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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:21,520 Today's the day. 2 00:00:21,553 --> 00:00:24,457 This is it. 3 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,800 All right guys, I wanna talk to you about something. 4 00:00:31,129 --> 00:00:32,498 This isn't easy for me, 5 00:00:32,531 --> 00:00:33,799 but I'm... I'm turning 24 today, 6 00:00:33,831 --> 00:00:35,967 and I think it's just time 7 00:00:36,001 --> 00:00:37,669 I told you the truth. 8 00:00:39,537 --> 00:00:40,906 What I mean is... 9 00:00:40,939 --> 00:00:42,975 okay so the thing is that... 10 00:00:59,491 --> 00:01:01,060 Hey Martha, how are you? 11 00:01:01,092 --> 00:01:02,560 Adam, I hope you like blueberries. 12 00:01:02,593 --> 00:01:03,762 Wow. Thanks. 13 00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:05,096 You didn't have to do all this. 14 00:01:05,129 --> 00:01:06,998 Nonsense. It was no trouble at all. 15 00:01:07,031 --> 00:01:08,000 It's just leftovers from church group this week. 16 00:01:08,033 --> 00:01:09,869 Yeah? 17 00:01:09,902 --> 00:01:12,138 It's so nice to have a good strong man like yourself 18 00:01:12,170 --> 00:01:13,938 -that enjoys my cooking. -Thank you. 19 00:01:13,971 --> 00:01:15,774 And you're still free next Saturday, right? 20 00:01:15,807 --> 00:01:17,008 Saturday? 21 00:01:17,042 --> 00:01:18,811 My niece is definitely coming this time 22 00:01:18,843 --> 00:01:20,512 and I have told her all about you. 23 00:01:20,545 --> 00:01:21,746 Yeah, about that, I am actually... 24 00:01:21,780 --> 00:01:22,848 Saturday is not really good for me. 25 00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:23,949 -You must. -Okay, but... 26 00:01:23,982 --> 00:01:24,983 -you must. -Well there's... 27 00:01:25,016 --> 00:01:26,652 -you have to. -Can i... 28 00:01:26,685 --> 00:01:27,853 -you'll be thrilled to do it. -You know that's... 29 00:01:27,885 --> 00:01:29,721 it's got to happen, I tell you. 30 00:01:29,754 --> 00:01:31,756 Wait, did I catch you at a bad time? 31 00:01:31,789 --> 00:01:33,124 No, it's just, it's Chris. 32 00:01:33,158 --> 00:01:34,793 He's just, he's picking me up. 33 00:01:34,827 --> 00:01:36,762 You boys don't get in any trouble. 34 00:01:36,795 --> 00:01:38,631 Don't do anything the good lord wouldn't do. 35 00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:40,065 Okay. Thanks. Thanks for these. 36 00:01:40,098 --> 00:01:41,700 I have to see Chris. I can't do it. 37 00:01:41,733 --> 00:01:43,102 I've gotta see him. Hi, Chris. 38 00:01:43,134 --> 00:01:44,636 Hey, Martha. 39 00:01:44,670 --> 00:01:46,638 You have got to bang your neighbor, man. 40 00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:48,441 It is the least you can do. 41 00:01:48,474 --> 00:01:50,943 Nah, it's not like I'm keeping her tupperware. 42 00:01:50,976 --> 00:01:52,178 Besides, she's trying to set me up with her niece. 43 00:01:52,211 --> 00:01:54,513 Dude, then bang the frickin' niece, man. 44 00:01:54,545 --> 00:01:55,781 What are you waiting for? 45 00:01:57,248 --> 00:01:59,018 I don't think I could do that, man. 46 00:01:59,051 --> 00:02:01,053 -The thing is... -dude, I don't wanna hear your excuses. 47 00:02:01,086 --> 00:02:02,620 You're too damn nitpicky. 48 00:02:02,653 --> 00:02:03,923 That's why you're on a cold streak. 49 00:02:03,956 --> 00:02:05,591 I don't care how busted this chick is, 50 00:02:05,623 --> 00:02:08,461 give her your dick and keep the muffins coming. 51 00:02:08,493 --> 00:02:09,661 Yeah. 52 00:02:11,596 --> 00:02:12,998 It's gonna be an awesome night. 53 00:03:47,725 --> 00:03:49,928 -Just take the shot. -Another miss. 54 00:03:49,962 --> 00:03:51,297 -Fee-fi... -You only get two shots dude. 55 00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:53,231 -Fo-fum. -Yes! 56 00:03:53,265 --> 00:03:55,100 -What's up fuckfaces? -Get in here, homos. 57 00:03:55,132 --> 00:03:56,668 We leave for the bar in an hour, 58 00:03:56,701 --> 00:03:58,603 I want you blacked out by then, all right? 59 00:03:58,636 --> 00:04:00,104 Especially you, birthday boy. 60 00:04:00,137 --> 00:04:01,172 Yeah. 61 00:04:01,206 --> 00:04:02,941 What's the rush? 62 00:04:02,975 --> 00:04:04,876 That rush is that I haven't had a Saturday off 63 00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:05,978 in over a month... 64 00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:07,079 Michelle, or from work? 65 00:04:07,112 --> 00:04:08,814 From both, dude. 66 00:04:08,846 --> 00:04:12,016 And I am going to savor every minute of it. 67 00:04:12,050 --> 00:04:13,017 By being hung over all day? 68 00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:14,653 Yeah, of course. 69 00:04:14,685 --> 00:04:16,021 How'd you like that video we sent you? 70 00:04:16,053 --> 00:04:18,624 Yeah. She was a real screamer, man. 71 00:04:18,657 --> 00:04:20,726 And then that dude like dropped a dq blizzard on her face. 72 00:04:20,759 --> 00:04:22,727 Yeah, I could never finish those. 73 00:04:22,761 --> 00:04:24,162 It was almost as bad as the one I dropped on ortu's mom's face 74 00:04:24,196 --> 00:04:25,196 last night. 75 00:04:26,398 --> 00:04:28,333 -Hey, watch the eye. -Domination. 76 00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,770 Adam. You wanna get gay? 77 00:04:32,371 --> 00:04:33,706 What? 78 00:04:33,739 --> 00:04:35,674 You want a shot? 79 00:04:35,706 --> 00:04:37,242 -I'll get gay. -I'll get gay. 80 00:04:37,275 --> 00:04:39,078 Y... yeah, sure. 81 00:04:39,110 --> 00:04:41,279 Birth-gay. Birth-gay shots. 82 00:04:41,312 --> 00:04:42,312 Birth-gay shots. 83 00:04:44,215 --> 00:04:45,817 Boys, there are some good-looking girls 84 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:46,918 here tonight. 85 00:04:46,951 --> 00:04:47,920 Best of luck to all of you. 86 00:04:47,953 --> 00:04:48,921 Happy birthday, Adam. 87 00:04:48,953 --> 00:04:50,823 -Cheers. -To Adam. 88 00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:52,757 -All right. -So... 89 00:04:52,790 --> 00:04:54,660 Holy tits. 90 00:04:57,929 --> 00:05:00,833 You gotta be fucking kidding me, dude. 91 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:02,800 You guys are so lucky you don't have girlfriends, man. 92 00:05:02,833 --> 00:05:04,035 Look at those bombs. 93 00:05:04,069 --> 00:05:05,203 You just bury your face in them 94 00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:06,205 and be totally fine with it. 95 00:05:06,237 --> 00:05:07,305 Yeah, I don't think 96 00:05:07,338 --> 00:05:09,040 she'd be totally fine with it. 97 00:05:09,074 --> 00:05:10,208 You don't think they're together, do you? 98 00:05:10,242 --> 00:05:12,378 I think so, man. 99 00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:14,679 I don't think they're together. 100 00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:17,282 Okay, so... What I was saying before is... 101 00:05:17,314 --> 00:05:19,218 is she looking? 102 00:05:19,251 --> 00:05:22,787 -No. Look I'm... -what about now? What about now? 103 00:05:22,821 --> 00:05:24,223 Vascular as hell, bro. 104 00:05:24,256 --> 00:05:26,025 Never mind. 105 00:05:26,057 --> 00:05:27,291 Jeez, man. 106 00:05:27,324 --> 00:05:29,927 -What's going on with you? -Nothing. 107 00:05:29,961 --> 00:05:31,230 You seem weird. 108 00:05:31,263 --> 00:05:32,343 No. It's... it's just... 109 00:05:34,432 --> 00:05:37,702 What? 110 00:05:37,735 --> 00:05:39,303 The girl to your right in the Fanny pack, 111 00:05:39,336 --> 00:05:42,006 she's totally eye-fucking you. 112 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,175 Yeah, right now. 113 00:05:49,114 --> 00:05:50,249 I'll be right back, boys. 114 00:05:54,052 --> 00:05:56,054 I got a cramp. 115 00:05:58,256 --> 00:06:01,227 Yeah, just a quick... quick selfie. 116 00:06:05,963 --> 00:06:07,732 Is this Prada? 117 00:06:07,766 --> 00:06:10,102 Yeah. Actually it is. 118 00:06:10,134 --> 00:06:12,271 It cost like $2,000. 119 00:06:12,304 --> 00:06:14,306 I've never touched anything that expensive before. 120 00:06:14,338 --> 00:06:15,874 I'm sorry. 121 00:06:15,907 --> 00:06:19,211 My god, you guys. We need to dance, now. 122 00:06:19,244 --> 00:06:21,412 We need to dance right now. 123 00:06:21,446 --> 00:06:24,450 We absolutely do need to dance. 124 00:06:24,482 --> 00:06:27,386 Hey, Adam. You need to dance. Right now. 125 00:06:30,521 --> 00:06:32,423 I've got a dance partner for you, right here. 126 00:06:32,456 --> 00:06:33,925 -You do? -Hi. 127 00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:36,194 Hey, Adam. This is Adam, my dancing friend. 128 00:06:36,227 --> 00:06:39,098 My god. You're hot. 129 00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:41,300 -You're drunk. -No, I'm not. 130 00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:43,936 He's great in bed too. Real giver. 131 00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:46,972 How do you know? 132 00:06:47,004 --> 00:06:49,440 What? You don't sleep with your best friends? 133 00:06:49,473 --> 00:06:50,975 That's selfish. 134 00:06:51,009 --> 00:06:52,477 -Okay. -Very selfish. I'm sorry. 135 00:06:52,511 --> 00:06:53,991 Why don't you guys make out right now? 136 00:06:55,446 --> 00:06:58,516 Okay. We'd love to. 137 00:06:58,550 --> 00:07:00,184 Should we make out right now? 138 00:07:00,218 --> 00:07:01,738 We'll do it, if they do it kinda thing. 139 00:07:02,853 --> 00:07:04,922 - Ye...... - I'm waiting. 140 00:07:04,956 --> 00:07:07,092 You see the thing is, we've both been drinking. 141 00:07:07,124 --> 00:07:09,261 -Yeah, we've been drinking so... -It'd be cheap. 142 00:07:09,294 --> 00:07:10,763 Cheap. Very cheap. 143 00:07:10,795 --> 00:07:12,230 Cheap, if we made out. 144 00:07:12,263 --> 00:07:13,932 I really have to pee. 145 00:07:18,403 --> 00:07:20,272 Fuck yeah. 146 00:07:20,304 --> 00:07:23,509 Hey. Did you just take a picture of me? 147 00:07:26,545 --> 00:07:27,845 I... 148 00:07:27,879 --> 00:07:29,414 He was... he was... 149 00:07:29,446 --> 00:07:32,150 Snapping that guy's unibrow. 150 00:07:32,184 --> 00:07:33,886 You think you're fucking tmz or something, 151 00:07:33,919 --> 00:07:35,854 taking fucking pictures of me? 152 00:07:35,886 --> 00:07:38,156 I can't tell if he's surprised or mad. 153 00:07:38,189 --> 00:07:39,992 Hey. You got beef, we can step outside. 154 00:07:40,025 --> 00:07:41,059 Fuck that, it's cold outside. 155 00:07:41,091 --> 00:07:42,461 Yeah, man. Not all of us 156 00:07:42,494 --> 00:07:44,997 wore our favorite leather jacket to the bar. 157 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:49,802 I said, let's step outside. 158 00:07:56,908 --> 00:08:00,045 What's wrong with you? Come on. 159 00:08:00,078 --> 00:08:01,313 Don't be a pussy. 160 00:08:03,114 --> 00:08:04,116 You can do this. 161 00:08:05,516 --> 00:08:06,552 Dude... 162 00:08:07,985 --> 00:08:09,320 Don't yell at the little guy. 163 00:08:10,554 --> 00:08:11,824 Just take a breath. 164 00:08:12,624 --> 00:08:14,059 Relax your toes. 165 00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:17,028 It'll come. 166 00:08:21,066 --> 00:08:23,335 So you did take a picture of my sister's chest. 167 00:08:23,367 --> 00:08:24,903 You let your sister dress like that? 168 00:08:24,936 --> 00:08:27,072 That's your sister? What's wrong with you? 169 00:08:27,105 --> 00:08:28,073 Whoa! 170 00:08:28,105 --> 00:08:29,440 Chris! 171 00:08:29,473 --> 00:08:30,975 Chris! 172 00:08:31,009 --> 00:08:32,177 Listen, I know this isn't the right time, 173 00:08:32,210 --> 00:08:33,545 but... I wanted to say that... 174 00:08:33,578 --> 00:08:35,146 fuck these chicks, we gotta go. 175 00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:37,381 Unibrow guy got crazy. Let's get out of here. 176 00:08:37,415 --> 00:08:38,483 Whoa. 177 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,922 -Okay. -I'm so sorry. 178 00:08:43,954 --> 00:08:44,922 -My god. -It's okay. It's okay. 179 00:08:44,955 --> 00:08:46,357 You're fine. 180 00:08:46,391 --> 00:08:47,358 -I'm gonna call you, okay? -Okay. 181 00:08:47,391 --> 00:08:48,359 -All right. -See ya. 182 00:08:48,392 --> 00:08:49,427 I'm sorry. 183 00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:50,928 No, don't be sorry. 184 00:08:50,962 --> 00:08:54,199 I scared him away. I mistreated his friend. 185 00:08:54,232 --> 00:08:55,534 I'm a terrible friend. 186 00:09:25,096 --> 00:09:26,131 Chris. 187 00:09:30,635 --> 00:09:32,504 Chris. 188 00:09:32,536 --> 00:09:35,139 I'm gay. 189 00:09:35,173 --> 00:09:36,942 Okay, man. 190 00:09:36,974 --> 00:09:38,409 No... 191 00:09:38,443 --> 00:09:39,477 I like guys. 192 00:09:46,718 --> 00:09:48,120 I'm gay. 193 00:09:50,387 --> 00:09:52,391 No, no, no, no, no, no. 194 00:09:53,724 --> 00:09:54,992 You okay? 195 00:09:55,025 --> 00:09:56,160 You all right? 196 00:09:56,194 --> 00:09:59,197 Fuck man. Yes, yeah. I'm fine. 197 00:09:59,229 --> 00:10:00,498 It's... that's not you. 198 00:10:00,531 --> 00:10:02,400 It's the excessive alcohol. 199 00:10:02,434 --> 00:10:03,569 What the hell's going on? 200 00:10:05,502 --> 00:10:08,139 I'm hurt, man. 201 00:10:08,173 --> 00:10:09,508 Adam's gay. 202 00:10:13,511 --> 00:10:15,012 I gotta take a shit. 203 00:10:15,045 --> 00:10:16,714 I... i should just head out. 204 00:10:16,747 --> 00:10:18,717 -No, no, no, no. -No, no. It's cool. I'm gonna go. 205 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:21,019 -It's okay. Let you guys soak it in. -No, Adam. No, dude. 206 00:10:21,051 --> 00:10:22,587 No... Adam. Adam, it's fine, man. 207 00:10:27,257 --> 00:10:29,026 What the hell, is he fucking with us? 208 00:10:29,059 --> 00:10:31,228 Adam can't be gay, the dude eats steak every day. 209 00:10:31,261 --> 00:10:32,229 He was eating out Dorothy cuda in the 8th grade. 210 00:10:32,262 --> 00:10:33,564 Dorothy fucking cuda. 211 00:10:33,598 --> 00:10:36,001 I once saw him rebuild the entire engine 212 00:10:36,034 --> 00:10:37,369 on a '68 mustang. 213 00:10:37,401 --> 00:10:39,403 Was that before or after he ass-banged you? 214 00:10:39,436 --> 00:10:41,339 Okay. Dude. Too soon. 215 00:10:51,281 --> 00:10:52,483 I forgot I didn't drive. 