Original subtitles

Fun day?

Yeah. Did you ever really get it? I mean, all the way?

I think it's since 13.

Did it really feel super bomb?

I've never felt anything so super fantastic in my whole life.

Wow. It kind of hurt, but it kind of felt good. You know what I mean?

I know that I died and went to heaven.

I'm not going to be the only virgin in this crowd.

If only all my precious plans did come true.

If you would let me spend my whole life loving you, life could be a dream,

sweetheart.

Now every time I look at you, something is on my

mind.

If you do what I want you to, baby, we'd be so fine.

Oh, life could be a dream.

If I could take you up in paradise up above If you would tell me I'm the only

one that you love Life could be a dream, sweetheart

oh every

time

If you would let me spend my whole life loving you Life could be a dream,

sweetheart

basic physical, shall we say, purely animalistic aspects of procreation. We

must now divert our attention to the philosophy of sex as it pertains to

young ladies such as yourself.

Quiet down.

Finding yourselves adrift, as it were, in a highly permissive society, plagued

with temptations of the flesh, so to speak.

Unsure. Quiet down.

Uncertain.

Perplexed. Not knowing what to do.

because of the guilt of self-gratification.

Perhaps the penultimate guilt of a fait accompli, which a dictionary defines as

an action, an act, the flowered.

Virtue, ladies, is our wealth, and it must be preserved intact.

Any questions?

Yes?

What's all that got to do with just plain old getting laid?

You check my nerves and you rattle my brain.

Too much love drives a man insane.

You broke my will.

What was it?

never tell. Oh yeah, because that's because there isn't anything to tell. Do

you want to bet? Yeah. Debbie, who went?

Which one, Deb?

Well, I don't know about you horny old jack freaks, but I'm gonna get myself a

jug of 86 proof joy juice and have myself a lost weekend.

So you guys, what are we gonna do?

with my dad got enough booms to float a battleship.

don't please hold your heart and let me squeeze

It's all right.

Wind, rain, sleet, or snow, Manager's gonna get you wherever you go. Here you

go.

You know, when they're not acting.

Sometimes.

I almost did.

Oh, yeah, sure. You and Rock Hudson. Tell us about it.

She could have. Her dad works for the studio, you know.

I don't believe that.

What happened, Jo?

He kissed me.

Rock Hudson kissed you?

Bet you. Oh, sure he did. I bet you he even copped a field trip.

A little bit.

right up there on screen. First time I ever did it.

Hey, you guys.

I have a super neat idea.

What about if we all tell about the first time we ever did it? Yeah, you go

first, Bonnie.

Yeah, but who's gonna be next?

Why don't we draw matches?

I've got some.

I think that's a dumb idea.

This is going to be really fun.

Makes me dribble just to think about the first time I ever did it.

Yeah, well, it must have been with a snake.

Oh, it was a snake, all right.

All right, you guys.

Longest one goes first, and the next longest after that.

Longest what?

That's your first roll in the hay.

Oh, the movie music reminded me.

It was, uh, summer before last.

I'd gone back east to visit my kinfolks, especially my cousin Cal.

I always had a kind of crush on him.

He was just as good looking as they come.

Why, he had more women chasing after him than a movie star.

Anyway, he took me way back up into the mountains one day.

that he had a big surprise.

Oh, it's okay. He's a friend.

What's that? You want to hide her out? No, you're starting challenges.

I guess you were right.

Close my eyes.

I told you, Bonnie Mae, that this is a surprise.

Well, okay.

There she is.

What is it?

What is it?

Come here.

This here is probably one of the finest 110 proof hard liquor moonshine stills.

In the entire state of Alabama.

And it's all mine, lady.

I don't see no bottles.

You don't need no bottles, boy.

Come here.

I got another tank under there full of 30 gallon spoons, child.

Who bought Corporation?

Disky Cam.

Solid lifters, C&T stroker kit, balanced crankshaft, B&M

stick hydro.

The real liquor-luckin' beauty, baby.

Talkin' about beauty, you sure turned out to be one, Bonnie Mae.

Last time I seen you, you wasn't hardly worth messin' with.

And now?

Now?

Now you're a real woman.

Not yet.

Not all the way.

You mean... You're still a... You never been?

There ain't nothing better than the first time, Bonnie Mae.

Especially when it's with someone what's got experience.

A whole lot of it.

Like who, Cap?

Like...

The hell is this?

Thank you.

