Original subtitles

No bikes sorry...

Sorry about that. Be patient

Have you ever ridden a motorbike at 100 miles per hour?

And found yourself thinking...

What if the end was here?

And then wondered whether you would have been lucky enough...

To think the same again and tell someone about it...

And then thought...

Maybe, at the end of the day, it wouldn't make any difference...

Maybe, at the end of the day, the thought of that is not that scary...

And then looked at yourself from the outside and thought:

"This cannot be my life!"

You try and make sense of things and yet you can't.

People need to fill their lives with noise to feel like they're alive.

I don't want to hear any noise in my brain.

All this buzzing...

All this chaos...

I just want to listen to my fucking inner voice.

Get to the core of things.

Get to the truth.

Lara.

Yeah.

Nice to meet you! Hi!

- Anna, yeah? - Yeah!

How you doing?

Yeah, good.

Kind of stinks under this bridge. I don't know why I'm standing here.

Is this a good spot?

I thought it was a convenient location for you to meet up...

Yeah, no, sure. It's fine!

Ok cool!

I think I know a place where we can go.

I don't know if you'll like it, but it's kind of close and

a friend of mine works there so...

Yeah, sure. Awesome!

Get a discount!

Yeah well...

It's always handy!

Where are you from?

I am actually Italian but I...

Oh right!

Yeah... But I've lived here for a while, so it's...

I don't feel very Italian if that's...

You just sound very Italian, I have to say.

No, it's cool!

So...

I don't know... What do you normally do? I don't think I asked you.

Yeah, so...

I just work for a media agency

in East London.

But I work in HR, so don't get to do any of the fun stuff, but

it's chilled out. Like, It's quite...

The office is quite trendy and everyone's kind of chilled.

Yeah

So yeah. It just pays the bills.

Yeah...

- That's good! - How about you?

Well, I'm trying to be a writer.

Oh, sweet!

Yeah, well, not very successful so far but...

But it's not like...

I'm going to get a Caribbean.

Kind of feels like we're in the Caribbean today with this weather, right?

Yeah, it's really hot.

Ok cool. So I'm gonna...

I'm gonna go and...

Well, order...

Cause you have to go there.

- No, you can stay. - Yeah, sure.

Okay. I'll look after the bags.

Can I get a...

Yeah, a Caribbean and a

Jungle juice.

Do you have to pay for it when you order? Or do you get a bill...

Yeah, no it's fine...

- Oh, shit. Sorry! - No, it's fine don't worry about that!

You sure?

Yeah!

Thank you so much. I think it's probably...

Cheers!

I guess I...

As I said, you know... I don't...

- I don't see myself with... - Oh sour!

Is it sour?

It's just a really strong flavour.

Do you want to try mine?

No no, it's fine. All good!

This is very nice actually...

Like I said, we weren't together for that long.

It was good, like...

She was really hot.

Sometimes we message on Facebook and...

It's cool to just keep in touch and see what she's doing...

Her life looks ridiculous...

You don't have any pillow! You don't have any pillow!

Baisers!

"Kiss"

I knew it!

Also "fuck"!

Sorry!

Does it glide?

I wouldn't want to die on these rocks...

In Scotland!

That would be kind of a romantic way of dying.

Yeah, really poetic!

Okay, so this is my idea for the night...

- Hear me out! - OK

This is going to be our house.

Oh, I've always dreamt of a house in the trees.

Yeah.

Can we construct one?

So this is my point.

So we're going to build...

Okay, we're gonna use some of these...

Can we make fire?

We can make a fire!

And then we can cook fish!

Yeah, we can go on a boat and steal some fish and...

We can steal the fish!

Not steal, but like how do you call it when you...

Fish the fish?

Alright keep walking...

Would be nice to steal a boat and just go on the lake.

Fuck we could!

Cold!

It's just so cold!

Let me touch it.

Wow.

Oh crap.

Must be great to live in this house. There!

Which one?

