Original subtitles

Previously on Dwight in Shining Armor.

I need something.

It belongs to a friend of mine

and I think it might have ended up here

in this secret chamber.

What is it?

It's hard to describe,

but it's in a stone box with this emblem on it.

There you go.

Empty!

Unhand my scepter, you thief.

Don't!

How long do we have?

Difficult to say, Your Highness.

Weeks? Days?

More likely hours.

Before what?

Before Sir Aldred is back.

Sh! Sh!

Silence!

Is this what you want?

HALT!

Thief!

Ha, ha, ha.

You!

Did you see that?

Most strange.

Quickly.

We leave at first light.

Whither?

The woods.

Okay, so about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta.

And she was in big trouble

because she had lots of enemies and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

That guy never showed up.

Ah!

Instead...

they got me.

Ah!

Ow!

Guys we should just call the police

or maybe contact the neighborhood watch,

whoever broke into your house.

We know who broke into our house.

You do?

His name is Wenzo Thief.

He comes from a long line of cut-purses,

pickpockets, and burglars.

Well, with a last name like Thief,

what more can you really do?

The last time I saw Wenzo Thief,

he was leaping from the window

of the great hall.

It was on a night of a new moon.

Dark as pitch,

just days before our castle came under siege.

Wenzo Thief broke into the castle,

but he was discovered by the royal guards.

We chased him into the great hall where he jumped

from the window and escaped into the woods.

I personally conducted an inventory

of the castle's valuables but nothing was missing.

So, the guy breaks into your castle,

runs from the royal guards, throws himself out of a window

and he doesn't take anything?

So it appears.

Then what happened?

Our castle came under siege.

All of my royal guards fled.

Cowards.

Baldric cast the champion spell.

And we all fell asleep for a thousand years.

Then you fell on me and you kissed me.

On accident.

All who were under the champion spell awakened.

We moved into the village.

Yeah, all right, I think we're all up to speed now.

I don't find any of that unsettling.

I find pretty much all of that unsettling.

How did Wenzo Thief come to be wearing

a Quiet Friar's robe?

A what?

A Quiet Friar's robe.

I'm sorry those words don't mean anything.

The robe that Wenzo Thief was wearing

that made him invincible to all of our weapons.

They are worn only by the Quiet Friars.

And who are the Quiet Friars?

Finally!

Finally, ah, finally we have arrived.

Oh. Nice.

Here we are.

Insplinkt hatvandoon inyorwegonda!

Ha, ha, ha.

Your Highness, Sir Dwight, welcome to the Quiet Friary.

Ha, ha.

'Kay.

What is this place?

The home of the Quiet Friars.

And who are the Quiet Friars?

Ah!

Friar Siggy!

Baldric translating: Look at you, all grown up.

Who is this?

Allow me to present Sir Dwight,

my champion.

Baldric translating: This gaping codfish?

The very same.

Baldric translating: This twitchy, little muskrat.

Does anyone mind if we skip this part?

Well, he...

We need your help Friar Siggy.

Baldric translating: What danger do you flee?

Trolls?

Fairies?

Ah, brain-eating cannibals?

What?

No danger.

We come seeking answers.

Gretta, just to be clear,

the friars are quiet because...

They have taken a vow of silence.

Well, yeah, but...

Most reverent friars,

our hearts leap with joy to see you all again.

How fondly we remember the months we spent among you,

hiding from the rampaging draugar.

When you guarded us with your impenetrable walls

and shielded us with your invincible robes.

We now come with a new fear in our hearts.

Tell us,

has one of your Quiet Friar robes recently gone missing?

Did you see the thief who stole it?

That's him!

Wenzo Thief.

Expertly drawn Friar Frody.

Is that the thief that stole the invincible robe?

Can you tell us what happened?

Oh.

Oh dear.

Yes, apparently they're still as competitive as ever,

I can see.

Oh, I'm on a team?

Okay.

All right, he's just walking along.

You're drawing,

no, that's what you're doing,

you're um,

those are squiggles,

um, you were in the forest.

You were in the forest.

Forest, good one.

All right, and you're...

And you're picking something,

getting crops...

He's gathering.

Ah!

Gathering, gathering.

What are you gathering...

You're gathering...

Gathering...

Gathering...

Oh! Poop!

Baguettes?

Sticks!

Gathering sticks!

Oh yes, I see that now.

Oh, he's standing because he has--

he's lost weight.

A man!

It was a guy, uh, a person.

No.

Oh! Wenzo Thief!

Baldric and Gretta: Oh, oh!

Of course, yes.