That's where it must be.

Oh, please do not kiss me.

Oh, please do not kiss.

Oh, please do not.

Oh, please do.

You don't have to worry, no.

I thought we were done for.

Exciting, weren't it?

Scary.

What are you gonna do now?

I'm gonna find me another hauler and build her up again.

Thank you.

You were really super bitchin'.

time i seen you my heart started to palpitate like leaves in a tree in the

midst of a haystorm i just it just poured out of me that feeling my heart

had when the first time i did it and that was grandma sitting on you know

that okay and i'm getting that same feeling just rushing all over my body

it's like honey rolling over a log after bees have stirred it all up

I've got to just be the one.

You really think it's okay?

Yeah, Ken.

I'm going to be the one that makes you a real woman.

Okay, yeah.

Come on, Bonnie.

Folks,

we got what you call your technical difficulties. with this here picture

tormenting Tahiti.

The damn projector chewed hell out of it. So we're gonna play a tune for y'all

until we run some coming attractions.

Then we'll show you that new Doris Day and Rock Hudson picture for your viewing

enjoyment. Have fun, y'all.

Did it really feel super, Bon?

Never felt so good in my whole life.

Did you really come?

About a dozen times, I guess. So did he.

Did you scream?

Yeah, but every time I did, he kissed me.

A dozen times, that is not real.

Well, it seemed like that many.

I know guys who can come about every ten minutes.

They say they can.

Didn't it hurt?

Oh, a little bit, but just at first.

I bet he was really hung, eh, bud?

Gigantic.

Yeah, I'll bet.

How come all the sour grapes, Smitty?

Yeah, why?

Because there isn't a guy in the whole world who can come a dozen times during

one movie.

Did you love him, Bonnie?

Right there and then, I sure did.

Did you ever see him again?

No, they finally caught him. He's doing time in Huntsville right now.

Okay, who's next?

Okay, let's hear it, Angie. You're next.

Well, my first time was super fetched.

Not as exciting as Bonnie's.

Betcha.

So, uh, when did it happen?

My last birthday.

Oh, at 13?

16, smartass.

Shut up, Snitty.

You mean after the party?

Yeah. You guys had all left. And my folks had some friends over. Had a party

of their own.

Come on, let's watch Presley on The Sullivan Show.

Hey, give me back my hula hoop.

I couldn't wait to read that book you gave me.

I was up in my room about halfway through it. Really gets you hot, huh,

Aunt? I couldn't stand it.

So then what happened, Angie?

Well, there I was, reading with my nightie on.

The door was just a little open.

Every once in a while, someone would pass on their way to the john.

Second door on the right. Oh, thanks.

Hey.

Feel that tremor?

What tremor?

Just kidding.

How are you?

Fine, how are you? Oh, I'm fine.

What you reading there?

Lolita. Very good.

How do you like it?

Oh, really? Super neat.

Controversial. Come on in.

Got a thingy?

Yeah, but... But what?

Actually, I don't have to wear those things. It's just a question of seeing.

Aren't you kind of young to be smoking?

I'm 16.

Why don't you give it to me? What about your parents?

They know I smoke.

Besides, I couldn't care less.

All right.

Thanks a bunch.

Gee, you've got nice hands.

Well, I do a lot of work around the yard.

You know my folks' laws? Well, your mother and I used to go to the same

school. Uh-huh.

You and Mom, eh? Yeah.

Did you go together?

Uh-huh.

Just David? Yeah, a couple of times.

In high school?

College.

Harold Perkins.

Do they call you Harry?

No, just Harold.

What do you do?

I'm a teacher.

Are you married?

No. You like girls?

Shucks, yes.

Young girls or older girls?

That depends on the girls.

Guess I better be getting back to the party.

Oh, Harold.

You don't mind if I call you Harold?

Not at all. You can call me Angie.

All right, Angie.

Nice meeting you.

How come this book is banned, Harold?

It doesn't have any dirty words in it.

It's the idea that's banned.

Idea? Yeah.

What idea?

The idea of an older man and a younger girl.

Making it?

Yeah, that's the idea.

I think it's terrifically exciting.

I mean, if young girls are hot for older men, and older men are hot for young

girls.

Oh, and they are, aren't they, Harold?

Generally speaking, I think you could safely say yes to that question.

So what's the big deal?

Well, there are philosophical implications involved.

What's so philosophical about making love?

Hey, you want another drink?

