Original subtitles

Last week, as you recall, we left Will and the robot working with Dr.

Smith on his rain-making device, unaware that they were soon

to be shanghaied on an incredible voyage through outer space.

Ready on the left.

Ready on the right.

Ready on the firing line.

Oh, no.

I think it's headed for the Jupiter.

Ridiculous.

Will Robinson is correct.

Your calculations are snafu, Dr. Smith.

Oh, dear.

I'm going to hit the ship.

Everybody, climb those rocks, quick.

Well, it missed the ship, but I don't know how.

A little bit of luck.

Smells as though someone just blew out 10,000 candles.

I think it smells like the Fourth of July.

Well, if you ask me, it smells like Smith.

And I think it smells like the Fourth of July.

We better start repairing this.

Come on, Penny, we'll get the tool kit.

Okay.

You know, until we make a new set of instruments, we're gonna have to rely on

our senses to tell what kind of weather's blowing on the wind.

Here's a piece of the casing that contained the charge.

Hydrochloric acid.

Phosphorus.

And Nitroglycerin.

Well, aren't those some of the chemicals that we have in our lab?

Had, Maureen.

Will!

Did anything happen?

Oh, I see that it did.

Well, that's the end of Dr. Smith's rain-making experiment.

And the end of Dr. Smith.

Where is he?

Back there.

He asked me to come here and ask you if it was raining before he came.

Well, as you can see, it has been raining.

It's been raining flack.

Well, it's a miracle none of us were hit.

Or the ship.

Now, you go back and tell Dr. Smith that I want to see him right now.

Yes, sir.

But I don't think he'll come.

All right, then.

He can stay out there till it really rains.

And then some.

Oh, then I will.

Don't worry about Dr. Smith.

Ha!

I failed to drop that time.

It's wet.

Experiment concluded and successful.

The wetness on the palm of your hand, Dr. Smith, is cold sweat, usually produced by fear.

Indeed.

And what have I to fear, you nattering ninny?

Do you wish me to draw you a diagram?

As a little old rainmaker, Dr. Smith, you have a lot to learn.

Spare me your fear.

I will attempt at humor.

Where is that boy?

Why hasn't he come?

The reason is obvious.

The best laid plans of Myson.

I will try to convince the heavens to release a bit of rain.

Surely they'll understand that.

Do you want to bet?

Certainly not.

Betting is vulgar.

What's that?

I just saw a shadow on those rocks.

Good heavens.

Some poor unfortunate obviously made an involuntary landing, wouldn't you say?

Affirmative.

On missile.

What extraordinary creatures.

Poor devil.

Sucked into space when the hull split apart, probably.

A reasonable deduction, but not entirely true.

Is it possible it could be made to fly?

Possible, but highly improbable.

You are planning a getaway, Dr Smith?

We shall see.

Yes, indeed we shall.

As for you, sir, mind your manners if you intend to keep your friends.

This will bear a little looking into, I think.

Hold your tongue and come along.

Fugitives or castaways, by the look of them.

Planning a getaway, are you?

Well, Admiral Zark is not averse to helping those who can help him.

If I can make mariners out on them...

You haven't seen the last of Admiral Zark, Mr...

No?

No?

Not by a long shot.

Won't someone say something to me?

Even a friendly smile would be enough.

Judy?

Oh, sadness, oh sorrow, we were such good chums.

Major, I give you permission to talk to me as harshly as you like.

Insult me, please, Major.

Oh, dear, not even a single venomous word.

In that case, I have no choice but to remove myself at the earliest possible moment from this torment of ostracism.

By a fortunate happenstance, I have discovered a vehicle which, with a few

minor repairs, will take me into a silence that is far, far better than the silence of friends.

I shall take with me only those few necessaries which will enable me to survive until my untimely end.

With your permission, I should like to borrow a repair kit.

Thank you.

Is that it?

Yes, dear girl.

I do.

Oh, now, do you suppose that he really... No, I just don't know.

Listen, I'm not saying anything about it.

One at a time, one at a time.

Well, I don't know, he may really mean it, especially if he's found the vehicle.

Well, I think he was just saying that to make us feel sorry for him.

