Original subtitles

Hey.

Today's the, uh, big day.

You ready to, uh, make a baby?

Ready.

Please...

be gentle.

Honey, come on. We're gonna be late.

Hmm, uh...

I think she's confused

as to how we're gonna make this baby happen.

Oh. And were you planning on setting her straight?

Next thing out of my mouth.

I still can't believe it.

I mean, why would Xiao-Mei just offer herself up to me like that?

Well, honey, she's a virgin.

Who knows why virgins do anything?

She's a virgin?

Are you serious?

Yeah. I wouldn't just slam her for no reason.

Mr. Solis?

It's time to collect your DNA.

Oh! Okay, honey, only good swimmers now.

If you like,

we have a variety of magazines and videos available.

Mm... I think I'm good.

well, i just ran her blood work.

It looks like the insemination was successful.

Oh!

Oh, my god. We're gonna have a baby!

Now, you should know,

since she's experiencing early symptoms,

thisight be a tough pregnancy for her.

Not a problem. We are gonna treat her like a queen!

Absolutely. You have nothing to worry about here.

(Squeals)

oh, mrs. Solis, you smell.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Sorry.

(Carlos laughing)

What's going on?

Xiao-mei is feeling under the weather,

so i took up the vacuuming.

Oh, well, i'm sorry to hear that.

So, uh, did you move my beauty products?

They're not in the bathroom.

Why in the hell?

I forgot to tell you. Uh, you can't use that stuff anymore.

It really triggers xiao-mei's morning sickness.

All of it? Even my hair pomade?

Gives me stomachache. Yeah, well, it gives me volume,

so i guess we're both gonna have a problem.

Do you have to be so high-maintenance?

You're not a model, carlos. Maintenance is my only skill.

Please, no fht.

If mrs. Solis smell bad, i be okay.

(Sighs) fine. I'll learn to live without product.

But when my hair starts smelling like hair,

i don't wanna hear a word.

Xiao-mei, what are you doing in our bed?

I said she could sleep in there from now on.

It's got the bathroom, you know, in case

she gets sick in the middle of the night.

Well, what's wrong with the guest bathroom? It's too far away.

It's right down the hall. Gaby, she needs her rest.

And besides, that bed

is much more comfortable than the one in the guest room.

Yeah, i know.

That's why i had the movers put it in here, where we sleep.

Maybe i go to my bed.

Yes, xiao-mei, that would be good.

Uh-oh.

Fine. You can use our toilet.

(Groaning) ow! Stop kicking me.

I'm just trying to get comfortable.

Yeah, in a twin? Good luck.

God, i want my bed back.

We'll go buy a nice big one tomorrow

and put it in here, okay? That is not the point. We are a week into this pregnancy,

and you're already putting xiao-mei's needs before mine.

Well, she's the priority now. She's the mother of my child.

Like hell she is. That is my egg.

You know what i mean. She's the...

Oven, carlos. The oven.

A well-cared-for, well-paid oven.

It came out wrong. I'm sorry, okay?

Now can we just get some sleep?

Ohh! Babe, i'm sorry.

I swear. I swear i didn't mean to.

My leg just cramped up.

Where are you going? That's my pillow!

Good night.

(Gravel hitting window)

(whispering loudly) matthew!

nine months of long nigh on the couch

loomed before Gabrielle...

and she had decided she would not take it lying down.

so she dipped into her supply of forbidden perfumes...

determined that in this battle...

she would be the one to come out smelling like a rose.

i think i take nap now.

Yeah, sure, knock yourself out.

Aah! (Screams in chinese)

i hope you're happy. That poor girl can hardly even

come upstairs now because of you.

Carlos, stop with the dance. It's already in the wallpaper.

Now i swear, if anything happens to that kid because of you...

Oh, it's perfume, not toxic gas.

Why are you acting this way?

Because i see the writing on the wall,

and it scares the hell out of me.

Meaning what?

From the second xiao-mei got pregnant,

you have found a million and one ways to tell me that

that baby is more important to you than me. Oh, come on, gaby.

No! Men can't help it.

When they become fathers, they become lousy husbands,

and some wives don't mind,

but you didn't marry one of those women.

I don't think i can sleep in here tonight.

The air's just a little too toxic.

(tv playing)

she kick you out, too?

Marriage is complicated, xiao-mei.

You'll find that out someday.

You feel like watching some trashy american tv?

I make you sandwich.

Roast beef.

(Sighs) oh, man.

Gaby's got me on this health kick thing.

She'll kill me if i eat red meat.

I will not tell.

Taste good?

Real good.