Original subtitles

Baldric/Gretta: ♪ Hey nonny, nonny.

♪ Hey nonny, nonny.

Woo!

Okay, guys.

It's game day.

Glory to the brave.

Mm.

Are those the banners?

Indeed they are, Sir Dwight.

What think you?

All hail the Woodside Senior Center dodgeball team.

Hm?

Nice.

And a scourge upon Lakeview

and its senior citizens.

Surrender Lakeview Senior Center

or die like dogs.

Ha, ha!

I don't know what I expected.

Our banners will demoralize the enemy.

Guys,

the Lakeview Senior Center is not our enemy.

You said it is the most important game

of the season.

Yes.

Well, there is

a long-standing dodgeball rivalry there.

Don't be nervous.

I'm not.

I mean,

I'm, not really, I mean,

just a little bit, maybe,

I'm just, you know,

pre-game jitters,

but win or lose, we get rootbeer floats.

I have just the thing for you, Sir Dwight.

Hm.

Ah.

Hm.

Oh.

'Tis a rabbit's foot.

Eh!

Really?

You just had that in your pocket?

For good luck.

Oh.

Well, luck doesn't win dodgeball games, Gretta.

Good coaching and strong fundamentals

wins dodgeball games.

We must leave nothing to chance, Sir Dwight.

I have made a wager of 20 crowns on the Woodside Senior Center

to win the day.

You made a bet on a Senior Center dodgeball game?

And I do not intend to lose.

Ahh.

I finished my banner.

May the Lakeview Senior Center dodgeball team

perish in flame.

I got 15 crowns ridin' on Woodside.

Not to worry,

we gave Sir Dwight a rabbit's foot.

Oooh.

Yes.

What else have ya got?

Oh, well.

Oh.

This is cool.

What is it?

I think perhaps,

I won it in a game of knuckle bones

when I was in school.

Oh.

I think.

I don't know.

It looks like.

A twig on a twine.

Really, guys?

You don't know what this is?

A stick on a string?

You mean,

I know something about a weird old-timey thing

that you guys don't know?

Well.

It's a whistle.

Oh.

The Vikings used to make them.

I saw it in a documentary on history channel.

I knew that.

Here, watch.

Game time.

Let's go.

You two go ahead.

Hexela and I are going to walk to the senior center.

Backwards,

holding these hen's eggs.

Yes.

Ooo.

For good luck.

Hm.

'Kay.

A five, six, seven, eight.

On to victory!

All right, Woodside!

Let's warm up!

Woohoo!

Okay, so about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta

and she was in big trouble

because she had lots of enemies and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Instead...

Ahhh!

they got me.

Ah!

Ow!

Sir Dwight!

Sir Dwight!

Honeybear?

Honey... bear.

Ah!

Who the heck?

Stop growling like that!

That's the reason.

Uh, uh!

Dwight, honey, sit up.

No.

No.

Uh.

Now let me look at your pupils.

Listen, we have on site security.

Nana, get Stanley in here.

He gets so nervous about the Lakeview game.

Last year he threw up into the ball bin.

We had to sanitize all the balls before we could play.

Are you a berserker?

Huh?

That that you have there is the sound for retreat.

It called us back to the ships.

Now it calls me to you.

From the regions of the dead.

My bad.

You can get back to those regions,

false alarm.

Sir Dwight?

To whom are you speaking?

I'm calling Dr. McLaren.

I think you've got a concussion.

Are you for real saying you can't see this guy?

Like seven feet tall,

red beard with a bear on his head?

Are you a berserker?

Guys, I am in very serious trouble.

Get it together, coach.

Game's on.

Welcome to the Senior Center dodgeball

grudge match of the year.

I'm Bob.

And I'm Marla.

We've been bringing you senior center dodgeball

for 21 years.

That's right.

We've been old longer than some of you have been alive.

Today we're streaming to you live

from the senior dodgeball YouTube channel.

Be sure to thank your grandkids

for helping you get on the Internet

so you could be part of the big game.

Well, we meet again Woodside.

Hey, Wayne.

Uh, heard you got a new coach.

