Original subtitles

LOVE ME

Clara?

-Göran? -Yes.

-Nice to meet you. -Indeed, yes...

And then I turned 11.

That's when I realized that my intellect surpassed everyone else's.

I took up chess.

I hit puberty shortly after that.

Well, that's when my body began to adapt to my intellect...

Excuse me, I... They just called from work.

-I've got to go. I'm sorry. -No worries.

-It was great meeting you. -Yes, absolutely.

-This is for my coffee. -Hey!

-I think your coffee cost 44 SEK. -Right...

No, correction. I know that it cost 44 SEK.

-So you want another 4 SEK? -Yes, fair's fair.

Definitely, fair's fair.

-God... -What?

Asking your date for 4 SEK? I don't know what to say.

If I paid for every coffee I had with every egotistical woman-

-that posts ten-year-old pics on Tinder, I'd be broke by now.

OK, Göran. But this look you've got going on here...

...does it feel modern to you?

-You look like a clown. -A clown?

Why did you save the hair here when you don't have any on top?

On my way here, I decided I wouldn't judge you too quickly.

You're not making it easy for me, showing up in pants like these.

Appearances don't bother me much. Personality is more important.

Had you been nice or funny, your hair wouldn't have mattered.

You're just an egotistical man who practices capoeira every weekend.

And you're fucking stingy.

Three good reasons why you're still single, I guess.

I'm not looking for a relationship.

OK, so what exactly was your intention with this date?

-Just say it. -I get quite a lot of sex actually.

Congratulations, good for you.

You won't be getting into my bed any day soon. Here's 5 SEK.

Damn it! Honey... I'm so fucking late.

-Where are you going? -I have a job interview today.

All my blood is down here. My brain is starved of oxygen.

-Can't you finish what you started? -My bus leaves in 8 minutes.

There's enough time.

Damn, damn, damn...

Hey!

No, no! Fuck!

I can't believe this! Damn it! Fucking idiot!

-There's another one in 10 minutes. -I won't make it. Damn it!

Damn it!

-You're just too damn sexy. -Well, excuse me.

You're excused.

Please come to my gig tonight.

I can't, it's my parents' anniversary. And I need to study.

-You're such a goody two-shoes. -I was born that way.

You do want me to support our future family, right?

Yes, I do.

Well, the college aptitude exam is a good start.

Sweetie...

My wife and I are celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary.

-I want to surprise her with a trip. -That's wonderful.

-Where would you like to go? -Well, my wife isn't very "portable".

A place where you don't have to walk very much perhaps...

...or walk at all, really.

You need a handicap accessible hotel.

-Well... -I've got the perfect luxury hotel.

I suggest the Lopesan resort in Gran Canaria.

You will get premium service: Exquisite food, drinks, massage, spa.

-Yes, well... Sounds expensive. -All-inclusive. Five-star.

Yes, but I don't think five-star is necessary.

The basic standard perhaps?

-You said you wanted to pamper her. -Did I?

-At least that was the feeling I got. -Well...

We could explore various options.

Luxury hotels offer different levels of luxury:

Deep Gold, Silver Line, Sparkling Bronze.

How about lower levels? Copper? Tin?

If you want to surprise your wife with a nice holiday-

-I think you should consider one of our more luxurious options.

You won't regret it.

I can cancel the add-ons for personal assistance and travel insurance.

-But then you can't cancel. -That won't be necessary.

Let's see... Here's the total cost.

You won't get it cheaper than that.

But it's all-inclusive.

-You can bathe in champagne. -Yes...

If you want to find your sparkle again-

-there's no better place than Senior Love Romantica.

-Senior Love Romantica? -That's what they call it.

So, what do you say?

Yes, let's do it.

GIFT FOR KERSTI

-Sten! -Hi, Ulla.

-How is she? -Good, she's good...

-You've been in our thoughts. -Thanks.

-We didn't want to bother you. -She's fine now.

A call would make her happy.

Is she well already? Her rehabilitation didn't take long.

Yes, well... She's much improved at least.

She almost died, didn't she?

-Yes, she was very ill. -She nearly died, right?

-That's what I heard. -We'll all die eventually.

Now, excuse me...

Isn't it awful? We all want to die later rather than sooner.

Yes, but neither we nor she are dead or even close to dying.

