Original subtitles

Don't forget the trash bags, guys.

This is a pack it in, pack it out campground.

It is still unclear to me

as to why we are making camp.

We're not on a quest?

No.

We aren't on a hunt?

Absolutely not.

We aren't practicing drills?

Not unless you want to.

Well, then what are we about?

We are about unwinding and unplugging

and enjoying a simpler way of life.

Hm?

And we get Dutch oven cobbler!

Cobbler?

Oh yeah, yeah, cobbler is happening.

There are fresh blackberry bushes everywhere

at the campground.

Who got crumbs in my sheep's bladder?

That's a question I'm only gonna hear once

in my life.

Haa!

I got the truck.

Time to load out, campers!

All right.

Go, go.

I told her nine of the clock.

Baldric!

Hexela.

So good of you to invite me along.

Hey!

Oh!

Hm.

What's amiss?

Fire warning.

Route 156 is closed in both directions.

That's the highway we take to the campsite.

The encampment is postponed then?

Oh, honey.

I'm so sorry.

I know how much you look forward to this.

Never fear,

we may still make camp without venturing near the fire.

I know the perfect place.

And it has a few more comforts of home.

Well, let's go, go, go.

Come on!

Okay, so about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta.

And she was in big trouble because she had lots of enemies

and not a lot of friends.

So, her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Ah!

Instead,

they got me.

Ah!

Ow!

Mm.

Well, what say you, Sir Dwight?

Are you enjoying the simpler ways of life?

Are you unwinding and unpugging?

Unplugging.

Hey!

I'm off on my nature walk.

Got your bear spray?

Got it!.

I'll be back by lunch time.

Hraa-ta-ta.

What's that?

Baldric and Chlodwig are returning from the hunt.

The hunt?

I didn't think it was necessary to say,

please don't kill any cute woodland creatures

in preparation of your meals.

Mm.

So, here we are sitting around the fire,

roasting rabbits, just as we do most every day.

It's been squirrels more than rabbits for me lately.

Mm.

Come on!

We agreed you would stop eating the squirrels!

So, what's camping about this?

Well, we're not camping until...

Ta da!

Now, we're camping.

Fresh blackberry cobbler.

Oh-oo-hoo-hoo.

Allow me, Sir Dwight.

Delicious!

Delectable!

Divine.

Delightful.

Thanks guys.

This is one of my better batches.

The secret recipe is fresh blackberries.

Mm.

Mm, mm.

Hey, anybody seen Nana?

She said she'd be back by lunchtime.

You're right.

More cobbler for us.

How long has it been?

Four hours!?

I knew this was a terrible idea.

Let's go camping in the middle

of the spooky woods with this creepy castle

and all the medieval nut jobs.

You said you liked my idea.

I hated the idea

but you were just so pretty and adorable,

I couldn't just smack you down,

plus I really want this opportunity

to impress you with my cobbler.

Sir Dwight is making a fool of himself.

Come brother,

I will distract the attention away

from your ridiculousness.

I would appreciate that.

I'm curious.

What distraction will you use?

Hm?

I have it.

We must find Nana!

Yes.

We will conduct a search.

Let's split up.

I get to go with Hexela!

I've been waiting for a moment such as this

to be alone with her.

Oh Baldric.

When I got up this morning,

I felt old and bloated

and I wanted to chop all of my infuriating hair off,

but you make me feel so wonderful.

And that's why I keep stringing you along.

Oh.

Mm?

Let's away,

we three will search the nearby woods.

We two will search the castle.

Mm.

We will find Nana, Sir Dwight,

or give it a fair effort and return for more cobbler.

Nana! Nana!

Gretta, you're making a weird face

and it's making me nervous.

She looks angry.

She knows that I am the one who got crumbs

in her sheep's bladder.

I knew it!

Is that why you're making that face?

It just so happens,

that I ate so much cobbler

that I now have the tummy bubbles.

Did I just say that out loud?

Yep.

That's okay, everybody gets the tummy bubbles.

Speaking of tummy bubbles,

I think I'll walk off some distance by myself for a time.

Do it, yes.

Please, go ahead.

The farther the better.

I fear the worst.

Keep going Chlodwig!

No, about Nana.

You're right.

These woods are treacherous.

