All language subtitles for The Cheap Detective EN

What have we got?

Someone who's pretty good with a
silencer. There's four bodies in here.

Three of them as cold as yesterday's
toast. The last one's ready to pop up.

Take a look.

Shot clean as a whistle.
He was dead before he stopped talking.

Who's he calling?

Morgue.
We figure he saw the bullet coming.

Number two is in the elevator.

Whoever did it shoots fast.
He didn't even have time to fall down.

Never saw a dead witness that could
identify you. Where are the others?

Scrub woman on the third floor
and a guest in 306.

-Let's go.
-Three, please.

We'll walk.

Let's have a look, boys.

Bullet hit her spine.
We couldn't bend her.

Probably have to bury her like that.

Number four is in here.

They were really after him.
A drunk across the hall found him.

Talked for an hour when he noticed
he wasn't getting any answers.

-Who is he?
-Floyd Merkle.

Runs a two-bit detective agency
on Third and Bulldyke.

Partner's name is Lou Peckinpaugh.

Looks like a setup.

-Whose room was it?
-An Oriental. Checked in on Wednesday.

-Name was Wun Fat Ching.
-''Wun Fat Ching''?

Registered his hometown
as Pecan, China.

Peking.

No, Pecan. Like the nut.

No other leads except
one interesting fact.

His partner, Peckinpaugh, was having an
affair with Merkle's wife, Georgia...

...for the past nine years.
Merkle never caught on.

Hell of a detective. I wouldn't hire
him to find warts on a frog.

Lieutenant, found two more
stiffs next door.

Everybody checks out at the same time.

Elderly couple.
Moved in last night.

They must have heard everything
that went on in the next room.

If they had a radio to listen to,
those two kids would be alive today.

Let's pay a visit...

...to the widow, Merkle.

Lou, it's Georgia.

Oh, hello, Georgia.
I just had you on my mind.

What's new, kid?

Floyd is dead.

Say that again?

-Lou, it's Georgia.
-No, after that.

Floyd is dead. Shot in Chinatown.

I talked to the police, Lou. I think
they know about us having an affair.

When did they leave?

They didn't. They're standing
right next to me now, listening.

-Oh, Jesus!
-I loved him, Lou.

You know I loved Floyd.

I know, angel.

Almost as much as I love you.

You killed him because you're
crazy about me, didn't you?

Did the cops hear that?

They said yes.

Don't call me anymore, Georgia.
We're not good for each other.

Mr. Peckinpaugh?

I think I have some information
regarding the untimely death...

...of your late, deceased,
murdered partner.

Who is this?

As the Chinese say, ''Never mind.''

We must be careful.
I'm being watched.

Can we meet in your office
in 1 5 minutes?

All right. What time is it now?

I'd rather not tell you
until I know I can trust you.

-Should I keep the change?
-No, I'll keep the change.

Give me homicide.

Never mind.

I'm sorry.

I must have dropped off.

Glad you spoke up. I was gonna
arrange to have you buried.

I haven't had much sleep lately.
I've been under a great strain.

I don't suppose you'd have a drink?

Dry martini?

Olive or onion?

Onion, please.

Thank you.

You're the first person to show me any
kindness since I got to San Francisco.

And when was that, Mrs...?

Manderley. Denise Manderley.

Two days ago from Shanghai.

May I have my things, please?

You're not a U.S. citizen?

I spend a great deal
of my time abroad.

Actually, I travel
under a Danish passport.

The signature's been tampered with.
Your name isn't Manderley.

No. It's Wanda Coleman.

Why does your driver's license
say Gilda Dabney?

I believe my life's in danger, that's
why I've taken so many precautions.

My real name is Chloe LaMarr.

Thank you, Miss LaMarr.
I appreciate your honesty.

Can you tell me why you let
yourself in to search my office?

What were you looking for?

-To be frank, your bathroom.
-I don't have any.

Yes. I found that out
a little too late.

Can we stop playing games now?

It isn't Manderley or Coleman
or Dabney or even LaMarr, is it?

The initials on this
handkerchief are A.P.

-What does A.P. stand for?
-Alma Chalmers.

Chalmers begins with a ''C.''
This is a ''P.''

Palmers. Alma Palmers.

Give me the runaround one more time,
and I'll slap you around this office.

I don't care! Just make one up
so I know what to call you.

Vivian Purcell.

-Good.
-Carmen Montenegro.

That's my last one, I promise.

Don't be cross with me,
Mr. Peckinpaugh.

I depend on the gentleness
and understanding of strangers.

-You know about Merkle's death?
-Why should I?

You called me telling me
you knew something.

A woman knows many things.

About Merkle's death?

I don't think so.
Why would a woman know that?

Why did you call me?

Could I have a little air?
I'm feeling rather dizzy.

Is that any better?

Yes, thank you.

I'm afraid I got sick all over
your filing room in there.

That's my clothes closet,
but don't worry about it. Go on.

I have a niece, Caroline. She's 1 7.

Attends boarding school
at the Hail Mary...

...Sister Therese Convent and Kennels.

''Kennels''? Isn't that for dogs?

None of the girls were very pretty.

Two weeks ago, she climbed over
the wall and disappeared.

She has not been heard from since.

I hired Mr. Merkle to find her, and he
called tonight saying he had a lead.

That's not much to go on,
but I'll do the best I can.

For the fee, I'll settle
for what you owe Merkle.

I'm sorry I went pookie-pookie
on your coat.

It's all right. It's all part
of this dirty game.

You must be tired.
Why don't you run along now...

...and I'll call you as soon
as I get something.

I've moved to the Fairmont,
and I'm registered as Diane Glucksman.

Well, don't change it because it
makes it hard to leave messages.

Sorry, no tip. War veteran.

I thought I told you to stay away.

Don't be angry with me, Lou.
I had to see you.

They brought Floyd's body home.

I couldn't sleep in the same
bed with him, not tonight.

Your husband's dead an hour, and
you're already dressed in black?

-How long you had that outfit?
-You're wrong. I just bought it.

There's an all-night widow
shop at Fifth and Geary.

-Aren't you gonna kiss me?
-You shouldn't be here.