216 00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:57,356 So you're really... 217 00:10:57,389 --> 00:10:58,490 Gay? 218 00:11:01,059 --> 00:11:03,127 Yeah. 219 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,664 -Cool. Cool. -Cool. 220 00:11:05,697 --> 00:11:08,367 You've had sex with women before. 221 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,235 You dated Courtney for a year. 222 00:11:10,267 --> 00:11:12,737 Cried when she broke up with you. 223 00:11:12,771 --> 00:11:14,673 Yeah. But that was like, 224 00:11:14,705 --> 00:11:17,074 that was like two years ago. 225 00:11:17,107 --> 00:11:20,746 I mean, who have I been with since? 226 00:11:20,779 --> 00:11:23,248 I mean, I just thought you had really oddly high standards 227 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:24,482 in women. 228 00:11:24,516 --> 00:11:27,519 I do. They just need to be dudes. 229 00:11:31,055 --> 00:11:33,257 So... 230 00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:34,693 Why didn't you tell me before? 231 00:11:34,726 --> 00:11:36,227 Well, I tried to tell you guys last night. 232 00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:38,097 No man, I mean like, way the fuck before. 233 00:11:39,430 --> 00:11:40,766 I don't know. 234 00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:45,170 -Your parents know? -No. God no. 235 00:11:45,203 --> 00:11:48,506 It's hard enough telling you guys. 236 00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,708 Believe me, I wanted to tell you before. 237 00:11:50,742 --> 00:11:52,743 I wanted to tell you for, like, ever. 238 00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:54,012 You know? 239 00:11:57,649 --> 00:12:00,519 I didn't want things to be weird between us. 240 00:12:06,256 --> 00:12:08,760 Hey, nothing's gonna change, man. 241 00:12:08,793 --> 00:12:10,595 I promise. 242 00:12:34,452 --> 00:12:36,154 What do we even talk about now? 243 00:12:36,186 --> 00:12:38,122 I just can't believe you didn't know. 244 00:12:38,155 --> 00:12:39,723 It was so obvious. 245 00:12:39,756 --> 00:12:41,726 -You knew? -I mean, come on. 246 00:12:41,758 --> 00:12:43,194 He's a good looking guy and he's never tried 247 00:12:43,227 --> 00:12:44,429 to fuck any of my friends. 248 00:12:44,462 --> 00:12:46,231 So? That doesn't mean anything. 249 00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:48,267 My friends are hot. 250 00:12:49,467 --> 00:12:51,203 You know, you should invite him over 251 00:12:51,236 --> 00:12:53,137 for a threesome. I'm sure he'd love that. 252 00:12:53,138 --> 00:12:53,771 Sure. 253 00:12:53,804 --> 00:12:55,372 That's a great idea. Yeah. 254 00:12:55,405 --> 00:12:56,373 Let me call him up right now. 255 00:12:56,406 --> 00:12:58,142 No, I'm serious. 256 00:12:58,175 --> 00:12:59,677 You know, he wants you, right? 257 00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:01,645 Shut up. No, he doesn't want me. 258 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:02,747 Now, just get hard 259 00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:04,348 because I have a date tonight. 260 00:13:04,381 --> 00:13:06,351 -Yeah, with who? -Just some guy. 261 00:13:06,383 --> 00:13:07,651 Why? 262 00:13:07,684 --> 00:13:09,588 -Are you jealous? -Not at all. 263 00:13:09,621 --> 00:13:11,189 -Should I be? -Okay, well just take your pants off. 264 00:13:11,222 --> 00:13:12,624 And don't touch my face, 265 00:13:12,656 --> 00:13:14,626 because I feel like I'm starting to break out. 266 00:13:34,179 --> 00:13:35,881 Hey Paul. 267 00:13:35,914 --> 00:13:38,583 Dude, I guarantee you a hot-ass milf drives this thing, man. 268 00:13:38,616 --> 00:13:40,184 For sure. 269 00:13:40,218 --> 00:13:41,285 Actually, you know what? 90,000 miles. 270 00:13:41,319 --> 00:13:42,453 I think she used to drive it, 271 00:13:42,487 --> 00:13:43,622 now, the daughter drives it. 272 00:13:46,391 --> 00:13:47,692 Yeah. Give that a whiff man. 273 00:13:47,724 --> 00:13:50,194 I'm thinking 19. Strawberry blonde. 274 00:13:50,227 --> 00:13:51,396 Volleyball player maybe. 275 00:13:51,429 --> 00:13:52,530 Take a rip. Get deep. 276 00:13:52,564 --> 00:13:54,498 Tell me I'm wrong. 277 00:13:54,531 --> 00:13:56,600 Hey, come on. Get back to work here. Let's go. 278 00:13:56,633 --> 00:13:59,170 Ronnie, we're checking the fucking mirrors, man. 279 00:13:59,203 --> 00:14:01,338 Let's go, out of the car. 280 00:14:01,372 --> 00:14:02,607 See, this one's broke. 281 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:03,641 I'm glad I checked this one. 282 00:14:03,675 --> 00:14:06,844 This one was fucked up. 283 00:14:08,813 --> 00:14:10,515 Think he's gonna show? 284 00:14:10,548 --> 00:14:11,816 It's poker night. 285 00:14:11,848 --> 00:14:13,251 He'll be here. 286 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,737 All right, boys. Last card. 287 00:14:39,444 --> 00:14:40,911 Man, so, Chris, you ever call 288 00:14:40,944 --> 00:14:41,912 that Fanny pack girl? 289 00:14:41,945 --> 00:14:43,747 No. 290 00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:46,218 What's the matter? Afraid your fuck buddy's gonna get upset? 291 00:14:46,251 --> 00:14:47,319 Me and Jess are not buddies. 292 00:14:47,352 --> 00:14:48,386 We don't even like each other. 293 00:14:48,419 --> 00:14:49,654 So what's the problem? 294 00:14:49,686 --> 00:14:51,722 I can't remember that chick's name, dude. 295 00:14:51,756 --> 00:14:53,725 I drunkenly saved it in my phone like an idiot. 296 00:14:53,757 --> 00:14:54,825 Let me see that. 297 00:14:54,858 --> 00:14:56,098 I'm really good with this stuff. 298 00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:01,399 -Train. -Train? 299 00:15:01,431 --> 00:15:05,269 You saved her name in your phone as "train." 300 00:15:05,303 --> 00:15:06,771 I raise 20. 301 00:15:06,804 --> 00:15:08,473 Damn it, if you didn't get that ten on the river, 302 00:15:08,506 --> 00:15:10,275 I could've sucked you dry. 303 00:15:11,976 --> 00:15:13,545 Yeah. 304 00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:18,550 Hey. Can I see your phone? 305 00:15:24,054 --> 00:15:25,290 Sucked it dry. 306 00:15:25,323 --> 00:15:26,558 All right, boys. 307 00:15:26,591 --> 00:15:27,693 Daddy's all in. 308 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:29,795 Let's see what you got. 309 00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:37,803 Stop that. 310 00:15:39,036 --> 00:15:41,272 Cut it out, man. Come on, stop. 311 00:15:41,305 --> 00:15:42,641 -Stop, just... -what? 312 00:15:42,674 --> 00:15:43,808 But dude, cut it out! 313 00:15:43,841 --> 00:15:45,244 I got two eights. Okay? 314 00:15:46,877 --> 00:15:48,912 I call. 315 00:15:48,945 --> 00:15:50,581 Aw, damn. 316 00:15:50,615 --> 00:15:51,850 Fuck this. 317 00:15:51,882 --> 00:15:53,785 That's probably Tracy... 318 00:15:53,818 --> 00:15:56,855 well, if it starts t-r-a, it's you know, 319 00:15:56,887 --> 00:15:58,589 probably Tracy, right? 320 00:15:58,622 --> 00:15:59,891 Yeah. 321 00:15:59,924 --> 00:16:02,294 Yeah, I could see her being a Tracy. 322 00:16:03,694 --> 00:16:05,696 Yeah. 323 00:16:10,535 --> 00:16:11,703 Okay, I'm gonna head out. 324 00:16:11,736 --> 00:16:14,639 I'll see you guys tomorrow. 325 00:16:14,671 --> 00:16:15,873 Tomorrow? 326 00:16:15,906 --> 00:16:17,841 Yeah, you guys are gonna come over 327 00:16:17,875 --> 00:16:19,878 for the hockey playoffs, right? 328 00:16:19,910 --> 00:16:22,613 Yeah. Yeah, see you then, man. 329 00:16:22,646 --> 00:16:23,681 Cool. 330 00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:29,353 Okay. 331 00:16:29,386 --> 00:16:30,789 He definitely wants to fuck me. 332 00:16:30,822 --> 00:16:33,958 This is all your fault. 333 00:16:34,958 --> 00:16:36,428 My fault? 334 00:16:36,460 --> 00:16:39,363 Yeah, with your Saint gay rom, and edm. 335 00:16:39,396 --> 00:16:41,366 You're the one who turned Adam gay. 336 00:16:41,399 --> 00:16:43,768 Are you fucking serious? 337 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,036 You're the one who goes to all these Taylor swift concerts. 338 00:16:46,069 --> 00:16:48,640 First of all, t-swift is a singing angel. 339 00:16:48,673 --> 00:16:51,409 Mister skinny jeans and ladies' deodorant. 340 00:16:51,442 --> 00:16:53,578 I've got sensitive underarms. It's not a secret. 341 00:16:53,611 --> 00:16:55,713 Yeah, that's right. You do take bubble baths with the... 342 00:16:55,747 --> 00:16:57,082 dude, you're the one who dragged us to see "les mis." 343 00:16:57,115 --> 00:16:59,017 Fuck you, man. "Les mis" is a classic. 344 00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:00,551 -Why don't you tweet about it? -You don't have time to tweet 345 00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:02,052 'cause you're too busy sucking Adam dry. 346 00:17:02,085 --> 00:17:03,053 You were the one eye-fucking him all night. 347 00:17:03,087 --> 00:17:04,588 Okay, he was eye-fucking me. 348 00:17:04,621 --> 00:17:06,090 That's not what I saw, gaylord. 349 00:17:06,124 --> 00:17:07,826 You're full of it. I'm not a gaylord. 350 00:17:07,858 --> 00:17:09,660 I own a fantasy football team and I like "die hard." 351 00:17:09,694 --> 00:17:11,628 Hey guys. Guys, stop. Stop. 352 00:17:11,662 --> 00:17:14,031 We shouldn't blame anybody. He was obviously born gay. 353 00:17:14,065 --> 00:17:15,767 No, no. It's fine guys. 354 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,036 Okay? I'll take the fall on this one. 355 00:17:18,069 --> 00:17:20,105 He... I'm too good looking. 356 00:17:20,137 --> 00:17:21,705 No, it's nobody's fault. 357 00:17:21,739 --> 00:17:23,540 Because there's nothing wrong with him. 358 00:17:23,573 --> 00:17:24,775 He's the same guy, right? 359 00:17:30,848 --> 00:17:31,982 Right? 360 00:17:38,021 --> 00:17:39,590 Another play by Stafford. 361 00:17:39,624 --> 00:17:41,459 Perfect getting by him. 362 00:17:41,492 --> 00:17:43,661 Myers PASSES UP THE WING TO McGinn, 363 00:17:43,694 --> 00:17:46,063 turns inside, gets slammed into the board side wall. 364 00:17:46,097 --> 00:17:48,165 30 seconds left to go on the power play down. 365 00:17:48,198 --> 00:17:51,034 Great start so far by the sabres. 366 00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:53,570 Boyle to Casey. Pushes it up the ice. 367 00:17:53,604 --> 00:17:56,074 LOOKS FOR McGinn, TAKEN AWAY BY Smith. 368 00:17:56,107 --> 00:17:57,876 Goal, rangers! 369 00:17:57,908 --> 00:18:00,011 And the game is all tied up. 370 00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:03,447 The rangers time of backing it in 371 00:18:03,481 --> 00:18:05,384 and the game is all tied up. 372 00:18:06,951 --> 00:18:08,587 Can someone just say something, please? 373 00:18:13,124 --> 00:18:14,526 So... 374 00:18:14,559 --> 00:18:17,796 You really like the cock? 375 00:18:17,828 --> 00:18:19,030 As much as you like strippers. 376 00:18:20,697 --> 00:18:21,932 No one can be that gay. 377 00:18:23,201 --> 00:18:24,169 -Sorry. -No, it's fine. 378 00:18:24,202 --> 00:18:25,670 Just say it, please. 379 00:18:25,703 --> 00:18:27,472 I know you guys don't mean anything by it. 380 00:18:27,504 --> 00:18:29,706 You guys have been saying shit like that for years. 381 00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:30,809 You sure? 382 00:18:30,841 --> 00:18:32,209 Yeah. 383 00:18:32,242 --> 00:18:33,578 No one can be that gay. 384 00:18:34,611 --> 00:18:36,580 Yeah. 385 00:18:36,614 --> 00:18:37,816 Gay. 386 00:18:37,848 --> 00:18:40,117 -Gay. -Gay. 387 00:18:41,751 --> 00:18:42,854 It's empowering. 388 00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:48,893 Coming. 389 00:18:58,869 --> 00:19:00,003 My god. 390 00:19:00,037 --> 00:19:01,940 You guys watching porn again? 391 00:19:01,973 --> 00:19:03,741 -Holy fuck. -Yeah, I know. 392 00:19:03,773 --> 00:19:06,777 For a gay dude, he sure can't take a goddamn picture. 393 00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:08,045 Dudemingle? 394 00:19:12,817 --> 00:19:15,654 "Hey cutie, can't wait for tomorrow night"? 395 00:19:17,021 --> 00:19:18,155 Think they banged? 396 00:19:18,188 --> 00:19:19,590 I mean, I'd fuck this guy. 397 00:19:19,624 --> 00:19:20,791 Put it away, Adam's coming... 398 00:19:20,825 --> 00:19:22,594 yeah, on bradstar's lower back. 399 00:19:22,626 --> 00:19:23,927 Good one. 400 00:19:25,863 --> 00:19:27,632 -Icing. -Aw, come on. 401 00:19:27,665 --> 00:19:29,701 You... you can't blow the whistle that quick. 402 00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:32,002 So fucking gay... No offense, Adam. 403 00:19:33,303 --> 00:19:35,739 No offense for what? 404 00:19:35,772 --> 00:19:38,076 Well you said something about the gays. 405 00:19:38,108 --> 00:19:40,011 And then you apologized to Adam. 406 00:19:42,213 --> 00:19:45,750 Yeah. Adam doesn't like when we use profanity in his house, Martha. 407 00:19:45,782 --> 00:19:49,186 He cannot stand that shit. Sorry, Adam. 408 00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:50,922 -No offense, Adam. -Sorry, buddy. 409 00:19:50,954 --> 00:19:53,758 I... i had no idea he was so pious. 410 00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:55,894 I'm gonna take him to my church group sometime. 411 00:19:55,926 --> 00:19:57,661 What is this? 412 00:19:57,694 --> 00:19:59,196 I wouldn't try to... the battery's dead. 413 00:19:59,230 --> 00:20:00,964 I think my niece has one. 414 00:20:00,998 --> 00:20:02,634 It's neat. 415 00:20:02,666 --> 00:20:03,667 I can... 416 00:20:05,970 --> 00:20:07,305 -yeah, I'll take that. -Thanks Martha. 417 00:20:07,338 --> 00:20:08,839 It was really great. Appreciate it. 418 00:20:10,273 --> 00:20:13,143 You all right? 419 00:20:13,176 --> 00:20:15,213 Yeah, I cleaned it for you. It's all clean now. 420 00:20:15,245 --> 00:20:17,080 No, nothing. I just feel a little faint, that's all. 421 00:20:17,114 --> 00:20:18,883 I think I'm gonna go lay down. 422 00:20:18,915 --> 00:20:20,184 You know, it's getting late. 423 00:20:20,216 --> 00:20:21,652 Decent people lay down when it's late. 424 00:20:21,685 --> 00:20:23,620 Okay. 425 00:20:23,654 --> 00:20:25,656 Decent, that's what I'm doing, 426 00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:28,993 'cause I'm decent. 