Original subtitles

Previously on "Temptation Island"...

I like you and only you.

I know you have a lot to offer.

I have been picking up on, you know, small player vibes.

You're what I need, you know,

in whatever capacity that is.

I am making connection with you.

I feel it, too.

It's scary to think that I could vibe

so well with someone other than Luke.

She's not stoked about the idea of an open relationship.

How do you feel about that?

Historically, my dating has been pretty casual.

I'm very physically attracted to Taylor.

I enjoy making contact.

This one actually is my promise ring with Edgar.

Okay.

I don't know if I will continue

wearing the promise ring, like, what do I do?

Sounds like the ring doesn't mean anything to her anymore.

Feels like I don't know her.

[ sobbing ]

* You're not gonna tempt me *

* You're not gonna get me *

* You're not gonna tempt me, oh *

* Oh *

* You're not gonna tempt me *

* You're not gonna get me *

* You're not gonna tempt me *

[ tense music ]

***

It feels like she says one thing to me,

and there's something else going on inside her head.

It feels like she's not being honest with me anymore

because, I mean, through all those months,

I was trying to work towards our relationship--

[ voice breaking ] and repair what I had done.

And, you know,

she says it didn't take away from our relationship

and the love that we had.

But I just don't understand how you can do that

and balance those two lives and still look me in the eye

and tell me that you love me.

I just don't believe it.

***

Edgar.

That's raw.

That's difficult...

but it is absolutely clear and an honest feeling.

And I'm sorry you're feeling pain right now.

-All right bud. -Thanks, man.

Lascelles.

You ready?

Let's do it.

I'm trying to figure out why there was

a connection, instantly.

Not a connection after four days,

a connection within--

It's almost like I feel like I've seen you before

or something. It's one of those things.

-Okay. -And I said that

last night, I don't know if you heard me.

No, I didn't hear you say that!

I was like, I think I've seen you in my dreams.

I said that, as I walked by.

[ laughing ]

Okay. Laughter is a response.

Yeah.

What did you see?

I see her make an emotional connection early on

with someone that she's starting to develop trust

and possibly feelings for.

But I allowed her and she's allowing me to, like,

feel those emotions.

So that was kind of what

I was expecting coming to this.

What I'm asking is because you know

Ashley better than I do.

So you saw that clip and you actually feel that

there's a legitimate emotional connection.

I believe so.

But if this is the girl that you think you love,

why doesn't that kind of concern you?

It doesn't concern me

because we told ourselves we're lacking something.

I think because of my role in our relationship

and just being there and kind of like

stunting her growth in certain ways,

then, you know, I'm doing her a disservice.

So I would like for her to take

a step back from our relationship,

which we have, talk to someone else,

dig deep and see what she can learn about herself.

Because I messed-- I believe I messed her up.

I see. So, wean herself off of dependence on you.

So, when you see her giggly and flirty

and that doesn't scare you,

it actually encourages you.

-Is that right? -Yeah.

That's how I feel now.

I'm not judging the feelings.

I'm just trying to understand you more.

I'm getting to know you too.

-Yeah. -The only thing I'll leave

you with, though, Lascelles,

is one of the things I'll push you to explore is

the difference between your head and your heart.

Don't be too much in your head is what I'm encouraging

you specifically, to do.

Thank you, Mark.

All right. Hania.

Okay.

We're a team, pal, we got you.

-Yeah. -Okay?

Let's take a look.

I'm very, very much in love with Hania.

I'm happy for you.

But I am a very physical person, very.

***

I'm not the one with the open relationship idea,

but, like, maybe--

You know what? No.

I'm done.

You wanna go get a drink? We should drink.

***

***

I'm a little confused.

Maybe even angry, you know?

To hear her say that she's done,

and then see that she's sharing a bed,

even if it wasn't the whole night, you know?

She and I went into this with the...

you know, the one rule of respect.

You know? And I hear what she's saying about...

you know, the open relationship.

That is my idea, you know?

She's never suggested that.

Open relationship meaning other people?

-Yeah. -Okay.

Being open to sleeping with other people.

You're justifiably upset and a little shook.

-Yeah. -And yet...

she's done nothing other than what you have

said is perfectly okay.

