Original subtitles

Sunnyvale, you're on the air.

Uh, hey Jack, uh, my name is Vern.

Listen, I was just wondering, uh, you know, about mauve therapy.

Uh, what do you think about it, Jack?

Uh, what I think is, Vern, uh, I don't know what the hell mauve therapy is.

Well, Jack, you do know that the different colors affect the energy of your aura.

You know, in terms of personality and stuff.

You're losing me fast, Vern.

Well, Jack, have you ever really thought about

enhancing your own vibrational frequencies?

Uh, not since the night Flo's Duracells went dead, no.

Oh, listen, Jack, we're talking the cutting edge of the new age here.

Cutting edge. Cut me some slack, Sunnyvale.

So long.

Uh, we're gonna be right back after these brief messages.

I'll put you through his private line, Tina.

Call for you, Jack.

That's something new.

Tina Cassidy.

Hi.

A year, and he says hi.

I didn't know we were still talking to each other.

We are tonight.

I need you, Jack.

I'll meet you at Carmen's.

You just made my night.

Bye.

It's still early yet, Jack.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Look at you.

Leon.

Dorado.

Pluto.

Cobra.

Where's Carmen at?

Gone with the wind, Jack.

Gone with the wind.

Llama.

Oh.

Bye.

It's good to see you.

Come on, let's, uh, let's sit down.

Yeah.

It's been a year, you know, I don't want to, uh,

I don't want to say the wrong thing.

Oh, when did anything ever stop you from saying the wrong thing?

Oh, you know, you still, you still know how to hurt a guy.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I think you're the one who walked out on me.

You still love me, Leon?

I never stopped, though.

I'm pregnant.

There's worse news.

There is one complication, small complication.

I tested HIV positive.

How do you tell someone that?

How do you say, oh, by the way,

I tested positive and I'm most likely going to contract AIDS.

I feel like someone's just cancelled the rest of my life.

I met him coming out of the Huntington.

I fell in love in one night.

A man tap danced his way down a flight of stairs.

I know what you must be thinking.

I keep asking myself the same thing.

How could I have been so stupid?

How could I have let this happen?

I know the risks.

No one just goes out and sleeps with a stranger, not anymore.

But I did.

He was that charming.

What did he say when you told him?

Now, this is the hard part.

I can't find him.

His phone's been disconnected and there's no new number.

I checked the address listed in the phone book.

I knew right away as soon as I met his roommate that I was in trouble.

A man named Ross Parker.

Ross told me that Mike had moved out

unexpectedly and left no forwarding address.

It's like he's disappeared off the face of the earth.

You want me to find him for you?

He has the right to know he may be sick.

He has the right to know that he's the father of my unborn baby.

He has the right to be part of the decision.

What decision is that?

Whether or not I'm going to have an abortion.

I need the address.

Ross?

Who are you?

My name's Jack Killian.

I want to find Mike Barnes.

Can you tell me maybe where I can find him?

You want to come in?

Sure.

When was the last time you talked to him?

I've only seen Mike twice in the last two months.

Both times across a crowded room.

By the time I got near him, he was gone.

When did he leave you, Ross?

Two months ago.

When I got really sick.

Mike never even told me.

He just packed his bags and emptied out our joint checking account.

Well, at least he didn't put my furniture out in the street.

I loved Mike to death.

You should pardon the expression.

Hell, maybe I'm not dying of a virus at all.

It's probably just a broken heart.

You know what really hurts?

That he left me to die alone.

I don't think that was very nice at all.

No, it wasn't.

I know this isn't easy, but if you could...

help me in any way...

where he works...

anything.

Mike was a chef at the Stockton Grill before he got fired.

I don't know what he does now.

You know, it's nice just to talk with somebody.

I don't get a lot of company these days.

Hey.

Look, I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.

Sure.

I am curious.

Just what did he do to you?

He took away somebody I loved.

That's rough.

I'm sorry about that.

Maybe God can forgive Mike. I don't think I can.

Oh, boy.

I didn't deserve this.

No, you didn't.

Nobody does.

I'm carrying a little girl.

First, they let me listen...

to her heartbeat...

with a stethoscope.

And then they told me there's a good chance that she will be born infected with AIDS...

or HIV positive.

There's a 50% chance of her being normal.

There's only a 50% chance of her even growing up.

You don't...

You don't want to hear this.

Right now, I need you to tell me what you know, okay?

How else can I make a difference?

The doctor said that...

usually...

infected...

babies are born seemingly well.

The problems start later.

When...

a baby gets AIDS...

she starts losing milestones.

Like...

lifting her head...

or smiling...

or screaming across the floor, or walking, or talking.

You just don't expect your baby...

to stop walking...

and die.