427 00:20:29,026 --> 00:20:30,262 What? 428 00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:37,035 Menopause, man. 429 00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:38,735 It's a bitch. 430 00:20:38,769 --> 00:20:40,805 My mom slapped a kid at Macy's once. 431 00:21:15,673 --> 00:21:16,808 Hey. Sorry. 432 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,343 "Ghostbusters" was on. 433 00:21:19,376 --> 00:21:21,678 Totally lost track of time. 434 00:21:21,712 --> 00:21:22,747 Okay. 435 00:21:24,682 --> 00:21:25,884 All right. 436 00:21:27,251 --> 00:21:31,155 So, Brad... 437 00:21:31,187 --> 00:21:33,023 When did you take that profile picture? 438 00:21:38,128 --> 00:21:40,063 I'm sorry. That's not me. 439 00:21:41,398 --> 00:21:43,367 It's a little dishonest. Blah. 440 00:21:43,401 --> 00:21:46,838 You know, but I felt like we had this real connection online. 441 00:21:46,870 --> 00:21:49,640 And I didn't wanna run the risk of not getting to know you better, 442 00:21:49,674 --> 00:21:51,276 'cause of something as shallow as looks. 443 00:21:52,409 --> 00:21:53,877 Right? 444 00:21:53,911 --> 00:21:55,080 You're not shallow are you? 445 00:21:57,114 --> 00:21:59,217 So, how's your friend feeling? 446 00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,019 -Kim. -Yeah. 447 00:22:01,051 --> 00:22:02,853 She said she's never drinking again. 448 00:22:02,886 --> 00:22:04,054 -Never? -Yeah. 449 00:22:04,088 --> 00:22:06,290 Wow. So... Friday, then? 450 00:22:06,322 --> 00:22:07,758 Yeah, probably, Thursday. 451 00:22:07,791 --> 00:22:09,660 Probably Thursday. Okay. 452 00:22:09,694 --> 00:22:12,195 Actually on Thursday it's karaoke night 453 00:22:12,229 --> 00:22:13,229 at the rail. 454 00:22:14,231 --> 00:22:15,199 You should come. 455 00:22:15,232 --> 00:22:16,667 -I should. -Yeah. 456 00:22:16,701 --> 00:22:18,703 And bring your friend. Adam, was it? 457 00:22:18,735 --> 00:22:19,870 Yeah, it was. 458 00:22:19,904 --> 00:22:22,106 Are you inviting me on a date? 459 00:22:22,138 --> 00:22:24,308 Yeah, like a... like a group... 460 00:22:24,340 --> 00:22:25,876 -A group gathering. -It's fun. 461 00:22:25,909 --> 00:22:29,312 Yeah, it will be fun. I would love to go. 462 00:22:29,346 --> 00:22:33,184 I don't think that Adam and Kim are gonna work. 463 00:22:33,216 --> 00:22:34,351 Why? 'Cause she puked everywhere? 464 00:22:34,385 --> 00:22:35,854 No. 465 00:22:37,053 --> 00:22:38,188 He's gay. 466 00:22:38,222 --> 00:22:39,723 -He's gay? -Yeah. 467 00:22:39,757 --> 00:22:41,392 -Are you serious? -He's gay. 468 00:22:41,425 --> 00:22:43,860 So, the two of you actually have slept together then? 469 00:22:43,894 --> 00:22:45,029 No, that was a joke. 470 00:22:45,061 --> 00:22:46,697 I didn't even know that he was gay, 471 00:22:46,731 --> 00:22:48,833 until he woke me up and told me 472 00:22:48,866 --> 00:22:50,268 the next morning. 473 00:22:51,299 --> 00:22:52,299 Were you in bed together? 474 00:22:54,003 --> 00:22:55,205 This is going great. 475 00:22:55,239 --> 00:22:56,340 -Yeah, it's... -i love this place. 476 00:22:56,373 --> 00:22:58,309 It's cool. 477 00:22:58,341 --> 00:23:00,078 -I got this. -No, we can split it. 478 00:23:00,110 --> 00:23:03,313 No, you can make it up to me later. 479 00:23:03,347 --> 00:23:04,749 Now what do you say we get out of here 480 00:23:04,781 --> 00:23:06,250 and head back to my place? 481 00:23:06,282 --> 00:23:08,185 You're gonna love my basement. 482 00:23:08,219 --> 00:23:12,023 I got it totally pimped out. Xbox 360. 483 00:23:12,056 --> 00:23:14,992 Have you ever heard huey Lewis and the news on vinyl? 484 00:23:15,024 --> 00:23:16,493 You wanna take me to your basement? 485 00:23:16,527 --> 00:23:17,828 It'd be fun. 486 00:23:17,861 --> 00:23:19,162 Did you want one of these? 487 00:23:19,195 --> 00:23:20,464 It's all right, it's ropex. 488 00:23:20,498 --> 00:23:22,033 It's really great for, you know... 489 00:23:24,401 --> 00:23:26,170 It's made me feel so uncomfortable, 490 00:23:26,203 --> 00:23:28,740 like having a gay guy around it's makes all us feel... 491 00:23:28,772 --> 00:23:31,375 my god. What is wrong with you? 492 00:23:31,407 --> 00:23:32,097 What do you mean? 493 00:23:32,098 --> 00:23:33,477 Your friend just came out of the closet. 494 00:23:33,511 --> 00:23:35,245 Do you have any idea how hard that is? 495 00:23:35,279 --> 00:23:38,148 Yeah. It's been very hard. 496 00:23:38,182 --> 00:23:39,349 That's what I'm trying to tell you. 497 00:23:39,383 --> 00:23:43,488 No. Not for you. For him, you moron. 498 00:23:43,521 --> 00:23:44,789 My god. 499 00:23:44,821 --> 00:23:46,857 Your best friend just told you 500 00:23:46,890 --> 00:23:48,525 how his life is gonna change forever. 501 00:23:48,559 --> 00:23:49,961 And all you're concerned about 502 00:23:49,993 --> 00:23:51,762 is how it made poker night awkward. 503 00:23:52,963 --> 00:23:55,066 Well, and the hockey game. 504 00:23:55,098 --> 00:23:57,835 I'm kidding. Let's... let's change the subject. 505 00:23:57,867 --> 00:23:59,104 These mojitos are really good. 506 00:24:02,906 --> 00:24:04,141 I know what you're thinking, 507 00:24:04,175 --> 00:24:06,210 a basement. Real romantic, right? 508 00:24:07,478 --> 00:24:09,347 I'm telling you, it's totally discreet. 509 00:24:09,379 --> 00:24:11,415 Not even my wife is allowed down there. 510 00:24:11,447 --> 00:24:13,050 Shit, man, that's... that's awesome. 511 00:24:13,082 --> 00:24:14,985 I would love to. But I just... 512 00:24:15,019 --> 00:24:17,221 I have to go water my plants. 513 00:24:17,253 --> 00:24:18,356 Water your plants? 514 00:24:18,388 --> 00:24:20,257 How does that one go? 515 00:24:20,290 --> 00:24:22,859 You tilt your head to the side. 516 00:24:22,893 --> 00:24:23,861 -Okay. -Yeah. 517 00:24:23,894 --> 00:24:24,996 Keep your eyes shut. 518 00:24:25,029 --> 00:24:26,765 And then... 519 00:24:28,232 --> 00:24:29,768 And then what? 520 00:24:31,601 --> 00:24:34,070 So how was your date last night? 521 00:24:34,104 --> 00:24:36,107 Aw, dude. 522 00:24:36,139 --> 00:24:37,307 Long story short, 523 00:24:37,340 --> 00:24:39,242 Tracy thinks I'm a giant asshole. 524 00:24:39,276 --> 00:24:42,113 Man. I thought girls liked giant assholes. 525 00:24:42,146 --> 00:24:44,415 Not this one, man, she is different. 526 00:24:51,521 --> 00:24:53,491 Adam, are you good? 527 00:24:53,523 --> 00:24:54,958 Are you happy? 528 00:24:54,992 --> 00:24:56,994 Yeah. I guess so. 529 00:24:58,361 --> 00:25:00,864 I figured. 530 00:25:00,897 --> 00:25:02,867 You seem happy. 531 00:25:02,899 --> 00:25:04,835 I told you that nothing was gonna change... 532 00:25:04,868 --> 00:25:06,470 you guys are trying. 533 00:25:06,502 --> 00:25:08,973 Appreciate it. 534 00:25:09,005 --> 00:25:11,125 You know, things could've been a lot worse with Tracy. 535 00:25:11,608 --> 00:25:12,577 I doubt it. 536 00:25:12,609 --> 00:25:13,844 -Really? -Yeah. 537 00:25:13,877 --> 00:25:16,047 Was she 45, and married? 538 00:25:16,079 --> 00:25:17,348 Did she want to take you to her basement 539 00:25:17,380 --> 00:25:19,015 and make you her sex slave? 540 00:25:19,049 --> 00:25:20,218 What? 541 00:25:20,251 --> 00:25:21,219 Dude, what happened to you? 542 00:25:21,251 --> 00:25:23,620 Nothing happened. 543 00:25:23,654 --> 00:25:25,022 At least you have Jess, I mean... 544 00:25:26,357 --> 00:25:28,259 I just want someone. 545 00:25:28,291 --> 00:25:29,359 What are you talking about, man? 546 00:25:29,393 --> 00:25:30,928 You're a good looking guy, 547 00:25:30,961 --> 00:25:34,132 I'm sure you've broken a million guys' hearts. 548 00:25:36,599 --> 00:25:38,301 Not really. 549 00:25:38,335 --> 00:25:39,403 I mean, Scott lombardi, 550 00:25:39,435 --> 00:25:42,039 but that was six years ago. 551 00:25:42,071 --> 00:25:43,875 -Scott lombardi? -Yeah. 552 00:25:43,907 --> 00:25:46,610 No. When you were helping him fix his Camaro? 553 00:25:46,644 --> 00:25:49,413 Yeah... Yeah... yeah. 554 00:25:49,445 --> 00:25:51,482 Wow. 555 00:25:53,550 --> 00:25:55,019 Yeah, but that was high school. 556 00:25:56,287 --> 00:25:57,454 I mean, think about how many girls 557 00:25:57,488 --> 00:25:58,990 you guys have been with since then. 558 00:26:03,527 --> 00:26:05,630 Yeah. 559 00:26:06,996 --> 00:26:09,599 We need to cheer him up, guys. 560 00:26:09,633 --> 00:26:11,168 He's not happy. 561 00:26:11,201 --> 00:26:13,570 I don't think he's been happy for a while. 562 00:26:13,604 --> 00:26:15,573 Okay, well... I'm still not gonna let him fuck me. 563 00:26:15,606 --> 00:26:17,508 Nick. Nobody wants to fuck you. 564 00:26:17,540 --> 00:26:18,675 You're just... now you're being a liar. 565 00:26:18,709 --> 00:26:22,013 Guys, can we take this seriously? 566 00:26:22,046 --> 00:26:23,247 I mean, do you have any idea 567 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,283 what a depressed gay man is capable of? 568 00:26:26,317 --> 00:26:28,051 Writing a shitty emo song. 569 00:26:28,085 --> 00:26:29,186 Winning a Tony. 570 00:26:29,219 --> 00:26:30,421 Yeah, true. 571 00:26:30,453 --> 00:26:32,056 But loneliness sucks. 572 00:26:32,088 --> 00:26:33,491 I mean, what if Nick was lonely? 573 00:26:33,523 --> 00:26:36,359 If hypothetically, Nick was a sad, lonely person... 574 00:26:36,393 --> 00:26:36,935 yeah. 575 00:26:36,936 --> 00:26:38,562 'Cause he pushes people away with his anger. 576 00:26:38,595 --> 00:26:42,500 Fuck you, man. I'm... i plowed three and half girls this last month. 577 00:26:42,532 --> 00:26:43,734 It's more than you plowed in the last... 578 00:26:43,735 --> 00:26:44,135 Half? 579 00:26:44,167 --> 00:26:46,337 Okay, but Adam is a real person... 580 00:26:46,369 --> 00:26:47,570 Fuck you guys, I've got feelings. 581 00:26:47,604 --> 00:26:49,507 Well, then prove it. 582 00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:51,943 Instead of turning everything into a fucking "your mom" joke. 583 00:26:54,078 --> 00:26:56,146 Okay. What do you want us to do? 584 00:26:57,380 --> 00:26:58,515 Yeah, there's like... there's like a... 585 00:26:58,549 --> 00:27:00,318 the grinding kind of noise. 586 00:27:00,350 --> 00:27:02,152 Yeah, it's... it's the head gasket. 587 00:27:02,185 --> 00:27:03,486 It's definitely the head gasket. 588 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,388 Yeah. That's what I thought it was. 589 00:27:05,422 --> 00:27:07,582 Yeah. Yeah. I'm fucking with you. Just change your oil. 590 00:27:09,592 --> 00:27:13,163 Hey, can i... Can I ask you a question? 591 00:27:13,196 --> 00:27:15,265 Yeah. What's up? 592 00:27:20,636 --> 00:27:22,139 What's power bottom? 593 00:27:25,075 --> 00:27:27,211 Do you really wanna know? 594 00:27:27,243 --> 00:27:29,547 -Yeah. -No, no. Fuck it. I can't. 595 00:27:29,579 --> 00:27:31,448 You're just gonna make a bunch of ass jokes. 596 00:27:37,021 --> 00:27:38,455 So, you read any good books lately? 597 00:27:38,489 --> 00:27:39,490 Any literature? 598 00:27:42,526 --> 00:27:44,195 Yeah. 599 00:27:44,228 --> 00:27:46,597 I mean I read an article about Kinsey. 600 00:27:46,629 --> 00:27:48,198 Pretty good. 601 00:27:48,232 --> 00:27:50,001 What's... what's Kinsey? What's Kinsey? 602 00:27:50,033 --> 00:27:53,436 He's a sex scientist. Never heard of him? 603 00:27:53,470 --> 00:27:54,637 No. 604 00:27:54,671 --> 00:27:56,007 You want me to send it to you? 605 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,675 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be... 606 00:27:58,709 --> 00:28:00,544 Yeah, I wanna... Yeah I'd really love to read that. 607 00:28:00,577 --> 00:28:02,346 What don't you understand? 608 00:28:02,378 --> 00:28:04,514 -You just swipe right if they're hot. -Okay. 609 00:28:04,548 --> 00:28:06,784 You swipe left if they're busted. 610 00:28:06,817 --> 00:28:08,319 All right, and then what? 611 00:28:08,351 --> 00:28:10,453 Then you send them a message. Simple. 612 00:28:10,486 --> 00:28:12,322 And there's always grindr too. 613 00:28:12,356 --> 00:28:14,125 Yeah, but that's only if you want to try to have butt-sex 614 00:28:14,157 --> 00:28:15,292 like five minutes from now. 615 00:28:16,527 --> 00:28:17,728 The fuck is grindr? 616 00:28:17,761 --> 00:28:19,129 How do you know what grindr is? 617 00:28:19,163 --> 00:28:20,431 How do you know what grindr is? 618 00:28:23,599 --> 00:28:26,069 Okay, I don't... i just don't think that apps are gonna work. 619 00:28:26,103 --> 00:28:28,072 Well, you have to give it a chance, man. 620 00:28:28,105 --> 00:28:29,339 Put yourself out there. 621 00:28:29,373 --> 00:28:31,107 Flirt with them, but play hard to get. 622 00:28:31,140 --> 00:28:32,342 Let them know that you're into them, 623 00:28:32,376 --> 00:28:33,610 but make sure you don't text last. 624 00:28:33,644 --> 00:28:35,146 Yeah, no, that's easy for you guys. 625 00:28:35,178 --> 00:28:37,280 I have to walk up to a guy, and wonder like, 626 00:28:37,313 --> 00:28:39,082 am I gonna get punched in the face? 627 00:28:39,116 --> 00:28:41,085 And you guys can just walk up to any girl you want. 628 00:28:41,117 --> 00:28:43,319 Yeah, but then we have to hang out with girls. 629 00:28:43,353 --> 00:28:45,322 Just once, I'd like to go out to a nice dinner and a movie 630 00:28:45,355 --> 00:28:46,589 and not have to hold in a fart the whole time. 631 00:28:46,623 --> 00:28:48,726 You fart around Michelle all the time. 632 00:28:48,759 --> 00:28:51,628 Well it took two years of farting in a tupperware to get to that point. 633 00:28:51,662 --> 00:28:53,197 So gross. 634 00:28:53,230 --> 00:28:54,565 Ortu's right, man. 635 00:28:54,598 --> 00:28:57,600 As a gay man, you have the ultimate advantage. 636 00:28:57,634 --> 00:28:58,803 You're a fucking dude. 637 00:28:58,836 --> 00:29:00,503 It's easy to get another guy 638 00:29:00,537 --> 00:29:02,506 'cause you know exactly what dudes like to do. 639 00:29:02,539 --> 00:29:03,607 Yeah. 640 00:29:04,875 --> 00:29:06,109 Yeah. Right? 641 00:29:06,143 --> 00:29:07,211 Go with your instincts. 642 00:29:08,444 --> 00:29:09,746 What do guys do again? 