Original subtitles

Any sign of her?

Just the gnarly grey guy.

I see her!

She lives.

Oh!

What's with the chicken and the duck?

I believe the princess, the chicken and the duck

are ingredients in an ogre delicacy.

Wah-ha!

That's an ogre?

Oh!

As I feared, prinducken.

A chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a princess.

What's your plan?

It- it- it's still taking shape.

A lot of the details aren't filled in,

but it starts with a diversion.

Good, good!

So, um, you run that way screaming your head off

and waving your arms

like you're being attacked by killer bees.

And then?

Then we assess our options.

Ah!

Sir Aldred!

Ah!

Ah!!!

Oh!

Easy now.

That's it.

Oh, oh!

Ha.

I'm coming Your Highness.

This, uh, here we are.

Oh, are you all right?

Indeed.

Who are you?

Uh, I mean to say,

we have not had the pleasure, good sir knight.

Sir Aldred of Westfold at your service.

Well met, Sir Aldred of Westfold.

It is your honor to have given aid

to Princess Gretta the Besieged.

Your Highness.

These two little guys are okay.

Rise, Sir Aldred.

I am in your debt.

Let us away,

the woods grow dark and treacherous.

When I learned of your plight princess,

of the siege upon your castle,

I came with all due speed to aid your cause.

Alas, I became lost in the woods

and to my shame

I was overcome by a strange and powerful sleep.

The champion spell.

Pardon?

The spell that saved us from the siege.

It put everyone in the forest to sleep.

Ingenious.

Yes, and no.

I'm afraid we all overslept.

A thousand years passd

until a champion came to break the spell.

What champion?

Sir Dwight of Woodside.

Ah, hm.

Oh, oh, oh.

Hey man.

Nice horse.

Your page boy?

What's a page boy?

Okay, so about a thousand years ago

there was this princess, Gretta.

And she was in big trouble

because she had lots of enemies

and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric

cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come, break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up,

instead...

Ahhh!

they got me.

Ah!

Come Sir Dwight, raise a tankard with us.

No, thanks,

that stuff will take the enamel off your teeth.

Ah, strong spirits.

Orange soda.

Go on Sir Aldred,

how did you escape the goblin lair?

By brute force, naturally.

Baldric and Gretta: Naturally.

Is that how you came about this scar?

No, Highness,

this was given me by a howler some years ago.

Oh.

Did you say a howler?

I did.

What's a howler?

This was given to me by a howler during the siege

of our cliffside fortress.

What, what's a howler?

Vicious beasts, those howlers.

We had to remove the fangs with flaming hot pincers.

What's a howler?

It's a creature

that cannot be described, Sir Dwight.

It's, it's like a massive...

Rabid dog.

But with no fur...

Fetch me pen and ink.

You're all set.

Ooo, ho, ho, ho.

You can draw too.

Astonishing likeness, Sir Aldred.

Remarkable.

So, who's hungry?

Famished.

Sir Dwight has prepared a feast for us of uh, uh...

Tofu, cashew, lettuce wraps.

They're super healthy.

Mm.

Hey, old fellows.

Friend or foe?

Friend, Chlodwig.

This is Sir Aldred of Westfold.

Sir Aldred,

Prince Chlodwig the Unstable.

Westfold, eh?

I spent my summers there as a lad.

Did you train with Sir Guntrall?

Uh...

Red beard, one eye, eight fingers?

Learn to love the sight

of your own blood, my lads.

Ah, I believe he was after my time, Your Highness.

Lucky you.

Sir Aldred, Sir Aldred, I know that name.

Well, my deeds have been heralded across kingdoms

in word and song.

If not for Sir Aldred

I would be cooking in an ogre's oven,

stuffed with yon chicken and duck.

Prinducken, eh?

They've taken a liking to Sir Dwight.

Yeah, watch this.

They think I'm their mom.

Hm.

♪ Alack my bones will turn to dust. ♪

♪ hey nonny, nonny.

♪ Alack my skin will turn to crust. ♪

♪ Hey nonny, nonny.

