Original subtitles

Hello?

Aww.

Okay, so about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta.

And she was in big trouble

because she had lots of enemies

and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss,

and deal with Gretta's big scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Instead, they got me.

Ow!

Welcome to my happy place.

Here.

Hm.

Lead on.

It's a beautiful thing you're doing, Gretta.

It will be.

With the proper depth of water,

and a healthy cover of moss...

What?

...and the right creatures lurking beneath the surface.

The surface of what?

Hey, Dwight.

Hello.

Hey, Sophie.

Where's Biscuit?

He just went home with his forever family.

Aw!

Cocoa Puff has a buddy!

Aw!

Aw, hey guys!

How are you doing?

I have someone that wants to say hello.

There you go.

Right?

Hi, kids!

Oh, morning, Linda!

Gretta, this is Linda, the shelter director.

Gretta here is looking for the perfect animal

to fill that hole in her heart.

Something ferocious and terrifying.

Pardon?

Where do you keep the vicious creatures?

You said you wanted a pet.

An animal, or several...

dozen.

To infest the moat, and to strike terror and awe

into the hearts of any invaders.

Oh.

Wow.

Ha.

This is an animal shelter?

A place where normal, non-lunatics come

to adopt a pet?

To what purpose?

Well, to get homeless animals off the street,

for one.

That is a feat that could easily be accomplished

by making a very large stew.

No, no, we are not having this conversation.

Not in my happy place.

We got a call about this wittle guy.

He wandered in from the woods last night.

Aw!

Any sign of it, Your Highness?

We shall see no sign of it

until its fangs are in our throats.

I shouldn't have left him behind, Baldric.

My courage failed me, and now...

oh, poor Sir Dwight.

Hey guys!

Sir Dwight!

You are not dead.

How did you escape?

Ah! Ah.

It has been an honor to serve you,

Your Highness.

This is Peanut.

Hello, nut-jobs.

You don't mean to house that demon?

Oh, I wish, but Nana has a dandruff sensitivity,

so I'll just be the foster dad.

Ashum-baraki-rashaba!

Confound it!

Aren't you a cute wittle peanut.

That is no peanut, Sir Dwight.

'Tis a varger.

Well, I'm gonna go to the pet store

and get some puppy supplies.

You guys want to come or are you too busy with your crazy?

It was this same varger that devoured

my great uncle Grimbald,

and developed a lust for royal flesh

that caused it to hunt my family for three generations.

I saw it devour four men in one day.

This is a baby dog.

Not a vargal.

Varger.

It takes this shape only to lure fools to their deaths.

Well, I'm no fool.

Hail, gamekeeper.

We require creatures of...

defense.

Sorry?

To repel invaders?

Our moat is near completion.

It's for a water feature at their house.

Sir Dwight, you must believe me.

This demon will split you from nave to chops.

From what to what?

I watched with my own eyes

as it breached the castle walls.

It tore apart every man that dared to stand against it,

or were so unlucky to stand in its path.

Why aren't you listening to me?

Large creatures.

Well, we have koi?

Oh.

They can get to be good sized.

Are they stalwart?

Stal... what?

Do they run at the first sign of danger?

They kinda just stay in their pond.

Ah.

I can still hear their anguished screams.

I couldn't save them.

I couldn't save myself.

Baldric's magic was the only thing preserving our lives.

What are you getting into, you little troublemaker?

Aw, you are so cute.

Are they ferocious?

Well, they can be territorial.

Ah.

Just so.

Make haste.

I must release the koi from these bags within the hour.

You guys take care of that.

I'm gonna take Peanut to the dog park.

He will tear you limb from joint.

Would you do that?

Would you tear me limb from joint?

I'll protect you if I can.

No, Highness.

Leave him to his folly.

I fear that's what the creature wants.

To strike when Sir Dwight is alone and helpless.

I owe him this much, Baldric.

See to the koi.

If we haven't returned in...?

Like a half hour-ish.

You may rightly assume the worst.

Your best chance is to make your escape

while it devours Sir Dwight.

Okay.

Come, let's get you home, before you become enraged.

Hi there.

Who are you here with?

The pig-headed one.

Oh, what a cutie.

He has no idea what he's playing with.

My little guy's not the brightest bulb either,

but we don't love them for their brains, do we?

Indeed we do not.

Is he a rescue?

Hardly the rescue I imagined,

but fate has a wicked sense of humor.

Rufus!

Get your nose out of that.

Hey, come on, come on.

Come on, buddy!

Hey.

Check this!

Peanut is so smart.

The key is understanding pack mentality

and asserting yourself as the alpha.

A dog that knows its place in the pack is a happy dog.

Peanut, sit.

Sit.

Good boy.

Now, fetch!

He is playing you like a fife.

