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1
00:00:02,306 --> 00:00:03,742
[chuckles]
2
00:00:03,786 --> 00:00:05,309
He was a real spurter.
3
00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:06,876
Yeah, must have had
high blood pressure.
4
00:00:06,919 --> 00:00:08,138
Should probably see a physician.
5
00:00:08,182 --> 00:00:09,400
Well, he definitely should now.
6
00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:10,749
[both laugh]
7
00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:12,099
Oh, Laszlo, I feel wild.
8
00:00:12,142 --> 00:00:14,536
I want to do something
stupid and crazy.
9
00:00:14,579 --> 00:00:17,321
All right. What say
we retire to our bedchamber
10
00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:20,324
and slip into some
informal evening wear?
11
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:22,892
And by that, I mean the nude.
12
00:00:22,935 --> 00:00:26,287
[laughs]:
Oh, Laszlo.
13
00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:28,289
Laszlo?
14
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:30,117
Shh. Look.
15
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:32,989
That's our new neighbor, Phil.
16
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,992
Digestif, my darkest princess?
17
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,342
Laszlo, we've just eaten.
18
00:00:38,386 --> 00:00:39,778
I want to do
something different.
19
00:00:39,822 --> 00:00:41,345
[rolls tongue, laughs]
20
00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:43,347
Well, why don't I eat
and you watch?
21
00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:44,435
That's kinky.
22
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,133
Is it?
23
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:48,657
[chuckles] Bickering like
a couple of ninnies.
24
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:51,312
I know, right?
It's like, "Sheesh. We get it.
25
00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:52,878
You've been together
for centuries."
26
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:54,967
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
27
00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:56,795
Those are vampires.
28
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:58,319
You don't get to insult them.
29
00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,234
-I was just...
-You're not a vampire.
30
00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:01,539
-I'm sorry, Master.
-Geez.
31
00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:03,106
I mean, come on,
we get it already.
32
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,282
You've been married
for centuries.
33
00:01:05,326 --> 00:01:07,676
Watch this.
34
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,243
Bat.
35
00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:16,554
Just get on with it, Laszlo.
36
00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:21,255
Come to me, Phil.
37
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:24,040
Submit to my dark power.
38
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:27,261
Submit
to my dark power.
39
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:29,350
When was the last time
I felt his dark power?
40
00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:31,830
I say come to me, Phil.
41
00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:35,399
-I'm not staying for this.
You're being very boring.
-Submit to my dark power.
42
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:36,835
[bat squeaking]
43
00:01:36,879 --> 00:01:38,794
-[hisses]
-WOMAN: Phil? I'm home.
44
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:40,796
-Phil? Who are you talking to?
-LASZLO: Shit. Bat!
45
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:42,102
[shrieking, grunting]
46
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:46,584
-[grunting]
-[bat screeching]
47
00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:49,413
[grunting fiercely]
48
00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:50,849
-Oh!
-NANDOR: Oh, shit.
49
00:01:50,893 --> 00:01:52,155
GUILLERMO:
The fuck?
50
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:53,374
BOTH:
Ooh...
51
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,637
["You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing]
52
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,248
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long♪
53
00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:00,642
♪ They have no use
for your song♪
54
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:03,166
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead♪
55
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,690
♪ You're dead
and out of this world♪
56
00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:10,826
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone♪
57
00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:13,437
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world♪
58
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,961
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead♪
59
00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:18,529
♪ You're dead
and out of this world.♪
60
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,140
♪
61
00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:29,671
-Come on.
-COLIN: What's going on?
62
00:02:29,714 --> 00:02:32,195
-NANDOR: Laszlo was over
at Phil's house.
-COLIN: Okay.
63
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,415
NANDOR:
And Phil's girlfriend hit him
over the head
64
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:35,981
-and knocked him unconscious.
-COLIN: Okay.
65
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:37,679
NANDOR:
So now we need to rescue him.
66
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:38,984
COLIN:
Well, where's Nadja, though?
