Original subtitles

Let me worry about Nils.

The only thing on your mind should be Nobel.

General. Hilton has moved up

the investor presentation to tomorrow.

Unless you can figure out the formula, we are dead.

I'm tiny and I know it's a shock.

- Dad did this. - It was an accident.

Professor Littlejohn is the true author

of "Untitled on Purpose."

Your publisher better have deep pockets.

You are good people.

I misappropriated my student's story

and didn't correct it. - I flunked out of school.

I have to go in front of the review board tomorrow,

make a case or whatever.

Dad. - What did she tell you?

A lot. - You know I love you, kiddo.

Yeah, I know. She didn't tell me

that she loved me back. - Now you're being dramatic.

Now she thinks I'm a fuckin' liar.

Every dad disappoints eventually.

It's finally your turn.

What the fuck are you--?

You're dead. I am very much alive.

- I never meant to hurt you. - Yes, you did.

- Call it even? - Even Steven.

You know she's coming for you.

Oh, I do.

And I can't fucking wait.

Oh.

Oh, goddamn.

Oh, Uncle Sam could get behind that, huh?

My Pentagon pals are gonna love this tiny shit.

They're so cute.

Guess what's even cuter?

Shipped across the world

for the price of a first-class stamp,

and then restored to regular size

on the battlefield.

From bang to boom.

And with your connections,

bang to boom to big fucking bucks.

A close one. That was a close one.

General, this changes everything.

I'm coming for you.

You crossed the line.

You made me tiny

and tried to flush me down the toilet.

You wanted to drown me.

It's my turn now.

Death is too easy,

but I can make you suffer.

Your swimming pool, moat...

...cannot stop me.

I may be small forever,

but I've never been more powerful.

Hey, what the--?

Whoa!

Oh!

I must destroy your greatest prize.

"I must break you." Drago, Rocky IV.

Laugh it up.

Laugh... it... up.

Let's reset.

Well, well, well.

Am I to assume you're blocking my path to protect Les?

I'm protecting science.

You're protecting the man who tried to kill you.

Drawn to wrath by you.

It was a kiss.

A naked kiss.

Fine. A naked kiss.

Now, move.

Richie, please don't make me hurt you.

Hurt me?

You destroyed me.

Richie...

I am sorry, truly...

sincerely sorry.

You're a good man.

A really good man.

Now, please...

move.

I implore you to think about what you're doing.

Hilton has...

has moved the demonstration to this morning.

This... This is Les' last chance to fix the formula.

And so, we just-- we both need him to succeed.

So, regardless of what's happened,

just think about your future and mine,

hmm?

Your generosity of spirit

will be instrumental in our restoration

and a scientific discovery for the ages.

One worthy of the recognition of the highest order,

the Nobel.

Oh, Richie, Richie, Richie, Richie.

You almost had me convinced.

Get the fuck out of my way.

What, what...

I would rather die a six-inch death

than see Les Littlejohn win a fucking Nobel.

You're gone.

You're gone into the heart of darkness.

The curve.

Follow the curve.

The curve to infinity.

I need to reset.

I need to rest.

I'm so close.

What's the math?

What is it that you don't see?

What...

don't...

you...

see?

Lindy?

Les, wake up.

Fuck! Where the fuck are you?!

You evil, tiny bitch! Fuck!

Ugh!

You made a fucking canoe.

I'm bigger than you!

I will crush you! I will win!

Ugh.

Ow, ow, ow!

Oh, come on.

Help, Les!

Lindy?!

Lindy!

If you're hurt, answer me.

We can call a timeout.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do. Fuck.

Lindy [on megaphone]: Help, Les!

I'm coming, Lindy! I'm coming!

I'm coming!

And I'm trusting.

Oh. Whoa. This is a timeout, Lindy.

We agreed, right?

I'm here now.

Ow. Ow.

My pathetic hero.

I called a timeout.

- I didn't agree. - Ugh.

You're a poor sport and a monster.

You deserved it.

You're a sore loser.

You preyed upon the last shred of my compassion.

