Original subtitles

I don't know if you remember, Anselmo, or maybe it's just me,

how important it was when we were young

to know exactly where to end your sideburns,

especially when there were dances or street festivals.

I remember that back then I told Don Galo, the barber:

"Don Galo, this time, give me a three-finger long sideburn, there's a dance."

More than three fingers, no, because my father would say that I looked like a hustler.

- It was the times. - No, Anselmo, no, no.

- It wasn't the times, it was my father.

One finger was normal and that's how one kept it in the autumn and winter,

but when spring arrived,

Don Galo would ask me: "Salvita, what?

How's it looking out there?" "Looks good.

My cousin Marisa is coming with some friends from Logroño."

"Nothing to do but go for the three fingers"

I'll be right with you.

Times are different now, well, always.

But I'll tell you one thing, Anselmo.

If I had to choose a time in my life

when I was young to re-live,

I don't know which I'd choose, but I'm sure I'd have a three-finger sideburn.

A lot of time has gone by, right?

I'm sorry, do we know each other?

You don't remember me?

I made a lot of work for you about seven and a half, eight years ago.

I think you've got the wrong person.

Welcome to "The Unknown Hour."

Here you'll find... Ring a bell now?

- I don't want to seem rude... - Wasn't it enough that

you took away my program

and made all of Spain believe that I wasn't there?

You also had to convince my whole family that I was insane.

This week is going to be busy.

If I were you, I would leave the three-finger sideburn.

It's been a long time since our last program,

but relax, it will be worth they wait.

I have returned to show you

that the door that I saw that day was real.

I know because I've discovered a place where there are many doors like that one.

It's in the Duque de Alba plaza in Madrid.

Today,

on "Time of the Occult"

we will reveal one of our government's biggest secrets,

the Ministry of Time.

Sincronized and edited by Chitorafa.

-

- Lombardi again. - Lombardi, that name sounds familiar.

He's a nutter with a television program

about paranormal activity and other stupid hoaxes.

- Like what? - Like that Franco was frozen

alongside Walt Disney

or that if you listened to one of Luis Aguilé's records backwards

- your mind would explode. - And forward, too.

Lombardi never found out, but the program was financed

by the Ministry of Time. - I'm sorry?

It was convenient to have a charlatan in our service.

When the Ministry was about to be discovered,

we would broadcast a "Time of the Occult", that's what the show was called,

the more ridiculous the subject, the greater the audience

and the information about the Ministry would go unnoticed.

What is the method of misinformation these days?

The internet and social media take care of the problem.

How did Lombardi discover the Ministry?

While recording psychophonies in Olite castle,

found a door by chance.

Once he went through, he stayed in the Civil War for half an hour.

Of course, he was not so lucky.

He didn't pick our funnest door.

Yes. Thank God we stopped him in time.

We seized the voice recorder he was carrying but...

even though we bricked up the door, he broadcast what he saw

and the show succeeded.

We had to manipulate the audience ratings

so we could censor the show without raising suspicion.

What? Can you manipulate the audience ratings?

We gave away a cruise to everyone with an audiometer.

While they were out, we went into their houses

and turned the TV on Channel 2 (which no one watches)

Never had a Garcí movie has such high ratings.

Later the Prime Minister asked us to convince Spain

- that Lombardi was crazy. - Yes, but how has he discovered us?

Our information is protected by many filters.

We weren't prepared for an eight-year-long obsession.

No one will believe him

No, but the video got half a million views in just one morning.

People have been coming non-stop to the Ministry doors to take pictures.

Let's delete the video, make him disappear again.

- Not yet, that would prove him right. - Yet?

The Prime Minister has activated all the alarms.

If the video gets more than a million views, we'll have to eliminate him.

From the internet?

Eliminate him.

"Let me take this chance to send a warm hello

to the agents at the Ministry of Time.

Maybe they walled up that door

but they're not going to shut me down now.

I only ask you to share my videos with your friends.

If my videos disappear from the internet without warning,

you can be sure that is was them.

They don't want you to know the truth."

What are you doing listening to that idiot?

I think he's funny. How could there be people

coming and going from the past? Can you imagine?

No, of course I can not imagine.

God save me, what nonsense. God save me, God save me.

Fine, whatever, I'll watch it later at home.

- Is there someone waiting for you? - No.

It dings when someone shares the video.

And if I had stayed with someone else, would there be a problem?

I thought that both of us were seeing other people.

Seeing other people? In what sense?

Well I haven't head anyone say that we're a couple.

- Then what are we? - Oh, Alonso...

As old as we are, are you going to force me to label you?

- We should be something, yes? - I don't know, what do you want me to say?

- Fuck buddies? - Fuck... what?

Fuck buddies, yeah. That what it's called these days, right?

- Surely you've heard that around. - Yes, surely.

- Does that bother you? - Not as much as that noise.

It's a trending topic now.

"Trending" what? Is that another "fuck buddy"?

Alonso, if it bothers you,

- we'll talk about it, we're adults. - Bother me?

You aren't seeing anyone else?

No, and I did not... I didn't think you were either.

If you want us to make other plans, we should start by talking about it.

Look.

This place is really cool, it's Indian.

If you want, we could have dinner there.

Would you stop sharing the video, my God.

My friends love it.

It has more than a million views already.

"You can be sure that it was them.

- They don't want you to know the truth." - What a disaster.

