Original subtitles

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE ENTERTAINMENT

♪ I FOUND MY LOVE IN AVALON ♪

♪ BESIDE THE BAY

♪ I LEFT MY LOVE IN AVALON

♪ AND I SAILED AWAY

♪ I DREAM OF HER IN AVALON

♪ FROM DUSK TILL DAWN

♪ SO I THINK I'LL TRAVEL ON ♪

♪ TO AVALON

♪ EVERY MORN, MY MEMORY STRAYS ♪

♪ ACROSS THE SEA WHERE FLYING FISHES PLAY ♪

♪ AND AS THE NIGHT IS FALLING ♪

♪ I FIND THAT I'M RECALLING ♪

♪ THAT BLISSFUL ALL-ENTHRALLING DAY ♪

♪ BESIDE THE BAY

♪ AND I SAILED AWAY

♪ I DREAM OF HER IN AVALON

♪ FROM DUSK TILL DAWN

♪ AND SO I THINK I'LL TRAVEL ON ♪

♪ TO AVALON

Officer: STOP PUSHING!

Officer: STOP PUSHING!

Man in crowd: HOORAY! HOORAY!

Officer: PLEASE, CALM DOWN.

Elinor Glyn: IN NOVEMBER OF 1924,

DURING A WEEKEND YACHT PARTY BOUND FOR SAN DIEGO,

A MYSTERIOUS DEATH OCCURRED

WITHIN THE HOLLYWOOD COMMUNITY.

HOWEVER, THERE WAS NO COVERAGE IN THE PRESS,

NO POLICE ACTION,

AND OF THE 14 PASSENGERS ON BOARD,

ONLY ONE WAS EVER QUESTIONED BY AUTHORITIES.

LITTLE EVIDENCE EXISTS NOW, OR EXISTED AT THE TIME,

TO SUPPORT ANY VERSION OF THOSE WEEKEND EVENTS.

HISTORY HAS BEEN WRITTEN IN WHISPERS.

THIS IS THE WHISPER TOLD MOST OFTEN.

THE YACHT, YOU SEE, BELONGED TO WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARST.

ONLY IN A PLACE LIKE THIS

DO REPORTERS AND AUTOGRAPH HOUNDS

HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO SCRUPLES

ABOUT STAMPEDING MOURNERS AT A FUNERAL.

WELCOME TO HOLLYWOOD,

A LAND JUST OFF THE COAST OF THE PLANET EARTH.

Elinor: AFTER WE ALL LEAVE,

THE MAN IN THE BOX WILL DISAPPEAR.

JUST HIS ASHES WILL REMAIN.

AFTER ALL, IT'S FIRE THAT CAN HURT YOU, NOT ASHES.

Announcer: YOU'RE LISTENING TO KFI,

AND STAY TUNED FOR OUR WEEKEND MUSIC MARATHON

WITH OUR OWN KFI STUDIO ORCHESTRA.

Elinor: I FEAR THIS BIZARRE YET FASCINATING TOWN,

BUT I CAN'T LEAVE IT.

YOU SEE, I'M NEVER QUITE CERTAIN

IF I'M VISITING THE ZOO

OR IF I'M ONE OF THE ANIMALS IN A CAGE.

DON'T YOU DARE.

I WILL NOT BE SEEN ARRIVING EARLY.

YES, MA'AM.

I WANT TO AVOID THE SOLUTION TO THIS RIDDLE,

BUT THE MAN IN THE BOX FORCES US TO CONFRONT IT.

ALL OF US WERE THERE THAT WEEKEND.

STOP!

I'M NOT HERE!

THE BIRTHDAY BOY IS EARLY.

HE MUST BE ANXIOUS.

MY GOD, THIS THING MUST BE 200 FEET.

220. HE OWNS THAT?

AND THE OCEAN IT'S SITTING IN

AND THE SKY ABOVE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MAYBE THE OLD BOY SHOULD GIVE YOU THE SHIP

AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT, TOM.

THEN WE CAN SELL IT AND GET THE STUDIO OUT OF HOCK.

OH, DON'T BE SO MELODRAMATIC, GEORGE.

NO ONE'S IN HOCK.

OH, WE'RE NOT FAR AWAY,

AND I DON'T KNOW ABOUT

THIS NEW STRATEGY OF YOURS.

IT'S LIKE I TOLD YOU. PEOPLE'S TASTES HAVE CHANGED.

THEY WANNA READ MORE MODERN STORIES:

CONTEMPORARY, ADULT,

LIKE THE KIND YOU READ IN HEARST'S MAGAZINES.

Margaret: IS THIS WHAT IT'S GONNA BE LIKE

ALL THE WAY TO SAN DIEGO AND BACK?

IT'S FINE. HE HAS A LOT OF OTHER ASSETS TO OFFER.

YEAH, CASH.

I STILL DON'T THINK IT'S THE RIGHT TIME, CHARLES.

TOO OBVIOUS.

Charles: RELAX, GEORGE.

NO ONE'S GONNA BE ONTO ME.

Margaret: BUSINESS, BUSINESS.

♪ EVERYBODY LOVES MY BABY

♪ BUT MY BABY DON'T LOVE NOBODY BUT ME ♪

♪ NOBODY BUT ME

♪ EVERYBODY WANTS MY BABY

♪ BUT MY BABY DON'T WANT NOBODY BUT ME ♪

♪ THAT'S WHY I SAY--

YES, IT'S JUST BAGGAGE.

KONO, A STARVING MAN EATS THE WOODEN PLANKS OF HIS LOG CABIN.

IS THAT FUNNY?

NO, MR. CHAPLIN. NOT FUNNY.

KONO, DON'T HOLD BACK. TELL ME WHAT YOU REALLY THINK.

HUH? HMM?

Chaplin: DON'T TELL ME ELINOR GLYN HAS ARRIVED ON TIME.

GOOD GOD. PERHAPS EVEN EARLY?

OH, ALL RIGHT, THEN.

HELLO, YOU LITTLE BASTARD.

THE "LITTLE" I OBJECT TO.

I SEE YOUR YOUNG PASSION FLAME

IS NOT ACCOMPANYING YOU.

LITA? IS SHE NOT HERE?

I SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN HER.

LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY, SHALL WE?

OH, MY GOD.

BECAUSE UNFORTUNATELY...

MR. CHAPLIN, IT IS AN HONOR,

AND I MEAN A TRUE HONOR TO MEET YOU, SIR.

LOUELLA PARSONS.

I WRITE FOR MR. HEARST'S PAPER,

THE NEW YORK AMERICAN.

I'VE BEEN THERE A WHOLE YEAR.

LOUELLA PARSONS OF THE EAST,

MEET ELINOR GLYN OF THE WEST.

ELINOR IS THE FINEST AND NAUGHTIEST WRITER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME THAT.

I WISH I COULD BE INTRODUCED

AS BEING "OF THE WEST."

WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY, DEAR.

WELL, I'LL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE THEN.

I HAVE, OH, SOMETHING-OR-OTHER TO ATTEND TO.

MR. CHAPLIN, DID YOU HAPPEN TO NOTICE

THE RAVE REVIEW I GAVE YOUR LAST PICTURE,

A WOMAN OF PARIS?

YES, I DID. THANK YOU.

THAT WAS MOST KIND.

SO DESERVED. SO DESERVED.

IT JUST STINKS THAT NOBODY WENT TO SEE IT.

WELL, AT LEAST YOU WON'T LOSE YOUR SHIRT ON THE NEXT PICTURE, TOO.

I HEAR AT LEAST YOU HAVE THE GOOD SENSE TO BE IN THIS ONE.

THE GOLD RUSH.I HEAR THAT'S JUST A HINT

AS TO HOW MUCH THIS PICTURE IS COSTING YOU.

OH, THERE'S THE BIRTHDAY BOY.

AH, MARION,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.SWEETHEART.

AH, THANK YOU.

IT'S NOT UNTIL TOMORROW, BUT I ALWAYS LOVE IT

WHEN A BEAUTIFUL GIRL KISSES ME.

WOW, LOOK AT YOU.

THANKS.I SWEAR TO GOD,

WE SHOULD TRY AND FIND

A NAVAL PICTURE FOR YOU

JUST SO WE CAN GET THIS LOOK ON FILM.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, GEORGE?

ABSOLUTELY.

AND A NATURAL COMIC, TOO.

OH, THANKS.

SO, UH, WHERE IS OUR CAPTAIN?

OH, I'M SURE HE'LL BE DOWN ANY MINUTE.

...IF I'M TRULY GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE,

IS A DAILY COLUMN WITH MY NAME ON TOP

MARKING THE PLACE WHERE BOTH THE PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE

AND THE PEOPLE ON THE SCREEN

CAN COME TOGETHER TO READ THE TRUTH,

NOT JUST VICIOUS GOSSIP AND INNUENDO.

WELL, KEEP AFTER OLD W.R. I'M SURE HE'LL COME 'ROUND.

OH, I PLAN TO, BELIEVE YOU ME.

I MEAN, TAKE YOU, FOR EXAMPLE.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I, FOR ONE, AM SO SORRY

ABOUT YOUR DIFFICULTIES WITH YOUR LITTLE COSTAR.

THIS LITTLE GIRL, LITA.

OH, WE'RE HERE.

ALLOW ME.

YES, IT'S--IT'S MOVING.

OH--SO, MR. CHAPLIN,

IF YOU EVER, EVER NEED A SYMPATHETIC PERSON TO CONFIDE IN,

I'M ALL EARS. AFTER ALL,

YOU'RE GOING TO NEED SOMEONE ON YOUR SIDE

WHEN THE SHOCKING TRUTH EMERGES.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MISS PARSONS.

LOLLY.

HMM?

LOLLY. ALL MY CLOSE FRIENDS CALL ME LOLLY.

LOLLY. MM-HMM.

SO, MR. CHAPLIN--OH!

GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH!

IF YOU KIDS WILL EXCUSE ME AGAIN FOR A SEC?

CHARLIE, HOW ARE YOU?

SAFE FOR THE MOMENT.

YOU KNOW GEORGE THOMAS, MY BUSINESS PARTNER.

GEORGE.CHARLIE.

THIS IS MISS MARGARET LIVINGSTON,

GEORGE'S GUEST,

AND A DELIGHTFUL ACTRESS IN HER OWN RIGHT.

CHARMED, I'M SURE.ME, TOO.

AND MRS. INCE?

COULDN'T MAKE IT.

UH, ONE OF OUR BOYS ISN'T FEELING WELL.

OH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

YEAH. SAY, THAT, UH, WOMAN OF PARIS

WAS A TERRIFIC PICTURE.

PRETTY BIG RISK YOU TOOK BY NOT BEIN' IN IT.

YOU'RE A RISK-TAKER, CHARLIE, JUST LIKE ME.

JUST WHEN YOU'VE GOT EVERYONE LAUGHING

WITH YOUR LITTLE TRAMP CHARACTER,

YOU GO AND MAKE SOME WEEPING MELODRAMA WITHOUT HIM.

WE CAN'T FAULT THE MAN

FOR TAKIN' A GAMBLE, GEORGE,

AND ANYHOW, UH, FAILURE IS A CHARACTER BUILDER, RIGHT, CHARLIE?

I DON'T KNOW, TOM. YOU TELL ME.

THANKS A LOT. YOU INTRODUCE ME,

AND THEN YOU HOG HIM TO YOURSELF.

AH, THE LITTLE PRICK.

REALLY? I HEARD HE'S GOT A PRETTY BIG ONE.

ACTORS RUNNING A STUDIO.

IT'S LIKE THE GODDAMN SERFS RUNNING THE PALACE.

HE LOST HIS SHIRT IN THAT LAST PICTURE.

AND THEY SAY HE'S SO OVER BUDGET ON THE GOLD RUSH

HIS PARTNERS AREN'T EVEN

RETURNING HIS PHONE CALLS.NOT TO MENTION THAT

HIS 16-YEAR-OLD LEADING LADY

COLLAPSED ON THE SET, PREGNANT.

NO KIDDING.MM-HMM.

THEY LEARN ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES

SO MUCH YOUNGER THESE DAYS.THE BUZZ AROUND TOWN

IS THAT CHAPLIN DID THE POLLINATING.

OH, YEAH?

OH. ZOE, CAN YOU GET ME SOME MORE OF THESE?

DID YOU HEAR THAT HACK LECTURE ME?

HACK? THE MAN'S BUILT 3 MOVIE STUDIOS ALL BY HIMSELF.

JUST BECAUSE HE BUILDS A PAINT SHOP DOESN'T MAKE HIM VAN GOGH.

WHY HAVEN'T--

COME HERE.

