Original subtitles

Now remember, apply the potion,

uh cream

only after moonrise,

and avoid exposure to firelight for a good hour.

Toodles.

Oh, mm.

Oh, who me?

Hello.

Boo!

Got you!

Ragana.

Hexela.

Oh, you darling thing, how are you?

Oh, you know, busy, busy, busy.

It's been ages, love.

I fear it's starting to show.

Oh, not a bit.

I'm on my way, expect me within the hour.

Ah, such fun.

Ah, floof!

Okay, so about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta,

and she was in big trouble,

because she had lots of enemies

and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Instead...

Ah!

they got me.

Ah!

Ow!

Quickly, all these things must go.

Where?

Away, anywhere but here.

Why?

That witch will steal anything that isn't nailed down.

Oh!

This is my book!

Not now, Baldric!

I've been looking everywhere for this book.

Well, huzzah!

You found it.

Who is this witch you are expecting?

Coven-mate of mine.

One of my oldest and dearest friends.

Who likes to steal all your stuff?

Exactly.

She'll be here any minute!

Goodness!

Ah, here, take the turtle.

And whatever you do, keep that little--

darling happy.

'Kay.

Okay.

Here you go, buddy.

There you go.

Yes.

All right!

All right!

Go, go, go!

Come on!

Grab the box!

Here we go,

off you go,

yes,

thank you,

thank you.

Out, out, out this way.

This way.

No, you must go, go, go, go.

Off with you now!

I should expect a more polite tone

from you--

It's too late!

Uh, go, go, go, go.

Hide!

Hide?

And not a peep out of you!

How long?

Ugh.

How long?

She's always early.

Hexela!

Ragana.

Ragana!

You know her?

Sh! Sh!

Sh.

Oh, it is such fun to make an entrance.

May your cauldron ever simmer, sister.

And may your brew ever bubble.

Have a seat, my dear.

So good of you to, uh, drop by.

I know how busy you are.

Places to go,

and you're such a dear to squeeze me in,

just for a few minutes.

Oh, tut-tut, darling.

I have time aplenty.

Lovely.

Mm.

How do you know this witch?

Oh.

Which witch?

Ha.

How many witches do you know?

It was a chance encounter,

back in my years of youth and uh,

folly.

Oh.

Well, look at you, Hexela.

All settled down and lived in.

Um, cream, sugar, ground warthog tusk?

All three, yes, please.

Mm-hmm.

What could possibly keep you here, Hexela?

What do you mean?

Nothing in this world, could keep me in this place.

Mm.

Oh!

Before I forget,

mmmmm,

boop.

Your prime elixir!

My best batch yet.

So I see.

Oh gosh, stop.

It's extraordinary, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

And in exchange...

Hm?

Your renaissance tonic.

Ha!

Make sure you're really, truly dying

before you take it.

Always.

She mustn't find me, not now, not ever.

Oh! Neighbors.

Glassmakers.

Clumsy glassmakers.

Oh. Uh-oh.

Oh!

Is there a man in your life, Hexela?

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No.

Uh, oh.

You're hiding something, Hexie,

and I'd bet my eleventh toe that it's a man.

Silly, silly, silly idea.

Ha! A man!

Oh, sweet heaven,

I left a customer stewing in the supplement sauna!

Three customers.

I quite completely forgot about you.

You know what, amazing result.

Huh?

Wow, this is really,

this one's on the house, kiddos, yeah?

Out the door.

Out you go.

Huh, fare thee well.

Namaste.

Baldric?!

What?

No, not me.

My name is--

Baldric!

You know each other?

Baldric and Ragana: Oh...

No. Yes.

You've been avoiding me, Baldric.

Baldric!

What'd she do to him?

I petrified him.

And you did it quite perfectly, darling.

Oh, you're so sweet.

Do not fear, Baldric.

I will have you released, I promise.

Undo the spell at once, witch!

No, not at once.

After tea.

Huh.

And Vessica, remember her?

Oh, of course, what is she up to these days?

Up to her neck in beetles,

last time I saw her.

You don't say.

She made the mistake of challenging me

to a witch's brawl.

Hey buddy, I'm sorry.

We'll go soon, okay?

We just have to wait for Baldric to get unpetrified.

