Original subtitles

Wait, wait, wait.

Yo, Rigby.

What does this remind you of?

What?

Your seventh grade science project on which pizza box makes the best pillow.

What?

Dude, I made groundbreaking discoveries with that project.

Come on, Rigby.

We've all done embarrassing stuff.

You know, when I was a kid, I used to peel the

pepperoni off of pizza and eat it separately.

Jeez.

Okay.

That's not really that embarrassing, Margaret.

I mean, if you want embarrassing, there's this manifesto I wrote in sixth grade.

Wait, I think I still have it.

Here it is!

The Eileen Plan.

Oh, wow.

I, Eileen Roberts, do hereby swear to accomplish the following

by the end of my first quarter century on planet Earth.

1.

Lower age of presidential eligibility to 25.

2.

Achieve presidency.

Tell me, how's it coming with those?

Hey, I've still got time.

Yeah, you can totally do that stuff by the time you're 44.

What?

No, a quarter century is 25 years.

Yeah, I knew that.

Number three.

Marry someone brilliant.

Preferably with several pants under his belt.

Patents.

Oh, patents.

But just super smart is okay, too?

Oh, man.

I don't even know anyone like that.

Much less am I married to him.

Yeah, pretty funny.

Number four.

Eliminate allergic responses to peanuts.

Hey, Mordecai?

Hey, Mordecai?

Hey, Mordecai?

Uh, what?

Do you think I'm dumb?

Yes.

Okay, yeah.

I thought so.

I was just checking.

No, you're not dumb.

I was just kidding.

You're smart?

In your own way?

Dude, where's this coming from?

You've always been cool with being dumb.

It's just...

The Eileen plan.

Even if I was smart in my own way, which I'm not, I'm still not brilliant.

I have zero patents or pants.

You're overreacting, man.

Eileen doesn't care about that stuff anymore.

But she doesn't know I didn't graduate from high school.

If I'm ever going to be the brilliant guy of her dreams, that's the least I can do.

So let me get this straight.

You, an adult, want to enroll at this school so you can

get your diploma, because you're currently too dumb.

Pretty much, yeah.

Not a chance, Rigby.

You put me through enough grief the first time you went here.

Aw, come on, Principal Dean.

I know I screwed up in high school, but I swear I've changed.

Uh, fine.

I shouldn't do this, but...

You still need three classes to graduate.

A science, a phys ed, and a language.

Choose one to start, and I suggest you be realistic.

I will.

Thanks, Principal Dean.

You won't regret this.

So what do you think?

Hmm.

Oh, dude.

Perfect.

Intro to geology, remember?

Not really.

Rocks for jocks.

No one ever fails.

Oh, yeah.

All the athletes took it because it was basically a free pass.

Piece of cake.

I'll do it.

You're not worried about hanging out with jocks all semester?

Nah.

I'm gonna rule that place like a king.

Settle down, class.

We've got a returning student with us today.

Rigby, would you like to come to the front and introduce yourself?

Hey, dudes.

Let me rap to you about...

Sup?

I'm Rigby, but my friends call me Rigbone.

You guys have actually probably heard of me.

I used to go to this school.

Oh, yeah.

My older brother stepped on your neck in gym class.

Didn't you flunk out?

N-No.

Yeah, right.

Whatever.

I only came back here to prove something to my girlfriend anyway.

Oh, cool.

Is she a hundred-year-old dropout, too?

No.

She's super cool and, like, a genius.

You're old.

Aiden!

Brayden!

Jaden!

Behave yourself, or you won't pass this class.

Mrs. Kessler, nobody's ever failed your class.

That's true.

Okay, so from last week, who knows what this is called?

And remember, we ruled out Rock Hole.

Wow.

You never studied this hard when you were actually in high school.

Failure's not an option, dude.

If Eileen wants someone brilliant, she's gonna get someone brilliant.

Shhh.

Hey, Eileen.

Ooh.

That was tonight?

Ah, sorry.

I can't.

Uh, because... Mordecai got dumped again.

That guy, right?

Dude, what the... Shhh.

Yeah, it's real touch-and-go right now.

He needs my support.

We're still on for Friday, though.

The big dance thing we planned for months.

Gotta go see ya.

Ugh.

That's the third thing I've had to turn down this week.

Dude, just tell her the truth.

Not until I'm brilliant.

You hear that?

I heard it, Mrs. K.

I'm sure everyone did, but thanks for responding, Rigby.

