Original subtitles

No!

to my involvement in

Funny, isn't it? How it's always my fault when another of your amazing scams

goes awry.

Yeah, well, I didn't see you stop me. You should have known it would go bad.

My boy didn't go-

Hey look! This heatbed will lead to an escape!

Over here guys!

My lumpy mutated horsey will save us!

Cheap movie.

Let me through!

End of the line, dorks!

It was just a scam, Double D!

How could it go so wrong?

Eddie, the laws of probability could be all real mean!

behind you, man.

You can't let this go, man.

Not after what they did!

I'm getting my bike!

How can you be so certain, Eddie?

Those jumps will never catch us now.

From here on out, it's nothing but smooth sailing.

rocked for miles, and you had to hit it.

Seatbelts certainly are a trusted friend.

I followed all the rules, lived a life of decency and principle, so why didn't

I trust my instincts that one day these short-sighted sophomoric show games

would go too far?

Double D's dark side makes my armpits sweat, Eddie.

What does it?

What souls are we, gentlemen, doomed for eternity?

Lighten up, Sockhead. Hasn't Eddie always steered you right? Don't answer

that. If I might partake in this chat, could we not join at the circus?

Eddie could be the world.

It doesn't go that way.

Shortest elephant.

And you, Double D, can be the clown.

I suppose one could get used to the confining nature of tights.

Talk about stupid.

If we're going anywhere, I know a place so out of the way, it's practically

invisible.

Dare I ask?

And?

Yeah, Eddie. And?

And?

If any of those losers find us there...

I'll be mailed back to Peach Creek in a body cap.

Where are we going, Eddie?

My big bro's place!

Eddie,

I have my doubts your brother would offer us sanctuary.

What? Are you kidding me?

We're kind of connected.

Like twins.

Brainwave stuff. He's talking to me right now.

As this rage train ain't stopping till I thump those three twerps!

Whoa.

Kevin, stop!

Ow,

that hurt!

Oh, man!

I'm so sorry!

This can't be happening.

My bike's thrashed!

Hello? Remember me?

Naz, we need to figure out where those foul-ups took off to and head them off.

I'm pretty sure they won't be going back to the cul-de-sac.

Not after what they did.

That'd be the last thing they'd do.

They're like such cowards.

Good one, Naz.

Say, you got one of those hairpin things?

Totally.

Cowards running hot, right?

So who's the one person in the world that Eddie trusts besides his two loser

pals?

What about his brother?

That little twerp wouldn't have the... That's it!

They're going to Eddie's brother's place.

Naz, you're awesome, babe.

Hold it!

Teddy's brother will murder us if he finds out we're after his little

brother. We're wasting time.

We gotta get those dorks before they get there. If they get there before we get

there, they'll never get theirs.

What? Forget it!

We gotta go.

It must not be seen, or the Ed boys will surely flee Wilfred. Lay low and follow

Ralph's posterior.

The Ed boys think they have played Rolfus and Tony Bologna, but they have

yet to feel the wrath of this son of a-

1999?

We'll have the Ed boys on a spit by nightfall.

Can your brother send me brainwaves too, Eddie?

If only you had a brain, Ed.

Come on, Eddie. Have a heart.

Courage. Courage, Edward.

Look guys!

Momo's there!

Momo's everywhere!

My bro owns a billion cows! A regular stampedeable!

Your brother's got Momo's headache!

Buckhead, you're so naive.

I think you mean naive, Eddie.

That too. My big bro would never let anything happen to me. And I'll tell you

what, I'll put in a good word for you two.

Thank you, Eddie. Your brother certainly is a kind, upstanding, and generous

human being.

He's got Momo's double thing.

Yes, well, what's our estimated time of arrival to your brother's sanctuary,

Eddie?

Beats me.

you've been leading us to nowhere?

Nope. I'm taking you to my bro's house, smart guy. You just have to figure out

where it is.

Oh, let me, Eddie. I have a good figure.

The hills are alive, Eddie.