WHY HAVEN'T YOU RETURNED ANY OF MY PHONE CALLS, YOU LITTLE SHIT?

'CAUSE I HATE TELEPHONES.

WELL, MAYBE I WAS CALLING TO T-TELL--

TELL YOU TO STAY AWAY THIS WEEKEND.

WELL, THAT WOULD PRETTY MUCH ENSURE THAT I'D TURN UP.

WILLIE'S HEARD ABOUT US.

HE'S EVEN HAD PRIVATE DETECTIVES AROUND.

HE ONLY INVITED YOU SO HE COULD WATCH US.

MMM! NOTHING CAN HAPPEN THIS WEEKEND.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEXT WEEKEND?

JESUS, CHARLIE. YOU DIDN'T GET ME INTO BED, AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO.

SAYS WHO, YOU OR CAPTAIN WILLIE?

SAYS ME.

I--I'VE GOTTA GO HELP LITTLE MISS LOLLY--

I MEAN IT. IF YOU START ANYTHING,

I'LL THROW YOU AND YOUR SMIRK OVERBOARD.

Marion.

DID YOU REALLY BELIEVE I WOULD'VE STAYED AWAY?

NO. BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY BELIEVE THAT I WANTED YOU TO.

I WON'T HAVE ANYBODY WALK ON THIS BOAT

WITHOUT BEING INTRODUCED TO EVERYBODY.

LOLLY, THIS IS EVERYBODY. EVERYBODY, THIS IS LOLLY--

LOUELLA PARSONS. HI.

THIS IS ONE OF WILLIE'S INSIGHTFUL MOVIE REVIEWERS.

ESPECIALLY INSIGHTFUL BECAUSE OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS SHE WRITES ABOUT ME.

AND I WROTE THEM

BEFORE I KNEW THAT YOU WERE MR. HEARST'S M--

HA HA! YOU KNOW, BEFORE YOU AND THE BOSS--

I KNEW THAT-- UM...THAT...

GOSH, THIS THING IS BIG, ISN'T IT?

YES, DEAR, BUT DOES HE KNOW HOW TO USE IT?

WELL, THAT'S THAT.

I'LL GET THE CAPTAIN SO WE CAN SHOVE OFF.

MMM.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, POPS? I'M COMIN' UP.

VERY CONVINCING.

OH. IS ANYONE HERE YET?

EVERYONE'S HERE, AND YOU KNOW IT.

ARE YOU GONNA COME DOWN FROM MOUNT OLYMPUS OR WHAT?

OH, THERE'S NO NEED FOR SARCASM, MARION.

YOU'RE THE ONE UP HERE IN RADIO CENTRAL SPYING ON EVERYONE.

THOSE WHO HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR...

SAVE THE BIBLE QUOTES.

IT'S NOT FROM THE BIBLE.

WHOEVER, THEN, FINE. GO RIGHT AHEAD AND KEEP ON SPYING,

'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE.

THERE HAVE BEEN WHISPERS, MARION.

WELL, STOP LISTENING TO WHISPERS AND LISTEN TO ME.

THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND CHARLIE.

OK?

I BOUGHT YOU SOMETHING...

IN NEW YORK.

OH, WILLIE.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL, WILLIE.

BUT YOU ALREADY GAVE ME A BUTTERFLY BROOCH.

OH, NO. THAT WAS DIAMONDS AND RUBIES.

THIS IS DIAMONDS AND JADE.

YOU DON'T HAVE ONE OF THESE.

THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS I DON'T HAVE.

WELL, IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE...

YOU CAN'T BUY ME ALL OF THEM.

YOU TRY TO GET THEM WHAT THEY DON'T GET THEMSELVES.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

DON'T EVER STOP...

AND I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE.

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?

THANK YOU.

EVERY TIME YOU THANK ME...

WHAT DO I SAY?

"SHUT UP AND KEEP ME HAPPY, POPS."

EXACTLY.

AH. DR. GOODMAN.

I DIDN'T SEE YOU COME ON BOARD.

OH, YOU KNOW ME, JOE-- ELUSIVE AS EVER.

HOW'S THE CHIEF TODAY?

A LITTLE EDGY, DAN.

MARION?

WHY ELSE?

NO, I MEAN HOW IS MARION?

OH. THE USUAL.

SPUNKY.

PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD?

HA HA HA!

HERE WE GO.

FRANK. HOW ARE YOU?

JOSEPH. HOW ARE YOU?

HOW ARE YOU, MY BOY?

NOT AT ALL, NOT AT ALL.

JOE, YOU KNOW... PLEASURE.

CHARMED.

WHO HE?

BORING FRANK BARHAM,

THE PILL OF THE HEARST PUBLISHING WORLD.

THEY'RE INVITED TO REMIND W.R.

THAT FOR EVERY ONE OF "US" THERE ARE 2 OF "THEM."

WHAT'S THE WIFE CALLED?

WHO KNOWS?

OH, MY WORD! WHAT A BIG BOAT!

WHO CARES?

MARION. MARION.

HONEY...DO YOU TRUST TOM INCE?

DO YOU TRUST HIM?

WELL, HE DOESN'T DRINK DURING THE DAY.

GOOD MORNING, MISS.CAN'T TRUST HIM.

HMM? OH...

AND I'D BETTER NOT CATCH YOU TWO TALKIN' BUSINESS.

OR WHAT?

OR YOU'LL GET YOURS. OW!

AW...

Marion: WELL... HERE HE IS!

FINALLY!

WELCOME!

SUCH A REMARKABLE ECONOMY OF WORDS

FOR ONE WHO CONTROLS MORE PRINT THAN JESUS CHRIST.

TAKE THAT BACK, MISS GLYN, OR I'LL HAVE TO DISHONOR YOUR GOOD NAME.

I HOPE SOMEONE DOES. I'M FEELING RATHER FRISKY.

UH, LOLLY. MADAME GLYN WOULD LIKE A WORD.

Bastard.

OH, MISS GLYN,

I'VE READ EVERY ONE OF YOUR WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL BOOKS.

HOW LOVELY FOR YOU, DEAR. BUT DO FORGIVE ME.

I JUST HAVE TO GO AND WRITE ANOTHER ONE.

CHIEF, IT'S NEARLY NOON.

WE SHOULD TRY AND KEEP ON SCHEDULE IF POSSIBLE.

STOP!

RAISE THE GANGPLANK!

WHOA!OH, MY GOD!

WAIT!

STOP!

OHH!

OH, THANK GOD. CAREFUL.

HE ALWAYS DOES THIS TO US! EVERY TIME!

I'M SWEATING LIKE A PIG.

JUST TO SEE US RUN!

HOW AM I GONNA LAND ANYONE THIS WEEKEND

WITH SWEAT DRIPPING OFF MY NOSE?

DON'T BITCH, DIDI. I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.

OK. HI! HELLO!

I THINK THIS IS GONNA BE A MOST ENJOYABLE BOAT RIDE.

YEAH.

THE CAT'S MEOW.

THAT'S IT, EVERYBODY!

OUT TO SEA!

♪ HOW YOU GONNA KEEP 'EM

♪ DOWN ON THE FARM

♪ AFTER THEY'VE SEEN PAREE?

♪ HOW ARE YOU GONNA KEEP 'EM AWAY... ♪

WOW.

MMM.

MMM.

MMM! OHH!

JESUS CHRIST, TOM!

SHH!

DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO HEAR YOU?

YES!

BE SENSIBLE, PLEASE.

GOD! YOU SAID THIS TIME WAS GONNA BE DIFFERENT.

YOU SAID I WAS GONNA COME OFF OF GEORGE'S ARM AND ONTO YOURS!

YOU WILL, YOU WILL. WE GOTTA BE DELICATE.

WE'VE JUST GOTTA... FIND THE RIGHT MOMENT.

NO ONE CARES WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR!

LOOK AT HEARST AND MARION, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

MRS. HEARST KNOWS ALL ABOUT MARION.

SHE DOESN'T APPROVE OF DIVORCE,

BUT SHE APPROVED THE ARRANGEMENT.

SHE WANTS TO STAY A VERY RICH WOMAN

WITH THE LAST NAME OF HEARST.

OH, IF NOT YOUR INNOCENT, VULNERABLE WIFE,

NOW WHO'S THE EXCUSE?

LOOK, I'M TRYING TO MAKE A DEAL WITH THE GUY,

SO NOT GETTING ON HIS MORALLY OBJECTIONABLE SIDE--

OH, THE MAN'S WHOLE LIFE IS MORALLY OBJECTIONABLE!

YOU'RE GETTING L-- YOU'RE GETTING...LOUD.

SORRY. YOU JUST...

GET ME CRAZY SOMETIMES. YOU KNOW?

NO, NO. Y-YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M SORRY. THIS IS MY FAULT.

I'M NOT GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO-- TO STRUT YOUR STUFF.

I DON'T WANT TO STRUT MY STUFF.

SEE? THERE YOU GO...

I WANT TO STRUT WITH YOU.

YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF SHORT.

YOU'RE A FABULOUS ACTRESS,

AND YOU SHOULD BE GIVEN A CHANCE TO SHINE.

WE CAN'T BE PUSHY, IS ALL I'M SAYIN'.

I KNOW.

LOOK, LET ME WORK SOME OF MY MAGIC

ON THE OLD MAN, AND...THEN WE'LL GET YOU NOTICED.

AS AN ACTRESS OR ON YOUR ARM?

THE LADY PLACES A TALL ORDER,

BUT, WELL, MAYBE WE CAN DO BOTH.

YEAH?

MMM.

MMM. OK.

♪ EVERY MORN MY MEMORIES STRAY

♪ ACROSS THE SEA

♪ WHERE FLYING FISHES PLAY

♪ AND AS THE NIGHT IS FALLING ♪

♪ I FIND MYSELF RECALLING

♪ THAT BLISSFUL ALL-ENTHRALLING DAY ♪

"FLAMES...OF YOUTH."

♪ I FOUND MY LOVE

DEAR GOD.

♪ IN AVALON

♪ BESIDE

♪ THE BAY

W.R.

YOU'RE EARLY FOR DINNER.

I ALWAYS LIKE TO COME OUT JUST BEFORE SUNDOWN.

BEST TIME TO WATCH THE SEAGULLS.

WHAT? OH, YEAH, YEAH. BEAUTIFUL CREATURES.

YOU KNOW, TOM, I JUST LOVE MOVIES.

I WASN'T AWARE--

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE PRESS

WAS THE MOST POWERFUL THING FOR A COMMUNICATOR,

BUT IT'S JUST NOT TRUE THESE DAYS.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

YOU KNOW? WORDS DON'T ALWAYS TRANSLATE WELL

ACROSS 7 CONTINENTS.

BUT THROUGH THOSE FABULOUS, FABULOUS MOVING PICTURES...

WELL, THAT'S THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE

OF MORALITY AND POLITICS...

AND ANY OTHER GODDAMN THING I CAN PUT INTO SOMEONE'S HEAD.

SON OF A BITCH!

YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED, YOU LITTLE BASTARD.

GOTTA KEEP THE GUN LOW, OR ELSE THEY SEE IT.

YEAH. YEAH, I SEE.

CAN I BE FRANK WITH YOU, W.R.?

YOU CAN BE WHOEVER YOU LIKE, TOM. HA!

I THINK YOUR EYE FOR THE MOVIES IS RIGHT ON TARGET.

OH, YOU DO, HUH?

BUT YOU GOTTA FACE FACTS.

THERE ARE SOME THINGS EVEN YOU CAN'T CONTROL.

LIKE WHAT?

WELL, YOUR WHOLE EMPIRE, YOUR FAMILY,

IT'S BASED ON THE EAST COAST.

THE MOVIES ARE OUT HERE.

I'M AWARE OF THAT.

WELL, THEN YOU SHOULD ALSO BE AWARE

THAT MOVIE PRODUCERS CAN'T SEND ORDERS OVER THE TELEPHONE

AND THEY CAN'T HAVE YES-MEN REPRESENT THEM...

WELL, YOU'RE BEING ALMOST...

WHEN REAL DECISIONS HAVE TO BE MADE.

INEXCUSABLY FRANK.

OH, GODDAMN IT!

LOOK, THERE'S A LOT OF MONEY IN MOVIES, W.R.

YEAH. MINE. HA HA!

I'VE MADE MILLIONS FROM THIS BUSINESS, AND, UH...

WE BOTH KNOW THAT DESPITE THE QUALITY OF YOUR PICTURES...

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

YOU'VE NEVER MADE BACK A DIME.

SUPPOSIN' I BELIEVE ALL OF YOUR FRANK OBSERVATIONS.

ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT THOMAS H. INCE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE?

I'M NOT IMPLYING, W.R. I'M STATING.