Good. Now we're even. Time in.

So there was a timeout.

In your mind.

I'm dumbin' down to play along.

Oh, yeah. You don't need to dumb down.

You've been dining out on dumb luck

for the last 20 fuckin' years.

Dumb luck?

That's what jealous, resentful people call talent.

Talent is the battle cry among housewives

over midday Chardonnay.

I teach.

Yeah. Those who can, do.

What's that saying,

"You wanna see a woman's future, look at her mother"?

Well, you are your mother.

That's not even the saying, idiot.

I'm no idiot. I'm a literal genius.

Who's out of ideas.

A science has-been

who will be so close for the rest of his life.

At least I started something and finished it, and won.

That Nobel you wanna fuck so bad?

I will kill us both before letting you win it.

Start and finish, I win again.

Oh, you know, there's just one thing I'd love to finish?

You. Ow!

You!

All right, already!

Ow, ow, ow!

Fuck!

What?!

What happened to you?

Your eye. Eww.

Nothing. Why are you here?

You're late. - Well, what time is it?

Presentation time. You're not answering your phone.

Hey!

Hey, down here! Hey!

One second.

He made me tiny!

Down here! Hey!

Just a minute.

Fuck me.

Five minutes. I'll be right behind you.

Hi, Lulu.

Hi, Tiny Mom.

Oh, funny.

I'm back at school.

Uh, how did it go with the review board?

It hasn't happened yet. Um...

I'm thinking about bailing.

Oh, yeah. I get that instinct.

What would you do?

Uh, okay.

Uh, let me think. Um, well...

I know you're excited I called.

Don't make it a thing.

I will hang up.

Got it.

I would wanna bail too, but...

older, tiny me

might come to regret that.

Like, regret what?

It's self-destructive.

And they control the narrative.

Lulu?

That's...

pretty good parenting.

What the fuck?

I might know a thing or two about a thing or two.

There she is.

I can only be me.

Hey, so, you know, um, I was thinking,

you get to hold this

"my husband shrunk me" shit over Dad

for, like, forever.

Like, you could be tiny for... forever.

Which, that's kind of cool, but...

is it cool forever?

You know, I'm just saying, you know, forever leverage.

Yeah, I'm not thrilled with the idea of forever.

Uh, but I currently don't have a choice,

so I am making peace with it.

Are you stamping your tiny foot right now?

If a tiny person stamps their foot,

does it make a sound?

Once again, funny.

Just thoughts. Okay.

I think I know what I'm gonna do.

But I want it to be a cliffhanger.

Bye, Tiny Mom.

Uh--

So you're gonna hate me, but then you're gonna love me.

I need a third option.

Cyd called. - Oh.

Ultimatum.

Lindy's second book or your imprint is dead.

Like her patience.

Lindy doesn't have a second book.

Or does she?

No, she does not.

Hell yes, she does.

Ultimatum. Jackie finished her novel,

Untitled on Purpose.

That was quick. Well, she's prolific

and driven and willing.

But I have a strict moral code.

- Huh. - So let's wheel and deal.

You get the book, slap Lindy's name on it,

save your imprint, or...

my dad.

He doesn't know anything about this... yet.

Yeah, so I did a little research and it's true.

Jackie finished her novel and, um...

your cowboy has a daughter, and it's Hel.

Me.

This is the hate part,

but, like, let's just focus on the love part.

Which is what, exactly?

Whatever you choose.

It's an ethics test.

Your imprint or my dad.

Lies or love.

Uh...

me.

I choose me.

Which means I choose him, whatever his name may be.

Love the me choice, hate the rhyme.

Is this gonna be a problem?

First thing you've said that I respected.

Philip.

Dad's name is Philip. Goes by Flip.

Oh, Flip?

I flipped for Flip.

Oh, God.

That's good there, right?

Very.

How does one solve the problem of feeding the world?

Only Les Littlejohn knows.

Now, what if we could take, say,

an ear of corn and shrink it to a fraction...

Where is this jackass?

I can assure you, he will be here.

...a hundred, a thousand ears of corn.