As a matter of fact, I did feel sorry for him.

I don't feel a bit sorry for him.

Oh, poor Dr. Smith.

Poor Dr. Smith?

Oh, poor Dr. Smith.

Say, why don't we throw him a party just to show him how happy we are that he blew up our weather station?

Now, look, I don't care whether he's telling the truth or not about finding that vehicle.

And one thing's certain, he's incapable of repairing it.

So whatever scheme he's got up his sleeve to get off the hook, just remember this.

Until further notice, Dr. Smith is off limits.

My sentiments exactly.

What are you doing?

What I'm trying to do is ruin everything, you lame-brained lump.

I wish to correct your omissions, Dr. Smith.

Without proper caulking, adequate pressure within the ship cannot be maintained.

You could not survive in the vacuum of space.

Simple Simon, don't you realize that this pitiful rattletrap of a vehicle will

convince the Robinsons that they will be responsible for my death if they let me go?

As humanitarians, they will at once regret the cruel and unusual punishment that

they've bestowed upon me and restore me at once to my rightful place in their midst.

Oh, dear, now I really must rest.

My back is extremely delicate.

You, sir, will come along and give me adequate warning when the Robinsons'

curiosity induces them to come and see me at work.

There.

Oh, dear, rest, rest, rest, rest.

What a foul Weaver of cowardly conspiracy that fellow is.

He and Kidnaw are two of a kind.

Scheming for rascals.

If I didn't need his help, I'd have him flogged for this.

Scamping his work like a galley scullion.

Oh, well.

Hardly fitting work for an admiral.

But needs must when the devil drives.

Warning!

Warning!

Danger!

Warning!

Danger!

Warning!

Warning!

Well, you stop the clatter, you bubble-headed booby.

A person is approaching.

That's better.

What kind of a person?

Diminutive.

Active.

Imaginative.

Inquisitive.

Except for the diminutive part, sounds exactly like me.

Well, I suppose we best get back to the alien ship.

Is he coming this way?

He will be here directly.

Good.

It will give me a chance to convince him.

What you are doing is not honest, Dr. Smith.

Spare me the accurate appraisals, dunderhead.

Robot, there really is a spaceship.

Looks like it's a pretty good one, too.

In a manner of speaking, you are correct, Will Robinson.

Have you no greeting for me, dear boy?

Well, tell Dr. Smith I'm sorry, but he's still off limits.

That is, he's ostra... ostra...

Ostracized.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, tell Dr. Smith not to worry, because I don't think that the... the silent treatment will last too long.

But I have my pride, you know.

I cannot allow myself to be treated like a pariah.

I made the only choice that was open to me.

Did you hear that, Will Robinson?

Uh-huh.

Then I do not have to repeat that either.

Hmm.

I see you've been working on a spaceship.

Tell Dr. Smith he did a real good caulking job on the hatch.

Thank the young man.

Thank you.

The hatch?

Who is responsible for this?

Do not look at me.

Tell Dr. Smith that I'm sorry that he has to go, but I understand how he feels about

being off limits and everything, and tell him that if I can help in any way.

...

Oh, he can.

He really can.

I would like a spare astral compass and some food, a few pressure patches and some

extra food, a little fuel and whatever small delicacies in the way of food that he can spare.

Tell Dr. Smith I'll do the best I can, and then I'll see him later.

Thank the young man.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

They'll never let me go once he tells them how ill-prepared I am for such a fight.

And don't you dare to ask me if I want a bet on that.

No one would take a bet on such skullduggery, Dr. Smith.

Silence, you presumptuous pipsqueaker.

I agree with you, laddie.

An excellent caulking job.

Admiral Zach's hand has not lost its count.

All his spirit, its determination.

Cast me adrift to perish in space, would you, Mr. Kidno?

Well, you're wrong.

You're wrong, you mutinous dog.

Dr. Smith?

Come.

Along, boy, come along.

Don't talk.

Where.

Are we going?

South, boy.

Sir.

Yes, sir, but... Aye, aye, sir.

Aye, aye, sir, but where are we going?

Stand by for cast off.