Yeah, I prefer the lake to the sea...

Really?

Why is that?

Let's go in!

It's the temperature alright?

It's perfect.

Is it?

My hair is... Oh wet!

Ninety year old woman...

She's never worn a bra...

In her whole life...

And her tits are so perfect and they stay up like...

As if she was twenty...

Maybe it's because she never wore a bra.

She never wore a bra and...

That's why! It's no good!

She told me the secret!

She took cold showers all her life.

And when I asked her she actually said:

"What I do in the shower is:

I hold the shower head like that.

I put it on my tits... With cold water...

And I wait until they become blue.

What?

Saggy tits!

Or cold shower!

I'm gonna take some shampoo from your hair.

My tits are getting bigger. I can feel it!

Is it cold?

Do you want some?

Look how big they are growing!

Look.

Cold!

I'm gonna warm you up

I'm drowning!

You are not!

Thank you.

Hey, how is France?

I am on the train. Shall see you in less than 4 hours...

- My suitcase! - Yeah, I think so...

Oh so good!

I think

the new advertisement for pasta should actually be

one where they have two people in bed eating pasta.

Because it's the best food to have after sex obviously...

That's true!

It's gonna stay here forever...

For fifty years.

Just one heart?

Are you crazy?

I don't know if that matches your taste but...

That's so pretty!

What would be awesome would be to sleep on a boat!

You wanna sleep on a boat?

Yeah, you don't dream of doing that?

No I was telling you that I have...

You know when you have... Ants?

You've got a dead hand!

- No! What can we do?!! - Save my hand!!

Stop it!

Why?

You're not convincing when you say it.

I am not.

No!

I am convincing when I say it.

That's not true!

Yeah, look. You're beautiful.

- You're beautiful. - You're beautiful.

You're more beautiful.

I feel like I'm getting lost...

Ah! Now I am seeing the sky!

No, I wanted to sing...

DA DA DA DA DA DA DA help me.

"Quand"

Nanana. Stay with me.

DA DA DA DA DA DA da

DU DU DU DU DU DU DU

You must be around me though. You can't go anywhere! Come on!

I can help you with my voice.

You can't move though!

- I'm not moving! - You can't cheat!

Stop cheating! I'm not cheating!

I love you.

I love you too.

Oh, it looks like you have stars in your eyes. That's beautiful!

I know you are hungry! I know!

Wait, wait, wait...

One second! Come on!

Don't be cheeky!

Loving me...

Whether or not...

You should!

Is it full?

Should I surrender to the craving for you?

Or use the craving for you as my fuel?

Hey

Hi!

I was just passing and I...

I wanted to see you again so...

And I was just wondering if maybe

You would like to have dinner with me at some point?

Yeah, I would love that.

I'd love to cook for you.

Well, try at least...

Tonight?

Yeah...

Yeah, tonight sounds good.

Would 9 p.m. be too late or?

No, 9 is perfect.

No, it's good.

Sorry

This is my address.

Hope you can read it!

Thanks.

Cool.

See you tonight then?

Yeah... See you tonight.

Bye.

Yeah, I do! I miss her a lot but...

Really?

Yeah.

When I'm not like...

Yeah...

But...

But I know it's over...

It's a good thing that it's over at the same time.

Yeah...

Yeah.

You're not trying to get rid of someone?

No.

Did someone really matter?

No.

That's kind of a good thing cause...

You know, it's kind of exhausting and...

What's exhausting?

Relationships.

It's been a while since I had a last important relationship

What was your longest?

Two years.

Stupid boyfriend.

I've had a really hard time...

Looking for...

A girl

A girl to go out with... So...

Am I the girl you...

You're the first girl I've ever gone out with.

Really?

Yeah.

And.

Since the first time I saw you.

I couldn't help but think.

I want to kiss that girl so bad.

What happens when you start losing sense of reality?

When you cannot tell what's real from what's unreal?

What is it?