643 00:30:22,185 --> 00:30:23,287 -It's a nice place. -Yeah, yeah. 644 00:30:23,319 --> 00:30:24,754 It's good. 645 00:30:24,788 --> 00:30:26,824 So, your tinder profile said that "scarface" 646 00:30:26,857 --> 00:30:28,224 is your favorite movie? 647 00:30:28,258 --> 00:30:29,927 Yeah. Yeah, it's one of my favorites. 648 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,929 Fucking right on, bro. 649 00:30:31,962 --> 00:30:33,564 I hate these queers who think that being gay 650 00:30:33,597 --> 00:30:35,398 is an excuse to have no balls. 651 00:30:35,432 --> 00:30:37,800 I'm gay, but I love "scarface." 652 00:30:37,834 --> 00:30:39,436 -Yeah. -No. 653 00:30:39,469 --> 00:30:40,638 I fucking live it. 654 00:30:42,673 --> 00:30:43,941 This was a terrible idea. 655 00:30:43,973 --> 00:30:45,242 I mean, don't you feel it? 656 00:30:45,274 --> 00:30:47,578 Everyone is staring at us. 657 00:30:47,610 --> 00:30:50,514 I don't see anybody staring at us. 658 00:30:55,685 --> 00:30:57,254 Just take a picture, why don't ya? 659 00:30:58,555 --> 00:30:59,623 It's like she's never seen 660 00:30:59,655 --> 00:31:01,357 two guys share a meal together. 661 00:31:01,390 --> 00:31:02,926 It's like, sharing a meal. 662 00:31:06,530 --> 00:31:08,898 -Tony would've hated this place. -I'm sorry, who? 663 00:31:08,932 --> 00:31:10,334 Tony, my ex-boyfriend. 664 00:31:11,401 --> 00:31:13,237 So dark, and so mysterious. 665 00:31:13,270 --> 00:31:14,637 Yet, still real. 666 00:31:14,671 --> 00:31:16,240 I don't even know why we broke up. 667 00:31:16,272 --> 00:31:17,440 Can't imagine why. 668 00:31:17,473 --> 00:31:20,277 "Say hello to my little friend." 669 00:31:21,845 --> 00:31:23,380 You like that? You think you're so tough? 670 00:31:23,413 --> 00:31:24,582 She's looking at me over there. 671 00:31:24,615 --> 00:31:26,217 -Yeah. -She doesn't like that one. 672 00:31:26,250 --> 00:31:28,352 I... no, no, no, no. Sorry. Nothing against you. 673 00:31:28,385 --> 00:31:30,345 We're just doing "scarface." First date over here. 674 00:31:31,254 --> 00:31:32,889 You want one of my French fries, bro? 675 00:31:32,923 --> 00:31:35,226 It's just like a little phase that I'm going through. 676 00:31:35,259 --> 00:31:37,228 I do a lot of girls too. 677 00:31:37,261 --> 00:31:38,695 -Yeah... -So... 678 00:31:38,729 --> 00:31:40,297 you look like you would. 679 00:31:40,329 --> 00:31:41,732 Thanks. 680 00:31:41,764 --> 00:31:44,534 He had the most fantastic cock. 681 00:31:46,302 --> 00:31:47,304 Well he did. 682 00:31:48,704 --> 00:31:49,973 It was this big. 683 00:31:52,541 --> 00:31:53,711 I don't really know what I'm gonna get. 684 00:31:53,743 --> 00:31:56,012 I'm probably just gonna get a beer. 685 00:31:56,046 --> 00:31:57,881 Yeah, so many choices. I think me too. 686 00:32:03,787 --> 00:32:07,691 So your profile says you're into gardening. 687 00:32:07,723 --> 00:32:09,425 Yeah. 688 00:32:09,459 --> 00:32:12,029 Yeah, it's just something I used to do with my mom. 689 00:32:12,061 --> 00:32:13,296 I should probably know what these are, 690 00:32:13,329 --> 00:32:14,365 but I have no clue. 691 00:32:14,397 --> 00:32:16,899 I definitely don't. 692 00:32:16,933 --> 00:32:18,402 You know, I always wanted to try that 693 00:32:18,434 --> 00:32:20,771 but everyone says it's for old people. 694 00:32:20,803 --> 00:32:22,204 Yeah, I don't know why everyone says that. 695 00:32:22,205 --> 00:32:22,905 Yeah, I don't get it. 696 00:32:22,938 --> 00:32:25,508 Yeah I mean, I'm 24, but I don't have to wait until I retire 697 00:32:25,541 --> 00:32:27,877 to get fresh vine ripened tomatoes. 698 00:32:27,911 --> 00:32:28,879 You know? 699 00:32:28,912 --> 00:32:33,851 I want them now. 700 00:32:33,884 --> 00:32:35,685 You wanna get nachos? 701 00:32:35,719 --> 00:32:37,621 Yeah. I'd love some. 702 00:33:23,867 --> 00:33:26,036 Two nacho platters on a first date. 703 00:33:26,069 --> 00:33:27,037 What were you thinking? 704 00:33:27,069 --> 00:33:28,504 First nice guy I meet, 705 00:33:28,538 --> 00:33:30,341 and I almost make him pass out. 706 00:33:30,374 --> 00:33:32,041 Fuck that arrogant prick, man. 707 00:33:32,075 --> 00:33:33,711 He's not nice. 708 00:33:33,743 --> 00:33:36,413 If you can't enjoy the smell of another man's farts, 709 00:33:36,445 --> 00:33:39,449 then you don't want to know that man. 710 00:33:39,482 --> 00:33:40,684 It's not that big of a deal. 711 00:33:40,716 --> 00:33:42,585 It's just my parents, they... 712 00:33:42,618 --> 00:33:43,619 They smelled it too? 713 00:33:43,653 --> 00:33:45,055 Wait, they were there? 714 00:33:45,088 --> 00:33:47,790 No, my parents invited me over to dinner tonight. 715 00:33:48,925 --> 00:33:49,893 Wow. 716 00:33:49,925 --> 00:33:51,427 Well, that's awesome man. 717 00:33:51,461 --> 00:33:53,431 What's Karen making? Maybe I'll stop by. 718 00:33:54,764 --> 00:33:56,733 I'm gonna tell them. 719 00:33:56,767 --> 00:33:58,969 What? 720 00:33:59,001 --> 00:34:01,437 Well, good luck with that. 721 00:34:01,471 --> 00:34:02,839 I'm sure they're gonna understand. 722 00:34:04,441 --> 00:34:07,978 Maybe you guys could come. 723 00:34:08,011 --> 00:34:10,147 -this was tonight? -Yeah. 724 00:34:10,180 --> 00:34:12,783 No, tonight I'm doing a... 725 00:34:12,816 --> 00:34:14,385 Michelle and I have groupon. 726 00:34:14,417 --> 00:34:16,787 I... i would... Yeah, I would come over, 727 00:34:16,819 --> 00:34:17,821 but, you know, I'd probably... 728 00:34:17,854 --> 00:34:19,556 just say something stupid 729 00:34:19,589 --> 00:34:21,025 and make it way worse. 730 00:34:22,091 --> 00:34:23,093 Yeah. 731 00:34:23,126 --> 00:34:27,097 What about you, Chris? 732 00:34:27,129 --> 00:34:28,631 My parents love you. Maybe, you know, 733 00:34:28,664 --> 00:34:30,800 like, make it easier. 734 00:34:39,810 --> 00:34:41,445 -Of course, man. -Okay. 735 00:34:43,713 --> 00:34:46,950 So Adam, how are things? 736 00:34:46,982 --> 00:34:49,019 Mom, I'm gay. 737 00:34:49,051 --> 00:34:50,887 I'm sorry man, can I just be your dad again? 738 00:34:50,921 --> 00:34:52,823 No, I need to be ready for anything. 739 00:34:52,856 --> 00:34:54,691 And don't be afraid to be mean, I can handle it. 740 00:34:54,723 --> 00:34:55,825 That's why I have these note cards. 741 00:34:55,859 --> 00:34:56,860 Meaner, okay. 742 00:34:56,892 --> 00:34:58,161 -Yeah. -Got it. 743 00:35:06,903 --> 00:35:08,038 Mom, I'm gay. 744 00:35:08,071 --> 00:35:10,707 What? That's disgusting. 745 00:35:10,740 --> 00:35:11,942 How could you do this to me 746 00:35:11,975 --> 00:35:14,077 after I brought you into this world? 747 00:35:14,109 --> 00:35:15,077 Anderson Cooper. 748 00:35:15,111 --> 00:35:16,078 I'm a terrible mother. 749 00:35:16,111 --> 00:35:17,180 ... Ricky Martin. 750 00:35:17,214 --> 00:35:19,049 I'm a terrible mother. 751 00:35:19,082 --> 00:35:21,218 Neil Patrick Harris. Neil Patrick Harris. 752 00:35:21,251 --> 00:35:24,187 What? Are your notes just a list of famous gay dudes? 753 00:35:24,220 --> 00:35:25,188 No, I have lesbians too. 754 00:35:25,222 --> 00:35:26,723 Okay. Forget the list, dude. 755 00:35:26,756 --> 00:35:28,524 Just be honest. 756 00:35:28,557 --> 00:35:30,493 What's the worst that could happen? 757 00:35:30,526 --> 00:35:32,162 My mom has a heart attack and my dad freaks out 758 00:35:32,194 --> 00:35:34,131 'cause I'm never gonna give him grandkids. 759 00:35:34,164 --> 00:35:36,732 Jesus, man. You're gay. 760 00:35:36,765 --> 00:35:38,034 Not sterile. 761 00:35:38,068 --> 00:35:39,770 And your dad collects antique clocks, 762 00:35:39,803 --> 00:35:41,605 he'll understand. 763 00:35:41,638 --> 00:35:43,841 Yeah. 764 00:35:43,874 --> 00:35:46,142 Yeah. 765 00:35:46,176 --> 00:35:48,178 Sorry to keep everybody waiting. 766 00:35:48,211 --> 00:35:49,613 For your cooking, Karen, 767 00:35:49,646 --> 00:35:51,615 I would wait all night if I had to. 768 00:35:51,647 --> 00:35:52,364 Chris. 769 00:35:52,365 --> 00:35:54,517 I'll tell you, this salad is incredible. 770 00:35:54,551 --> 00:35:56,271 How is everything? You still dating Jessica? 771 00:35:57,220 --> 00:35:58,856 Yeah... sometimes. 772 00:35:58,888 --> 00:36:00,857 Okay. 773 00:36:00,890 --> 00:36:03,370 What about you, Adam? When am I gonna see you with a nice girl? 774 00:36:04,294 --> 00:36:05,929 Gee mom, I don't know. 775 00:36:05,961 --> 00:36:07,663 Lindsay has a boyfriend. Did she tell you? 776 00:36:07,664 --> 00:36:08,231 No. 777 00:36:08,265 --> 00:36:10,701 -Actually mom, we broke up last week. -Good. 778 00:36:10,734 --> 00:36:11,702 He's been trying to snapchat me 779 00:36:11,734 --> 00:36:12,702 nonstop since. 780 00:36:12,736 --> 00:36:14,538 I hate snapchat. 781 00:36:14,571 --> 00:36:15,606 If he gives you any trouble, let me know, okay? 782 00:36:15,638 --> 00:36:16,606 Adam and I will take care of it. 783 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:17,640 Yeah. 784 00:36:19,175 --> 00:36:21,577 Chris, do you think Jessica has someone for our Adam? 785 00:36:21,611 --> 00:36:24,281 You know what? You may be on to something there, Karen. 786 00:36:24,314 --> 00:36:25,749 What about Dorothy cuda? 787 00:36:25,781 --> 00:36:26,917 Didn't you two have a thing? 788 00:36:26,950 --> 00:36:27,917 Yeah. We went to junior prom, 789 00:36:27,950 --> 00:36:29,685 like six years ago. 790 00:36:29,718 --> 00:36:31,687 -You two were so cute together. -You were. 791 00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:33,256 Did I tell you that I ran into her mother 792 00:36:33,289 --> 00:36:35,024 -at the grocery store the other day? -Nope. 793 00:36:35,057 --> 00:36:37,093 Yeah, and she told me that Dorothy is back in town, 794 00:36:37,127 --> 00:36:38,862 and she's single, you know. 795 00:36:38,894 --> 00:36:40,563 Great. So... 796 00:36:40,597 --> 00:36:42,665 So... Make yourself available. 797 00:36:42,698 --> 00:36:44,867 It feels like forever since you broke up with Courtney. 798 00:36:44,901 --> 00:36:46,103 It's time to move on. 799 00:36:46,135 --> 00:36:48,571 Get yourself back out there. 800 00:36:48,604 --> 00:36:49,572 Yep. You're right. 801 00:36:49,606 --> 00:36:52,142 And, actually, i... 802 00:36:52,175 --> 00:36:54,644 I have have been. 803 00:36:54,678 --> 00:36:56,946 It's true. He's actually been going on a lot of dates lately. 804 00:36:56,979 --> 00:36:58,548 Meeting some interesting people. 805 00:36:59,348 --> 00:37:00,984 Yep. 806 00:37:01,017 --> 00:37:02,319 Anything serious? 807 00:37:02,352 --> 00:37:05,222 No. 808 00:37:05,254 --> 00:37:07,089 I don't wanna sound like one of those crazy old mothers 809 00:37:07,122 --> 00:37:10,560 that does nothing but hound her son for grandkids. 810 00:37:10,593 --> 00:37:12,028 It would just be nice to see you with someone. 811 00:37:12,062 --> 00:37:13,730 And what if I never meet somebody? 812 00:37:13,763 --> 00:37:15,966 You will. You're gonna meet a great girl. 813 00:37:15,999 --> 00:37:17,200 -Sooner than you think. -No, I'm not. 814 00:37:17,232 --> 00:37:18,769 Because... 815 00:37:18,801 --> 00:37:20,004 I... 816 00:37:21,937 --> 00:37:23,106 I... 817 00:37:26,309 --> 00:37:28,812 Elton John. 818 00:37:28,845 --> 00:37:30,580 What's rocket man have to do with anything? 819 00:37:39,321 --> 00:37:40,990 So you're going on a double date? 820 00:37:41,024 --> 00:37:43,660 Yeah. I think Adam's excited about it. 821 00:37:43,693 --> 00:37:45,928 Yes. 822 00:37:45,961 --> 00:37:47,129 Aw. Hey, why didn't you ever set me up 823 00:37:47,162 --> 00:37:48,664 with any of Jess's hot friends? 824 00:37:48,698 --> 00:37:50,634 You banged two and then never called them again. 825 00:37:50,667 --> 00:37:52,970 Okay, they never called me either so... 826 00:37:53,002 --> 00:37:54,771 What-what am I supposed to do? 827 00:37:55,805 --> 00:37:57,640 One second, boys. 828 00:37:57,673 --> 00:37:58,673 I'll get it. 829 00:38:02,678 --> 00:38:04,046 Hey Martha. 830 00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:05,248 Hello, Chris. 831 00:38:05,281 --> 00:38:06,350 Just dropping this off for Adam. 832 00:38:06,383 --> 00:38:07,884 Could you see that he gets it 833 00:38:07,917 --> 00:38:09,477 before it's too late in the eyes of god? 834 00:38:11,021 --> 00:38:12,890 Yeah. Yeah, of course. Thank you. 835 00:38:20,664 --> 00:38:22,198 Ortu, I hope you're hungry. 836 00:38:22,231 --> 00:38:24,133 Fuck. Free cake. 837 00:38:27,736 --> 00:38:30,139 What the hell is camp leviticus? 838 00:38:30,173 --> 00:38:32,109 I think it's one of those conversion camps for gay dudes. 839 00:38:32,142 --> 00:38:33,944 If you wanna make a gay dude straight, 840 00:38:33,977 --> 00:38:35,846 you gotta show a little more cleavage on that cake. 841 00:38:35,879 --> 00:38:37,681 Actually, according to an article I was reading, 842 00:38:37,714 --> 00:38:39,982 the apa has no proof that a change in sexual orientation 843 00:38:40,015 --> 00:38:43,153 is even possible. 844 00:38:43,185 --> 00:38:45,354 Hey man, sorry. We kinda outed you to her. 845 00:38:45,388 --> 00:38:47,290 I don't care. She thinks we're all gay. 846 00:38:47,323 --> 00:38:48,959 Wait a minute. You have a date tonight, 847 00:38:48,992 --> 00:38:50,292 and you're wearing those pants with those shoes? 848 00:38:50,325 --> 00:38:51,661 And that loose shirt? 849 00:38:51,694 --> 00:38:53,696 You can't even see your abs. 850 00:38:57,232 --> 00:38:58,267 So I tell the curator, 851 00:38:58,301 --> 00:38:59,269 you see the name on the wall? 852 00:38:59,301 --> 00:39:01,437 This is my gallery. 853 00:39:01,470 --> 00:39:04,907 IF I WANT TO SUBMIT A 15x8, I'm GONNA SUBMIT A 15x8. 854 00:39:04,941 --> 00:39:05,975 And that shut him up... 855 00:39:06,008 --> 00:39:06,976 so fast. 856 00:39:07,010 --> 00:39:08,778 I bet it did. 857 00:39:08,812 --> 00:39:11,314 What do you paint exactly? 858 00:39:11,347 --> 00:39:13,984 Mostly abstract post-modern deconstructionalism, 859 00:39:14,017 --> 00:39:16,787 peppered with neoclassical ideologies. 860 00:39:16,819 --> 00:39:18,821 Wow, that's a lot. 861 00:39:18,854 --> 00:39:20,990 So Jess tells me you're a mechanic. 862 00:39:21,024 --> 00:39:23,960 Yeah. Yeah, I do mostly everything. 