Poor thing. Åke had a former colleague-

-who suffered the same misfortune as Kersti.

He couldn't take it. He committed suicide.

Oh...

Well, that's not the case with Kersti.

She's lucky in that way.

But I can understand people that can't live with it.

-She's been brave. -Indeed.

And diabetes on top of all that!

I can't begin to imagine what it's like.

No, you can't.

I admire your ability to cope. It must be hard on you too.

I'm not the one in pain, so I'm fine.

Look, I need to...

-You struggled for a while, right? -Yes, but we try to stay positive.

Well done, that's the spirit. Let me know if I can do anything.

Yes, Ulla. Absolutely. Bye!

Never again! I removed every dating app on my way here.

-You're so dramatic! -It's not funny!

-Do you remember the magician? -He was great!

-Did you like him? -Well, I...

-What happened to him? -He managed to disappear, magically!

All he left was his hat!

I took him home and suddenly he was nowhere to be found.

-But the sex was magical, right? -No, it wasn't!

What was my point? First a magician, then a clown. What's next?

An agile little man that fits in a bottle?

That I talk to through the opening:

"Darling, come out now. I'm ready to start a family."

What's wrong with people?!

I've tried this online dating thing and it just wasn't for me.

-Come on! -People crop their photos on Tinder.

You think they've got hair on top. Then they turn up:

-No hair there. Saved the hair here. -You're generalizing.

I said I dated a three-man circus within the space of a few months.

-Who was the third one? -That short guy.

He stood next to a horse in his Tinder profile picture.

It was a Shetland pony!

-Bye! -Bye!

It wasn't funny at the time. I had to lift him onto the bar stool.

You're exaggerating! Take it easy. You've got a wonderful apartment...

...a well-paid job. You're beautiful and smart.

-Why can't I meet someone? -You're too picky.

I just want to meet a man that doesn't make me puke.

If I hadn't met Vincent so early I'd have been all over Tinder.

I would have enjoyed seeing that.

Do you remember Fanny? "Bunny Rabbit".

Yes, I remember her.

She met the love of her life on Tinder.

They're having a baby any day now.

Good for her! That's my whole point.

If men prefer women who look like bunnies then I don't stand a chance.

If she could find someone on the Internet so can you.

The Internet is full of crazy people!

We, the so-called normal people, need to steer clear of it.

-There's someone for everyone. -Yes, definitely. But not online.

It's 2019. Where else would people meet?

-In the workplace. -Bye, Clara!

Well, maybe not this workplace.

You'll meet "Mr. Right", when you least expect it.

-What a fucking cliché! -Yes, but it's true.

-See you! -Drive safely.

-Did they tell you to leave? -They didn't let me in.

They said it was a bad start to be 20 minutes late.

20 minutes late for a job interview is a bad start.

Rub it in.

-Are you going to Elsa's gig tonight? -No, I need to study.

-Did something happen? -What?

-Between you two? -No.

-Why aren't you going? -I need to study and so should you.

You can't study for a college aptitude exam.

Either you're a genius or you're not.

-Logic leads you from A to B. -Imagination takes you places.

Jenny, you're the kind of person that everyone hates.

You read stuff once and can quote navigators, Chilean poets...

But I need to study this crap a thousand times to remember it.

-3 raised to the power of x. -What?

The answer to A: 3 raised to the power of x.

Damn! Thanks.

What do you mean by, "everyone hates me"?

-I need to focus. -I'm bored!

Why are you here if you don't need to study?

-I don't know. I'm restless. -You're restless? You're funny...

-So you're not going? -No, I'm not going! God...

You're brave to let Elsa roam free like that.

Come on! What do you mean, "roam free"?

-As if I have her on a leash. -That's not what I mean.

-You know what I mean. She's not... -What?

-She's quite provocative at her gigs. -I don't know what you mean.

I'm not worried.

Oh, look! A hickey. That's very mature, Aron.

-Just drop it! I'm not worried. -Really?

We know where we stand. We love each other.

-OK, Cupid. I hear you. -Would you let me...?

What the hell was that...?

-Damn, this is great! -Can you please be quiet?

-To be silent is to consent. -Shut up!

-Aron! People are studying here. -You're such an idiot.

"Life's not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced."

-Strindberg. -Strindberg? No, Kierkegaard.

