Original subtitles

I love it! - Oh, it's great.

It's great, isn't it?

It is an emergency actually!

Hi! Hiya! Hi, everyone.

What is she doing? - I don't know!

I just wanted to take this opportunity to give some love to the bride, Leona.

There she is, our little mouse.

Our shy girl. Who'd have thought she'd be the first one getting married, eh?

Ah, she's my beautiful girl. - Aw.

Well, you would say that, Tania. You're her mam.

Ah, no, you've done a lovely job organising this weekend

with, like, no money. Fair play to you.

But I wouldn't be doing my job as maid of honour

if I didn't do something amazing for little Leona!

I've got a big surprise for you guys!

She brought a laptop.

Leona, we've been best friends since we were 4.

We've always been there for each other, always.

Madam, I need to put the music back on-- When I'm finished!

And that's why I wanted to do something special for you,

for your hen do. And what is more special...

than a luxury villa!

Oh!

Now I know that most of you won't have seen anything like this before.

It's Love Island amazing.

But it's here, in Benidorm! Only 15 minutes away.

I've dropped a pin in the WhatsApp group, and, um, I say, let's head there now!

No. No! No... No!

What's the matter? - No, Megan, this is my thing.

I organised this weekend for my girl.

Yeah! Like you organised the Hotel Sol y Salsa that's 3 stars on TripAdvisor.

Bleurgh!

You'll probably all be getting chlamydia off the sheets.

Jesus!

Guys, this place has an electric fire pit.

I don't need nothing else.

We've got music and wine.

And each other! - Yeah.

And wine.

Um, can somebody ask the DJ to put the music back on?

Leona?

Have I not always looked after you?

No.

You've only ever been a nasty little bitch, so.

Mam... Mam!

Breathe...

Breathe!

I have been nothing but nice to all of you this weekend.

I have been so respectful to you, Tania.

Even though you went to jail.

And I haven't said anything about you, Cora, and we both know I could.

And Chloe, I could have gone on about

how pathetic and weird you've been for the last two years

and I haven't, because I'm nice.

Thanks for that.

Are you honestly not coming?

Fine, I'm going to go on my own.

Argh!

Stay here in this hole!

Get out of my way, jailbird!

Oh! Wagon. - Shall I go?

No, come back here.

We're enjoying our night. Forget about her.

Drinks, come on, get that music on. - Yeah.

She's a lunatic. - Yes.

Come on, let's dance!

Hola?

Hola?

Dios mio!

Now, why would you go and do something like that?

You need to stop running this pub like it's your own living room.

I don't. - You've taken your shoes off.

I get hot feet.

I think it's fungal.

"Need your help."

"Please."

Estupendo, another case.

Nah, I'm done with all that.

I'm sorry, but doing nothing is not an option.

By the third case, the police have come to rely on their consulting detective.

You remember I made you watch episode 3

of Hetty Winthrop Investigates. - Give me my phone.

It's OK, I'll reply.

Be right there! Kiss or no kiss?

I think kiss. - No kiss, and I'm not going.

I looked into your alcohol licence.

Maria was right. You are dodgy.

How is that? - It expired 2 years ago.

It's not been 2 years!

No, it's been 2 years and 5 months.

They could close your pub down overnight and give you a huge fine and... ban you from having a licence in Spain ever again.

Really?

Really, but Maria can protect you.

All you have to do is make yourself indispensable to her.

Well...?

I'm gonna need my shoes.

Lost your balloon, little man?

You should see the hot tub. It's bigger than my apartment.

So! What do we know?

Victim is Megan Heaney, 35.

Maid of honour on a hen party, strangled with a sash.

She left the bar alone on Carrer Gerona around midnight.

She said she was coming here.

Current thinking, she might have met someone or was followed.

You don't think it was one of the other hens?

I've seen enough hen parties in my pub to know

they can be a toxic mix of old beef and lady petrol.

What? - No idea.

I mean, you have these people who have known each other for years,

under all the pressure of a wedding, jacked up on white wine.