I'M TALKIN' ABOUT PERSONALLY OVERSEEING COSMOPOLITAN PICTURES...

AND MARION'S CAREER IN PARTICULAR.

HOW PERSONALLY?

WELL... CONSULTING WITH YOU

ON WHICH SCRIPTS AND DIRECTORS ARE RIGHT FOR HER...

MAKING SURE HER PRODUCTIONS, UH--

WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU?

YOUR, UM...STORIES

IN COSMOPOLITAN AND OTHER MAGAZINES, FOR STARTERS.

HMM.

IT'S NOT THAT I DOUBT YOUR BACKGROUND

IN THE MOTION PICTURE BUSINESS, TOM.

ON THE CONTRARY. THAT'S JUST WHERE IT'S BEEN LATELY--

IN THE BACKGROUND. YOU HAVE TO ADMIT,

YOU'RE NOT THE FORCE YOU WERE 5 YEARS AGO.

NO. THAT MAY BE TRUE OF THE BOTH OF US, W.R.,

BUT, UH, I THINK WE...

BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT STRENGTHS

TO HELP, UH, THE OTHER'S WEAKNESSES.

NO OFFENSE, TOM...

BUT IF AND WHEN I'M IN TROUBLE,

I DON'T NEED A CRIPPLE TO HELP ME UP.

HA! GOT YA!

LOOK AT HIM FALL.

SPLASH!

THAT'S THE ONE THAT TRIED TO GET AWAY BEFORE.

YOU STUPID BIRD!

YOU EVER EATEN A SEAGULL, TOM?

NO.

WELL, GOD, THEY TASTE AWFUL.

JUST LIKE EATING A CROW.

GONNA LET ME IN?

KICK THE DOOR IN.

I'LL KICK YOUR TEETH IN.

WELL, COME TO MY ROOM, THEN.

YOUR ROOM?

I MEAN IT. I'VE GOT A LOVE LETTER

THAT NEEDS PROOFREADING.

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE LITA PROOFREAD IT?

SHE'S NOT OLD ENOUGH TO READ.

HOW COULD I FORGET?

ADMIT IT. YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME, AREN'T YOU?

NOT AS MUCH AS YOU ARE WITH YOU, CHARLIE.

♪ EVERY MORNIN', EVERY EVENIN' ♪

♪ AIN'T WE GOT FUN

♪ NOT MUCH MONEY, OH, BUT, HONEY ♪

♪ AIN'T WE GOT FUN

AAH! ♪ THE RENT'S UNPAID, DEAR ♪

♪ AND WE HAVEN'T A CAR ♪

♪ OH, BUT ANYWAY, DEAR... ♪

OH, DOCTOR, THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I WANTED TO ASK YOU.

EVERY TIME I EAT GRAPES,

I GET EXTREME PALPITATION.

I WOULDN'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT IT.

MY HEART STARTS POUNDING REALLY FAST,

AND THEN I--I BREAK OUT IN A LITTLE RASH, AROUND MY ARM.

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, CHIEF?

IT'S FINE! EVERYTHING'S JUST FINE.

FINE, TERRIFIC.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HE STILL ONLY LETS US HAVE ONE DRINK.

WELL, DIDI, IT ISILLEGAL.

YEAH, BUT NOT FOR US. YOU HAD YOURS?

I'M SAVING MINE TILL LATER WHEN I'LL REALLY NEED IT.

OH, TOM. WAIT A SECOND.

"I DON'T NEED A CRIPPLE"?

HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO YOU?

NICE WAY TO TREAT THE GUEST OF HONOR, HUH?

IF I HAD THE SAME MEAN STREAK,

I'D THROW THE FLING MARION AND CHAPLIN ARE HAVIN' RIGHT IN HIS FACE.

MARION AND CHAPLIN? MM-HMM.

SAW 'EM HOLDING HANDS ON DECK.

YOU DID?NOTICE THEY'RE THE ONLY ONES

WE'RE STILL WAITIN' FOR?

WELL, I'D ADVISE YOU TO KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

I KNOW, I KNOW. I'M A DECENT MAN, GEORGE.

I REALLY NEED MY ESCORT, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

OH, I HOPE YOU WEREN'T ALL WAITING FOR LITTLE OL' ME

TO EAT YOUR APPETIZER.

MARION, MY DEAR, SINCE YOU'VE DECIDED TO GRACE US WITH YOUR PRESENCE,

WON'T YOU HAVE THE DECENCY TO TELL US WHERE TO SIT?

WELL, IF WILLIE HAD IT HIS WAY, HE'D TALK BUSINESS ALL NIGHT.

SO, YOU, MR. BIRTHDAY BOY, WILL SIT WAY DOWN AT MY END OF THE TABLE.

OK. AND, WILLIE,

WHY DON'T WE HAVE CHARLIE SIT BY YOU

TO KEEP YOU LAUGHING ALL NIGHT?

OR IS THAT VICE VERSA?

NOW, CHARLIE, HOLD YOUR TONGUE.

AND YOUR SEAT.

YOU GOT ME, W.R.

I'VE DONE IT TO MANY PEOPLE, BUT I'VE NEVER HAD IT DONE TO ME.

WELL, HOW DOES IT FEEL?

INVIGORATING.

OH! HA HA HA HA!

HERE WE ARE, LOLLY. SIT DOWN.

THAT WAS HYSTERICAL, MR. HEARST.

YES, WASN'T IT?

Girl singer: ♪ THERE'S NOTHIN' SURER ♪

♪ THE RICH GET RICH, AND THE POOR GET POOR ♪

♪ IN THE MEANTIME...

GOOD BAND, HUH?

ESPECIALLY THE SAXOPHONE PLAYER, HEY?

YEAH, ISN'T HE?

OOP. YOU CAUGHT ME.

SO..."BIG JOE"...

WHATCHA BEEN UP TO SINCE I SAW YOU LAST?

WELL, I SAW YOU IN LADY OF THE HAREM."

OH...YOU DID, HUH?

AND WHAT DID YOUR MAMA THINK ABOUT THAT?

WELL, MAMA WAS, UH, SITTING ON MY LAP.

YOU ARE A DIRTY, DIRTY BOY.

HA HA HA!

I SHOULD FORGET ABOUT HIM

IF I WERE YOU, DARLING.

PARDON ME?

MARRIED MOGULS AND MISTRESSES DON'T MIX, MARGARET.

HMM. THAT'S RATHER GOOD.

I MUST USE THAT IN A NOVEL.

HAVE YOU GOT A PEN? YES.

MARION.

NOT EVEN ONE TEENSY-WEENSY BIT OF BUSINESS TALK?

MMM. WHAT IS IT, TOM?

WELL, I'M TRYING TO NEGOTIATE A DEAL WITH W.R.

YOU MIND TELLIN' ME THE SECRET?

HOW DO YOU GET THROUGH TO HIM?

YOU WANNA KNOW MY SECRET?

MM-HMM.

I DON'T HAVE TO DO A GODDAMN THING.

I DON'T FOLLOW YOU.

PEOPLE HAVE FUNNY IDEAS ABOUT ME AND WILLIE...

THE WHOLE GOLD DIGGER THING.

NO, NO, NO. I DIDN'T MEAN--YOU'RE CUTE, TOM.

THE TRUTH IS, WILLIE DID THE PURSUING.

HE USED TO BUY 2 SEATS EVERY NIGHT WHEN I WAS IN THE FOLLIES--

ONE FOR HIM AND ONE FOR HIS HAT.

I NEVER ONCE ASKED HIM TO PUT ME IN A PICTURE.

HELL, IT WOULD TAKE MORE EFFORT

TO GET HIM TO STOP PUTTING ME IN PICTURES.

THAT'S MY SECRET, TOM.

WITH WILLIE, I DON'T HAVE TO DIG.

SO...YOUR HUSBAND IS MR. FRANK BARHAM?

OH, YES, HE CERTAIN IS.

Frank: HELLO, DARLING.

WHO'S THAT?

THAT'S MR. BARHAM.

OH, I THOUGHT MAYBE YOUR LOVER WAS ON BOARD.

TOO BAD.

OOH!

OH, NOW, DAN, DON'T BE MODEST.

OH, NO. MR. HEARST TAKES FULL RESPONSIBILITY

FOR COSMOPOLITAN PICTURES.

EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE ONE OF HIS TOP EXECUTIVES.

I'M ACTUALLY A PHYSICIAN BY TRADE.

WHAT, YOU'RE... A DOCTOR?

SEMI-RETIRED.

HOW NICE. VERY...

MEDICINAL?

Hearst: I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I SHOULD ASK YOU.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, CHARLIE...

ABOUT MARION'S PICTURES,

HOW WE'VE BEEN HANDLING HER?

WELL, TO BE HONEST, I DON'T THINK YOU RECOGNIZE

THAT SHE'S A WONDERFUL COMEDIENNE.

I MEAN...HER EYES, HER SMILE, HER LAUGH.

SHE'S A DELIGHT.

OH, COMEDY.

I DON'T WANT PEOPLE LAUGHING AT MARION.

WELL, SHE DOESN'T NEED ANY MORE STODGY PERIOD DRAMAS.

WELL, EXCUSE ME...

BUT MARION BELONGS IN SERIOUS, IMPORTANT PICTURES.

SHE DOESN'T NEED TO BE RUNNING AROUND

IN SOME BAGGY-PANTS COMEDY.

NO OFFENSE, CHARLIE.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU'RE NOT DOING WHAT'S RIGHT FOR MARION.

NO OFFENSE, W.R.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST.

IT'S USUALLY WILLIE'S JOB, BUT AS YOU KNOW, A FEW WEEKS AGO,

US GALS GOT TO VOTE FOR PRESIDENT AGAIN.

SO I FIGURE I CAN DO

WHATEVER THE HELL I DARN WELL PLEASE.

SO HERE'S TO OUR BIRTHDAY BOY.

AH! OH.

NOT ONLY DID TOM INVENT THE COWBOY PICTURE,

BUT HE HELPED BUILD THIS TOWN.

HE FIGURED OUT HOW TO RUN A STUDIO

THAT COULD MAKE 10 MOVIES AT THE SAME TIME.

AND TOOK CREDIT FOR EVERY ONE OF 'EM!

OH, WILLIE!

HEH HEH HEH HEH!

TO TOM!

TO TOM!TO TOM!

THANK YOU.

THAT'S VERY SWEET.

MR. HEARST, I JUST WANT TO SAY

IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO BE HERE.

THE MORE I SEE THE LOVELY PEOPLE OF CALIFORNIA,

THE MORE I'M REMINDED OF THE NEED FOR A COLUMNIST--

YOU KNOW, LOLLY,

THE FIRST RULE OF CALIFORNIA LIVING

IS NEVER TO MIX BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE.

NOW, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?

OH. WELL, I...MMM. I WAS JUST SAYING

IT'S SO...WONDERFUL

TO SEE ALL THESE FASCINATING PEOPLE

ASSEMBLED IN ONE PLACE.

YOU SEE, CHARLIE? THAT'S WHY I HIRED HER.

EVEN WITH A GUN AT HER HEAD,

SHE STILL GIVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY RAVE REVIEWS.

AS LONG AS NOBODY PULLS THE TRIGGER.

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA! HA HA HA!

WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT DOWN THERE?

IT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER!

IT WAS ALL ABOUT

THERE WAS A GUN AT MY HEAD AND SOMEBODY PULLED

THE TRIGGER! HA HA!

GUNS AND TRIGGERS-- SUCH VIOLENCE.

ALL IN LINE WITH MADAME ELINOR'S CALIFORNIA CURSE.

CALIFORNIA CURSE? WHAT'S THAT?

OH...NOT THAT NASTY THING. NOT NOW.

OH, YES, ELINOR.

DO EDUCATE OUR VISITOR.

WELL, LOLLY DEAR,

THE CALIFORNIA CURSE STRIKES YOU LIKE A DISEASE

THE MINUTE YOU SET FOOT IN HOLLYWOOD,

SO PAY CLOSE ATTENTION.

OH, I AM. I AM.

YOU SEE, LOLLY, THIS PLACE YOU'VE ARRIVED IN,

THIS PLACE WE CALL HOME, ISN'T A PLACE AT ALL,

BUT A LIVING CREATURE.

A LIVING CREATURE?

MORE PRECISELY, AN EVIL WIZARD.

LIKE IN THE OLD STORIES.

AND...YOU ALL LIVE ON HIM?

LIKE FLEAS ON THE BELLY OF A MUTT.

Elinor: EXACTLY.