Close your eyes.

Okay.

Open your hand.

Open your eyes.

Like it?

I love you.

Getting lost in the empty silence of my world.

Just these walls to witness my apathetic state.

Empty, alone, uninspired.

No direction, no path.

Day, night, light, darkness...

Nothing carries any meaning.

Empty words like my heart melting the moment I write them down.

I reach out my invisible hand to you.

You that can't see me.

You that can't feel me.

You don't want to do something else?

We haven't been doing anything for days.

I kind of need to go out right now.

I don't feel like I can do anything.

Great.

So how do you plan on staying lethargic like this?

Another week?

A month?

The whole year?

No? No idea.

Nice.

I don't know what to do with my life.

You think this is helping?

You could start with doing something.

Maybe it will trigger some life or I don't know.

Nothing can help

because I can't find what I want to find.

So what do we do now?

We just stay on the bed looking

in the void forever?

I can't find a fucking reason...

I can't find a reason...

Reason for what?

I can't find my motivation.

It's just like

Well, maybe if you'd stop...

Dead...

What?

It's dead.

What is dead?

I don't know... My passion is dead.

I don't know. You need to move. You need to do something.

It's getting really frustrating.

I've been watching you like this...

I just can't...

Do you hear me?

Yes, I hear you!

So why are you not reacting?

Did you get what I was saying?

Yes, I did.

But don't start crying.

I mean, it's not...

It doesn't always have to deal with your feelings.

I'm just asking you to do something with our life.

To just enjoy a bit... I don't know.

I don't understand what's going on in my brain anymore.

Cannot deny nor accept it.

You start feeling like you don't exist.

Or like the world around you doesn't exist.

All you're left with are your thoughts.

Nothing else exists.

Nothing else matters.

Nothing else makes any sense.

It is the void and the filled at the same time.

No matter how much sense you try to make out of your pain...

It will still keep not making any sense.

You won't let your wounds heal.

You can't let your wounds heal.

They will help you get to the core of things.

Bring up the truth.

What is the truth?

Anna?

I'm leaving.

I've got to go. I'm sorry.

What do you mean?

I mean I'm leaving.

I'm getting out of London.

Don't want to come back here.

I told you.

You are not really leaving?

Yes, I am.

Sorry.

You can't leave.

Yeah.

I love you.

I love you too.

But I need to love myself now.

Sorry.

Robyn!

Robyn!

Robyn please!

No Anna!

No no no!

Please don't do this... Please don't do this...

No. Stop it!

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it!

- Don't fucking do this! - Stop it!

- You love me! - Stop it!

Let me go.

What happens when you start losing sense of reality?

When you get sucked up into this crazy spiral

and you don't know how to get out anymore?

Because you can't help it.

You just can't.

No, no, no, no!

Oh my God!

You're such a coward!

I will never be...

Tired of telling you that you're the most beautiful in the world.

Will I?

If you repeat it all the time, maybe you will...

And you will find another shrimp...

I don't think I am gonna find another shrimp...

Do you think you're going to find another shark?

Not a white one...

Not a big white!

I don't like that answer.

Cause it implies you would find a different shark.

No, I'm saying if I have to find another shark

it's never going to be at your level of sharkness.

Stop it.

So who's the best kisser?

Can I have another one?

You don't want to write right now?

I mean, isn't it inspiring?

It inspires me to write an erotic novel.

And I'm not sure that's what I want to do as a writer.

What do you want to do as a writer?

Dig deeper.

Well, I just don't get what you

find so beautiful in London that it's better to write.

I don't think I have found it yet.

What do you mean? The place to write?

I think it's the drama that's missing.

Are you saying to write a drama

your life needs to be...

Dramatic?

Yeah

But, no!

I mean, if your character is cutting her wrist you are not gonna cut yours

To be able to describe it

There's things you need to imagine!

How can I...

Write something truthfully...

- If I haven't experienced it on my skin? - So then it's an autobiography, right?