1,900,000 views.

- Have you spoken to the Prime Minister's office? - Yes.

The Prime Minister called me himself.

- He's nervous. - That's expected.

The video went viral in such a short time.

I've given Moncloa my word that we'll resolve the problem.

Good answer, but do we know how to resolve it?

For right now, I've told him that we've activate alarm level alpha.

Alarm level alpha. I've never heard that in all my life.

Oh, me either, no,

but I had to tell him something to calm him down.

- I've bought us a few hours. - That's not much time to detain him.

But if we detain Lombardo, we'll still have a legion of followers

- convinced that he's telling the truth. - And he is.

That's the problem.

We have to convince him that he's wrong.

And have you though about how to do that?

I want everyone assembled in six minutes.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we are facing a threat that puts the Ministries existence in danger.

Therefore, I've designed a strategic plan.

I've called Lombardi and invited him to visit us.

What?

Quiet, please.

We have four hours to make

this place into the most boring, normal ministry.

It's not very normal when we enter through a well.

Even better, that way he'll think he's uncovering something.

I don't know, we should have a cover,

be some governement department, have a name for ourselves.

We'll be a subset of the Ministry of Public Works.

The roundabout division.

What is a roundabout?

Alonso, you need to travel less by door and more by car.

Take down the one for the campaign for scarlet fever vaccination.

And what is this? "Stay late to eat suckling pig in 1590."

But why do they never announce these things?

Of course, nothing I say makes you laugh anymore.

We have a lot of work to do. We have to destroy all this.

This is still a Ministry.

"Health Protocol"

- What is that? - An flyer about labor risk prevention

and the results of the singles vs. married tournament.

"Natalia and Ortigosa are getting married" Wow, they have kept that quiet.

Have you heard of discretion?

It's not enough that this looks like a normal ministry.

Lombardi isn't stupid, he'll scrutinize everything.

That's why you have to put one idea in his head.

We are Spanish government employees.

Very good, everyone install solitaire in your computer

- and let Lombardi see it open. - Is minesweeper ok?

Yes, that's good too. Everyone, in an open tab.

And don't even think about minimizing.

And you can't just dress any way you want, no.

Lombardi must leave here with the same impression you get when...

you go to sign up for benefits.

For that, I've contacted one of our agents

who has access to a department store sale in 1996.

He's bringing some bargain bin clothes.

You can pick whatever you want, but remember,

nothing that looks good on you.

Come on, come on.

Very good, leave that coffee machine there

and bring three or four more. Quickly.

Easy for you to say, these things weigh a ton.

Don't complain. When you're the boss, you can order people around.

Here, you have to coordinate it so that there are alway two or three in line

talking about how bad the union is.

Please, don't just grab your coffee and run back to work.

You have to mill around wasting time and gossiping.

Watch those smiles, that will make him suspicious.

Remember, at 2pm everyone goes home.

No one is to work any overtime.

What am I saying?

At least the cutbacks are over.

What are you doing here? Haven't you read the memo?

No one is to leave or enter through the doors, damn it.

- Boss. - What's up?

- He's here, Lombardi's arrived. - That wasn't what we agreed to.

I know, I've tried to convince him to go, but he's not having it.

Let's see how we'll fix this.

You hide in the bathroom, just in case, go on.

Good morning, Mr. Martí.

Good morning.

I'm sorry, Mr. Lombardi, but you are two hours early.

An hour and a half.

But there's no problem if we start a little early, right?

Did you have enough time to cover up what is going on here?

You also didn't tell me that... you were bringing someone else.

If it were up to me, I'd go home right now.

- No... - This is Sonia, my daughter.

I wanted her to witness my victory.

Dad, can you stop talking nonsense, please?

They're going to cover up all this for you?

- Really? - Nice to meet you, Sonia.

You're right. There's nothing to cover up here.

Then there won't be any problem starting the visit now.

Please, none.

This way.

Good. I'll go first, if you don't mind.

As you like.

What a peculiar place.

It's all very strange,

enegmatic.

Are you talking about the cloister? Madrid is full of cloisters.

- And the well, does it function? - No, no.

But it has a certain decorative charm.

I'm not talking about for water.

I mean... Record me!

I mean... does it function as a time machine?

- Dad, it's a well. - You, stay alert, girl.

In this place nothing is as it seems.

Look, for once you're right.

Because this is the entrance to the ministry.

I knew it, everything's secret.

- That's why it's all underground. - Yes, secret,

but not paranormal, I assure you.

We've been keeping the plans for public works here since Spain was Spain

and all the outstanding bills, right, Angustias?

As you can see, much more boring than you imagined.

- Do you want to continue your search? - Of course.

Why a well? Does it symbolise something?

No, the permit office wouldn't give us permission

to make a normal stairwell.

The cobbler's children have no shoes.

- Come with me. - Me first, thanks.

Record this!

He's here already, it can't be.

- He's not alone, he has a camera. - Quickly, everyone get to work.

- No, open up solitaire. - And that minesweeper thing.

Perfect, Carrasco, wipe that smile off, damn.

No one greet him. Ready, action.

- And those stairs, where do they go? - No, nowhere, no.

The money ran out for the expansion project.

Well, what can I tell you? Misappropriation of public funds.

And they say it's my program that's paranormal

What an attitude...

Come in, please.

Here is where we serve as billing support

to the subcontractors for... Public Works.