67
00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:41,248
NANDOR:
I don't know.
68
00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:45,339
NADJA: Obviously, being in a marriage for centuries can get boring.
69
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,471
And it is in these moments
of dissatisfaction
70
00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:52,259
that I think about
my human ex-lover, Gregor.
71
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:55,262
Oh, he is the most
fantastic of men.
72
00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:57,089
[sighs]
73
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:59,091
If I did have to give
one criticism, though,
74
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:01,268
it would be that he did
accidentally get
75
00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,270
his head cut off
in every life he's had.
76
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:04,271
[screaming]
77
00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:07,709
Such short, sweet lives.
78
00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:10,190
Shit. Shit, shit.
79
00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:14,237
[grunting]
80
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,847
No, no, no, no, no, no.
81
00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:18,720
[grunting, panting]
82
00:03:18,763 --> 00:03:20,243
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Please take the ticket.
83
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,941
Holy shit. Wow.
84
00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:24,508
NADJA: He has been reincarnated again.
85
00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:27,381
And in this life,
he is called Jep...
86
00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:29,383
Jean. Jange.
87
00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:33,735
Uh, no, it's, um, Jex.
88
00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:36,259
Jesh. Jenk?
89
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:39,436
It-it sounds like Jesh.
90
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,656
But, no doubt,
he has been reborn
91
00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:43,527
as another heroic figure.
92
00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:45,094
Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no!
93
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:46,617
I told you guys, okay,
you're not supposed
94
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,750
to come in here unless
you have a car, all right?
95
00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,404
And, uh, those don't
look like cars, so...
96
00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:52,623
-[scoffs]
You're not a cop, man.
-I'm not a...
97
00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:55,496
-You can't tell us what to do.
-All right,
I'm taking your name down.
98
00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:56,714
I'm taking your name down. Hey.
99
00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:58,499
In the camouflage.
I can still see you.
100
00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:00,501
NANDOR:
All right,
101
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:03,634
one of us needs to be invited inand get Laszlo.
102
00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:05,419
I am nominating Guillermo,
103
00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:07,290
because I am too foreign
and you are too boring.
104
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:09,379
Well, Guillermo doesn't need
to be invited,
105
00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:11,163
as he's a human being.
106
00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:13,644
I would prefer to be invited in.It's more polite.
107
00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:16,212
Actually, it looks
like it's a moot point.
108
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,913
They've stolen Laszlo.
109
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:30,052
I'm not approaching him.
Just going to watch.
110
00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:35,536
[exhales]
111
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:38,365
[moaning]
112
00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:40,410
[grunts]
113
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:46,373
Gregor. Gregor.
114
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:49,898
He's not answering, 'cause
that-that is not his name.
115
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:52,117
Jesk.
116
00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:53,380
[clattering]
117
00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:55,599
Hey. Wow.
118
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:58,559
What a wonderful shock it is
to see you here.
119
00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:00,561
-Yes. [chuckles]
-Do you think maybe
120
00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:03,477
you could let me into
your shelter of automobiles?
121
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,043
What?
122
00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:07,959
Oh, uh, yeah.
Come on in, of course. Yeah.
123
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,352
[laughs softly]
124
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,223
Well, how have you been?
I-I didn't think
125
00:05:11,267 --> 00:05:12,486
I'd ever see you again.
126
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,444
You will always see me again.
127
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:17,621
Okay.
Uh, this is where I work.
128
00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:20,363
Hence the...
why I'm working here.
129
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:21,582
-Amazing.
-Yeah.
130
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,975
You are protecting
a vast empire.
131
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:26,587
Three floors, yeah.
132
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:28,589
Are the cameras with you?
133
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:31,069
You don't see the cameras.
134
00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:34,638
Okay. Yeah. Come on in.
135
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:38,642
Oh, we got your birds,
your rats-- people hate rats.
136
00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,035
Then you got your skunks.
137
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:41,819
We get a lot of calls
for skunks.