The police already think I killed
Floyd to clear the way for us.

-You sure the police didn't follow you?
-Positive.

They came with me.

This is definitely
our last date, Georgia.

Mind answering
some questions downtown?

We are downtown.

Then this'll be fine.

Floyd Merkle was killed at
1 0:1 7 tonight. Where were you?

I was home in bed.

I got up around 1 0:1 5,
and I went into the john.

I got out around 1 0:20.

-Anybody see you go in the bathroom?
-Yeah, seven or eight people.

They came in to watch me
one at a time.

I got their names and addresses
written on a pad.

Don't press your luck, shamus.

-Get him off my back.
-Get off his back.

What did you and Merkle
argue about Monday night?

It's all right.
Tell them, darling.

Don't call me darling in front of
the police with a dead husband.

I didn't like that he was taking on
clients without telling me.

That's what I told them, Lou.
I didn't mention anything...

...about him finding us
in the gorilla costumes.

Why don't you go in the kitchen
and bake some doughnuts?

What case was Floyd working on?

-Why don't you ask him yourself?
-Because he's dead.

Well, you two should have
a nice conversation.

I'm warning you,
withhold anything from me...

...and you'll be painting
the Golden Gate Bridge...

...with your tongue.

You're going out
on that case, aren't you?

Lou, come away with me tonight.

We'll go where the fog
never rolls in...

...and a man can see what a woman
looks like in the morning.

Being a private eye may not be much,
but we do have a code of honor.

It's okay to fool around
with your partner's wife.

But once he's dead,
it makes it dirty.

That's the way it is, angel.

You marry yourself a nice guy,
have a couple of swell kids.

Once you're all set up and happy,
maybe we can fool around again.

Guys like you
all end up the same, Lou.

You're so busy chasing after
runaway girls and missing husbands...

...you never stop long enough to
find out what life is really all about.

One day, I'll see your
picture in the papers...

...laying in a gutter with a
bullet hole in your back...

...and a horse making doo-doo on you.
Maybe I'll cry for you...

...but don't hold your breath.

You need any dough, kid?

I'm okay. I got $1 0,000
insurance money.

An hour after the murder?

It's that company that
pays on the spot.

So long, Lou.

It was nice cheating with you.

Don't hang up.

-I didn't even say hello.
-I know where the girl is.

Keep talking.

Oh, so now you're interested, eh?

-Who is this?
-Not on the phone.

Meet me at Nix Place on the
waterfront in half an hour.

How will I know you?

I'm swarthy and greasy
and wear cheap perfume.

You'll smell me when you come in.

Suppose I'm not interested?

Does $500 interest you?

Very much.

Then bring it. It's an
expensive restaurant.

You're expected, Mr. Peckinpaugh.
This way, please.

Your party will join you in a moment.

Hiya, Mr. Lou.

You said you'd
never come back to--

But I did. Hello, Tinker.
Has she ever--

No, she hasn't.

Right.

Want me to play--?

-No.
-Right.

Colonel Schlissel...

...you do my cafe a great honor.

Your club reminds me of the fighting
strength of the French army, Marcel.

Nothing more than
an evening's diversion.

You make a little joke, monsieur.

If you and your two friends
will follow me...

...I will show you to your usual,
world-dominating table.

Now, ladies and gentlemen...

...let's have a big San Francisco
welcome for Miss Betty DeBoop!

Now everybody!

Now just the boys!

Now just the girls!

Now just me.

Hello, Fred.
I was hoping you'd drop by.

The name is Lou, and we've never met.

Let's not get into a sweat
about details.

Aren't you gonna light my fire?

Certainly.

I was just looking over
your kindling wood.

If you're not busy, Fred,
I get off at 2.

Don't you think 2 is
a good time to get off on?

Gentlemen, may I present Miss
Betty DeBoop from the islands?

Caribbean or Virgin?

Well, let's just say
I came back a Caribbean!

How delightfully gauche.

I've always been enchanted
with a lack of breeding.

Let me introduce myself. I'm Colonel
Prince Count Baron von Schlisseldorf...

...German military attache
to Cincinnati.

Don't crack your shins
on my account, boys.

Your party will see you now.
He's in booth seven.

-The French Underground just called.
-Quiet, you fool!

There are enemy ears all over.
Lower your voice!

What is it?

Now it's too low.
I didn't hear anything.

-Testing. One. Two.
-That's better. Now what is it?

DuChard and his wife are
on their way here.

I tried to stop them,
but I was too late.

That's why Schlissel comes every night,
hoping to get his hands on DuChard.

I don't think that's completely true.

I think he really likes
the roast veal.

Please do come in, Mr. Peckinpaugh.

Pepe Damascus, at your disposal.

I hope my disgustingly cheap perfume
does not offend you.

I purposefully stink to keep
my enemies from getting too close.

Well, they're better off
than your friends are.

-You said you knew where the girl is.
-I do know where the girl is.

You're very impatient,
Mr. Peckinpaugh.

Care for some Greek Kasseri?

Quit stalling. You got
something to say, talk fast.

There is no niece Caroline or Priscilla
or whatever Mrs. Danvers told you.

She also didn't tell me
it was Mrs. Danvers.

It was she who hired your partner
to search for a certain...

...missing object d'art.

Talk faster. I can't take
much more of your voice.

Perhaps she killed Mr. Merkle in fear
that he would double-cross her.

A dangerous woman?

Does oatmeal have lumps?

In Cairo, she put a live electric
wire in my bathtub.

Fortunately, I survived...

...but I used to
have straight hair.

Am I right in assuming
that you want me to work for you?

Precisely. Help me find...

...the missing object, and I shall
split a fortune with you, 50-50.

Shall we shake on it?

If we do, I want 60-40.

How do you stand yourself?

It isn't easy.

No hotel will take me
for the entire night.

Pardon, monsieur.

Yes?

I have a message for Mr. Damascus.
Will you give it to him?

What is it?

Mr. B has arrived in San Francisco
from Jerusalem.

He's staying at the Crusades Hotel.

-I'll give it to him.
-Thank you.

And here's a dollar for your trouble.

