey Jacopo.

You seen Gretta?

We're supposed to meet her here for lunch.

Our lunches are the finest in the land.

Why are you still here?

Where's Hellibad?

He has fled from the IRF.

IRS.

Eh, no.

I have a plan!

I'm happy for you, man.

And super impressed.

Owning your own business,

it takes grit and guts and hard work and...

Here's the cash.

Oh.

Cash?

Bravo!

My angel ladies.

Ah.

Ah.

Mrs. Brinkelhurst.

Mrs. Walton.

Mrs. Tenney.

All of you know each other?

From Nana's fitness class

at the senior center.

Mrs. Tenney: How's business, partner?

Bene.

Bene!

We can't stay.

Mrs. Tenney: We've got Jazzercise in 20 minutes.

Mrs. Walton: Oh, remember,

our shareholders meeting is Friday at 4.

Shareholders.

Mrs. Walton: I'm bringing fruit kebabs.

Perfetto, my dear ones.

Addio.

Hm.

Tell me if I've got this right?

You bought this tavern with the money you took

from a bunch of little old ladies?

The savings of their entire lives.

Which you sunk

into this greasy, medieval tavern?

Corretto.

Mrs. Walton: Oh, break a leg today.

What's today?

Thanks.

By entering this venue,

you consent to be filmed by the Woodside Food Network.

The Woodside Food Network is coming here?

Si.

At this very moment.

Come, and meet the Signore Nick Reeves.

Did you say Nick Reeves?

Si!

Ha, ha!

Jacopo.

Nick Reeves is the most respected restaurant critic

in Woodside.

Si.

One bad review

and those little old ladies could lose their life savings.

But whyever should the review be bad, eh?

No more plague in my tavern!

Have no fear, peasants!

Oh, wow.

Eh, what's amiss?

It's Nick Reeves.

Ah, ha ha.

Signore Nick Reeves.

No!

Okay, so about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta.

And she was in big trouble,

'cause she had lots of enemies and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up...

instead...

they got me.

Ah!

Ow!

Welcome to Forks Up!

brought to you by the Woodside Food Network.

I'm your host, Nick Reeves,

and here we are at the grand reopening

of the Swine and Slosh Tavern.

A quaint and cozy restaurant with old world decor

and an eccentric menu.

I'm here with the tavern's new owner,

Jacobo Troubadour.

Uh, Jacopo, noble sir.

And I am no longer a troubadour.

And I'm Dwight.

I represent the investors.

This is a big day for them.

For all of us,

for the Swine and Slosh Tavern, and for Woodside.

The Swine and Slosh Tavern.

You can get your swine and your slosh?

So, Jacopo,

what gives the Swine and Slosh Tavern

its unique character?

It has no more plague.

The plague, she has

all gone away.

And, this is a place

where everybody from everywhere is welcome.

No! No!

Not you!

You bring the disease!

Ha!

He!

Hi!

Ah-ha-ha!

We're very pro-hygiene, uh, the previous owner had

a very small, minor health code violation,

way back when.

The cook died of the rat plague.

It was a tragic loss.

He made the best kidney pie in the kingdom.

I have taken measures, si?

We check the tongues.

We burn the incense.

Oh.

And, oh, come, come, come, come.

Ha, yes.

Every leper must wear a bell, huh?

That's actually, if you think about it,

not a bad idea.

Hear ye, one and all!

What men among you have the courage to join me in battle

against the tyrannous knights of the IRF?

He means the IRS.

For glory!

For honor!

Yes, Hellibad was a ruthless, and cruel and vicious,

but at least he wasn't a lute-plucking, scullion.

More to see inside, come on.

Let's go.

Yeah, this way.

This is where the real,

this is the place that we're going to.

Come.

Come inside, Signore Nick Reeves.

Say goodbye to the angry lunatic.

He has the plague.

I don't have the plague.

Then what has disfigured your face so horribly?

Welcome to the Swine and the Slosh!

I have always dreamed of having my own tavern.

Well, that is not so true.

My heart's dream is to be king of the realm and rule

with the iron fist of justice.

But until that day, having a tavern is not so bad.

Wow!

This really does feel like stepping into a different world.

Right? Right?

And old-timey.

Barkeep!

Another soda.

After a long day of seeing to the needs

of Princess Gretta,

I do enjoy a pint of orange soda,

perhaps it's the tickly bubbles up the nose,

or the pleasantly fruity burps,

or perhaps it's the...

