Original subtitles

Welcome to Sexual Response.

I'm Dr. Eve Robinson.

Hi, Dr. Robinson.

This is Joan from Beverly Hills.

I'm a little nervous.

Okay, Joan. Take a deep breath. How can I help you?

It's about my husband.

We've been married for 13 years.

That's nice.

We have a good marriage. We really do.

I believe you.

It's just that I'm... I'm considering having an affair.

That's a good marriage?

Well, I don't know is about denial, Joan. I think you do know.

I feel like we're strangers.

Dig deeper.

But he doesn't share his feelings with me.

He doesn't care.

We hardly make love anymore.

So you want to make love with someone else to take away the hurt, right? Fred,

we did menstruation two weeks ago. Now, don't force your obsession with

gynecology down my throat. We got a potential lawsuit in two. Hold on.

Oh, I'm so confused.

I don't know what to do.

I don't think I love him anymore.

This should be juicy.

Joan, you're going to have to issue an ultimatum. How?

If he wants to keep you, then he's going to have to grow.

But he doesn't respond well to criticism. You're goddamn right I don't,

babe. Especially not at rush hour on the 405. Listen to my personal inadequacies

described in full detail on the mother... Ted? You've lost your mind,

dear. You've finally gone over the goddamn defense.

Well, Joan's husband, Ted, has joined us on the air.

How can I help you?

I don't need your help, Dr. Berkowitz.

Robinson. And my wife, Joan, doesn't need your help either. What the hell are

you doing, dear? Have you completely gone nuts? Who else am I going to talk

to? You can talk to me, you know.

I think Joan can speak to him whenever she wishes. That's right.

If you have an affair, babe, I'll kill you.

Let me remind you that crimes of passion are illegal in this state.

Look, one more beep and I'll cut you both off the air.

Now, there was a time when the two of you were in love, right?

I don't know.

Yeah, yeah.

All right. Fine, fine.

Okay, so tonight I want you both to sit down together and look into each

other's eyes and think about that time and think about all the love you have

left to share.

I'm Dr. Eve Robinson, and this has been Sexual Response.

Studio. I'm sorry, but the show's over. We're through taking colas.

Oh, ha, ha.

Very funny, Philip.

I'm afraid I'm busy tonight. I'm taking your wife out for a drink.

Bye, you.

You know, you're a real bitch, Kate.

Putting an abusive husband on the air with a fragile wife, that's bad

psychology. But it's outstanding talk radio.

You know, these people's problems are real. They don't just go away when we're

off the air.

Oh, lighten up. I bet the two of them will have great sex tonight.

Christ, you'll never change. Neither do you, Professor.

And that's why we've been the number one talk show of the past five years. Four

years. We've only been on the air four years.

So...

What do you think of Peter?

As opposed to who?

Steve? Mike?

Jake? So sweet, isn't he?

You change engineers more than I change underwear.

You don't know anything about men.

I understand men completely. They call me every day for advice.

All theory, Dr. Robinson.

I suppose you're going to put that theory into action, right?

Right.

I hope you're practicing safe sex.

We've exchanged medical histories and he's tested negative.

Besides, I'm always prepared.

We have here, we have texture, day glow, mood.

Stop it.

Why don't you buy him a drink?

Sweet, isn't he?

I gotta hit the freeway. Can't stay up past your bedtime?

Look, I've got a lot of reading to do if I'm gonna convince my publishers Masters

and Johnson were wrong. Right.

And Philip likes an early dinner.

I want to go home.

I'm jealous.

Philip's really got you by the balls, doesn't he? I'm telling you, Eve, your

husband... You're repeating yourself.

I'm your only friend.

I think I can fend for myself.

Yeah, I love you too.

Hi, Eve. It's your mother. I hope you're coming to see us for Thanksgiving. We

all miss you here in Iowa.

Take care, honey.

Bud Chambers.

Charles Bud Chambers.

I'll catch you later.

Yeah.

I'll catch you.

A beefy stock clerk who was serving ten years in a Ventura County prison for the

beating death of his young wife... escaped from his cell this Tuesday,

sometime before dawn.

Authorities in the area have issued a statewide manhunt for Grant Morton, who

is also suspected of the beating death of two Los Angeles protesters.

Hi, honey. You said you were going to be late.

I just couldn't stand to be away from you for one more moment.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I meant to pick you up. I wasn't expecting you home so

soon.

For you.

They're beautiful.

So how was your day?

Magnificent.

I located the perfect investment up in Ohio.

200 acres.

Dirt cheap.

Allow me?

With the economy the way it is, don't you think we should be saving our money?