If you want to get laid tonight-

-maybe you should go easy on the quotes.

Who cares what a Danish philosopher said 100 years ago?

They want to know what Zara Larsson wrote on Twitter.

Firstly, it's 160 years ago. He died in 1855.

It's ironic that no one cares about existentialism when it embodies-

-a feeling of confusion about what seems to be a meaningless, absurd...

And after that little "info box" we'll say goodnight.

Are you sure you're not coming tonight?

As sure as Hawking was about the Big Bang.

Do you see Ville over there? He'd like a piece of your girl.

-He's such a fucking... -Aron! I was joking.

-Bye. -Bye.

-Have fun with your equations. -Use protection!

Good luck!

I met Ulla today. She's very odd.

She wanted to know exactly how poorly you were-

-so that she could tell everyone she knew.

She was so worried about you, yet she didn't dare get in touch-

-because she didn't want to bother you.

She's hard to take.

But I'm sure she means well. She feels sorry for you.

She was worried. But I told her that you were on the mend-

-and that she could stop by some day.

Ouch! Damn it!

Are you hungry?

Kersti?

-Yes? -Are you asleep?

No.

-The kids will be here soon. -Right...

Let me help you.

There... Come here, honey.

There we go.

Hang on... I need to get a good hold of you.

-Ouch! -Are you OK?

No, Sten. I'm not OK. Far from it!

Yeah, sure you are. This is going well.

Are you OK?

-We need to contact Home Care. -Why?

-You can't carry me around anymore. -Sure I can.

I'm stronger than people realize.

-Light or dark colored? -Dark.

Sit still. Purse your lips.

Hang on.

There you go.

-Happy with that? -Yes.

Stay right here. I'll get your dress.

And where would I go?

We've been married for 40 years, honey. 40 crazy...

OK, maybe not so crazy, but... 40 years!

That's a hell of a lot of years!

-This one? -It's too tight.

No, it has a loose and flowy cut.

-Not anymore. -Did it shrink in the wash?

I've been sitting still for almost 2 years. I'm too fat.

No... You're too hard on yourself.

-You're a beautiful woman. -I wasn't fishing for a compliment.

Try it on! It's going to look great on you.

Let's get this off. Raise your arms. Hang on...

-I don't want my life to end like this! -Calm down, we'll get it off.

There now, honey...

Everything will be alright.

There, there...

Right, let's eat.

-How was your interview today? -Well...

I was a bit late, so they didn't let me in.

-What? -How late?

-The bus was late, OK? -OK.

-How late was the bus? -The bus was 20 minutes late.

They didn't let you in even though the bus was to blame.

-That's really strange. -No, it's not.

If you're a manager you want your employees to be on time.

-Yes, but once? That's stupid. -I know.

-The next interview will be fine. -Thanks, mom.

Sure it will.

I bought this wine for our very special day.

-I brought a nice bottle actually. -You're mean!

-Do you remember this one? -No.

Yes, you do! Well, maybe it's not that easy...

We had this wine on our first date.

If you want to start with a nice wine it's in the kitchen.

No, this one's fine.

-Damn it! -Aron, seriously?

-Was that my fault? -You were pouring, so...

-Someone shook the bottle! -No harm done.

-How old are you? -Calm down. Clara, stop it.

A glass of red, honey?

I just took a double dose of painkillers.

Oh... We can skip the wine.

-What? -Well...

-Water can be so tasty! -You think so?

Yes, when it's cold and crisp.

-Water? -I don't have a glass.

I'll get one.

-Go get it yourself! -You're on fire today.

-Thanks, dad. -Do you have trouble walking?

-I'll pour you some. -I want to try the wine.

Thank you.

There's nothing like a glass of cold water.

I agree.

If I had died in that car accident would you be drinking water now?

-Mom, don't start! -I didn't see this coming.

-A glass of water and a diaper. -Must we always talk about death?

-Not always. -Thanks.

But sometimes...

-What the hell...? -Calm down.

-We don't get together very often. -You know what?

-Let's drink a toast to... -Yes.

Why is it so difficult to celebrate?

I am celebrating. I'm just skipping the wine.

-Even though you want it. -Yes, but I don't need it.

But why? You're not making it easier on me. You're punishing me.