BUT UNLIKE THE HELPLESS DOG,

THIS WIZARD IS ABLE TO BANISH THE TRUE PERSONALITIES

OF THOSE HE BEWITCHES,

FORCING THEM AGAINST THEIR WILL TO CARRY OUT HIS COMMAND,

TO FORGET THE LAND OF THEIR BIRTH,

THE PURPOSE OF THEIR JOURNEY,

AND WHATEVER PRINCIPLES THEY ONCE HELD DEAR.

DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE SYMPTOMS.

THAT'S MY FAVORITE PART.

THE CURSE IS TAKING HOLD OF YOU

IF YOU EXPERIENCE THE FOLLOWING:

YOU SEE YOURSELF AS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN ANY ROOM.

YOU ACCEPT MONEY

AS THE STRONGEST FORCE IN NATURE.

AND FINALLY... YOUR MORALITY VANISHES

WITHOUT A TRACE.

THANK GOD NONE OF US HAVE BEEN INFECTED. EH, W.R.?

UM...YES. THANK GOD FOR THAT.

CHARLESTON, EVERYBODY!

WHOO!

COME ON, POPS. LET'S SHOW 'EM HOW IT'S DONE.

YOU BET!

OH...YEAH!

OHHH...

I'M TIRED. LET'S SIT--SIT DOWN.

SIT? I WANT TO POUND MY FEET SO HARD THE DEVIL WILL COMPLAIN.

OH, HO HO!

WHOO!

Hearst: WELL, BARHAM?

YEAH!

HA HA HA HA HA!

AAH!

COME ON, JAY, TAKE US TO THE MOON!

AAH! AAH!

WHOO-OOH!

WHOO!

AAH! AAH!

Hearst: NOW, THEY JUST SHOT ALL THIS A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO.

I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY OF IT YET.

OH, IT'S WONDERFUL. OHH...

Hearst: THERE. THERE. YOU SEE THAT THRONE?

THAT THRONE IS FROM THE 16th CENTURY.

THAT'S KING LOUIS II.

I BROUGHT THAT OVER FROM HUNGARY.

HMM.

OH, HONEY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL. JUST WONDERFUL.

HMM?

I'M A DUCK.

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!!

HA HA HA!

GET IN THERE! OW!

WOW, MARION! LOOK AT YOU!

OH, YEAH, BUT THAT MOVIE SURE WENT IN THE SHIT-HOUSE.

OK, WILLIE'S AT THE WHEEL FOR 2 HOURS,

SO WHO'S FIRST?

HANDS OFF, YOU LITTLE TRAMP.

MARION, YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST MOONSHINE.

THAT'S BECAUSE EVERY HOUR,

BOTTLES ARRIVE FROM HER MANY ADMIRERS.

WOW, THIS ONE'S SURE GOT SEX APPEAL.

WHO GAVE IT TO YOU?

WHO DO YOU THINK?

OH. I SEE.

WELL...IT'S MINE NOW.

AHOY THERE!

TOM, HOW ARE YA?

STUFFED.

THAT WAS SOME BANQUET.

WELL, WAIT TILL TOMORROW.

MARION'S PREPARING QUITE A BIRTHDAY FEAST.

MARION IS... A SPECIAL WOMAN.

YEP. SHE IS.

OF COURSE, IT'S SO HARD TO LOVE SOMEONE IN OUR BUSINESS.

SO MANY MEN WHO PREY ON BEAUTY.

AND NOT SINCERELY, EITHER, BUT, UH...

IN CRUEL WAYS. JUST FOR THE CONQUEST.

MMM.

I MEAN, TAKE A CHARACTER LIKE CHAPLIN, FOR EXAMPLE.

HE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTORIOUS.

I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT THIS GIRL LITA, HIS LEADING ACTRESS?

MMM?

WELL, APPARENTLY, SHE'S PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD.

SHE'S ONLY 16, FOR CHRIST SAKES.

MMM. HA HA HA.

THAT'S WHY I KEEP MY NEL FAR AWAY FROM SHOW PEOPLE.

WOMEN AREN'T AS STRONG AS WE ARE.

THEY'RE-- THEY'RE EASILY FOOLED.

THEIR HEARTS ARE EASILY...CORRUPTED.

YEAH. YEAH, IT IS A CONCERN.

WELL, IT MUST BE, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE AMOUNT OF TIME

YOU'RE FORCED TO SPEND NEARLY 3,000 MILES APART.

THIS MIGHT BE SOMETHING ELSE I COULD HELP YOU WITH.

OH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, IF WE WERE TO MERGE OUR MOTION PICTURE INTERESTS,

ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER BENEFITS...

I COULD KEEP AN EYE ON HER FOR YOU.

HMM.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SHE NEEDS TO BE WATCHED?

WELL, SHE CERTAINLY HAS--

IS FOUR A CROWD?

NOT AT ALL.JOIN US.

YOU WERE SAYING, TOM?

WE CAN TALK LATER, W.R.

SUCH A CHARMING CABIN.

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE.

What a nice man.

YES. VERY NICE.

HERE I AM WITH SURPRISES!

WHAT YOU GOT THERE, CELIA?

IT'S DOPE, DIDI. OK?

YOU HAD THAT THE WHOLE CAR RIDE,

AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?

IF I'D TOLD YOU IN THE CAR, BABY,

THAT BOX WOULD BE EMPTY RIGHT NOW.

HI. IS IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY

ABOUT A JAZZ MAN AND HIS...INSTRUMENT?

EVERY WORD, SISTER.

OH. YOU'RE WITH ME. COME ON.

HEY!NOW, ELLIE,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE A FLAT TIRE

ABOUT OUR PLAYTIME, ARE YA?

YOU DO AS YOU LIKE, MARION DEAR.

JUST DON'T EXPECT ME TO JOIN IN SUCH INFANTILE NONSENSE.

MMM.

FRANK, I ADMIRE YOUR MARRIAGE.

IT'S SO SIMPLE. CLEAN.

THANK YOU, W.R.

NOTHING COMPLICATING THINGS.

QUITE FRANKLY, I FEEL PARTICULARLY UNINTERESTING

COMPARED WITH THE COLORFUL LIFESTYLES OF YOUR OTHER GUESTS.

LORD KNOW WHAT THEY'RE ALL UP TO AT THIS HOUR.

FRANK, I WON'T HEAR SUCH TALK.

THE CODES OF DECENT BEHAVIOR

ARE STILL SOMETHING TO BE HELD IN HIGH REGARD.

WE SHOULD FEEL NO SHAME FOR NOT BEING

AS "LIBERAL-MINDED" AS THE REST OF THE COMPANY.

DARLING, PLEASE.

I MEAN NO DISRESPECT, MR. HEARST.

BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT ONE OF THOSE ACTRESS PERSONS

SAID TO ME AT DINNER TONIGHT?

WHAT?

SHE HAD THE GUMPTION TO ASK IF FRANK WAS MY LOVER.

NO! YES!

WHAT DID YOU TELL HER?

I SAID, "MR. BARHAM IS MY HUSBAND, DEARIE!

WE ARE NOT LOVERS!"

WELL, YOU SET HER STRAIGHT.

OHH! THE THOUGHT OF SUCH A THING!

AMONG THE FINEST I'VE EVER TASTED, CELIA.

THE ABSOLUTE FINEST.

WHO IS IT?

IT'S ME.

IF YOU SAY, "IT'S TOM INCE

"TO SEE MISS MARGARET LIVINGSTON

ALONE IN HER CABIN ON A SATURDAY NIGHT,"

YOU'LL GET A BIG SURPRISE.

IT'S, UM...

TOM INCE TO SEE MISS MARGARET LIVINGSTON

ALONE IN HER CABIN ON A SATURDAY NIGHT.

I SUPPOSE THAT'S THE BEST I'LL GET OUT OF YOU.

WHO SAID HE WAS A SULTAN?

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, TIME FOR CHARADES!

OH... CHARAHHHDS.

WE CALL THEM CHARAIDS.

THESE ARE THE SUBJECTS I'VE PREPARED.

WELL. WE'LL BE ONE TEAM.

OH. UH, VERY WELL, THEN.

DIDI AND, UH, CELIA WILL BE TEAM 2.

OH, WHAT A GYP.

SHUT UP!

COME, MARION, CHOOSE.

HA HA HA!

2 MEDICAL STUDENTS I ONCE KNEW.

LET 'EM GET STARTED, WILL YA?

I'M JUST GUESSING.

INDIAN LOVE CALL BY HARBACK AND HAMMERSTEIN!

OH, NO.GUPPIES!

NO!

KING AND QUEEN TUT!

THERE WAS NO MRS. TUT!

Didi: RAOWRR!

RAHRR!

Didi: UH-OH.

Jay: YEAH. GOOD. NOW...OH. OH. OOH!

Didi: CONCUBINES.

Didi: I KNOW! SEX!

THIS CHARADE HAS BEEN MISREAD.

MARION DEAR, COME OUTSIDE SO I CAN EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.

NOW, MARION, WHAT IS GOING ON?

OH...I PROMISED MYSELF THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

YOU HAVE TO PROMISE YOURSELF?

I DON'T KNOW. I-- I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT.

HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH HIM?

NO. HAVE YOU?

NO!

THANK GOD.

YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM?

HE THINKS HE'S IN LOVE WITH ME.

UHH! MARION, CHARLES IS ONLY CAPABLE

OF A MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS OWN MOVIES.

BUT I WANT TO TRUST HIM BEFORE I...

BEFORE YOU WHAT?!

MARION, LISTEN TO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!

YOU KNOW, WILLIE'S THE FIRST MAN WHO EVER HAD FAITH IN ME.

AND I'M ALL HE'S GOT KEEPING HIM A HUMAN BEING.

I THINK HE'D--HE'D DIE IF I LEFT HIM.

I THINK HE WOULD.

AND DO YOU THINK CHARLES CHAPLIN WOULD DIE

IF YOU LEFT HIM?

CHARLIE MIGHT CRY AT MY GRAVE

AND RECITE SOME LOUSY POEM HE WROTE.

BUT GIVE HIM A DAY OR 2,

AND HE'D BE BACK IN THE MARKET.

A DAY OR 2?DARLING,

CHARLES WOULD COPULATE

WITH A REASONABLY ATTRACTIVE PALL BEARER.

UHH. WHAT IS IT, BABY?

I'M SORRY.

NO. DON'T BE SORRY.

IT'S JUST THAT...

OH, TALK TO ME.

IT'S JUST WHAT?

EVERYTHING.

YEAH? HMM?

I, UM...FEEL LIKE IT'S ALL SLIPPING AWAY.

WHAT IS?

EVERYTHING. OH.

ME. MMM.

TONIGHT HEARST CALLED ME A CRIPPLE IN THE PICTURE BUSINESS.

OH, THAT'S A LOUSY THING TO SAY.

IS THAT HOW PEOPLE SEE ME--

AS A CRIPPLE? NO!

OR A CR-- A CREDIT HOG?

NO, HONEY, NO.

GOD.

I USED TO BE A FORCE IN THIS TOWN.

YOU ARE A FORCE.

NOT TOO LONG AGO,

I USED TO MAKE 40 PICTURES A YEAR.

NOW I'M LUCKY IF I CAN GET ONE OFF THE GROUND.

OH, GOD, I NEED HIM SO BADLY.

YOU'LL GET HIM.

YOU THINK SO? OH, I KNOW SO.

DO YOU?

YEAH, I KNOW IT!

YOU'RE A FORCE.

MMM. MMM.

I AM, AREN'T I?YOU ARE.

WELL, MARION MUST THINK YOU'RE A LOUSY KISSER

OR ELSE SHE'D BE BACK BY NOW.

HEY, CHARLIE,

YOU LOOK JUST LIKE ADOLPHE MENJOU IN THIS AD.

THAT'S BECAUSE IT IS ADOLPHE MENJOU.

WELL, NO WONDER I NEVER HEARD OF THE PICTURE.

WHO WANTS TO SEE A CHARLIE CHAPLIN PRODUCTION

WITHOUT CHARLIE CHAPLIN?

NOT--NOT...

NOT MANY PEOPLE, APPARENTLY.

TYPE IT UP, WILL YOU?

SHIT.

JUST BE STRONG AND KEEP TELLING HIM "NO."

UNDERSTAND?

YEAH.

4 PEOPLE ON A BED,

AND CHAPLIN THE ONLY ONE ASLEEP.

NOW THAT'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAY.

W.R.?

A WIRE'S COME THROUGH FROM THE NEW YORK OFFICE.

IT'S, UH, AN ITEM THAT'S GONNA BE PUBLISHED

IN TOMORROW'S NEW YORK DAILY NEWS.

GRACE KINGSLEY.

OH, GOD. WHICH ONE OF MY PICTURES IS SHE BASHING NOW?

I'LL LEAVE IT HERE FOR YOU.