As quartermaster pro tem, boy, your duty is to obey orders, not ask questions.

Sir, I just want to know where we're going, because wherever it is, I don't want to go.

I live here with my family, and you had no right to drag me aboard.

Sir, boy, sir.

When you address an admiral of the imperial Cassiopeian family, I'll relay a

signal to your grandfather informing him that you are now under the protection of Admiral Zach.

You'll be well taken care of, boy.

If you mean Dr Smith, he's not my grandfather, and I don't want anybody taking care of me except my own family, sir.

Listen, boy, he who ships with Admiral Zach ships to glory.

Your family will be proud of you.

They'd rather have me with them.

By order of Admiral Zach, for the good of the fleet, for the honor of your family,

you are now articled as a volunteer.

Stand by for takeoff.

Admiral, listen.

You've got to listen to me.

Bend your helm, mister.

Oh, attend to your helm, mister.

Stand by.

Blast away.

Nothing makes a man more proud of his profession than a splendid flight.

A splendid liftoff.

You'll get your space legs in just a few moments, laddie.

Ah, there's Cepheus on the starboard bow.

Here, take a look.

Good old Cepheus.

Send a flare of friendship up to him, quartermaster.

I think we're still on the ground, sir.

Are you presuming to question my navigation on my bridge, quartermaster?

I'm afraid I am, sir.

What?

Oh, damnable incompetence, Blodix.

I could have staked my life.

Ah, here's the trouble.

Crossed power line.

Stand by for takeoff.

Blast away!

Blast away!

Drat!

We seem to have sustained some minor damage, quartermaster.

Oh, our chronometer seems to have suffered, too.

Ah, there she goes.

Nell Desperandum.

It'll all be repaired, lad, after I've dined.

Attend to table, boy.

Aye, aye, sir.

Did it again.

Excellent roast.

Done to a ton.

Had some experience in the galley, have you?

That roast was cooked by my mother, sir.

And it wasn't really intended for you.

It was meant for Dr. Smith.

Bah!

Do you happen to know where he is, sir?

Carousing.

In some infamous grog shop, no doubt.

More wine.

Oh, boy.

We'll attend to the damage presently.

Duty can wait on an excellent repast, eh?

Duty.

It's a word that swines the...

Seems to have forgotten.

But I'll make him remember it.

That I will.

There'll be no quarter for Mr. Kidno when I catch up with him.

And when he learns what punishment I've devised, his eyes will start from their sockets in mortal terror.

Mr. Kidno!

Take that!

And that!

And that!

And that!

And that!

Who said that?

Is everything all right?

Yes.

I put him to bed and told him to save his wild stories for the morning.

Let's see now.

An alien spaceship, a rough, tough admiral who shanghies children, a Dr.

Smith who can't be found, let alone a robot.

It's wild enough to be believable.

Say, where did Will say he found that ship?

Over in the Rock Canyon area, I believe.

Well, we could see the rocks with a scope, but, uh, well, anything below that, no.

Something tells me you're planning to investigate.

Well, only to find out how much truth there is to Dr. Smith's story about finding a ship.

Well, certainly not Will's about an admiral.

Aren't you even curious about Will's story, Dad?

No, just fascinated by that boy's fantastic imagination.

Admiral Zark of the Imperial Cassiopeian Navy.

Wow.

Do we go out there in the morning?

Yeah, I guess so.

A burned-out propulsion unit.

At least I guess that's what it was.

And a slew of other instruments that could be in working order or not.

I'm not familiar with half of them.

Lower deck looks like it could have been crew's quarters.

Hmm.

Not admiral's quarters?

No evidence that it was even used by a midshipman.

But it is an alien ship, all right.

So at least that part of Smith's story, as well as Will's, is correct.

Well, I guess you owe Will an apology for that part.

But what do you owe Smith, if you could find him?

Well, I'm still working on that one.

Well, there's no hurry.

This ship isn't going anywhere.

Nor is Smith.

You know, John, it might be kind of interesting if we could pretend that he was.

What do you mean?

Well, just suppose that...

Come on, I'll show you.

All right.

Dr Smith!

Are you going to lie on the sack all day?