Yeah.

I just haven't been...

[ sighing ]

clear with her about what I want,

and I think I've maybe waited too long, you know?

Ash is someone who knows what she wants.

I'm going to suggest that you know exactly what you want,

but you're afraid to stand up and say, "This is what I want."

-Something to look at? -Definitely.

Thank you for your honesty.

Be there for one another, and you guys can

head back to your villa right now, okay?

-Thanks, Mark. -Right on up.

***

I'm feeling a little afraid.

You know, I'm coming to terms

with this idea of an open

relationship maybe being

something I don't want.

* Feel like a merry-go-round *

* Don't want to stop, just let me wait *

I know the side of Edgar that's really good,

really loyal,

but there's also another side of Edgar,

like the side that cheated on me.

That's how I feel.

Like, I feel like I'm constantly preparing myself for heartbreak.

Me too.

Constantly.

It's like I'm walking on eggshells.

* This might be toxic *

* 'Cause my drug is my oxygen *

Walking into the first bonfire,

my stomach is hurting.

And I have butterflies and my heart is racing.

I'm preparing myself for the worst.

-Good evening. -Hi.

I mean, I know it's only been a couple of days,

but the last time he cheated on me,

I feel like I wasn't expecting that either.

Ladies, welcome to your first bonfire.

This is where we meet to talk about what's going on

with you and your experience while you're here on the island.

It's also where you're going to get

a glimpse of how your boyfriends are adapting

to single life on the island as well.

And this is the only time you're going to get

any insight into that.

So I'd love to hear more about your experience so far.

So tell me what's going on.

How are you feeling?

Gillian, what's going on with you right now?

I'm okay.

I'm trying to stay calm and centered.

I really don't know what I'm about to see.

I'm very, very curious.

Okay, so here's how this works.

Each time you're at a bonfire,

you're going to watch a clip

from your boyfriend's experience here on the island.

Look, I understand that this is often difficult to watch,

but hopefully, it's going to provide you

the perspective that you say you're searching

for in your relationship.

Ready to go?

Gillian, we're going to start with you.

-Okay. -Okay?

-Sure. -All right.

Let's take a look, right here.

Like, I want to work on myself, but more than anything,

I want her to answer her questions, like,

do you want to do this with me or not?

I don't know how to express it, but I guess it just feels like

she's been, like, dragging me along, you know?

[ tense music ]

Tell me what you saw and what you're feeling.

I really do love Edgar,

but I have been very vocal about my concerns

ever since he cheated on me.

I feel like nothing's really ever been

the same, and hearing the other girls' stories,

I'm realizing that that was actually

a really big turning point in our relationship.

So, it's-- I go back and forth on

whether I want a future with him or not.

I'm so young, so sometimes I feel like it's,

you know, kind of my time to explore what other chemistry

I could have with somebody else.

I don't want to blink and then realize I, you know,

never really did that.

Listen, this is what this is about,

and there are questions that you didn't know you had,

like I said at dinner, that are showing up.

And I just will encourage you to keep looking at

what is it that you really need

as opposed to what Edgar was giving you?

Yeah.

Gillian, that's all for now.

But you're on the right track.

Yeah.

Iris, your turn.

-Okay? -Okay.

Here we go.

Hey, hey!

Hey!

[ people cheering ]

Okay. Okay...

[ cheering ]

-Hania, help me, buddy. -I can't help you.

Oh, another one.

Oh!

I am surprised, actually.

I thought things would be a lot worse for my clip

that I was about to see.

But I also feel a sense of guilt, I guess.

-You feel a sense of guilt? -Yeah.

Because you think that clip that he would see is...

It's me building an actual strong emotional connection

with someone, probably.

And I think that that hurts more than what I just saw.

And who are you connecting with?

I'm connecting with George.

I think George is checking off a lot of boxes

that I feel like I'm missing in my relationship.

What's the biggest box?

His thoughtfulness.

He's extremely thoughtful.

Something you're missing.

And I'm not coming down on a loop,

but what I'm really trying to point out is what I'm hearing

you say you need and you're not

selfish to want that kind of attention.

Yeah.