Well, anyway, the hollow sound is how you can tell if a rock is a geode.

Look at that.

Gorgeous.

We'll see plenty of these on our field trip Friday night.

Um... Excuse me.

What field trip?

The spelunking field trip.

The second requirement for this class.

Um... What's the first?

The big test that everyone passes.

So basically, all you have to do is show up for the field trip and you'll pass.

But I have a big date with my girlfriend that night!

I'm just saying.

If you wanna pass, you gotta show up to the cave.

Hello.

Hey, Rigby.

You ready for our date tonight?

The Modern Dance USA troupe only comes through town once a year.

And this year, they're letting the audience participate.

Ah, this is so...

Are you okay?

I'm not feeling so hot, Eileen.

I can bring you some lozenges.

Nah, I don't eat shellfish.

I'm sorry.

I think I better stay in tonight.

Take care of the old rig bod.

Can we reschedule for tomorrow?

Well, the dance troupe is only here one night.

But... Yeah.

Of course.

Get some rest.

Thanks.

I will.

See you tomorrow.

You sure you can handle this, old man Rigby?

Yeah.

It's pretty dark in there.

I'll be fine.

I'm friends with the caveman.

Greg?

Oh, okay.

Greg the caveman.

Live Rigby alone.

He's just trying to get an education.

Let's try to stay focused, huh?

It's easy to fall down a cave hole, but harder to come out.

Getting stuck in the cave wouldn't prevent you from

passing the class, but could prevent you from being alive.

Anyway, follow me.

Oh, hey, Eileen.

Rigby's not back from his field trip today.

He's not homesick?

No, I think the class...

The class of illness he has involves an addiction to caves?

So, he's at a cave now.

I see.

You're not buying this, are you?

No.

Then can I have the soup?

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

That was 150,000 years old!

Cool.

Swords, swords, swords, swords!

Pssh.

Go back to playing with your stalactites, you dumb jocks.

You, like, remind me of my dad.

He's funny and old.

Oh, yeah, he's so old, but he's so funny.

Eileen?

Rigby!

How'd the old man land such a mega-babe?

Well, no.

You know, I don't like being lied to by my boyfriend.

I missed the dance show to bring you soup!

Eileen!

Wait!

Ugh!

Not so fast, Rigby.

But I have to get my girlfriend!

Just saying.

If you want to pass this class... Passing doesn't matter if I don't have Eileen!

Okay.

Hold up!

Eileen!

Come out and talk to me!

Go away, Rigby!

Lying to me for weeks so you can sit around in a cave with high school kids?

You might as well just leave me here to...

Eileen!

Eileen, are you okay?

Did you fall down the rock hole?

I'm okay.

But it's pitch black down here.

I don't know how to get out.

I'm coming down!

Actually, it'd be better if you went to get help.

Eileen, I can explain.

I was going to the hospital, but I got lost.

Rigby, I know you're not sick.

Just tell me the truth.

Okay.

I'm not just hanging out in a cave with teens for fun.

I...

I never graduated from high school.

Really?

This whole cave thing is just for school credit so I can graduate and get my diploma.

I never cared until I saw the Eileen plan.

But now all I can think about is how you're going to be the president.

And I'm just going to be some jerk you used to date.

But I don't need a genius.

I like you.

Just the way you are.

Yeah?

Yeah.

What are we going to do?

It's way too dark to find a way out.

Hmm.

I've got an idea.

No.

Rigby, are you digging?

Sounds like you're digging.

You know, caves are already underground, right?

Aha!

Here.

It's pointy.

What is it?

It's quartz.

Now I just need... Ow!

Pitlandite!

Ha!

It worked!

Still not enough light.

What now?

Shh.

Listen.

It's hollow.

Aha.

And check this out.

Ooh.

Purple geode with Jasper banding.

Classy.

Thanks.

Now if I... Here we go.

Yes.

Wow.

It's... Gorgeous.

Rigby, look!

Rigby, that was pretty amazing.

Yeah.

I like this feeling.

You know, even if I might never be brilliant, I still want to get my diploma.

For you... And for me.

I respect that.

Um... Hey, Eileen.

Yeah?

Can I try something when we're walking out?

Mmm... Okay.

Well, they're dead for sure.

Oh, the principal's gonna have my head for this.

Look!

Yeah!

I love it!

Are they dead?

Are they dead?

I know everyone passes this class, but Rigby just aced it.

I get to carry you next time.

Deal.