I see. Please explain more to me about how female friendships work.

Well, either way, it's obvious that Megan was killed in a non-premeditated attack

by someone she knew who probably escaped out the patio doors.

Simple. I'd have this solved by dinner time.

Which for British people is about 4:30.

How do you know that? - Look alive, Jésus.

The clues are all there. There's no sign of a forced entry.

Two glasses of champagne.

Megan obviously knew whoever was in here.

Now if you're planning on killing someone, you take a weapon with you.

But in this case, the killer used whatever came to hand, and that was the sash, yeah?

So a crime of passion.

Now once the killer realises what they've done, they panic,

leg it out the patio doors at the back here.

But in their haste, they knock the vase off the thingamy jig,

causing it to fall to the floor and break.

Anything else? - Yeah, two things.

There's a partial shoe print by the front door.

Was the victim wearing trainers? - No, they were heels.

So it's not Megan's.

And the second thing?

Yeah, don't ever call me English again.

Jésus, the victim's boyfriend is arriving at the airport soon.

Please can you go and meet him?

Oh no, please, you know I'm not good with sad people.

Thank you, Jésus. - Thank you, Jésus.

Thank you, Jésus.

Do you really think it was one of her friends?

I told you, old beef. We just have to work out

which hen had those trainers, and chances are we've got our killer.

Easy peasy.

Maybe not that easy peasy.

I'm sorry about your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Please accompany me, please.

Come with me.

She's dead. I'm sorry. Let's go.

Oh, this is just fecking awful.

I can't believe she's gone. - I was talking about my hangover.

Yeah, obviously. - I think we should all pray.

Ah, come on now, Cora, it's not that bad.

OK, guaranteed hangover cure, extra spicy Bloody Mary with an egg.

Oh!

Urgh...

So... an Irish bar.

Well, we all just wanted to be somewhere we felt safe.

We hear you're some kind of special investigators.

Yes, do you know Midsommer Murders? We're like Barnaby and Troy.

The original lineup before they ruined it!

We're simply trying to help the Spanish police find out who did this.

And we really appreciate it, cause we all know the Spanish police

are going to want to be fingering someone for this.

Well, I'm worried that they're gonna want to finger one of us!

Jesus, Cora, can you stop saying fingering?

I think you'll be fine.

We just need to establish what you did last night after you left the bar.

Uh... some of it went into my hair.

We all just... went back to the hotel.

Together?

Yes. - No.

Me and Leona went back together.

What time?

Uh, it was 2. I'd say around 2. 2, yeah.

Mm.

And I just went home to bed.

Straight home? - Yes.

No.

I went for a walk on the beach and then I went home to bed.

Beddy-byes.

At what time?

About one?

It was definitely one.

And yourself?

No idea. It's just blank.

I woke up this morning, my back's killing me, and I'm missing 200 euro.

And I don't think I'm ever gonna drink again. Oh God!

They're all liars, Dennis! You know how I know that they are lying?

They said they left the bar at 2 a.m.-- - But the bar closes at 1.

Can you just let me have my moment?

Sorry, OK, go on. And why is Cora lying?

No, you're just going to jump in and steal my thunder again.

I won't, I promise. - OK.

Cora said she was walking on the beach at 1 a.m--

But the beach closes at midnight-- - Dennis!

Right, so three of them are lying. What about the other one?

The one with the sick in her hair? - Aye.

Says she can't remember a thing. So what do we do, Burnaby?

Barnaby, it's Barnaby.

Why would you get Midsommer Murders wrong like that?

Go on, go on. - Well, if I was leading the case,

I would speak to the victim's boyfriend.

You'd question the man who was 1,000 miles away

at the time the murder happened. - Yeah!

We need him to dish the dirt on all the hens.

Who hated Megan and why. - Old beef.

Stop saying that. It's weird.

She was like the most beautiful woman I ever met.

Paul, we need your help. We need you to be our character witness.