A drink?

Yeah. I got my own stash. Just a sec.

Are you still going to take a leak?

Oh, yeah, sort of.

Come on in. You can use mine.

It's okay.

Listen, why don't I use the room down the hall?

I said it's okay, Harold.

What happened, Angie?

You have to tell everything.

You've got to finish ideas.

Maybe there isn't anything to finish.

Come on, Ange. What happened?

I got caught.

Your dad?

Oh, my God.

I've never felt anything so super fantastic in my whole life.

Yeah. I know how it is, kid.

It was so good.

I know, honey.

Oh, Harold.

All I want to do is screw you forever.

You're so wonderful.

That's right, baby.

My first time, Harold.

Thank God it was you.

You looked up, pal.

I'll never forget it as long as I live.

Yes, sir, Mr. Willis, and good night to you, and I want to thank you for a

wonderful evening.

Angie? My dad used to spank me. It kind of hurt, but it kind of felt good. You

know what I mean?

Violence gets me hotter than a pistol.

Anything gets you hot.

Well, especially violence.

Oh. I mean, even the thought of it makes me feel kind of weird.

You're next, Debbie.

Yeah, Teen Queen. Let's hear all about your first ride on the...

Whatcha do?

Get laid by a gorilla with an abscessed tooth?

No, my dear, that is more your feed horse!

Shaboom, shaboom.

Shaboom,

shaboom.

Hey there, all you gals and geeks, guys and freaks. This is Bob and Bobby Blue

on KLAP Radio.

We're wheelin' and dealin', playin' those stacks of wax designed with you in

mind. Our next number is dedicated by Shirley to her very special friends

Donnie, Ralphie, Vinnie, Salvatore, and Mungo.

Shirley, slow down, baby. You're gonna kill yourself.

That was the crew cut singing Shaboom.

Here is Summer Love.

Now, let me go through this just one more time, okay?

That's two deluxe jumbo Jerry's. One with the works and one with ketchup and

a little lettuce.

One specialty Jerry with cheese.

I'm coming!

Two chili dogs, one with dill. I mean, two dilly dogs, one with chili.

A double jumbo.

Well done with mustard.

Hold the ketchup.

Three giant cherry colas, one with lime, and one small root beer. Three, no, four

cherries, no ice.

Hold the onions with lots of, no, sauerkraut.

One iced tea, no coke.

I'm coming.

That's one iced tea, no cokes, one dilly salt dog, no lettuce.

Hold the water.

Uh, could I change mine to a Jerry Dog?

With relish.

Hey, could you change mine to a Jerry Dog with a little mustard and hold the

onion? So that's, uh... Oh, could I please have some french fries, okay?

Class, get your buns in here.

I mean, a dilly jumbo.

I wouldn't blame her if she came back here with all that food and...

Dumped it on our heads.

This is Bob and Bobby Blue on KLAB Radio.

Hope all you girlfriends and boyfriends are having a great time out there

tonight. Did I tell you about my girlfriend?

She's great in the kitchen. She can't make an apple pie, but she can sure make

my banana cream.

Hey girls, what's going on?

The first time, remember?

Debbie, then Smitty, then Joanne, then me.

Okay, Mighty Mouth, lay it on us.

You guys remember Bud Hanson?

Your name is Debbie, right?

Uh-huh.

I'm Buddy Hanson. I know.

It was last summer.

I had my eye on you for quite a while.

Golly, I had no idea. I was waiting for a bus.

How's about we goof around together?

Oh, jeez, but that'd be swell.

Then he picked me up in his super tough Bert.

Wow.

That was... You sure got a bitchin' car.

Thank you.

You're pretty neat yourself.

Me?

Yes.

Hey, wait a minute.

He only went around with college girls. Come on, Debbie.

How about we bomb out to Hanson Dam and

have a picnic or something?

I'd love to.

Okay. We're on our way.

Yes, sir. The action getting more and more hectic in this fourth game of the

57 series here at Yankee Stadium.

Richard Sanders.

We've all noticed that Burdette's been a little shaky, but so far he's set the

Yankees down without a run in the first three innings.

And though Whitey Ford's been throwing bullets, he got stung by a home run off

the bat of Henry Aaron in the first.

Listen,

that is no way to talk in front of a lady. A lady?

I don't see no lady. I see a bitch. A real...

trigger and call it a rock oh yeah you the man we ever see your ass again we

gonna waste you come on he wants me she really wants me

I used to watch you all the time. You always went out. You always went out

with all the older girls.