It is well past breakfast time.

Did you say breakfast?

I said it was well past breakfast time.

Oh.

That hard bed leaves a great deal to be desired.

My back is a disaster area.

Do you suppose Will has arrived with the supplies I ordered?

If you mean food, you should say food.

Hold your tongue, you silly goose!

Food is essential to sustain the inner man.

Nobody seems to understand that but me.

Ah, the dear boy kept his word.

Now, what have we here?

It is not one of the extras you ordered, Dr Smith.

However, it is an extra propulsion unit from the Jupiter 2 surplus type.

The compliments of the Jupiter 2 Bon Voyage?

Is this one of Will's jokes?

Negative.

The handwriting indicates that the message came from Major West.

What do you find so funny, you hardware hyena?

Major West is calling your bluff, Dr Smith.

He believed you meant it.

I think that is very funny.

Silence, you sniggering cinderbox!

Avast, there, you scheming shore vermin!

Mr Spindlelegs, what have you done with that lad?

If you mean Will Robinson, General... General!

I'm an admiral of the Imperial fleet, you bumbling ignoramus.

Where is he?

Well, you see, your worship, my metallic friend, will explain all.

Begging the Admiral's pardon, sir, but if my senses serve me correctly,

Will Robinson is now safe and sound in the bosom of his family.

Most regrettable.

I could have made a man out of him instead of a mollycoddle, drowned with mother love.

You seem to have shown some resourcefulness this morning, Mr Spindlelegs.

This power unit will serve my purpose admirably.

You may take it aboard.

But I had nothing to do with it, sir.

Modesty ill becomes a man.

A man of your staggering vanity, Mr Spindlelegs.

Take it aboard.

We shall cast off the moment it's installed.

We, sir?

You seem to be afflicted by some unwarranted fears for your safety.

Am I to understand that you would prefer not to sail with Admiral Zark?

I would prefer not to sail with anyone, sir.

Indeed.

It seems to me I distinctly remember your telling the lad that you intended to sail in my ship.

Now hoist the engine aboard, sir!

And don't try my Patience any further.

Yes, your worship.

Yes, indeed, your worship.

Well, you heard what he said.

Hoist it aboard.

He said for you to hoist it aboard, Dr Smith.

You know very well that my condition does not warrant such manual labor.

That does not compute.

Compute, my foot?

You down there!

Didn't you hear what I said?

Hoist it aboard!

Hoist it aboard!

Yes, your worship.

Aye, aye, sir!

Hi, Admiral.

Have you seen Dr Smith this morning?

Good morning, boy.

Now, climb the rigging.

I just want to know if you've seen Dr Smith this morning, sir.

Didn't you hear what I said, boy?

Climb the rigging.

Hey!

What are you doing?

We are ready for takeoff.

Mr. Kidna-.

I'm on my way!

You'll rue the day you ever cross me, Mr. Kidna-.

Mom!

Dad!

I just heard that alien spaceship taking off.

Yes, we're looking at it right here.

I can't understand it.

Dr. Smith couldn't have gotten that propulsion unit to work.

Will said that propulsion unit was all Admiral's Ark needed.

Where's Will now?

Well, he was afraid the Admiral would Shanghai Dr. Smith, so he went out there to warn them.

You've just got to take us back.

Welcome back, sir.

You could drop us off and then go wherever you wanted to.

There, there, laddie.

Just a momentary pang of homesickness is all it is.

Quite understandable.

My, you're a plucky one returning here, but I shall expect you to write to your

mother at least once a week while we're away.

Couldn't resist the great adventure with Admiral Zark, could you now?

Fess up, laddie.

Space is in your blood as it is in mine.

I just came back to get Dr. Smith.

Of course, of course.

Quartermaster!

Aye, aye, sir.

We shall bear on Rubin El-Ghanoubi, Quartermaster.

Rubin El-Ghanoubi it is.

Otherwise known as the southern claw of a scorpion.

Knowledgeable little rascal, aren't you?

Go below!

Aye, aye, sir.

Take the wheel, lad.

Go along, take the wheel, it won't bite you.

That's a good lad.

It's good to have somebody sturdy and dependable by my side.

