Original subtitles

What do you want to see ?

It.

Sorry ?

It's overrated, old-fashioned. Very 2014.

It does not work well at home in Japan?

- We come from the Philippines. - The same.

Make the turn signals.

Like that, taking out your arm.

You will stop when I tell you.

This is where I lost my virginity.

It did not hurt me that badly.

He had a micropenis.

You see ? A cocktail sausage.

You know what it is.

A tail of Chinese.

Sorry, it's my boss, and he's a big, fat con.

- You will continue alone. - We do not know how to drive.

We do not care, it's not my car.

Cars ride in the opposite direction, Shit!

What are these people doing in the garden of my single prince?

They preach the word of God.

I do not believe in God.

Oh?

They clear and open like the Red Sea.

Jesus loves you.

Here, you have to put, I do not know ...

blurred glass.

There are Japanese tourists and a ramp for the disabled.

We told me that Prince Henry lived here.

But it's clearly a museum.

Here is the public wing. If you want...

Where is the private wing?

You take a right and again on the right.

You will see police officers.

Article 128 of the Penal Code, none entry under penalty of prosecution

- Come down! - Are you opening me?

I'm coming for Henry and you play cons.

Come down!

You are the concierge. Open, that's all.

Follow me !

Advertise Camilla,

his future wife, not his filthy mother-in-law.

Send a car.

My conditions of detention were deplorable.

I will call so much Amnesty International.

And you will regret the destruction of my pantyhose.

I want a perfect room.

Carpet without pile of ass.

And that they remove the bedspread. He was touched

by the ugly, it's deg ...

No neighbors who have a flight at 5am,

nor couples in heat.

And no children, understood?

- That they remove the shampoo ... - I'll take care of it.

I refuse to wash myself with dishwashing liquid.

Here, my card!

It's my mother who pays.

Thank you.

Seriously?

Excuse me.

To make the room.

Hi, troufion.

I am looking for the regiment Prince Harry.

I can not help you.

Do not confuse me.

You are the big butts. And Harry?

Where is his office?

Horseguards?

Yes, them.

We change sides!

How do we join his regiment?

Must pass a test.

I have it in my blood.

Move your ass!

Hello, is there anyone?

This is for recruitment?

I want to enlist in the English army,

and especially in the Horseguards Regiment.

Do not think that I am targeting the Horseguards

to mix with Prince Henry.

I'm not stupid at this point.

Basically, I have a ton of ideas

to do

your commemorations, events that will mark people.

I can improve everything

and make your parades

incredible shows like Karl at Chanel.

choreograph our military parades?

Exactly.

For example, take Gay Pride.

It's bluffing. The tanks are bluffing.

They know how to make a show.

The army is teeming with fags.

We must take the opportunity to strengthen

the visual impact.

I understand what you are saying.

The soldiers would have water rifles.

They would shoot and it would explode in a shower of glitter.

If you wanted to join us and get involved in that,

it would have to start simple soldier and climb the ladder.

No time for potato chores.

Look out the window, I will show you.

I will not give up.

Must change this approach.

It's stiff like anything and not sexy for a penny.

Like that...

Make an effort !

Get out the broom of the ass.

Make a star as long as you are there.

It's not because we look at you that it is good.

Because it sucks.

I put myself in the center, do like me.

Stretch your fat bodies, it will be intense.

You do not move! Return to your places.

Outside !

I'm not fine ?

I was doing a demo for the recruiter who looks out the window.

What are you playing?

You know what you are doing.

Open this bag!

The objective is to infiltrate the aristocracy.

Like a ninja.

The basics will suffice, I learn quickly.

Like when we have something stuck between the teeth.

We do, like ...

0K, no spinach.

Good. Tell me everything.

We will have tea, if we come to serve us.

We do not shout.

We wait for the server to pass.

But we've been here for ages.

You need to have a posture more suitable.

Like you, in good sister?

Sorry ?

So...

What would you like ?

A tea for two people.

For tea?

Black tea, but with a straw.

I do not want to have black teeth like the English.

- Darjeeling? Earl Gray? - I do not care.

We pay attention to his language.