Jesus, I got bored just saying it.

Relax, I appreciate your effort, but you can all relax.

I know perfectly well what's going on in here.

We don't have to continue this farce.

- Why are you yelling? - Don't believe this charade.

These people are capable of time travel.

Oh, yeah? Why don't you ask them to take you back ten years

so you can erase all the stupid stuff you've said since them.

Please, the only way to go back in time here

is if Angustias shows us her yogurt maker.

Lombardi, come with me, please. It's this way.

You. What are you working on?

Lombardi, the visit is over, if you'll come with me...

I'm only asking him what he's working on.

No, well, um... Good morning, first off.

And I am working on... No, not working no,

I am playing...

Waiting for the six of spades to show up

in the minesweeper, but now I will get back to my job.

- No, no, not that. - Yes, yes, uh...

What information is in this notebook?

Perhaps time codes for different eras

that they don't want revealed.

Record everything.

How many times do I have to tell you

not to waste time drawing pictures, huh?

Ah, I am sorry, truely, it was when I was...

- Enough. - Keep recording, I told you.

Why do I have to record those doodles?

What do you mean doodles, miss?

- Lombardi, Lombardi. - Oh.

- Doodles... - Can't I go to the bathroom alone?

If I can figure out where it is

because there aren't any signs here anywhere.

Out the door, to your left.

Dad, when you come back, let's go, please.

I promise.

Left.

If he's not coming in here I don't know why we're pretending.

What's going on with you?

- Do you have "fuck buddies"? - What?

Forget it.

How in the world did you come up with "fuck buddies"?

No, I just heard it around and I do not really care, yes?

- I was just curious. - Elena?

- Elena, right?

The women in your time are very strange.

Elena talks to me about "fuck buddies", and sharing videos.

Do you share everything in this time, my God?

You don't have to worry about that.

Even worse, she told me that we need to talk.

That, you have to worry about. That phrase never leads anywhere good.

Yes, I sensed that already. What is more, she wants to talk

- at a very strange place. - What? What are you doing?

- What the hell are you doing? - Every soldier should guard

- his important documents. - Do you have the electric bill there too?

- I wish to hear your opinion. - You want me to touch it?

Show it to me.

Fine, an Indian restaurant, it's a good plan.

As long as you don't order something spicy and shit on yourself...

- Where are they? - Pardon?

The doors, where are you hiding them?

Here, they're occupied. Carrasco, Periañes and Olivares.

Come on, buddies, today sometime. - One minute!

The bar coffee.

It's given me the runs.

What do you think, that I'm an idiot?

I know perfectly well what's going on here.

Hey, Lombardi could use a "fuck buddy" to help him relax.

Would you please explain they exact meaning of that phrase?

I'll explain. If you let us out,

- I'll explain it. - No!

I'm sorry, it's just...

my father isn't well...

He was getting better, truly, yeah? What happened is that all of a sudden

he discovered the internet and he got worse again,

because he started recording and posting everything.

A shame. You should convince him to forget

all this paranormal nonsense. He would listen to you.

Well...

Come on, love.

Me, I feel a little bit sorry for him, poor guy.

When he started, he made some mystery shows

that were really good, on the level of Jiménez del Oso.

The left you completely glued to the tv

and entranced by the mystery.

The faces of Bélmez, the haunting of the Reina Sofia,

and the Palace of Linares.

It was cool.

It's a shame he's lost his marbles when he's finally gotten it right.

Sometimes, knowing the truth can drive you crazy.

You seem worried.

Yes, I am.

It's unbelieveable that a man and his videos

could put the Ministry in so much danger.

Is it just because of Lombardi?

Well, if you want to talk,

you know I'm always here.

Thank you, but I don't need to.

You know something, Amelia?

There are some problems that you can't solve alone.

Hello. He's leaving.

- A black coffee, please. - Thank goodness.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Well, you know where to find us if you need us for anything.

Don't cry victory yet. I don't give up so easily.

Fine, all right, thank you for everything

- and excuse the bother. - Don't worry,

think nothing of it.

Aren't you going to answer?

Later.

Your phone, please.

Are you asking me to give you my phone?

Don't you think that's a little too far?

Sonia, take out the camera and record everything.

I'm going to show our host a souvenir

from when I snuck through a door and wound up in the Battle of Brunete

and in exchange he is going to show me the messages he's being sent.

Dad, please, please, please.

Give me the phone.

Or I'll kill you, my daughter, and myself.

Could't we switch the order and you kill yourself first?

Give me the fucking phone so I can see the messages.

Sonia, take it and read them.

Uh... It says: "Should we open up the stairwell yet?

I repeat: Should we cancel the security alert?".

I knew it.

Answer back yes, please.

Lombardi, don't do anything stupid.

- We're going back down. - But, Dad, what are you doing?

Sonia, shut your mouth and record everything.

Let's go.

Don't do anything cocky

But...

- Everything all right, boss? - No. Warn them that we're going back

- and that he's got a gun. - Yes, pointed right at your liver.

So warn them not to get in our way.

Mother Mary.

Ernesto, we have a problem.

Threatening a government employee is a serious crime.

Yes, but destroying the life of someone like me is perfectly fine.

- We're going down. - Dad!

- Let him go already, please. - Listen to your daughter, Lombardi.

Sonia, I'm only asking you to believe in me.

- Again? - One last time.

- Ok. - Let's go down.