Where are we?

I think that's Rubin El-Ghanoubi to the starboard bow, sir.

Ah, so it is.

Harder port to me a Placidus.

Harder port, lad!

There.

That's a good lad.

That's a good lad, Midshipman Robinson.

Midshipman?

Admiral Zark is sufficiently impressed with your abilities, me lad, to reward them as they deserve.

Sail with Zark, and you'll be first mate in a year or two.

We'll run a splendid ship together, you and I, Midshipman.

The pride of the fleet when we sail into our home port with Mr.

Kidno's head hanging from the highest yard arm!

Oh, however, never make the mistake of assuming that my liking for you will excuse a dereliction of duty, Midshipman.

Discipline will always come first with me, as it always has.

My father's like that when we're in space.

No one is like Admiral Zark, Midshipman Robinson.

No one.

Steady as she goes!

Steady as she goes it is, sir.

There's a good lad.

Dad?

Hey, Dad, look at this.

Maybe the ship's log.

It could give us a clue to their whereabouts if I could decode it.

Let's get back to the ship.

It's your watch, Robot.

When there is work to be done to be done.

A sailor's lot is not a happy one.

No, bigot.

Oh, William.

He's had me swabbing decks, scrubbing bulkheads, polishing brass.

All ignominious tasks for a man of my quality.

I would not be in this predicament if your family hadn't sent me to Coventry.

None of us would be in this predicament if you hadn't made threats you weren't going to keep, Dr.

Smith.

Be that as it may, we must find some way of making him take you back to your sorrowing family, William.

Regardless of what may happen to me.

Well, I tried to talk to him, but he's got his mind fixed on just one destination,

and he knows enough about navigation to get us there.

Do you suppose he knows enough about navigation to get us back to Earth, William?

I guess so, but I don't think it would fit in with his plans.

One can but try.

And now I must make myself presentable before I speak to him.

Ah, yes.

What have we here?

I think this might just do the trick.

Now, come along.

Let's try the next page.

Mutiny!

In the dead of night, I was seized and cast adrift in a leaky space cutter by

order of my seething dog of a mate, Mr. Kidnow!

But I have outwitted him.

Though he be a hundred light-years away, I will never give up the pursuit with the

crew which I have assembled on this uncharted planet, and I will never give up the pursuit The chase is on!

Death to all mutineers!

Well, at least we know why he came here and what he's doing.

Yeah, a ragtag and a bobtail crew in a leaky space cutter.

And with our propulsion unit.

Say, that, uh, unit... That unit had magnetic drive, didn't it?

Yeah.

Meaning it could run forever on a minimum of fuel.

Yeah, I know, but... But what, John?

Listen, let me get this more clear in my mind, and I'll tell you all about it.

Don, I'm gonna need a lot of help.

I don't know who I hate more, Slytherin or myself.

Ah!

Who are you?

Top of the evening to you, sir.

Everything below is scrubbed and ship-shaped, sir.

Mr. Kidno...

Mr. Kidno!

You mutinous dog!

Whatever you've done with my ship, answer me before I plunge my cactus into your gizzard!

Oh, sir.

Dear sir, my name is Smith, Dr Zachary Smith.

I was press-ganged, remember?

Ah!

Mr. Spindlelegs.

What are you doing on my bridge?

I came up to help, sir.

I can be of great assistance to you, sir.

Assistance?

Why, you clumsy swab!

Your very presence on board this ship is an insult to Navy tradition!

Oh, but I'm an old space hand, Admiral.

Indeed, I am.

I've sailed many a craft in this deep.

I've sailed, uh, four-stackers, twin-riggers, pancakers.

You name them, Admiral, I've sailed them all.

Now, of course, you'd like to see my papers, wouldn't you?

Well, I have them right here.

Or possibly here.

Dear.

Ah, yes, I remember.

I left them in my old space chest back on Earth.

Perhaps we can make a brief stop there and see.

Sir, until I join you officially, if you would be kind enough to appoint me quartermaster.

You have a glib tongue, Mr. Spindlelegs.

I am sincere, sir.

Lock on Phontax, quartermaster!