NO, NO, NO, NO. GO AHEAD AND READ IT.

"CHARLIE CHAPLIN CONTINUES TO PAY ARDENT ATTENTION

"TO MARION DAVIES.

"HE SPENT THE EVENING AT MONTMARTRE DINING AND DANCING

"WITH THE FAIR MARION THE OTHER NIGHT.

"THERE WAS A LOVELY YOUNG DANCER ENTERTAINING THAT EVENING,

"AND CHARLIE APPLAUDED, BUT WITH HIS BACK TURNED.

"HE NEVER TOOK HIS EYES OFF MARION'S BLONDE BEAUTY.

MISS DAVIES LOOKED VERY FETCHING INDEED."

PHOTOS?

STUDIO CLOSEUPS OF EACH OF THEM.

PLACED SIDE BY SIDE?

YEAH.

CAPTION?

"THEY'RE STILL SEEN AROUND WITH EACH OTHER."

I'LL LEAVE IT HERE FOR YOU.

FINE, FINE. YOU CAN GO NOW.

SHALL I MAKE A CALL--

GET OUT!

GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING.

QUESTION.

2 MEN STARVING TO DEATH

DECIDE TO EAT THEIR HAIR LIKE SPAGHETTI.

IS THAT FUNNY?

HMM. WELL, IT DEPENDS WHETHER BY FUNNY

YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH.

Hearst: BUT I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC.

BRING THE CANNON OUT HERE.

BRING THE CANNON.

NOW, LADIES, DON'T BE FRIGHTENED.

MR. CANNONBALL.

BRING IT UP HERE, BOYS.

HOW'S IT GOING?

ALL RIGHT. STOP. GET BACK, BOYS.

GET OUT OF THE WAY.

PUT THOSE BALKS DOWN THERE SO WE DON'T--

THAT'S RIGHT.

ARE YOU READY, MR. CANNONBALL?

READY. AH.

GET BACK, BOYS. YOU'LL GET BLOWN UP.

ONLY US BRAVE PERFORMERS ARE GONNA STAY UP HERE.

ARE YOU READY, MR. CANNONBALL?

READY. ALL RIGHT.

AMAZING!

AMAZING, AMAZING!

EVERY SINGLE TIME!

BY JINGO!

I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE SEEN YOU DO THAT,

BUT IT NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME.

YOU ARE SOMETHING!

I BELIEVE I SAW YOU PERFORM ON CATALINA LAST SUMMER.

YEP, CATALINA.

UP AND DOWN THE COAST FROM FRISCO

CLEAR ON DOWN TO ENSENADA.

WHEREVER YOU SEE A CANNONBALL HIT A MAN'S STOMACH

AND THEN SEE THAT SAME MAN WALK AWAY ON BOTH LEGS,

YOU'RE SEEING ME.

DIDN'T I TELL YA?

OH, THAT WAS GOOD.

I'VE SEEN IT A HUNDRED TIMES.

HOW MANY MORE TIMES DO YOU SUPPOSE IT WILL TAKE

BEFORE THE CANNONBALL EXPLODES

THROUGH THE POOR MAN'S BACK?

I DON'T KNOW,

BUT WHEN IT HAPPENS, HEARST'LL BE THERE

WITH THE MATCH IN HIS HAND.

THAT IS, AFTER ALL, WHAT HE'S WAITING TO SEE.

Hearst: MR. CANNONBALL, YOU'RE JUST THE BEST.

FOLKS, ISN'T THAT FANTASTIC?

BOY, YOU'RE THE SNAKE'S HIPS.

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE.

GEORGE.

YOU KNOW, MARGARET,

THERE'S A CERTAIN UNSPOKEN BOND

BETWEEN SINGLE WOMEN WHO ARE TRAPPED ON A YACHT TOGETHER.

WHAT DIDI WANTS TO KNOW IS:

IS IT TRUE YOU'RE TOM INCE'S LOVER?

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

I THINK TOM INCE IS VERY ATTRACTIVE,

NOT TO MENTION INFLUENTIAL.

HE'S A LITTLE SHORT,

BUT, UH, THEN EVERY MAN IN THIS TOWN

IS, UH, MUCH SMALLER THAN YOU'D LIKE HIM TO BE.

EXCUSE ME.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? LISTEN TO ME.

I TRIED THE ALL-BUSINESS APPROACH.

IT DOESN'T WORK.

I NEED TO SHOW HIM I CAN HANDLE HIS PRIVATE LIFE, TOO.

BY PROVING THAT MARION'S UNFAITHFUL? SHH!

YOU WILL MAKE HIM HATE YOU FOREVER.

I KNOW YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOME HARPOON, TOM,

BUT THIS ONE IS DANGEROUSLY DOUBLE-EDGED.

TOM, WE NEED TO TALK.

NOT NOW, MARGARET. LOOK...

HI, EVERYONE!All: HI!

DID I MISS IT?

MARION!

HE COULD DO IT AGAIN.

SHUT UP.

Hearst: MARION!

AW, YOU JUST MISSED IT.

AGAIN? IT'S AMAZING HOW I MANAGE TO MISS IT EVERY TIME.

Hearst: MARION, MEET MR. CANNONBALL.

YOU OUGHT TO SEE HIM SOMEDAY.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, FOLLOW ME.

HELLO.

I DON'T THINK THAT WE'VE BEEN PROPERLY INTRODUCED.

I'M JESSICA BARHAM, FRANK BARHAM'S WIFE.

MARGARET LIVINGSTON.

CHARMED.

AND WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DO?

I'M TOM INCE'S LOVER.

Radio: YOU'RE LISTENING TO KFI STUDIO ORCHESTRA

WITH OUR WEEKEND MUSICAL MARATHON

RIGHT HERE ON THE VOICE OF THE SOUTHLAND.

WILLIE?

W.R., BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.

HOW ABOUT THAT TOUR YOU'VE BEEN PROMISING?

UH, YEAH...

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU

ABOUT THE TIME THAT I...

I HAVE NEWS.

IF YOU WERE STARVING AND HAD NO FOOD,

WOULD YOU EAT YOUR SHOE?

WHAT?

YOUR SHOE. WOULD YOU EAT IT?

OF COURSE I WOULD.

YOU WOULD? I'D HAVE TO BOIL IT.

THAT'SFUNNY.

YEAH, WELL, THIS ISN'T.

OOH, DAILY NEWS GETS THE SCOOP.

HOW EMBARRASSING FOR WILLIE.

NOT EVEN A HEARST NEWSPAPER.

IF--IF--IF WILLIE ASKS YOU,

I WANT YOU TO TELL HIM THAT I TOLD HIM IT'S ALL CHEAP GOSSIP.

YOU LIE IF YOU WANT TO. IF HE ASKS ME,

I'M GOING TO LOOK RIGHT INTO THOSE IMPOTENT EYES

AND TELL HIM I WANT TO TAKE HIS GIRL,

RIP OFF HER DRESS--

DON'T!

DON'T PUNISH ME FOR BEING WITH WILLIE.

YOU'RE SCARED BECAUSE YOU CANNOT ADMIT

THAT YOU LOVE ME.

GO AND SAY IT. I CAN SAY IT.

I LOVE YOU!

I LOVE WILLIE.

NO, YOU DON'T BECAUSE HE CAN NEVER LOVE ONLY YOU.

HE HAS HIS PAPERS AND HIS POLITICIANS

AND HIS WIFE AND HIS KIDS.

I CAN GIVE YOU ALL MY LOVE.

OH, YEAH? DID YOU PROMISE LITA ALL YOUR LOVE

THEN TAKE IT AWAY NOW THAT SHE'S PREGNANT?

THAT WAS A MISTAKE!

MY...MY FASCINATION WITH LITA

IS CAUSED BY SOME PART OF ME

THAT'S TRYING TO TEAR MY LIFE APART.

BUT I COULD NEVER LOVE HER.

I COULD NEVER MARRY HER.

IF I DID, IT WOULD DESTROY EVERYTHING I'VE WORKED FOR.

IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, CHARLIE.

IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU.

NO. I CAME FROM NOTHING!

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT POVERTY IS.

I KNOW WHAT DIRT TASTES LIKE,

AND YOU DON'T!

EVERYTHING I'VE WORKED FOR,

I'VE EARNED MYSELF.

OH, YEAH, AND WILLIE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT WILLIE?

WILLIE CAN ALWAYS BE TRUSTED.

I GIVE TO HIM BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DEMAND IT!

I KNOW HE DOESN'T DEMAND IT.

HE--HE EXPECTS IT.

OH, GO TO HELL!

HERE'S MY MANSION, AND HERE'S MY YACHT.

HERE'S MY MARION DAVIES

ALL STUFFED AND MOUNTED.

BUT MARION WILL NEVER LEAVE THE WALLS OF THE CASTLE,

BECAUSE IF SHE DID, SHE'D REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LIVE.

CHARLIE, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

BECAUSE WE WERE MEANT TO BE.

ALL WORDS, JUST WORDS.

NO, PASSION.

I'M TALKING ABOUT PASSION.

I DON'T MEAN PASSION FOR--

FOR YACHTS OR-- OR GIN OR DOPE

OR GODDAMN CHARLESTON!

I'M TALKING ABOUT...

I'M TALKING ABOUT...

NOW THAT...

BOY, THAT IS A THING OF BEAUTY, W.R.

I TELL YOU, I MAY BE MARRIED TO NEL,

BUT BOATING IS MY SECRET LOVE.

WHAT?

OH, YES. SECRET LOVE.

THIS BOAT...HAS ALWAYS MADE ME HAPPY, CALM.

MY GOD, IT PRACTICALLY PURRS!

YEAH. I COME DOWN HERE. THIS SOUND CALMS ME.

YOU'RE A CIVILIZED MAN, W.R.

OH, WHY DOES THAT SURPRISE YOU?

BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE POWER TO ACT UNCIVILIZED.

YOU COULD OVERSTEP THE RULES, BUT YOU DON'T.

BEFORE I'D CALL YOU A RICH OR POWERFUL MAN,

I'D SIMPLY CALL YOU DECENT.

WELL, THANK YOU, TOM.

NO, I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT.

I MEAN, IT'S COMPLETELY AMAZING TO ME

HOW CIVILIZED YOU'RE BEHAVING ALL WEEKEND.

I MEAN, CONSIDERING.

CONSIDERING WHAT?

WELL, IT'S, UH, CLEAR CHAPLIN HAS DESIGNS ON MARION.

I MEAN, THE NERVE OF HIM.

FLIRTING SO BLATANTLY.

AFTER YOU.

EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT HE'S UP TO.

MUST BE SO INFURIATING.

YES. I HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "EVERYONE"?

WHAT?

YOU JUST SAID "EVERYONE KNOWS."

WHO'S EVERYONE?

WELL, EVERYONE ON THIS BOAT, FOR EXAMPLE.

I MEAN, IF SOMEONE WAS COMING AFTER MY NEL,

I...I DON'T KNOW IF I'D BE ABLE TO...

EXERCISE SUCH... IMPRESSIVE RESTRAINT.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO KEEP CONTROL.

YEAH. CONTROL.

OTHERWISE, YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

EXCUSE ME, W.R.

COULD I GET INTO THE LIBRARY?

AW, DAMN. I LOCKED IT.

SORRY ABOUT THAT, DAN.

I'LL SEE YOU UP TOP, TOM.

"UP TOP TOM." TRY TO SAY THAT 3 TIMES FAST.

W.R.?

THANKS FOR THE WEEKEND.

OHH.

THANKS FOR PLAYING WITH ME.

DON'T MENTION IT.

IT REALLY IS RATHER DULL, ISN'T IT?

WHAT IS?

YOU KNOW, PING-PONG.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO PLAY.

WELL, I DID. I WANT TO PLAY.

I WANT TO GET BETTER.

AFTER ALL, ANYBODY WHO'S ANYBODY PLAYS PING-PONG.

IT IS RATHER DULL.

I ONLY PLAY 'CAUSE I CAN BEAT TOM.

TOM INCE? THAT'S RIGHT.

WHY SHOULD IT MATTER TO ANYBODY

IF YOU COULD BEAT TOM INCE?

BECAUSE TOM INCE IS MY LOVER.

THAT IS FASCINATING.

I MEAN, THAT IS TRULY FASCINATING.

WE ONLY JUST MET, AND YET YOU INSTINCTIVELY FEEL

LIKE YOU CAN TRUST ME.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MARGARET,

THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME ALL MY LIFE.

PEOPLE FEEL THAT THEY CAN CONFIDE THEIR DEEPEST,

DARKEST SECRETS IN ME.

LIKE YOU JUST DID.

I HATE TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE, LOLLY,

BUT I WOULD HAVE TOLD WHOEVER

WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT PING-PONG TABLE.