Absolutely not.

Buy low, sell high.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Give me some baby's breath.

You know, a wild thing happened at work today.

This woman calls in.

Tells me she's in a bad marriage.

The husband, obviously an abuser. She's on the verge of having an affair.

Perfect.

Hello.

Thank you.

You know anything?

Hi.

Thank you for your advice, Dr. Robinson.

We really looked into each other's eyes last night. It was so romantic, but...

What's your point, Joan? We made love all night.

I climaxed five times.

That's very impressive.

Isn't it? But one night of ecstasy is no substitute for true happiness. What do

you mean?

It was great. Maybe you should try... This is Dr. Eve Robinson.

Sexual response.

How about dysfunction in the married man?

No, Fred, I wasn't referring to you personally.

Well, how about... Oh, I've got it. How about masturbation?

Yeah, I thought you'd like that.

How many general managers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. General managers don't know how to screw.

You're in a pissy mood. I'm all right.

How's the book coming along?

Fine.

Philip? Great.

There must be something. Stop it, Kate. There's nothing wrong.

I think there is.

You remembered.

You can run, but you can't hide.

Apparently not.

Cheer up. You've finally hit your sexual peak.

At least, that's what you tell your callers.

Go on, open it.

Thanks, Kate, but it's really not my style.

What style?

Would you look at yourself? It's about time you got some style.

You think if I wore this would get better ratings? No, but you might get

laid more often, Miss Priss.

Please. Come on, when is the last time you got laid? Last week?

Last month?

I'm leaving.

Last year?

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

You're so sneaky.

Come on, let's go blow out those candles. We can burn this place down.

And I don't look as gay over 34.

Yeah.

We should blow them out.

All right.

Make a wish.

Okay.

Brat.

Mode 82.3 is by 7.2. Clear skies tonight with a low near 7.

Studio.

Sorry, darling, but I can't help you with your sexual problems.

It's your wife's business.

She just left.

What an asshole.

What an ass.

How you doing, Eve?

Hi, Jack. Martini?

No, I'll take a screwdriver.

You got it.

Where's Kate?

She'll be in there.

You know, I'll bet you're a model.

Not quite.

Then you ought to be. You have, uh, classic beauty.

Thank you.

Hey, uh, see your drink's about half full. Hey, Jack, come on over here. Get

us another drink, will ya?

I'm fine, really.

No, no, no, no.

What's the hurry, babe?

We got all night.

Get your hand off me.

I can't believe you're copping such an attitude.

What is it? A cervical cap on too tight?

You know, ordinarily, I'd take the time to delve into such an extreme case of

arrested adolescence.

But you're such an obvious asshole, it wouldn't be worth it.

Bitch.

Hey.

Care to dance?

Yeah.

Hey, uh, hey.

I'll bet you're a model.

He can be a real drag sometimes.

You know him?

He's a good friend of mine.

You see, one of us hits on the girl.

She gets all riled up, and the other swoops into the rescue.

Works every time.

I could be dancing with him.

Mm-mm.

I paid him off this time.

It's getting late.

Then you better get going.

Yeah.

Well, thanks for rescuing me.

Anytime.

So... So?

Thanks again.

Tough guy.

Put on a big show in there for the little lady.

How are you one-on-one?

You forgot your jacket.

Thanks, Chuck.

So, how'd you know she wouldn't go for me?

I didn't.

Happy birthday, Parson. Thanks, honey.

I have something for you.

For you, sweetheart.

Mayan. Yeah, not only Mayan, 18th century Mayan.

It'd go great on the top shelf.

Look at you. When I first met you, you wouldn't have known the difference

between Mayan and Michelangelo.

Philip, let's have a party.

We're having a party. I mean have some friends over.

Friends? A party, you know.

Music? Dancing?

Dancing.

Of course.

Let's dance.

Now,

what's your step? What's your step? Up, up.

All right.

You're sunny.

See? A little kick left.

Not bad for an old fart, eh?

You know, we stopped at Carl's and Charlie's after work for a drink today.

This ridiculous man actually thought I was a model.

Anyway, then this nice young man came over and... You know,

that would look much better on the foyer table.

Don't you agree?

I agree that's wonderful, but the fact that he's giving you multiple orgasms

doesn't excuse the emotional and physical abuse you're taking.

Yeah, I know you're right, but every time he takes off his shirt, it makes me

wet. I want a cream, that son of a bitch. Karen, you've got a problem if

you're willing to stay in an abusive relationship.

Go out and buy yourself a vibrator. It doesn't beat you, and it doesn't leave

the toilet seat up. Thanks for calling.