138
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:45,040
I have to get closer
to see if he's in there.
139
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,781
-[yells, moans in pain]
-[thuds]
140
00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:48,043
[dogs barking]
141
00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:50,611
Sounds like an owl to me.
142
00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:52,743
So do you keep your horses
on one of the levels?
143
00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:54,571
Uh, no. There was a Jaguar
in here once.
144
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,965
It's a pretty nice car.Just thought it was pretty cool.
145
00:05:57,008 --> 00:06:00,011
NADJA:
I have met Gregor
in many incarnations.
146
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:03,798
Soldier, spy,
wax seller, monger,
147
00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:08,324
carpet monger, suitcase monger,
148
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,544
fishmonger, fly monger.
149
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,546
He mongers a lot in his lives.
150
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:15,636
Your job is so complicated,
Gregor.
151
00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,464
-Oh...
-So stimulating.
152
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:19,466
-[both chuckle]
-No.
153
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:21,424
A-Again, you know,
it, uh... it's "Jeff."
154
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:22,686
Shh.
155
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,862
I have crossed oceans of time
to be with you.
156
00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:26,647
[both chuckle]
157
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:28,866
-I'm imagining
swimming through time.
-Yes...
158
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,608
-But I have.
-Oh, wow.
159
00:06:31,652 --> 00:06:34,002
Well, I'm gonna get
off work here, in a second.
160
00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:37,571
I just got a little bit moreto do, if you want to hang out.
161
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:40,878
Oh, it is forbidden,
but ten, 15 minutes?
162
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:42,706
-Yes, that's great.
-I will see you then.
163
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,839
-Okay, cool.
-[moaning]
164
00:06:44,882 --> 00:06:48,146
NADJA:
He's always got a very,
very strong sexual energy
165
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:51,498
that calls to my sexual energy.
166
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:53,500
Deeply sexual.
167
00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:55,197
That's Gregor.
168
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:59,593
So, our roommate, Laszlo,
was knocked unconscious
169
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:03,597
whilst in bat form by ourneighbor, uh, Phil's girlfriend,
170
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:07,949
and he's now caged and inside
the animal shelter.
171
00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:12,127
Uh, uh, Laszlo, not Phil,
our neighbor's girlfriend.
172
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:13,911
Yes.
173
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:15,609
We must get him out
before daybreak.
174
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,132
Well, and that's the thing
175
00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:19,308
with these nightwalkers
here, isn't it?
176
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:21,963
You know, a little bit
of sunlight, and poof.
177
00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:24,356
They go up in flames.
178
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,185
-I've never gone poof,
but it's okay.
-Not yet.
179
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:30,493
The vampires are always like,
[accent]: "Ooh! I'm a vampire.
180
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:33,670
I'm immortal. I'm...
[regular voice]: whatever."
181
00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:37,761
Well, okay. Well, how about
you go be immortal at brunch?
182
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,374
NADJA:
So what is the itinerary
for tonight?
183
00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:44,376
Are you going to punish
your worst enemy?
184
00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:46,378
Embarrass him
in front of his elders?
185
00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,555
-Oh, uh...
-Or are we going to destroy
186
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,078
the worst criminals
from your village
187
00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,427
and I will help?
188
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,907
Wait, in Staten Island?
189
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:55,605
How about find some red witchesand cut their feet off?
190
00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,607
We could go to the carnival.
191
00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,304
I mean, they've got games there.It's pretty dope.
192
00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,958
It is like a freak show?
193
00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:02,699
I don't think
you're supposed to say that.
194
00:08:02,743 --> 00:08:04,962
We used to have a freak show
in my village.
195
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:06,573
We would get given one balloon
196
00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:08,400
between all my brothers
and sisters.
197
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:10,707
And then we would bite
at each other to get it.
198
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:13,928
One year, my sister bit
my brother's thigh,
199
00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:16,408
and then we sold the meat
for money.