Put the gun down, Lombardi.

Put down yours or Mr. Martí is a dead man.

Mother Mary, we're not getting out of this, dad.

Let's go.

Do you see that they're hiding something?

Since when are Public Works employees armed?

Put down your guns!

And the security gate to the stairwell.

But, how do you know...? Don't listen to this lunatic.

Disactivate the gate

and put down your guns.

Finally someone's using their head.

I'm sorry, I can't put your life in danger.

Fantastic.

Come on.

If anyone follows us, I'll shoot.

Holy shit!

Holy shit, holy shit...

Come on, Sonia, record it all, everything, everything.

Dad, it's giving me vertigo, it's giving me vertigo.

Very well...

I have a good feeling about this hallway.

Mister, do you realise you could use an elevator in here?

Hasn't it occurred to anyone?

This is like a game show. Where will door 503 take us?

Or I should say... Are you recording my face?

- A lot. - I should say, when will it take us?

- Dad, they look like closets to me. - We've found what we were looking for.

- I'm sure of it. - You're always sure.

You were sure about the yeti in Baqueira Beret,

and when the Virgin Mary appeared to Bernabéu.

That isn't the same. Here you have proof that this is true.

What proof? Dad, these are just hallways and doors.

I don't understand what I'm doing here. I should have listened to mom.

Everyone is wrong, including your mother.

Oh, that's it? We're all against you, right?

- Relax, I'll leave you to it. - Please, honey.

No, what? Are you going to point that gun at me, too, so I don't leave?

How could I point it at you, love?

It's over. We're going back to my office.

We both know that if I go back to your office,

this will all be over for good.

I've never been one to bluff. If you don't come with me, I'll shoot.

Dad, he's going to put a bullet in you.

I'd prefer a bullet to the chest than to keep living in shame.

- Walk. - No.

You're not going to shoot.

There are some secrets that have to remain so.

I'm sorry, Sonia.

Dad!

The bullets are blanks, but the butt is real.

Come on, keep recording, especially now.

We'll edit out the hit later.

Come on, come on!

Come.

Are you ready?

Ready for what?

To discover what lies behind this door.

Look, dad, it doesn't matter how great it is,

because you've seriously fucked up hitting that guy.

Shit.

Do you understand, love, why they took away my program?

But... understand what?

We went into an underground door

and came our in the countryside.

Dad, they can do this stuff now, it's that virtual reality thing.

You know what I mean? I don't know how, but they can do it.

What can't be done is time travel, not that.

You're wrong, love. This is definitive proof.

So many years crying out in the desert, so much suffering...

Scorned by all those that doubted my theories,

like Galileo Galilei.

You're comparing yourself to Galileo?

I don't remember who he was, but I think he was someone important.

Galileo was a man who was condemned by the Inquisition

because no one wanted to look through his telescope

and observe from there

that the Earth revolved around the sun

- and not the other way around. - Oh, yeah, yeah.

Look, love. Look with your own eyes.

"Eppur si muove".

Look, look, look, look. Look there.

- Look. - Oh, is that 3D?

Dad, it's special effects, 3D.

Look, look how it's getting closer and you can see the pixelation, dad.

It's like when you go to an IMAX but in the cheap seats

Ah!

3D, huh?

Let's go back.

I hope that the next door is a little calmer.

Next, what next, dad?

- I'm not going through any more. - Did you record the guy with the lance?

- No, no, I was too scared. - Are you stupid?

- No. - You can't leave me now.

We'll go wherever you want, but we have to go through

one of these doors and record everything.

Where could they have gone?

- When I catch that Italian... - Argentinian, Alonso.

- He's Argentinian. - It is the same.

We have to get out of here.

- Well you first. - Let's go.

But what's this?

Do they have a laundromat in the ministry?

This isn't the ministry, love, don't be stupid.

See? These clothes aren't from our century.

Dad, these are vintage,

like the hipsters buy in Malasaña.

Hey, don't take that, it's not yours and it's expensive.

- Come here. - What? Hey.

- Take this. - What are you doing?

Taking clothes. We can't go out like this.

- Dad, this isn't my size. - Even better, you can hide the camera.

These are boy's clothes.

Wait.

I think it's coming from there. Come on.

- My God! Get him up. - Don't worry about me, I'm fine.

- A little dizzy. - We should take him to a hospital.

No, I'm not important now. We have to find Lombardi.

We can't leave him running loose with a camera.

- They'll be time to go after him later. - I said no, it's urgent.

We don't know what he could do in the past or how he could change it.

We have to find that man now!

So? Still don't believe me?

Dad, this is scenery, it's a set, you can tell it's cardboard.

Yeah? And it there a mini-theater behind every door?

Look, I love you child, but you are as eccentric as your mother.

Dad, you know what this is?

It's like the medieval market they put on in Mósteles.

Do you remember? They set it up on Christmas

But in Móstoles it's done better.

- So the people are fake too... - No, they're... they're actors.

Dad, I've seen that corner beggar before.

I've seen him,

I think in one of those historical shows,

like "Elizabeth" or "Game of Thrones" or...

Please, the beard is fake,

this is the typical beggar they always have everywhere.

There has to be a hidden camera or something, but...

Dad, don't tell me that we're travelling in time for real.

Yes, we've travelled in time.

I told you not to tell me.

- Come with me. - Dad.