Edge from Los Angeles. You're on sexual response.

Hello, Dr.

Robinson.

Is that Mr. Edge?

Just Edge.

Your voice sounds familiar. Have we talked before?

I'm a first-time caller.

Okay. How can I help you?

I saw this incredibly beautiful woman the other day at a bar.

We didn't say anything.

We just stared at each other.

The next day, I saw her there again.

We danced.

Was it a slow dance?

Yeah.

Very slow.

I can still feel her soft body pressed against me.

Doesn't sound too bad.

Yeah,

except she didn't even tell me her name.

She broke it off suddenly and left.

That is a problem, then.

She was scared, Doctor.

Very scared.

But I know there's something real between us, and I know she's feeling it,

too.

I only had the chance to see her, to talk to her, to touch

her. I suggest you go back to the bar, Edge.

Who knows?

She may be already waiting for you there.

Now what?

Getting off the bike would be a good start.

What kind of danger is living down here?

Yeah, I like danger.

Interesting.

You know, my undergraduate degree was art history.

I was in love with the phobists.

These are... These are sort of seagull-esque.

Only more intense.

Darker.

You're staring at me again.

Ever since I first saw you, you've been staring.

Morning, Lisa.

You know, Da Vinci was commissioned to paint some rich man's wife.

She wasn't as pretty... as you are.

He threw some oils.

Came up with Mona Lisa.

I... I'm no Da Vinci.

I can't seem to get past.

Let's find the way.

Eve? Itch?

Hey.

You better put that out. It's gonna stunt your growth.

Yes, Mom.

You know every day I tell people what to do, you know?

What not to do.

This is what I tell them not to do.

Look, you're very handsome.

You're very talented.

You're very young.

And you're very merry.

Phillip?

I'm sorry, dear. I should have called.

I was worried sick about you.

I guess I lost track of time.

I was imagining all kinds of horrible things happening to you.

I'm all right.

Yeah.

It's good to have you home in one piece.

I guess I'll head upstairs and good night, dear.

You look pretty. Particularly beautiful this evening.

Philip? Philip, what is it? I thought I heard something outside.

Do you see anything?

Stay here.

What was it?

Nothing to worry about.

Just a stray animal.

I put out some poison in the morning.

Hmm.

Getting late.

Sorry, hon?

Oh, I just need to be up in Ojai by 11 o'clock, and it's getting a little bit

late.

I'll see you for dinner, then.

No, I don't think I'll make it by 8.30, actually.

So it wouldn't wait up for me.

Have a productive day.

What is that?

Nothing to worry about, Puzzle.

Just a little surprise for last night's guests.

Eve, would you come here, please?

So, this is your stray animal. Philip, I have no idea what this means. I'm not

leaving you here alone. Don't cancel your trip, Philip.

I'm sure it's some caller's idea of a joke.

Here.

Bloody money we pay to that security company to look after this place.

They still have people coming in over the bloody fence.

You know, Eve, you really do have a gorgeous body.

If I find the guy that made that statue, I'll shoot the son of a bitch myself.

Bye, Eve.

Bye, Philip.

Take care of yourself.

Okay. Come back. You surety.

Go away and take that thing with you.

Who do you think you are creeping around my house in the middle of the night?

How am I supposed to explain that, huh?

Just tell him it was sexual response. What?

Sexual response.

Shut up.

How did you get my address?

Information.

We're unlisted.

Yeah. I followed you home.

You know, you really got a lot of nerve.

Do I get to kiss the bride?

You're unbelievable.

It's 18th century.

I'll make you an 18th century one.

I'll make you an 18th century lunch.

Grapes.

I need you.

It's a great place.

My hideout.

I had a hideout when I was a kid.

Out in the woods behind our house.

I used to go out there for hours and dream about the world.

We're from a small town, so you can imagine the adventures that went through

my head.

Then it would get dark.

My mother would call us for dinner.

Sounds like things haven't changed much.

Yeah.

You know, when I met Philip, he was so different.

He was literally from another world. I mean... I'm talking too much.

So, where are you from?

I don't know.

A lot of places. I moved around a lot.

What about your family?

Dad.

I really don't like to talk about it, okay?

Sounds like you have a lot of unresolved issues.

I'm not one of your callers, Dr. Robinson.

I was just trying to get to know you better. Why? So you can shrink my head,

too?

Okay.

I understand.

No, you don't understand.

What's for dessert?

I guess we'll have to improvise.

I'll be in touch.

Well, don't go. Why do you have to leave?

I got work to do.

Listen,

if there's something in the house I really could use your help with, would

you mind, please?