♪ When in my grave deep underground, ♪

♪ the rats and spiders run around. ♪

♪ Hey nonny, nonny.

♪ Hey, hey, hey.

♪ Nonny, nonny.

A rousing ditty, well-played, Sir Aldred,

well-played.

And he's musical.

Well sung, all.

Let's sing it again.

Let's not!

Okay, so we are all set up for s'mores,

so this is a marshmallow and...

you ate them.

You guys didn't let me finish.

What you want to do, is toast them over the fire.

Oh.

Oh, I made a double one for Chlodwig,

is he coming?

He said something about a pressing engagement.

Really?

Man, he was excited,

I could barely keep him out of the marshmallows.

Mine is ablaze.

Oh, just shake it off,

I'll get you another.

Okay.

What you want is a nice even toast.

Tell me, Sir Dwight.

By what valorous deeds

were you made Princess Gretta's champion?

Oh, I fell in a hole.

And I landed on her and woke her up.

Pardon?

And you kissed me.

Not on purpose.

He doesn't like to admit it.

Ah, a binding spell.

Sir Dwight's fate is bound to Princess Gretta's

by that kiss.

Exactly.

Yours is done.

Now for the graham crackers and chocolate.

Ah. Not bad.

It feels like it needs something more.

I have it.

What if we took these toasted white confections

and placed them

in between the crackers and the chocolate.

Oh.

Brilliant.

Ha.

Oh.

Enjoy.

Now, princess, I see your predicament.

What predicament?

But the solution is as plain.

What solution?

You are a genius, Sir Aldred!

Mm.

An unbinding spell, princess.

It would loose Sir Dwight from his obligation

as your champion.

What?

How?

It requires that another take Sir Dwight's place.

Who?

Do not mistake me,

Sir Dwight has performed his office with honor,

now surely if you should require your champion

to nurture your chickens and ducks

or prepare medicinal plants.

Those were lettuce wraps.

Then Sir Dwight is your man.

But, for all else, Highness,

I offer myself as your champion,

if it so please you.

Hey Nana.

Is that you, sweetie?

Yeah.

Hexela's taking ten years off my face.

Though it will add ten years

to the bottoms of your feet.

A price I'm willing to pay.

Mm.

So, there's this new guy.

Oh?

Sir Aldred of Westfold.

Sounds like a fancy pants.

Sir Aldred, where have I heard that name?

Probably in some epic song.

He beat up an ogre all by himself.

He fights hairless dogs.

Like chihuahuas?

Yeah, only a lot bigger and meaner.

And he draws,

and he plays the lyre,

and he has a horse.

Huh, an unusually accomplished young man.

Yup.

And, he wants to be Gretta's champion.

No kidding.

How?

Some kind of champion do-over spell.

That will make him the champion

and will let me off the hook.

Wow.

Yeah, right?

Isn't that great?

And to just not have to worry about what crazy

is gonna come out of the woods next?

Boy, yeah.

To not be dragged into every gothic showdown.

Mm.

To not be the go-to guy

when some medieval loon has a grievance.

Absolutely.

And to seal the spell,

the-the treatment.

Please touch your fingertips together

and hold them over your heart.

Oh.

What the heck?

What is that stuff?

Don't worry about it.

Ah!

All done, honey.

I'm just gonna dust this off.

Oh.

And what does Gretta think?

Oh, well, of course she wants Sir Aldred.

She said so?

N-n-no,

but it's obviously obvious that he's the right guy.

He's like 22 and ripped.

Hm.

You know better than anyone

that there is more to the champion job than muscles.

And sick combat skills?

Okay.

And a horse.

Stop.

I didn't get you a horse when you were kid

because of our zoning regulations.

I know.

So, you don't have a horse,

or knight skills,

or ripply muscles.

He couldn't do a pull-up

for the President's Physical Fitness Test,

he couldn't even bend his elbows.

It wasn't actually a requirement.

Exactly.

That's my point.

Um, um I'm not following.

Dwight, honey.

Think of everything you've done

since you first woke that girl up.