Thank you, we've activated the emergency protocol,

but it won't be easy to find him.

He could be in any time period.

Let's hope that the alarms sound if history seems to change.

Velázquez, how's the picture coming?

They stumble that run fast. Haste makes waste.

As the say: “Haste denies all acts their dignity.”

Slow and steady wins the race.

Velázquez, enough with the sayings just finish it already, damn it!

Every minute that he's in the past, Lombardi bcomes more dangerous.

It will take longer if you watch.

- With this, I will catch that scoundrel. - It needs the hat.

It's fine. You can color it how you like later.

Color a charcoal sketch?

Julián, I respect you very much, let us not change that.

Send it to all the ministries.

- And us? - This is your assignment.

I don't need to say that this isn't a normal mission.

The past and future of the Ministry are in jeopardy.

Let us see, let us see, Toscanelli.

- Toscanelli? - Yes, Toscanelli, Marco Polo.

Were they also mistaken?

Will the also be the objects of your jests?

The voyage can be made, it is possible.

- Trust me. - These guys don't know who they're dealing with.

What do you know of ocean routes,

if you've never been on a ship in your lives?

We can reach the Orient following one route.

To the west!

Today I'd settle for finding the route to my bed.

Enough!

- He's not crazy. - Dad, please.

This man is right.

And one day you'll swallow your words.

You have before you.. a discoverer of a new world.

Well, do not exaggerate, I'm not...

- Another loony! - A round for the two visionaries.

Dad, do you always have to screw up wherever you go or what?

Everyone listen.

Let's see what we've got here.

An egg. It is an egg, a simple egg.

You see, right?

If I can stand this egg on end, will you stop laughing?

- That is impossible. - An egg stand on end?

- Impossible. - Yes, right? It is impossible, yes?

Incredible.

And the egg thing, what does it have to do with the other?

Well, just that nothing is impossible.

Yes, yes.

Give me an egg, I saw the trick.

Of course, that is the thing. Copying is easy.

To do something for the first time... that is more difficult.

I thought to do that, but I did not want to interrupt.

Gentlemen.

You have here a pioneer in front of you. Show some respect.

Out of the way, move, out of the way.

Idiots... drunks.

Excuse my impudence,

but I would like to know the name of the only other enlightened person

in this tavern full of ignoramuses.

I am Sebastián Lombardi.

Lombardi? And this name, from where does it originate?

- Well... - From Buenos Aires.

- Where? - Buenos Aires.

It's between Burgos and... Ávila.

Fine. Nice to meet you.

I am Columbus...

Christopher Columbus.

Oh!

- Nothing yet? - Nothing.

Yes, what have you got?

Ok.

Have we heard from the team?

Yes.

They only have 1992 left to go to. They haven't found anything yet.

It's like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Where are you, Lombardi?

Truthfully, I do not have the Catholic Royals on my side.

This trip is expensive and...

their prayers and their money are for the reconquest of Granada...

Perhaps Ferdinand will not be so easy to convince.

You should talk to Isabella

about all the natives she could make as Catholic as her.

And don't get caught up in the Orient.

You just let the voyage take you and see where you end up,

it might not be the Orient.

That is a good idea about the conversations, yes, sir.

I had not thought of that. Yes.

You should tell her that your main objective

is to convert everything that moves.

And you'll see, she'll give you three ships.

No, no, no three no. I was thinking about four.

Yes, of course. Ask for four so she'll give you three.

That's how I negotiated with the television stations.

Maybe you're drinking too much.

So what? I'm having fun with my friend. After all you're like me.

Oh, yes? And how are you?

Me? A man ahead of his time, like you.

Well, maybe a little more so. That's why these things happen to us.

I was also treated like a madman.

- Even my daughter was ashamed of me. - Hey! But not now. Not now.

It makes me happy to hear that

and even more so if you tell your mom too.

Could record me a little more? You're always focused on him.

Have you seen how he talks?

Dad, I've seen you, but this man...

Yes, I... I am going to retire. A long journey awaits me tomorrow.

I should depart for Alcalá de Henares to leave my son with my family.

- If you will excuse me... - What if I go with you?

No, dad, no. Stop drinking already. You can't go.

- To Alcalá you mean? - To Alcalá,

- to the Indies, the Orient and beyond. - He doesn't want more wine.

You need an agent, a representative.

You'll see, it will be no problem talk to Isabella for you.

No, no, no, I speak with the queen.

But, please, leave the storytelling to a professional.

A "gin-tonic" please.

Hey! Have you seen this man?

If Curro hasn't seen him, no one has.

- What are you doing? - It is useless, we are not going to find them.

Even if we find the right door,

he has had more than enough time to escape.

Where is is? Where's the bean? Gentlemen, step right up.

"'Round and 'round", where's the bean?

I'm sorry, sir. You, we're going to give it a go.

Smart guy, hey, you get me, yeah? We're going to give it a go?

Go on, go on, watch the bean.

We should not get distracted with games of chance.

It's not chance, it's attention.

Chance is trying to find something through luck.

We'll never achieve anything that way.

Where?

Here?

It's in the middle. Pick it up, pick it up.

Oh.

What are we gonna do? Look where the bean was.

Sir, money, money, money.

C'mon, game, keep playing, go again. No problem.

- Once the... - It can't be.

Hey, hey, those 1000 duros are mine, yeah?

I didn't make him play, he did it because he wanted to.