You're writing about your life

- No? - I wouldn't call it that.

You're writing fiction, right?

So fiction doesn't need to happen.

I can't write something that I don't know.

But, that's what's called imagination

I can't do that and hope...

So what are you writing about?

What are you writing about?

You just have yourself left.

So it's just about you.

It's not about the world or a story?

I am trying to write about what I feel.

Yeah, but I don't see the link with the place.

Cause I'm offering you

the opportunity of doing something new.

I don't know why you'rejecting it!

Cause you're stuck on the idea of staying there.

I am not rejecting it. I think you're right.

Maybe I should really be open to the idea of...

Doing something different...

Moving here... Staying with you...

I don't want to force you but I'm just...

I don't know. It's just that I didn't get...

- You're not forcing me. - I didn't get...

What you said about...

Yeah, you have to live something to write it and...

Are you going to write about me, then?

I'm going to write about love

and how beautiful it is to be in love

With the woman you love.

That's it.

Making love to the woman you love.

Cooking with the woman you love.

Interesting book?

Well...

Interesting to live, maybe not to read.

Maybe that's the difference.

That's exactly what I think.

So I think you get me.

So you have to imagine something inside that...

But you don't want to live a tragedy. Do you?

I wouldn't wish to.

So you can imagine the tragedy.

Can't you?

You said my Italian was bad!

No, come on, I didn't say that!

Yeah, you said it!

Then I retreat!

Come on, say it again. It was so sweet!

You are the most beautiful in the world!

I am crazy about you!

S. Giovanni's church!

You are so full of nonsense!

It's so not true!

Oh, God.

What?

I didn't do anything...

This is not the historic centre...

I think it's gonna fall..

You have to give it to me.

I did drink some wine yes?

Yeah...

Do you want my help?

You know what? Shall I remind you,

if you were there

you wouldn't be able to help me if I was to climb up...

I would throw away my bedsheets!

Your hair.

Oh, starting to see the stars...

I think we can see them even more from our place.

Cause there's no light around

So it's going to be great.

So, this is basically where we're going to live.

Are you ready for the visit?

Yes, I am.

So it needs a little bit of tidying

but this is basically the living room.

Oh God, it's my dream house!

This is the secret place! Yeah, I knew it!

You can build whatever you want here!

So you like it?

Shall I buy it then?

Sounds like a dream. Yes!

- How much is it going to cost? - I'm sure I don't even have to buy it...

No one would notice.

- You just move in here - Yeah I just move in

- Just start renovating it. - Yeah. What do you think?

I think it's perfect.

I think your plan is just going to go smoothly.

- Nobody is going to say anything! - Yeah, no one will ever notice.

I can picture you with your hat

sitting on the grass,

Smoking...

And writing.

Yeah. With that in the mouth as well.

I knew you would say that!

So maybe I would move here after all.

I cannot live without me.

No, I can't live without you.

I'm just trying not to think of anything else, but this.

Yeah, I think that's the thing to do.

What?

Have you seen anyone else?

During this time?

No. Honestly, I haven't.

Have you?

I tried.

On how many dates did you go then?

One was enough.

Alright.

How was she?

Not my type.

I love this wind.

Yeah. It's so perfect!

I am wearing trousers!

Are you being serious?

Yeah...

Hang on, hang on!

There's nobody around!

I must have said this before at some point but...

What were you gonna say?

I don't want this moment to end...

I'm gonna

make you stick

- To What? - Here!

- To this thing? - Yeah.

In a way that I won't fall?

In a way that you're going to stay here forever.

It's funny. Just your nose is red!

I know...

- Yours is a little bit as well... - yeah, I know, like...

Here! It's really weird.

It's the sunglasses..

Attractive...

What?

Attractive noses.

Yeah.

They are meant for each other.

Maybe we are.

It's so nice...

I know, so nice...

So different.

I've made you discover

somewhere you didn't even know.

- In your own country... - That I should have known...