863 00:39:23,993 --> 00:39:26,263 Small repairs, tune-ups. 864 00:39:26,296 --> 00:39:28,198 -Great mechanic. -Thanks, man. 865 00:39:28,231 --> 00:39:30,367 God, how do you do it? 866 00:39:30,399 --> 00:39:32,368 You're going through life everyday, never creating art. 867 00:39:32,401 --> 00:39:33,970 I couldn't imagine. 868 00:39:34,002 --> 00:39:36,173 Yeah. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. 869 00:39:36,205 --> 00:39:39,443 You know, I actually sketch everyday. 870 00:39:39,475 --> 00:39:41,744 I just don't have the talent that you have. 871 00:39:41,778 --> 00:39:44,747 We should check out my gallery sometime. Maybe I can inspire you. 872 00:39:44,781 --> 00:39:46,183 After you have to go to this gorditos place, 873 00:39:46,216 --> 00:39:48,218 and across the street is this fabulous boutique. 874 00:39:48,251 --> 00:39:49,819 I'd take some of my other girlfriends there, 875 00:39:49,852 --> 00:39:51,354 but they don't have the body for the place. 876 00:39:51,386 --> 00:39:52,955 I said it. 877 00:39:52,988 --> 00:39:54,290 -Stop. -I just said it. 878 00:39:54,323 --> 00:39:55,291 -You said it. -There it goes. 879 00:39:55,325 --> 00:39:56,694 You just said it. 880 00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:00,062 I gotta take you to taco bell sometime, 881 00:40:00,095 --> 00:40:02,098 they've got this fabulous new gordita. 882 00:40:02,131 --> 00:40:03,365 Really? Wow. 883 00:40:03,399 --> 00:40:04,801 -Do I have the body for it? -You do. 884 00:40:04,834 --> 00:40:06,069 -Thank you. -You just said it. 885 00:40:06,102 --> 00:40:07,804 -I said it. -You said it. 886 00:40:07,836 --> 00:40:09,171 Marc do you wanna come outside and smoke with me? 887 00:40:09,205 --> 00:40:10,973 I wanna hear all about this boutique. 888 00:40:11,006 --> 00:40:12,908 Usually I'd say no, but two margs 889 00:40:12,941 --> 00:40:15,344 and I start smoking like a little hot tamale. 890 00:40:22,017 --> 00:40:23,720 Wow. 891 00:40:24,821 --> 00:40:26,123 He seems... 892 00:40:26,156 --> 00:40:27,758 -Non-threatening... -i hate him. 893 00:40:27,790 --> 00:40:29,225 Okay. 894 00:40:29,258 --> 00:40:32,862 Adam. Nice to see you here. 895 00:40:32,896 --> 00:40:35,098 Is this the reason you're not texting me back? 896 00:40:35,131 --> 00:40:36,333 No. 897 00:40:36,365 --> 00:40:37,501 No, it's not what it looks like. 898 00:40:37,533 --> 00:40:39,102 No, we're not dating. 899 00:40:39,135 --> 00:40:41,403 -I'm sorry. -Yeah. 900 00:40:41,437 --> 00:40:43,106 Sometimes I fly off the handle. Sorry about that. 901 00:40:43,138 --> 00:40:45,142 -We're engaged. -What? 902 00:40:46,176 --> 00:40:47,377 Right, Chris? 903 00:40:47,410 --> 00:40:48,944 This is Brad. 904 00:40:48,977 --> 00:40:50,847 Brad, remember I was telling you about him. 905 00:40:50,879 --> 00:40:54,184 -Honey duder, this is bradstar? -Yeah. 906 00:40:54,216 --> 00:40:56,285 Bradstar, it is a pleasure to meet you. 907 00:40:56,318 --> 00:40:58,387 No, I'm not gonna shake your hand. 908 00:40:58,421 --> 00:40:59,388 I could've given you everything, 909 00:40:59,421 --> 00:41:01,090 you know that right? 910 00:41:01,124 --> 00:41:03,193 You toss me aside for nothing but a gigolo. 911 00:41:03,225 --> 00:41:05,060 -Whoa, whoa... -A pretty face. 912 00:41:05,093 --> 00:41:07,396 He's not a gigolo. He's awesome. 913 00:41:07,430 --> 00:41:08,565 He's my best friend. 914 00:41:08,597 --> 00:41:10,065 What's going on here? 915 00:41:10,098 --> 00:41:11,901 Who the hell are you? 916 00:41:11,935 --> 00:41:13,537 Marc Peters, Adam's date. 917 00:41:13,569 --> 00:41:15,305 Yeah. 918 00:41:15,338 --> 00:41:17,140 Okay, I see. 919 00:41:17,173 --> 00:41:18,975 So, apparently I'm the only guy here 920 00:41:19,008 --> 00:41:20,877 who you're not fucking, is that right? 921 00:41:22,477 --> 00:41:24,446 Why didn't you tell me you're into group stuff, silly? 922 00:41:24,479 --> 00:41:25,948 -Well... -Right? 923 00:41:25,981 --> 00:41:28,050 We could go down to my basement, all of us. 924 00:41:28,084 --> 00:41:29,152 It'd be fun. 925 00:41:29,185 --> 00:41:30,953 -A group thing. -Yeah. 926 00:41:30,986 --> 00:41:32,555 Think about it, text me later, okay? 927 00:41:32,589 --> 00:41:33,824 Okay. 928 00:41:37,093 --> 00:41:38,261 Well, I should have seen it before, 929 00:41:38,294 --> 00:41:40,129 it's so obvious, with your perfect hair, 930 00:41:40,162 --> 00:41:42,998 and those, "look at my crotch," jeans. 931 00:41:43,031 --> 00:41:44,867 And you should see him dance 932 00:41:44,901 --> 00:41:46,336 when he gets two margs in him. 933 00:41:46,368 --> 00:41:47,336 Right? 934 00:41:47,370 --> 00:41:49,205 They're not... 935 00:41:49,238 --> 00:41:51,941 Fine, call it bisexual. If it helps you sleep at night. 936 00:41:51,975 --> 00:41:53,410 Okay. Okay, this is enough. 937 00:41:53,443 --> 00:41:55,145 I don't know what's going on, Chris. 938 00:41:55,178 --> 00:41:57,080 Tell Marc that you and Adam haven't slept together. 939 00:41:57,113 --> 00:41:58,548 Yeah, tell him. 940 00:41:58,580 --> 00:42:01,251 Well... i guess we didn't do a whole lot of sleeping. 941 00:42:01,283 --> 00:42:02,452 No, we definitely did not. 942 00:42:02,484 --> 00:42:03,486 Well, maybe like a little bit, like... 943 00:42:03,519 --> 00:42:04,988 -naps -like in between. 944 00:42:05,021 --> 00:42:06,223 Yeah, but mostly it was just going at it. 945 00:42:06,256 --> 00:42:08,491 Marc, you have no idea how good it is. 946 00:42:08,524 --> 00:42:11,161 I mean, I hate even talking about it over dinner. 947 00:42:11,193 --> 00:42:13,095 -But... -Yeah, don't brag. 948 00:42:13,129 --> 00:42:15,498 I would die if I couldn't create 949 00:42:15,531 --> 00:42:16,900 fabulous multiple orgasms with you every night. 950 00:42:16,932 --> 00:42:18,968 That means the world to me. 951 00:42:19,002 --> 00:42:21,638 Thanks for the invite, Jess. But I can tell when I'm not wanted. 952 00:42:21,671 --> 00:42:23,373 What? Really? 953 00:42:23,406 --> 00:42:26,977 My boy e-Zach is djing at the "unsh-unsh" bar tonight 954 00:42:27,010 --> 00:42:28,544 and I was gonna get going anyway. 955 00:42:28,577 --> 00:42:30,097 -It was really nice to meet you. -Yeah. 956 00:42:31,113 --> 00:42:32,615 Kiss, kiss. Ew,ew. 957 00:42:37,486 --> 00:42:39,255 Great headband. 958 00:42:41,457 --> 00:42:43,393 -Ew. -Ew, ew, ew. 959 00:42:43,426 --> 00:42:45,562 -Kiss kiss. -What kind of gay are you? 960 00:42:45,595 --> 00:42:47,297 You are hating on your own kind. 961 00:42:47,330 --> 00:42:49,065 Yeah, I don't hate him because he's gay. 962 00:42:49,097 --> 00:42:49,923 No, he hates him 'cause he sucks balls. 963 00:42:49,924 --> 00:42:50,199 Yeah. 964 00:42:50,232 --> 00:42:51,200 You are such an asshole. 965 00:42:51,234 --> 00:42:53,103 I'm an asshole? 966 00:42:53,135 --> 00:42:55,104 You're an asshole for making us hang out with this guy. 967 00:42:55,138 --> 00:42:57,406 What made you think Adam would ever like that prick? 968 00:42:57,439 --> 00:42:59,475 Well, Adam's gay. And he's gay. 969 00:42:59,508 --> 00:43:01,243 So what else is there? 970 00:43:01,276 --> 00:43:03,280 Attraction, mutual interests... 971 00:43:03,312 --> 00:43:05,115 not being a giant, raging douchebag. 972 00:43:05,147 --> 00:43:06,216 That's on your list too? 973 00:43:07,950 --> 00:43:10,519 Well, since you two have so much in common, 974 00:43:10,553 --> 00:43:11,521 why don't you fuck him tonight? 975 00:43:11,553 --> 00:43:12,923 Because we're over. 976 00:43:12,955 --> 00:43:15,524 Whoa, okay, Jess. We're kidding. 977 00:43:15,557 --> 00:43:17,293 Fuck. I'll be right back. 978 00:43:21,631 --> 00:43:23,399 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 979 00:43:23,432 --> 00:43:25,200 I'm sorry, okay? We're kidding. 980 00:43:25,234 --> 00:43:26,202 We're just joking around. 981 00:43:26,234 --> 00:43:28,037 Maybe you are. 982 00:43:28,071 --> 00:43:29,639 But Adam's not. 983 00:43:29,671 --> 00:43:31,974 You know, you probably shouldn't joke around. 984 00:43:32,008 --> 00:43:33,710 You're only screwing with his head. 985 00:43:33,743 --> 00:43:35,478 What are you talking about? 986 00:43:35,510 --> 00:43:38,213 Chris, I told you this would happen. 987 00:43:38,247 --> 00:43:39,382 Adam likes you. 988 00:43:39,414 --> 00:43:41,417 Adam does not like me. 989 00:43:41,450 --> 00:43:43,218 I know what I'm talking about. 990 00:43:43,252 --> 00:43:44,721 I'm a girl, I notice these things. 991 00:43:44,754 --> 00:43:46,056 Adam didn't even give Marc a chance. 992 00:43:46,089 --> 00:43:47,457 He barely even looked at him 993 00:43:47,490 --> 00:43:49,459 because he was too busy staring at you all night. 994 00:43:49,492 --> 00:43:52,428 No, it's because looking at Marc makes you want to murder someone. 995 00:43:52,461 --> 00:43:55,130 Okay. Okay, fine. Don't believe me. 996 00:43:55,164 --> 00:43:56,665 But when you wake up one morning, 997 00:43:56,698 --> 00:43:58,968 tied to your bed with Adam's tongue in your ass, 998 00:43:59,002 --> 00:44:00,637 don't come crying back to me. 999 00:44:08,510 --> 00:44:10,179 Hey, man. There you are. 1000 00:44:10,213 --> 00:44:11,981 You wanna get gay? 1001 00:44:12,015 --> 00:44:13,283 What? 1002 00:44:13,316 --> 00:44:15,118 I got some two shots. You want one? 1003 00:44:15,151 --> 00:44:16,685 Yeah. 1004 00:44:16,718 --> 00:44:18,220 Yeah, sure. 1005 00:44:18,254 --> 00:44:19,623 -Cheers, man. -Cheers, dude. 1006 00:44:25,495 --> 00:44:26,663 God, it does not get any easier. 1007 00:44:26,696 --> 00:44:28,131 No, but can we have two more? 1008 00:44:30,332 --> 00:44:31,367 Boo. 1009 00:44:36,205 --> 00:44:37,173 You should do it. 1010 00:44:37,205 --> 00:44:38,173 -No. -Yep. 1011 00:44:38,207 --> 00:44:39,743 -No. -Yeah. 1012 00:44:39,776 --> 00:44:41,077 -No. -You should do it, you should call her. 1013 00:44:41,109 --> 00:44:43,046 Abso-frickin'-lutely not. 1014 00:44:43,078 --> 00:44:44,214 -No, seriously. You should call her. -Never again, man. 1015 00:44:44,247 --> 00:44:46,015 I don't care how hot she is, 1016 00:44:46,048 --> 00:44:48,150 or how good of blow jays she gives... 1017 00:44:48,184 --> 00:44:49,452 -No. -She's a crazy bitch. 1018 00:44:49,484 --> 00:44:50,553 I'm not talking about Jess, 1019 00:44:50,586 --> 00:44:52,055 I'm talking about Tracy. 1020 00:44:52,088 --> 00:44:55,091 No, man. I already blew that one. 1021 00:44:55,124 --> 00:44:57,493 If I call her now, I'm just gonna look desperate. 1022 00:44:57,526 --> 00:44:59,128 Besides man, girls like her 1023 00:44:59,162 --> 00:45:00,597 do not go for guys like me. 1024 00:45:00,629 --> 00:45:02,097 Girls like what? 1025 00:45:02,131 --> 00:45:03,098 You talk about her like she's perfect. 1026 00:45:03,131 --> 00:45:04,166 You don't even know her. 1027 00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:05,402 I know her. I know her. 1028 00:45:05,435 --> 00:45:06,603 I know that she's got enough balls 1029 00:45:06,635 --> 00:45:08,504 to wear a Fanny pack to a bar. 1030 00:45:08,537 --> 00:45:10,272 She's cool enough to like mojitos, 1031 00:45:10,305 --> 00:45:12,307 and "ghostbusters." 1032 00:45:12,341 --> 00:45:14,344 She's funny, smart... 1033 00:45:14,377 --> 00:45:15,512 Aww, man. 1034 00:45:16,778 --> 00:45:18,614 Now you sound like the gay one. 1035 00:45:18,647 --> 00:45:20,416 Fuck you. 1036 00:45:21,584 --> 00:45:24,588 Okay. Just fucking call her, dude. 1037 00:45:26,388 --> 00:45:28,657 Hey, Tracy. It's... 1038 00:45:28,691 --> 00:45:30,526 It's Chris. 1039 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:31,560 All right. 1040 00:45:33,396 --> 00:45:35,397 Hey Tracy, it's Chris... 1041 00:45:39,435 --> 00:45:41,404 -Hey. -Hey... 1042 00:45:41,437 --> 00:45:43,772 I'm not here right now, so just leave me a message, 1043 00:45:43,805 --> 00:45:45,175 and I'll call you right back. 1044 00:45:47,276 --> 00:45:50,312 I'm just calling... To make sure 1045 00:45:50,345 --> 00:45:52,381 that you... You didn't... 1046 00:45:52,414 --> 00:45:55,150 No one, no one bother... 1047 00:45:55,184 --> 00:45:57,687 that everything worked out just fine... 1048 00:45:57,720 --> 00:45:59,522 that even... 1049 00:45:59,555 --> 00:46:03,259 Just calling to wish you a happy day. 1050 00:46:03,292 --> 00:46:06,696 -Anyways... -Cute voice-mail. 1051 00:46:06,729 --> 00:46:08,631 It's Chris. Bye. 1052 00:46:21,611 --> 00:46:23,146 Here you go, dude. 1053 00:46:23,178 --> 00:46:25,180 Nothing cures a hangover like a hit of doober. 1054 00:46:25,214 --> 00:46:26,816 Thanks. 1055 00:46:26,848 --> 00:46:28,288 What'd you guys do last night anyway? 1056 00:46:29,885 --> 00:46:31,588 Went on a double date with Chris. 1057 00:46:31,620 --> 00:46:34,156 -Gay. -Really? 1058 00:46:34,189 --> 00:46:35,624 Yeah, I mean, think about what can you not do 1059 00:46:35,658 --> 00:46:36,759 on a double date? 1060 00:46:36,792 --> 00:46:37,832 You can't get your fuck on. 1061 00:46:37,859 --> 00:46:39,261 Am I right? 1062 00:46:39,294 --> 00:46:41,130 Did you fuck her? 1063 00:46:41,164 --> 00:46:42,232 You didn't fuck her. 1064 00:46:42,265 --> 00:46:43,466 -Did you fuck her? -No. No. 1065 00:46:43,499 --> 00:46:44,501 -You dirty dog. -Did not fuck her. 1066 00:46:44,533 --> 00:46:46,669 See that's what I'm saying. 1067 00:46:46,702 --> 00:46:48,604 See, next time, bring her to your house. All right? 1068 00:46:48,638 --> 00:46:50,206 So it's just the two of you. 1069 00:46:50,238 --> 00:46:51,907 Rent a horror movie, clean the bathroom, 1070 00:46:51,941 --> 00:46:53,609 put some candles out, man. They appreciate that stuff. 1071 00:46:53,642 --> 00:46:55,511 -Put a tie on... -Hello? 1072 00:46:55,544 --> 00:46:57,180 You know what I mean? Also get the lube going before she... 1073 00:46:57,213 --> 00:46:58,314 hey, got any visine? 1074 00:46:58,347 --> 00:46:59,582 Why? Ryan's not coming back? 1075 00:46:59,615 --> 00:47:01,283 Yeah. No, I just... it's a customer. 1076 00:47:01,316 --> 00:47:03,485 I don't wanna look unprofessional. 1077 00:47:03,519 --> 00:47:05,354 But then I'm telling you, ten minutes... 1078 00:47:05,388 --> 00:47:06,856 -you got any gum? -Your shorts are gonna be off. 1079 00:47:06,888 --> 00:47:08,357 Gum? How hot is this girl, man? 1080 00:47:08,390 --> 00:47:10,260 You know what, never mind. Forget it. 1081 00:47:10,292 --> 00:47:12,261 Hey... 1082 00:47:12,294 --> 00:47:14,396 -How's it going? -Good. Can I help you with something? 