Not able to lift her head, you just don't expect that.

No.

No, it's not fair.

None of it.

Poor little thing will only know...

when you're curing infections...

multiple hospital visits, and terrible pain.

I can't...

It died before my childhood would be there for her.

I was gonna take care of her.

I'd do everything I could, you know that.

I love you for that.

An abortion...

goes against everything I believe in.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself.

How you doing?

Hey, pretty good.

What can I get for you?

Beer. Whatever you got.

Two, maybe three months ago...

this guy was in here.

This is Jack Kelly, the Nighthawk, on KJCM Radio.

98.3 on your FM dial.

KJCM, did I call her?

What's your first name, what do you call her?

I don't know.

When the sun got taken

Out of nowhere

When the black clouds faded

Boy, you were really good.

You were the one.

You really?

Yeah.

Hi.

Have I mentioned the fact that you can eat quiche in my bed anytime?

Quiche in my bed?

I'm, uh, looking for a man.

Aren't we all?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

Hasn't been in much lately.

Kelly!

Must be my lucky night.

Every time Harrison fixes me up with a guy, it's heaven.

And?

This guy's dropped off the edge of the world.

Yeah, so?

So, give me a way to find him.

Why, who are you?

I'm...

I'm just a concerned citizen.

What are you concerned about?

His name is Mike Barnes.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but he's...

He's an AIDS carrier.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow, he didn't even tell me his last name.

I mean, we did some poppers, uh...

We smoked a little grass.

Grass?

He bragged about cruising the leather bars in the Castro, but I...

I thought he was only kidding.

He wasn't kidding.

So, what do I do now?

If I were you, I'd go get tested.

Yeah, well, I don't think I want to do that.

I don't think I want to know.

In a way, I understand, but...

What about the damage you might be doing to others?

Who ever thought about the damage that they were doing to me?

That's not the answer.

Look, Kelly, can you give me a clue as to where I might find this guy?

No, not right now.

It's important.

Okay, okay.

If you remember anything else that he said to you,

just please call me, all right?

Yeah.

You know any guys over the years have written their numbers on matchbook covers?

Only they've never been there when I called back.

I made a little rule, okay?

I call them once.

You screw it up, that's your problem.

My name's Jack Killian, and I'll be there.

Jack Killian, the radio guy?

Well, I'm Kelly West, Jack.

Any other night?

Would have been a pleasure.

Nothing is going to be as hard as this.

Nothing, not even dying.

You know, there was a time that I used to let myself dream that someday

you and I would have like six kids and we would

grow old together behind some Norman Rockwell.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Why?

For loving me?

For being my best friend?

For not knowing how to make this better.

You promised me something, just don't quit on me.

Thank you for holding me.

Thank you for touching me.

Not more than anything.

There's gonna be so many ways to fail you.

Just stay close to me, Jack.

And don't ever let me go.

Just like that?

Not even a hello or pull me a draft?

Been a long night.

Three months ago, I closed the iron door on this guy.

I haven't seen him since then.

Why'd you bar him from the club?

Look, we 86 irresponsible cruisers like

Mike Barnes, we've had too many friends die.

Finding him has been like trying to nail jello to the wall, you know what I mean?

Well, look, a lot of guys make themselves over as they go along in this town.

And then this thing comes into town, Podunk, Poughkeepsie, one of those places.

Changes his name, starts fresh here, rewrites the movie script of his life.

And after that, after that, every night's New Year's Eve.

Why do people keep walking around, acting like they can do

anything they damn please and it's not gonna catch up to them?

You always ask us many questions.

Maybe I just want to understand.

A man's education is a lifetime of learning, pal.

We're talking about political statements, personal liberation.

You can understand that.

Mike Barnes left his lover to die alone, you know, that's some political statement.

And I got a friend who's probably gonna die of AIDS because of Mike Barnes.

Now, where is the liberation in that? You tell me.

Look, I understand your anger because we go through it every single day.

Mike Barnes is an exception, an aberrant.

Not the rest of us.

So.

Three, two.

This is Jack Killian, the Nighthawk on KJCM Radio, 98.3 on your FM dial.

Show is a midnight caller.

Tonight.

Tonight.

I want to talk about AIDS.

About the disease's geometric progression and how this epidemic can be controlled.

Now, what all this means is that we're gonna have to talk about some things that

are difficult, not love or romance, but carnal knowledge in the era of AIDS.

Personal manners like promiscuity, abstinence, acknowledging that there are

still people out there who refuse to be tested because they don't want to know.

Sexual obsessives who deny the fact of the disease and practice unsafe sex.

Hey, Mike.

Hey, how you doing?

Hi, Mike.

Our first caller is from Pacific Heights, and it is Kevin.