I want to see you drink the wine that you've chosen.

You're sitting here talking about this wine that's so damn special.

Drink it!

-I can help you dad. -No...

-The whole glass. -That's enough, mom.

-The whole glass. -Stop it, mom!

Did you take the college aptitude exam?

What the fuck do you think? I'm a senior physician.

Just asking.

-How about the main course? -Yes, let's have the main course.

-How are things with you, Clara? -At work? Fine.

-I made it on time today too. -Smart ass.

Or maybe you were asking about life in general?

He wants to know if you've met anyone. It's about time.

-Is it about time? -Yes.

-Find a decent, well-educated man. -It's more difficult than you think.

You set the bar too high. There's no "Mr. Perfect".

-Even the sun has spots. -Did you hear that, dad?

Mom can be so romantic when she likes.

-You're not getting any younger. -You're not getting any nicer.

-Mind your attitude. -Mind your food intake.

Seriously, the dress you're wearing. Isn't it a little bit tight?

-I'm done here. -Cut it out!

-Help me to bed. -I'll help you, mom.

-No, finish your dinner. -Now!

-So dramatic. -That was so fucking unnecessary!

So she can speak to me anyway she wants?

I didn't mean to criticize you. I was just criticizing your dress.

-I'll help you, dad. -Sit down, Aron! I've got this.

-Get me out of here! -I will.

Can't you let him help you?

-Come on! She started it. -She's ill.

She's not ill. She was in a car accident.

-She's not dying! -Well maybe she had a bad day.

-Maybe I had a bad day! -Fuck this!

-Where are you going? -To study.

-For what? -The aptitude exam. I told you.

No, you asked if I had taken the exam.

Shut up!

-Are you OK? -Yes.

-There we go... -What a nice dinner, guys!

-Would you like me to raise the bed? -Yes.

OK, I'm leaving now!

-There... -That's fine.

Would you like to have dessert in here?

-I can get it for you. -I think I'll skip dessert.

Don't listen to Clara. She's just being silly.

She's right. I need to get a grip.

Even the doctor told me that I need to lose weight to get better.

I'll get you a pillow.

-Dad, shall I do the dishes? -No, I'll take care of it.

-What? -I just wanted to say goodbye.

-There you go. -Thanks.

You can't study for that exam. You either have it or you don't.

Get laid!

What would I do without you, honey?

What would I do without you?

Sit here with me. We can watch TV together.

I didn't mean to take it too fast. Can you forgive me?

Yes, I forgive you.

It's been an amazing day! What can I say?

Butterflies in my tummy, so many strong feelings.

There's been so much kissing today.

My lips are aching after all the kissing.

She's an amazing kisser. That's all I'm going to say.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Are you longing to have children? When you're trying to get pregnant-

-it's important to know when you're most fertile.

Our digital ovulation test will help you maximize your chances...

Excuse me... Could you let me pass, please?

-A sweet tooth? -What?

-Do you have a sweet tooth? -Mm.

There are more bags if you need them.

-Those are full of bacteria. -OK. Thanks.

Today alone, 40-50 little kiddies' hands in there.

-Mm. -Mm.

Hey... Take one of those too. They're really good for you.

-Hi. -Two mandarins and a powerbar.

-Anything else? -No thanks.

Have another mandarin? You might as well go the whole hog.

-I'll have one more. -Yes.

Treat yourself to a sunshine holiday.

People spend so much money on luxury. Such a waste!

Yeah...

I just need to get something.

-Could you get me a cup of tea? -Sure.

-Would you like anything, son? -No, I'm fine, thanks!

OK, this is me investing in my future...

You should be here!

-Seriously? -What?

-Are you following me? -No, I live here.

OK.

-Do you live here? -Yes, this is where my home is.

No, I'm kidding. I don't live here. See you! Enjoy your evening.

Come on then...

Kersti... 40 years have passed.

I know you think that luxury is a waste.

But if there's one person in this world-

-worth wasting money on, it's you.

I love you so much.

Kersti? Kersti!

-Aron! -I've got to run, dad!

Call an ambulance, for Christ's sake!

Kersti! Kersti!

Please don't leave me!

Hi, mom. How are you?

Oh, lovely!

Of course. Wait a minute...

Stupid windows. What the... There, OK.

Text: www.sdimedia.com