Oh, and he fell down,

he's on his knees,

he's having a heart attack.

Oh no, he was a--

Begging for help!

He was begging for help.

Oh. Yeah.

Um, he was,

he was doing yoga, squats,

he's working out.

Oh, no, he was running.

A monster.

Someone was chasing him!

Oh, yes, yes.

Someone's chasing him.

Someone's after him!

Toy soldier.

Chased by who?

Someone with a strap on their shoulder.

Uh, uh, Tin Man!

Marching back and forth--

The royal guard, the royal guard,

the royal guard!

Baldric and Gretta:

He said he had stolen nothing from the castle.

So you gave him sanctuary here,

in the Quiet Friary.

And everything was quiet for many days.

The royal guards couldn't find Wenzo Thief

so they gave up and went home.

And that's when Wenzo Thief showed his true colors.

He turned into a blob monster!

It's a-- It's a blob monster.

Nope, nope, nope.

No, no, no.

He took it,

he took something.

He took something.

A Quiet Friar's robe!

Yes, yes!

Yes!

Baldric and Gretta:

Good one.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Sorry.

But why?

Who wouldn't want a robe of invincibility?

Oh, when you put it like that.

The more troubling question is this,

why is Wenzo Thief come back now?

You said he was looking for something

in your house.

Mm.

Probably the same thing he was looking for

when he broke into your castle.

But what?

Well, whatever it is, he hasn't found it.

Which means...

He'll be back.

Come here!

You guys are the best.

Let's do this again soon, okay?

Baldric translating: The Quiet Friar's robe

is invincible against all weapons

except the shears used to cut it

and the needle used to stitch it.

Take these weapons,

and use them to defeat Wenzo Thief.

We shall.

And you have my word,

we will return to you your Quiet Friar's robe.

Everybody, jazz hands!

Are you sure Mr. Thief is watching us?

Without doubt.

He bides his time and awaits his chance to strike.

A chance we will give him tonight.

Mm.

Guys, what's with all the hay bales?

Insulation.

The nights are getting chilly.

You know you can just turn the thermostat up, right?

Ah, finally.

Baldric!

If you think I'm at your beck and call, then you are not--

AH, DO COME IN,

WE'RE ALMOST READY TO GO TO THE MOVIE SPECTACLE

TO BE ENTERTAINED FOR 90 MINUTES.

Movie spectacle?

What took you so long, madame?

Would you care to rephrase yourself, sir!

Thanks for coming.

We know you're a busy witch lady.

Never too busy to help a friend,

even if that friend is an ungrateful oaf

with the manners of a warthog.

We need your help.

You so often do--

To set a trap for a thief.

What thief?

Wenzo Thief.

That's actually his name.

Ah, yes, I know the Thiefs.

They're thiefs, every one of them.

This Thief wants to steal something

from this house.

What?

Well, that is what we hope to learn tonight.

Did you bring the tent?

The tent?

I did,

but I'm a working witch with bills to pay,

and nails to keep pretty.

What's your price?

Rub this turtle.

Uh.

That's it?

Yes.

Why?

Why not?

Speak some flattering words to it.

Pardon?

The turtle.

Butter him up!

Aren't you a handsome little guy.

And of such regal bearing.

What a pleasantly smooth shell you have.

That'll do.

There.

I shudder to think what you'd do without me...

Baldric.

I'm still a little fuzzy on the plan.

We go to the movies.

LET US DEPART, YOUR HIGHNESS.

LEAD ON MY TRUSTY MAGICIAN,

QUICKLY LEST WE MISS THE PREVIEWS.

AND I SHALL BUY THE CORN THAT POPS.

So if we're not going to the movies,

then what's the plan?

Make haste.

Ah.

Oh.

Uh,

That is so freaky cool.

Hide.

Ya, cha, cha.

Ya, cha, cha.

Ya, cha, ya, cha,

CHA!

Hold!

Sir Dwight, catch!

Ow!

Ha!

Wenzo Thief.

Hello.

Didn't think anyone was home.

You have been pinned to the table

by invincible shears.

Oh, is that what those are.

Yield villain, or Sir Dwight will...

do you bodily injury with his invincible needle.

Um.

Gretta.

I lost the invincible needle.

What?

Where?

Literally in a haystack.

A Quiet Friar's robe.

Stolen by this shameless thief.

And after they gave you sanctuary!

I was thinking about giving it back.

Oh, oh.

I just needed it to finish this one job.

Well, you have failed Wenzo Thief.

Hand over your booty.

His what?

Happy to oblige.

You are?