Okay, you're not a dog person.

Look, I get it.

You had some bad experiences in your younger life.

That's okay, no judgement, I firmly believe

that everybody,

even the most insensitive jerk I've ever known,

has an animal soulmate.

Uh oh!

You're keeping that?

Feast and grow, my koi army.

Well hiya, neighbor!

Good e'en, common folk.

Wow.

Sure comin' along with your... improvements.

Should your lands come under attack,

you may take refuge within.

Cool.

Well, it's great to see the neighborhood

getting some character.

Have a great day.

I heard about these guys on Nat Geo,

they're called preppers.

Preppers.

Highness, are you unscathed?

And... your champion?

Oh.

Whoop!

Wah.

Still in one piece.

He's so sweet.

The demon bides its time.

Hi there!

Are you Dwight?

You must be the Mitchells.

Yes.

Nice to meet you.

Good to meet you.

We are looking for a puppy brother.

Oh, well come on by and meet Peanut!

Come here, buddy.

Come on, Peanut!

Hold!

Not the child!

Save yourself, you beef-wits!

Don't worry about it, they're just rehearsing

for "The Revenge of Joan of Arc"?

Uh huh.

He's a sweet little guy, and so trainable.

Uh, Peanut?

Watch.

Sit.

Good boy!

And I've only been working with him for an afternoon.

That's awesome.

What are you asking for him?

Well, first you'll need to fill out an application form

with Linda at the shelter;

she'll want to do a full home inspection.

Okay.

No!

Baldric, I can't watch.

Look away, child, look away.

It's moments like these, right?

You've got some weird neighbors, Dwight.

Hey, Gretta!

You... busy?

What's amiss?

Nothing, everything's totally not amiss.

Just wondering if you've seen Peanut?

He got out of his crate somehow.

Nana's checking up that way.

Wow, you got a bell.

To the keep.

Well, he's probably just off chasing squirrels.

Arm the battlements!

Ah!

Come on, you don't throw axes.

When did you put that in?

The entrances are barred, Highness.

What is the alarm?

Tell him.

Peanut got out.

Boil the animal fat!

Ew.

Fortify the postern.

Let me die well.

Whatever, Braveheart.

I'm gonna go find my dog.

Too late.

It's just a power outage.

I have a flashlight on my--

Where's my phone?

The varger has come.

Make for the ramparts!

The what parts?

Outside.

What was that?

Peanut?

It got past the koi.

Hm.

Outside.

No!

Guys, seriously?

He's just a cute little...

...puppy dog?

Hey... who's a good boy?

Peanut's a... peanut's a...

Varger.

What is a varger, exactly?

Oh, now you'd like to know!

Run, Highness!

I'll keep it at bay.

I'm the type of guy

that can admit when I've been wrong.

I would like to apologize.

I would like to wring your neck.

In my defense, it was a really cute puppy dog!

Dwight!

Come on.

I'm okay.

Okay?

Okay?

Why, Peanut?

You were such a good boy!

You were so well-mannered, and easy to train,

and...

Wait.

What are you doing?

Peanut?

Sit.

Now, fetch!

Run!

Get inside.

Get the big axes!

Put stuff in front of the door.

How's that animal fat coming?

I see it.

I think it's wounded.

What?

Aw.

Poor little demon beast.

That's the pack.

I think they're calling it home.

There's a whole pack of those things?

They keep mostly to the woods,

but that little one has been hunting us for years.

Listen.

If you ever tell me

that my puppy is a... a-a-a var-googer.

A vug--

A varger?

That.

I promise I'll take your word for it.

'Tis I, you fools.

Baldric!

I beg your pardon, I meant to say,

"'Tis I you fool.

And Your Highness."

Baldric, I got you.

Oh, you're all right.

I am pleased that neither the varger

nor the fall from the ramparts have killed you.

And I am relieved to have done my duty

in keeping you alive yet another day.

Do you guys ever hug?

That is enough excitement for one night.

In you go.

You have peasant school in the morning.

Ugh.

Help me, Sir Dwight.

Oh, sorry.

Gotcha.

Whoa--ah!

Maybe you're more of a cat person.

Or a chinchilla, maybe?

What was that?

Chlodwig.

Good morrow, brother!

Hey, buddy, wow!

But what are you doing here?

What is he doing here?

Princess Gretta was kind enough to offer me lodging

in her hermit hut.

You mean the bike shed?

So he lives here now?

You're okay with that?

It's the least I could do.

He is my cousin, after all.

He's your... wait, what?

Ew.

And, as mummy always says, blood is thicker than water.

Quite a bit thicker.

Ah.

How soon until they are ready to fight?

Soon, Highness.

Then let our foes tremble.

Nope.

Captioned byBYUtv.