1083 00:47:14,430 --> 00:47:16,533 Yeah, I think something's wrong with my car. 1084 00:47:16,566 --> 00:47:18,301 It's been overheating a lot 1085 00:47:18,334 --> 00:47:20,803 and sometimes it just shuts off completely. 1086 00:47:20,836 --> 00:47:23,372 Yeah. Sounds like it could be your radiator. 1087 00:47:23,406 --> 00:47:24,674 Let's just pop it open. 1088 00:47:26,742 --> 00:47:27,843 -Pop this. -I can get it. 1089 00:47:27,877 --> 00:47:29,146 It's sometimes a little tricky. 1090 00:47:30,546 --> 00:47:31,814 Sorry. 1091 00:47:31,847 --> 00:47:33,950 No. By all means. 1092 00:47:33,982 --> 00:47:35,218 Okay. 1093 00:47:37,419 --> 00:47:39,222 I'll get that. 1094 00:47:39,254 --> 00:47:40,656 -Thanks. -No problem. 1095 00:47:42,258 --> 00:47:44,827 You know what, it could be your DC inverter. 1096 00:47:44,859 --> 00:47:45,928 Really? 1097 00:47:45,961 --> 00:47:47,463 Yeah. 1098 00:47:47,495 --> 00:47:50,232 What's a DC converter? 1099 00:47:50,265 --> 00:47:52,702 It's an inverter. 1100 00:47:52,734 --> 00:47:53,970 It's this. It's what... 1101 00:47:54,002 --> 00:47:55,838 Makes your car work. 1102 00:47:55,870 --> 00:47:58,240 Yeah, they have arrived. 1103 00:47:58,274 --> 00:47:59,742 The official invites 1104 00:47:59,774 --> 00:48:02,778 to papa ortu's fourth of July barbeque bash. 1105 00:48:02,812 --> 00:48:04,681 See you there, and see you there. 1106 00:48:04,714 --> 00:48:07,283 And you better rsvp this time. 1107 00:48:07,316 --> 00:48:08,584 Fuck that, you know I'm going. Why do I need to rsvp? 1108 00:48:08,618 --> 00:48:09,619 'Cause my dad's sick and tired 1109 00:48:09,651 --> 00:48:10,919 of running out of ribs. 1110 00:48:10,952 --> 00:48:14,389 If you don't rsvp, you don't get any ribs. 1111 00:48:14,423 --> 00:48:17,327 Whoa, slow down, tiger. What's up with you? 1112 00:48:17,359 --> 00:48:18,560 I think I met someone. 1113 00:48:18,593 --> 00:48:19,828 Seriously? Who? 1114 00:48:19,861 --> 00:48:20,863 Well, I don't know his name exactly, 1115 00:48:20,896 --> 00:48:22,598 but we had a moment. 1116 00:48:22,631 --> 00:48:24,666 A moment? Like where was this, in a truck stop? 1117 00:48:24,700 --> 00:48:26,535 No. How do you know so much about gay things? 1118 00:48:26,568 --> 00:48:28,437 No. He... i don't even know if he's gay. 1119 00:48:28,470 --> 00:48:29,571 Don't you have gaydar? 1120 00:48:29,604 --> 00:48:31,373 Well, kind of. 1121 00:48:31,406 --> 00:48:33,876 If you had gaydar, you'd know that Nick loves the cock. 1122 00:48:36,879 --> 00:48:39,015 So what did this gentleman's pants look like? 1123 00:48:39,048 --> 00:48:40,450 Could you see his ankles? 1124 00:48:40,482 --> 00:48:41,450 Was he, like, wearing a tank top? 1125 00:48:41,484 --> 00:48:42,552 Were his nipples pierced? 1126 00:48:42,584 --> 00:48:44,287 Yeah, what about his underwear, 1127 00:48:44,319 --> 00:48:45,655 did it have a brightly colored elastic band? 1128 00:48:45,687 --> 00:48:47,323 Super jacked? 1129 00:48:47,356 --> 00:48:49,825 He was a normal gay, with like earth-tone colors. 1130 00:48:49,859 --> 00:48:51,694 Full length pants. No nipple piercings. 1131 00:48:51,727 --> 00:48:53,363 I couldn't really see his underwear, 1132 00:48:53,396 --> 00:48:54,997 but it was probably 1133 00:48:55,031 --> 00:48:56,966 and he had muscles, but not, like, too muscley. 1134 00:48:56,999 --> 00:48:58,935 He was probably, he was like a normal dude. 1135 00:49:01,771 --> 00:49:02,872 How did he eat a banana? 1136 00:49:02,905 --> 00:49:04,673 How would you eat a banana? 1137 00:49:04,707 --> 00:49:06,542 Like put the whole thing in and pull out just the peel. 1138 00:49:06,575 --> 00:49:07,810 Okay, then that's exactly... i don't know. 1139 00:49:07,843 --> 00:49:09,611 -He was just... -guys, guys. 1140 00:49:09,644 --> 00:49:11,647 Guys, it says... It says that people in north Korea 1141 00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:13,383 aren't even allowed to eat bananas. 1142 00:49:13,415 --> 00:49:15,415 They don't know what... they don't know they exist. 1143 00:49:17,586 --> 00:49:19,888 I did not know that. Wow. 1144 00:49:19,921 --> 00:49:20,889 Okay, look. All I know is that this guy, 1145 00:49:20,923 --> 00:49:22,725 he was super friendly. 1146 00:49:22,758 --> 00:49:25,761 And at some point we like had eye contact for two seconds. 1147 00:49:25,794 --> 00:49:27,329 Two seconds? That's nothing. 1148 00:49:27,363 --> 00:49:28,631 That's just like being a polite gentleman. 1149 00:49:28,664 --> 00:49:29,665 Like look... 1150 00:49:29,698 --> 00:49:31,367 See. I'm not gay. 1151 00:49:31,399 --> 00:49:32,801 -That's not two seconds. -You wanna do two seconds? 1152 00:49:32,834 --> 00:49:34,970 -Two seconds. -Here we go. 1153 00:49:35,004 --> 00:49:37,373 One Mississippi. 1154 00:49:37,406 --> 00:49:38,508 Two Mississippi. 1155 00:49:38,540 --> 00:49:39,776 I can't do it. 1156 00:49:39,809 --> 00:49:42,577 -He's so gay. -Wow. Weird tickle. 1157 00:49:42,611 --> 00:49:44,047 See, i... so, he's gay? 1158 00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:45,415 He's gay. 1159 00:49:45,448 --> 00:49:46,683 I think you're in luck. 1160 00:49:46,716 --> 00:49:48,818 He's super gay, man. 1161 00:49:48,850 --> 00:49:51,086 All right. Cool. I met someone. 1162 00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:52,888 Are you wearing Cologne, dude? 1163 00:49:52,921 --> 00:49:55,857 Yeah, it's to hide the pot smell. 1164 00:49:55,890 --> 00:49:57,626 Did you smoke pot today without me? 1165 00:49:57,660 --> 00:49:59,761 Are you... is this what these bananas are for? 1166 00:49:59,794 --> 00:50:01,074 Who do you think drives this car? 1167 00:50:03,466 --> 00:50:04,767 I don't know, it's a hybrid, dude. 1168 00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:05,935 It's got a "save the whales" bumper sticker. 1169 00:50:05,968 --> 00:50:07,803 Probably some gay-ass hippy. 1170 00:50:07,836 --> 00:50:09,772 -Really? You think so? -Yeah. 1171 00:50:35,030 --> 00:50:37,066 Adam. Triple-a just called. 1172 00:50:37,098 --> 00:50:39,102 Some girl locked her keys in the car over in hillside. 1173 00:50:39,135 --> 00:50:40,770 Black wrangler. I need you to go now. 1174 00:50:40,803 --> 00:50:42,638 Ron, I'll do it man. 1175 00:50:42,671 --> 00:50:43,973 Did she sound 18 on the phone? 1176 00:50:44,006 --> 00:50:45,375 Why so you can get stoned for two hours 1177 00:50:45,408 --> 00:50:47,110 and jerk off in the Wendy's bathroom? 1178 00:50:47,142 --> 00:50:48,377 Once. Hey, that one time. 1179 00:50:48,410 --> 00:50:49,544 Yeah, it's all it takes. 1180 00:50:49,577 --> 00:50:51,146 Here. Better get over there, Adam. 1181 00:50:51,180 --> 00:50:53,082 -I was... -I need you right now. Let's go. 1182 00:50:53,115 --> 00:50:55,718 ... 'Kay. 1183 00:51:02,557 --> 00:51:03,792 You're all set. Thanks for coming in. 1184 00:51:03,825 --> 00:51:06,094 Thanks again, thank you. 1185 00:51:06,127 --> 00:51:08,097 Hey. Hey. 1186 00:51:08,129 --> 00:51:09,631 -Hi. -Hi. 1187 00:51:09,664 --> 00:51:11,099 Is there something wrong with the car still? 1188 00:51:11,133 --> 00:51:12,901 No. 1189 00:51:12,935 --> 00:51:14,104 You just... 1190 00:51:15,470 --> 00:51:17,839 You forgot your chapstick. 1191 00:51:21,544 --> 00:51:22,944 Did you take this from my glove box? 1192 00:51:24,113 --> 00:51:25,415 No. 1193 00:51:27,182 --> 00:51:28,684 Okay. Yeah, I did. 1194 00:51:28,716 --> 00:51:30,452 But I was just... it was an accident. 1195 00:51:30,486 --> 00:51:32,054 I didn't use it or anything. 1196 00:51:32,086 --> 00:51:33,389 I just smelled it. 1197 00:51:36,158 --> 00:51:37,394 Okay. 1198 00:51:38,461 --> 00:51:39,596 Thanks. 1199 00:51:40,662 --> 00:51:42,731 I'm gonna go here. 1200 00:51:42,765 --> 00:51:43,900 Me too. 1201 00:51:44,899 --> 00:51:45,968 See ya. 1202 00:51:57,946 --> 00:51:59,816 I smelled it? 1203 00:52:00,816 --> 00:52:03,051 You fucking idiot. 1204 00:52:03,084 --> 00:52:05,454 I smelled it? 1205 00:52:05,488 --> 00:52:06,689 Adam, what'd you smell, dude? 1206 00:52:06,722 --> 00:52:08,723 Was it that girl? Was she here? 1207 00:52:08,756 --> 00:52:09,858 I bet her titties were out today, 1208 00:52:09,892 --> 00:52:11,060 it's so hot out. 1209 00:52:11,093 --> 00:52:12,728 Did you see them? Were they big? 1210 00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:13,929 Pleasant? Normal? Medium size? 1211 00:52:13,963 --> 00:52:15,665 I don't know titties. 1212 00:52:15,698 --> 00:52:16,900 I'm gay. 1213 00:52:34,716 --> 00:52:36,885 -Hey. -Hey, man. 1214 00:52:36,919 --> 00:52:38,554 Wash your hands and put on a clean shirt. 1215 00:52:38,586 --> 00:52:39,955 What for? 1216 00:52:39,988 --> 00:52:41,022 Shoot, they're early. 1217 00:52:41,055 --> 00:52:42,724 Who's early? 1218 00:52:42,758 --> 00:52:45,026 Adam, why don't you put on one of your father's shirts? 1219 00:52:45,060 --> 00:52:46,084 Chris, do you mind answering the door, please? 1220 00:52:46,085 --> 00:52:46,596 Whatever you say, Karen. 1221 00:52:46,629 --> 00:52:48,598 Why do I have to change? 1222 00:52:48,631 --> 00:52:52,033 Your mom invited Dorothy cuda and her mother over for dinner tonight. 1223 00:52:52,066 --> 00:52:53,935 What? Why? Why did you do that? 1224 00:52:53,968 --> 00:52:56,004 Relax. Don't be nervous. 1225 00:52:56,037 --> 00:52:57,873 Dorothy likes you. Her mother told me so. 1226 00:52:57,906 --> 00:52:59,675 Yeah, well what if I don't like Dorothy cuda? 1227 00:52:59,707 --> 00:53:01,743 How could you not like Dorothy cuda? 1228 00:53:01,776 --> 00:53:03,078 Well, there's a lot of reasons why 1229 00:53:03,111 --> 00:53:04,579 I couldn't like Dorothy cuda. 1230 00:53:04,613 --> 00:53:07,082 Welcome, welcome. Father O'Malley. Martha. 1231 00:53:07,115 --> 00:53:08,550 What are you doing here? 1232 00:53:08,584 --> 00:53:10,553 What are you doing out of bed, Adam? 1233 00:53:10,586 --> 00:53:12,021 What? 1234 00:53:12,053 --> 00:53:14,856 Now, I'm not here to impose. 1235 00:53:14,890 --> 00:53:16,893 I know this is a difficult time. 1236 00:53:16,926 --> 00:53:19,529 So enjoy your last meal with your family. 1237 00:53:19,562 --> 00:53:21,531 I can give last rites afterwards. 1238 00:53:21,564 --> 00:53:24,133 Last rites? Why would you give my son last rites? 1239 00:53:25,633 --> 00:53:27,669 He's about to die. Isn't he? 1240 00:53:27,702 --> 00:53:29,604 -What? -No. 1241 00:53:29,638 --> 00:53:33,109 I'm... I'm sorry, father but it's worse than death. 1242 00:53:33,142 --> 00:53:35,877 It's a matter of eternal damnation. 1243 00:53:35,910 --> 00:53:37,780 Adam, what on earth is she talking about? 1244 00:53:42,651 --> 00:53:43,786 I'm gay, mom. 1245 00:53:43,818 --> 00:53:45,287 That is not funny. 1246 00:53:45,321 --> 00:53:47,990 Do not joke like that in front of father O'Malley. 1247 00:53:48,022 --> 00:53:50,825 I'm serious. I'm gay. I'm gay. 1248 00:53:50,859 --> 00:53:51,928 I like guys. 1249 00:53:53,095 --> 00:53:54,930 But... What about Dorothy cuda? 1250 00:53:54,964 --> 00:53:56,599 -What about Dorothy... -she's on her way. 1251 00:53:56,631 --> 00:53:58,667 I don't understand why you don't understand this. 1252 00:53:58,700 --> 00:54:00,235 I'm gay. I'm gay. 1253 00:54:00,269 --> 00:54:02,071 Like... like... 1254 00:54:06,709 --> 00:54:08,111 So stop forcing Dorothy cuda on me. 1255 00:54:09,144 --> 00:54:11,247 Adam, 1256 00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,649 I was eating that. 1257 00:54:13,682 --> 00:54:15,602 Seriously? You're upset about a frickin' sausage? 1258 00:54:23,926 --> 00:54:25,361 Come on. No, dude. 1259 00:54:25,394 --> 00:54:27,629 The night is set. We're going to Duffy's. 1260 00:54:27,662 --> 00:54:28,863 What about Adam? 1261 00:54:28,897 --> 00:54:31,300 We will be there for him... at Duffy's. 1262 00:54:31,332 --> 00:54:32,934 Come on guys. 1263 00:54:32,968 --> 00:54:34,337 How many strip clubs have we dragged Adam to? 1264 00:54:34,370 --> 00:54:35,638 Okay, that's irrelevant. 1265 00:54:35,671 --> 00:54:36,839 How many dollars has he shoved 1266 00:54:36,872 --> 00:54:38,674 down skanky Russian breasts for you? 1267 00:54:38,707 --> 00:54:40,609 And how many times has he fixed your piece of shit car? 1268 00:54:40,642 --> 00:54:43,244 -My car is not a piece of shit. -It's a piece of shit. 1269 00:54:43,278 --> 00:54:44,879 When Adam came out, I told him, 1270 00:54:44,912 --> 00:54:48,316 I promised him that nothing was gonna change. 1271 00:54:48,350 --> 00:54:50,653 I think we've been pretty fucking cool about that. 1272 00:54:50,685 --> 00:54:53,990 We've done a descent job, but it's not good enough. 1273 00:54:54,022 --> 00:54:55,124 Things should change. 1274 00:54:56,658 --> 00:54:58,760 He needs this, boys. 1275 00:54:58,794 --> 00:55:00,129 He needs us. 1276 00:55:16,912 --> 00:55:21,017 So where we going? 1277 00:55:21,050 --> 00:55:22,730 You're serious... you're not gonna tell me? 1278 00:55:24,919 --> 00:55:27,789 Okay. 1279 00:55:30,926 --> 00:55:35,865 All right. 1280 00:55:35,897 --> 00:55:39,434 Are we really gonna... 1281 00:55:39,468 --> 00:55:43,406 Seriously? 1282 00:55:43,439 --> 00:55:46,008 Remember, don't make eye contact with anyone. 1283 00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:47,142 Never leave each other's sight. 1284 00:55:47,176 --> 00:55:48,177 No matter what. 1285 00:55:50,078 --> 00:55:52,814 Wait for us. 1286 00:56:22,377 --> 00:56:23,946 Can we get four buds? 1287 00:56:23,979 --> 00:56:25,982 Actually, can you make those vodka sodas? 1288 00:56:27,883 --> 00:56:29,819 We're in a gay bar. 1289 00:56:29,852 --> 00:56:32,088 Vodka sodas it is. 1290 00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:33,789 There's actually some girls here. 1291 00:56:33,821 --> 00:56:34,990 We didn't come all the way downtown 1292 00:56:35,022 --> 00:56:36,492 for you to be looking at girls. 1293 00:56:36,524 --> 00:56:37,959 Yeah, man. You better get at least eight dudes' 1294 00:56:37,993 --> 00:56:39,161 phone numbers tonight, 1295 00:56:39,193 --> 00:56:41,263 and they better be fucking adorable. 