But I know this really great turtle pond you can splash

around in with all the other turtles.

Uh.

A wish turtle.

What's a wish turtle?

I wish I knew.

A wish turtle is a turtle with the power

to grant the person holding it any wish of his or her heart,

but the wish turtle will only grant the wish

if it is feeling a deep sense of contentment.

How do I know that?

Because that's what you wished for,

you sputtle-puffkin.

Now you're just making up words.

You have a wish turtle?

Insufferable turtle!

I have been pandering to that turtle for years

and it never granted me a wish.

Notoriously fickle creatures.

So, I really could have wished for anything?

Enough about the turtle, Sir Dwight.

You have finished your tea,

now release Baldric as you promised.

Promised is an overstatement.

But release him, I shall.

Baldric!

Hey, hey, hey, take it easy man.

Ragana, I know you're angry.

Oh, quite the contrary.

I'm thrilled to pieces.

Mm.

And how do you two know each other?

It was ages ago, Hexela.

Long before I knew you.

You owe me a debt, Baldric.

A witch's debt.

No.

Baldric, what's the first thing you ever taught me?

Never owe a debt to a witch.

Now you know why that's the first thing I taught you.

And pray tell what is his debt?

A year of servitude.

Payable at once!

Oh, uh.

Huh.

But, uh...

Oh, my teacup is empty.

Why is my teacup empty?

Oh, lazy servant.

Fill it at once!

Now, just a minute.

Ah!

A shameless trickster.

You viscious, cold-hearted, conniving witch.

Oh, stop Baldric, you're making me blush.

May you choke on every last drop.

May you snort it directly into your sinuses.

Psst.

Oh.

What are we going to do?

Well, we can't leave Baldric in her clutches.

We most certainly can't.

He must be ransomed.

How?

We offer Ragana something in exchange.

What?

Oh! I know what I want!

Stew.

Really?

Just stew?

Yes, I will have my new servant

make me my favorite stew!

You know he's just gonna spit in it, right?

Well, then you shall all join me.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah, such fun.

Gretta and Dwight:

Oh, I hate you.

It's the event of the year, darling.

Everybody comes from everywhere.

Oh!

You and I should do a booth together.

Mm,

we'd make a fortune on your prime elixir.

I am sorely tempted.

Really, Hexie, you can't stay here.

You know it.

Servant!

I'm getting full of this popcorn!

Where's my stew?!

Almost ready, you foul-breathed, she-devil.

Gah.

We will make you an offer, witch.

An offer?

What for?

For Baldric.

What a funny idea.

What could I possibly want more than this?

Servant, turn around and face me.

Open your mouth.

Catch this popcorn.

Oh, you missed.

Oh, try again.

Oh, Baldric, don't be so hard on yourself,

it's only a game.

You hideous harpy,

you heinous old crone.

Ah!

I offer you a crown of pure gold,

inlaid with 40 precious gems.

Or what about this wizardly looking book?

Full of creepy old writing.

Baldric and Hexela: That's my book!

How about a chest filled with pure silver?

This oversized cup?

Heh, woo.

I offer you my grandmother's sword.

Baldric's favorite chair?

That's my chair.

Boot sweets.

Uh.

A brand new ipad.

This bust of King Alsric the Grim.

Uh, what about that elf on the shelf?

Hexela, Gretta and Baldric: Kofewalt!

A trusty steed.

A Jamba Juice gift card.

Juice of the Jamba.

No.

Servant!

Ha, ha!

Don't be smug.

Oo, ah!

Enough, Ragana!

I'm starving, let's eat.

Ah, let's.

Servant, serve the stew.

There must be something you'll accept in the place

of Baldric's debt.

Oh, let me think about that for a sec,

mm,

nope, nothing.

Why does he owe you a witch's debt

in the first place?

No need to go into detail.

I love this story.

Let's all have a seat and I shall start

from the beginning.

Oh no.

Oh, goody.

Come now, Ragana.

It's not even that good of a story.

It was years ago, it was a crisp, fall day.

Baldric was a wide-eyed young wizard and I was just a--

decrepit old bag.

He was arrogant and ambitious.

Out to make a name for himself, and I was--

a shameless trickster,

a bold-faced conniving swindler of a witch!

Bored, I was bored.