200
00:08:17,671 --> 00:08:20,630
Hello. C-Can we come in?
201
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:24,373
Excuse us,
can we come into the shelter?
202
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:26,593
We're open till 11:00.
203
00:08:26,636 --> 00:08:29,030
-Okay, that's great.
-We see that.
204
00:08:29,073 --> 00:08:31,641
BOTH:
Can we come in?
205
00:08:31,685 --> 00:08:34,514
Yeah, come in.
206
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,431
How's your night been, guys?
207
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:41,825
-It's none of your business.
-What are you... What?
208
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,784
-How's your night been?
-It's been fine.
209
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:45,786
Okay, good. Ours has, too.
210
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:48,832
Isn't this the one
that you ate last week?
211
00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:50,834
I didn't. I wouldn't.
212
00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:54,229
[whispers]:
It's locked.
213
00:08:54,272 --> 00:08:56,797
You guys looking
for the bathroom?
214
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,233
I need to do a two.
215
00:08:58,276 --> 00:09:01,366
It's right behind you, man.
That door.
216
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,804
-Wait. Where are you going?
-[door opens, closes]
217
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:05,936
They're not happy
tonight, Bobby.
218
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:08,286
-Yeah, what's up?
-Oh, I brought in a bat.
219
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,158
-BOBBY: Okay.
-A little fella,
you got to see this guy.
220
00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:12,769
-Look at his face.
-[laughs]: Yeah.
221
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:15,076
BOBBY:
This guy looks like
a little English guy.
222
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,817
KAREN:
Yeah, he's a little,
little British chap.
223
00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:18,601
Wait, wait, wait, let me blow
him up there. Look at...
224
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,647
-You see something?
You see something?
-No way.
225
00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:24,433
-That is a bat's erect penis
on that screen.
-Laszlo's.
226
00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:27,392
-Okay.
-We're gonna have to get him
a little rabies shot.
227
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:30,831
I want you to bring me the
strange bat with the erection.
228
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:33,224
Wait, hang on a second.
Can you imagine him
229
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:36,401
with that little British
top hat, like, "Whoo..."
230
00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:37,751
-Like a little explorer.
-I don't think that worked.
231
00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:40,231
-I know.
-Not so hot at hypnotism, huh?
232
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:43,452
I'm fine at hypnotism; it's justyou can't hypnotize a subject
233
00:09:43,495 --> 00:09:44,845
that doesn't want
to do something
234
00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:46,847
that you want them to do.
235
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,066
If the only time
you can hypnotize someone
236
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:53,462
is when you have them do
something they want to do,
237
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:55,290
then it's not really hypnotism,is it?
238
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:58,075
[both hissing]
239
00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:59,903
Wait a minute,
can we help you guys?
240
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:03,515
Uh, yeah. We're actually lookingfor a lost pet.
241
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:04,908
-Oh. Okay.
-Okay.
242
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:08,042
-What kind of pet is it?
-A normal one.
243
00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:09,826
Like, a bat.
244
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,654
Oh, now, bats are illegal.
245
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,482
He said "cat," ma'am.
246
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:15,005
Well, if you have any sort
of missing animal,
247
00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:16,790
then you just need to fill out
the required paperwork,
248
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:18,574
and then we'll go have a look
in the back for you.
249
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,967
Fine.
250
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:28,366
NADJA:
Gregor doesn't know
I am not human
251
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:31,021
and I cannot do certain things, like eat human food.
252
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:33,154
Hey. I got us some popcorn.
253
00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:35,286
What is it?
254
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:37,680
Popcorn?
You've never had popcorn?
255
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:38,899
-You're gonna love it.
Here, try it.
-Oh.
256
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,596
-Just try one piece.
-Oh, I'm-I'm... No, I...
257
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,729
-No, just come on, just...
-Ooh, wait a minute.
258
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:44,687
Got it? No, just...
let me put it in your mouth.
259
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:45,862
-[growls]
-If you just...