Do you know this man?

Are you taking the Mickey?

I might be a dropout, but I know who discovered America.

Give me my money

and fuck off, go take the piss out of your fucking mother.

- Or are we gonna have trouble, huh? - I will trade you for this.

What is this? What the hell is this?

Let's see...

Oh hell yeah.

You're not going to belive this.

Oh, well, yes, that's incredible, yes.

You haven't spent all your petty cash. That is big news, yeah?

It's Lombardi, don't you see?

Yeah... Is it so strange that the discoverer of America is on a bill?

Since when did Lombardi discover America?

Since the 12th of October, 1492.

- And Columbus? - The guy on the salami?

Ok, that's enough very funny, ha ha, ok?

They're not joking. Look.

Lombardi has changed history.

Only we noticed the change because we were traveling in time.

Those in the present didn't notice the big change?

They assume it's indisputable truth. Let's suppose you are right,

that Lombardi isn't the most important man in the 15th century

but instead is just a tv personality that has traveled in time

And that New Lombardía is really called Colombia.

Already that's a lot to suppose.

If that's true why haven't any alarms gone off?

Why haven't there been any warnings?

You said that not all the doors have agents.

The number of agents was reduced five years ago.

If we find a door

that will take us to the 15th century and that is not guarded,

we should find Lombardi and his daughter there. And Columbus too.

And where is this Columbus guy you talk about from?

It's a mystery, Some say he's Genoese

others Galician, others Catalan…

Lombardi's origin is also a mystery.

Lombardi is Argentinian.

How could he be Argentinian before America was discovered?

Here.

The Rávida, 1485.

Columbus was here with his son. We'll start our search there.

- If America was discovered in 1492... - That's only 7 years earlier.

Easier. Come on.

Hold on.

If none of the alarms have sounded...

why should we believe what you're telling us?

Because we're the alarm.

So, it was this guy Columbus... who "lombardinized" America.

You must swear not to reveal what you are about to see to anyone.

Not even your daughter.

I swear to Diego Armando Maradona.

Who is he? A saint?

No, more, he's the hand of God.

Good. By the hand of God...

you have not seen this.

This map was given to me by an old sailor from Lekeitio.

His ship was persuing a whale

past than the Bay of Biscay, they drifted off course.

He and his crew thought that they would fall into the abyss, that...

that the ocean was going to end.

But no... they sighted land.

What? Do you not think that is a surprising discovery?

What?

What? What do you mean what? Well... well, everything.

That the Earth is not flat, for example.

Ah, of course, of course, that the Earth is round.

I am gobsmacked.

Please, Columbus, I beg you to pace yourself with the surprises.

because I can't handle the shock.

Go on, please, keep surprising me.

Fine, well, I am sure

that the Basque sailor drew the Indies.

where... where the houses... the houses have roofs of gold.

Fine, of course, but if the Earth is round...

maybe, I mean, maybe what that sailor saw was a new continent.

An new contin... But... What? No, man, no, it is impossible.

My route is a shortcut to the Indies.

It is an alternative route.

No maps show another continent.

Ok, fine, let's keep talking, let me tell you something, huh?

What? Your face changed. What's happening?

- I must tell you something important. - What?

If you decide to help me, you could risk grave danger.

Why?

The Portuguese know of my project, they have spies in Castile

and I would not be surprised if King Joao sends men after me.

Oh, but the Portuguese aren't going to find you.

Oh, no? How can you be so sure?

- I'm not sure, I know. - Yes.

What is that?

- Is it...? Is it a small cannon? - More or less.

I have never seen a cannon so small.

The gunpowder. What, is it... is it inside?

This... this is harmless.

I have seen what gunpowder can do, my friend,

and it is anything but harmless.

No, look, look, look. Sonia, come here a minute?

What?

Will you quit it with the gun?

Dad, for real, you're like a little kid.

It is a magic weapon... it is...

It is a magic weapon.

At least it will scare the Portuguese, if they show up.

What Portuguese?

It has done the trick with me. It surely has.

Hey, you seem like a reasonable man. I can tell you... where were you born?

Me? Well I was born in...

"Tenho sono, pai"

Excuse me, I have to tend to my fatherly duties.

Good night.

Oh well, I'll have the chance to ask him during the voyage.

Dad, you're not going anywhere.

You're messed up in the head, you're not taking any voyage.

Your mother told me that I was a loser.

Wait until she finds out that I am going to discover Argentina.

Oh, yeah. Go to sleep, dad.

- Let's ask the barkeeper. - Ok.

Who has the picture of Lombardi?

Lombardi has been here.

And I imagine Columbus, too.

- How do you know? - You always laugh at me

because I do not know the Terminator, Antonio Banderas, Mister Pea...

- Bean, it's Mister Bean... - Fine, it does not matter.

Let me show you what I do know.

But, how do you know they've been here?

Have you heard of the Egg of Columbus?

You try, go on.

Yes, but it's a legend.

In my time it was well known, I assure you.

Allow me.

Come on

-Hello. -Hello.

I thought that Columbus's egg was something else.

- What? - Nothing, nevermind.

They are in the monestary, come on.

- More wine! - Come on, cook!

But, Dad, what more do you need? Everything is recorded.

- Let's go back already, please. - You're right, Sonia.

What good does it do me if you don't want to go back?

I've spent eight years asking myself why I didn't stay in that door?

