Original subtitles

There were always two sides to this story.

Was faith that led us here?

To lady bells with all wings that cling and wings that fell all

our time.

It's easy to see all these changes for me. But all

of these things...

Do not compare, not anywhere, no near the way we do.

Through all of this life, there's you.

Accident. That was my bloody widower. Shut up or I'll tell her what you were

doing.

I've got a natural curiosity for a boy my age.

Fuck off.

And I know it's you that's been stealing their knickers.

They better not be sticky when I find them.

Get the fuck out of there, bitch!

It's me, Emily.

Tell her to get out of the shower, she's making me late for college.

Bobby Flash, remember to make a pat on Jake. No.

Why don't you get Katie to... Remember to smile.

Fucking hell.

Fucking walker.

Jesus. Shit.

Oh, fuck's sake.

Puffy little bastard.

She's gone to work, loser.

Fucking hell.

How many times are you going to do that? I need to wash my hair and you've... I

knew this top would look fucking badass.

It's mine.

Yeah? Aren't you glad I made you buy it?

Get dressed, though.

We're going to be late.

I don't know where you got this thong, but it's properly cutting me in half.

You could always give it back. Sorry.

You know it doesn't look as good on you.

Oh, there's Danny.

Hey, cutie.

I'm just coming.

I'm telling you, college, first day.

You need to get ready.

Because we're not waiting for you.

What about my packed lunch?

Fuck off.

You see if you're funny, Dash, let Matt free.

So, Tomo goes up the inside, right?

I drop back to cover Morocco and Keno.

Took a one-two from Jono. He's gone, Dano!

So I drag back over the ball, right?

Looked up, chipped the centre-back.

Bof! Sambo's in on goal.

Sambo? Yeah, he's got a lovely sense of rhythm.

Whoa! Where's your knickers, girl?

That's for me to know. I need to find out, though.

Nice one!

Nice one, yeah?

Yes, you know.

Here you are.

J.D. Dumont, baby.

Represent that Polynesia.

Worldwide.

Score one for me, honey.

Layers, babes.

See you, Danny.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Renault Megane Coupe.

Fucking bad.

Here, Ems.

Ems. Yeah?

You ought to spruce up, yeah? Get some decent friends like Katie.

We're having a party at the Premier Travel Lodge on Thursday.

Party fun, yeah?

The lads.

They love a twin thing, you know.

That's sweet of you, Danny.

Can I get back to you on that?

Yeah, yeah.

Nice one.

You Danny, that gashead footy player?

Yeah. My mate Janice wants you to sign her tits.

Let me park her.

Your boyfriend's well, man. Yeah, he's totally fit.

He took me to the Sackett's Grand last week for surf, turf and shot.

Sex. I love Danny DeLero.

Lash.

Skirtlash. Boxing. Oh, yeah, cute.

He's signing Samantha's text.

Bonkers.

What's surf and turf, eh?

Sex. Wow, we're going to have a whizzer time at this college, ain't we, eh?

I'm definitely going to have a surf and turf ASAP. Mum says boys only want one

thing, so my plan is to give it to them lots of times. And that way, I'll get

good at it, be really popular, and maybe my toes will stop throbbing.

Christ's sake, Ems, come on, you loser.

What's wrong with you? You're always lagging behind me.

Why don't you wear decent clothes?

Right.

You hate her.

Who do I hate, Eb?

I'll let you know.

Cool.

Right, let's get this party started. Do you want a lollipop?

No.

Whoa.

Hi, I'm Katie.

I'm Bruno.

What do you know?

Hello.

Who's your friend?

Pandora. Wow, you're a corker.

Thanks.

It's nice to... I've got to go.

Stroof. Do you think he'd do surf and turf with me yet?

I'll ask.

Got to go.

Lesson one, practical skills. Filing on L's. Handy.

I'm Pandora.

I'm useless.

Cute. I'm Katie.

That's my sister.

Aren't you Effie Stoneman?

Haven't you got, like, a really cool brother?

Yeah, he's cool. All my friends fancied him. I wasn't so fusto. Didn't he go

mental or something?

Anyway, I've got a boyfriend.

He plays for Bristol Robo Reserves.

Impressive. Yeah, he's well lush.

Let's sit together. We can chat, cos, you know... Well, we're the best looking

in here, really. Sorry, but we are. We should hang out.

Definitely.

Oh, no, here it comes.

Total lizard bitch.

Excuse me.

Yeah, like, don't talk to her.

She tried to snog my sister at middle school.

Pervy. Don't you think, F?

Watch out, Katie.

Might get confused and fuck you with my great big strap on my mistake.

Muff-munching bitch.

Just jumped on you, didn't she? Leave it, Katie.

Whatever.

Come on.

We'll get the best seats, yeah?

So, you've the doormat, then?

Sort of.

Interesting that you just put up with that.

Yeah.

Mum's done the signal.

So everybody knows where my party is.

How many people did you invite?

Um, four.

You, F, Emily and Naomi.

Naomi?

Why did you invite her?

Em says I have to or she won't come.

Aww. Sweet.

Come on, we can do brownies and then lick our balls out.

Do you think she knows she sounds filthy half the time?

Sometimes I wonder.

about shouting like a goat in the house. Sorry.

Look, Mum, friends.

Still shouting, Panda?

Calm time, please.

I'm calm.

I'm calm.

I'm calm.

So, this is Effie.

Effie! We meet at last.

Yes. Panda always told me so much about you. Yeah, you know, Eff, your

missionary work.

Yes, I try and do as much of that as I can.

That's good. There's so many bad things in the world.

Boys and drugs.

Guns. Alcohol.

Boys. Evil things.

I'm glad Pandora's found a channel she can pour her energy into.