1296 00:56:47,102 --> 00:56:48,270 -Cheers. -Cheers. 1297 00:56:48,303 --> 00:56:51,207 First time in a... okay. Nice. 1298 00:56:51,240 --> 00:56:54,109 Act like you've been there before, boys. 1299 00:56:54,142 --> 00:56:55,410 Should we dance? 1300 00:56:55,443 --> 00:56:56,911 No. I'm good. 1301 00:56:56,944 --> 00:56:58,147 Aw man, how are you going to meet anybody 1302 00:56:58,180 --> 00:56:59,982 with your back up against the bar? 1303 00:57:00,015 --> 00:57:02,118 Let's go. 1304 00:57:02,151 --> 00:57:04,986 I'll hold down. Make sure no one roofies us. 1305 00:57:06,354 --> 00:57:08,857 So much for sticking together. 1306 00:57:08,890 --> 00:57:10,492 Come on, baby. Bring your "a" game. 1307 00:57:16,464 --> 00:57:17,733 It's weird. 1308 00:57:20,836 --> 00:57:22,004 -Like? -Relax. 1309 00:57:22,037 --> 00:57:24,006 Feel the groove, man. 1310 00:57:24,039 --> 00:57:25,006 There we go. 1311 00:57:25,039 --> 00:57:26,274 Yeah? Okay. 1312 00:57:26,307 --> 00:57:27,909 -You look hot. -All right, thanks. 1313 00:57:27,943 --> 00:57:30,146 You look really, really good. 1314 00:57:30,178 --> 00:57:32,013 -Shake your dick, let's go. -All right. 1315 00:57:32,046 --> 00:57:33,048 Show him how it's done, man. 1316 00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:34,349 Show him how it's done. 1317 00:57:34,383 --> 00:57:36,919 Whoa. There you go. 1318 00:57:38,053 --> 00:57:40,056 Shot, please. 1319 00:57:47,495 --> 00:57:48,865 Wait for me, guys. 1320 00:58:06,247 --> 00:58:08,283 -Adam? -Hi, what are you doing here? 1321 00:58:08,316 --> 00:58:10,351 -Hi. -Are you... wait one second. 1322 00:58:10,385 --> 00:58:11,385 Chris. 1323 00:58:14,488 --> 00:58:16,391 -Hey. -What are you doing here? 1324 00:58:16,425 --> 00:58:19,327 I'm here with my brother and his boyfriend. 1325 00:58:19,361 --> 00:58:21,230 And they're really hitting it off with your friend. 1326 00:58:21,263 --> 00:58:23,265 They sure are. 1327 00:58:23,298 --> 00:58:26,502 Look, the voice-mail that I left you... 1328 00:58:26,535 --> 00:58:28,571 -What? -The voice-mail I left the other night. 1329 00:58:28,604 --> 00:58:30,406 I'm sorry, I don't know what... 1330 00:58:30,439 --> 00:58:32,441 it's fine. Don't worry about it. 1331 00:58:32,473 --> 00:58:34,276 Let's just dance. 1332 00:58:34,309 --> 00:58:36,912 Okay. 1333 00:58:56,999 --> 00:58:59,501 So that's the last time I order a hotdog in a gay bar. 1334 00:59:01,336 --> 00:59:03,638 So how was your guys' fist time in a gay bar? 1335 00:59:03,671 --> 00:59:06,140 I was just dancing. That is all. 1336 00:59:06,173 --> 00:59:07,942 Honestly, I thought it'd be a lot gayer. 1337 00:59:07,975 --> 00:59:09,477 I'm kinda disappointed. 1338 00:59:09,510 --> 00:59:11,312 It was good. 1339 00:59:11,345 --> 00:59:12,614 It was really good. 1340 00:59:12,647 --> 00:59:14,550 It was good. So how'd you two meet? 1341 00:59:14,582 --> 00:59:17,019 Actually we worked at the same office for years. 1342 00:59:17,051 --> 00:59:19,454 I was already out to everyone there, Steve wasn't. 1343 00:59:19,488 --> 00:59:22,156 So things developed rather slowly. 1344 00:59:22,189 --> 00:59:24,325 Eight months of asking to borrow his hole-puncher, 1345 00:59:24,359 --> 00:59:26,061 I thought he'd get the hint. 1346 00:59:26,093 --> 00:59:27,262 So there's just one thing 1347 00:59:27,296 --> 00:59:29,298 that I still can't wrap my head around... 1348 00:59:29,330 --> 00:59:33,269 how does a gay man let his sister walk out in public 1349 00:59:33,301 --> 00:59:34,502 with a Fanny pack on? 1350 00:59:34,535 --> 00:59:35,604 What? 1351 00:59:37,571 --> 00:59:40,008 -A lot of testosterone. -Nice. 1352 00:59:41,310 --> 00:59:43,012 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Tracy. 1353 00:59:43,044 --> 00:59:44,613 I can do better, trust me. 1354 00:59:44,646 --> 00:59:45,981 Wait, what did you call me? 1355 00:59:46,013 --> 00:59:48,149 -Tracy. -Who's Tracy? 1356 00:59:52,187 --> 00:59:54,957 Who isn't Tracy? 1357 00:59:54,990 --> 00:59:58,093 Okay, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 1358 00:59:58,126 --> 00:59:59,461 Trainy, Tracy, trainy. 1359 00:59:59,493 --> 01:00:02,263 Just doesn't... It's so funny. 1360 01:00:02,296 --> 01:00:05,066 Trainy? You think that my name is trainy? 1361 01:00:07,401 --> 01:00:10,039 He's kidding. He does... he does that. 1362 01:00:10,071 --> 01:00:12,040 Like calls people "trainy." 1363 01:00:12,073 --> 01:00:13,541 -Hey trainy. -He called me train for five years. 1364 01:00:13,575 --> 01:00:15,077 He called me trainy tranny when I came out. 1365 01:00:15,109 --> 01:00:17,445 -He's a train guy. -Yeah. 1366 01:00:17,479 --> 01:00:19,181 Wait, so what is my name? 1367 01:00:22,084 --> 01:00:24,086 Could we have the check? 1368 01:00:30,492 --> 01:00:31,526 I love this part. 1369 01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:34,396 Yeah, me too. 1370 01:00:34,428 --> 01:00:35,497 That guy's as ugly as you. 1371 01:00:35,530 --> 01:00:37,533 Hey, shut up. 1372 01:00:41,769 --> 01:00:44,439 Tricia. Maybe it's tricia. 1373 01:00:45,439 --> 01:00:46,508 Maybe. 1374 01:00:46,540 --> 01:00:47,642 Should I text her that? 1375 01:00:47,676 --> 01:00:49,178 No, it's like 4�m. 1376 01:00:50,479 --> 01:00:52,314 Yeah. 1377 01:00:52,347 --> 01:00:56,484 You're right. Only bad things can happen. 1378 01:01:01,055 --> 01:01:02,357 You get any dudes' numbers tonight? 1379 01:01:02,390 --> 01:01:03,591 -No. -What? 1380 01:01:03,624 --> 01:01:05,226 I was too busy dancing with you guys. 1381 01:01:05,260 --> 01:01:07,396 My god. 1382 01:01:07,428 --> 01:01:08,997 We were totally cockblocking you. 1383 01:01:09,031 --> 01:01:11,200 Yeah, it's okay. 1384 01:01:11,232 --> 01:01:12,533 I had a really fun time. 1385 01:01:12,566 --> 01:01:14,502 Yeah, me too. 1386 01:01:15,736 --> 01:01:18,006 Me too. 1387 01:01:22,676 --> 01:01:24,479 The fuck, man? 1388 01:01:27,481 --> 01:01:29,150 I thought you were... 1389 01:01:33,789 --> 01:01:35,256 Man, I'm sorry. 1390 01:01:42,631 --> 01:01:44,466 -I should go. -No man, don't go. 1391 01:01:44,499 --> 01:01:46,602 I'm sorry, I was... 1392 01:01:46,635 --> 01:01:48,636 I'm drunk. I thought... you don't... 1393 01:02:40,122 --> 01:02:42,424 Chris? What's happening? 1394 01:02:42,457 --> 01:02:44,126 Just give me a minute. 1395 01:02:44,158 --> 01:02:45,426 What's wrong with it? 1396 01:02:45,459 --> 01:02:46,828 Nothing's wrong with it. Just stop talking, 1397 01:02:46,861 --> 01:02:48,396 -you're making it worse. -I'm sorry. 1398 01:02:48,430 --> 01:02:51,232 I've just never been with a man who... 1399 01:02:51,265 --> 01:02:52,633 a man who what? 1400 01:02:52,667 --> 01:02:54,703 I'm a little drunk. Just... 1401 01:02:54,736 --> 01:02:55,871 Ahem... 1402 01:02:55,903 --> 01:02:57,305 Maybe if we put it in your mouth... 1403 01:02:57,339 --> 01:02:59,241 No, it's not your fucking birthday. 1404 01:02:59,274 --> 01:03:02,211 -Just suck on it. -Why don't you have Adam suck it? 1405 01:03:02,243 --> 01:03:03,812 Jesus. 1406 01:03:03,845 --> 01:03:06,214 Fuck you. 1407 01:03:06,247 --> 01:03:07,448 Wha... 1408 01:03:07,481 --> 01:03:10,184 I was just joking. 1409 01:03:10,218 --> 01:03:12,120 -Why are you so mad? -I'm not mad. 1410 01:03:13,888 --> 01:03:14,890 Wait. He didn't, did he? 1411 01:03:14,923 --> 01:03:16,158 No, he didn't. 1412 01:03:16,191 --> 01:03:17,392 Did Adam suck your cock? 1413 01:03:17,425 --> 01:03:19,193 No he didn't fucking suck my dick. 1414 01:03:19,227 --> 01:03:21,396 -Jesus Christ. -And you liked it, didn't you? 1415 01:03:21,428 --> 01:03:22,396 No, just stop talking about it. 1416 01:03:22,430 --> 01:03:23,632 How 'bout that? 1417 01:03:23,664 --> 01:03:24,666 Fine. 1418 01:03:33,707 --> 01:03:36,177 You have one new voice message. 1419 01:03:37,178 --> 01:03:38,914 First voice message. 1420 01:03:38,946 --> 01:03:40,214 Hey Chris, it's me. 1421 01:03:40,247 --> 01:03:41,883 I can't believe that happened. 1422 01:03:41,917 --> 01:03:43,919 I'm so fucking sorry, I'm an idiot. 1423 01:03:43,952 --> 01:03:45,587 I'm... i was drunk. 1424 01:03:45,620 --> 01:03:46,688 And I just... 1425 01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:47,923 I don't know what I thought 1426 01:03:47,955 --> 01:03:50,126 but can you just call me back, please? 1427 01:04:00,568 --> 01:04:02,370 Message deleted. 1428 01:04:26,528 --> 01:04:27,963 Hey man, where the fuck are you? 1429 01:04:27,995 --> 01:04:29,731 We're playing flag football at four. 1430 01:04:29,763 --> 01:04:32,533 Yeah, I don't know, man. 1431 01:04:32,566 --> 01:04:33,734 Is Chris gonna be there? 1432 01:04:33,767 --> 01:04:34,802 What? What's going on with you two? 1433 01:04:34,836 --> 01:04:35,803 He asked me the same thing? 1434 01:04:35,836 --> 01:04:37,605 Well, what'd you say? 1435 01:04:37,638 --> 01:04:40,209 I said, "yeah. Our undefeated season is on the line." 1436 01:04:43,444 --> 01:04:45,580 Yeah. Yeah, I'll totally... 1437 01:04:45,613 --> 01:04:47,915 Yeah, man. 1438 01:04:47,948 --> 01:04:49,417 Okay. See you then. 1439 01:06:21,810 --> 01:06:24,479 -I'm really glad you called. -Yeah. 1440 01:06:24,511 --> 01:06:25,814 What are you doing for the fourth of July? 1441 01:06:25,847 --> 01:06:27,482 'Cause you should come over. 1442 01:06:27,515 --> 01:06:30,018 My wife makes the most amazing potato salad. 1443 01:06:30,051 --> 01:06:31,486 And I could totally sneak some down to you 1444 01:06:31,519 --> 01:06:33,488 after the fireworks. 1445 01:06:33,521 --> 01:06:37,492 I don't know. I think I'm gonna go to a party. 1446 01:06:37,524 --> 01:06:39,360 Okay, really? 'Cause you don't sound so sure. 1447 01:06:40,495 --> 01:06:42,397 Yeah, it's just... 1448 01:06:42,430 --> 01:06:46,033 I usually go with Chris, my ex-fiancﾉ. 1449 01:06:46,066 --> 01:06:48,436 But I don't know. 1450 01:06:48,470 --> 01:06:49,937 I don't think he wants me there. 1451 01:06:49,970 --> 01:06:52,039 Okay. What, does he own you? 1452 01:06:52,073 --> 01:06:53,908 -He owns you? -No. 1453 01:06:53,941 --> 01:06:55,510 Who cares what he thinks. 1454 01:06:55,542 --> 01:06:57,812 I do. 1455 01:06:57,845 --> 01:06:58,914 So you've still got it real bad 1456 01:06:58,946 --> 01:07:00,749 for this guy, don't you? 1457 01:07:00,781 --> 01:07:02,850 He must really know how to get you off good. 1458 01:07:02,883 --> 01:07:05,386 No, man. Why? No. Not everything's about sex. 1459 01:07:05,419 --> 01:07:07,822 Okay, then what's it about? 1460 01:07:07,856 --> 01:07:10,658 I miss him. 1461 01:07:11,926 --> 01:07:13,761 Does he know how you feel? 1462 01:07:13,794 --> 01:07:15,796 'Cause you gotta communicate. 1463 01:07:15,830 --> 01:07:18,567 Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. 1464 01:07:18,600 --> 01:07:20,769 Really? And how would you know? 1465 01:07:20,801 --> 01:07:23,972 How would I know? I've been happily married for 17 years. 1466 01:07:24,004 --> 01:07:25,006 That's how I'd know. 1467 01:07:29,410 --> 01:07:30,378 What do you say we go in the bathroom 1468 01:07:30,412 --> 01:07:31,613 and suck each other off? 1469 01:08:14,622 --> 01:08:15,822 It smells really good in here. 1470 01:08:17,559 --> 01:08:19,427 What did you guys have for dinner? 1471 01:08:19,461 --> 01:08:20,628 Is that what you came over at 10:00 at night 1472 01:08:20,662 --> 01:08:21,763 to talk about? 1473 01:08:28,602 --> 01:08:30,972 I'm really sorry if you're ashamed of me. 1474 01:08:32,906 --> 01:08:34,042 Is that what you think? 1475 01:08:34,074 --> 01:08:36,510 We're ashamed of you? 1476 01:08:36,543 --> 01:08:38,012 I'm not ashamed of you. 1477 01:08:38,046 --> 01:08:39,647 I'm pissed off. 1478 01:08:39,681 --> 01:08:42,084 You kept a whole part of your life from us. 1479 01:08:44,017 --> 01:08:45,453 How long have you known? 1480 01:08:45,486 --> 01:08:46,587 I don't know, like... 1481 01:08:48,589 --> 01:08:51,493 -Like ten years. -Ten years? 1482 01:08:51,525 --> 01:08:53,194 My god. I should've known. 1483 01:08:53,227 --> 01:08:54,962 A mother should know these things. 1484 01:08:54,995 --> 01:08:59,200 I didn't even know. I just... 1485 01:08:59,234 --> 01:09:00,554 I just knew that I felt different. 1486 01:09:03,538 --> 01:09:05,138 And I didn't know why boobs were so cool. 1487 01:09:06,106 --> 01:09:07,842 You still could've told me. 1488 01:09:07,876 --> 01:09:09,144 I wanted to, but I just... 1489 01:09:10,645 --> 01:09:11,980 You always mentioned girlfriends. 1490 01:09:12,012 --> 01:09:13,114 I thought you were shy. 1491 01:09:15,182 --> 01:09:17,819 I am. 1492 01:09:17,851 --> 01:09:19,620 I'm gay. And I'm shy. 1493 01:09:19,654 --> 01:09:20,656 Well, I don't care. 1494 01:09:22,089 --> 01:09:23,190 I don't care if you're the gayest, 1495 01:09:23,223 --> 01:09:26,127 shyest kid in all of America. 1496 01:09:26,159 --> 01:09:28,596 You're my son. And I love you. 1497 01:09:37,238 --> 01:09:38,272 I love you too. 1498 01:09:40,173 --> 01:09:42,743 Just don't ever do that to one of my sausages again. 1499 01:09:42,776 --> 01:09:44,913 Okay. 1500 01:09:48,048 --> 01:09:50,118 Honey, is there anything you want to add? 1501 01:09:54,321 --> 01:09:55,891 I'll get the iced tea. 1502 01:10:06,266 --> 01:10:08,636 I... heard the ortus are getting the good fireworks 1503 01:10:08,669 --> 01:10:10,204 this year. 1504 01:10:10,238 --> 01:10:13,307 Shipped all the way from China. 1505 01:10:13,341 --> 01:10:16,745 Yeah. I don't think I'm gonna go. 1506 01:10:16,778 --> 01:10:18,980 Did you forget to rsvp? 1507 01:10:19,012 --> 01:10:21,917 'Cause you know you can't get the good ribs unless you rsvp. 1508 01:10:21,949 --> 01:10:23,718 Yeah, that's what I hear. 1509 01:10:26,820 --> 01:10:30,324 I screwed up. 1510 01:10:30,357 --> 01:10:33,028 I screwed up big time, dad. 1511 01:10:33,061 --> 01:10:35,597 Just keep being yourself. 1512 01:10:35,629 --> 01:10:36,829 And if you get hungry tomorrow, 1513 01:10:38,165 --> 01:10:40,901 you can have some of my ribs. 1514 01:10:40,935 --> 01:10:43,038 Okay? 1515 01:10:43,070 --> 01:10:45,073 Yeah. 1516 01:11:14,735 --> 01:11:16,637 Let's go, Chris. 1517 01:11:16,671 --> 01:11:20,909 Our reservation is in less than 30 minutes. 1518 01:11:20,941 --> 01:11:23,645 Okay, 30 minutes is plenty of time to get to cheesecake factory. 