Do you know what it's like to ask the same thing for eight years?

I have to see it through this time.

Well I don't want to stay here.

- No, you're going back. - Dad.

Look, you have to tell the world what we've discovered.

Especially your mom, ok?

Post it on the internet so that everyone knows the truth.

Send it to your mom too.

You do it, I don't know how to work the computer.

Even better, send it to your mom first and then post it on the internet.

You come and show it to mom.

No, love, I can't go with you.

Do you know what I'll see with Columbus? A new world.

But all this has been new to me.

All what?

Just... being with you and believing you and doing things by your side.

- Don't cry. - I'm not crying.

Yes, you are crying, admit it.

It's good to get it out.

You should be happy your father will go down in history

I want to have a father, not have my father go down in history.

Come on, hurry, post it on the Internet

And tell your mother I don't blame her, it could have happened to anyone

Maybe I should have trusted her and not gone off with...

That's enough. Goodbye.

Child, don't leave like that. Give your dad a kiss.

Or at least tell a priest to bring me warm water.

We have to watch all the exits, he can't get away from this.

Hello, hello, hello. Are you police?

You have to help me, my father's in danger.

He's Christopher Columbus's friend.

Ah!

Where is Christopher Columbus hiding?

Who is it?

-It's the water for your bath. sir. -Ah, it was about time.

I hope the water's still warm after all the time it's taken you.

Ah!

Ah!

Indeed, he is the heretic we're looking for.

You see how he's reacted to the water.

Do I inform Columbus? He came with him. We have to warn him.

Don't worry. We will take care of it, thanks. Goodbye.

Freeze or I'll shoot.

-Come on, give that to me, jackass. -Salvador told us it was fake.

Let me go.

I swear I won't say anything.

I don't want to go back to our time, I want to go to America.

I will send you to America with my fist.

-I got it, we can go. -Let me see, wait.

The memory card's missing.

Let me go and I'll tell you where it is.

Do you think you are in a position to make deals?

You give us the card and you come with us.

If he doesn't have it, his daughter must have it.

Sonia went back home, you can't do anything now. Oh!

Get you to shut your mouth, we can do that.

The gag is a good idea.

You'll never see an Argentinian silent for so long.

I have learned a lot in this mission: "fuck buddies"...

Stop right there!

Where do you think you are going?

Well, Columbus, the introductions are over, I will leave.

But, what are you doing? That's Columbus.

I know who you are. You aren't looking for heretics. You are looking for me.

What's the matter? Are you mute?

Speak, you damned Portuguese.

Eh...

- "Boa noite". - Not a good night at all. Who are you?

Why are you taking this man?

We are... Cristiano... and Ronaldo.

Are you not mercenaries working for King Joao?

No. "Non, non, non,".

We are traders of towels and codfish.

Who are you?

Eh... She's Ronaldinha, Ronaldinha da Silva Mourinho.

She sings fados. And helps with our exports.

Wow. For a moment I thought you were pulling my leg.

But I've lived in Portugal for many years.

And now I know you are definitely pulling my leg.

You think you are going to scare me with that little toy?

Eh?

Come on... Shoot.

Go on.

Coming, Coming.

Coming, Coming

-Good night. -Good night. Go away.

This is not a safe place, there are some men who are not to be trusted.

No, no, no...

Ah!

-What are you looking for? -Dad, dad!

Our mission is to take Christopher Columbus

Sorry, we found him first.

If you want to live, play along.

We want to know what you are going to do with him.

The same thing you were going to do.

Kill him and take the map from him?

Exactly, exactly that. So you can go and we'll take care of it.

Kill him, but we take the map.

No way.

With no map, there is no girl.

Dad, dad!

What's with him? Who is he?

Let him go, we want to hear what he has to say.

Look, isn't this a big enough mess already?

Please, please, please.

Easy, easy.

Easy.

What are you doing?

Calm down, child, your father is going to fix this.

Columbus, give them the map. Don't let them hurt her.

I'm sorry about your daughter, but I... I don't have any maps.

-What? -Dad, please.

Are you going to let them kill her?

Please, I will do whatever you want.

but save my daughter. I'll go back, I won't tell anyone,

I'll give you the card, but do something.

Ok, fine, fine, we'll give you the map.

- I forbid it. - Trust me.

Ronaldo, the map.

What map?

- The map of the Indian palace. - The map.

The map.

What are you doing?

Relax, relax.

Here it is.

Take it. Yes, yes.

- Give it to him. - Take it.

- What type of parchment is this? - The Indian kind,

that's why you have never seen it.

- And this palace? - The emperor's palace there.

"Cheque Gourmet"... This is not a map.

- Turn it around and you'll see. - On the back, the back. There, there.

"Public Restroom"

Restroom... That's the alternative route,

the one that goes through the Antón Martín Ocean.

Direct and no transfers...

"We will study the map.

Now kill Colombus.

A Martínez... always keeps his promise.

- What is that?. - This?

- A "pistolinha", what else? - A small arquebus.

Shall I continue?

- No, no, no. - Yes, yes, yes.

- No, no, no. - Yes, Yes.

No, no, no.

Oh!

I do not see blood.

I do not believe that is a weapon.

This explodes people from the inside.

Would you like to try mine?

- It's over? - One minute, admiral, one minute.

Admiral? I like the sound of that.

I should ask that of the King and Queen should I manage to convince them.