It's the high fructose corn syrup...

This is Andirk.

Andrus!

And this is Ilka.

Ilka!

And this is Baldric.

Baldric!

And this is my good fr--

Hexela's concentrated age-reversing serum.

Hexela's concen..trated..age...

The Swine and Slosh Tavern is just a hop and skip

from my salon, Hexela's lotions and potions.

Where my products are guaranteed

to make you less old.

And less ugly.

Shoo, off, shoo, shoo.

Shoo me again, sir, and you'll wake up a CABBAGE!

Did she say cabbage?

Did she?

I missed it.

Um, oh, whoa, watch it.

Bodies all over.

How about a tour of the kitchen, huh?

Right this way.

The kitchen, come.

Come on, this is where the real magic happens.

Uh, si.

The magic.

Where are--

Are we in the parking lot?

What a smell, eh?

The menu follows a basically paleo diet

with simple ingredients that you can pronounce like,

um...

Squirrels...

pigeons...

a woodchuck.

Just kidding!

It's not actually a, a real woodchuck in there.

Holy moly!

You see this pot for the stew.

Yeah.

This pot is filled with the flavors of the ages.

It has not been washed since 952.

Eh?

This morning.

9:52, this morning.

We take our food handling very, very seriously.

Assolutamente.

You see here.

Huh?

Eh?

Ha, ha!

We're very proud of that.

Si.

Well.

You guys seem to be bringing back

some old school cooking techniques.

By a chef with a genuine passion

for cooking.

Ah, my cook!

You must meet him.

Signore Nick Reeves.

Come, come!

No, no, no...

no.

Uh.

He is Eberulf the Ogre.

Eberulf?

The ogre?

Yeah.

Yeah, we just, we like to give him a hard time

'cause he's kind of a grumpy ogre of a guy.

Hey Eberulf, why you gotta be such an ogre all the time, man?

Ah!

Oof!

Eberulf, what a character that guy.

Man, he's uh, he's uh, he's the best.

Ah.

So uh, whatcha cooking up, chef?

He's uh, he's

Flemish.

Ah!

There you are fellows.

Oh, hey Gretta.

Hya.

'Tis a simple quarrel.

The ogre wishes to cook the princess,

and the princess wishes not to be cooked.

Prinducken.

'Tis an ogre delicacy.

A chicken, stuffed in a duck,

stuffed in a princess.

It will end in disappointment

for one of them.

They're just uh, practicing for the um,

tavern brawl dinner show.

Scusa me?

Yes!

The tavern brawl dinner show.

Oh, come on, Nick,

uh how about we just go this way.

No spoilers, that's just a sneak peek.

Get ready for the full thing.

Let's go, you don't want--

Your table is ready, Signore Nick Reeves.

Ah,

Grazie.

Prego.

Ah, your Italian is bene.

Eh, who's that guy?

Anson Swift, Barber Surgeon.

I visit the tavern every Thursday

from midday to sundown to offer my services.

Well, I've been going to Anson Swift for years.

I will allow no one else to touch this hair,

or this beard.

I cut hair and shave beards.

Also apply leeches, when necessary.

And, who here needs a tooth pulled?

Sundry Patrons: Here!

Right here!

Think of him like a one stop shop

for all your physical maintenance.

What'll you have, Nick?

Uh, so these are my choices?

No.

Si.

These are just the options for,

for the shape of your pot pie.

We have a squirrel-shaped,

uh, the classic pigeon-shaped,

and woodchuck shape,

and uh, we broke our cat-shaped pie pan,

so you know, hard times.

Okay, I'm going to go

with the woodchuck-shaped potpie.

Ah, it will be done, immediatamente, Signore.

What is the potty pie?

It's not a potty pie,

it's a pot, I, I'm sure Eberulf can--

Ah man!

Hey!

Time out!

Don't!

Stop!

I--Uh--

Knock it off!

You two,

Get.. over.

You may fight all you wish

after the closing time, for now, you must make the potty pie.

Pot pie.

Yes!

Shaped into the figure of a woodchuck.

Hoo!

Okay, all right.

We're good.

We're all right.

How can we, uh, how can we help?

Chef, how can we help?

Okay, come on, Gretta.

All hands on deck.

This ogre can chop his own turnips.

This is not the time

for petty grudges.

Petty?

Get chopping.

Nick Reeves wants a pot pie shaped like a woodchuck.

A, a what?

We need to put our differences aside

and pull together

or those little old ladies are gonna be out on the street.