Sorry, I--

This has broken me, so... I can't even think straight.

Cheesy chips? - Gracias.

Look, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but we think

one of the hens might have been responsible for killing Megan.

What-- no! They're like sisters.

From experience, let me tell you,

there were plenty of times I could've killed my sister.

One time for no reason, she told our father

I slept over at the home of Alvaro Hernandez

when his parents were out of town-- - Rosa...!

OK.

Can you think of any reason why Leona might have been mad at Megan?

I guess.... Leona's always sort of been in Megan's shadow.

Megan was always the popular one.

Always had the nice clothes,

the nice car. - You think she was jealous?

Maybe.

I suppose when Megan told Leona about the villa, it could have... you know.

Crystallised those feelings? - No, just made them real.

Megan said something to Tania about her going to jail.

Oh, yeah, for like 2 weeks. She hit a man with a shoe.

A shoe? - His shoe.

I don't think she'd normally have gone to jail, but... she called the judge an eejit.

So you'd say Tania had a temper?

Well, you know what you women can get like!

No, please tell me.

What about Cora?

Cora?

Cora didn't kill Megan. She's basically a nun.

You give someone enough wine... - Trust me.

Cora's only drinking wine when it's with a little wafer.

I'm talking about communion. - So, she's pious?

No, just really religious.

And Chloe?

Chloe-- - Paul... my darling, how are you?

So sorry, darling. - It's awful, isn't it?

Oh my God, look at him. He's wasting away.

You need to eat something! - I know, I know.

Everyone's in shock.

Cora.

Uptight and religious.

Leona.

Mousey best friend.

Tania? - Angry mother.

- I can't say as I agree with you,

reducing these women to sound bites, Dennis.

Women are a complex symphony of unique traits.

And it's entirely wrong to make crass generalisations.

They get tetchy if you do that.

I feel so seen.

Looking at her socials...

I think you've got her all wrong, you know.

She had hobbies, loved animals.

Wait, wait, wait, go back. That one of them in the pub garden.

Yeah, them two at the back.

That's Paul and Chloe.

They used to be together.

Chloe... the ex-girlfriend.

I can't take lying anymore. I need to tell someone.

Don't be saying things like that, Leona.

They're gonna find out!

You want to go to jail, do you?

You know what life is like inside? - No... It's hell. - Mam!

You went to an open prison for 10 days.

I've been to Centre Parcs for longer.

Only you probably played more pickleball.

Well...!

You'd be going to the other kind of prison anyways!

The kind full of Hairy Marys that'll want their way with you.

Well, maybe we could just tell Auntie Cora.

No!

I do not need my sister judging me more than she already does.

Listen to me.

If you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth shut, OK? - OK...

OK, yeah, OK.

Can you get married in prison?

Oh...

Why are you rushing? - Maria just texted me.

Forensics are running tests on the hens' shoes.

Trying to find a match for that print.

OK, so why are you rushing?

Because whoever left that shoe print

is probably the killer, and I want to solve it first.

I lit a candle.

Megan loved candles.

It's what she would have wanted.

You got 5 minutes?

Me and Chloe were together.

And then about two years ago... Megan and I started to fall in love, and well, I had to follow my heart.

Megan inspired me to always be the best version of myself.

And to start weight loss jabs.

That's love. - How did Chloe take it?

She turned into a bit of a looper right after I left, but... I dunno.

A looper? - Yeah, crazy like.

She cut up all my good pants.

And then Chloe--

She sent some weird, threatening messages to Megan.

That kind of thing. - You think she wanted to hurt Megan?

I don't know, maybe.

Megan thought that Chloe coming on the hen do meant she was really over it.

And I thought so too.

Do you remember how earlier we were asking about

reasons why people might want to hurt Megan?

You didn't think of leading with that one?

Dennis! - Well, it could've saved us some time.

Sorry, I'm just not thinking right.

Thanks again, Paul. You go and get some rest.

What?!

I think we should go and speak to Chloe. Don't you?