Appreciation is a better word.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, Ashley.

Here we go.

It's like-- I feel like every time I'm talking to you,

I learn something new about myself,

and it's just the beginning.

So I feel like that's-- that makes me feel--

No, seriously.

You knew---- You're like--

you're what I needed.

You know what I'm saying?

You're what I need, you know?

In whatever capacity that is, it's real.

Wow.

I see that he's forming this

kind of emotional connection with this girl.

And I want to know, like, why.

And I kind of feel like he could be emotionally open

towards her that we haven't fully done before out

of the seven years we've been together.

Like, we never had that emotional

deep conversation before

that I think I felt like I was missing.

And he said, "You're what I needed."

He just met her.

Like, how do you know she's exactly what you need?

You know what I mean?

When I think I should be

the one that you need?

How would it feel for you if you saw

Lascelles open up to her

in the way that you've been begging him to do for you?

It would feel devastating, actually.

But, you know, I'm kind of realizing

it's my journey to focus on.

I shouldn't--

I should worry about Lascelles, but not really.

It's all about me. I always put people first,

and I'm tired of that.

So...

When you say you always put people first,

you got emotional.

What do you need?

I don't know.

I guess I need like...

clarification, more like...

I know there's love,

but, like, more action

to show the love that we have.

Well, I thought we have.

You got a lot of emotion

that I don't even think you knew you had.

-Yeah. -Thanks.

Okay, Ash, we're going to go to you next.

-Okay. -Okay.

I'm sort of like out of sight, out of mind, kind of person.

And like, I want to be in the here and now.

And if you're not here and now, then I have a hard time

giving you the attention that you want.

Someone lick it off now!

Whoo!

Oh, yeah, Hania!

***

***

I'm completely unsurprised.

-Unsurprised? -Yeah.

I saw Hania being Hania.

Okay. In what sense?

He's doing the exact same thing he's always done.

And how does that make you feel?

All I have wanted in this is

for him to be considerate of me.

So, what's the history?

If there is a finer woman

willing to [ bleep ] him harder...

"This is my friend, Ash."

Has he called you a friend in front of other women?

Yeah, every time.

Every time.

How do you feel about the concept of open relationship?

I'm not into it.

I do believe that I can share a partner

if I'm also there, but...

obviously I have to be there because

out of sight, out of mind.

it must be so freeing to be able to discard people like that.

If what you're saying is the truth,

it is a very chilly compartmentalizing

of emotion to be able to do that.

Ash, thank you so much.

So, with that, I thank you for being honest and brave.

And you can head back to your villa right now

and I'll see you soon.

His behavior was disgusting.

I don't feel desired by him.

I don't get picked up like that.

[ tense music ]

This is what I wanted to know.

I am getting the answers I'm seeking incredibly fast.

[ melancholy pop music ]

* It's a little bit crazy *

* You're suddenly blurry now *

* I wonder if anything *

* Was real *

* Are we in too deep? *

The first bonfire. That was a lot.

How are you guys feeling?

It's just the things that you don't expect that just,

you know, sca-- yeah.

I just feel like she gave me a complete 180.

It's something so small, like a ring,

but, like, I just thought we were 100% honest

with each other and...

we weren't.

I'm feeling all kinds of things, man, you know?

I mean, you guys saw what I saw.

Yeah, it was tough to watch.

Watching her speak to him like that,

that just, like, breaks my heart right open.

I can't imagine a world without Ash.

She has been such a force in my life.

I do not want to lose that.

I just have to be honest with myself about how I feel.

* Somewhere, don't know if you care *

* If you're still mine tonight *

* Not fun, so is it all right *

[ Ash sobs ]

I feel Hania is more committed

to his own pleasure,

as he has been through

the entirety of our relationship, than actually

improving himself.

My biggest takeaway from the first bonfire is

I should probably stop thinking about him

and completely think about myself.

It was just like one awful thing right after the other,

back to back to back.

I know it's a lot to have to deal with,

and have just thrown in front of your eyes,

which is extremely disrespectful on his end.

[ laughs ]

Sorry. Like I said,

I laugh out of "uncomfortabiliality"

-for yourself. -I mean, it's okay.