I used to hope and dream someday I could be with you.

But now I'm, um, well, it's like, gee,

I've never really, I

mean, I know you make me feel so wonderful.

you feel wonderful too.

And I really, really think it's great to be with you, really.

To the sea, the sea of love I will

tell you how much I love you

Do you

remember when we met?

That's the day I knew you for my pet

Just like in the movie, and I know which one.

Deb was Deborah Carr, and Bud was Burt Lancaster, and the bike briefs were the

Japs, and the movie was From Here to Eternity, right? Wrong.

Don't you know the truth when you hear it?

Also, you are a very, very big creep.

Creep. Yes.

All right, that was Phil Phillips in The Sea of Love.

Where's the other girl? She got fired, honey.

Couldn't handle the job, huh?

Not exactly. She poured a vanilla milkshake on a guy's head and then she

told him to go fuck himself.

And now, look, if you guys want anything else, you just blink your lights, okay?

bomb shelter make out?

You could start in the race. It's fast, Martha.

Hello?

Hey.

How's it going?

You're kidding.

First game?

Oh, no.

Really got clean, huh?

Oh.

Smitty and Joanne and Debbie and Bonnie and Angela and me.

I'm talking.

Just talking.

Huh?

Well, where are you guys now?

Oh.

Hmm. Why not?

Okay.

But you gotta promise me one thing, though.

It's really important.

You guys chicken out and you'll really be sorry.

Bye.

chicken out on you it was uh last summer when i got that stable job horses

are really nice nicer than most people i know and someday i'm gonna have one of

my very own anyhow there was um me and hank and her

brother david and we spent the whole summer together david was a really

beautiful boy and we were very much in love

See, it was his first time, too.

I could hardly breathe the way he looked at me.

And I just wanted him.

I wanted him. I wanted him really much. And I wanted him to hold me and to touch

me.

He was just so beautiful and perfect.

You met Princess?

No.

Hello, Princess.

Hi, baby.

Oh, she's pretty.

You like my brother, David?

Sure.

Wouldn't you meet David?

Yeah.

I love that sound.

Hey, it's getting very cold.

Let's go in the barn. I think it's going to rain, too.

Yeah, let's do go in the barn. Go in the barn and get all comfortable and warm.

Come on, sweetie. Sure, sure.

I thought that I died and went to heaven, you know?

Car 54. Car 54.

Burglary. Investigate 52 Wood Lane Road. That is all. What's wrong? What's wrong?

Imagine.

Wait.

Hey, you guys, I have a really good idea. Why don't you come into the house

and, you know what I mean?

Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, come on, Pop, don't you think you're too old for that stuff?

Oh, no, I'm a Pisces, and I'm due to have a rising soon.

I still don't believe it. Did you believe the look on his face when we

pushed him in the pool? Sure. Panic City.

I think after tonight he'll go into some other line of work.

Okay, movie star, it's your turn.

Lights, camera, action. Let's hear all the bloody details.

You guys will never believe it. Why not?

Because it's so unreal.

So unbelievably unreal.

You did make it with James Dean, did you not?

No, but boy, if I was a liar, the stories I could tell.

Well, why don't you just tell us the truth, okay?

Was it with a real movie star?

Sure was.

Yeah, sure, sure. Tell us about it.

Who was it, Jo?

Which one?

Rex Parker.

Wow. Gee.

You gotta be kidding.

Cross my heart. Cross my heart.

I love you only.

First time I was ever in a movie, too.

But he's not a real movie star. He's not like Burt Lancaster or Rock Hudson.

He just does those Cornball He-Man pictures.

He is too a real movie star. Why didn't he see Vengeance in Bora Bora, Drunk in

the South Pacific, or Pollination Love Song?

Yeah. What movie was it in?

Torment and Tide.

Hey, wait a sec. I saw that picture about three times, but I never saw you

in it. Me neither.

So let's hear about it.

Well, like I said, it was my very first role in a movie.

And lots of girls were up for it, just gags.

And all of us had to be interviewed by Rex Parker himself.

You can imagine how nervous I was.

It's me.

Who is you?

Joanne. Joanne who?

Joanne Starling.

No.

Darling. Come on in.

Hi there.

Hi.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Well, what can I do for you?

Well, Mr. Berman, he said that I was perfect for the part.

Well, of course, if it's okay with you, Mr. Parker.