You're on the air.

Jack, it's about time someone spoke up, you know.

Now, my feeling is we should take these people and put them in camps, all right?

Kevin, who do you exactly mean when you refer to these people?

You know, Jack, the faggots.

Kevin, you're missing the point.

AIDS is not just a gay disease.

The virus is in the heterosexual population.

It is epidemic among IV users.

Everybody is at risk.

Tonight's show is about responsibility.

It's about caring for the other guy or girl.

About staying alive.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm gonna let you buy me a drink.

You really get away with a line like that?

Harrison, this is a champagne night.

I don't remember saying yes.

You didn't, but how can I lose?

Either we share 50-50 or I get to drown my sorrows in a big way.

I'd hate to see you over your legal limit.

So why don't I just help out?

Mike.

Some say that the federal government

has been slow in approving new medicines

and stingy in the amount of money allocated to research the disease.

Well, tell me, Killian, you want to hear the answer to this problem?

Oh, surprise me, Billy Ray. Don't say something stupid.

I'll say it the way I figure it.

People don't walk around with labels on.

They don't have a neon sign saying,

don't jump into bed with me.

So the answer to the problem

is that people have to behave intelligently,

sensibly.

Billy Ray, one of these days I'm going to buy you a beer.

It's mandatory testing would drive the disease underground.

That is not the way to fight it.

There is so much research that needs to be done.

This is Kelly.

I'm a friend of Jack's.

Keep calling.

Megadose is a vitamin.

How many sponsors have called?

Please hold on a second, Kelly.

Only two so far.

Thank heaven for small favors.

Jack, what's going on here?

Talk radio?

Really?

Well, when you're through talking on the radio,

I'd like to talk to you in my office.

Do you understand?

Oh, yeah.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Yeah, look, you know,

it's taken all my nerve to make this call, all right?

I need to talk to him now.

Jack's here every night, 12 to 3.

Listen, he's going to know what I mean.

I've got something he wants to know.

Okay, Kelly.

I'll put you through on Jack's computer screen.

Our next caller is...

Kelly from Pacific Heights.

Talk to me, Kelly.

Jack, I met you at a bar a week ago.

Yeah, I remember.

You're nice to me, Jack.

You told me to get tested.

And I did.

I tested positive.

That guy you were looking for?

Okay, thanks, Kelly.

Now just hold on while I do this, okay?

Billy, let's take a break.

Don't lose that call.

Okay.

What's going on, Jack?

Do we have her number?

You promised you'd be there for me.

This is Jack Kelly in the Nighthawk.

Kelly, if you're listening, please call me.

This time I'll be here.

You shouldn't have done that show

without telling me first, Jack.

Why's that?

Not enough time to drum up pre-publicity?

It's not going to work, Jack.

Getting me on the defensive about something

that's completely off the subject

is not going to work.

Okay.

Now for your information,

I was planning on doing a show about AIDS.

A show that would be heavily researched

and a show that would feature representatives

from a cross-section of the informed community.

A show that would be long on facts, Jack.

And quite frankly,

a show that wouldn't include you.

Really?

You figure I'm not smart enough?

No, Jack.

It's just that

you shoot from the hip

and this is not a subject for that.

Now there's a segment of this community

that is fighting for its life

and the last thing that anyone needs

is for something to come along

and feed the hysteria.

You think that's what I did tonight?

AIDS touches people in a very

personal and emotional way, Jack.

You've got to understand that.

Yeah, I understand that.

Because I'm one of those

that's been touched in a highly

personal and emotional way.

I called back just after you left the station

and she gave me a message

which I find totally inscrutable.

Kaylee said that Barnes kept talking

about the smell of pita bread baking.

He told her that he lives over in an Armenian deli.

She thinks she remembers him bragging

about the view of the Bay Bridge

out of his window.

That's it.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh.

Oh, I don't know.

Hey, Mike.

Say goodbye to the girl.

If you don't mind, my hat.

Who the hell are you?

A friend of a friend, Tina Cassidy.

That name ring a bell?

Tina Cassidy mean something to you?

Well, that's a little hard to answer.

So why don't you just tell me

what you'd like me to say?

I'll follow your lead.

Either, oh God, she was the love of my life.

She changed my karma.

Or, no, never met her once.

Well, I recognize myself, of course,

but I'm afraid I can't quite place you, Tina.

For I do suspect she's yours.

Am I right?

Here's what I want to know.

How long is it before you die?

Do you have any idea

what it's like to know you're gonna stop breathing?

Not Sunday, or when you get old,

but this calendar year.

Do you have any idea?

Every meal, every sunrise,

every woman, every man,

you thirst to enjoy what's lost.

That's why I don't give up.