I really gotta go.

Please.

You want to do dessert?

Then you're gonna get dessert.

Calorie-free, you know. Fat-free.

Nutrient-free.

Try some.

Try it.

That's good, huh?

I'm sure you must have something.

How about some chocolate sauce?

Strawberry syrup?

Whipped cream's good. My favorite.

Try it?

Hello. Hi, sweetheart.

Philip.

Is everything okay?

Nothing's wrong, is it?

No, I was sleeping.

I must have been dreaming.

I can't make it back from Ohio. Is that okay with you?

Yeah. Okay.

Look, do me a favor. Will you keep the gun by the bed? Oh, all right. See you

tomorrow. Love you. I'll see you then. I love you too.

Edge Edge

Edge?

What are you doing? Put that away.

Philip's quite the headhunter, isn't he?

Come on, let's just go.

What if there were an accident one day?

What if Philip's cleaning his gun and he just accidentally shoots himself?

That's not funny. What's wrong?

Need the gun by your bed, possum?

His pumping is gone as usual.

But he accidentally sticks it where he shouldn't. Stop it!

He wouldn't keep it loaded now, would he?

I want you to leave.

Now!

Stay still!

Sorry. Come on, open up, Bean.

Leave me alone.

You don't really mean that.

You don't want me to leave.

Oh, God.

Do you, possum?

Go away.

Please, go away.

Lying to your husband only breeds mistrust, Yvonne. But I can't help it.

I'm addicted to this guy.

Well, you better be ready to sacrifice your marriage because that's where

you're headed.

She's on a roll today. Give her somebody interesting.

Got it, boss.

Edge from Los Angeles.

Remember me, Dr. Robinson?

How could I forget?

The woman I told you about last time.

I saw her again.

Flasher on two.

I talked to her. I touched her.

That's called a one-night stand.

No, no. It's become much more than that.

Much more.

I can tell you about it if you want.

You sure you're not deluding yourself?

I know that she doesn't care about her husband.

Don't jump to conclusions.

And I know that she wants me as much as I want her.

You still there, Doctor? I'm here.

Good.

Because there's only one thing standing between us.

I'm going to do something about it.

Go to commercial.

Morning.

Sex was so good, you forgot how to talk?

Eve, come on. We're in the middle of a show.

Okay, so you're having an affair and you feel ashamed.

Not yet.

But believe me, you'll get over it.

He forced himself on me last night.

It's not your fault.

I wanted it.

He stole Philip's gun.

Let's call the police.

We can't.

What about the show, The Press and Crucifiers? Oh, fine.

Let the fucker walk the streets and rape somebody else. Or you again.

The only thing I'm worried about, Kate, is getting that gun back before Philip

comes home tonight.

Are you insane?

Don't you realize you're walking straight into a trap?

Do you have a better idea?

Call him. Tell him you'll meet him anywhere but his place.

Now you want me to see him?

No, no. Blow him off.

By the time he's come and gone, I'll have the gun.

The only thing you're standing without, are you? Sorry.

If you'd met me at the bar like I asked.

Too many people.

You don't trust me, do you?

Did you mean what you said on the radio this morning?

Every word.

About my husband.

You're crazy.

At least I'm not deluding myself, doctor.

What do you want, a medal?

You're talking about killing my husband.

Oh, quit pretending you care about him so much.

This is what you want, isn't it? You shouldn't have taken it. You needed to

be taught a lesson. And what's that?

You don't love him. You're scared of him.

Edge, wait.

Please. Leave me alone.

Nice neighborhood. Come on, let's go.

Oh, wait.

You didn't tell me anything about dinner. Oh, so what? This is disgusting.

So we're just going to climb up the fire escape. It's no big deal. What?

Come on.

I think it's probably the easiest way to get up there anyway. Can you give me a

hand? Why don't you wait here? It could get hairy. Look, don't give me any of

that macho crap. Okay, all right. Listen, why don't you stay here with the

car so no one steals the stereo? It's a real nice thing.

Third floor now. Make it quick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, lady.

Got some change you can spare?

Oh, I'm really sorry, but I didn't bring any.

How about this?

It's all I've got.

Sorry.

Something wrong or something?

Oh, no. Everything's fine. Thanks.

Wait a minute. Just hold it right there.

You're letting me slip from a 20.2 to a 20 share?

You're giving me a hard time on what allows a goddamn .2 to share?

I don't believe it. Let me just remind you of something. When you produced the

show, I seem to remember that the share was at a 5.6 average.

What? My best trumpet.

Yeah, I know.

I don't know this stuff.

I don't know him.

Come on, move.