Let me guess.

The spoon wager.

What's the spoon wager?

The oldest trick in the witch's book.

I bet Baldric,

that I could levitate a spoon longer than he could.

Oh, Baldric, you fell for the spoon wager?

I was no more than a boy.

Oh.

I would have won too,

if she hadn't levitated her spoon,

directly into my eye.

What?

That means you cheated.

Yes.

How do you sleep at night?

Oh, I don't.

I'm a day sleeper.

Speaking of,

look at the sun.

I must be off,

I have a long, exhausting journey ahead of me.

Oh, servant, carry me in your arms.

Oh.

But you can't leave yet, Ragana.

No?

You haven't heard my offer.

What is your offer, darling Hexela?

A challenge, my darling Ragana.

I challenge you...

to a witch's brawl.

Hexela, no, no, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

I accept.

I thought you'd never ask, my dear.

Winner gets the magician.

I knew it.

Wait, wait, wait.

Just wait.

What's a witch's brawl?

Two witches match their wits and spells

against one another.

Hexela, don't.

It's only a year of servitude.

The challenge has been made and accepted,

there's no turning back now.

Shall we take this outside, honey?

Oh, yes, please, my sweet.

You've got a plan, right?

Please tell me you've got a plan.

I'm going to smear the ground

with her smug little face.

Hear, hear.

Servant, take this.

Massage my shoulders, servant.

Sorry little guy, I didn't forget about you.

Well, I mean, I kinda did, but--

The turtle.

If it could grant us a wish,

we could use it to free Baldric.

Ha!

Good luck!

Infuriating... ly delightful, little reptile.

It granted you a wish last time,

what did you do?

I just talked to it.

Then talk to it!

Hey, Mr. Turtle.

Okay, now rub the turtle.

Ha!

Hold its hand.

There we go.

Tickle it's tummy.

You're wasting your time.

Isn't a year of my servitude enough, Ragana?

Hexela has nothing to do with this.

Hexela is my oldest and dearest friend.

I enjoy nothing more than taking the things she loves.

She does not love--

do not be absurd.

You old fool.

You are an older fool than I by centuries,

you heartless hag.

Hexela is going to thrash you.

She's going to crush your brittle bones

into a fine, white powder,

and then she's gonna whip in some butter and milk

to make a frosting and then use that frosting

to decorate a seven-layer cake--

It's time.

Stand back.

Back in the pocket, buddy.

We'll go to the turtle pond

right after the witch's brawl, okay?

You'll love it.

Sir Dwight.

That's my turtle, and my wish, you fat cow!

Cow?

Fat?

Back off, you guys are gonna drop him.

Make a wish, Sir Dwight!

I wish--

Am I still a fat cow?

Fatter than ever!

Oh, uh, see.

Yeah, the wish is gone and the turtle is no longer content.

Maybe because you two almost dropped him

on his little head.

Sorry, buddy.

The boy has a gift.

What exactly do you mean by a gift?

Dwight.

Gretta!

Are you dead?

Dwight?

Chlodwig.

Princess!

Hexela.

My Hexie, Hexie, my Hexie.

Hexie.

Where is she?!

She's gone, my angel.

You have nothing to fear.

That's where you're wrong, Baldric.

Where's Sir Dwight?

He's gone.

Ragana took him.

Ah, Hexela, how was your nap?

Oh, Ragana, imagine what people will say.

You of all witches, running from a witch's brawl.

Pfft.

Where's Sir Dwight?

Who?

Dark hair, big cheeks.

The turtle boy!

Ah, him.

I have taken him for ransom.

Ransom?

Name your price!

Mm, you are confused, mm,

he is the ransom, for you, Baldric.

You're free from your servitude,

your debt is paid.

I shall take the boy instead.

No!

Lovely as always to see you, Hexela.

Must be off.

Whither?

As far from where you stand as I can get.

That's right, witch, you'd better run.

You should leave too, Hexela.

Before it's too late.

What do you mean?

You know exactly what I mean, old friend.

You feel it as surely as I do.

Why you choose to remain in that dark realm,

I cannot fathom.

Run, Hexela, while you still may.

An evil is rising from the ground.

from the ground.

Ready, Highness?

You know where she's taken him?

Then let's away.