Original subtitles

[drumroll]

[opening theme music]

[dog barking]

[gasps] Ohh.

Ohh-ohh!

[tires squealing]

[laughs]

[giggles]

[dog barking]

[both giggling]

[frog ribbits]

[dog barking]

[laughs]

[tires squealing]

[laughter]

[dog barking]

[dog growling]

[gasps]

[laughs]

[upbeat electronic music]

[laughter]

Who wants a treat?

Lemons for everyone.

- [babbling] - How do you eat these?

Aunt Betty, look at the twins.

Yep, they love everything sour.

But you don't like anything sour.

Wait, did they get that from their, you know...

Donor? Bingo.

They've got his smile, too, and the goofy face he used

to make when he was bowling.

Wait, you knew him?

Yeah, Didi and I were friends with Howard in college.

Great guy. He'll be around this weekend

for a termite conference.

Huh?

Oh, he's an entomologist.

That means he studies insects.

That must be why the twins love bugs so much.

I can't believe Phil and Lil are going to meet their donor...

I mean, their Howard for the first time.

Oops.

- [all groaning] - Hey!

Well, now that I have your attention,

I've got an announcement for Phil and Lil.

You got a Howard.

He's coming here to meet some termites,

but he might see you, too.

What's a Howard?

Someone who gives you stuff.

He's bringing presents?

Not that kind of giving.

Let me explain it another way.

You two don't have a daddy, right?

We don't have a doggy either.

You can't have everything.

Well, it's cause you got a Howard instead.

And he's why you like yucky lemons and icky bugs.

Oh, and he lives way far away.

But you're gonna meet him this weekend.

Bye-bye.

Thanks for taking the pups, guys.

I'm so glad all the kids are going to see

their first meteor shower together.

You remembered to pack a sweater, right?

It gets cold at night in the desert.

And hot in the day.

You brought extra water bottles?

You mean a thirst-aid kit?

- [chuckles] - Never gets old.

But seriously, did someone pack a first aid kit?

Hey, don't worry.

If we've forgotten anything at all,

I'm sure we can borrow it from Chas.

Oh!

I wonder if Stu rented

a big enough van for all of this?

[horn honks]

All aboard, boys!

[hawk screeches]

[upbeat music]

So this is camping.

I like it.

Oh, we're not there yet, Darsh.

I heard our daddies say we're going

to the dessert, a whole land of nanner pudding.

I think they said the desert.

My daddy told me it's all sand and has pointy plants.

A giant sandbox, my kind of place.

Nothing wrong with pointy plants.

Wait, you two, according to Angelica,

your Howard likes the same stuffs you do.

So I bet you're gonna meet him in the desert.

Hey, how are we gonna know our Howard?

Oh, that's easy, Phil.

He'll probably act just like you.

[toy squeaks]

[car horn honks]

Copilot Chas to Captain Stu,

initiating equipment check,

How about I start with this button?

- Don't touch that! - Ah-ah!

Just kidding. It's the radio.

[upbeat music playing]

Oh, whoa, look at that. How about this one?

Hey, hey, look at that.

Whoa!

[laughs]

Hey!

Chas, I thought you knew what you were doing here.

Sorry. I do.

I do. I just need to push this.

Oh-ho! How you doing?

[rooster crowing]

[babbling]

Who woulda thought a gas station and a petting zoo

makes such a natural combination?

I... I know.

[sneezes]

Oh-oh, my allergies.

[sneezes]

Hey, hey, kids, I've got something here

I think you'll like.

Who's ready to meet a snake?

[both babbling]

Okay, now, who wants to see the chickens?

- [clucking] - Ah!

I'm going to not.

Me and chickens got a bad history.

Well, he's just like Drooly Snake, only he moves faster.

Phillip, that man showed us the snake,

and Chuckie was standing right there.

Maybe he did that because he's our Howard.

Or I look like the kind of kid

you don't introduce to snakes?

Only one way to find out.

Taste test.

Green apple fruit roll, extra sour.

[chicken clucks]

[grunts]

Okay, okay, my turn.

[grunts]

[grunts]

[gags]

How could he not like a sour fruit roll sandwich?

I know.

He can't be our Howard.

[Randy] Of course, we're going to the desert

to get a good look at the Perseid meteor shower.

But as you can see, the campground I've selected

just happens to border this restricted access area.

Isn't that Area 54?

You've heard of it, too?

The most exclusive secret military installation

in the country, open to government VIPs only?

Of course, I have! Are you thinking...

That we might glimpse something more than a meteor

this weekend?

Oh, yeah.

So the snake man wasn't your Howard.

He's still out there somewheres.

We've been driving a long time,

so we got to find him soon.

Darsh is right.

I bet any minute now we're going to stop.