Oh, yeah.

She's from the semi-pros.

Let's kick some Woodside butt!

Ye-ah hoo!

Muster your courage, Sir Dwight.

Hm.

Well, if it isn't Coach Yaki-puuuu.

Don't worry, son.

We brought extra sanitizer.

Looking forward to a good game.

Uh, you should be looking forward

to a good butt-kicking!

I don't like them.

Let's kick in their faces.

What?

Or we can pull their arms off!

No!

Nooo!

No, no, he's,

he's messing with you.

You can't play dodgeball without arms.

We could use the little one to bludgeon the others.

Would you stop that!

Stalling?

Let's play some dodgeball!

Warming up, seniors.

Let's go.

Come on.

All right, ready.

One, two, three.

We've got a problem, and his name is...

What's your name?

Kirk.

Kirk.

His name is Kirk.

And he is a big problem.

Thick, hairy, growly,

the kind of problem that wants to pull people's arms off

and use Wayne as a bludgeon.

I believe

you are suffering from pre-battle hysteria.

It's this thing.

The stick on a string?

Whistle.

Blow it.

Oh, sweet heavens!

It's a berserker.

Berserker?

Kirk the Berserker?

Baldric, Hexela!

There.

Now, nothing unfortunate can happen.

That's what you think.

Look what Sir Dwight has done.

Hm?

Me?

Uh.

He has conjured the invisible ghost

of a berserker.

Baldric/Hexela: Why?

Oh, you know,

it's just something I've always wanted to do.

Conjure the berserker ghost that no one can see

and I figured why not do it

right before the big Lakeview game,

that'll be fun.

Oh, well sure, yes, understandable.

Oh, well. Very.

Blow this whistle.

All righty.

Oh.

Hm?

It is a berserker.

Give me that.

But how?

The berserkers are long dead.

Gone to a...

what's berserker heaven?

The Hall of the Fallen.

Not me.

I am verboten.

What's verboten?

Forbidden.

There we go!

Hustle! Hustle! Hustle!

Ooo.

Okay, Kirk.

How 'bout you stay here with Gretta.

No kicking in faces.

No pulling off arms

and no using Wayne as a bludgeon.

Where are you going?

To coach this game.

'Cause this is important.

Ah.

Woodside and Lakeview are ready to duke it out.

After Woodside's embarrassing defeat last year,

Coach Dwight is out to prove

that he deserves that coach's polo.

And Coach Monica of Lakeview,

she's here to keep the Lakeview streak alive.

It's time for dodgeball.

Hustle, hustle.

Come on, quick, quick.

Keep moving.

We got it.

Oh.

Woodside comes out strong.

What the?

Another one goes down.

Help them!

I had that same injury last week.

Checking the mail.

Lakeview's offense seems to be off.

And so does their defense.

Oh, suck it up, this is dodgeball.

Come on guys!

We got this.

Woo!

They're so good at flopping

they ought to be playing senior center soccer.

Good one, Bob.

I'm just sayin'.

Do you see my team, ref?

Do you see my team?

Do you see that they are all injured and on the ground?

Are you gonna make the call?

Yes.

Okay.

According to league rules,

any player who must leave the court due to injury

may be substituted by a player

who is not a senior center member.

What?

Bring in the subs!

Whoa!

This is a whole new ball game, folks.

These Lakeview subs are--

Not a day over 40.

Look at the muscles on that one.

Boo!

This is villainy!

What is the matter with you?

He's a berserker, Sir Dwight.

He's going berserk.

It's what berserkers do.

Nobody is going berserk!

Not on my court, pal!

Boy, you weren't kidding about this kid.

Total basketcase.

Woop!

Lakeview Team:

Okay, Team.

We got this!

Hey, they look big and scary but they got nothing on skill.

Okay.

Yes, yes, yes!

Go, go, go.

Ooo.

Hiyah.

Oh.

Bob/Marla: Euh.

Boo!

First set, Lakeview.

Lakeview wins the first set in an ambush.

I haven't seen anything like that since the OK corral.

Oh, Bob.

What?

Too soon?