I know I'm late. I know.

I just--I just need a minute.

I fell down. Oh, really?

- Yeah. - Mount Kilimanjaro?

Yes. Practically, yes.

Hilton is going to sell the tech

to the military.

"Bang to boom," he said.

What, after we solve world hunger or what?

No, instead of.

Tiny soldiers, tiny missiles.

Big surprise. - But I am so close...

- Close. I know. - ...for real. For real.

For real, I know. I believe you.

Now, Hilton owns the tech,

he--he's gonna do with it whatever he wants anyway,

but we can't be party to that.

So walk--no, run. You run away.

I...

I don't think I can. - Give them what they want.

- Mm. - You out,

the tech in government hands,

but not the restoration. Okay?

What about my Nobel? What if I'm--

what if I'm out of ideas?

Um, it's time!

Les, you have the fate of the planet

in your hands.

Me?

Don't fuck it up.

I see you.

Looking at me, judging me,

like smug dicks.

But you will never judge me

as harsh as I judge myself.

I've realized that I've been trying to live up

to other's expectations of me.

I don't know what I want for myself.

And I thought that was a problem...

but it's not.

It's just the process.

And I can figure that out here

or somewhere else.

Honestly,

I'm okay either way.

Any chance you might be swingin'

by the airport tonight?

He looks fuckin' nuts.

Yes. Quite.

Science is not magic.

No.

There is no "ta-da!"

There is not.

It is work.

Hard work.

Evidently.

It's frustration.

It's passion.

It's misery and joy.

And it's fear.

You can spend years lost, wandering among the trees,

wishing, hoping, maybe even praying, which...

goes against all established scientific understanding

that maybe one day you will finally...

see the forest.

Well...

today is that day.

Let's finish what we started.

Fuck.

Here are my final thoughts.

H-hat equals H-bar omega times A-dagger A

plus one half plus...

plus P-hat squared over two M plus two

over M-omega squared--

uh, X squared, which...

which...

It's upside down.

It's inverted.

Janet, invert.

M-omega squared X squared over two.

Bobs, invert.

Invert!

Inverted M-omega squared X squared over two.

Carl, implement.

Let's make history.

Oh.

Gentlepeople, three minutes

until the curve reaches limitless stabilization.

Translation?

Ta-da!

Okay.

Fuck. I fuckin' hate tape measures.

Okay.

It is time you knew the truth about Dr. Les Littlejohn.

I did it.

I did it.

I did it.

I did it!

Yes! We made history!

Limitless stabilization. Yeah!

- Translation? - Hilton...

the corn, mathematically-- - Ah, let me. Let me.

Delicious.

Sweet and crisp. Mwah.

He did do it. Who knew?

Oh. Oh, dear.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Uh-oh.

Are you okay? Ow, oh!

Les.

No, no, no. Give him some room.

Les, Les, are you okay?

Give him some space. Give him some space.

Ta-da.

I got you!

Finally, I got you.

Fuck yeah, you did, Awesome Les.

Oppenheimer's got nothing on you, huh?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Let's talk numbers. - What the fuck?

General Henderson: Let's talk numbers.

Yeah.

Oh, no, you didn't.

Okay.

Fuck. I fuckin' hate tape measures.

It is time you knew the truth

about Dr. Les Littlejohn.

All right, Nils.

You wanted to know more about Les' secret project?

Here I am. Okay?

Les.

Is it the corn?

Are you sick? No, it's not the corn.

Uh, somebody emailed something.

Something not good, uh, to a journalist,

and that something is going to destroy me

just when I'm-- - Nils.

Is that the journalist? - Yes. How did you know?

You mentioned him before.

Yes, well, imagine what he could do

if he had something on me.

Something big-- uh, small, but very big.

What do I do?

You sit...

relax.

Today is your day.

No...

it's our day.

We did it. Partners.

Don't worry about Nils.

Vivian's taken care of it.

Nils has retired permanently.

Nils is not a problem.

He's not?

Who sent you the email?

Tell Vivian.

Who is your problem?

Are you going third-person?