260
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,821
If it touches your tongue,
it'll stay.
261
00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:49,170
It sticks to your tongue.
262
00:10:49,213 --> 00:10:50,737
That's what's
kind of fun about it.
263
00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,782
There you go. Yeah.
264
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:55,872
Mm. Hmm.
265
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:03,445
[Jeff grunts]
266
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,709
Mm. That was so nice.
267
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,798
-Yeah.
-Hey, do you want more?
268
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:10,539
-Oh, no. I'm-I'm okay.
-I got a whole bucket.
269
00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:12,846
No! No. No.
[chuckles]
270
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:16,327
Okay, so the ASBN-119
I need, but...
271
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:19,766
MA-553 is of no use to me
whatsoever, correct?
272
00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:21,419
Uh, exactly.
[yawns]
273
00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:25,772
[whispering]: I'm trying
to find an open window.
274
00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:28,035
I think I found one.
275
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:33,214
[bat squeaking]
276
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,131
Laszlo.
277
00:11:37,174 --> 00:11:38,567
There you are.
278
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,830
I've come to rescue you.
[grunts]
279
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,484
[dogs barking, cats yowling]
280
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,707
[grunting]
281
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:58,543
[gasps] Gregor.
It is your beloved weapon.
282
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,981
You are the master archer.
283
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:04,027
Yeah. I... I am pretty good
at this in VR.
284
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:07,117
Behold the great
Gregor the archer.
285
00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:08,640
It's Jeff.
286
00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:11,948
Bring this place to its knees.
287
00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:14,690
Oh, shit. [groans]
288
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,171
Imagine it is a horde
of Turkish.
289
00:12:17,214 --> 00:12:19,216
-Horde of what?
-[hisses]: Kill them.
290
00:12:21,088 --> 00:12:22,437
[Jeff sighs]
291
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,265
I kind of suck at this.
I don't know.
292
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,223
What has happened to you?
293
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:28,878
[quietly]:
Stupid.
294
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,924
NANDOR:
We are out, we are out,
we are out.
295
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,926
-[bell tinkles]
-Here. Guillermo.
296
00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:35,929
[panting]: This is the third
animal shelter I visited.
297
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,669
-We did it?
-NANDOR: Yes, yes, yes.
298
00:12:37,713 --> 00:12:38,801
-[chuckles]
-[bat squeaking]
299
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:40,803
Laszlo, you are free now.
300
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:43,414
-So be free.
-[yelping]
301
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:47,636
-Oh...
-You're welcome.
302
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,160
-Yeah.
-Fucking guy.
303
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:52,206
Are you guys sure it was him?
304
00:12:56,427 --> 00:12:59,474
Where the fuck am I?
305
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:02,042
I say!
306
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:03,739
Release me.
307
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:07,308
So, what just happened
is that Nandor took a bat
308
00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:09,527
that was being treated here,
309
00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:12,835
and he just rereleased it
into the wild.
310
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:14,706
Uh, a sick, sick bat.
311
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,839
Do you think I might have
rabies now?
312
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:20,408
-Possible.
-Not now, Guillermo.
313
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:23,063
JEFF:
I just don't know how
it's my responsibility to pay
314
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:24,891
for both Internet and cable.
When you have a roommate,
315
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,675
you're supposed to kind of spliteverything down the middle.
316
00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:29,634
-This is a misery for my ears.
-I know, I just...
317
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:32,681
-Nice outfit, freak.
-[coughs] Goth sucks.
318
00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:34,988
You mustn't kill them, please.
319
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:38,905
-Oh, no, I wasn't gonna
do anything.
-Really? Huh.
320
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:41,995
Yeah. I... you know, I see a lotof this as a security guard,
321
00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:43,387
and the best way
to handle this...
322
00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:47,043
RECORDED VOICE:
Congratulations.
We have a winner!
323
00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:49,785
-What happened?-He was playing the game wrong.
324
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:54,485
I cannot believe how boring
Gregor has become.