You can also say that you're laughing

because you think he's a joke.

I don't ever want to see you sad.

I don't ever want to see you, you know, hurt.

Growth comes from moments of pain.

That's all I can control.

You've been wonderful so far.

I feel comfortable.

I did not think I'd be this comfortable.

When I'm around you,

I genuinely feel emotions that

I haven't felt since, like, a teenage fever.

-Really? -[ both laughing ]

So, that's big to me.

You are definitely the type of person that should get what

you want out of a relationship,

or at least find somebody that is willing to do their best.

Right, without me asking.

Yeah.

That's a lot to deal with.

Like, get thrown at you.

Yeah, it's crazy.

He was talking about how he just doesn't

really want to be, like, dragged around anymore because

I feel like the last year I've had a lot of doubts.

I definitely feel like we came here to, like,

save our relationship and, like,

work on our relationship.

But now I'm feeling like...

I don't really know what I want.

It's good that you're having that clarity

a little bit, a little bit.

-For right now. -For right now.

Yeah.

I guess I'm afraid of being alone and independent.

But then, now that I'm here,

I'm kind of enjoying this little taste of independence.

Yeah, that's good.

[ upbeat pop music ]

***

* Why don't you come on and party at my house? *

* Drink it up, and step it like a model *

Oh, my gosh, George! That's really good.

* Keep it iconic *

It got more real last night than I liked.

That did get a little more real.

I kind of slept well last night, I wasn't re-playing

the clip that I saw of Lascelles,

like, I wasn't dwelling on it.

I slept well.

But then this morning I was like,

"What the bleep?" Like, I feel bad.

Every one of our friends

and family thinks that we're going to, like, get married.

Live happily ever after.

But I've always been, like,

emotionally dependent on Luke and pretty much, like,

a lot of my boyfriends in the past.

Me too.

It just clicked in me last night, like, wow,

I never really got the independence that

I needed to discover myself.

Take it just one day at a time.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

I've never learned how to be happy on my own.

And that's a problem.

It's up to me to love myself and feel confident.

* I'm gonna get away, yeah, *

* Gonna get away from all of this *

* Gonna get away, yeah *

* Gonna get away from everything *

Oh, my God, the flowers!

This is the queen, we're being knighted.

Here you go.

You should put it in your left ear.

-My left ear? -Yeah.

What does left mean?

It means unavailable.

'Cause you're going on a date.

-I'm going on a date? -With me.

[ both chuckling ]

I am conscious of the fact that I am trying to avoid

the level of comfort that I feel with Taylor.

So I'm hoping to get

a little bit of mental clarity out of this date

from a third person point of view

Let's do this.

[ Ash laughing ]

Put that in there.

Watching Ash ask Tommy out on a date,

I literally felt my heart drop to my stomach.

If I, you know, was really following my heart,

I would ask Tommy on a second date.

But for now, just trying to stay calm.

Who's Ashley?

That, I'm still trying to find out, actually.

I don't know if told you, but my boyfriend and I have

been together for seven years.

Seven years, I'm not going to just throw that away,

like, "Seven years, whatever."

You know what I mean?

I got to have a conversation with Ashley.

She's-- She's cute as can be.

I honestly fell, like, deep instantly.

So, I hope to, you know, maybe continue talking to her.

Like, you learn a lot from love.

What you learn from it

makes you who you are, like, right now.

Yeah.

* I'm not done yet *

[ upbeat music ]

I have never worn my hair this long before.

Well, I wasn't attracted to you before,

but, like, now I am, so...

I'm getting nervous now.

Everything's riding on this one shot.

[ both laughing ]

I was just overthinking everything last night.

I just give a lot and I just need to give more to myself.

You have to figure out, kind of,

what you want and what kind of connections you want.

If you want them to be platonic,

if you want them to be more.

And I also want you to not put all your eggs in one basket.

-Yeah. -Right away.

Because there's so many of us.

-Yeah. -We all offer different things.

You're my number one guy that I have my eyes on.

So, I want to make that clear too.

No, I remember.

I'm having a great time with Alexa,

but I want to get to know Trace a little more

and kind of explore what-- like,

why I'm feeling these emotions so quickly.