Without hope, we live in desire.

You ever said that?

Dante Alighieri, one of the heavyweights.

Canto IV of the Inferno.

But then, what do you know?

I got a friend

who's gonna contract AIDS.

She told me what it's like

to know that she is gonna die young.

You're Tina.

My Tina.

Well, look at the bright side.

You had her long enough to fall in love.

That's wonderful.

Apparently, I only had her for one night.

She pleased me for a moment.

Right.

You know, you know what puzzles me?

Just how did you manage to live this long?

You know how many playground bullies pounded me

when I was a kid in this place?

How many sailors kicked me when I was down?

Just what do you want, sir?

Tell me how I stop you.

It almost sounds like a threat.

Why can't you understand?

It's my life.

It's all I have left of my life.

It's my life.

And I am simply gonna make the best

of the time that I have.

I gotta live my whole life

in a hundred nights.

No matter what the cost.

Well,

I must be careful of expenses.

I'm down to my last cravat.

This is going rather well, don't you think?

Not especially.

Ross sent you a message.

He hopes that God forgives you.

I'm afraid I wasn't particularly kind to Ross.

I'd say that.

He's a lovely man.

But you know how it is when people get sick, bless their hearts.

See,

we believe that as long as hope remains, we're safe from death.

It's when we give in to despair, when we allow the disease to beat us,

that we finally die.

And I don't wanna die yet.

Surely some part of you can understand that.

I don't know what you did last night,

but I spent mine with a killer.

But this killer

is different.

He wears a tux and a dress shirt.

He talks like an animal.

He can charm the birds right out of the trees.

And tonight he is out there singing.

Somewhere in the streets of our city.

Maybe just now he's walked into a pickup bar.

Pleasant man.

He scores points by not asking birth signs or how you got the nice tan.

He is the one that you meet

and you take home with you.

The one who's gonna take care of you.

The one you think might be forever.

But he is not the man that your mother warned you about.

He's a lot more dangerous.

He's the one I'm gonna warn you about.

He's about 35.

Only he looks older.

And maybe that's because he's dying of AIDS.

Dark brown hair.

Brown eyes.

He always wears a tux.

Now here's the sad part.

He feels that if he pretends he doesn't have the disease,

if he denies its existence,

it won't kill him.

Now that's sad for him,

but it's deadly for those he sleeps with.

Now I don't know what you think out there, San Francisco,

but I think that this guy

ought to be off the streets.

Only there's no way to do it.

The cops don't have the rights.

The public health service doesn't have the authority.

There is no way to legally stop this man.

That'd be sad.

But tonight I'm trying in the best way that I know how.

In the meantime, think twice

before you jump in bed alongside the killer with a tux

or any other stranger.

I'll take our first caller when we get back.

It has always been part of the...

Devin wants to know how long does this go on

or should we call our lawyers?

Tell her I finish it tonight.

of trust for and believing in the reliability...

So, Mike,

looks like you had a bad night.

I heard you on the radio tonight, Ace.

What the hell are you doing to me?

I'm screwing up what's left of your life.

Do you have any idea how much I resent that?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think I do.

I can have you sued, Jack Killian,

now that I know your name.

We're talking slander.

Defamation of character.

There's something wrong with your thinking.

First you gotta have some character to defame.

Is this a vendetta with you?

No.

I just wanna make sure that you stay home at night.

Mike.

I've been waiting for you.

Maybe my luck's changed.

I'd say that.

Kelly!

Now!

Kelly!

Help me!

It's not the answer.

Kelly.

I heard you tonight.

You said you wanted them off the streets.

Not like this, no.

No, no, not like this.

Not like this.

Not like this.

Not like this.

Not like this.

You really...

You really did get lucky tonight.

You saved my life.

Why did you do that?

Why did I do that?

Because your life is worth something.

Her life is worth something.

Mike.

Mike.

You need help.

Mike.

AIDS is a

litmus test for all of us.

A measure of our compassion

at a time when

too much pain has gone around.

We must never lose sight of the fact

that what we have to fear

most

is ourselves.

We can't allow ourselves to give in

to unreasoning

fear or hatred or

our desire to strike out blindly

against things that we don't understand

or cannot accept.

We can't let

hysteria

overrule common sense

or the desire for revenge

to deny our

humanity because that

that is the worst denial of all.

Now

as we enter

F. Scott Fitzgerald's Dark Night of the Soul

where it is always

three o'clock in the morning

remember

if you can't stand sleeping

in an empty bed

it's not empty.

If you're sleeping in it

there are worse things

than being alone.

Harder burdens to bear than tears.

This is Jack Killian, The Nighthawk

on KJCM Radio 98.3

on your FM dial

and

goodnight America

wherever you are.

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