325
00:13:54,529 --> 00:13:56,531
In every other past life,
he was so exhilarating.
326
00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:58,098
Such a maverick.
327
00:13:58,141 --> 00:13:59,882
You know,
when he was a washer woman,
328
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:03,103
he would pour dirty old
mop juice all over my body
329
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:05,105
and rub it into me
while he ravished me.
330
00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:07,281
-When he was a wild horse...
-[neighing]
331
00:14:07,324 --> 00:14:09,979
I rode him naked all throughout the countryside.
332
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:11,938
But this version of Gregor?
333
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,157
It is a boring disgrace.
334
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:18,074
And you know what? It's becausethey named him Jeps. Jeff.
335
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,250
Wow, you were really good
at ring toss.
336
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,296
-I had so much fun tonight.
-I cannot take this.
337
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:23,906
I cannot take how boring
you have become.
338
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:26,256
How are you supposed
to be a strong,
339
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,737
thrilling,
powerful warrior and lover
340
00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:30,391
with a name like Jeff?
341
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:32,175
It is like a weak ejaculation.
342
00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:34,134
-[whiny grunting]
-Okay.
343
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,613
-Jeff.
-Okay, all right, all right.
344
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:38,573
You know what?
You're being really rude to me
345
00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:41,750
and my Uncle Jeff,
but also Grandpa Jeff,
346
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:44,187
-and that's where
I draw the line.
-Go back.
347
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:45,797
Remember.
348
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:47,843
Remember who you are.
349
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,801
Ah...
350
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:58,419
[deep voice]:
I am standing
on the crest of a hill.
351
00:14:58,462 --> 00:15:01,117
Atop the Carpathian Mountains.
352
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:04,207
-I am victorious from battle.
-[armor clanking]
353
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:06,166
[grunts]
354
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:07,732
But I am punctured...
355
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:10,170
by many arrow.
356
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,215
Yet I survive.
357
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:15,175
I must survive...
358
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,960
to see my lover.
359
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,570
Nadja.
360
00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:23,052
Love... will get me through.
361
00:15:23,096 --> 00:15:26,751
Desire... will fuel my journey.
362
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:28,231
Oh, Gregor...
363
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:30,755
-it is you. [moans]
-Hark.
364
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:33,193
A rider approaches.
365
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:35,412
He is wielding a sword.
366
00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:37,240
It comes towards me,
367
00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:39,112
-aiming directly for my hea...
-[sword rings]
368
00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:41,157
Oh, next life.
369
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:44,944
Be down in a minute, sire.
370
00:15:46,206 --> 00:15:47,859
This mop...
371
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:51,776
It is as full of water
as I am desire.
372
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:52,995
-[moaning]
-I want to, but I mustn't.
373
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:55,215
-No, you can.
-No, he will hear.
374
00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:57,043
Just one little kiss
with our lips.
375
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,219
-He will be so angry.-Just stick our mouths together.
376
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:00,916
[moaning]
377
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,440
-[gasps] Oh, no, sir,
not my head.
-Next!
378
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,792
[snorts]
379
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:10,273
[hooves clopping]
380
00:16:10,317 --> 00:16:11,405
[snorts]
381
00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:15,235
[dogs barking, cats meowing]
382
00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:18,238
Silence, my four-legged friends.
383
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:21,241
I sense you are angry tonight.
384
00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:23,243
And with good reason.
385
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,027
For we have been imprisoned.
386
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:27,029
-[cat yowls]
-Yes, without trial.
387
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:30,685
Now is the time
to hoist our oars
388
00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:33,296
and row towards freedom.
389
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,037
Agreed?
390
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,083
-[cat yowls]
-Thank you.
391
00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:39,215
Now, I'm assuming
392
00:16:39,259 --> 00:16:43,437
that there is a cat
in the cage to my right.
393
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,482
-[yowls]
-Excellent.
394
00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:49,182
You will succumb
to my dark power,
395
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,836
and you will undo your latch
396
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,274
-and free me.