You are a catch.

You have everything that I'm looking for,

I just don't want to jump too fast without

knowing all sides.

I feel like I'm doing a lot.

I'm really trying, I'm trying to be the glue to the family,

build a business, maintain a relationship.

You have a lot on your plate.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

You must be exhausted.

-Pretty much. -Yeah.

I have massive family issues

in the mental health department.

It's just devastating.

I feel like I've been dealt

a really crappy deck of cards in the emotion department.

I can't get through

and project how I'm feeling with my family.

And the same with Iris.

I can't get through to my emotional side with her either.

I feel like the first time we got to speaking together,

you were asking some really cool questions and I was like--

Yeah.

That's someone I want to get to know a little bit more.

So, that's why I kind of wanted to see if

you wanted to go on my second date.

Like, it's out of nowhere, but, like--

Yeah.

Luke and I had a really good conversation.

I'm just ready for the date tomorrow

and super happy and excited.

I think you're really someone I want to learn a lot from.

Absolutely.

What's up?

Hello, stranger.

How you feeling?

I'm looking at this beautiful rainbow that is amazing.

That's a beautiful rainbow.

I think it was a perfect time.

-Perfect time. -Perfect time.

I feel like we have a lot more great times ahead of us.

And I wanted to ask if you wanted to come on

a second date with me.

Don't be shy, now.

-Yes. Yes. -thank you.

Yeah, I'm excited.

I feel like I've obviously made, like,

a really good connection with Lascelles,

but I don't want to get my hopes up, you know,

especially if he is shopping around a little bit more

and he's kinda just, is picking, you know.

me for today and then next time it's going to be whoever.

So, I'm kind of just making sure I stay aware.

Man! So, like,

I don't know how to feel.

I'm just getting caught in my feelings.

-Yeah, I know. -Yeah.

I just can't tell if he's, like, a little player or not,

because he's really nice to everybody, you know,

and I can see him being flirty with a lot of people.

I just think that he's just really nice.

As of now, I'm going after Edgar so Eddy, I'm coming for you.

I'm definitely feeling him.

And I know that him and Marissa have

a cute little thing going,

but that doesn't mean anything for me.

I can still go for it.

We're all here for a reason, and I'm here to, you know,

make my mark and that's what I'm gonna do.

We better get a little cozy at this party tonight.

Bring it on.

* Yeah, I do what I want *

* I got no regrets *

Paint us however you feel is necessary.

Be careful with touching my-- touch back.

These colors!

Are we going to paint each other's bodies tonight?

[ girls talking over each other ]

Beautiful human.

***

We painted them and turnt up!

***

This is the most fun I've had in my life.

Shots, everybody. Shots!

Oh, it's a field day!

We're playing flag football.

[ cheering ]

We're going to turn up because they deserve better

and what better way than the finest gentlemen

and the finest abs that you'll ever see.

[ shouting ]

Let's go, let's go!

Oh, shit!

Let's go, tuck team, let's go!

[ all shouting ]

The guys were super hot playing football,

we all got a little hot and spicy.

All those touchdowns, those dances.

I feel like I could, like, relive this moment again.

Same.

Come in the pool!

[ shouting indistinctly ]

Lick it off! Lick it off!

[ cheering ]

Ash's boyfriend, I hope you see those clips,

and I hope it hurts.

I hope it does, Mr. Sir.

You don't deserve her.

I do kind of wish that we were going on a second date.

Well, that's what the third is for.

Maybe.

I guess I need to talk about the whole Tommy situation,

which I was very excited about our connection

and I hope it doesn't go away.

I'm still feeling just as interested as when I met him.

Do you think it's a red flag that I just, like,

formed a connection with you right off the bat,

even when I have a boyfriend?

We've only been here for a few days

and we're getting to know each other

and a connection is a connection.

We enjoy each other and we get each other.

That's not a problem.

* You got my heart *

* Nobody gonna take it over *

* You got my soul *

* Nobody gonna tell me different *

Should we play truth or dare?

Whatever you want.

I want to see Ashley give a lap dance to Iris.

-Oh! -Okay.

***

[ cheerful screaming and clapping ]

[ cheering ]

Good.