So at last he's arrived.

Who's this Mr. B?

Jasper Blubber.

An insidiously dangerous tub of lard.

We must move quickly.

And what is this thing
that you're all after anyway?

Curiosity killed the puddycat.

Pass the buck, please.

Thank you.

If you have to get in touch with me,
I'll be at the Biltmore Hotel...

...until 2:30 a.m.

Then they make me move
to the Stratford Arms.

If you bathe with turpentine,
you'll be fine in the morning.

Taxi!

Paul, are you sure
we ought to be here?

There is nothing to worry about,
my dear. We're in England now.

No, Paul. This is America.

Oh, yes. America.

We should've gone to a doctor, Paul.

I'm not sure I got all
that bullet out of your head.

Oh, cherie, it doesn't matter.

It's the thought that counts.

-I beg your pardon.
-No, it's my fault.

All right.

Oh, Madame DuChard!

Paul, it's so good to see you!

I tried to stop you both from coming.

Paul, you must leave at once.

Colonel Schlissel of the Cincinnati
Gestapo is here.

So the Black Fox has followed me
from France, huh?

I am safe as long as I stay
here in San Francisco.

He knows you intend to open
a French restaurant in Oakland.

If you step on the Oakland Bridge,
your life isn't worth two francs.

Marcel, I haven't come this far
to be stopped now.

We must open a two-star
French restaurant in Oakland...

...where all free Frenchmen can gather
around the radio to listen to the war.

Paul is an obstinate man.

Even with a bullet in it,
his mind is made up.

What about the documents?

Your papers of ownership and the liquor
license are to be delivered...

...by a courier here tonight.

Marcel, France owes you a great debt.

It's about 1 500 francs,
but we can settle later.

What a pleasant surprise,
Monsieur DuChard.

So the Black Fox and
the Silver Wolf meet again.

And of course you remember the
Gray Rabbit and the Blue Chipmunk.

May I present my wife, Marlene?

The White Swan.

Of course.

It is the most courageous of men
who win the most beautiful women.

But it is only the ruthless
who get to keep them.

And it is 1 000 candles that
will burn for every brave soldier...

...that marches to the steps
of the drums of liberty...

...so that tyranny won't trample the
spirit of freedom in men's hearts...

...throughout a world thrown
into darkness and despair.

Well spoken.

Whatever it means.

May I present Miss DeBoop?

Like yourself, a well-built exile.

Hi, honey.
Don't let the heinie get you down.

It is despots and tyrants
who run our rivers red...

...with the colors of
a hundred trampled flags...

...that unfurl in the winds of liberty,
blowing over centuries of deprivation--

It's all right.
We've made our point.

--where men who've known
treachery and treason...

...can still light torches
in the caves of honor.

We'll have a drink and see the show.
It'll calm you down.

There, gentlemen,
goes a brave, beautiful...

...and extremely boring woman.

Do you like chocolate, my dear?

I can get you German chocolate bars,
much better than Hershey's.

May I help you?

What is it, darling?
You look as if you've seen a ghost.

No, Paul.
Just someone I used to know.

-Would you excuse me?
-Of course.

Hello, Tinker. How have you been?

I don't know no other song, ma'am.
Only one I know.

''One-Song Tinker,'' that's me.

You haven't forgotten it, Tinker.

You could never forget it.

I can't play it, ma'am,
without the music.

You see, I'm a piano man
that needs his music.

Here, take mine.

Hello, Marlene.

Long time, no see.

Hello, Louis.

No see in long time.

How long has it been?

A lot of water has passed
under the bridge.

I got married, and I'm trying
to run an underground.

Why didn't you say you like heroes?
I would've...

...helped an old lady
across the street.

I swallowed my gum.

You made me swallow my gum.

Anything wrong?

No. It's my mistake, sir.

I thought that this young lady
was a girl that I knew in France.

I was wrong.

The girl I know is dead.

A natural error, monsieur.

My wife has been mistaken
for dead girls by many men.

Paul, the courier is here
with the documents.

Let's go.

May I have your attention, please!

From the BBC in London:

The First German Panzer Division...

...has entered the
rue de Castiglione.

Paris has fallen!

Paris!

I cannot believe it.

Maybe it's a different Paris.

I don't think so.
There's only one Paris.

When the deep purple falls

Over sleepy garden walls

And the stars begin to flicker

In the sky

Jeepers creepers

Where'd you get them peepers?

Jeepers creepers

Where'd you get them eyes?

I told you not to play that song.

I'm sorry, Mr. Lou.
I told her you wouldn't like it.

-Monsieur, everything is in order.
-Not here, you fool!

Give him the papers in the toilet.

-Where are you going?
-In the toilet for the papers.

I must have been crazy falling for a
dame that would wear a hat like that.

Come on,
let's get out of here.

Strike up the band.

-What happened?
-There was a fight.

The Germans took the documents.

-Your hand...?
-Yes. They slammed the seat on it.

But the gunshots!
I thought you were....

No, madame. It was us.

Busboy, clean this table.

Without the papers,
we're prisoners here.

Paul, what will we do?

I don't know, my dear.
I don't know.

Sorry about Paris, folks.

Sorry.

Perhaps there is the one man
in San Francisco who can help us.

Of all the cheap gin joints
in the world...

...I pick this one.

It's your nickel.

I'd like Mr. Peckinpaugh, please.

Who wouldn't?

Mr. Peckinpaugh, I believe you
had the distinct pleasure...

...of meeting Mr. Damascus last night.

-Who is this?
-Jasper Blubber.

Blubber, huh?

Yeah, he mentioned you.

Would it be possible to meet you today
to discuss the missing item...

...shall we say, so to speak,
if you will?

Sure. Why not, by your leave.

Twelve noon at the bar
of the Crusades Hotel.

How will I recognize you?

You'll have no trouble there, sir.
I'm an extra-large man.

I'll be sitting on the first
two stools as you come in.

Who is it?

Marcel from the club.

And Paul DuChard, the hero.

I'm sorry. I thought you were alone.

I tried it that way.
It's not as much fun alone.

What can I do for you boys?

Mr. Peckinpaugh...