I find it effective in situations such as this.

Now... tell Vivian.

Um...

Fine. Doesn't matter who.

Sometimes, when someone threatens

the most important thing in the world to you,

you have no choice but to eliminate them.

Because the someone who would do something like that

is never going to stop.

You are going to have to stop them.

Does that scare you?

No. Yes. No. Uh, a little.

I'm not suggesting you physically murder someone.

Did you think that? - No.

Yes. No. A little.

No, I'm-I'm only suggesting...

Get creative.

Why, yes.

Get creative.

And then, leave the rest to fate.

Fate makes its own choices.

Fate.

Yes, that is creative.

Come on, Nils.

Whoo!

Okay, write me back. Write me back, Nils. Jesus.

Come on, Nils.

Lindy.

Lindy, I have a surprise for you.

I'm unarmed.

There's no tricks up these sleeves.

I come bringing tidings of great joy.

I solved the restoration formula.

I can make you big again,

if that's something you're interested in.

Going to celebrate?

I've decided. We're keeping him.

Yeah. He won't play ball.

You don't know that.

I do, actually.

That's kinda my thing.

Just fire him.

I can get him to play.

Les' brain is a valuable asset to us.

More valuable than mine or yours?

- You're making me choose. - You're making me choose.

Well, then we should both choose wisely.

What? I'm not even blocking, just go around.

You better not be fucking with me.

Oh, no. It's true. I did it.

I remain a literal genius.

Look, I miniaturized and restored Mr. Magoo.

How's that proof? I never saw him tiny.

I hate that cat. Well, that's funny.

He told me he hates you too.

What's that, Magoo? Huh?

You're hungry? Oh, poor thing.

He's been through a lot.

Oh, what am I saying? You know, sorta.

Well, gotta feed him.

It'd be inhumane not to, right?

You know, Dr. Carmichael said

that I can't force change on you,

so I'm having second thoughts about making you big.

I think I've learned that I have to accept you

for who you are, the way you are.

And that you're never gonna stop.

I gotta eat myself, worked up quite the appetite.

I think I deserve a good meal.

And so, I bid you farewell

and I wish you the best of luck.

I'll leave it up to fate.

Good kitty.

Easy, Magoo.

Easy.

Easy.

Fuck.

Magoo, stop! Bad cat.

Stop! Oh, shit.

So be honest, when I took a bite of the sweet corn,

did you think I was going to explode?

Did you? You didn't? Did I? I don't know.

I mean--I mean, not really.

But--but, you know, I was thinking, um, trust the math.

- Uh-hmm. - Trust the math. That's what--

Oh! Did you see Hilton? Did you see his face?

Was he scared? I didn't see-- - Let's not focus on Hilton.

Yeah, fuck that guy. Let's focus on me instead.

Let--let's focus on us.

Yeah. I'm the fuckin' golden boy.

Cheers to me.

Cheers to us

and everything we want to accomplish...

together.

You know, I can't believe it.

I mean, I can believe it, but I can't believe it

because, you know, I did make fuckin' history.

If only Lindy could see me now, right?

Lindy? Yeah.

You know, I saw her in my science thoughts

at the podium.

Um, that cocktail napkin

when she turned it right side up?

Bang. That was it.

I got it. Invert.

Lindy... Uh-hmm.

...helped you...

with science. Yeah.

I guess.

You know, cheers to me again.

Hmm. You're not really eating.

I feel ill. Yeah, so do I a little bit,

in my stomach.

I think it's excitement.

Les... we shared,

we got personal.

- Uh-hmm. - We have secrets.

I thought we were partners,

a scientist standing in front of another scientist.

Yeah, of course, you helped.

Helped?

- Yeah. - Like Lindy helped.

You both helped.

But I plan on thanking you

in my acceptance speech,

um, when I win the Nobel, and not Lindy.

And then everyone will know that you contributed

and not Lindy.

And that's very important to me.

Not-Lindy is more important to you...

than us.

Not really following.

Exactly.

I think you should collect your things.

Uh, from what? From here?