God, what's the upholstery?

Oh, come on. What's that?

It's Kate.

You've got it? How?

Tell me something.

Was Philip ever married before?

Forget it. No, nothing. Forget I ever mentioned it.

Just be careful.

Why didn't you tell her?

Let's go.

Philip? What are you doing?

How cute, right? Where it belongs.

Well, you gave it back to me.

Yeah, I gave it back to you, and you didn't even have to ask, did you?

I don't get it. What's wrong?

You sent somebody to break into my studio. That's what's wrong.

I didn't know what to think.

All you do is think. Don't you ever feel anything?

What am I supposed to feel? You threatened to kill my husband for God's

sake. I have my reasons.

Oh, really? And what are your reasons?

Stop it! Oh, relax.

It has nothing to do with you.

an old fella can go back to living happy lives together again.

It's none of your business what I do.

I gave you back the gun.

You didn't have to pretend out there. I wasn't pretending.

I care about you. You betrayed me!

What did I ruin?

This isn't love, Hitch. God, it's insane!

Eve?

What happened?

Sweetheart, what happened to you?

Nothing is so bad you can't tell your husband. I've been having an affair.

I know I should have told you sooner, but... Oh, God, Philip, don't turn your

back on me now.

Haven't I given you everything you've always wanted?

Yes, you give me things, but does he have a name?

That's what I want you to do.

I want you to eat this for me.

It's going to make you feel much, much better.

Come on, sweetheart.

Come on.

That's a girl.

Good girl.

One more. Come on. One more.

Bon Chambers.

Los Angeles.

I believe... Edge?

Thank you.

Is there a dress with that?

Trust me. Trust me. Oh, look who's coming.

Oh, hey, Ed. How you doing, sweets?

I'm pretty hungry.

He's a sick dude.

I got something to satisfy my hunger. Yeah, I'm sure you two do, don't you?

I'll get you a taco instead.

How about you?

Hey, Edge, give me a weekend's fucking bag.

I'd fuck him.

Nice.

I'll fuck you, too, later. Come on, let's go. All right.

Give me the flashlight.

No way.

Philip, what are you doing here? That's where I grabbed the paper. What is he

doing here?

It's always been here. The paper.

Feel it.

Hunting accident claims life.

Look.

Husband arrested and wife's dead.

Ron Chambers freed on bail.

Hey, does that newspaper say anything about a kid? Kid.

Let's see. Oh, shit.

Peter, can you find... Ah, shit.

Would you go find the light switch?

I'm afraid these guys can get back any minute now. So?

So, here. Use that. I'll go find a candle or something.

Oh, here.

Unable to locate any surviving family members, authorities have placed the von

Chambers child in a state institution pending further inquiry.

Meanwhile, an arrest warrant for first-degree murder has been issued for

Charles von Chambers in the death of his wife, Veronica.

A manhunt is in place as he's considered armed and dangerous.

Peter, did you hear that?

Peter? Don't believe everything you read.

If you think you can get away with this again, you're dead wrong.

Wrong? You're dead.

Hi, Possum. I see you've finally developed an appreciation for artists.

Philip, you shall... you shall gate.

Caught in the crossfire.

Such a pity.

It's only Kate's latest paranormal.

Where is it?

Where is he, Philip?

My God, Philip, what have you done with him?

Please tell me.

He made you feel good about yourself.

What did it make you feel, even? Stop it!

You got my invitation?

Yeah. I figured it was you.

So what are you trying to tell me?

Screwing my wife?

You didn't kill me like you did my mother. She cheated on me. She didn't?

What the fuck would you know?

You were just a cat! Yeah, we shot the cat and you lost me!

And? And he hit me and left. I'm sorry, Yvonne. Oh, no, it's okay. Don't worry

about it. It's for the better, anyway.

You're facing the truth head on. I'm proud of you, Yvonne. Yeah, you helped

me face the fact that my husband was a big pig.

You really helped me out a lot, Dr. Robinson. Thank you. Take care.

Next call.

Edge.

How are you?

Well, that woman I told you about, we ran into some rough times.

That's really good news.

Yeah.

I was using her to get back at somebody, and that was wrong.

I'm really sorry I did that.

Well, you've done a lot of thinking.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I have.

I care about her.

I really do.

You think she'll ever believe me?

I think she's lucky to know someone who has the courage you have.

Someone who's honest about his feelings.

I... I feel lucky, too.

Look, I gotta go.

Get well soon.

And let us know how you're doing.

Thanks.

Yeah, thanks, I will.

Thanks for listening.

I'm Dr. Eve Robinson, and this has been Sexual Response.