...last night certain documents
belonging to me were stolen.

I need a man with skill and daring
to get those papers back...

...for me and for France.

You can pay, of course?

Monsieur, we....

We're not wealthy people.

We lost over 4 million
francs betting on the war.

Who'd you have?

We took France at 8-to-5.

They suckered you.

I have this golden watch.

It was given to me by
the President of the Republic.

It is very valuable...

...and it plays a lovely little tune.

It's yours if you'll help us.

Mimi

You funny little
Good-for-nothing, Mimi

Am I the guy?

Mimi

You got anything in a rumba?
I like rumbas.

Do we?

Too bad.

Sorry, boys, but this
is not a pawnshop.

I'm using rented bullets for my gun.

We all got problems.

Monsieur, perhaps when America
is confronted with war...

...you will think differently.

Thank God I think as a Frenchman.

-Vive la France!
-Vive la Republique!

Hooray for Hollywood!

I like the way you
handle yourself, Fred.

I do all right.

Here, take this.

And if you thank me for it,
so help me, I'm gonna slug you.

What is it?

A ticket to Africa.

A girl with your voice has got no
place singing in a dump like America.

You just can't take it when someone
like me gets too close, can you?

My friend's got a little club on
the lvory Coast. He's a good Joe...

...but he's got a touch of leprosy.

Just don't shake his hand too hard.

See you around, Slinky.

Well, that's the way it goes.

But if you ever get lonely, Fred,
you just call me.

You know how to dial, don't you?

Just put your finger
in the little round hole.

I'll write it down.

What do you say, kid?
No school today?

Keep riding me, Mac. They'll bury you
in 42 different cemeteries.

Cranky, aren't you?

That happens when your
second teeth start coming in.

Blubber?

Who you calling ''Blubber''?

Over here, Mr. Peckinpaugh.

I am Jasper Blubber.

What a relief.

I was afraid I'd have to page you.
They would've beat my brains in.

You drink of course?

Why not?

One Gin Sling.

I'd rather have a brandy.

One Gin Sling is the waiter.

One brandy, One Gin Sling.

Now, sir...

...let's not waste your time.
Let's get down to business.

What arrangements have you made
with the woman?

Which woman?

The one who came to your office
last night. Natasha Ublenskaya!

Good. I thought you was talking
about somebody else.

Yes, she apparently has information
regarding my partner's murderer.

She and Damascus are after
the same thing. And so are you...

...unless I miss my guess.

Your reputation is not
unwarranted, sir.

Drink up, and I'll tell you
an astounding story.

This is a gin sling.

It is?

I was wrong.
The waiter's name is Brandy.

Now, sir, in 1 853...

...a little-known historical
fact occurred.

Twelve Albanian fishermen...

...conquered China,
Tibet and Mongolia.

My goodness, I didn't know that.

That's because you didn't take
history in Albania.

Now, eventually,
the men returned home...

...with the richest spoils of war
ever documented.

Each man had a 760-carat diamond...

...the size and shape of a large
brown AA New Jersey egg.

Each diamond egg...

...is worth in excess of a quarter
of a million dollars.

I believe you, sir. Go on.

They turned up in Paris in 1 924.

A clever designer had strung
all 1 2 eggs together...

...and sold it as a necklace
for a wealthy, overweight woman...

...who was trying to conceal
a double chin.

That woman was murdered,
and the diamonds disappeared.

End of story?

The beginning for me, sir.

The murderer was a Romanian sailor...

...by the name of
Vladimir Tserijemiwtz.

-Can you say that again?
-Not without spitting.

Well, sir...

...I have spent 1 6 years
and every penny I have, sir...

...tracking this man down.
And at last I have found him.

He is here in San Francisco,
just as sure as you're sitting there.

He's changed his name by making
an anagram out of his original name.

For seven years, I've tried
to unscramble it, to no avail.

Do you mind if I look at that?

Don't waste your time, sir.

I've had well-paid experts
give up on it.

Once I find him, the rest is academic.

Of course.

Do you mind if I take these?

Not at all.

I'm afraid our meeting
has come to an end, sir.

We should leave separately.
It makes more sense if I go first.

Why is that?

Then I don't get stuck with the check.

Yes?

I know you did, Mrs. Merkle.

Mr. Peckinpaugh?

No, he hasn't come in yet.

You have a visitor in there,
a Miss Sophie DeVega.

-Pretty?
-Prettier than me, but I'm easier.

I'm saving you for the rainy season.

Yes, Mrs. Merkle,
I'll tell him you called.

I will. I promise. I swear.

Oh, yeah.

You're good at crosswords.
Try your hand at an anagram.

See if you find a name
that makes sense out of this.

And if you find it
in the Frisco phone book...

...your rainy season may be tonight.

-Miss DeVega, I presume?
-Mr. Peckinpaugh?

-You look startled.
-No, no.

It's just that you look like...

...1 4 other dames that
was here the other night.

Yes, I know.

They were my sister.

Well, that explains the resemblance.

Not to me. She was adopted.

Yeah, well, so am I...

...but I don't look
like your sister either.

What can I do for you?

I want you to find someone for me.

I'm looking for my....

I'm sorry. It's just so hard
for me to say it.

I would like for you to find
my husband--

My father.

-Husband.
-Make up your mind.

Which one do you want?

Both.

They are the same man,
Mr. Peckinpaugh.

You mean you married your own father?

It's not like you think. It was a
simple wedding, done very tastefully.

I'm sure it was.

-lf you could just give me his name.
-Vladimir Tserijemiwtz.

Vladimir Tserijemiwtz.

How do you spell that?

I'm not sure.

Well, we were never that close.

Well, that's understandable.

Leave everything in my hands, and I'll
get in touch with you in a few days.

Do you have any money?

Well, Daddy left a $1 0,000
trust fund for each of us girls...

...but as his wife, I can't touch it.

Well, here's $20.

Now go to a beauty parlor and get that
cheap dye washed out of your hair.

When you're ready to tell me
the truth, Mrs. Montenegro, call me.

I'm getting tired of playing ''Guess
What the Fruitcake's Name is Today.''