-[yowls]
397
00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:57,146
Loosen your latch and free me.
398
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,887
-KAREN: All right...
-Succumb... Shit.
399
00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:01,194
-Bat.
-Here you go.
400
00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:04,110
Over here.
You know your spot.
401
00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:05,894
There you go.
402
00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:08,244
Home, sweet home.
403
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:10,072
Be good.
404
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:12,118
All right. Night, fellas.
405
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:16,209
Woof, woof.
406
00:17:16,252 --> 00:17:19,081
-Nandor? Is that you?
-Yes.
407
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:22,128
I turned myself into a dog
to come and rescue you.
408
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:25,087
Hang on a second--
you turned yourself into a dog
409
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:28,177
-in a place that imprisons dogs?-I just thought I'd be
410
00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:29,439
a bit creative
and come and rescue you.
411
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,354
You don't want me to rescue you,I can go again.
412
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,139
And tell me how you do that.
413
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:34,357
You're locked in a fucking cage.
414
00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:35,967
Oh...
415
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:38,361
What's Nadja gonna say?
Where is she?
416
00:17:38,405 --> 00:17:40,146
Uh...
417
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:41,538
[Nadja laughing]
418
00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:44,150
-OFFICER: No! Stop!
-[Nadja whoops]
419
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:47,370
-Stop!
-My Gregor, yes!
420
00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:49,503
OFFICER:
Come on!
421
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,203
Hey, not-a-cop.
422
00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:57,163
[Nadja hisses]
423
00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,251
[grunting]
424
00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:01,123
Whoa, whoa. Holy shit.
425
00:18:08,391 --> 00:18:10,089
♪
426
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:24,842
-Yes.
-We have defeated time itself.
427
00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:26,279
We have been drawn together.
428
00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:28,368
-[moaning]
-Let's make love right now.
429
00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:30,413
-Right here?
-Yeah, here.
430
00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:33,155
Right here on the dirty ground
in this filthy parking lot.
431
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:35,201
Oh, I was hoping
you would say that.
432
00:18:35,244 --> 00:18:37,290
-Yeah.
-Oh...
-[cell phone ringing]
433
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,770
Oh, God. You want to get that?
Do you need to get that?
434
00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:41,337
Hello?
435
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:43,252
Hello, Guillermo.
436
00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:45,428
[scoffs]
Yeah, I see.
437
00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:47,300
He did what?
438
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:49,824
I'm... Okay, yeah. Yeah.
439
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:51,608
Yeah, yeah, okay. Bye-bye.
440
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:53,393
Bye. Okay. Yeah.
441
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:54,959
Sorry, I have to leave.
442
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,439
-Stay with me.
-I know.
443
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,441
Let's make animalistic,
freaky sex right now.
444
00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:00,791
No, but somebody else needs me
445
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:04,447
in a much less erotic way,but, you know, it is what it is.
446
00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:06,884
But I've died for you, Nadja.
I've seen it.
447
00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:08,973
These visions are enough
to drive a man to madness.
448
00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:11,019
Oh, it was only one time
you died for me.
449
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:12,325
The other times
were just accidents.
450
00:19:12,368 --> 00:19:14,022
A few hours ago,
my life was normal,
451
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:16,067
and now everything
I thought I knew was real
452
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:17,634
has turned out to be
an illusion.
453
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:19,419
I'm married with a husband.
Farewell.
454
00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:22,291
-[whooshing]
-No, no, Nadja. Nadja. Nadja!
455
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:25,425
[gasps]
456
00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:27,427
Oh, my God!
457
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:30,038
-[gasps] Nadja?!
-[rats squeaking]
458
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:32,475
COLIN:
And, like, I've also
noticed that some dogs
459
00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:33,868
are really, really big,
and other dogs
460
00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,348
-are really small...
-[thumping at window]
461
00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:36,349
Oh, thank God.
462
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:39,308
-[hisses]
-Sorry. Thank goodness.