Chloe was blind drunk last night!

That could have been just an act, a distraction to confuse everyone.

You heard him. She turned into a looper.

I think I should talk to Chloe alone, entre mujeres.

I know what it's like to have your heart broken.

You're assuming I don't! - By a man.

You're assuming I don't.

Tom Boyd.

Scored an own goal against Brazil in the World Cup.

You're not ready to interview on your own.

You want to go and talk to the hungover woman

about the most painful time of her life?

The important thing about interviewing someone

is to listen, OK? You give them space.

Dennis, please. This is not my first rodeo.

My first boyfriend, Pedro Garcia Hernandez, left me for my best friend Elena.

I was 16 and I thought we'd be together forever!

I even designed my wedding dress.

It had a long tail, a lace back...

I never spoke to Elena again, but I did look at her wedding pictures

on Instagram and it rained and she looked like a wet cow, so I'm thinking that's karma!

How are you feeling? - Still bad.

I'm a mess, Rosa.

Oh, I'm still covered in little willies.

I think you should eat something. - No, I can't ever eat again.

Or move.

It's fine.

I live on this sofa now.

OK, now I'm going to stop talking and give you space to tell your story.

Well, it sounds a lot more romantic to have your heart broken

by a Pedro Garcia Hernandez... than a Paul Murphy.

Mmm, depends on your type.

I shouldn't have come out here.

I think you were very brave and strong.

No, I was stupid.

I hated Megan.

And I still love Paul.

I guess that makes me a suspect or something, does it?

It would help if you can remember anything after you left the pub last night.

I guess I fell over, 'cause my back is killing me.

Let me see.

Oh!

OK...

I think I know what you did last night.

Jesus!

I found the tattoo parlour that did it.

The guy said Chloe came in just after 1 a.m.

and the tattoo took four hours.

She's got an alibi. - Yeah!

Well, that accounts for one of them.

The other three?

I know someone who might be able to help us.

Don't say Jackie.

Hi, Jackie. - Hi.

Don't sit on my scoot-mobile.

Do you want a watch?

I think all men should have a watch.

Rulox?

Bulgarian Rolex.

They all come from the same factory.

We're looking for some information.

About the Irish woman.

We need to establish what her friends did last night

after she left them. Do you know anything?

No.

Ah, well, there's five minutes I'll never get back.

But I do know something that happened before.

I saw the woman with too much makeup.

Megan?

OK, with the little woman with the bad clothes.

Cora?

OK, and they were arguing, and then the little woman with the bad clothes

tried to hit the woman with too much makeup.

Interesting!

Do you know what they were arguing about?

No.

OK, thanks, Jackie. I owe you one.

Owe me... what?

I don't know, a drink. - OK, when?

Not sure. - Maybe it's better to have the cash.

I'll bring it to you. - OK, but when?

Just walk away.

Thanks very much.

The waiter's come in, put it down.

She's looking very pensive.

That drink is bigger than her head.

OK, here's the play.

We force Cora into telling us the truth.

I will be good cop. Could I get you a cup of tea?

You will be bad cop.

Drink up, you tart! You're nicked!

Cora's a devout Catholic.

If there's one thing she can handle, it's living with guilt.

You know you're different when you're doing this, when you're solving crime.

Why, what am I like the rest of the time?

Lazy, impatient, depressed.

I'm not depressed.

It's OK, 'cause you're doing this now.

This is your happy pill.

I'm only doing this until I can sort my licence out.

You cannot sort your licence out.

If you apply for a new one, they will realise you haven't had one

for two years and the same thing will happen. You'll get a big fine.

She's moving.

This is so cool.

You're doing it all wrong. You're way too close!

So what do I do with the pub then?

I can't moonlight with the Spanish police forever.

You won't need to, just long enough so that I can apply for an alcohol licence.

You? - Yeah!

I can be the licensee and no one needs to know

you've been breaking the law for two years.

How long will that take? - A few months.

You just need to make me the bar manager.