I don't know.

Grownups love to drive.

[Stu] Guys, we have got to stop.

Can you believe our kids get to see

the world's largest ball of gum?

$0.25 a pack.

Chew your own stick, and you can add it to the ball.

Well, that's uniquely disgusting,

but oddly thrilling.

I'll take four packs.

Another buck to see it, but it's free for the kids.

Do you see what flavor he's chewing, Lil?

[gasps] Lemon!

Could he be our...

Time for the nextest test.

Oh! Ah!

Gross!

[both groaning]

[all gasp]

It's magnificent.

Not him?

[both] Mm-mm.

I bet our Howard carries all kinds

of bugs in his grownup pants.

I know what might cheer you up.

Let's go look at already chewed gum.

Yeah, been working on it most of my life.

It's a calling and a career.

Wait, what's happening?

This is more harder than I thought.

Ow!

[screams]

Oh! My life's work.

[dramatic music]

Whoa, Hank, watch the road!

Wh... wh... Is that a ball of gum?

[screams]

I'm gonna miss you, Beans!

[grunts]

Phew, oh, my.

Whoops.

[man] There, fresh start.

[upbeat music]

Boy, it feels good to get away.

Huh, view leaves something to be desired.

Oh, that fence, yeah, I just noticed that myself.

Might be because Area 54 is around here somewhere.

Area 54, where they're supposed

to have captured space aliens?

[both] Allegedly.

No tent for me, Stu, I'm going

- to sleep in the motorhome. - How come?

Sleeping under the stars, that's half the fun.

You're the one who rented this thing.

It has a shower.

We aren't barbarians.

I have a really intricate bedtime routine...

dental care, skin hygiene.

It's best performed indoors.

Sure. But afterwards, you could...

It's the desert tortoise, okay?

They terrify me.

He's got a point.

Those jaws are like trash compactors.

True. But there are

so many scarier things out here... scorpions,

tarantulas, rattlesnakes.

Well, thank you for that reminder.

I'm officially spending the rest of this trip

inside the motorhome.

I'm gonna appreciate nature my own way.

Does this espresso machine take pods?

Yep, my daddy was right, all sands and pointy plants.

And space "aliums."

Does his helmet come off?

Um, I think it's glued to his neck.

Darsh, that's it!

That's why we're here!

'Cause our heads are glued to our necks?

No. Space "aliums," your daddy and my daddy

are looking for them on account of... you know.

[Chuckie] Phil, Lil?

Do you think your Howard might be an "alium"?

[both gasp]

- Of course. - It all makes sense.

Gentlemen, I have a confession to make.

An indoor toilet isn't the only reason I rented this motorhome.

Who says you can't have it all?

We have a TV?

Dibs on the folding chair with a cup holder.

Final Eclipse marathon

with a never before seen blooper reel.

- Oh yeah! - [laughter]

- Whoo! - Yeah!

A "alium" Howard explains so much.

Yeah!

Like why I love the color green and things that fly.

Or why I'm never scared of the dark or why I can shoot

laser beams out of my mouth.

I do it when no one's looking.

My daddy says "aliums"

can look like lizards or "octopieces"

or even peoples you know, like us.

[all gasp]

[Randy] You two enjoy the movie.

Varun and I will go stretch our legs.

- We'll take the kids. - Thanks.

Have fun.

Plausible cover.

If anyone asks, we can say we're showing

them the desert sunset.

This must be where "aliums" stay when they come to Earth.

These signs don't fool me.

They're practically advertising,

"Look here for aliens!"

Psst.

Varun, check it out!

- [eerie music] - [metallic screeching]

That government official is transporting an alien.

- Right. - [metallic screeching]

You can hear it trying to communicate.

I've got to get a picture.

[grunts]

[shutter clicking]

Hey, whoa!

Whoa!

[alarm blaring]

[radio chatter]

Agh!

- Cover blown. - Don't worry.

I'll get proof there's something going on.

[voice] Do not take selfies with the drones.

Repeat, do not take selfies with the drones.

[radio chatter]

We may have overstayed our welcome.

Just taking a walk with our young children here.

We'll be on our way.

[metallic screeching]

Really got to grease those wheels.

[both sigh]

[on TV] Lord Crater, it is with sorrow

that I say I have come to escort you off this ship

and thus relieve you of your command.

[phone ringing]

[laughter]

Douglas, every time...

Airplane Mode during filming.

Come on!

[laughter]

You missed some hilarious bloopers.

Just the old bucket and mop.

I'm starting to think we're never gonna

find our "alium" Howard.

I just remembered.

I got this top-secret map from the gumball place.

Maybe he hasn't even come to Earth yet.

He's probably gonna land around here

in one of these spaceships.