Lying, cheating bilge rats!

Shame and disgrace and dishonor upon Lakeview!

Guys!

Come on!

Take it down a few notches.

Please, Sir Dwight.

Let me turn them into parsnips.

You would be doing the world a service.

I second the berserkers idea

that we pull their arms off.

Because you can't play dodgeball without arms.

Ah?

Absolutely not.

Oh.

It is up to us to be the better human beings.

Bah.

Where's Kirk?

Ahhh.

Hey, knock it off,

what do you think you're doing?

Is there a problem, coach?

No-o.

No.

No!

No.

Noo.

Ew.

No!

Oo.

Have fun out there!

That's the most important thing.

Dodgeball!

Oh.

Lakeview Team: Hiyah!

Foul on Lakeview.

Illegal hits.

Come on. Come on.

Wha?

Ha.

Whoa.

What was that?

You wanna tell me what the dickens?

Blow this whistle.

What am I looking at?

A berserker gone berserk.

Ha!

Ha!

The Lakeview players are down like bowling pins.

Uh.

Out of bounds Lakeview,

second set, Woodside.

Ha, ha!

It's tied up.

One to one.

The next set wins it.

It's getting good.

That's it.

I said, no berserking!

Are you trying to kill someone, you maniac?

I'm the coach,

and you are banned from this dodgeball team.

We may be witnessing a total emotional collapse

from Coach Dwight.

Poor kid, you remember last year with the ball bin?

Take five, seniors.

Kirk.

Kirk.

Hey, Kirk.

I- I'm sorry.

Ah. Sir Dwight.

Look at this tiny writing.

Sound this whistle to call to your side,

the ghost who waits upon the steps.

What steps?

Outside the Hall of the Fallen.

Berserker heaven.

Where all my berserker brothers have gone.

So, you're the ghost of a berserker,

but you can't get into the Hall of the Fallen

with all the other berserkers?

Why not?

I did something.

It doesn't matter.

It was a long time ago.

1200 years.

You've been waiting outside on the stairs

for 1200 years?

Come on, Kirk.

From now on, you're with us, okay?

Okay, here you go, Janice.

Here, here you go.

It's been more than five minutes,

so if they're not going to play, then they forfeit.

Death first!

Hm, ha.

No.

I don't know, Dwight.

We're pretty beat up.

We bring in the subs.

Have you got a sixth player?

Kirk!

Ha.

Come on, buddie!

Only the big, invisible guy.

Five it is.

Okay.

Dodgeball.

You are safe, my lady fair.

Thanks, Kirk!

There we go!

These dadburn trifocals.

Dodgeball!

Best of three, Woodside.

No!

Do over!

Marla/Bob: Yes!

All right!

There's no prize money,

there's no trophy,

but Woodside gets to walk away with a year of bragging rights.

And you don't want to be on the wrong side of that one.

This is a rootbeer float.

It's a gamechanger.

Look at this in my encyclopedia of curses.

What have we here?

Roots afloat in beer.

Nope.

Listen,

a verboten curse may be broken in only one way.

The accursed must save a human life.

Kirk! Kirk!

Great news!

Like the best news you've heard in 1200 years!

There's a way to break a verboten curse!

All you have to do is save a human life.

I mean, that sounds doable, right?

You could be a fireman, or a paramedic.

No.

How about a lifeguard?

Even if I did break the curse,

I wouldn't enter the Hall of the Fallen.

I can't face my brothers.

Listen, whatever happened,

I'm sure they're over it.

1200 years is a long time.

Some things cannot be forgiven.

You can tell me.

I'll listen.

I went to battle with my berserker brothers,

the battle went awry.

They sounded the retreat,

and called us back to the ships.

I knew I could make it.

That I would live,

and then I saw one of my brothers,

wounded,

and calling for help,

and I didn't go back.

I left him!

I ran for the ship.

That day,

he earned his place in the Hall of the Fallen.

And I earned my place forever outside of it.

I'll stay here.

If that's all right with you.

You can stay here as long as you want.

Come on, let's get a rootbeer float.

Come on, they're good.