Original subtitles

You guys haven't seen blarg.avi yet?

We're watching it.

Go!

Blarg!

Nailed ya!

We were using the computer for business purposes.

You don't think I know about funny video Fridays, but I know.

Oh, you're gonna get such a write-up.

Quick, put something on business and a like.

Wha?

Haha, it's a cat video, Benson.

Cat... video?

Here's another one.

Whoa!

When did they start making these?

A long time ago, Benson.

There's millions of them.

People just put up videos of their cats?

On the Internet?

That's right, man.

So just sit down for an hour or two and catch up.

I...love...cats.

So all I do is click on these cats?

Yup.

Focus on the cats.

And not on the write-ups.

Right...what?

Exactly.

Oh...

Sorry, sorry.

I know I'm late to the morning meeting.

Don't sweat it.

Benson isn't even here yet.

That's weird.

Yeah.

He's never late.

Did you stay up all night watching cat videos?

Sure did.

Did you know there are Internet cat celebrities?

There's Fat Cat, Rat-a-tat-cat, and Mari.

The Japanese cat that likes boxes.

But my personal fave is curmudgeon cat.

Ah, piece of junk.

I've gotta get a new phone.

Uh... Uh, Benson?

We need our assignments.

Alright.

Pops, you're in charge for the day.

I'm assigning you all old-timey dances.

This is bad.

And Mordecai and Rigby are responsible.

What are you talking about?

You got Benson into cat videos.

You get them out.

Those are the rules.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's just wait until Benson snaps out of it.

My legs feel like wet noodles.

We better go check up on him.

Come on, curmudgeon cat.

Eat your food.

Hey, that's my f...

McFluffin, I'm trying to watch a video about cats.

Hey, I wasn't done with that.

Hey!

Ah!

Ah!

Now, where were we?

Meow, meow, meow!

Aw, who thinks he's people?

Have you ever dreamed of meeting curmudgeon cat?

Hi, I'm Cat Masterson.

Auteur director and visionary behind such classic cat videos as...

I hate weekdays, curmudgeon capers, and kitty kitty bang bang.

Well, if you feline meeting curmudgeon cat in person, then come on down to Masterson

Studios to attend a live taping of his next video!

You here for the live taping?

Yes, I am, Mr. Masterson.

I'm a big fan.

Big, big, big, big, big, really big fan.

Haha, I like your manic sweaty energy.

Right this way.

Now, first, we gotta get you suited up and, uh, in your viewing suit.

What's this?

Standard industry practice.

Okay...

Ooh, that's good.

Nice snug fit.

Now, let's get this show on the road.

You know, I gotta ask.

In ball of yawn, at 2 minutes 38 seconds, curmudgeon...

Wait, why is it all dark in there?

Standard industry practice!

Uh, where's curmudgeon cat?

Huh?

Go ahead, little Benny.

Play with your toy.

I... I don't think I'm comfortable with this.

Ugh, do we have a diva on our hands here?

I think we have a diva.

Eh?

Bat the mouse!

Eh?

Bat the mouse!

Yes, yes... Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Benson!

Hey, man!

We got wings!

This isn't good.

Then come on down!

Let's go.

Hey, we're looking for our friend Benson.

Sweaty guy.

Looks like he hasn't slept in a few days.

One moment.

Security!

Ah!

Wakey wakey.

Huh?

Where are we?

Dude, are we in a ping pong factory?

Welcome to my studio!

What'd you do with Benson?

Benson?

I made him a star.

You see, for years I tried using real cats in my

videos, but they always fell short of my vision.

I mean, have you ever tried to direct a cat?

It almost made me lose my mind!

So instead, I built this highly advanced visual

effects studio that allows actors to play the cats.

So curmudgeon cat's some guy in a suit?

Precisely!

Here's the real curmudgeon cat, a.k.a.

Randall Tate.

Ew.

Unfortunately, he died while filming his latest video, Trapeze Kitty.

They say cats always land on their feet.

But overweight middle-aged men, not so much.

So now I need to find some new stars, and, uh, I like your luck.

No way, Masterson!

We're not gonna be motion capture puppets!

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

This isn't mo-cap!

This is mo-cat!

Damn!

Huh?

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to the newest Internet cat, Sensations!

Stretch!

And, uh, Runty!

Hey!

And roll camera!

Stretch and Runty, take one!

And action!

We're not gonna act like cats!

Ah, not even a little?

Show us where Benson is!

Pfft, fine.

He he he he, you don't wanna act like cats!

Then why are you being so adorable?

Stop playing games, Masterson!

But this is such great footage!

Oh, look at that!

Who-who left these drapes in here?

I guess you're just gonna have to climb them.

Seriously?

Hmm.

You kitties getting sweaty?

Heh heh.

Looks like it's bath time!

Ahhhh!

Quick!

The door!

Why are you resisting?

Listen, you guys should just play with some yarn for a while.

You know what?

Fine.

Go through that door!

You might not like what you find.

Dude!

Where are we?

I think it's a laundry room.

Ahhhh!

Cuteness!

Cuteness has a face.

Benson?

But you must make a friend of cuteness.

Cuteness and horror are your friends.

He's gone crazy!

Benson!

My name is Lil' Benny now!

Stop it!

We're here to rescue you!

Dude, he's out of it!

Ha ha ha ha!

Stretch and run team!

Why don't you join Lil' Benny?

You'll get full veterinary and dental!

Dude, you're sick!

Let's get you out of here, Benson!

We're coming to get you, Masterson!

They're headed for the control room.

Should we cut?

No, no, no, no.

Keep rolling.

Cue the pointer.

Cueing pointer!

Oh!

It's the laser pointer!

Hey!

Where are we going?

We're supposed to play with the laser!

Is Mr. Masterson trying to hurt us with the laser?

Yes, Benson.

Yes, he is.

I remember!

My name is Benson!

And you guys are Mordecai and Rigby!

You guys look adorable!

How do we get out of here?

Look!

The control room!

Cue the Act 3 antagonists.

Cueing antagonists!

I'd like to introduce you kitties to some of my favorite scenarios.

Stuart 2.0.

A toddler with no boundaries and sticky fingers.

Lucy, a Shiba that's always getting, you know, trouble.

And the vacuum cleaner.

And... action!

I'm the feline Fellini, baby!

Scatter!

I'm the tabby Tarantino!

Come on!

On the count of three.

One... I am, uh, two... Uh, Siam?

Not now!

I'm on the, uh... Three!

I am... the kitty!

Cubelis!

Oh, this is great!

You gotta get this on tape!

The climax of my Magnum opus!

I'm pretty sure they wanna beat you up, Siam.

No!

See?

That's real!

I-I-I want you to capture it!

Okay!

You!

Get over there!

Get-get the lines!

I-and I'll... I'll get the POV.

Okay... Okay, tr-truck in... And... Action!

File up on me!

Ha-ha-ha!

Adorable!

Aw... I mean, you're really getting hurt, but...

Aw...

Dramatic music swells and... Oof!

Music... Swells higher.

Upshot...

Protagonists in... Special lighting illuminates their... Perplexed faces...

Twist...

Ending... Cut to black!

That's a wrap, people.

Ah, that twist came out of nowhere!

He didn't set that up at all!

I'll call Animal Control.

There he is!

Okay, cancel my five o'clock.

See if I can get the equipment in the slammer.

Benson!

Bubbler!

Call me!

Look, Benson.

Sorry for, like... Getting you addicted to cat videos.

We're cool now, right?

You two are lucky I didn't suffer any permanent psychological damage!

Let's go.

Shotgun!

Don't run!

Hold up, guys!

Hold up!

Hold up, now.