YES, BUT HOW FORTUNATE

THAT I JUST LEARNED HOW TO PLAY PING-PONG,

OR ELSE YOU MIGHT HAVE TOLD THE WRONG PERSON.

THERE ARE WRONG PEOPLE, YOU KNOW.

YES, I KNOW.

DON'T WORRY.

YOUR SECRET IS SAFE WITH ME.

MY SERVE?

MMM.

♪ I'M JUST WILD ABOUT TOMMY ♪

♪ AND TOMMY'S WILD ABOUT ME ♪

HA HA HA HA!

MARION! MARION!

BRING IT IN! HA HA HA HA!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOM!

MAKE A WISH.

ALL RIGHT, HERE GOES.

All: YAY!

WOULD YOU TAKE IT TO BE CUT? THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

HOLD IT DOWN BACK THERE. HOLD IT DOWN.

I WANT TO PROPOSE A BIRTHDAY TOAST

TO MY GOOD FRIEND AND COWBOY CREATOR

THOMAS HARPER INCE.

ONE OF THE GIANTS OF THE MOTION PICTURE INDUSTRY.

TO JUST GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF HOW BIG HE IS,

HE'S JUST MADE A PROPOSAL THAT WE MERGE OUR HOLDINGS

IN THE MOTION PICTURE INDUSTRY.

NOW, WE HAVEN'T COME TO AN AGREEMENT YET,

BUT I CAN SAY THAT HE IS ONE OF THE MOST INSIGHTFUL

AND OBSERVANT MEN I'VE EVER KNOWN.

PERHAPS NOW IS THE TIME--

I HEREBY CALL THIS MEETING OF THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS

OFFICIALLY OVER.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC. HERE'S TO TOM!

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, W.R.

YOU'RE TOO GENEROUS, REALLY.

NOW THE REAL THING ON EVERYONE'S MIND IS WHETHER OR NOT

WILLIE'S GONNA LET US HAVE ANOTHER GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE.

IS THAT REALLY WHAT'S ON EVERYBODY'S MIND?

A SECOND GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE?

WELL, IT'S ON MY MIND, I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

I DO NOT ASK MUCH,

BUT THE LITTLE THAT I DO ASK MUST BE RESPECTED.

I DON'T SAY THIS AS A THREAT.

IT'S JUST A... A WISH I HAVE AS A MAN.

I, UH...I, UH...

I-I'M A MAN ASKING FOR PEOPLE TO BEHAVE ACCORDING TO MY WISHES.

ON...

ON MY BOAT.

WHY...WHY IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND?

CHARLESTON. CHARLESTON!

♪ CHARLESTON! CHARLESTON!

♪ DA DA DA DA DA

♪ TA DA DA DA

EXCUSE ME FOR ONE MOMENT.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, TOM?

OH, YEAH. DAMN ULCER.

IT'LL PASS.

WATCH IT, CHARLIE.

WE'RE DOING THE TRAMP NOW.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DID IT,

BUT I'M PROUD OF YOU.

PROUD OF WHAT?

I'M "OBSERVANT," I'M "INSIGHTFUL,"

BUT I STILL DON'T HAVE A DEAL HERE.

OH, TOM, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I NEED A FIRM DECISION FROM HIM,

OR THIS WHOLE WEEKEND IS WORTHLESS.

LET'S DANCE, GEORGIE-PORGIE.

CERTAINLY.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

I GIVE YOU MARION DAVIES.

THE NEW TRAMP.

W.R.

HELLO, TOM.

I REALLY HAVE TO THANK YOU AGAIN

FOR MAKING THIS BIRTHDAY SO MEMORABLE.

OH, DON'T MENTION IT.

I ALSO WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS

ABOUT MY BUSINESS PROPOSITION.

I REALLY THINK WE'D MAKE A GREAT TEAM.

YES, TOM.

YOU KNOW, PARTNERSHIPS OF ANY KIND

ARE BASED ON 2 THINGS:

TRUST... AND SHARING.

IF YOU HAD INFORMATION TO SHARE WITH ME,

I'D TRUST YOU TO DO SO.

THAT'S WHY I THINK IT BEST

THAT I BRING SOMETHING

TO YOUR ATTENTION.

WHILE YOU'VE BEEN BUSY BEING

SUCH A GRACIOUS HOST,

I'VE BEEN KEEPING AN EYE

ON ANOTHER SITUATION.

THANK YOU, TOM.

I NEEDED TO KNOW.

NOW I'LL... I'LL HANDLE THIS MATTER.

YOU SEE, WHAT I WANT,

IS I WANT MR. HEARST TO LISTEN TO ME,

BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE RUDE.

YOU'LL GET NOWHERE WITH W.R.

BY BEHAVING POLITELY REALLY?

GOOD MANNERS ARE FOR WAITERS AND DOORMEN.

WRITERS AND ARTISTS ARE EXONERATED

FROM SUCH IMPRACTICAL BEHAVIOR.

BEST TO AVERT YOUR EYES, DEAR.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BABY, CHARLIE?

WILLIE WILL TURN THE LITA THING

INTO THE BIGGEST SCANDAL.

THE PRESS KNOW ALREADY.

I MEAN, THERE HASN'T BEEN A SCANDAL YET.

WELL, IT ISA SCANDAL IF YOU DON'T MARRY HER,

OR WORSE, IF YOU RUN OFF WITH SOME GORGEOUS BLONDE.

THEY'LL RIP YOU TO PIECES.

OH, YOU LOOK SO PRETTY WHILE YOU'RE DIGGING MY GRAVE.

OH, STOP IT.

COME IN.

I DID IT.

DID IT?

WE GOT HEARST.

DIDN'T GET HIM JUST YET.

OH, BELIEVE ME.

I'VE TAKEN CARE OF ANY WORRIES

THE OLD MAN MIGHT HAVE.

WELL, I'M GLAD SOMEONE'S WORRIES ON THIS BOAT

HAVE BEEN TAKEN CARE OF.

OH, COME ON.

HONEY, HONEY, I'M FEELING GOOD RIGHT NOW.

DON'T--DON'T SPOIL IT FOR ME, OK?

OH, NO, I WOULDN'T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING.

I'M HAVING THE BEST TIME

PLAYING PING-PONG WITH LOLLY PARSONS

AND HANGING AROUND WITH THOSE MUMMERS

YOU WANT TO SCREW.

WELL, I'M SORRY THAT IN THE MIDDLE

OF TRYING TO SAVE MY PROFESSIONAL LIFE THIS WEEKEND,

I WASN'T ABLE TO GIVE YOUR ACTING CAREER A BOOST.

THIS ISN'T ABOUT MY ACTING CAREER, GODDAMN YOU,

THIS IS ABOUT US!

I--I REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

I WANT OUT.

NOT AGAIN.

NO, NOT AGAIN. THIS IS IT.

YOU KNOW, I'M LIABLE TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY.

REALLY? THAT WOULD BE THE FIRST TIME.

ALL RIGHT.

I CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE IN NO MOOD

TO DISCUSS THIS RATIONALLY, SO...

I'M GOING TO TAKE A LITTLE WALK UP ON DECK

AND LET YOU CALM DOWN.

BUT, IF YOU STILL WANT OUT,

PLEASE HAVE THE DECENCY TO BE DISCREET ABOUT IT.

WHY, I'M THE VERY FLOWER OF DECENCY.

HERE'S YOUR GODDAMN BIRTHDAY PRESENT!

OH, SHUT THE HELL UP!

WE'VE JUST GOT TO SAY THE HELL WITH THE PRESS

AND LITA AND WILLIE

'CAUSE WE BELIEVE IN US.

CHARLIE...

I KNOW, I KNOW. TIME, TIME.

MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAID ROMANTIC LOVE FADES.

MARRY FOR SYMPATHY AND FRIENDSHIP.

BUT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED.

YET.

MM-HMM.

MAYBE MARION'S AWAKE.

AH, SHIT.

I LOVED WILLIE.

OR I STILL LOVE HIM.

YOU'VE GOTTA THINK ABOUT US NOW.

HEY, HAVE FAITH IN ME, OK?

I HAVE FAITH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?

THE GOLD RUSH

STARRING CHARLIE CHAPLIN AND MARION DAVIES.

WHAT?!

I GOTTA REPLACE LITA.

OH. SO I'M YOUR SECOND CHOICE?

YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN MY FIRST CHOICE IF--

IF I HAD SLEPT WITH YOU SOONER.

Both: YEAH.

WE WERE GOOD TODAY.

WELL, I WAS GOOD.

I WAS BETTER.

HEY.

OH, MY GOD.

MARION?

OH, TOM, IT'S YOU.

WHO WERE YOU EXPECTING?

NO ONE. I-- I HAD A CHILL FOR A MOMENT.

CAN I BE FRANK WITH YOU?

IF I'M GONNA BE OVERSEEING YOUR PICTURES...

I NEED FOR US TO COME TO TERMS ABOUT A FEW THINGS.

THINGS THAT ARE... TROUBLING W.R.

LIKE?

LIKE YOU AND, UH...

CHARLIE.

I'D BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT I'VE HAD

MY OWN SHARE OF INDISCRETIONS,

BUT, UH...

BUT I NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH...

IN ORDER TO BALANCE YOUR NEEDS

WITH... WITH THOSE OF W.R.

HE WILL FIND OUT, YOU KNOW.

AND WHEN HE DOES, I'D RATHER BE SOMEONE

WHO CAN HELP YOU.

HOW DO I LOOK? SILLY, RIGHT?

CHARLIE HAD CERTAIN FEELINGS FOR ME.

BUT I'VE CONVINCED HIM

THAT IT'S USELESS TO PURSUE ME.

Marion: HE SAYS HE LOVES ME,

BUT THERE WAS NEVER ANY LOVE.

AT LEAST NOT FROM MY SIDE THERE WASN'T.

I DON'T LOVE HIM. I NEVER HAVE.

SO...THAT'S IT.

Marion: THAT'S REALLY ALL THERE IS.

QUIET! BE QUIET!

OH, MY GOD, WILLIE. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?

YES?

WE'RE IN THE LOWER GALLEY. HURRY.

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

HELLO? JOE, WE'RE IN THE LOWER GALLEY--

WHAT? HURRY. HURRY, PLEASE.

WE'RE IN THE LOWER GALLEY.OH, CHRIST.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

AAH! AAH! AAH!

OH, FOR GOD'S SAKES.

JOE...

SHUT HER UP.

IS HE DEAD?

Dr. Goodman: NO.

SHH.

IT'S OK, LOLLY. IT'S OK.

IS HE DEAD?!

HE'S DEAD!

SHH. IT'S OK.

COME ON. LET'S GET TO YOUR ROOM.

WE'VE GOTTA GET HIM TO SOME REAL FACILITIES.

WHERE IS THE CLOSEST PORT?

CHIEF, WHERE'S THE CLOSEST PORT?

IT MUST BE SAN DIEGO.

COME ON, POPS. LET'S STAND UP.

COME ON.

LET'S GO THIS WAY.

WILLIE?

IT WAS TOM.

WILLIE.

IT WAS TOM.

LOOK AT ME.

HUH, WHAT?

YOU'VE GOTTA BE STRONG HERE.

WHY?

WHY DID YOU SAY...

THERE WAS NEVER ANY LOVE?

THAT WASN'T ABOUT YOU.

WHO, THEN?

CHARLIE.

I WAS TALKING ABOUT CHARLIE.

IS THAT TRUE?

YES.

THAT'S WHO I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

YOU SEE...

YOU ARE MY...

MY...WHOLE WORLD.

IS HE GONNA DIE?

MAYBE.

GOD HELP US.

GOD IS WHO WE WORK FOR, BIG JOE.

GOD'S IN TROUBLE, THEN.

OH, COME ON.

WHO DO YOU THINK GOT COOLIDGE

ELECTED PRESIDENT 2 WEEKS AGO?

THIS IS JUST TOM INCE LYING HERE, RIGHT?

AND WHO'S TOM INCE COMPARED TO--

JUST A GUY,I GUESS.

LESS THAN THAT.

IF, UH, IF WE MOVE HIM,

WHAT ARE HIS CHANCES?

WELL, IT'S HARD TO SAY, W.R.

THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE AN EXIT WOUND.

YOU--YOU MEAN THE BULLET'S IN HIS BRAIN,

AND HE'S STILL ALIVE?

IT'S NOT UNCOMMON.

LINCOLN, FOR EXAMPLE, DIDN'T DIE RIGHT AWAY.

IF THEY KNEW MORE ABOUT BULLETS AND BRAINS,

HE MIGHT'VE SURVIVED.