What?!

I also looked at your bank statements.

I think you need an accountant.

I'm not wasting money on an accountant.

My father says a good accountant actually saves you money.

What does your father do? - He's an accountant.

She's a dark horse.

You keep making that joke. I don't know who Black Beauty is.

No, Auntie Cora. She's just gone into that strip club.

No, no, no, no!

What are you doing here?

Funny 'cause that's exactly what I was gonna ask you.

I never wanted to come here. It was all Tanya.

I had three... what they call Jaeger bombs.

I really wasn't myself.

Did something happen in here?

Tanya paid for me to have a private dance with Bernardo.

He's just like a big conker!

Me and Sean have been together for 20 years.

I believe in the sanctity of marriage.

God help me, I've never met a man like him!

There's so much oil.

Has this got anything to do with the argument you had

with Megan on the beach yesterday?

How'd you know about that?

Megan saw us. - Having a private dance with Bernardo?

If only it was just that.

Bernardo started getting fresh with me.

I didn't stop him. There really was so much oil.

Cora, did you have sex with Bernardo?

In the disabled toilet.

I just remember feeling so grateful that I'd shaved my legs.

But then, when after we came out, Megan was standing there.

She laughed. So cold, like.

What did she say?

She threatened to tell everyone.

Sean, everyone at Rock Choir.

Even Father Brian.

Although he's in no position to judge.

So why come back here, Cora?

It's my penance.

I took confession today.

The Father said I needed to face the man I sinned with and renounce him.

At least I think that's what he said. His English was terrible.

Cora, where did you go last night after you left the bar?

Straight back to the hotel, I swear.

You never went to that villa?

As I sit before you, Dennis, I might be a wanton harlot, but I'm no murderer.

You like a drink?

Oh Lord!

It's past your dinner time, Dennis. Have you solved the case yet?

I've entirely assimilated with Spanish culture, Maria.

I don't have my tea until at least 6:30.

Well, I think you can probably relax. We matched the shoe print.

Really? They've matched the shoe print!

Mierda, who to? - Who to?

Leona.

Leona! - No way!

That's an interesting development.

We're trying to bring her in for questioning, but we can't locate her.

Any idea where she might be?

Absolutely no idea, no.

OK.

If you see her, call straight away.

Totally, yeah, I'll definitely do that.

You look like you could use another drink.

So you leave the bar and you go to the villa?

Yeah. I knocked on the door,

and when no one answered, I tried the handle and it was open.

And when was this?

Um, it was about half one. - Why did you go there?

I was angry.

I wanted to tell her I'd had enough.

Megan was always doing stuff like this, making everything about her.

Every wedding, every birthday!

She came to my uncle Martin's funeral in a wheelchair

because she had shin splints, OK?!

I just wanted this weekend to be about me!

That was my hat!

She gave me that hat.

What did you do when you got to the villa?

Went in. The door wasn't locked.

There was music playing.

I heard a smash. I called out, but when no one answered,

I went further in, and that's when I saw her on the sofa.

She was already dead? - Yeah!

And then I just lost my head, like I was screaming.

And then I saw someone, like a person flash past the window,

and then I just legged it straight back to the hotel.

You find your friend dead and you don't call anyone?

Mam said not to trust the police.

She said they'd blame me. - They will blame you!

Mam!

What are you doing, Leona?

What did I say?

You won't last five minutes in jail.

The Wi-Fi's awful! - Yeah, well, that's where I'm going.

Some fella from the Guards took my shoes earlier, they know something.

I thought you were some sort of a special investigator.

Tell me you've got something!

Tell me you're not gonna let my baby girl take the blame for this!

At least you tried.

You're just a waste of skin!

Does this feel right to you? - She lied.

Her prints are at the scene.

Thanks anyway. You were right about it being one of the hens.

Megan was always doing this, making everything about her.

I need to go back to the villa. - Why?

What does a hen party mean to you?

Like, women shouting really loud or crying.