Well, yes, all the semen like her.

Semen? Oh, yes.

Loads of semen.

Some of them are homeless as well.

We'd all love to see Pandora get her own missionary position.

Right.

It's lovely.

And this is?

Katie. Katie, I haven't heard about you. She's a new friend, Mum. Stupid.

Well, that's wonderful.

You're not used to having so many friends, are you? No, and I've got more.

Heaps more.

Two more.

Four friends.

Goodness, we're going to be having a wild old time, aren't we? I hope you all

like playing Monster in the Dark.

Looking forward to it.

I'd expect you all to want to wash your hands and take your shoes off.

Come on, I'll show your mum's special box.

London's burning, London's burning Fetch the engines, fetch the engines Fetch the

engines, fetch the engines

Fucking hell.

Yes? Nothing, young lady.

I have nothing to say to you at all.

Who the fuck is that? Hi.

Jesus.

Never been to a pyjama party before, so I bought vodka.

Is that right?

Don't know.

I don't wear pyjamas.

Right.

I don't know why she invited me anyway.

I hardly know her.

I asked her to invite you.

I thought we sorted this out. No, I didn't mean, like... Well, it doesn't

hurt to get to know each other, does it?

We're in the same class.

We'll be hanging out for the next two years and you... You're going to tell

people you're gay any time soon.

What?

I'm not.

I'm not gay.

I'm telling you, Em, you haven't thought this through, have you?

No. So can I just say again?

Me, not Muff Muncher.

Me, Cock Cruncher.

You getting any cock?

I have done.

Except he had erectile dysfunction.

Seventeen times.

I was getting tennis elbow, you know.

Yes? Can I help you with something?

No. This is a quiet cul-de-sac and you are disgraceful young women.

Yeah. Let's go fuck yourself.

Cossack.

Hi!

Hey, what?

Hey. Mum!

More friends!

Naomi and Emily!

Calm, please, Panda.

Oh, yeah.

I'm calm.

I'm calm.

We've been so looking forward to this, haven't we, Panda?

Yeah.

What? Oh, yeah. Shoes!

Are you all chums?

Oh, yeah.

Ems and Naomi are real good friends, you know. How lovely.

Really good. Yeah.

And now they like me as well.

Hang on, aren't you Katie?

That's the amazing thing. Katie!

They're twins.

C'est incroyable, baby.

Sorry? It's French.

Thomas taught me. He's such a blinking dream and... Bugger. Thomas?

Who's Thomas?

Oh, you know...

Andora, I do hope you haven't been defying me on the subject of boys.

He's my boyfriend, actually.

He does excellent French.

Right.

Andora knows my opinion on boyfriends.

I just want to get into my box. Yes.

And I do hope all of you will respect that in this house we do not allow

unruly males at parties.

I'm sure your parents would say the same thing.

Um, yeah, yeah. Boys. No, boys.

Disgusting.

There you go.

Kate and Emily.

Completely identical.

Are you interested in all the same things?

Um... I'm not sure.

You like Twister, though. Sorry?

Twister! It's brill!

It's gonna be Twister-matic, baby!

I'm afraid Pandora gets overstimulated.

We do exercises night and day.

Oh, I've left pyjamas out for you all. They're pink. And clean. They're very,

very clean.

Twister.

Are you shitting me?

Don't worry.

I spiked the chocolate brownies with MDMA.

You what?

Yeah.

Appreciate it, okay?

There's fucking 40 quids worth in there.

You think it's funny?

It is kind of.

Yeah, it's into the spirit, Ems.

It's okay, T.

You're going to be nice to me now with Twister Pals.

Promise not to grab your minge and everything.

OK, ha-ha.

Hands off the muff and we're sorted.

Gotcha. No buffing the beaver. No groping the growler.

Don't tickle on my tinkle.

OK, I won't fluff up your flange.

You done?

Yep. We're double done with the DNA dump.

Hey, guys.

What do you think?

Mum made them specially, and look.

Jesus. So you can have sexy poo.

Or brainy poo.

Except for me, because I have panda poo.

Mumma me soda mum. It's a wacko job, I'm telling you.

I'm not wearing that. Why not?

It's a pyjama party.

What the fuck? Give it here.

Oh, wizard poo.

Because look what goes with them.

I must compliment myself, though. My brownies are usually delicious.

I've really excelled myself.

This is my third already.

Well, I'm going to have three.

Thanks, Mum.

Yeah, sure.

Wow.

Listen to that.

Can you hear the music?

Oh, yeah.

Mum?

Oh, that's beautiful.

Oh, it sounds... What's she doing?

Oh, wow, yeah. I'm getting it.

I'm telling you, that is fucking good shit.

What have you done?

Eat a cake, Panda.

It's gonna be a long night.

When I saw you there, dancing on air, I knew I could not wait.

Dancing on a whale.

Okay,

cook out. Don't get arrested.

They will not be naked.

Don't worry.

Where are you going?

Wine. I want wine.

What do you want, Kenneth Grigio?

Or Silo Oblivion? Anything.

Just give me a fucking... Just give me a...

It's only the drugs, right?

You like that?

You're gay.

Yes.

Oh. My.

Giddy. Giddy. Giddy.

Aunt.

Shit! Hey, Kanye!

Kanye!

Where are you, girl?

Fuck it up, girl!

Hey!

What's going on, kiddo? The lads!

Shit! The Jorma party! Check it out, lads!

Nice one!

No, no! You're not meant to be here, remember?

Come on, girl, have a heart. We lost 7-0 again, innit?

You know the lads.

Tomo. Marco.

What are you doing, man?

Jono. Sambo.

Kino.

Stano.

Pino.

Nice. Grebo.

Rico.