Begging your pardon, sir, but a lock on Phontax will take us directly into the path.

...

Are you presuming to navigate my ship?

Quartermaster, lock on Phontax immediately!

Lock on Phontax it is, sir.

A shortcut to Earth, sir?

A shortcut to Mr. Kidno, you slimy-tongued cuttlefish.

And when I catch up with him, him mutinous dog, and his pack of filthy cutthroat

scavengers, there'll be no vengeance in all the universe to match mine.

How d'you will, sir?

Not recently.

I'll dance a hornpipe to the rhythm of their cries, Mr. Spindlelegs.

Have you danced today, Mr. Spindlelegs?

Dance, sir?

Yes, dance, blastier.

It's a standing order for my crew.

Clears the head, tones the muscles, stimulates the nerves.

Come on.

Dance, Mr. Spindlelegs.

Dance!

Faster!

Faster!

Oh, dear.

Oh, couldn't you try a simple ball, sir?

No.

Faster!

Oh, dear.

I can't do that.

Faster!

Blastier!

Faster!

Faster!

Riptide of solar fire on the port bow, sir.

Oh, that did it.

Steady as she goes.

Hoist the hurricane signal, Mr. Spindlelegs.

I believe an opportunity to test our mettle is close at hand.

Aye, aye, sir.

Oh, dear.

Hoist the...

Whatever it was, he saved.

What are the orders, sir?

We shall drive through at full power, of course.

Full power ahead!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

What's going on here?

Where are we?

Faster!

Faster, you blithering idiot!

He set it straight for that solar fire.

We'll all be melted away.

Already I can feel my bones softening.

Oh!

Sir, I mean, well, maybe we should alter our course a little.

It's getting awfully hot up here.

Alter my course, midshipman?

Are you assuming that I don't know what I'm about?

Well, not exactly, sir, but... Midshipman Robinson!

Your standing in the roster of the officer class is something below that of the lowliest apprentice in the focus hall.

We are driving through, midshipman Robinson.

This day will be remembered to our eternal glory!

It's like a wild man!

Text to the mutinous docks!

Did it again.

Steady as she goes.

Full speed ahead.

Steady as she goes it is.

Full speed ahead, sir.

You lost your voice, quartermaster.

My computers are awfully dry, sir.

There'll be a good deal drier before this day's done.

As soon as we've found the guns, I'll engage him in amusing conversation

while you thrust a gun into the small of his back.

At which point... I don't know, Dr Smith.

What's all this confounded mattering?

Speak up, sir!

I was just telling the midshipman how much I admire your superb navigation, sir.

Blether and bilge water, Mr Spindlelegs.

Go below and holy stone the deck.

I want it scrubbed until it gleams.

At a terrible time like this, sir?

I should be a poor master if I allowed a mere solar fire to interrupt my ship discipline.

Go below, Mr Spindlelegs.

That is an order.

Yes, indeed, Admiral.

Yes, sir.

I've just set the wheel to automatic control.

Keep an eye on that fellow.

I don't trust him.

Aye, aye, sir.

Midshipman!

Aye, sir.

You may set the table for the captain's mess.

Aye, aye, sir.

No question about it, my dear old friend.

We must take action.

I am familiar with the expression, but not with its significance in this instance.

We're going to seize command of the ship.

It will be your duty to stand guard over the Admiral while Will and I take over the controls, understood?

Negative.

I am not programmed for mutiny.

You prefer to be reduced to a heap of molten tin?

Are you nervous, Ninny?

I am not nervous.

You are.

I have complete faith in the Admiral's navigational skill.

Besides, I am the quartermaster.

So that's how it is, you silver-plated sellout.

Very well.

Will and I will have to go in alone.

Go away and holy stone the deck, Mr. Spindlelegs.

Quartermasters do not talk to ordinary swabbies.

Swabbies indeed.

I'll pay you back for this, you putative from a scrap heap.

There.

I think we're ready to give it a whirl.

Well, not until you tell me what you're going to do, I hope.

Well, the propulsion unit on Zark's Cutter is powered by magnetic drive.

So is this, only in reverse.

Well, so far I understand.

I think.