I am sure you will convince them. You are a strange group.

It is clear that you are not Portuguese nor heresy hunters.

- Are you comedians? - No, we are more like... "fuck buddies".

Well, I do not know what that means but I am sure

that I owe you my life and that of my friend, too.

We can go together to see the royals if you wish.

My responsibility is with my daughter.

I am owe her and these people a debt of gratitute.

Mostly my daughter.

I followed your advice and sent my brother to France

and a letter to England.

Isabella and Ferdinind will not let another kingdom be first.

On the high seas the sun is bright.

With this you'll have no problem seeing land.

Wow, thank you.

Well then, I am off...

this way.

Oh, Christopher, one last thing.

- Where are you from, Genoa, Catalonia...? - Well...

Some mysteries are better left unsolved.

You have so little fascination with the unknown.

Lombardi, the advice that you gave to Columbus,

about making the royals jealous. Kings are like television,

- they don't want anyone else to have you. - Does it work for other things.

It works with everything. Jealousy always gets results.

- Let's go. - Yes.

The memory card.

- No, no, please, hold on. - What's going on?

- Do we have to destroy it? - Dad, forget it, let him.

Forget about it, it's over. - No, no, it's not over, it's not.

That's pure gold there. And the card is 2000 Gigs.

Do you want me to believe that you won't post it on the internet?

You can't erase what I saw from my head.

No, what we want is for you to help us protect it.

It would benefit us to have a television show

that invented paranormal events so that no one would focus on us.

- And look like a fool again? No. - Dad.

Dad, it doesn't matter, who cares?

You always wanted to be part of something like this, right?

And it would be great for me to have a job.

When do we start?

Good.

Friends, your favourite show is back, "Time of the Occult" is back.

And we are back with something that will leave our viewers flabbergasted.

Today we will give you proof that reveals

that the news anchor, Ana Blanco,

has several identical clones.

Tonight, in "Time of the Occult".

Don't miss it.

I'm leaving.

- To the Indian palace, or what? - Yes.

I hope that the Portuguese are not eating there.

Go on.

- A date? - Yes, Alonso is in love.

- Didn't you notice? - No.

But, well, I'm not very good with those things.

In truth, I'm a disaster.

- Are you leaving already? - Yes, see you tomorrow.

Another beer, when you have a minute.

And that's how Ana Blanco is on the channel 1 news,

and on channel 2, and on the weekend edition,

and on location in Brussles...

Because they're clones, she's been duplicated.

And that's why she never gets old,

because they make them all from a mold they made in 1987.

This guy Lombardi makes me laugh... His show is the funnest on TV.

Fine, enough talking about that simpleton, yes?

I... I came here to... talk about more important things.

Are you breaking up with me?

Because if you are, I'm going to order a "lassi" first, because I love them.

Break up?

End the relationship, sometimes it feels like I'm teaching you Spanish.

No, I do not want to break up, or stop or end anything, good heavens.

"Good heavens." I like that more than when you said "simpleton".

Everything is a joke to you, right?

Very well, I have been thinking about our conversation from the other day,

about seeing other people...

and I think that not only could we, that we should do it.

- Oh, yeah? - Yes, yes.

Yes, yes. In fact I already have a date for next Thursday.

Yes, with a... with an English "fuck buddy".

And Friday with a French woman.

Wow how nice, all very European.

Yes.

Yes, I like this, talking about these things,

to avoid any confusion later.

I, on the other hand, I like them made in Spain.

From the Canary Isles, an Extremaduran, a Basque...

You have dates with all those men?

Order the chicken "tikka", it's delicious.

- Fine, that is enough. - Fine, we'll order something else.

It is a lie, about my other encounters.

I do not wish to see anyone else and I do not want you to see anyone either.

And why did you lie to me?

Because a friend... well, a person told me...

told me that to get something you want from someone

you have to make them jealous first.

Look, Alonso, firstly, that's shitty advice

and secondly, what is it that you want from me?

- Me? - Mmhm.

What I want is to be...

to be with you.

I do not want us to see other people.

Even if we are not young anymore.

Elena, what I want is to put a label on us.

Do you have nothing to say?

Yes.

I say that your idea is a good start.

The start of I dont know what, but a good start.

Well, what was the chicken called?

"Tikka"

Chicken "Tikka" , my god...

My god, my god.

Ernesto, do you know why we are happy at weddings

and cry at funerals?

Because we aren't the ones involved.

Good God, those were some bulls.

If I don't stand in front of the Miura

there's no wedding tomorrow

- What's going on with Elena? - Nothing.

Looking that pretty you'll break more than one heart.

Look at her, what a décollatage.

It could do me some good to whoop it up, truth be told.

What a useless garment, for God's sake.

Damn, Ortigoso, only you would want to get married in a castle.

Yeah, at least it's not the one in Huesca.

The lord of this castle fell in love with a young girl named Constanza.

But she was in love with a young shepherd.

What a hot blonde

Aren't you going to introduce us? Come on

- Hey, how did you end up in...? - Come on, go away.

- And this flakey guy? - There's always an asshole in every wedding.

Do you like the castle or what? It belongs to my servant.

Man, you finally made it.

- How nice, they have put us together. - Oh, what joy.

I'm the new Ministry liason to the Prime Minister.

- but, what happened to the lady? - She killed herself, threw herself from the tower.

Sincronized and edited by Chitorafa.