1519 01:11:43,431 --> 01:11:44,633 Adam. 1520 01:11:45,667 --> 01:11:47,267 Hey. 1521 01:11:47,301 --> 01:11:49,971 Dorothy cuda. Wow. You look great. 1522 01:11:50,003 --> 01:11:51,071 -Thank you. -How are you? 1523 01:11:51,105 --> 01:11:52,073 -Really good. -Good. 1524 01:11:52,105 --> 01:11:54,642 Yeah. How are you? 1525 01:11:54,676 --> 01:11:56,910 Good. I'm good. 1526 01:11:56,944 --> 01:11:59,948 I'm gay now. In case my mom didn't tell everybody. 1527 01:11:59,980 --> 01:12:01,382 She did. I... i heard. 1528 01:12:01,415 --> 01:12:02,618 -I'm sure. -Yeah. 1529 01:12:03,717 --> 01:12:05,319 Is it true, 1530 01:12:05,352 --> 01:12:07,154 you shoved a sausage down your... 1531 01:12:08,221 --> 01:12:09,423 Yep. Yep. 1532 01:12:09,457 --> 01:12:12,660 -Yeah? -I did that. 1533 01:12:12,694 --> 01:12:14,294 Happens to everybody. Right? 1534 01:12:14,328 --> 01:12:15,864 Does it? 1535 01:12:17,230 --> 01:12:18,632 Do you wanna go to the party? 1536 01:12:22,704 --> 01:12:25,006 Yeah. Yeah. 1537 01:12:25,038 --> 01:12:26,040 Let's do it. 1538 01:12:35,016 --> 01:12:36,451 Okay, I'll see ya. 1539 01:12:40,253 --> 01:12:42,189 Dude, did you really just do a casual slow-mo walk up in here 1540 01:12:42,222 --> 01:12:43,190 with Dorothy cuda? 1541 01:12:43,223 --> 01:12:44,426 Are you straight now? 1542 01:12:44,458 --> 01:12:46,860 No. Definitely, definitely still gay. 1543 01:12:46,894 --> 01:12:49,164 Thank god. So you're gonna put in a good word for me, right? 1544 01:12:49,196 --> 01:12:51,165 She's way out of your league, Nick. 1545 01:12:51,199 --> 01:12:52,434 What do you know, you're with that idiot. 1546 01:12:52,467 --> 01:12:56,037 Yeah. Happy fourth of July, dipshits. 1547 01:12:56,070 --> 01:12:57,105 Welcome to the ortus'. 1548 01:12:57,137 --> 01:12:58,105 Baby, you like my outfit? 1549 01:12:58,138 --> 01:12:59,373 You're so sexy. 1550 01:12:59,406 --> 01:13:01,376 Just like a burly Benjamin Franklin. 1551 01:13:01,409 --> 01:13:03,912 Did you guys know Benjamin Franklin died of syphilis? 1552 01:13:03,945 --> 01:13:05,113 Fact. He did. 1553 01:13:05,145 --> 01:13:06,847 Hey, well worth the risk. 1554 01:13:09,016 --> 01:13:11,086 So do you guys know where Chris is? 1555 01:13:11,119 --> 01:13:15,056 I texted earlier, but he's being flaky as shit, so... 1556 01:13:15,088 --> 01:13:17,357 Yeah. I haven't talked to him for a while, 1557 01:13:17,391 --> 01:13:18,793 but I'm sure he's gonna show up. 1558 01:13:18,825 --> 01:13:19,961 What's going on with you two guys? 1559 01:13:19,994 --> 01:13:21,763 Dude, it's freakin' Jess. Okay? 1560 01:13:21,796 --> 01:13:23,897 She's got him by the balls. Power of the pussy. 1561 01:13:23,931 --> 01:13:25,900 You have no idea how dangerous it could be. 1562 01:13:25,932 --> 01:13:27,334 Have you guys fucking read MacBeth? 1563 01:13:37,477 --> 01:13:39,247 Can you please turn the radio down? 1564 01:13:39,279 --> 01:13:40,279 I can't even think. 1565 01:13:44,017 --> 01:13:46,754 Is that a prius with two kayaks on it? 1566 01:13:46,788 --> 01:13:48,790 Who the fuck cares? 1567 01:13:57,899 --> 01:13:58,967 And a "save the whales" bumper sticker. 1568 01:13:58,999 --> 01:14:00,935 What are you doing? 1569 01:14:00,967 --> 01:14:04,372 The cheesecake factory is on the other side of the mall. 1570 01:14:04,404 --> 01:14:07,307 Do me a favor, hand me that hockey stick. 1571 01:14:07,341 --> 01:14:10,912 I am not walking all the way over there. 1572 01:14:21,556 --> 01:14:25,293 Chris, I am sick of your bullshit. 1573 01:14:25,325 --> 01:14:27,294 Get back in the car, limp-dick. 1574 01:14:27,328 --> 01:14:28,997 We're going to be late. 1575 01:14:33,935 --> 01:14:36,370 Jessica, I think we should break up. 1576 01:14:36,404 --> 01:14:37,405 Forever. 1577 01:14:42,176 --> 01:14:44,279 Sorry about this. 1578 01:14:44,311 --> 01:14:46,013 Maybe not. 1579 01:14:51,052 --> 01:14:52,086 All right. 1580 01:14:59,526 --> 01:15:00,796 Hey, is she looking? 1581 01:15:04,865 --> 01:15:06,600 No, man. 1582 01:15:06,633 --> 01:15:09,102 Fuck you, man. 1583 01:15:09,136 --> 01:15:10,136 Aw, fuck. 1584 01:15:14,040 --> 01:15:16,077 Hey. I'm sorry about the other day. 1585 01:15:17,477 --> 01:15:18,677 -The sausage thing. -It's okay. 1586 01:15:19,946 --> 01:15:22,083 Cookie? 1587 01:15:22,115 --> 01:15:24,151 -Go ahead, take two. -Okay. 1588 01:15:24,185 --> 01:15:25,620 Today we're all on the same side. 1589 01:15:25,653 --> 01:15:27,088 -Whose, god's? -No. 1590 01:15:27,120 --> 01:15:29,289 Don't be silly. America's. 1591 01:15:29,323 --> 01:15:31,626 Do you think your gay lovers would want some cookies? 1592 01:15:31,659 --> 01:15:33,494 What did you call us? 1593 01:15:33,526 --> 01:15:34,561 Is that chocolate chip? 1594 01:15:34,595 --> 01:15:36,030 Oatmeal raisin. 1595 01:15:36,062 --> 01:15:37,397 The vegetable of cookies. 1596 01:15:46,140 --> 01:15:49,177 -Here you go, man. -Thank you very much. 1597 01:15:52,913 --> 01:15:54,214 Attention. Attention everyone. 1598 01:15:54,248 --> 01:15:55,516 I've got an announcement. 1599 01:15:55,548 --> 01:15:57,084 Are the ribs ready? 1600 01:15:57,118 --> 01:15:59,053 No father O'Malley, they're not ready yet. 1601 01:15:59,086 --> 01:16:01,189 I promise you won't miss out this year. Okay? 1602 01:16:01,221 --> 01:16:03,223 If we could just get the music turned down a little bit, 1603 01:16:03,257 --> 01:16:04,392 I just want to say something. 1604 01:16:05,426 --> 01:16:07,428 Guys? 1605 01:16:07,461 --> 01:16:09,062 You guys know what that means, right? 1606 01:16:09,096 --> 01:16:10,064 What's up, Chris? 1607 01:16:10,096 --> 01:16:11,064 -Hey. -Hey beautiful. 1608 01:16:11,097 --> 01:16:12,199 How are you? 1609 01:16:12,232 --> 01:16:13,968 What am I fucking wood here? 1610 01:16:15,136 --> 01:16:17,004 Hey, man. You came. 1611 01:16:17,038 --> 01:16:18,973 Yeah, well, I rsvp'd, so... 1612 01:16:19,006 --> 01:16:19,973 Where's Jess? 1613 01:16:20,007 --> 01:16:21,910 We broke up. 1614 01:16:21,943 --> 01:16:23,945 What does that mean? You're not gonna fuck her anymore? 1615 01:16:23,977 --> 01:16:26,480 I don't think I could fuck her if I wanted to. 1616 01:16:26,513 --> 01:16:28,593 That's awesome, man. You can do way better than Jess. 1617 01:16:29,684 --> 01:16:32,119 What's that supposed to mean? 1618 01:16:32,153 --> 01:16:33,186 You guys weren't right for each other. 1619 01:16:33,220 --> 01:16:34,655 You didn't even like her. 1620 01:16:34,689 --> 01:16:36,290 How do you know how I feel? You don't know shit. 1621 01:16:36,324 --> 01:16:38,059 Don't talk to me like that. You said you hated her. 1622 01:16:38,092 --> 01:16:40,261 You told me you were straight our whole fucking lives 1623 01:16:40,293 --> 01:16:41,314 and then you tried to make out with me. 1624 01:16:41,315 --> 01:16:41,995 What? When did that happen? 1625 01:16:42,029 --> 01:16:43,531 No, I thought you were trying to kiss me... 1626 01:16:43,564 --> 01:16:45,432 -man, fucking get over it. -Get over it? 1627 01:16:45,466 --> 01:16:47,334 I was sad and desperate, I would've tried it with anybody. 1628 01:16:47,368 --> 01:16:49,637 I'm not anybody, dude. I'm your best fucking friend. 1629 01:16:49,669 --> 01:16:51,538 -Hey. Hey. Hey. -I'm so sorry 1630 01:16:51,571 --> 01:16:53,240 -that my being gay inconvenienced you. -Hey, guys... 1631 01:16:53,274 --> 01:16:54,242 why didn't you tell me you were gay 1632 01:16:54,275 --> 01:16:55,376 20 fucking years ago? 1633 01:16:55,409 --> 01:16:56,477 I was three. 1634 01:16:56,510 --> 01:16:58,178 Jesus, come on. 1635 01:16:58,212 --> 01:16:59,981 The ribs are ready. 1636 01:17:00,013 --> 01:17:03,450 Dad, terrible timing, okay. I'm sorry. 1637 01:17:03,484 --> 01:17:07,588 Look, guys. Cheer the fuck up. It's fourth of July. 1638 01:17:07,620 --> 01:17:11,725 We're here gathered today to celebrate our country's independence. 1639 01:17:11,758 --> 01:17:13,226 Red, white and blue. 1640 01:17:13,260 --> 01:17:16,064 Ribs, beer, friends, family, whatever. 1641 01:17:16,096 --> 01:17:18,398 But the most important thing to me right now is that 1642 01:17:18,431 --> 01:17:20,068 I don't wanna be independent anymore. 1643 01:17:21,769 --> 01:17:25,472 Michelle Valentino, can we stop fucking around, 1644 01:17:25,506 --> 01:17:27,575 and make me the luckiest man that ever lived? 1645 01:17:27,607 --> 01:17:28,709 Will you marry me? 1646 01:17:31,645 --> 01:17:33,414 -Yes. -Good answer. 1647 01:17:35,682 --> 01:17:37,584 Do I know what I'm doing? I don't know. 1648 01:17:40,454 --> 01:17:41,990 You're gonna be an ortu. 1649 01:17:47,494 --> 01:17:48,695 Congratulations. 1650 01:17:48,729 --> 01:17:50,731 Dad, please put the ribs down. 1651 01:17:53,367 --> 01:17:55,369 Holy shit. 1652 01:17:55,403 --> 01:17:57,038 Did that just happen? 1653 01:17:59,205 --> 01:18:01,775 Yeah. 1654 01:18:01,809 --> 01:18:04,479 Jesus, man. How long have we not been hanging out? 1655 01:18:04,512 --> 01:18:06,314 I don't know, man. A really fucking long time. 1656 01:18:09,050 --> 01:18:10,618 Hey. Happy fourth of July. 1657 01:18:12,520 --> 01:18:14,254 What are you doing here? 1658 01:18:14,288 --> 01:18:15,991 Adam invited me actually. 1659 01:18:18,324 --> 01:18:19,526 Surprise. 1660 01:18:21,462 --> 01:18:23,462 Sorry, I don't think you guys have been introduced. 1661 01:18:24,731 --> 01:18:26,533 Chris. This is Rachel. 1662 01:18:28,369 --> 01:18:31,506 Rachel. This is Chris. 1663 01:18:31,538 --> 01:18:32,738 It's nice to meet you, Rachel. 1664 01:18:34,675 --> 01:18:37,111 We're getting married! 1665 01:18:38,579 --> 01:18:40,448 Are you gonna be okay? 1666 01:18:40,480 --> 01:18:44,184 That must have come as quite a shock to you. 1667 01:18:44,217 --> 01:18:45,619 You two looked so happy together. 1668 01:18:47,788 --> 01:18:50,725 Seriously. 1669 01:18:50,757 --> 01:18:52,559 This is gonna change everything. 1670 01:18:52,592 --> 01:18:53,560 Hey guys. What's going on? 1671 01:18:53,593 --> 01:18:54,529 Did we miss anything? 1672 01:18:54,561 --> 01:18:55,762 Don't worry, Karen. 1673 01:18:55,796 --> 01:18:56,798 The party's just getting started. 1674 01:18:56,830 --> 01:19:00,068 May I have this dance, mom? 1675 01:19:00,101 --> 01:19:02,270 -What do you say, Rachel? -What just 'cause you know my name now, 1676 01:19:02,302 --> 01:19:03,503 you think I'm gonna dance with you? 1677 01:19:03,537 --> 01:19:04,704 Well, it is dance party. 1678 01:19:04,738 --> 01:19:06,707 Okay, we'll see what you got. 1679 01:19:06,739 --> 01:19:08,542 Hey, Nick. Do you wanna dance? 1680 01:19:12,312 --> 01:19:13,815 Yes. 1681 01:19:13,847 --> 01:19:15,887 So, Adam. When are we gonna see you with a nice boy? 1682 01:19:16,516 --> 01:19:18,718 I don't know, mom. 1683 01:20:33,226 --> 01:20:35,863 I can't believe we burned through $800 worth of fireworks 1684 01:20:35,895 --> 01:20:37,164 in 12 minutes. 1685 01:20:38,199 --> 01:20:39,467 It's money well spent. 1686 01:20:39,499 --> 01:20:40,502 Yeah. 1687 01:20:48,943 --> 01:20:50,878 Man, I'm really sorry 1688 01:20:50,910 --> 01:20:51,811 about everything. 1689 01:20:51,812 --> 01:20:53,614 No, you don't have to be sorry, man. I'm sorry. 1690 01:20:53,646 --> 01:20:55,272 No, you guys have been really cool about this whole time. 1691 01:20:55,273 --> 01:20:55,815 Adam. 1692 01:20:55,848 --> 01:20:57,030 I was stupid and I didn't even mean to. 1693 01:20:57,031 --> 01:20:57,818 I shouldn't have acted like 1694 01:20:57,851 --> 01:20:58,396 it was such a big deal. 1695 01:20:58,397 --> 01:20:59,487 I was lonely, and if I could take it back, 1696 01:20:59,520 --> 01:21:01,222 -I would. But I can't -it wasn't a big deal. 1697 01:21:01,254 --> 01:21:03,254 -It was my fault... -so, can we just forget that... 1698 01:21:08,895 --> 01:21:10,897 how did that feel? 1699 01:21:10,931 --> 01:21:12,367 Honestly? 1700 01:21:15,436 --> 01:21:16,871 Like kissing my brother. 1701 01:21:19,573 --> 01:21:20,841 -You sure? -Yeah. 1702 01:21:20,873 --> 01:21:21,876 -Dude, it's okay. -No, I'm... 1703 01:21:21,909 --> 01:21:23,545 listen, I'm sure. 1704 01:21:26,379 --> 01:21:28,615 Are we good? 1705 01:21:28,649 --> 01:21:30,318 Yeah, man. We're good. 1706 01:21:30,351 --> 01:21:32,353 Good. 1707 01:21:33,686 --> 01:21:35,046 Told you he wanted to fuck me most. 1708 01:21:39,827 --> 01:21:41,829 You never listen, Chris. 1709 01:22:08,689 --> 01:22:11,525 I guess I never met a real life gay dude before. 1710 01:22:11,557 --> 01:22:13,493 I went to high school with a couple of guys that used to make out, 1711 01:22:13,526 --> 01:22:15,863 but that was just for weed. 1712 01:22:15,895 --> 01:22:16,997 And then one time at a party, 1713 01:22:17,030 --> 01:22:19,466 they gave each other handys. 1714 01:22:19,499 --> 01:22:22,403 That was just for... 1715 01:22:22,436 --> 01:22:23,904 Actually, those two guys might have been gay. 1716 01:22:23,936 --> 01:22:25,336 -Yeah, I think they were gay. -Yeah. 1717 01:22:29,409 --> 01:22:30,644 Hey, Ronnie. I got it. 1718 01:22:30,677 --> 01:22:35,882 -Eat your sandwich. -See that? 1719 01:22:35,915 --> 01:22:37,551 -Hey. -Hey. 1720 01:22:37,583 --> 01:22:39,986 Do you remember me? I came in about a month ago. 1721 01:22:40,020 --> 01:22:42,723 Yeah. Definitely remember you. 1722 01:22:42,756 --> 01:22:43,891 Is everything all right? 1723 01:22:43,923 --> 01:22:46,026 Yeah. Everything's great. 1724 01:22:46,060 --> 01:22:48,462 Actually until somebody smacked this off my car. 1725 01:22:48,494 --> 01:22:50,664 No way. Seriously? 1726 01:22:50,698 --> 01:22:51,798 Who would do that? 1727 01:22:51,832 --> 01:22:53,668 I have no idea. 1728 01:22:53,700 --> 01:22:55,935 I mean, you don't need it to drive, but... 1729 01:22:55,968 --> 01:22:57,337 If you want, I can put it back on. 1730 01:22:57,370 --> 01:22:59,039 It just quiets the exhaust. 1731 01:22:59,073 --> 01:23:00,740 It would take a couple minutes. 1732 01:23:00,774 --> 01:23:02,642 Yeah. That'd be great. 1733 01:23:02,676 --> 01:23:05,780 Yeah? Okay. 1734 01:23:05,812 --> 01:23:06,980 I'm Adam, by the way. 1735 01:23:08,548 --> 01:23:09,984 Matt. 1736 01:23:10,016 --> 01:23:12,485 Matt. Cool. 1737 01:23:12,519 --> 01:23:13,519 Very cool.120737