Original subtitles

...french toast.

One time when I was eating

French toast at a restaurant,

I started laughing,

And then I started choking.

So the lady who ran

The restaurant made me leave.

So let's hear your horn.

Yeah, play that funky music,

White girl.

You know, I'm halalf latina.

Then hit it, moochacha.

I think it's broken.

Here, let me fix it.

It's not broken.

Beck, Beck, hey, you guys!

Leave him alone!

Oh, get off...

What are you doing?

Get off of me!

Who is this chick?!

Relax, relax, relax.

Yo, yo, come on!

What are you doing?

That guy was beating up Beck.

Oh, you poor thing.

We were practicing.

This is Russ.

I'm Russ.

He's a professional stuntman.

I invited him here

To teach the class

About stage fighting.

And now, Tori says,

"What's stage fighting?"

I wasn't gonna say that.

What is it?

Fake fighting

That looks real,

Like for a play or a movie.

I took a class

With him last summer.

Well, it looked

Like he was hurting you.

Why do you care?

'Cause I figure, he already

Suffers enough pain dating you.

You wanna see pain?

Hey, why don't we go

Sit over there?

Why does she hate me?

Maybe she heard you play

The french horn.

Now, if I throw a punch

At Cat, like this...

...it's easy to see

That my fist didn't connect

With her face.

Thank you.

But if we stage it

From a different angle, then...

Like I showed you?

Sound effect, ready?

All set.

To the audience or camera,

It'll look like this.

I'm okay, everyone.

All right, I'm gonna pair

You guys up,

And each team will work

With Russ this week

To prepare a fight scene.

I thought his name was Steve.

He does look like a Steve.

My name is Russ.

Okay, and on friday,

You will all perform

Your fight scenes here

In front of the class.

Now, the pairs will be:

Beck and Cat, Andre and Gwen,

Darren and Jess, Tori and Jade.

Tori and who?

Uh, wait,

I'm not comfortable

With my partner.

Just a sec.

Hey, partner.

I can't wait

For our fight...scene.

Gulp.

Status report!

Status report!

Will you please read

The next line?

I don't wanna help

You rehearse.

I made you oatmeal

This morning.

I wanted a steak sandwich.

Okay, auditioning next

Are Trina Vega

And robbie shapiro.

Oh, no, no, no!

The puppet guy?

Excuse me.

Could I please audition

With someone else?

You know,

You can whisper that.

It's just an audition.

But...

Leave the puppet.

Hey, it's cool.

Just set me down

Next to the hot blonde.

Wait up.

Walk faster.

I'll walk faster.

All right.

It's World War II, 1944.

You're in a submarine,

1,700 feet down

In the atlantic ocean,

And you're probably gonna die.

Action.

Oh, my God, lieutenant,

Status report.

We've been hit

On the port side, captain,

Our engines are failing.

Torpedoes?

None left.

Oye.

How deep are we?

1,700 feet.

We're gonna have

To go deeper.

But we'll,

I'm-plode!

Implode.

But we'll implode!

Listen, I'd rather die

Down here than live up there,

Captured by the enemy.

I don't know

If you are brave or insane.

Hey, stop it.

You're a soldier.

I'm also a woman

Who loves you.

That was fantastic!

Ah, that's not your line.

It's not my line.

Actually, that was great,

You guys.

Really?

'Cause if you thought

I was great with him,

Just imagine me

With a good actor.

Huh, I'll do that.

Bring in the next two.

Robbie.

Scene.

Look at her.

Who?

Jade, I guarantee you

She's telling Beck

All about how

She's gonna punch me

When we do our scene.

I wonder

If mirrors work in outer space.

I mean, what am I gonna do

If she really hits me?

Bleed, burst into tears.

I'm serious.

It's stage fighting.

No one really hits anybody.

Yeah, but accidents happen,

And what if she makes

An accident happen on purpose?

You know, the word mirror

Has only six letters

And half of them are rs?

Haven't you and Jade

Been rehearsing?

Yeah, yesterday, after school

And this morning,

During study hall.