I'm a thief, not a martyr.

What is it?

A tovenaar relic.

Ha!

Found it!

All right Mr. Thief,

your invincible robes got nothin' on my invincible needle

so start talking.

Yes, I would be all too pleased.

Do you think you could unpin me from this table?

No.

And what a comfortable table it is.

Where did you get this?

I am a Thief from a long line of Thiefs.

My father, Bozo Thief, was hired

to break into Your Highness's castle

and steal that relic.

Your father?

Bozo?

Alas, he was hanged as a thief

before he could do the job.

That's terrible.

Such is the fate of we thieves.

My father, my grandfather, his second wife, her stepmum,

all hanged from the same yew tree.

They call it Thief Tree.

I'll most likely swing from it myself one day.

Or you could just stop stealing stuff.

Bozo Thief was hanged from Thief Tree.

Like all good Thiefs.

Mm.

Then why were you the one to steal this relic?

Well, the client paid in advance

and we had already drunk away the money,

so the job fell to me.

I scaled the castle walls like a spider.

And entered the castle

with the grace of a cat.

My instructions were to find a secret chamber

deep in the bowels of the castle.

I hid by day,

and I searched the castle by night,

with the stealth of a,

of a,

what's a real stealthy animal only comes out at night?

A vampire.

A wolf?

An owl?

A racoon?

A lynx.

Ah...

Yeah, that's right.

So, I'm stalking around like a lynx, right,

until I found the secret chamber.

I knew where to look,

but though my flight was light-footed as a fox,

the royal guards discovered me.

No, no, no, no.

I knew if I was found with the relic, I would--

Swing from Thief Tree?

Yes.

I'm not quite ready for that, so I hid my booty instead.

Your what?

You climbed the window and leapt--

Like a tiger.

Out of the castle to escape into the woods.

Then what happened?

The Quiet Friars hid me from the royal guards.

You stole a Quiet Friar's robe.

Anyway,

I was walking back to the castle

when I unaccountably and uncontrollably

fell sound asleep.

The champion spell.

When I awoke, your castle was in ruins.

After months of tracking you like a panther,

I finally found you here.

And you broke in last night.

Yes, and then you recognized me.

And we went to the Quiet Friary

and got the invincible shears and needle.

And then Baldric called me and asked me

to bring my tent.

We set our trap.

You broke in again.

Guys, we were all here for this part.

Baldric and Gretta: Oh.

So...

now you know all.

Not quite, Mr. Thief.

Who hired you to steal this relic?

Oh.

That I cannot say, m'lady.

'Cause you don't know?

Because he will cut out my tongue

and feed it to the ravens.

Oh, okay.

Well, nobody wants that.

Uh-uh.

Here's what I propose.

You unfasten me from this table

and then I will just skulk off into the night like a--

Skunk!

Uh, badger,

I was gonna say badger.

No, I think skunk.

Look, you can keep the little trinket,

I won't say anything,

you won't say anything,

it'll be our little secret.

And what of your client?

My problem, not yours.

Mm.

Well, I'm off.

Pockets to pick.

Houses to burgle.

You know, man,

you're a smart guy with a skillset.

Maybe you should think about getting out

of the thief business.

You know,

maybe then you wouldn't have to swing from Thief Tree.

But I'm Wenzo Thief.

Well, maybe you could be Wenzo Architect,

or Wenzo Grocery Checker, Wenzo Attorney-at-Law.

You got choices, man.

I'm Wenzo Thief.

Just something to think about.

And now I slip softly into the night, like a bat.

Sorry.

Baldric, please return this to the Quiet Friary.

Of course, Highness.

And what of this?

I know a safe place.

You put yourself at terrible risk, Hexela.

Surely we can find another place to--

Secure a tovenaar relic?

This one and all the others must never see the light of day.

Wenzo Schoolmarm, no,

Wenzo Wheat-Farmer?

Hmm, no.

Wenzo Canine-Companion, yes,

though I think they call it doggy daycare now.

Uh.

Sir Aldred of Westfold.

Well met.

Wenzo Thief,

I paid you handsomely for a simple burglary.

I found the castle and the secret chamber

and the stone box, just as you instructed.

Sir Aldred: I've been there myself and found nothing.

Please tell me it was you who stole the relic

before I could.

Alas, no,

when I opened the crypt it was empty.

Sir Aldred: As I feared.

The relic is long gone.

Awfully disappointing.

Sir Aldred: But I am optimistic.

You are?

Sir Aldred: To a fault.

This relic is lost to me, but my hopes remain high,

for there are others.