Choose.

Make me surprise.

You can dispose.

Thank you so much.

It was very rude.

We meet, I say what?

"How are you" rather than "enchanted".

If I do not know you,

I am not necessarily delighted.

Yes, but with my physique,

we are bound to be delighted.

What are we talking about ?

Nothing too serious, we stay jovial.

Jovial, what is it for an Englishman?

We talk about time.

A good introduction.

Before moving on to more interesting.

Tradition therefore that we are super boring,

at the beginning?

You do not know neither the person nor his limits.

So, I can not ask anything what interests me?

"Hi, are you sleeping with whom?"

- "How much do you earn ?" - Not without knowing them.

I open on ...

"The sun is in the game."

- Great! - "It changes the rain."

- And I laugh like you. - Exactly.

We always laugh politely.

- The false-ass laugh. - Yes, polite.

How I dress to infiltrate the aristocracy?

I noticed that aristocrats dress

so ignoble.

Sobriety, you know?

The skirt goes down to the knee or lower.

Heels, no higher than that.

Okay, I have to strip myself all my sex appeal.

It's going to be very, very difficult.

Then?

I had a delicious time.

Where are we going?

Cream of the cream English fashion!

I've studied British aristocrats.

They are not like me. Not at all.

I have a leg problem.

- What ? - Do not you see?

- Too lean? - Not too skinny. Perfect.

Caramel color, and my skin is super smooth.

To do English, they must to be white and lumpy.

Rice with milk.

Remove the perfection of my body and give me a complexion of leek.

Tempura?

The vegetable.

A leek ?

Focus yourself on big ugly flowers

and unflattering cuts.

And mistakes of taste.

Older, then?

Older and uglier.

You want to look like them. Why not be yourself?

If I get that way, they will bow down and shout "Beyoncé"!

It's not at all that, the plan.

It looks like a camping tablecloth.

Listen ...

I know it's not easy, because...

I'm going to see on the shelf.

No risk of wart, I have my shoes.

You can not you walk like that.

Something in beige or brown.

It's plastic, Gabrielle.

I like you, I love your physique.

Be my stooge.

It's already better.

It's great !

It must look like

super old.

It's because they are ...

It's more chic if it's old fortune.

They are all Protestants.

So stingy, stingy, stingy ...

Still too beautiful?

Hello, butler ...

A taxi ?

No. A master driver.

A driver?

I'm going to this polo match

to meet Prince Henry.

I will become a princess.

I just need to meet him.

As soon as he sees me ...

love at first sight.

Nobody resists me.

- Nobody. - Nobody ?

Naji, watch me go down.

Look ! Did you see my panties?

No, I did not see anything.

It's the job that comes back.

What are you doing ?

I pretend to transplant the clumps.

We know each other?

I do not think I had that pleasure.

I took you for a girl who ...

Tell me, old crust,

Harry plays in this match or the one after?

- It is true ? - Harry. The prince.

- Prince Henry. - What is that noise?

I'm wearing a sonotone, you see.

- I hear weird things. - It's him.

With his oral-ache.

With the horn.

He takes a picture.

- It was nice to see you again. - I can not say as much.

I would like to see many more.

Pig.

Hello, delighted. How are you ?

Very well.

I am Camilla, Countess of Paris intramural.

- Enchanted. - How are you ?

What time, is not it?

A real pity.

It should pass.

I do not see Harry.

He plays in this match?

I do not believe.

It's so frustrating.

My concierge told me he was playing here.

Young people have already played

on the other side.

I wanted to go to see my granddaughter play.

I had everything done and it's going to push back.

I did it in Paris, no problem.

Impossible to be depilated correctly in London.

- Impossible. - Pity.

It explains that men here

love so much bushes and gardening.

I dunno.

You are nice, but I can not chat with you.

You are very middle class.

People here are not smart enough to serve the king.

My source is downright rude.

I do not have the time.

Excuse me.

You know where are the polo players?

No idea.

Hello, groom.

I wanted to ask you...

Do you know Prince Harry?

He plays here.

But he is not here. Where do I find it?

He prepares the Invictus Games, who start tomorrow.