And did she hit you for real?

No, 'cause she probably wants

To wait and do it

In front of the whole class

To humiliate me.

Well, if she does,

She loses half a letter grade.

Oh, great!

So she gets an "a minus"

And I get a broken eye

And a black nose.

I think you meant...

I know what I meant.

My dog has a black nose.

It's so cute.

It's like a baby meatball.

Meatballs are brown.

You're so mean to me!

You want half a sandwich?

Hey, baby sister.

Andy.

Andre.

Wanna sit with us?

No.

What's up, a-listers?

What's up?

No, no, man,

They're gonna take my pants!

Hey, hey, Trina!

Excuse me, move, please, go now.

Wait, wait, wait, don't...go.

I'm not with...

Why are you sitting here?

I don't know, just hanging.

I hope that was soy milk.

What's the matter with you?

If I drink regular milk,

Then the gas builds up

And up and up, and I...

Why did you kiss me?!

Oh, because we

Like each other.

We what?

The audition scene,

That kiss.

Robbie, I was playing a part.

The script said

That my character

Kisses your character.

So that's what happened.

That's all that happened.

Would you be willing

To convert to judaism?

Wow, you've got problems.

It's not a deal breaker,

But...

Rex!

All right, who took his pants?!

I'll call you.

Yes, don't.

I'm not in love

With your mother.

Don't!

And scene.

Next up, we have

Tori and Jade.

Okay, for our scene,

I'm gonna be playing an old lady

Who's walking home

From a bingo game.

And I play a brutal mugger.

Yes, a brutal mugger

Who mugs me

Without actually hurting me.

Okay, as always, be careful,

And if anything goes wrong,

Just yell the safe word,

Which is...butternut.

Okay, guys, ready?

And...

Butternut.

What.

Tori, what's the problem?

I was testing the safe word.

It works.

Okay, I'm ready.

And...action.

Oh, I certainly did

Enjoy the bingo,

Although I do miss bob hope.

Give me your money.

What?!

I ain't playing?

Give me your money

And your watch.

Oh, wouldn't you rather

Have this?

Butternut!

She's bleeding.

Cut.

Let me see, let me see.

Are you okay?

No, Tori hit me

In the face for real.

No, I didn't.

Tell that to my bloody eye.

All right,

You better sit down.

Somebody grab a chair.

Yeah quickly, get a chair.

Beck, get a chair.

Here, here, here.

Yeah, there we go.

Just sit down.

That was a breakaway chair.

Aw, butternut!

It hurts?

Why did you hit Jade

In the face with a cane?

I didn't!

Okay, I believe you.

Don't hit me.

Will you back me up here?

Okay, look, I'm sure Tori

Didn't mean to whack Jade

In the face with the cane.

Oh, why does everyone

Think I hit her?

Well, we were watching

You guys do a scene.

You hit her across the face

With your cane.

She fell down.

And now, her eye's

All bloody.

Well, that doesn't mean

I hit her?

I kinda think it does.

Jade, you know

I didn't hit you.

I swung, but I missed.

Look, Tori...

Hey, we gotta get her

To the nurse.

But I didn't hit her.

Can someone call my mom?

I'll call your mom.

She doesn't need her mom.

Don't bother her mom!

I gotta call her mom.

And I thought we were just

Starting to be friends.

But I didn't...

No, no,

I didn't get the role.

I don't know.

Probably 'cause I'm too pretty

To be on a submarine.

Yes, I am.

Shut up.

One sec.

Oh, my God!

Do you like stuffed cabbage?

My mom made this,

And if you have

A couple of extra forks,

I thought maybe...

I don't like you.

Yeah, you can say that

But I know how I felt.

There is no way

That you can kiss me like that

And not feel the...

So you're just gonna

Close the door...and lock it.

And then turn off

The porch light?

Oh, hey, Tori!

Have a seat.

You look a little worried?

Yeaeah, well, it's not fun

Getting called into

The guidance counselor's office?

You're not in trouble.

I'm here to help you

With your violence issues.