Well, when reverse or negative power is applied, it'll attract any vehicle powered by positive magnetic drive.

Including Zark's Cutter?

Well, that's the one we're interested in.

Ready?

Power on.

Maureen, get on the scope.

Report anything you see.

Girls?

Ready for beam?

Ready.

That's all I could find.

Well, well.

Short rations are nothing new to me, boy.

A.

Man has the will to survive.

When the will to live is uppermost in his mind, that's more important than thirst.

Or hunger.

Mr. Kidna-ow!

Didn't think of that!

Sir, I don't mean to be disrespectful or anything.

And I know how you feel about manners, but not everybody feels the same way you do.

Explain yourself, boy.

Well, when a crew thinks that you're running them into danger, they get ideas.

Ideas?

If you could just change our course or we could go around the solar fire.

Abast, dear boy!

Oh!

Our bearing is Phontax, solar fire or no solar fire.

Phontax, boy, is Mr. Kidna-ow's wretched hiding place, and it's there that I'm going to surprise that mutinous hound.

And I expect my crew to be loyal to the end.

To the end!

Aye, aye, sir.

There, boy, be of good cheer.

I've undertaken to protect you, and protect you I will.

We shall find some goat cheese in the pantry locker, boy.

Here we go.

Ah, drat.

There's nothing in the locker but cobwebs, sir.

Cobwebs?

Where is my goat?

Goat cheese, boy.

I don't think there's been any goat cheese in that locker for years, sir.

Silence, you impertinent pup!

Mr. Kidno!

Mr. Kidno!

Mr. Kidno's on bond tax, remember?

Don't make it necessary for me to come to you, Mr. Kidno!

All right, I warned you.

Here, midshipman!

Mr. Kidno!

Stand to attention, Mr. Kidno!

My pantry locker, Mr. Kidno, is empty.

My name is Smith, sir, although I do answer to spindle legs under duress.

It's too late to attempt the use of an alias, Mr. Kidno.

Now, Mr. Kidno, who stole my goat cheese?

Surely you don't think it was I?

Think, Mr. Kidno!

Why, you pilfering scoundrel, I know!

You've been at my goat cheese, my emergency rations.

Alas, you thieving hide!

I'm charging you with grand theft in space!

Oh, no, sir!

Put him in irons, Midshipman, and throw him in the box!

You're making a mistake, sir.

Dr. Smith's not Mr. Kidno.

Midshipman, do your duty, or I'll throw you overboard and let you hang in space until you bang!

That just seems... Yes, Midshipman, do your duty.

You'll find a gun in the gun locker.

Forgive me, sir.

The young man really has very little experience in guard duty, and I don't mind at all his learning on me.

Go ahead, my boy.

Get the gun.

He's really a very charming young man, don't you think so, Admiral?

A charming young man.

I don't really want to do this, Admiral!

You're under arrest.

We are seizing your ship.

Point the gun at him, will you?

Did I hear you right, Mr. Spindlelegs?

Did I hear you say that I, Admiral Zark, was under arrest?

Do you have him covered, will you, before I answer that?

Where are you?

Warning.

Warning.

The ship is going out of control.

He's coming closer, John.

Let me know the minute I change his course.

All right, dear.

Increase the power.

Two points.

Roger.

It worked.

We reversed the course.

We need more power.

We're at full power now, sir.

However, our course is now 180 degrees off.

In other words, we are flying backwards, Admiral.

Backwards?

Now's your chance, William.

Put the gun in the small of his neck.

I don't know, Dr Smith.

He's got enough problems of his own.

And besides, I thought you were going to engage him in amusing conversation before I did anything like that.

That's out of the question, now that I've told him we intend to seize command of his ship.

Well, in that case, maybe you'd better handle the gun.

What's mere Placidus doing out there, Quartermaster?

Begging your pardon, sir, but we are going back the way we came.

Subinil Janubi coming up on the port bow, sir.

Stay close beside me, William.

I think we'd better forget this whole thing, Dr. Smith.

And have him toss me out into space for mutiny?

Unidentified planet dead ahead, sir.

Aye, Quartermaster.