You ashamed?

I'm not ashamed.

Should I be ashamed?

What?

Nothing...

Come on say it.

I'm gonna miss you!

Come with me.

It's tempting...

Come with me!

Don't leave me

You are leaving me

I'm not moving anywhere...

That's true!

I'm sticking to this spot.

Let's stick to this together.

Okay. It sounds good...

It sounds like a plan...

I don't think I will be able to leave.

I don't wanna be able to leave.

So just...

Don't!

Goddamn you!

Hello!

Hey! What are you up to?

You look so hot!

Thanks!

What trousers are these?

These are psychedelic.

So coffee, tea, beer?

Yes, please. Beer.

What do you want to eat?

Noodles? Strawberries?

No, I'm good.

Alright.

Fuck I've got so fat. I swear to God!

I still haven't booked that photo shoot!

You always say that you got fat.

You are still the same to be honest!

No, I'm always fat.

Alright. Let's go.

What would you think if I sang out of tune

would you stand up and walk out on me?

Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song and I'll try not to sing out of key.

I'm a loser

and I'm not what I appear to be.

- I forgot that chord! - Yeah, it's was so cool.

You were doing like damn.

Damn.

Just do that.

Yes. That's it! Okay, cool!

Let me go back!

Dolly'll never go away again.

Who's the hottest woman on the planet?

- Me! Me! Me! - You are!

I'm a quite hot, actually.

That's so good! Let's stick to this one!

I know the thoughts that surround you.

Cause I can look inside your head.

Well, except for that bit at the end I think it was ok.

Thank you!

- Fuck! - Bitch!

You messing up my coke?

Oh God!

Oh shit!

It's not making things up!

- It's what I feel! - Cause you're living in your fantasy Anna!

- Oh yeah! - This is not reality!

Hey

Have you ever ridden a motorbike at 100 miles per hour?

And found yourself thinking...

What if the end was here?

And then wondered whether you'd have been lucky enough

To think the same again and tell someone about it

And then thought:

"Maybe at the end of the day it wouldn't make any difference..."

Maybe...

"At the end of the day the thought of that is not that scary."

And then looked at yourself from the outside and thought:

"This cannot be my life!"

Nobody's going to come and save you!

Scattered thoughts.

One writes in the desperate attempt to get to the core of things

It is a mere illusion there is no core of things

Everything is relative. There is no such thing as the truth...

I write in the hope to find some clarity

Yet it gets shadier and shadier...

You want to continue writing?

No, I am fine. I don't want to write.

Do you still love me?

Yes, of course.

I just feel very lonely.

But I'm here.

I feel like I'm such a failure.

It's not true Anna.

I mean, look at me. All these years and I haven't fucking...

I kept making promises to you... I kept saying...

And what makes me feel even worse is that you even believed in me...

- You even thought that I... - I still do.

I don't know how you can

I don't even know how you can fucking be close to me.

How can you even be with me?

I would be so fucking disgusted if I were you.

I wouldn't even want to be close to me!

To myself.

Maybe put things in perspective, or just...

Cause you're not doing things

which are good for you and I don't like to see you like this.

What's the alternative?

You keep saying you want to have a future with me.

Yeah

And I can't give you a future. I can't give you shit. What can I give you?

Fucking...

This fucking rubbish.

What is it going to be?

Where is it gonna go?

Maybe try something else, I don't know.

Like what?

Something that makes you happy.

But that's the whole point.

Does that make you happy?

There is nothing that makes me happy...

I can't think of anything

- That makes me happy. - Of course there is!

Because I don't see the fucking point in anything.

But is writing helping you to see the point?

It's not but...

That's the reason why I write...

Cause I try to find the point.

Try...

To get a bit out of that... I dunno just have fun!

I can't get fucking out of my brain, can I?

How do I get out of my brain?

How do I shut it?

By living instead of writing all the time

and being enclosed on your own feelings.

I can't shut it down.