Yeah, with the sounds of an idiot.

Spooned it right there.

We're not taking one more step until we've deduced the whereabouts of your

brother, Eddie.

Forget to pay the brain bill.

But, Eddie, your brother's always been somewhat of an enigma. I've got nothing

to go on!

Better hurry up! Big bro's a-waitin'! Whoa, whoa, Eddie!

Do you think I could get your brother's autograph?

Ta-da!

Like this one?

Eddie's brother's autograph!

Thank you!

Get back in! My brother sent me that pulp cart!

Time,

Captain, time!

A postcard?

This could provide a very clue we need.

Hey!

Give me that!

A postmark should lead us directly to... Drats! It's illegible!

You probably smudged it.

I'll borrow this, Ed. Thank you.

I drew a picture for your

brother, Eddie.

Think you'll like it?

Hey, Sockhead, where'd you go?

Eddie, I found a link with key communities we've had with your brother.

Among those, his shuddersome stink bomb recipes, his heinous hot sauces, oh, and

my favorite, malicious misleading treasure maps, together with other

contentious callous cons, lead me to suspect your brother's quite the

jokester. You better believe it! He's the king, baby!

Yes, well, where could one groom this tendency to pranks and puerile practical

jokes?

It says so on my comic book!

Cranks and pure oil practical jokes at the Lemonbrook gag factory.

That's quite a coincidence.

Lemonbrook? Bunch of mascot-hating, lemon-sucking... Nuh-uh, Eddie.

No autograph, no comic book.

That's it, Eddie! Your brother may very well work there. Or at the very least,

be a regular customer.

I bet he's there right now!

A little far from home, aren't you Dutch?

Uh-oh, looks like Dutch needs a diaper.

I'm fine. Really, I am.

Aw, he's squirming.

Dutch ain't a baby.

He's a big growing man.

I bet he wants a date.

Can you give me any love?

I got shame.

We're gonna-

A porous substrate, how apropos.

What's that stupid thing?

Can you see cartoons in it?

It's a wheat whittler!

I will eat you now!

But merrymaking nearly cost us this sextant.

You catch that, Ed?

Uh, the what?

I missed that.

What's it called?

It's called a sextant. An astronomical instrument used to... Again,

sorry. I missed it. What's it called?

It's called... commonly known as a sextant, Eddie.

Say it again, Double D!

Oh, my!

You won't be giggling when this unnamed device triangulates our position and

gives us a precise heading to the true direction of the gag factory.

Wanna bet?

Calculator bearings to the gag factory. I'll need...

Land

ho!

This is it!

Gag factory, yay!

Sanctuary at long last!

Leave it, bro!

It's me, Eddie!

Perhaps the front doors will yield a response.

I forgot my big bro hates backdoors!

Rolf fears an omen has befallen us.

Guard the provisions.

Rolf will interrogate this caboodle of bovine discord.

Son of a gun!

Come, Wilfred!

The Ed boys must not escape!

Oh, look! Lots of stuff and stuff!

Bro! It's me, Eddie!

You know!

Pipsqueak!

Where is everybody?

Are you sure this is the gag factory?

Because I ain't laughing!

Looks gaggy to me, Eddie.

Ed, comic book, please.

Man, that joke's old.

Exactly.

This publication was printed over ten years ago.

Revolt of the Rotting Brains, a classic.

It's comic countless!

Eddie! Where has my rotting brain gone?

We're pooped!

We'll never find my brother, Double D.

Never say never, Eddie. Perhaps old... Customer receipts or employee records

might unearth a clue to his whereabouts.

Choo-choo!

Oh, look! Boxes! That was stuff!

Not again!

Ed, we'll never make headway if you keep rummaging through... Chickens, Double D!

Oh, I love them to death, I do!

You can't have a party without a rubber chicken, Double D! Big bro says so.

Edifying.

I'll go examine the factory's filing cabinets and see what I can find.

What else you got in there, Lummix?

Lucky me!