Ah, Mr. Spindledex, the hand of fate seems to be smiling upon us.

I believe that we have caught up with Mr. Kidno and his pack of mutinous scoundrels.

Ah, I see you're already armed for a fray.

Now, it's strange how you remind me of Mr. Kidno.

I could have sworn that I heard you use his very same words to the effect that you are taking over command of my ship.

Aye, sir.

Oh, no, sir.

Half speed ahead, Quartermaster.

Stand by to orbit.

Half speed ahead.

Stand by to orbit it is, sir.

You down there!

I have you clear in my sights, you mutinous dog!

Mr. Kidnow, show yourself!

Show yourself, you snivelling scoundrel, or I'll blow you and your murderous gang to kingdom come!

You hear me?

Get the force field going.

Force field's on.

Defy me, will you, you mutinous spine?

Man the missile gun, midshipman Robinson.

Ready, aim.

Please, Admiral, listen to me.

That's my family down there.

Take another look.

Are you suggesting that I don't know Kidno and his gang when I see the midshipman?

Yes, sir, I am.

You could be wrong.

Why, you thought Dr. Smith was Mr. Kidno for a while.

Yes, you did.

You may fire when ready, midshipman.

I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not going to.

Why, you insolent pup.

Move.

I'll take off the wheel, robot.

Fire.

Move.

We shall fire the gun.

Ready.

Fire.

Steady as she goes.

Ready.

Fire.

Stand here, Lacey.

Ready.

Fire.

Stop that, you traitor.

You're making me miss my target.

Begging your pardon, sir, but the ship is now within the planet's gravity field.

Stand by for landing.

Drat.

Don, get the guns.

Begging your pardon.

You'll never be easy.

Begging your pardon.

Don, get this out of the way.

He's a tough guy, aren't you?

He's got a lot of courage.

I'm high.

Come on.

Don, it's fine.

Aren't you afraid he'll believe you're a coward?

Come on.

Well, this is what I guess.

If you don't pull fast enough, I'll kill you.

Batteries.

I guess so.

Though he be a hundred light years away, I will never give up the pursuit.

I sure would like to have met him.

What's he like?

Mr. Kidno!

Who stole my goat cheese?

Blast your thieving hide!

Mr. Kidno!

Steady as she goes, quartermaster!

Okay, okay, I get the picture.

Oh, butt in your bubble!

All right, young thespians, we all have our parts.

Now, let us rehearse.

Places, please, assume your positions.

Lovely.

You may begin, Penny.

I am Freya.

I love... Don't mumble, dear.

Recite the lines trippingly on the tongue.

And don't slouch to your head and chest proud.

Remember, your eye on the balcony railing gives a natural poise to the head.

Oh, dear, start again.

Yes, Dr Smith.

I am Freya.

I love all things of beauty.

Music, spring, flowers.

I love the clouds in the sky, the birds on high, the silver fishes below.

Under the ground, all the worms aglow.

Deathless prose.

I love...

Why do I have to be Freya, Dr Smith?

I've only got four lines.

Why can't I be Norse God Odin?

For the simple reason that Odin was a man.

Yeah, I'm gonna be Odin.

You will play the part that I've assigned to you, William.

Odin.

Odin, the mythological god of Valhalla, was most glorious, most great.

Naturally, it follows that I should play that part.

Natural.

All these lovely long speeches.

I should be magnificent.

Of course.

You've written them all for yourself.

Let's not quibble, my dears.

The play's the thing.

Places, please.

You better get back to the Jupiter, Dr Smith.

That looks like a cosmic storm.

Of course it's a storm.

I wrote it into the third act.

We're not play acting now, Dr Smith.

That's a real...

It's a real storm.

Hurry up, Dr Smith.

Maybe Odin's trying to prove that you're all wet.

Oh, but indeed, young upstart.

I'll have you know I'm a match for Odin or any of the other mythological gods.

No, no, I really didn't mean that.

Let's not be hasty up there.

If I've said anything to offend anyone, I'm sorry.

You must understand that this is only play acting of the most harmless sort.

Come on, Dr Smith.

Giant hands.

They're coming for me.

They're pulling me apart.