No pillow wall, baby girl.

***

Taylor has been really gentle with everything,

and he's still being really respectful of me.

He's chaotic, but he has a softness

and gentleness in him that I can respond to.

I don't know what's going to happen,

and I'm not trying to plan it.

I just hope we kind of keep exploring

what we can while we're here.

[ upbeat pop music ]

***

The question is, how do we get some one-on-one time

with Kryslyn and Edgar?

That's the hard part.

His connection with Marissa just seems

so intense, like is he even, looking my way at all?

No, like, it's fair game,

anyone can come in at any moment and offer

something better than the person before.

I am in a little tiffy.

Like, I'm definitely feeling Edgar.

But, you know, I've just stayed on, like,

a friendship level with all the guys here.

You are so clear about what you want, but, like,

you are not hitting it.

You're not, like, going to get it.

I know, and that's my [ bleep ] problem.

Go get it!

I feel like physically...

Physically, you're--

We have an attraction and I don't want you to forget

that if you're on a date with someone else.

Honestly, no, I am--

By far I feel, like, the most attracted to you

-in the whole house. So. -Phew!

I've done myself a disservice

by, like, kind of closing myself up

5a little bit because I want to make the right decision.

I don't know what the right decision is.

No matter what happens, it's going to hurt.

It's going to hurt.

It's going to hurt.

And would you rather continue to

sacrifice yourself to please other people

or do what's going to ultimately make you happy and fulfilled?

Yeah, no. Yeah, you're absolutely right.

I realize what I'm risking.

You know, I'm doing this experience

and I'm starting to, like, make connections

that are stronger than I would have imagined.

So, it's given me an uneasy feeling,

and I don't want Ash to see this

and think, "He just threw away something for nothing."

She said, "I'm afraid of you making

"an emotional connection

"because I feel like I'm going to lose you."

And I said, "I don't think I will."

Like, I said, "Well, I don't think

"it'll be strong enough for me to pull me away."

But I feel it, I feel it tugging at me.

It's like a promise to something that I knew

I couldn't keep.

That's a lot.

[ somber instrumental music ]

Do you want a hug?

[ Laschelles whimpering ]

Right now, I'm at a crossroads between keeping

what I already have and going for what I want.

I just don't want to hurt anybody.

That's it.

I don't want to hurt anybody, but in this predicament,

someone's going to get hurt.

My girlfriend, Ashley, or Trace.

It's not easy.

It's tough to make everybody happy.

[ upbeat dance music ]

Oh, my God.

[ cheering ]

***

Are you nervous?

Nah, I ain't nervous.

Today is really fun.

I'm enjoying my date with Tevin.

-He's super, super sweet. -Nice.

I do have Tommy in the back of my mind the whole time,

but I'm definitely still having a great time.

Oh, my God, yeah!

[ screams ]

[ rock music ]

* Feel the heat getting closer *

Whoo! Let's go!

***

I'm having the best time.

[ laughing ]

That's what I'm talking about.

Woohoo!

***

Hey, there.

Karyna and I have really been connecting over

the last few days, she's so smart.

But I'm also thinking about Ash at every moment, at every turn.

I am all over the place right now, to be honest.

***

How's your time on the island so far?

As a whole?

Take a big chug for that one.

I didn't really expect the other night,

the bonfire, to go how it did.

Which probably speaks to me thinking

too highly of people I care about.

I've just felt like a second thought for so long.

Sorry, I don't want to cry.

[ laughing ]

You okay?

It's been really scary because I keep flopping back

and forth between, like, "Do I actually love this person?

"Am I pouring into him

"because I'm too scared to pour into myself?"

Yeah.

And I just keep getting more and more scared that, like,

I have neglected myself this long,

like, how much love is left in my cup?

Sorry for crying.

The relationship that's going to change

the most out of this

is my relationship with myself.

And I'm excited to be in love with me.

I know I'm going to come out of this

bigger and better than I am,

and my relationships are going to change with it.

No, I said I wasn't going to cry.

[ R&B music ]

* Have you switching lanes *

* Keep on riding for it, no exchange *

You know, I hear you when you're speaking,

and I pick up on the fact that you want your relationship

to work, and you want to help Iris achieve her goals.