WE KNOW ANY SURGEONS IN SAN DIEGO?

NOBODY WE CAN TRUST.

I'D RATHER GET A PRIVATE AMBULANCE

DOWN FROM LOS ANGELES

AND TREAT HIM UP THERE.

ALL RIGHT. THEN GET CARS FOR THE OTHERS

2 HOURS LATER. NO SOONER, JOE.

LINCOLN WAS OVERRATED.

LET'S MOVE TOM NOW

SO WE CAN GET HIM OFF THE BOAT FAST.

YOUR CABIN WOULD BE BEST.

ALL RIGHT.

I THINK HE'S TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING.

W.R., WHY DON'T YOU TAKE MARION TO HER CABIN,

AND YOU--YOU GIVE HER THESE, HUH?

HELP HER SLEEP.

YOU CAN HANDLE THAT?

WELL, OF COURSE I CAN HANDLE THAT.

I'M NOT A CHILD.

TOM'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT,

AREN'T YOU, TOM?

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

I THOUGHT I HEARD NOISES.

EVERYTHING'S FINE, GEORGE. SLEEP.

GO TO SLEEP.

I-I'M SORRY.

I--I--I JUST...

POOR TOM.

I FEEL SO...

NO, HE'S GONNA LIVE.

HE'S GONNA LIVE. I KNOW IT.

DR. GOODMAN TOLD ME.

HE SAID THAT ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS, UH--

NO, NO, NO, NO. NEVER MIND THAT.

HERE. HERE, NOW YOU HAVE TO TAKE THESE.

THERE YOU GO.

CAREFUL! I GOT HIM.

YES?

IS SOMEONE THERE?

UH, IT'S JUST DR. GOODMAN.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. OK.

LET'S GET THINGS STARTED.

W.R.?

Hearst: MM-HMM?

JOE. YES, YES, YES.

Dr. Goodman: BE CAREFUL.

JUST LIFT HIM VERY GENTLY.

THAT'S IT.

BE CAREFUL. WATCH HIS HEAD.

Hearst: WHAT THE HELL?

I THOUGHT WE SAID

THE CARS WOULDN'T BE HERE FOR 2 HOURS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING HERE SO SOON.

Hearst: WELL, HE'S NOT ONE OF MINE.

I CALLED CHAPLIN'S DRIVER.

GODDAMN IT, JOE.

HE ALWAYS INSISTS ON HIS OWN MAN.

I DIDN'T WANT TO AROUSE ANY MORE SUSPICION THAN NECESSARY.

Hearst: NO, NO.

NO SUSPICION AT ALL.

Mrs. Ince: HELLO? HELLO?

NEL, W.R. HEARST HERE.

OH, MR. HEARST. HOW ARE YOU?

WELL, I'M FINE, NEL.

I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT.

UNFORTUNATELY, TOM'S HAD AN ACCIDENT.

A BAD ONE.

OH, DEAR GOD. WHAT HAPPENED?

UH, NEL?

YES?

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS

EXCEPT TO START BY SAYING THAT TOM'S

BEEN VERY DEPRESSED ABOUT HIS BUSINESS LATELY,

AND, UH, WELL, I HATE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU.

HE'S BEEN UNFAITHFUL.

OH, LORD. WHAT'S HAPPENED? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

NOW JUST LET ME GET THERE, NEL, WILL YOU?

HE, UH, HE'S TAKEN TO HER VERY STRONGLY,

AND TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE,

SHE TRIED TO END IT.

PLEASE. PLEASE,

TELL ME WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO TOM.

NOW, NEL--

WELL, GOD SAVE HIM, HE SHOT HIMSELF.

TOM? SHOT HIMSELF?

NOW, NEL, HE'S ALIVE,

AND HE'S GETTING THE BEST OF CARE.

OUR DR. GOODMAN IS ESCORTING HIM TO YOUR HOME

BY PRIVATE AMBULANCE.

NEL?

Mrs. Ince: I'M HERE.

UH, GIVE ME THE NAME OF HIS PRIVATE PHYSICIAN.

CAN YOU DO THAT?

Mrs. Ince: YES. DR. GLASGOW.

IRA GLASGOW, BEVERLY HILLS.

Hearst: NOW, THAT'S FINE.

NOW, BY GOD, NEL,

I'M GONNA MAKE SURE

THAT NONE OF THIS GETS IN THE PAPERS.

Mrs. Ince: OH, MY GOD. YOU HAVE TO.

WELL, I JUST SAID I WOULD, NEL.

NOW--NOW, YOU'VE GOT TO REMAIN STRONG

AND SILENT,

AND WAIT FOR DR. GLASGOW.

WE'LL HAVE HIM THERE ANY TIME NOW.

Mrs. Ince: I'LL WAIT FOR THE DOCTOR.

BLESS YOU, MR. HEARST.

YEAH. NO ONE WILL EVER FIND OUT.

I VALUE TOM'S FRIENDSHIP TOO MUCH FOR THAT.

I'M SORRY. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

HIS FRIENDSHIP, NEL!

YES, OF COURSE.

WE'RE--WE'RE TELLING EVERYONE

THAT IT'S HIS STOMACH.

HIS, UH, ULCERS.

HIS ULCERS, YES.

NOW, NEL, I KNOW THIS IS HARD,

BUT I'VE GOT TO HANG UP NOW AND CALL DR. GLASGOW.

YOU JUST SIT AND WAIT.

SIT AND WAIT.

GOOD-BYE, NEL.

TOM. POOR TOM.

GOOD-BYE.

YES?

OH, GOOD MORNING, CHIEF.

YOU SEEM WELL-RESTED.

YES, WELL, WHATEVER DR. GOODMAN GAVE ME

PUT ME RIGHT TO SLEEP, THANK GOODNESS.

I'M SO GLAD.

IT WAS A TRAGIC ACCIDENT, MR. HEARST.

YES, LOLLY.

STILL, THESE THINGS DO HAPPEN, AS THEY SAY.

IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT, REALLY, WHEN YOU CONSIDER ALL SIDES.

WELL, YOU'RE VERY GOOD AT THAT--

CONSIDERING ALL SIDES.

YES, WELL, YOU MEET SO FEW PEOPLE THESE DAYS

THAT ARE CAPABLE OF CONSIDERING ALL SIDES.

IT'S A GODDAMN GIFT.

MR. HEARST, I MUST CONFESS,

AND I KNOW I'VE BEEN A BIT OBVIOUS,

BUT I-- YOU HAVE A SECOND TO TALK?

I HAVE 2 1/2 MINUTES.

GOOD.

WELL, I WAS GONNA BREAK

ONE OF YOUR GOLDEN RULES THIS WEEKEND

BY MIXING BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE.

I WAS GONNA ASK YOU ABOUT EXPANDING MY SYNDICATION

WITH A MORE PROMINENT BYLINE.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING, LOLLY?

I'M SURE WE CAN ARRANGE--

WELL, I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING,

BUT THEN I STARTED THINKING,

AND THE ONLY WAY I CAN HAVE A REAL EFFECT

ON THE READERS

AND THE COMMUNITY THAT I'M COVERING

IS I HAVE TIME.

LOTS OF TIME, W.R.

OH, I AGREE WITH YOU 100%.

I'LL HAVE THE OFFICE DRAW UP AN 8-YEAR CONTRACT.

8 YEARS? W.R., NOW, REALLY,

8 YEARS WON'T DO EITHER OF US ANY GOOD.

WE'RE AT THE POINT IN OUR CAREERS

WHERE WE NEED SECURITY.

SECURITY? SECURITY FROM WHOM?

THE WRONG PEOPLE.

THERE ARE WRONG PEOPLE, YOU KNOW.

I KNOW.

I'M WILLING TO DEVOTE MY LIFE TO HEARST NEWSPAPERS

BUT I NEED TO KNOW HERE AND NOW

THAT YOU'RE WILLING TO GRANT ME THE LIFE I WANT.

YOU GIVE ME MY SECURITY, AND I'LL GIVE YOU YOURS, W.R.,

FOR A LIFETIME.

A LIFETIME CONTRACT?

IS THAT A QUESTION OR ANSWER, W.R.?

I SWEAR I HEARD A SHOT.

OH, SOME PEOPLE WILL SAY ANYTHING TO GET ATTENTION.

I DID.

I HEARD NOISES ALL NIGHT, BUT NOT A GUNSHOT.

COFFEE, SIR?

TRUST ME, FOLKS,

THE ONLY SHOT DIDI WAS CLOSE TO HAD WHISKEY IN IT.

I TOLD YOU, BE QUIET. I KNOW WHAT I HEARD.

George: I HEARD LOTS OF NOISE, TOO.

Margaret: HAVE YOU SEEN TOM?

NO.

Barham: YOU THERE, WHY HAVE WE STOPPED?

AND WHERE ARE WE?

Servant: WE'RE IN SAN DIEGO, SIR,

BUT ACTUALLY I DON'T KNOW THE PLAN.

WE WEREN'T SCHEDULED TO STOP HERE.

OH, I'M AWARE OF THAT.

Elinor: PERHAPS HE'S TAKEN UP SHOOTING FISH.

IT'S JUST ME. IT'S JUST ME.

I LOVE YOU.

IS HE ALL RIGHT?

OH, HE'S GONNA BE FINE.

EVERYTHING IS.

NOW, YOU GO BACK TO SLEEP.

KONO, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO SAN DIEGO?

THEY TOLD ME CHANGE IN PLANS.

WHO TOLD YOU?

MR. HEARST'S OFFICE.

HAS ANYBODY LEFT YET?

JUST THE DOCTOR AND THE INJURED MAN.

INJURED?

THERE WERE BANDAGES ON HIS HEAD.

THERE WAS BLOOD.

WHAT MAN? I DON'T KNOW.

FOR A MINUTE, I THOUGHT HE WAS YOU.

WAS HE-- WAS HE CONSCIOUS?

NOT TO MY EYES.

GODDAMN JAP.

OR W.R. SHOT AN ALBATROSS FOR OUR BREAKFAST.

OH, ELINOR, YOU KNOW IT'S BAD LUCK TO SHOOT AN ALBATROSS.

GOOD MORNING, CHARLIE.

MORNING.

UNFORTUNATELY, I DO HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.

TOM INCE TOOK ILL LAST NIGHT

AND DECIDED TO LEAVE EARLY.

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM?

HE SAID HIS ULCERS WERE ACTING UP.

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE CALL ME?

Hearst: OH, WELL, WE WANTED TO, BUT TOM SAID,

"NO, DON'T BOTHER HIM."

UH, NO, HE'S FINE.

DR. GOODMAN IS TAKING HIM HOME.

WHERE'S MARION AND LOLLY?

AH, WELL, THEY LOOKED AFTER TOM

DURING HIS DIFFICULTIES.

YOU KNOW, LOLLY HAS AN ULCER HERSELF.

THEY WERE UP HALF THE NIGHT. THEY'RE BOTH STILL RESTING.

WHICH, GIVEN THE DELAY,

MEANS THAT WE HAVE TO CUT OUR JOURNEY SHORT

HERE IN SAN DIEGO.

OH, NO. YOU'RE KIDDING.

NOW, DON'T WORRY.

I'VE ALREADY GOT CARS ON THE DOCK FOR EVERYBODY.

Didi: WELL, WE MUST ALL

GO UP AND VISIT THE POOR BIRTHDAY BOY.

Hearst: NOW THAT'S A SPLENDID IDEA.

UH, HOWEVER, THERE IS ONE THING I WANT TO ASK YOU,

AND I CAN'T SAY THIS WITH ENOUGH SERIOUSNESS.

TO OUR EYES, TOM INCE LEFT THIS BOAT

WITH A BOUT OF ANGRY ULCERS,

BUT I CAN'T BEGIN TO IMAGINE

WHAT THE PRESS IS GOING TO MAKE UP.

A WILD BIRTHDAY PARTY, ILLEGAL ALCOHOL, ORGIES.

REPUTATIONS ARE-- ARE SO FRAGILE.

IT'S JUST TERRIBLE.

THEY'LL LINK TOM'S INNOCENT ULCERS

TO EVERY SECRET

EVERY ONE OF US HAVE EVER KEPT

AND DRAG US ALL DOWN.

SO...I'M ASKING YOU TO JOIN ME IN, UM,

IN AN OATH OF SILENCE.

JUST A LITTLE ONE.

YOU WERE ASLEEP. YOU LEFT EARLY.

ANY EXCUSE YOU LIKE.

BUT YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO TOM INCE

ABOARD THIS BOAT.

I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE AN OATH,

ANY OATH.

OH, ME, TOO.

LET'S MAKE IT IN BLOOD.

A LITTLE DRAMATIC, W.R.,

BUT I'D TAKE AN OATH TO THAT.