And if something would have happened to Nana,

it would be my fault.

You're scaring me.

I'm scaring myself.

You know what we're gonna do?

We are gonna channel all this anxiety into action

and we're gonna find Nana.

You're brave.

And I like your hair.

You're very large.

Hunnh.

Lady Nana!

I don't like it at all.

You suspect foul play?

I don't like my new body spritz.

It smells like cheese.

Hm, I hadn't noticed.

Oh wait, now I smell it.

Mm.

Something's not right, Baldric.

Aged white cheddar.

We keep saying everything

that pops into our heads.

We do, don't we?

Why would they make a body spritz

that smells like cheese?

I like cheese.

Well, I like some cheese,

I like cheesecake.

Mm.

See, we're doing it again!

You are right and your eyelashes are enchanting.

They're fake.

I don't care.

I have to get away from you.

I've spent years cultivating

the perfect mysterious, alluring mystique.

And I love it.

I'm ruining everything!

Oh!

That is more woman than I can handle.

Any luck?

No, she darted off before I could make my move.

What?

Uh, uh, you mean Lady Nana.

Uh, sorry Sir Dwight.

Our search was fruitless.

Mm.

Someone take this cobbler away from me.

I need help.

You did kinda snarf half the pan.

Sweets are my weakness.

I have a whole stash of them hidden in my boot.

See.

How do you walk with all that candy

in your boot?

But this cobbler is better

than all of my boot sweets put together.

Ew.

What's your secret?

The fresh blackberries I picked them myself

right outside.

Right outside?

Outside the castle?

I'm scared.

They weren't blackberries, Sir Dwight.

They are--

Truth berries.

Truth berries?

Yes.

Anyone who eats truth berries is compelled

to speak the truth.

And only the truth.

For six to eight hours.

That actually clears up a lot for me.

We should tell the others.

Where are the others?

You are an enigma.

You are a mystery.

You are a closed book full of beguiling secrets.

You are marinated

in Cheez Whiz body spritz.

Ah.

Gah.

Bwu.

This is an outrage!

Untie me, you big,

brawny,

broad-shouldered,

beautiful beast.

What mean you three,

by creeping around these woods?

You're the creep buddy.

And if I could reach my bear spray,

you'd be a creep crying on the ground right now!

Bear spray.

Will it turn you into a bear?

No.

Will it turn me into a bear?

Who are you?

I'm just a single witch looking for love.

What are you lot doing here?

'Tis called camping.

To what purpose?

That is the mystery.

How tall are you, handsome woodcutter?

Hexela, stop flirting with our kidnapper.

I can't!

And I won't.

I have a plan.

What?

I thought

if I started talking a plan would come out.

One thing is certain.

We are not alone in this castle.

Ah.

Eeuh.

Aaaah!

aaah.

Princess Gretta.

Emelian?

You know this guy?

Wow, he is ripped and way better looking than me.

This is Emelian,

the son of the royal woodcutter.

And the first boy I ever loved.

Hm.

Wha?

Mm.

Oh yeah, he's got like a ten-pack.

I need a better muscle-toning regimen.

What were you doing prowling about the castle, lad?

You nearly frightened the wits out of us.

I beg your forgiveness,

we meant only to secure the castle.

We?

Well, my father and I--

I fear we have made an unspeakable mistake.

You tied my Nana to a tree!

In his defense,

he does have impressive forearms.

What?

I cannot dislike a man with impressive forearms.

And I can't dislike a man with rippling muscles,

strong hands,

a jaw like an iron hammer,

and eyes that burn like guilty pleasure!

I can.

Begging your forgiveness, Highness.

We mistook your friends for prowlers.

Oh.

An unforgiveable mistake.

Pff, I have already forgiven you.

So, now tell me,

is there a special lady in your life?

All right.

Because, if not--

All right.

Do make yourself comfortable.

What are you doing here?

Hm?

Only making an honest living

as a woodcutter, sir.

Times are hard.

These woods have changed.

I believe you have every quality of my perfect man.

I have a list right here.

I keep it close to my heart.

Whoo!

Number one.

Broad shoulders.

Why can't I stop talking?

Okay. Wow, what a day.

I'll be in my tent.

Nana?

Can we return to the subject at hand!?

Yes, number two, family man.

Check.