Yeah, when it's nice and dark.

I bet he wants to meet Phil and Lil as much as they want

to meet him, right, everyone?

[all] Yeah.

And there's the Big Sipper next to the Little Sipper.

I learned all about stargazing from my papa.

There's Perseus and Cassiopeia.

Could you speak up, please?

Chas, get out here.

You're not gonna see any stars in there.

Oh, yeah?

Well, it's called a moon roof for a reason, Stu.

Besides, the tortoise hunts at night.

For plants, Chas.

They're herbivores.

Oh-ho, it's happening, incoming meteor shower.

Oh! Ah!

- Wow! - Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.

[soft music]

Ah.

There's his spaceship.

[electronic thrum]

[all gasp]

Hold on, this could be any "alium."

How will you know this is your Howard?

[both] We'll know.

Uh, do I have to come?

I like being on the ground.

Whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

No matter what happens, this has been

the best camping trip ever!

[all gasping]

Wow.

We did it.

Oh.

We're finally here.

[heavy footsteps]

What?!

[roars]

[groaning and whimpering]

Ahem, ahem, ahem.

Sorry.

I had something in my throat.

Um, we like monster books, too.

Except for the words.

You must be Phil and Lil.

I've come a long way to meet you.

And you brought your friends.

Oh, yeah, that's Tommy, Susie, Chuckie, and Darsh.

- Hi, I'm Darsh. - Hello, Captain "Alium."

Hello.

Chuckie's a'scared, but I'm not.

I got lots of questions.

Excellent.

Just doing some system checks, but I am all ears.

That's just a figure of speech.

I don't really have ears, actually.

Me first. Do you like to walk like a duck?

Uh, every chance I get.

Guess my favorite button.

This one, a'cause it's green.

Are there worms on your planet?

Do you like to get up early, like I do?

Do you have a robot cat?

Phillip, I wasn't finished.

Can you put more than one blueberry in your mouth

at a time, like I do?

I will happily answer all of your questions.

But first, why don't you tell me about you?

Okay. We have a snake we call Drooly Snake.

It's a toy.

And a mommy we call Mommy. She's real.

She makes us yummy goatmeal in the morning,

and she knows we like our nanners cut in circles.

And our Tia Esperanza makes us tostones.

And our Cousin Gabi draws us pictures of monsters.

And the Trish sings to us.

And our friends here are the ones we play with

and we go on adventures with.

And they cheer us up when we fall down.

Wow, that sounds like a really nice life.

Oh, yeah, except for Lillian, hogs the blankie at bedtime.

Oh, I do not hog the blankie.

You do, Phillip.

[grunting]

Oh!

[yells]

Don't worry!

That button just turns on the hot chocolate dispenser,

also the autopilot, which sends the ship straight

back to my home planet!

[both] Yay!

- Wait a minute. - Yes?

I got stuffs to do.

This isn't such a good idea.

[engine roaring]

[babbling]

Is that the kids?

Lil, I've been thinking.

Our trip to outer space sounds nice, but we can't leave Mommy!

What if she misses us?

[clears throat] We don't have to go.

I do have this emergency button that turns the ship

around to take you home.

[fart noise]

Oh, wrong one.

[giggles]

Here we go.

[upbeat music]

[laughter]

Bye-bye, "Alium" Howard.

See you next time.

You two have a very lucky mommy.

[laughter]

[Chas] Kids!

What are you doing way out...

Agh, the desert tortoise!

So, did you two see anything extra, as in extraterrestrial?

- [laughs] - Good one.

Couldn't say.

Not entirely sure.

- Aw, babe. - Next time.

I faced my fears.

That is the main thing.

He sure did. And you know, Deed,

being out under the stars,

I think I fully appreciated the Final Eclipse movies

for the first time.

Nature is such a wonder.

Are you two sorry you didn't go

to your "Alium" Howard's planet?

Nah, we got Mommy, Copy, and the Trish,

and Tia right here at home.

But it's nice to know he's out there somewhere.

And now he knows who we are.

Hello.

You two haven't changed a bit.

Howard!

Oh, it's so good to see you.

Betty, I brought a treat for the kids.

I hope that's all right.

Of course.

They'll love it.

I'd know them anywhere.

They're beautiful, Betty.

I know, right? Someday, when they're old enough,

I'm gonna tell them all about you.

Hey, what'd you bring?

Lemon-filled donuts.

Oh, I forgot. You don't like lemons.

Well, Howard, they do.

Come say hi to everyone.

Oh-ho.

[laughter]

See you next time.

Huh, isn't it funny

how your mama's friend is named Howard, too?

- [both] Nah. - He seems nice.

He "broughted" donuts, so he's all right by me.

[closing theme music]

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