You didn't ask for this champion job.

That's true.

But you're gettin' it done, your way.

Horse, or no horse.

Mm, hm, hm.

You're a miracle worker.

Anything amiss, Your Highness?

All is well.

Sir Aldred is a noble knight.

He is.

He's brave, and stalwart.

He's a very skilled swordsman.

Indeed.

Think of it, Baldric.

If he had arrived in the woods a day sooner,

he might have saved us from the siege.

Or, if he had arrived in the woods, a day later,

he might have been the one to wake you.

How oddly fate conspires.

Sir Dwight doesn't know a broadsword

from a bludgeon.

'Tis true.

I go to bed every night amazed

that he has survived another day.

Mm.

And yet--

Princess?

I have known many warriors, Baldric.

Many have spoken brave words,

then have left me when brave deeds were needed,

but Dwight,

he has never failed me.

Hey man.

Sir Dwight!

Good morrow.

Is that my?

Pardon?

It's all yours.

Sir Aldred, breakfast is ready within.

Right-o.

I've been thinking.

As have I.

You go first.

No, continue.

Okay.

Uh, I guess what I've been thinking is,

that the two of us,

we don't make a lot of sense, really.

I mean, you're a gothic warrior princess

from a thousand years ago

and I'm, well, none of those things.

But--

Yes?

It's kinda working.

At least we've done all right so far.

Indeed we have.

So, like Nana says, if it ain't broke...

What?

Don't fix it.

Ah, I see.

We shan't fix what ain't...

broke.

Whatever happens, we'll just handle it.

Oh, man.

Ah!

Gretta!

Sir Aldred!!!

Princess!

Take cover!

That was my grandmother's sword.

What courage.

Turns out we're not working

as well as I thought we were five minutes ago.

Five minutes ago, we were idiots!

What skill.

It's not you, it's not me.

It's just reality.

The sooner we face it, the longer we'll live.

Agreed.

What valor.

The fact is, you've got a lot of enemies,

big, scary, mean-looking, hairy enemies.

That's the guy for the job, we're looking at him.

He is a sight to behold.

Premium champion material.

Oh, oh, ho, ho.

It's not like I won't still be here if you need me.

I think you know I'm always here to help.

Most gallant of you.

Oh.

Oh, you know, and we're neighbors,

and I'll see you at school.

Ah.

Sir Aldred!

Magnificent!

So, we've been thinking about your offer.

Sir Aldred of Westfold,

you are the champion of my choice.

The spell requires only a few

of your personal accoutrements.

My what?

A tear drop.

Okay.

A stream of spittle,

Ew.

and a drop of blood.

Uh.

Allow me.

Ah! That hurt.

Uh, that hurt.

Blood, spittle, tears.

Hey!

Let us be off!

All is ready.

I did not expect you to survive a fortnight,

Sir Dwight.

Thanks big guy.

You're certain you know the way

to your hidden castle?

Of course.

And the secret chamber

where good Baldric cast the champion spell?

I could find it with my eyes closed.

Then lead on, Highness.

One moment.

We shall return tomorrow.

Great! Have fun!

New sword?

It was my grandmother's.

Oh, I thought the other one was your grandmother's.

She had a lot of swords.

Cool.

Things won't be exactly as they have been.

Everything happens for a reason.

Sir Aldred showing up when he did?

It was, it was meant to be.

We'll still be friends.

Friends.

Good luck, Gretta.

Thank you, Dwight.

Ah!

Ah!

Chlodwig?

Ah!

Where is the villain?

What villain?

What happened?

Sir Aldred of Westfold.

If he even is of Westfold, which I'm beginning to doubt.

What?

The knave struck me a blow to the head

and a second to the nose.

I see he did you the same indignity.

Yeah, actually.

Did he also swab

your blood, spittle and tears?

For the do-over spell, he said, but why would he?

Chlodwig?

Who is this guy?

The devil himself.

Where is the princess?

Well, she went back with him.

And Baldric?

To the woods and quickly!

There's no time to lose.