Number three, grizzly facial hair.

But, I--

Number four,

I have got to stop... talking.

Oh.

Okay. Group talk, right now, Hexela's tent.

Be right back.

'Kay.

Just, uh, sit tight.

What the?

I'm confused.

Your tent brings us here?

This isn't camping.

You never cease to amaze me, Hexela.

I'm too mortified to accept compliments, Baldric.

The witch is right.

This is a disaster.

Hey guys.

Anyone else think there's something weird going on

with the two super buff woodcutter guys?

Yes!

Yoska is a desirable catch, why hasn't he settled down yet?

Anyone know?

Hm?

I'm hungry.

I think I'll finish off the cobbler.

Oh!

Bring me some.

Baldric and Gretta: No!

It's truth berry cobbler.

What?

Which is why we all keep running our mouths off

with no filter.

Oh.

No filter?

You're pretty much the same Chlodwig.

It had to be truth berries.

Do you think Emelian finds me alluring?

Of course he finds you alluring.

You're the most freakin' alluring girl

anyone's ever seen.

Chlodwig, will you slap me super hard please.

That looks like it hurt.

It did.

You suspect the woodcutters

of some evil purpose, Sir Dwight?

I have a plan.

What?

I'm trying to form it into words in my mouth.

You don't have a plan, do you?

No.

No worries, 'cause I have a plan.

And it starts with cobbler.

Mm.

Very tasty.

It's the best thing I've ever had.

That's sweet of you guys,

it's actually a specialty of mine,

an old family recipe

I have adapted over--

Um, right, task at hand.

Uh, so what are you guys doing here at the castle?

We're looking for a special tree.

Dad!

It's a secret.

So, what's so special about this tree.

Well, it's magic.

If we cut it down we could sell the wood for way more money

than we could spend in a lifetime.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because you,

just ate more than your share of truth berry cobbler.

So, I'll be asking the questions,

if you don't mind.

Thank you.

Emelian,

how do you get those washboard abs and huge biceps?

I swing an ax ten hours a day.

Wow! Really?

Why don't you guys wear a shirt?

We don't have shirts.

So,

what makes you think the magic tree is here?

It isn't.

We know the tree is exactly

thirty furlongs from this castle.

We just don't know in what direction.

We've been searching these woods for years.

Confound it.

We've made a chart.

Of everywhere we've searched.

Only this section remains.

So this magic tree, is in there somewhere?

Why did you guys tie up Nana, Chlodwig and Hexela?

We took them for rival woodcutters.

Woodcutters have rivals?

We shall help you find your magic tree.

Thank you, Highness.

But only answer this one question,

in the years since we last met,

have you ever thought of me?

Princess,

I have thought of you every moment of my life

since the day I first beheld you.

The morning sun is your touch,

the breeze is your kiss,

the rustling of the leaves is your voice.

You are in every breath, and every thought,

and every beat of my heart.

Okay, that answers that question.

Who wants to go on a magic tree quest?

Just about a furlong more.

Oh! Civilization.

My feet are killing me.

Why do I insist on buying an eight and a half

when I know I'm a nine.

Where to, Dwight?

That way.

Quick march.

Son, do you know what that is?

This is the tree you guys want to cut down?

We can sell the wood to wizards and witches

and mages and sorcerers.

Do you take pre-orders?

No one touches this tree!

Gretta.

I will kill any man who touches this tree.

Princess,

Your Highness,

dear child.

It's, it's...

Her mother.

Highness, we didn't know.

We would never harm the queen.

Not for all the money in the world.

There you are!

Huzzah!

We found the tree!

Shh!

I swear on my knees to protect the queen

with my life until the end of my days.

And I so swear.

I dub thee knights of the realm and protectors of the queen.

Rise Sir Yoska and Sir Emelian.

Guys?

Mm.

Good morning, gummi bear.

What are you?

Guys, we're supposed to be camping.

We're celebrating Sir Dwight.

Have a breakfast burrito.

The effects of the truth berries have passed.

You sure?

See if you can tell a lie.

Oh, um.

I did not steal Hexela's perfect man list

and set it on fire.

I knew it!

It's great news,

turns out a little truth can go a long way.

Where's Gretta?

Uh, guys.

Let him pass.

She's beautiful Gretta.