What a joke!

But it's done again!

I think I'm gonna... Pardon me, miss, but

I think you dropped your lunch!

cookie! I ups your junk, daddy!

What's real, Tony?

No! No ups for me without

Have you forgotten why we're here?

Is anyone there?

Red Double D!

Serve yourself!

Eddie! This can't be!

If Lux could kill, I'd be dead!

fall off the back of a truck!

We're sorry, Double B!

Jellybean?

Why, thank you, Ed. These should prove quite comforting. And I am a bit

peckish.

wrestling walruses eddie if your brother is a whaler then he must reside by the

sea how do we find a double day it's quite simple ed

you see this stream is a veritable highway that will lead us straight to it

we merely need to float upon the current and it will carry us to its opening and

eddie

Squat it and keep it moving.

Yeah, you heard her. We got boyfriends to save.

Gee, Lee, I love your toenail polish.

I said move!

Isn't that adorable?

The kid wants to be just like...

doesn't. She's kind of homely if you ask me.

Nobody's asking, Marie.

Here, kid.

Knock yourself out.

Golly gee, what?

Okay, then. That means we bring down those three maniacs. We're taking a bite

to justice.

We are so on fire today, Naz.

Kev?

They were here. I can feel it.

I don't get it, Kevin!

What is this, a joke?

Two-timing tourists are really getting to me, man.

Hey, Kev, check this out.

Dusty, Dusty, Dusty? I don't get it. Sounds like something Double D would

say. Don't you think?

Don't ya?

Make it a boat!

And a boat it is, Eddie.

It mimics the common mallard in order to offer minimal disruption to the local

fauna. It's got a sauna?! Saunas make me sweat.

More.

My eyes!

They're burning!

Will you stop that?

Does it hurt, Double D?

Oh, shush!

of the business at hand.

Thank you.

Ed, drum roll, please.

For what?

By the authority vested in me, sanctioned by

moi, I hereby christen this seaworthy vessel the esteemed, um, SS Mutant

Almost a Chicken Duck?

I'm surprised you didn't run out of paint.

Stand clear, gentlemen!

They muscled!

Can we go now? My bro'll make us eat a barnacle if we show up while he's

watching Matlock.

Really?

He's gonna feed us, Eddie?

Heck yeah!

He was the royal cook for the king of Englishland.

You mean England, Eddie.

Straight to Big Bro's place!

You need us more than ever, girls!

It's those two runts!

Move it!

I think they're gone, Jimmy.

Shh! Let's get the heck out of here.

just go.

You're freaking me out, Plank. Oh, sorry. Excuse me.

Mr. Duckbow.

The collision was unavoidable, Eddie. It was the unpredictable current that

proved unfavorable.

Unbelievable.

All I know is we're stuck in a swamp out in the middle of nowhere.

Big Gro ain't gonna be impressed.

Is that what you think? That I'm here to impress your brother? That I would

forsake my home and family for something as trivial as...

Perhaps we should talk about you and Ed's immature behavior.

I'm sure he'd like to hear about that.

Well, I'll have you know, if it hadn't been for my...

Try to swallow me.

Wiggle my toes, wiggle my toes.

Make no sudden movements.

Stubborn, inane desire to shuck, sandbag, and swindle is what brought us

here in the first place!

I helped too!

You and your nefarious scams!

Like you were picking daisies!

You failed the stupid thing!

If you had paid attention to what I said-

Trouble!

Milk it, Sockhead.

that for man it's late and I'm cold

fine I'll make the fire

sweet

wicked

Sure could use another sandwich.

Yeah.

Sorry about that, dude.

Don't sweat it, doll.

Kev? Sorry I slapped you.

It's been, like, such a crazy day today.

No foolin'. No foolin'. Wait.

Don't move.

Almost left her out in the cold.

Bad for the paint, you know I

just don't get her man

Looks like we lucked up, girls!

It's one of them! Who's after our boyfriend?

Look!

Alien spaceships are attacking!