And I can't enjoy...

I can't enjoy being with you

just simply doing stuff the way we used to because

I am tormented by

how I'm going to

offer you something nice.

And I can't...

I can't give you a fucking thing.

I can't give you shit.

But you still love me?

I love you, but I don't know how to make you happy.

I don't know how to make...

It seems pretty simple!

I don't know how to offer you happiness.

I don't know how to give you the life I want to give you.

I don't know how to do that.

I've never loved anyone the way I love you.

I've never even been in love before.

But I don't want to see you miserable because of me,

because of my craziness, because of my madness.

And I can't fucking stop it.

I can't tell myself to just be

happy, enjoying the sunshine and do things and and...

But why?

I don't fucking know that! Because I'm sick!

I can't just do what normal people do...

And be okay with that.

And you should be hating me for that.

You shouldn't even want to be with me because of that.

And I don't know how you do it.

I don't know why you are still here...

I don't know how you can even stand the sight of me.

I remember being a teenager,

I started suffering from depression and shit

and I started having suicidal thoughts.

And the minute I gave up

Yeah, the conviction that I had to make something

out of myself in order to make somebody else happy

was the moment that I freed myself...

And I stopped being suicidal.

And so writing is

what actually saved me from...

Wanting to die.

You have no idea...

Writing came before you! As much as I love you!

What if you didn't exist?

Would I be...

Dead?

Because I don't have anything to hang on to.

I can't even reply to that.

Do you see yourself?

- Do you hear yourself? - Yes.

You don't understand my dissatisfaction

and I can't understand how you cannot understand.

Just tell me what's your goal in life?

I wish I could tell you.

Isn't the goal to be happy?

I don't know how to be happy

because I can't just be happy at the snap of a finger.

I can't just be happy because I eat some fucking Nutella.

I can't just be happy because

I can't just be happy because I wake up and see you even though

you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

So love doesn't even make you happy?

I don't know. I feel like love is not enough.

I feel like there's something else.

What? It's an illusion, Anna!

You're creating something that doesn't even exist.

I don't know what you're talking about.

It doesn't even exist.

Everything exists and nothing exists.

Everything exists only in your brain.

- What exists and what doesn't exist? - Stop playing with words!

I am not playing with words!

What the fuck exists?

- I mean, everything - But right now exists!

- Nothing else exists! - Everything you want

Right now you're just messing up with your life.

When you think of something,

that fucking thing you're thinking about is existing in your brain.

And nobody can tell you it doesn't exist.

Because if it's real to you, then it's fucking real!

- And who am I? - What are you talking about?

Who am I to say that something

you're feeling is not real because you are feeling it!

So it's fucking real to you!

And this is reality to me!

This is my perception of reality!

That's not reality.

That's making up things.

It's not making things up.

- It's what I feel! - Cause you're living in your fantasy.

- This is not reality! - Oh yes

Maybe the problem is that you're too much in your brain.

You're never here then!

You're seeing the world through

your own tortured soul and that's it.

It's not the real world!

No.

The real world is fairy tales and beautiful sunsets.

Why do you feel the urge to be so complicated?

It's not really a choice, you know?

Of course it is.

Right?

Okay

Maybe you're right. Maybe it is a choice.

Where is my cigarette?

It's like you're doing it on purpose?

You like being like this...

You like being in?

Maybe I do.

Maybe it's a thing.

It think we should start seeing other people

maybe we should start seeing other people.

What if what you thought was going to kill you

Turned out to be the most important event in your life?

Dear Anna, thank you very much for sending us your novel "Borderline".

We found the rawness and honesty

in your depiction of such an intimate story

Framed by the aspiring writer's struggle

to express their true creative voice really gripping

And would love to have a meeting with you

to discuss the publication of your novel.

Please let us know a convenient

time and date for you to come and meet with us.

I wish you all the best with your endeavours

while I eagerly await your response.

Sincerely, Mark Wilson.