Rex, okay?

Rex, sir.

Just call me plain Rex.

You know, Tom is an excellent director.

One of the finest in Hollywood.

I have the utmost faith in his judgment.

Well, does that mean that I got the part?

Almost, almost.

Almost. You see, the young girl in the script is most crucial to the

announcement.

It's the most exciting, heart-throbbing, explosive, gripping sequence in the

entire history of the cinema.

You're most attractive.

Am I?

Ravishing.

You should be in pictures.

Oh, I hope so.

Only there's one thing I'm concerned about.

What's that?

Well, do you... do you believe... I mean, do you...

Truly believe in the method.

Method? Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, all the excitement of

Hollywood, all the fantasy, all the... Quiet on the set.

I gotta tell you, Sammy, about last night.

You haven't read the script?

Uh-uh.

Then you don't know what this poor girl has been through.

Well, just that a bunch of natives want to eat her for dinner.

And that you rescue her.

The casting guy sends over a broad to the office, right?

This chick is so incredible.

Sir?

Not now.

I'm trying to make a picture. This chick is so groovy. Sir? She had, like,

arthritis.

Not now, please.

These... Poor cannibals. They had never seen a single solitary woman in

over five years.

Golly. Have you any idea what went through their poor, craved minds

when they saw this most beautiful, naked, voluptuous body just

plucked from the sea?

Sort of.

So, uh, anyway, we went to dinner, and after we came back, she says, you want

to go to your place or mine? I says, I don't care, whichever one is closer, you

know what I'm saying?

Well, uh, she gets into the... Mr.

Berman. That's not now.

But... Mr.

Berman.

Oh, Lee.

Lunch.

You've got the box.

No sweat, Mr. Parker.

The wire is mounted securely.

Can we make it?

All set.

Tom, talk to me, sweetheart.

Can't we have a rehearsal?

We're going to rehearse on film, baby.

Uh, the budget's tight. It's fly time USA.

Okay.

Quiet on the set, please.

Roll it.

And action.

Run the cue track.

Okay, let's make a picture.

Uber, chaka, Uber, chaka, Uber.

The grungy twerp that told.

Not me.

Well, don't look at me.

Well, if we didn't count, who did?

I did.

You? Oh, I don't believe it.

How come, Cher?

Yeah, who are they?

Larry and the guys.

They're in San Diego.

No, they're not.

They lost their first game, and that was Larry who phoned.

Well, why didn't you tell us?

Come, Cher.

You guys have all had a first time, and I haven't yet.

I just couldn't lie about it, so I made a deal with the guys, and I told them

that they could come over only if they'd do it to me.

All of them.

I'm not going to be the only virgin in this crowd, you guys, so first time,

here I come.

Nah, I don't believe you. Me neither. Not till I see it.

Oh,

you're not going to do it.

It's just a joke.

Yeah, I bet they'd chicken out just like that big mouth movie star.

I mean... You mean he did?

Then you're still a...

She's gonna do it. She's really gonna do it.

Well, didn't you?

The truth, Angie.

It almost happened.

It was all a big fat lie, huh?

Only the ending will be the most important part.

Okay, you guys, fess up.

Did you or didn't you?

Okay, okay, so I guess we all exaggerated.

Big deal, didn't you?

Um, yeah.

I guess I did.

99 and 44, 100% pure corn-fed bullshit.

Just the way they ended it. Bullshit.

And all because of us.

Poor little Sherry got those guys to come over here to... We have to go stop

her. We have to go tell her the truth.

Big Papa speaking.

Oh, you sweet pie.

Do I want?

Will I want?

Oh, baby, you know what I like.

Chantilly lace and a pretty face and a phony tail hanging down.

Wiggle in the walk and a giggle in the talk.

Act so funny, make me spend my money, make me feel real loose, like a long

necked goose, like a girl.

Oh, baby, that's the one I like.

What's that, honey?

Pick you up at eight.

It's going to be late.

But, baby, I ain't got no money, honey.

Oh,

all right, honey, you know what I like.

Chantilly lace and a pretty face and a pony tail hanging down.

Wiggle in the walk and a giggle in the talk.

Make the world go round. There ain't nothing in the world. Like a big-eyed

girl that make me act so funny. Make me spend my money. Make me feel real loose.

Like a long-necked goose. Like a girl... Oh, baby, that's the one I like.

What's that, baby?

But... But... But...