You're still sore about me
upchucking on your trench coat?

You're good, baby,
but you're not that good.

I know who you're looking for
and why you want to find him.

Don't call me for three days.
And when you do, use your real name.

By the way, what is it?

Mary Jones. I swear it, Lou.

Well, change it. It sounds phony.

Right, I'll tell him.

Lou, your landlady...

...Mrs. O'Brien, says someone's
broken into your apartment.

She says they're still there.

That's good. That means I'm making
a lot of people nervous.

Including Mrs. O'Brien!

Well, lookie here.
If it isn't Mrs. DuChard herself.

I expected a housebreaker.
Instead I found a heartbreaker.

Louis, don't.

Wearing the dress I bought
you for Bastille Day...

...in that shop near the cafe...

...where we had turtle soup
and coffee every day.

-And the waiter's name was Sheldon.
-Louis, don't.

Do you still go dancing
in that smoky little club...

...where the men and women
use the same john?

Don't, Louis!

Moving your body next to his,
slowly around the room.

Don't say those things to me, Louis.

Dancing closer to the bandstand
so you can hear the music...

...and singing into his ear:

Hi-ho, hi-ho
It's off to work we go

Stop it, Louis! Stop it!

Do you think I have no feelings?

No memories?

Did you think my heart
didn't stop last night...

...when I saw you standing there?

I almost forgot what you looked like.

Day by day, I erased
your face from my mind...

...little by little,
till all I had left...

...was your right ear
and three front, bottom teeth.

I still carry your picture
in my locket.

Naturally, I had to cut off your
head in case Paul found it.

Suddenly, it all seems
as though it was yesterday.

I stood in that train station.
I waited for you for over six hours.

Then when your letter came,
it started to rain...

...and I opened it, and the ink
ran all over the page.

My most important letter...

...I still don't know
what in the hell it said.

It said, ''Dear Louis:

I love you more than life itself.

But to run off with you now
that my country is in danger...

...would be an act of cowardice.

I'm marrying Paul DuChard because--''

And that's all I can remember.

You can't remember
why you married him?

That letter was written
a long time ago.

I've written thousands
of letters since.

What's the difference?
What's done is done.

Can't remember why she married him.

I must have gone through
eight liquor stores.

Don't you have a copy of the letter?
Don't you keep copies?

I keep only what's in my heart...

...and you've never left it.

Did you ever stop to worry that
I might have killed myself over you?

And if you had, it would have been
easier than what I went through.

Sleeping night after night with
a man I didn't really love.

Feeling his hands on my skin.

Watching me undress.

Taking baths and showers with me.

Making me wear all sorts of--

All right, I got the picture!
I heard it!

Let's go on to something new.

I want to come back, Louis.

I want to start over.

To pick up the pieces
of our broken lives.

I want to be with you, to love you...

...to take care of you.

Just like that, huh?

Well...

...I would like to
redecorate this room.

I don't like this chair very much.

You mean it? You and me,
just the way it was?

Not the way it was. Better.

How could it be better than it was?

I know so much more, Louis.
Paul has taught me so much--

I don't want to hear about it.
Let's keep it the way it was.

All right.

The way it was.

Do you have any champagne?

I still got the bottle I was
saving for our honeymoon.

I got the bread and cheese too,
but they're as hard as a rock.

I'll be right back.

I'm as happy as a schoolboy.

Hi-ho, hi-ho
It's off to work we go

Need any help, Fred?

What are you doing here?

I missed my boat.

It doesn't sail till tomorrow.

So I missed it a little early.

You can't stay here.

I'm busy picking up
the pieces of my life.

If it's just a piece you want, Fred,
you can pick it up right here.

I want you out of here.

I'll get her into the bathroom.
That will be your signal to go.

Sometimes it doesn't pay
to treat a dame like you nice.

You'll be back.

-What makes you think so?
-You forgot the glasses.

This chair looks much better
over here. Don't you think so?

Oh, Louis, I can't wait
to give my first party.

Here's to us, kid.

And the way it was.

And here's to love...

...and thanking you for stealing
the papers from Colonel Schlissel...

...and then seeing that Paul
is safely out of San Francisco.

Is it something I said?

So that's it!

That's why you came up here tonight...

...with your bedroom eyes...

...and your dining room lips.

Playing me for a sap, and all
the while you were just using me...

...to get your French-fried
husband out of the fat.

You don't give a hill of beans
about me, do you?

That's not true, Louis.
I do give a hill.

Come in.

No, that was me.

Excuse me.

I think I need a couple of aspirin.

Who is she, Lou?
I want to know who she is.

-What are you doing here?
-You said you'd call me.

Why didn't you call, Lou?

I missed the funeral because
I didn't wanna leave the phone.

You didn't bring the cops
again, did you?

I had him cremated.

This is all that's left of him.

Look!

I always thought of him
as a bigger man.

Here, Lou.

Don't do that, Georgia.

But it's for you.

You keep him.
He was your partner.

He was your husband.
He belongs on your mantelpiece.

I don't want him.
I want you.

Oh, God! I'm so crazy about you!

Watch it!
You're spilling Floyd!

Take me away, Lou!

Take me away, or I'll tell the cops
how you and Floyd fought over me.

It wouldn't take much to pin
his murder on you.

Can we talk about this in a few
seconds? I have company.

-Are you coming back?
-I'm in here a lot.

Hurry.

Screw Floyd back on.

I'm leaving, Louis.

It was wrong of me to come here
and try to resurrect the past.

What was, was...

...and will never be was again.

Wait!

I lost you once.
I'm not gonna lose you again.

Somehow I'll get
those papers from Schlissel.

You and your husband meet me
at the Oakland Ferry at 1 2:00.

On the boat, I give him the papers,
and you give him the air.

There's no turning back now, angel.

And then it's you and me,
just the way it was.

Only better.

I told you, I don't want it better!

Now get out of here.
I got work to do.

Tell me, Louis.

All those years you waited for me...

-...was there ever another girl?
-Never.

Lou, I came as fast as I could.

I see.

Did I ever tell you about...

...Paul and I
skinny-dipping on the Riviera?