- From the office. - Oh, yes, good idea.

We need more space. We do.

In a way.

Excuse me a moment.

Can I, uh, order you anything else?

I'm done.

Is that--is she leaving?

Fuck.

That's my stuff!

Hey!

I know you can see me. Open the fucking door!

My ID's not working.

Where is Mr. Magoo?

You gonna let me in?

Where is Mr. Magoo?

Is this about a cat?

I want my tiny cat back.

I restored him! I took him home.

It's fucking Lindy's cat.

I hate that cat.

I don't know who you are.

Aren't you gonna let me in?!

Oh, fuck this!

You think you can lock me out, motherfuckers?

It's my fucking lab! Mine!

Oh, goddammit.

Goddammit.

What was the plan here?

My ID didn't work.

And you were gonna drive through the lobby?

Yeah.

You didn't listen.

I tried.

I was passionate about it.

I cursed.

I warned you about these people.

You did.

You dummy.

Now it's over.

Hilton has everything.

We have... nothing.

Well, I... I couldn't help it.

It's my life's work.

I had to do it.

Les...

the Nobel was never on the table.

They were always going to steal your tech.

Martin, without the Nobel...

I'm not worthy.

Worthy of what?

Her.

Lindy.

I needed Lindy to be proud of me.

Lindy's the only person who's ever really gotten me,

seen me.

Lindy.

I can't get her out of my head.

She's everywhere.

Oh, God.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh.

What? I can't keep up. - Uh, Martin...

can you get back in there?

What did I just say?

I have to get the formula. Oh, fuck, fuck.

I can't go home without it. I need a ride.

No, you're gonna have to take an Uber because I got Dana.

No, you're gonna fucking drive me home fucking now.

- What? No. That--what? - This is life or death, Martin,

for real this time, for really, really, real.

Magoo could eat her. - The cat?

- Yeah. I'll explain-- - What do you mean?

I'll explain to you and Dana later.

You gotta drive me. Come on. - What do you mean, eat her?

Why? What are you--

Fuck.

Richie! - Huh? Ah! No, no, no!

- What? Whoa! - Go, go!

Come on.

Oh, good. Good, good. We're safe. We're safe.

The fat lady hasn't sung, man, okay?

Well, I appreciate your...

- You're alive. You're alive! - You're a strong one.

But I just-- I'm trying to reconcile

Les the husband and Les the scientist.

What drives a man to-to such generosity

and compassion towards science,

and yet such selfish heartlessness towards his wife?

- Oh, God. - I just--tell me, why?

I'm asking you again. Why Les?

- Richie... - What? No, no, no.

...this is not the time for this.

No, listen. Why marry a man who has no--

No, no!

Richie!

Lindy, help me! Please! Mommy!

♪ Yes, 'cause it's gone, ♪ ♪ Daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone ♪

♪ Yeah, it's gone, ♪ ♪ Daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone ♪

♪ Yeah, it's gone, ♪ ♪ Daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone ♪

♪ Yeah, it's gone, ♪ ♪ Daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone away ♪

♪ When I see you ♪

♪ Eyes will turn blue ♪

♪ When I see you ♪

♪ A thousand eyes ♪ ♪ Turning blue ♪

♪ 'Cause it's gone, ♪ ♪ Daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone ♪

♪ Gone, daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone ♪

♪ Yeah, it's gone, ♪ ♪ Daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone ♪

♪ Beautiful girl, ♪ ♪ Lovely dress ♪

♪ Fifteen smiles, oh yes ♪

♪ Beautiful girl, ♪ ♪ Lovely dress ♪

♪ Where she is now, ♪ ♪ I can only guess ♪

♪ 'Cause it's gone, ♪ ♪ Daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone ♪

♪ Yeah, it's gone, ♪ ♪ Daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone ♪

♪ Said it's gone, ♪ ♪ Daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone ♪

♪ Yeah, it's gone, ♪ ♪ Daddy, gone ♪

♪ The love is gone away ♪

♪ Gone away ♪

♪ Gone away ♪

♪ Gone away ♪