And things like this? Hen-dos are all about this.

Let me show you something.

Hen parties are meant to be all about fun, right?

But this place doesn't say fun, this place is romantic.

Heart-shaped balloons, champagne glasses, not a penis in sight.

Megan made out she'd hired this place as some grand gesture for a friend.

But I think Leona was right all along.

This was just another way for Megan to make this weekend all about her.

Some people might look at this villa and think, 'Wow!'

But you were right, Leona.

Megan planned to use this place as a setting to steal your thunder,

like she had done so many times in the past, but this time,

with a proposal.

Are you saying she wanted one of us to propose to her?

No, Chloe, that... that would be ridiculous!

Paul was going to do the proposing.

I... I wasn't even here!

Actually, Paul, I think you were.

The night Megan died, you were waiting for her up in this villa.

Waiting for Megan to come back with the girls.

They would come in to find you holding the balloon,

which you would pop, pick up the ring, and get down on one knee.

Then there would be this beautiful moment that was all about Megan.

This has made the whole weekend magical.

Ahhhhh!

Ohhhhh!

But the girls refuse to come back with her, ruining her special moment.

It's off. We're not doing it!

I'm betting a rock like that must've set you back a chunk of change.

So when she called it off...

that must have been upsetting for you.

Wha-- Why can't we just get engaged anyway? For us?!

Ha!

For us. What's the point?!

You'd done so much for Megan.

You'd left Chloe for her, you'd lost a few stone.

And then she calls the whole thing off just because you don't have an audience?

Your man Jesús there picked me up from the airport.

But that doesn't mean that's when you landed.

You got a phone call telling you your girlfriend's dead,

you rushed to get the first flight to Spain,

but not before... you pack a massive bag?

Full of stuff for the beach. - Tell me, Paul,

how much swimming were you planning on doing on this trip?

I spoke to the airline.

We know you were on a plane 24 hours before Jesús picked you up at the airport.

I just snapped. I wasn't thinking!

You were thinking enough to delete all the messages

from Megan's phone that would've told us you were already here.

Before you skipped out the patio doors when Leona arrived,

breaking the ornament. That was the smash you heard.

And you were thinking enough to come back later,

pack your bag, and call a cab to take you to the airport and wait for a call.

Oh God, I, I just don't believe it!

OK, uh, I'll get on the first flight I can.

I'm not a bad guy. I'm--

I'm the victim here. She bullied me!

She bullied me too!

That doesn't give you the right to kill her, you stupid prick!

- Oh! - Stop.

Stop, stop!

There's a special place in hell for you, Paul Murphy.

You're a piece of shite!

I hope the judge goes down on you like a tonne of bricks.

Comes down on you, Cora. Jesus!

Ah.

You're a good man.

Thanks.

Mind the tat. - Oh!

Sorry, sorry.

Nice work.

How are you? - Starving.

I haven't had my tea yet.

That was your cue to buy me dinner.

Dennis... you have a tiny penis.

They should lock him up and throw away the key!

Ah, there you are.

Darling, I'm so sorry.

Let's get you home!

I miss my friends.

Invite them out. - No.

I told everyone I have this great acting job.

But you do. You're playing the part of a loyal sidekick to a genius detective.

Dennis, please, I work in a pub.

Well, that's not true either.

You don't just work in a pub.

You're the manager of a pub.

Seriously?

If it's what it takes to keep the place open!

I mean, obviously you're manager in name only.

You have no actual authority.

Shut up or I'll fire you.

Dennis, what do you think about us serving smoothies?

No.

Let's hear it for our bingo queen!

Bingo can be brutal.

No one's gonna mess with the bingo queen.

I keep my friends close, but my enemies closer.

I need your help. They're gonna kill me.

Where shall we start? - I think we should start with them.

Who are you? - Police.

If I were police, I'd look into the Italians.

Valentina de Rossi. - Dennis, you must come.

It's the ticket that wins, not the player.

You broke the golden rule. Always pay for your own ticket.