463
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:41,223
-Laszlo and Nandor
are in cages inside.
-[Nadja sighs]
464
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,704
-[Colin droning]
-Please come in, ma'am.
465
00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:46,315
Thank you.
466
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,012
What is the code for your door?
467
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:50,058
1-2-3-4-5.
468
00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:53,017
-That's the code for the door?
-Uh-huh.
469
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:55,716
[sighs heavily]
Humans, I can't...
470
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,021
[dogs barking]
471
00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:58,675
Yay, it's Nadja.
472
00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:00,503
Hello, my darling.
What are you doing here?
473
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:03,158
-I've come to help you
out of the cage.
-Absolutely no need.
474
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,116
-Mr. Cat next door...
-[yowls]
475
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,902
...I was in the process
of hypnotizing him.
476
00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:09,469
I was moments away
from escaping.
477
00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:11,253
I don't know why
you bothered coming.
478
00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,300
Sh-Shit.
479
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:15,692
I've got to free
my fellow inmates.
480
00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:17,259
I made a gentleman's promise.
481
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:18,739
OFFICER:
Well, the suspect stated
482
00:20:18,782 --> 00:20:21,698
that he is an ancient warrior
who's been reborn anew,
483
00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:23,744
-et cetera, et cetera.
-JEFF [grunting]:
That's all the truth!
484
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:26,268
You can ask my ex--
we were together ages ago.
485
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,314
She turned into a pile of rats.
486
00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:30,316
Okay, buddy. I'll just ask
the pile of rats.
487
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,187
I am Gregor!
488
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,711
Victor of many battles.
489
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:37,410
I am cleaning lady!
490
00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:39,977
♪
491
00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:42,893
-[meows]
-Run and be free, my comrade.
492
00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:44,417
-What the fuck?
-[cats yowling, hissing]
493
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,462
-[cats yowling]
-[screaming]
494
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,206
Still no thank-you?
495
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,774
Release your claws,
you ungrateful bastards.
496
00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:57,821
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
497
00:21:39,863 --> 00:21:42,344
-[crickets chirping]
-[dogs barking]
498
00:21:43,737 --> 00:21:44,781
[exhales]
499
00:21:47,871 --> 00:21:50,352
[hissing, growling,
slurping]
500
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:53,137
-[earbuds: music playing]
-[gagging]
501
00:21:53,181 --> 00:21:54,487
-[music stops]
-[gags]
502
00:21:54,530 --> 00:21:57,011
ANNOUNCER:
What We Do in the Shadows.
503
00:21:57,054 --> 00:21:59,361
-All new Wednesdays
at 10:00 on FX.
-[gagging continues]
504
00:22:00,884 --> 00:22:02,799
MAN: Five, six, seven, eight.
505
00:22:02,843 --> 00:22:05,411
-He's a wonderful teacher.
-Boom-chicka-boom.
506
00:22:05,454 --> 00:22:07,238
Well, you have
taught him plenty.
507
00:22:07,282 --> 00:22:09,458
When do I find out
if I got the part or not?
508
00:22:09,502 --> 00:22:11,417
You got the part
when you walked in the door.
509
00:22:11,460 --> 00:22:12,766
ANNOUNCER: Fosse/Verdon.
510
00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:15,551
All new, Tuesday at 10:00,
only on FX.
511
00:22:17,597 --> 00:22:21,252
Okay, Tracy Cromwell.
What's your address
and date of birth?
512
00:22:21,296 --> 00:22:24,647
Mom. No one ever asks for it.
513
00:22:24,691 --> 00:22:25,866
I just...
514
00:22:29,826 --> 00:22:31,480
Slut bucket.
515
00:22:32,699 --> 00:22:34,178
ANNOUNCER: Better Things.
516
00:22:34,222 --> 00:22:36,093
All new
Thursdays at 10:00 on FX.
517
00:22:37,921 --> 00:22:39,401
[needle on record]
35205
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