That's stupid.

Call me up Terralam Theory D, Ed.

Say what?

Fireflies, Eddie.

These nocturnal luminescent beetles will help shed light on our journey.

Fancy bunga butts, I must say.

So these things know where my bro lives?

Hardly.

Pardon me. But they can help us find a safe place to rest for the night.

We passed the motel a ways back.

We could have stopped there.

Motels cost money, Eddie.

Excuse me.

Have you any money, Eddie?

I would if that stupid scam worked.

And pooped. Sleepy time, guys.

Unappropriate place as any, I suppose.

Nighty-night.

Can I have a good night, Cass?

What are you?

Excuse me, Ed.

Yet another boulder.

Hey, Sockhead! Quit turning everything into your bedroom!

It's just that it's difficult for me to sleep in an unlabeled environment.

Snore. I'm getting some shut-eye.

This bed's killing me.

Try Daddy.

Quit talking in your sleep, Ed.

What's the use?

Probably getting back at me. For what? I don't know.

at that motel.

Yep, belly's empty.

one of those corn dogs, will ya? I could eat a horse!

Hey, hey, hey! Get your mitts off my... wallet!

Eddie, look!

Mondo a go-go!

See how the billboard and the postcard your brother sent you match?

He must have mailed it from...

Why don't you quit standing there and do some... Whale!

A whale?

Eddie, didn't you say your brother was once a whaler?

That's his place!

That's gotta be his house!

Eddie, speak for all!

I am mad!

Save me!

I'm okay.

Opinion, please, Ed. What do you think?

Glad? Stripes? Perhaps more conservative, yes?

Our problems are over, but...

Sweet Dorks what are they doing here? What are you doing here

taking care of our boyfriends?

Jeepers, and you're still in one piece.

Did we miss the edge beating?

No, you're just in time.

No, wait!

In your dreams, shovel chin. Tell you what, why don't you talk to my bro?

He lives here, you know.

Huh? No way. Let this be true. Get in line, girls.

Yeah, so tell him how you're gonna beat up his little bro.

Park don't open till noon.

I told you he's a wizard till the time!

Tip squeak?

Bro!

Mom and dad know you're here. As if!

Anyone know you're here?

Only these chumps who chased us here!

Just a sec.

Aren't those ankle biters from the cul-de-sac?

Yeah! And they want to beat me up. All for nothing!

He's looking at you, Rolf. Later.

All for nothing, huh?

Still the trouble-making Eddie, I see.

Stop it, bro.

I smell my fingers after I eat cheese.

Um, I told the guys you'd put us up. And... and Double D.

I think it's very...

Why is your girlfriend wearing a sock on her head?

Girlfriend?

Yeah, sure.

I'll help you out.

Really?

Oh, bro!

What would I do without you?

You are so my hero!

Happy place, Double D! Happy place!

Isn't it touching, Sarah?

It's like a fairy tale come true.

Eddie and his two stoopsies got away with their lives, man.

We got burned in here.

Roto! Just for old time's sake, let's play uncle.

Uncle? You want to crash in my place, don't you?

That's why we came all the way... Uncle!

Uncle! Uncle!

Say what?

Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!

Pipsqueak. So can we go inside now?

Why not?

Don't forget to wipe your feet.

Dude, Eddie's brother is a real jerk.

What's he doing to my man?

Bro, give it up. Give it up? I thought you wanted to hang with your hero.

the older sibling, don't you think you should rather be setting an example for

Eddie and not, um, belittle him in front of his friends?

Belittle? He's always been little. I like you, girlfriend.

You got s-

so people would like me, think I was cool.

But boy, was I wrong.

Scam, my brother, this.

What am I going to learn, Double D?

I think you just have, Eddie.

I gotta admit, pal, that was so choice.

It was?

What a dead beast this guy turned out to be. He don't look so tough.

More special than a m-

Goody, goody, two-shoe days of Captain Melonhead and Splinter have come to an

end. The darkness will rise. The villainous day...