Don't tell me those things.

It's not what you think.
She's my secretary.

I'll see you at the ferry.

All right.

I'll bring along some wallpapers
for you to pick out.

I'm sorry, Lou, but I did it!
I unscrambled the name.

Good girl.

Wait there.
I'll be right back.

Come here.

Maybe you're right, Slinky.

Maybe you and I are one of a kind.

I'm leaving here tomorrow night
and taking you with me.

But I want you to do
something for me first.

I love it when you give me orders.

Arrange to get Schlissel
into the club tonight.

Five will get you 1 0, he's
got DuChard's papers with him.

I need those papers, angel.
And I need them bad.

-You want me to--
-Don't tell me how you'll do it.

What I don't know won't hurt me.

I'll see you tomorrow night at
the Oakland Ferry at 1 2:00.

You're a good Joe.

And then it's a slow boat
to China for you and me, kid.

Now get out of here.
I got work to do.

Don't wear yourself out.
I'm saving that for me.

I'll see you tomorrow, Fred.

Fred?

What do you got?

Here it is, Lou. And wait'll
you hear who it turns out to be!

Hold it a second.

I'll be right with you.

I tripped on the mat.
I couldn't help it.

He's in there.

That's Floyd, Lou!

All right, get ahold of yourself.

No point crying over spilt husbands.

Take it easy.

I guess this is the wrong time
to say a prayer.

Now I have no one.

Only you.

And if I can't have you...

...no one will.

Are you crazy?

Give me that gun!

Oh, God! We shot Floyd again!

All right.

All right.

Easy, easy.

He's past all that now.

I don't wanna hear any more nonsense...

...about you trying to pin
Floyd's murder on me.

I won't, Lou.

As long as I know we'll be together.

Of course we will, angel.

Only we're gonna get out
of San Francisco.

Now, you bring all them letters
I wrote you...

...and meet me tomorrow night at
the Oakland Ferry at 1 2:00.

-You got that?
-Anything you say, darling.

That's a good girl.

Now grab a cab,
and get a good night's sleep.

You know I'd do anything for you, Lou.

-Hello, Miss Duffy.
-Hello, Mrs. Merkle.

I'm awfully sorry
I couldn't be at the funeral.

We'll all miss him.

But Floyd is in his
final resting place now.

Or soon will be.

All right, come on in.

I can wait if there's more.

Sit down.

-Let's hear what you got.
-Hold on to your hat.

Vladimir Tserijemiwtz...

...is Ezra C.V. Mildew Dezire Jr.

Wait a minute.

Tserijemiwtz is two ''T's.'' The name
you come up with don't have none.

That was the whole key.

Some people spell
the Czar of Russia ''T-S-A-R.''

But in America, we spell it ''C-Z-A-R.''

Any fool knows that.

So when I tried the American
spelling, I came up with...

...Ezra C.V. Mildew Dezire Jr.

Of course.

Who the hell is he?

-The owner of the Golden Gate Bridge.
-Right.

You did fine, angel.

Now forget you ever heard that name.

Don't ever repeat it to anyone.

Yes, he is.
Who's calling, please?

It's him!
Ezra C.V. Mildew Dezire Jr.

I told you not to repeat it!

Yes.

Yes, Mr. Dezire.

Ten o'clock tomorrow morning,
your place.

Yes, I know where that is.
Where the rich people live.

Not at all.
It's my pleasure, sir.

He wants to see me.

All the pieces are beginning
to fall into place, angel.

And I got you to thank for it, kid.

Go ahead and thank me, Lou.
Thank me here, now.

You don't know how long I've waited
for a really good thank.

Are you telling me that--?

Yes. I know I look like
I've been around...

...but I've never been thanked
in my whole life.

You sweet, silly kid.

Why haven't I ever
noticed you before?

Who is it?

Lady Edwina Morgan St. Paul.

It's that crazy Mrs. Montenegro.

Sorry, angel.

I'm gonna have to give you
that thank some other time.

I knew there'd be one more.

Good night, kid.

Good night, Lou.

Hello.

Certainly.

No tip.
Death in the family.

I wish it was you!

I'm Lou Peckinpaugh. I have
an appointment with Mr. Dezire.

Well, I suppose that's his business.

Wait in here, please.

Mind if I smoke?

If it were my house, yes.

See anything you like?

I'm Jezebel Dezire.

Accent on the Dezire.

How do you do?

I'm Peck Loukinpaugh.

Don't worry.
I do that to everyone.

Even to myself.

Ezra just got up from his nap.

It takes a while to get
his motor started.

You may go now, Beatrice.

Ma'am.

How do you do, sir?

I'm Lou Peckinpaugh.

What's he saying?

You're pumping too much
blood to his head.

Sorry.

Are you all right, dear?

Oh, good.

Would Daddy like to swim tonight?

Would he?

Your father called last night.
He said he needed my services.

Oh, he's not my father.
The old coot's my husband.

I'm sorry.

You can imagine how I feel.

I am so grateful...

...you're going to help my husband.

He needs all he can get.

It's chilly in here, darling.

Wouldn't you like to sit near
the nice, cozy fire?

Sure you would.

Here we go!

What a butterfingers I am!

Nice catch, Mr. Peckinpaugh.

I was almost a widow.

Won't you join me
in a little drinky?

What's your pleasure?

What you got there looks good.

I know, but I thought you'd
like a little drink first.

Very gracious.

I've been over your bridge many times.

You certainly have a nice location.
Right over the water and everything.

Would you like anything to nibble on?

No, no. I don't...

...nibble on the job, thank you.

Just how did you folks pick me?

From the phone book.
I liked the sound of your name.

Peckinpaugh. Know what I mean?

I think everyone knows what you mean.

You got a nicely built house, sir.

Like a brick shingle.

Why don't you pull up a sofa
and sit down?

Thank you.

You said on the phone last night...

...that you thought that I could be
of some service to you.

Just how good is your service?

I try to satisfy.

Do you charge by the hour
or by the satisfaction?

By the results.

I take it the old boy
don't hear too good.

He hears everything we're saying.

Oh, really?

How you doing, old-timer?