I'm not violent.

I believe you.

Then why is he here?

Tori, I know that Jade

Probably isn't

Your favorite person.

So?

So in life, just because

We may not like someone,

That doesn't mean

It's okay to beat 'em

With a cane.

Oh, relax, Derrick.

I did not hit Jade

With that cane.

Then how do you explain

Her black eye?

I don't know.

I'm just getting water.

Listen, you were under

A lot of stress

And you were worried

That Jade was gonna hit you,

Right?

Well, yeah.

So you were afraid.

Your adrenaline was pumping,

And maybe in the heat

Of the moment, you swung on Jade

With that cane for real.

Maybe...

Maybe.

I guess it's possible.

Derrick!

Now, don't you feel better

Admitting that you hit Jade?

If I say, yes, can I go?

Sure.

Okay, fine, then, yes.

Wait, aren't you gonna

Punish her?

Don't hit him.

I wasn't gonna.

Can you just tell me

My punishment?

Two weeks of detention.

And...

And?

On friday night,

The middle school's doing a play

Here in the black box theatre.

It ends with a big

Food fight scene.

So, you have to clean

The theatre after the show.

You know, scrape the food

Off the walls.

I'd have said

Three weeks detention.

I'll pull it.

Hey, how ya feeling?

My eye hurts.

Oh, yeah, which one?

Cute.

I want coffee.

What's the magic word?

Get me some coffee...

Please.

Actually, the magic word

Was lotion.

But I'll accept your "please,"

'Cause you got a boo-Boo eye.

Two sugars.

I know what to do.

Come on.

Go out with me

On saturday night.

I've already got plans.

Sunday night?

You make me sick.

Monday?

Wednesday?

Oh, she's getting up.

Trina, hey, wait,

Baby!

What's the matter?

Trina's in denial.

Ah, you're still on that?

Trina loves me.

It was a stage kiss.

She was acting.

You didn't feel the kiss.

A girl can't fake

That kind of heat.

I don't care if she tells me

A thousand times

That it didn't mean anything...

See.

I want you to meet

My parents.

There she is.

You guys,

You're so dead.

Oh, my God, Jade!

I'm so sorry, please don't

Destroy me socially,

I didn't mean to.

Just forget it.

Oh hey, Jade!

Can't... no.

Jade, wait up, wait up.

Jade, what?!

Oh, what's wrong

With your eye?

Tori hit me with a cane,

Remember?

Yeah, but never seen

A black eye drip before.

This is make-up.

Tori never hit you, did she?

Fake black eye, fake blood.

Look, you cannot tell

Anyone about this,

Especially Tori.

I won't.

Tori!

Shut up, Andre!

Tori, where are you?

Will you please stop?

Anybody seen Tori?

Nobody bother Tori.

False alarm. He ate a bad taco.

Is that mac 'n' cheese?

Who cares!

Just wanted to know

If it was mac 'n' cheese.

I don't get it.

What?

I know Andre told you

That I faked everything:

The blood, the black eye.

What is that, mac 'n' cheese?

Looks like it, right?

Why are you here?

Why didn't you tell on me?

'Cause we both

Go to school here

And it's not gonna be much fun

For either one of us

If we're fighting all the time.

So, you're just gonna let

Me get away with it.

You took detention

And a lower grade

And you're scraping

Crusty pudding off the wall

On a friday night,

Just so I won't get in trouble?

Pretty much.

Well, you can't be

Nice to me

When I've been mean to you.

That's not how it works.

Well, then,

Try being nice to me sometime.

Maybe that will work.

Now, go play.

I gotta scrape this

Onion dip off the wall

Or onion pus...

This might be more fun

With some tunes.

Hey, D,

Come scrape with us.

This is fun.

Here, try it with two.

Have you gone to theslap.com?

T-H-E-S-L-A-P.

You can find out

Who's doing things!

Everyone at hollywood arts

Puts up there pics and videos

On theslap.

TheSlap...

DotCom.

Imagine taking a warm shower,

But the water is apple juice.

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