But it shouldn't be that every time you guys argue, like,

stuff from the past is brought up because that's

an immature way to think.

Yeah, I feel like no matter how hard I try, you know,

to help her feel wanted,

for me, it just doesn't get through to her.

Like, why do we keep talking about

what happened six years ago?

Like, "Babe, let's move on."

I feel, like, resentment because I can't--

I can't feel loving when I'm straight up

being beaten down in the moment for things that

I feel like are childish to be talking about at this point.

Right, so it's like, where can you win?

Like, when will Luke win?

***

So, tell me about, like, how you been feeling so far?

I didn't want to kind of be, like,

transparent with you about something.

Talk to me.

I was, like, really self reflecting over

the past few days, and as great as I think you are,

I feel like exploring this deep emotional connection that

we have might not be what's best for me right now.

I've always had boyfriends since high school,

and I don't think I ever got a break.

All of these relationships either

brought me heartbreak or toxicity.

It's not healthy for me to just

hop from one relationship to the next, you know?

Definitely understand that.

There is a gut punch to some things

when you're definitely connecting with somebody,

and then they want to just put the brakes on some things

and, you know, you have to respect it, you know,

especially when you care about them.

And honestly, I truly care about her.

I want you to feel like it's something that you want.

You deserve that level of understanding

and I'm totally here for it.

Thank you so much.

I appreciate that.

Definitely.

* Fly too close to the sun *

* You got it good, so don't you run *

* All you did was push me to be who I am *

First and foremost, I would like to thank you

for choosing me to go on this date.

I am so happy that I chose Evan as my date.

I felt like he is that guy who is just confident.

We have that cool connection as a friend.

Maybe something more but, like, for now

I like how it's going.

You're going through a very unique experience.

Unique experience. I know.

How were you handling it so far?

I'm taking it day by day, honestly, you know?

I don't want to worry too much about what

my boyfriend is doing because

I feel like that's going to hinder my growth.

So what changes do you expect him to make?

So the romantic dates weren't really there.

I felt like our relationship is now stagnant.

Her expectations for what she wants

her man to do are very low.

I'm going just keep, you know,

letting her know how I feel.

You know, keep teaching her more about myself every day.

You know, all you can do in this life is just be yourself

and see where the cards fall.

You know, I feel like I'm in a pretty good spot with her.

This is good.

* Open thoughts, hold my hand and see *

* The hidden darkness went running free *

How are you feeling about everything?

I mean, I'm trying to be patient, like, I really am.

But it's hard, like, trying to get to know someone

and they're, like-- not saying you're feeding me all this,

like, amazingness, because it's genuine

and I know you care about me.

But at the same time,

it's, like, I'm having to deny dim my light

or mask my feelings to justify everyone else.

It's tough because I've never had

this many people tug at me.

And then I'm feeling other pressure from

the other ladies in the house who, you know,

I want to get to know.

But, you know, they feel like I'm giving you

a lot of face time.

I feel like I'm fighting for something that

I don't have a chance at winning.

I feel like you're not standing up

for this connection, and it sucks.

Seeing her, you know, get emotional,

makes me feel sad because

I do have a part of this

because I'm not being clear

in my intention.

I don't want to be stuck in the past

or be afraid of change.

I'm trying to figure out what I need in my life.

I don't want to go balls to the wall and get

so emotionally invested in you.

And then I see Ashley and then I go back

and then imagine how you'd feel at that point,

you'd break down, you'd never want to see me again.

So like, I'm trying to avoid-- I'm trying to avoid that.

But at same time, I can't say,

"Let's just be friends in this house," because

I know that I'm not gonna be able to control how I feel.

'Cause I want you to be able to, like, have your thoughts,

have your emotions.

But I don't want to keep feeling ashamed because

I have a connection with you.

I just feel like everything is about everyone else, but us.

And it's kind of hard to be excited

and be in the moment if you feel like they feel guilty

for even being there.

It sucks I feel bad about being happy,

* I'm sorry that the tears come unannounced like a flood *

I just think that maybe we just need some,

like, breathing room.

***

* This place *

* We don't know *

***