Forget him. Otherwise he'll want
to come everywhere with us.

Look, Mrs. Dezire, you're
a very attractive woman...

...but I'm here on business.

Now why did he call me last night?

He thinks I'm cheating on him.

He wants you to find out
who the man is.

Some of my jewelry is missing,
and Ezra thinks I gave it to my lover.

Did you give it to him?

Everything but my jewelry.

What kind of jewelry is missing?

Nothing important.
Just a few trinkets and burbles.

Trinkets and what?

Burbles.
You know, like burbles and bangles.

The word you're looking for,
Mrs. Dezire, is ''baubles.''

If you were American,
you would know that.

But the fact is, it's only Romanians
that pronounce it ''burbles.''

And that's why it's difficult
for you, isn't it...

...Mrs. Vladimir Tserijemiwtz?

I told you we would not
get away with it!

I told you it was stupid idea!

I told you I could not say ''baubles.''

You are pretty fast on your
tippy-toes, Mr. Pockinbush.

But not quite tippy-toe enough.

Yes, Mr. Peckinpaugh...

...it's very clever how you figured
out that I am Vladimir--

It's been so long,
I forgot how to pronounce it.

How's it go?

Tserijemiwtz.

Permit me to introduce
my oversexed wife.

The former Nadia Gladdia Poppenescu.

Nice to meet you.

Anytime, anywhere.

Perhaps you've guessed...

...that the Albanian diamond eggs were
stolen from my safe last night.

Up.

Since you're the only man who can
recognize me...

...I must sadly bring this meeting
and your life to a close.

Goodbye-chik.

So long-ski.

Knocking me off isn't gonna find out
who took your diamonds.

I already know who took the diamonds.

I killed the fat woman in Paris
and stole the diamonds.

But I had a partner.
So we came to an arrangement.

I got to keep the diamonds...

...and he got to keep a bullet
from me in his chest.

I always heard you Romanians were
hotheaded.

It's just the Gypsy in our soul.

Unfortunately, he did not die.

I left him bleeding on the rug...

...vowing that he would get even
with me one day.

But that was 1 0 years ago.

He can't last much longer.

But then again, neither can you.

Toodle-looski.

Gotcha!

No, I think they got you.

Look at that hole.

Oh, boy!

Behind the drape-ski!

He's quite a guy.

Been bleeding for 1 0 years
and still quick as a rabbit.

I'll get that. That's for me.

Revolting.
Get something and cover him up.

Yes, angel.

No, I'm fine.
Everything went like clockwork.

It was the word ''burbles'' that
tripped her up, like we figured.

What's that?

When?

I'm on my way now.

If you're smart, you'll stay
out of this mess.

The police have nothing they can
pin on you.

Maybe when this is all over...

...you can come back and teach me
how to say ''burbles.''

You just keep your door unlocked.

A man's dying to see you. I mean,
a man who's dying wants to see you.

Well, get him in here, fast.

Mr. Peckinpaugh will see you now.

-Is he--
-Dead?

He should've been 1 0 years ago.

Sorry about this, Marcel.
Where did he plug you?

It's been so long, I forget.

Whiskey.

Jesus!

Anyone else would've been dead
in two days from a wound like that.

How did you stay alive for 1 0 years?

I cut out all salt and spicy dishes.

But I'm afraid this is it, my friend.

Thanks for this afternoon.

You are never gonna believe
what happened to me.

You made it. Good girl.

If I was, I never would've gotten
the papers.

You and that pig Schlissel...?

-You sent me there. It was terrible.
-Don't tell me what he did.

-We played war.
-I don't wanna hear it.

He was a dive-bomber and
I was Poland.

Forget it, I said.

I pretended I was asleep, and in
the middle of the night, I heard...

...these big bombers overhead.

Why do you dames love to tell me
these things? Keep it to yourself.

Hand over the papers.
Marcel's about to check out.

I don't have them.

When I left Schlissel's, the punk
that works for Blubber grabbed me.

I warned you about him.
Didn't I warn you about him?

He drove me out to the country,
then made me get out of the car.

I don't wanna hear!

He put me in the headlights
and made me dance the carioca.

They know it gets to me. That's why
they all torture me this way.

No papers, no diamonds!

That was our deal, monsieur.

Hold it! Maybe that's Blubber.

We can still make a deal.

I got the goods with me now.

Shall we say my place in 30 minutes?

Make sure that punk kid is there.
I got a score to settle with him.

I heard about the carioca.

And the what?

He did what?

I'm hanging up.

I'll need the goods, Marcel.

You're gonna just have to trust me.

Don't be stubborn, you crazy
Frenchman. Time is on their side.

I don't think he's being stubborn.
I think he's being dead.

Just once I'd like to see somebody die
regular on this case.

Call Lt. DiMaggio.
Tell him where I'll be...

...but not to make a move
until he gets my signal.

This could be the wrap-up.

And the kiss-off for me, is that it?

I don't know.

Tell me nothing happened.
Even if you lie, I'll believe you.

Nothing happened.

Jesus, it sounds worse than before.

Thirty-five cents.

How'd you like to make
some real dough?

I say we kill him the moment he comes
in with the bundle.

You'd like that, wouldn't you,
you greasy imbecile?

I want no part of this.

I just want my money
so I can get my hair done.

Somebody's coming up the stairs.

I was told to deliver this
to Mr. Peckinpaugh.

I'll take that, son.

Keep your hands up, everybody.

Okay, cabbie, put the package
on the table...

...along with my change.

Punk, throw your bed on the gun.

-Gun on the bed.
-What?

You said, ''Throw your bed on the gun.''

Big deal. That's only the first
mistake I made on this case.

That's not bad, considering
how complicated it is.

Go ahead, throw it.

You feel a little naked now, punk?

Now we'll see how tough you are.

Like to slap women around, don't you?

Well, now we're gonna find out
how you react to a little of the same.

Slap yourself in the face.

It's either that or I use
the business end of this gun.

Now slap yourself.

You call that a slap?
That's a love tap.

Now give it to yourself good.

Go on.

Harder.

Harder.

He's had enough!

Does anybody else want
more of the same?