And this place will go out of business

by the end of the month

and then where will you get your squirrel pudding

and your pigeon muffins

and your, your uh, cat kidney puffs?

I do like those.

Come on.

All right, we got this.

Jacopo, you go entertain Nick Reeves.

Si.

I, I know just the entertainment.

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

The Swine and Slosh is my most favorite tavern,

and Jacopo the Troubadour is my least favorite fellow,

therefore I am on a quest

to defeat the knights of the IR--

Over there, that is where Agnet of Troll Tower

finally married Edenberry Elf.

Huh, ha.

Edenberry Elf.

Yeah.

Oh, back there,

that is where a cannibal baker tried

making Princess Gretta into a pie.

Oh, and right over here, this is the spot where I--

♪ Hexela's concentrated age-reversing seruuuum-- ♪

I told you not now, witch.

You disturb the Signore Nick Reeves.

No, I'm good, I'm not disturbed.

Oh.

Oh, but say the word Signore

and we burn the witch.

Oh, well, I'd love to see you try.

It will take but a match.

Drop it!

Hexela! Hexela!

Where is the potty pie?

We need more time.

Almost ready, Mr. Reeves.

Don't you worry.

You just, you hang in there.

Stall him.

Come.

Come.

And now, we throw the knives!

Chlodwig!

It's, it's really actually way, way safer than it looks.

Oh.

Okay, let's just talk about this.

Okay.

This tavern is not only

for the food and the bubbly Shasta.

Hey can you just, uh,

go,

over,

oh.

It's also for the entertainment

for the whole family.

Bring the kids, everybody has a good time.

Wait, wait, wait.

Oh no,

is someone stealing the guys horse

that's spinning the wheel?

Get me down!

I give my people what they want.

Where's my sword?

Hey!

Hey, hey!

And my people they love me.

Ah!

Nick, I am so sorry, don't worry about them.

They used to like the same girl, and...

Is the show starting?

The show?

The tavern brawl dinner show.

Yep.

No flash photography please.

Yah!

Yah!

Good show!

Yeah.

Whoa, bravo!

Wow.

De.

I know how you feel, Nick.

You do?

Like time is marching relentlessly on

leaving you every day older and older and...

Uh.

Older.

Well.

Your youth fading like a distant happy memory.

Oh, I guess maybe sometimes--

Shhh!

I have the remedy.

Hexela's concentrated age-reversing serum.

See results in just one teensy sip.

Go, go, go!

Witch, or I will light the stick.

Is that cinnamon?

Hexela's concentrated age-reversing serum

is distilled for potency.

One bottle should,

well, if used correctly, last an entire lifetime.

I have the potty pie.

Pot pie.

Where is the Signore Nick Reeves?

He was right here.

I can give.

Oh Nick.

No, go, look, look.

Nick.

Yeah.

Give me that, you naughty wittle tease.

Nick Reeves?

Did you drink

too much concentrated age-reversing serum,

yes, you did.

For this we burn the witch.

That shall not be helpful.

How do we reverse the reversing spell?

Uh, we wait.

How long?

About 60 years.

Gkk.

This is my little godson, Dolmitzio.

Mitzibo.

Dolmitzio.

My nephew...

Good job.

George.

Just an orphan we found in the gutter.

You gotta have some kind of an antidote,

like an undo spell.

Hm, ho.

We could try this.

What is it?

Ah, it's an undo spell.

We could try that.

'Kay.

Okay.

Whoa.

Whoa!

What is that?

Over there in the place, on the...

Nick Reeves!

You're old again!

I mean, you're back.

I mean, you look good.

You look good, man.

Buon appetito, Signore.

That looks fantastic!

I know.

Grazie,

not for you, Principessa.

Forks up!

My compliments to Eberulf the chef,

who in spite of being a bit of an ogre cooked up

the best woodchuck-shaped pot pie I've ever had.

Nick and Baldric:

But you don't come to the Swine and Slosh Tavern

just for the unique food,

you come for an immersive experience

that transports you

to a fantastical, fairytale world.

Jacopo the tavern owner,

the staff,

and even the tavern regulars,

stick to their roles with delightful commitment.

Oh, and be sure not to miss the tavern brawl dinner show.

It's one of the real highlights

of the Swine and Slosh experience.

This is Nick Reeves from the Woodside Food Network

giving the Swine and Slosh Tavern two forks up!

Unbelievable.

We win.

I win.

I win. I win.

I win. I win.

I win.

Ah!