Barham: OF COURSE. WHY NOT?

Hearst: GOOD. THANK YOU ALL VERY MUCH.

THAT'S ALL I NEED.

MARION?

OH, CHARLIE.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

AH, WELL--WELL, I'M SURE I SPEAK FOR TOM

WHEN I SAY THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING

AND MAKING HIS BIRTHDAY SUCH A MEMORABLE EVENT.

NOW, WHY DON'T WE ALL PACK AND MEET ON DECK IN AN HOUR?

W.R., W.R.

DID ALL THIS HAPPEN

BEFORE OR AFTER I SAW YOU?

SAW ME? WHEN?

LAST NIGHT IN THE CORRIDOR.

YOU DIDN'T SEE ME, TOM.

IT'S GEORGE, AND--

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET IN THAT LIMOUSINE

AND GO HOME.

BUT TOM--HE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE ME.

HE--HE PUT ON YOUR HAT. IT WAS DARK,

AND WILLIE...

JESUS.

OH, EXCUSE ME, MR. HEARST.

ARE YOU SURE TOM'S ALL RIGHT?

OH, HE'S JUST FINE.

I MEAN, EVERYBODY

IS TALKING ABOUT NOISES,

SOUNDS, GUNSHOTS.

NOW--NOW, YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE

TO TELL YOU THIS WEEKEND

YOU'RE REALLY QUITE A FINE ACTRESS.

THANK YOU, BUT IF TOM WASN'T FEELING WELL,

HE WOULD'VE SAID--

NOW PLEASE DON'T WORRY ABOUT TOM.

HE'S GETTING THE BEST OF CARE.

WE NEED TO MEET AT THE STUDIO.

GOD, YOU'RE GOOD.

I SAW THAT PICTURE THAT YOU DID.

YOU PLAYED THE, UM, UH, THE LOVELY YOUNG WOMAN.

WHAT WAS IT CALLED?

OH, I--I CAN'T REMEMBER THE TITLE,

BUT YOU WERE SPLENDID.

UH, WHAT ABOUT NEXT WEEK? FRIDAY? FRIDAY. FRIDAY.

HOW'S THAT?

UH, FRIDAY. UM...

YOU--I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT TOM SPOKE VERY LOVINGLY ABOUT YOU,

AND HE WANTED YOU TO KNOW

THAT HE'S VERY SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

WHY WASN'T I AWAKENED?

AND DIDN'T HE WANT ME TO ACCOMPANY HIM?

ACCOMPANY HIM?

CHILD, YOU'RE HIS MISTRESS.

YOU CAN'T ACCOMPANY HIM HOME

TO GREET HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN.

I'LL SEE YOU FRIDAY.

WHAT ELSE ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

LET'S JUST GET OFF THIS BLOODY BOAT.

YOU HAVE THINGS TO DO.

I JUST BET HE DOES.

OK, W.R., HERE I AM.

EASIER TO HIT THAN A SEAGULL.

YOU LEFT THIS IN HIS ROOM.

HERE'S SOMETHING FOR YOUR SCRAPBOOK, CHARLIE.

I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T GET TOM INCE'S BLOOD ON IT.

YOU TWO ARE THE REASON FOR THAT BLOOD.

Charlie: HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER?

DID I PULL THE TRIGGER?

DID I SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD?

WELL, THAT VERSION OF EVENTS CAN BE ARRANGED, CHARLIE.

I CAN PRODUCE 3 WITNESSES ON THIS BOAT ALONE.

SO, YOU SEE?

IT'S BETTER FOR EVERYONE

IF TOM INCE HAD AN ULCEROUS ATTACK.

HOW ABOUT YOU, MARION? BETTER FOR YOU?

Hearst: ONLY MARION KNOWS WHAT'S BEST FOR HER.

RIGHT. AS LONG AS IT AGREES WITH HER MASTER'S VOICE.

Hearst: OH, NO.

ALL I WANT

IS TO SEE MARION HAPPY.

THAT'S WHAT I'VE DEVOTED MY LIFE TO FOR THE PAST 7 YEARS

AND ALL THE YEARS I'VE GOT LEFT.

CAN YOU PROMISE THAT, CHARLIE?

IF HE CAN, MARION,

AND IF YOU CAN BELIEVE HIM...

THEN GO.

GO.

GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU.

COME ON.

FOR HOW LONG?

FOR NOW. FOREVER. FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT.

FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT.

YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME THAT THIS ATTEMPTED MURDER

HAS REKINDLED YOUR LOVE FOR WILLIE?

JUST LEAVE, CHARLIE.

LEAVE WITH ME.

I LOVE YOU.

OLD GOAT'S REALLY GOT YOU, HASN'T HE?

NO.

I'VE GOT ME.

I AM NOT HERE.

Driver: MA'AM?

Elinor: LIKE OTHERS WITH TINY BULLETS

HIDING IN THEIR SKULLS,

THOMAS INCE HELD ON, UNCONSCIOUS,

FOR 2 DAYS BEFORE DYING IN HIS OWN BED.

THERE WAS PLENTY OF MISINFORMATION

IN THE DAYS FOLLOWING HIS DEATH,

MUCH OF IT COMING

STRAIGHT FROM THE HEARST PRESS MACHINE,

WHICH INEXPLICABLY REPORTED THAT INCE

WAS STRICKEN UNCONSCIOUS

WHILE VISITING HEARST AT HIS UPSTATE RANCH.

3 WEEKS LATER, THE SAN DIEGO DISTRICT ATTORNEY

CONDUCTED AN OBLIGATORY INVESTIGATION

AND WAS "SATISFIED THAT THE DEATH OF THOMAS H. INCE

"WAS CAUSED BY HEART FAILURE

AS A RESULT OF ACUTE INDIGESTION."

HE DID NOT EXAMINE THE BODY

BECAUSE INCE HAD BEEN CREMATED IMMEDIATELY,

AND, EXCEPT FOR DR. GOODMAN,

NO MEMBER OF THE BOATING PARTY

WAS EVER QUESTIONED,

INCLUDING HEARST.

THE SAN DIEGO D.A.

SUGGESTED THAT THE LOS ANGELES OFFICE

CONTINUE THE INVESTIGATION.

THEY POLITELY DECLINED.

Man: CHARLIE! CHARLIE!

CHARLIE! OVER HERE, CHARLIE!

MARION!

HELLO.

CHARLIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU DOPE?

DON'T YOU HAVE A RIDE?

I JUST-- I WANTED TO SEE YOU.

HERE I AM.

HE'S...DEAD, CHARLIE.

I KNOW.

I KNOW.

I'M OFF TO MEXICO IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS.

M-MEXICO?

ANOTHER TRY AT THE OLD MARRIAGE GAME.

HOW BAD COULD IT BE?

OH, CHARLIE.

GET IN.

AND GO WHERE?

I'VE GOT ARRANGEMENTS TO MAKE.

AVOIDING THE PRESS AND THAT KIND OF FUN STUFF.

COME ON. I'M NOT AS PATHETIC AS ALL THAT, AM I?

GOOD-BYE, CHARLIE.

SEND YOU A POSTCARD.

"LOVE AND KISSES FROM ME AND THE MISSIS."

Officer: NOBODY'S GETTING BY HERE.

Man: LOOK OVER HERE! LOOK OVER HERE!

Elinor: TO THIS DAY,

NO 2 ACCOUNTS OF THAT WEEKEND CRUISE ARE THE SAME,

INCLUDING WHO, IN FACT, WAS ON THE BOAT.

THERE ARE NO LOGS, YOU SEE,

NO RECORDS OR PHOTOGRAPHS OF ANY KIND.

AND NOT A SINGLE PERSON INVOLVED

WROTE OR SPOKE ABOUT THAT WEEKEND.

THAT IS, UNTIL SIGNIFICANTLY AFTER THE OLD MAN'S DEATH.

AND EVEN THEN, ONLY IN RIDDLES.

SOON AFTER TOM'S DEATH,

MARGARET LIVINGSTON'S SALARY INEXPLICABLY JUMPED

FROM $300 TO $1,000 A WEEK.

EVENTUALLY, SHE RETIRED TO MANAGE HER HUSBAND--

PAUL WHITEMAN--THE BAND LEADER WHO POPULARIZED THE CHARLESTON.

LOLLY GOT HER LIFETIME CONTRACT.

AND FOR THE NEXT 30 YEARS,

BECAME THE MOST POWERFUL AND FEARED GOSSIP COLUMNIST

IN AMERICA.

3 DAYS AFTER TOM'S FUNERAL,

CHARLIE MARRIED LITA GREY IN MEXICO.

IT LASTED 2 YEARS.

HE DID, HOWEVER, RECAST HER ROLE IN THE GOLD RUSH

AND RESHOOT ALL HER SCENES.

DESPITE COSTING A SMALL FORTUNE,

THE PICTURE WAS A SMASHING SUCCESS.

IT TOOK 3 MORE YEARS FOR W.R. TO LET MARION

DO A FULL-FLEDGED COMEDY.

AS CHARLIE PREDICTED, SHE TRIUMPHED.

SHE RETIRED IN 1937, BUT STAYED BY HEARST'S SIDE

UNTIL HIS DEATH AT THE AGE OF 88.

I'VE HAD A RECURRING DREAM RECENTLY.

I'M BACK ON THE ONEIDA, HAVING A GLORIOUS TIME.

WHOO!

BUT I'M WATCHING HOW RIDICULOUS EVERYONE ELSE LOOKS,

AND I WONDER WHY THEY DON'T REALIZE IT.

THEN I SEE THAT, IN FACT, I, TOO, LOOK LIKE A FOOL.

YET, IT'S SO MUCH FUN

THAT NONE OF US CAN STOP.

IF WE STOPPED...

WE'D HAVE NOTHING.

COME ON, EVERYBODY!

WHOO!COME ON!

WHOO-HOO!

♪ AFTER YOU'VE GONE

♪ AND LEFT ME CRYIN'

♪ AFTER YOU'VE GONE

♪ THERE'S NO DENYIN'

♪ YOU'LL FEEL BLUE

♪ YOU'LL FEEL SAD

♪ YOU'LL MISS THE DEAREST PAL ♪

♪ YOU'VE EVER HAD

♪ THERE'LL COME A TIME

♪ NOW DON'T FORGET IT

♪ THERE'LL COME A TIME

♪ WHEN YOU REGRET IT

♪ SOMEDAY

♪ WHEN YOU GROW LONELY

♪ YOUR HEART WILL BREAK LIKE MINE ♪

♪ AND YOU'LL WANT ME ONLY

♪ AFTER YOU'VE GONE

♪ AFTER YOU'VE GONE AWAY

♪ AFTER YOU'VE GONE

♪ AND LEFT ME CRYIN'

♪ AFTER YOU'VE GONE

♪ THERE'S NO DENYIN'

♪ YOU'LL FEEL BLUE

♪ YOU'LL FEEL SAD

♪ YOU'LL MISS THE DEAREST PAL ♪

♪ YOU'VE EVER HAD

♪ THERE'LL COME A TIME

♪ NOW DON'T FORGET IT

♪ THERE'LL COME A TIME

♪ WHEN YOU REGRET IT

♪ SOMEDAY

♪ WHEN YOU GROW LONELY

♪ YOUR HEART WILL BREAK LIKE MINE ♪

♪ AND YOU'LL LOVE ME ONLY

♪ AFTER YOU'VE GONE

♪ AFTER YOU'VE GONE AWAY

♪ CALIFORNIA, HERE I COME

♪ RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED FROM ♪

♪ WHERE BOWERS OF FLOWERS BLOOM IN THE SPRING ♪

♪ EACH MORNING AT DAWNING ♪

♪ BIRDIES SING AND EVERYTHING ♪

♪ A SUN-KISSED MISS SAID DON'T BE LATE ♪

♪ THAT'S WHY I CAN HARDLY WAIT ♪

♪ OPEN UP THAT GOLDEN GATE

♪ CALIFORNIA, HERE I COME ♪

♪ CALIFORNIA

♪ HERE I COME

YEAH!

♪ RIGHT BACK WHERE

♪ I STARTED FROM

♪ WHERE BOWERS OF FLOWERS

♪ BLOOM IN THE SPRING

♪ EACH MORNING AT DAWNING

♪ BIRDIES SING AND EVERYTHING ♪

♪ A SUN-KISSED MISS SAID DON'T BE LATE ♪

♪ OHH!

♪ THAT'S WHY I CAN HARDLY WAIT ♪

COME ON! COME ON!

♪ OPEN UP, OPEN UP, OPEN UP ♪

♪ THAT GOLDEN GATE

♪ CALIFORNIA

♪ HERE I

♪ COME

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