By Gad, sir, you are
an extraordinary man.

However, if you've had
your fill of revenge...

...perhaps we can get down to the
important business of cracking eggs.

Not so fast, chubbikens.

There's a little matter of DuChard's
lease and liquor license.

Slowly!

Give it to the girl.

Miss Shearer.

Who?

Norma Shearer.

Well, you told me to change it.

All right, give it here.

Now get back there with your pals.

Well, everything seems to be in order.

All right, folks,
the bundle is all yours.

Sixteen years.
A quarter of a lifetime...

...l've waited for this moment.

I'll be able to buy everything
I ever wanted and never had:

Friends, a mother.

I want to be young forever.

And money can make you young
and fresh and beautiful.

Hurry!

Open the package quickly.
I want to look good tonight.

You and your fat fingers!
Let me do it.

Bite the string off, you idiot!
Chew it! Eat it!

Lick it off! Anything!

Open it. Open it!
Quickly, before the stores close.

The Treasure of Tibet.

One-twelfth of all the wealth...

...of Ancient China.

The diamonds.

I want to see the diamonds. Here...

...open it.

Chickies!

Sixteen years I wasted on...

...little....

Chicklets?

Chicklets?

What can I buy with chicklets?

It's all your fault!

Take all your little chickies,
lard-ass!

Duped! Sixteen years down the toilet.

Sorry, folks,
but I'm sending you over.

Come on in, boys.

They're all yours, Frank.

And what is the charge, may I ask?

The murder of Floyd Merkle
and five unimportant people.

Sorry, Frank,
but nobody here killed nobody.

The most you got on them is
a chicken-stealing charge.

Then who did kill Merkle
and the others?

All in good time, Frank.
All in good time.

Now get them out of here.

You're an astounding man,
Mr. Peckinpaugh.

Also, unfortunately,
a pain in the ass.

I don't mind, really.
As long as we can be together.

I never really had a best friend.

You lousy shamus.

What about Miss What's-her-name?

Put her on the ferry.

But, Lou, I thought you and I had....

Sorry, but I got a date in 20 minutes.

And this time I'm gonna keep it.

Two minutes to midnight.

I'm a brave man,
but I'm getting panicky.

He'll be here, Paul. He promised me.

You went to his apartment that night,
didn't you?

I'm sorry, Paul.

How long have you known
that Louis and I are lovers?

I didn't know until you told me
just now.

I thought you were looking for me.

Yes, that's why I went there.

I made up the part
about us being lovers...

...because I know you don't like me
looking for you.

We can still make it if you hurry.
Schnell! Schnell!

Not you, Schnell.
I said ''faster'' in German.

-I understand.
-One minute to midnight. Schnell!

English! We speak only English
from now on. No more German.

-We'll never make it. Quicker!
-Yes, sir?

Not you, Qvicker!

Forget it! It's a waste of time.

They're leaving! Leaving without us!

That's only the first warning.
You must calm yourself.

Yes, yes. I'm sorry.

I'm really wonderful in a war. I only
get nervous when I'm late for things.

Sorry I'm late, but I had some
odds and ends I had to clean up.

Oh, yes. It's quite all right.

Marlene got a little hysterical,
but I calmed her down.

You have the papers?

I said I'd keep my word.

And I shall keep mine.

How can I ever repay you, monsieur?
I have so little.

What can I possibly give you
in return?

How about your wife?

No, she has nothing either.

Paul, there's something I think
I should tell you.

Can't you tell me
on the ship, darling?

Maybe you two wanna be alone?

No. This is something
that concerns us all.

There's nothing in the world I would
want to do less than hurt you.

No one has ever been more kind and
more generous to me than you've been.

But Louis is the only man
I've ever loved.

I can't go with you.
I'm going off with Louis.

Now.

Tonight.

Forever.

I'm not getting the papers?

You're getting the papers.
You're just not getting me.

-But am I getting the papers?
-I said you were.

You scared me. I thought
I wasn't getting the papers.

They seem to mean more to you
than I do.

No, but you have Louis.
It's only fair that I get the papers.

I don't wanna be the cause
of a family quarrel.

Just give him the goddamn papers.

That's the last warning.
I really must leave.

Here you go.

You're quite a guy, Frenchy.

Thank you.

Take good care of her.

Now, darling...

...no tears.

No sad faces, no remorse...

...no regrets.

We danced as long as the music played.

You belong to him now.

But you will always be
a special part of--

Do I have carbon copies of this?

It's all in there.

Stop where you are.

Jesus! This case never lets up.

You're coming back to Germany.

I promise you, you will be given
a fair trial and found guilty.

Run, Paul!

I had a hunch you'd follow me.
Did you get the others?

They're in the van.

The whole place is surrounded.
Every man's got a shotgun.

You won't need them, Frank.
I'll handle this.

It's all over.
You can come out now.

Hi, Lou.

Mad at me?

It was the girl I was trying to shoot.

-You know how jealous I get.
-I know, kid.

That's why I killed Floyd.

He spent more time with you
than I did.

That's the way it goes.

I'm sorry about killing
all those others at the hotel.

I must have been irritable.

You should've taken aspirin instead.

-It's still you and me, isn't it?
-We'll talk about it.

With a good lawyer,
I'd be out in 40 years.

I'll watch my weight.
I could still be desirable.

I'm betting on you, kid.

Nice night for a boat ride.

You got yourself one
hell of a guy there, lady.

If you wanna hold on to him,
don't burn his bacon.

It breaks your heart.

-See you around?
-Who knows? It's a funny business.

Bye.

Oh, Louis, we're together.

And it's going to be
just the way it was, darling.

No, angel, it's gonna be better.

I brought the car around
like you told me to.

Good boy, Hoppy.

Sweetheart...

...l'd like you to meet the girls.

My secretary, Bess,
you've already met.

Hello again.

This is Betty DeBoop, a lot of laughs.

Hiya, kid.

Nadia Gladdia Poppenescu,
a little kinky but nice.

You bet you.

And of course, Mrs...?

Stanwyck. Barbara Stanwyck.

Hello, girls.

All right, Hoppy,
let's get out of here.