There will be a ceremony

at the Olympic Park. I have places, if you want.

You are perfect, you will be my lover.

Lady Di had a lover player of polo. I need one too.

Last thing.

Calm down, we will put on top.

If I have a child who is not a little red,

it will make stories.

Keep your hat.

Come.

Where is it ?

- My horse is coming. - Your horse too?

- It's nice, right? - Indeed.

- A good day? - Routine.

I had a great day.

Alright, that is good.

I have come a long way.

I know where to find Prince Harry!

Together again? She will attend the Invictus Games.

I changed my mind. Take me to Harrods.

- Where ? - Harrods.

Put the tray there.

Pour my tea.

I'm almost there.

That I'm not the only one to work.

You are aiming for who exactly?

Yes I aim?

You are aiming ...

My plan is so perfect, even you, you understand it.

Hold my cup!

Who is it ?

His girlfriend.

Blow on my tea, it's too hot.

Come and blow.

She sticks it. I have to get rid

this blonde to have the prince.

My tea.

It's hot. You do not know how to blow.

No need to get dressed. You can dispose.

Good evening madam. Everything is fine ?

Tiny Models, hello.

- Hello, I'm Camilla Kechiche. - Yes?

Camilla Kechiche, French director.

By browsing your website,

I kept a girl, number 25 ...

Okay, I'll see. You saw it on the site?

She looks like Cressida Bonas ...

Her name is Charlotte.

Charlotte, yeah surely.

Charlotte, number 25.

I love it.

I want it in my movie. I want to meet her this afternoon.

- I'll call him ... - It's this afternoon.

- I ... - Yes, this afternoon.

These are your dogs?

No, I just walk them.

- This one is mine. - Him ?

This one is super cute.

- What is it like race? - A corgi.

Oh yes, a corgi?

It is true that it is the...

How to say...

the Queen's favorite dog?

Yes, it's true.

Stop!

Stop right now!

I will kill you!

Where are you going ?

Come back!

Harry puts the cover back with Cressida

Sit.

Hi, doggie.

Here sausage.

I'm Camilla, the director.

You heard about the project?

In two words,

it's a video artistic-advertising

for the defense of animals.

The goal is to show

that animal cruelty is everywhere.

And that must stop.

Do you like animals?

- I just love it. I have plenty of them. - Perfect.

The bias ...

is to film to the smartphone,

to make it more real,

like stolen images. It's clear ?

For people to react.

You know everything. it fits you well.

Yes it's good.

It's funny, you've already been told that you look like ...

But yes,

Harry's ex-girlfriend or the current one besides, I do not know ...

Cressida?

Yes !

I have already been told.

Very well.

It is very good.

What do I have to do ? The meanie ?

I will explain you on the set. It is very simple.

No worries.

Silence on the board!

It turns !

Action!

Holy shit!

Clebs of shit!

Stop! Cut!

It sucks!

It is...

Cressida, concentrate, please.

I want to feel hatred. You hate this dog.

I show you.

You're bad and you stink of the mouth.

Say that pandas are endangered!

While your obese brothers

are wallowing on cushions in Buckingham!

Then you tie it to the thing. Kick, kick, kick and give up.

In fact, it's the first time that I play.

I do not care. Take your chance.

Your insults are nil.

Insult me.

I hate you.

Do not laugh! Why are you laughing?

Are you stupid or what?

- Yes, you are stupid. - Really stupid.

You are stupid ? No, you are not stupid!

Let's go.

Sorry.

We start again.

Here. That's the look. I just love it.

Do not frown too much, it makes you look ugly.

Action!

Fucking of clebs!

Insult him!

Lattez it. Go!

Cut!

It's in the box.

It's in the box.

Shit, the clebs.

Come and caress him.

I feel guilty.

Sorry.

Pat him.

I'm not naughty. I love doggies.

You are null like actress, but you are nice.

Keep the dog, if you want.

You want it? It's a gift.

It is a pleasure.

Hello, I would like to speak to the editor.

A thing all important.

We are very busy right now.

I am here because I witnessed

of a frankly odious act.

I think the people has the right to know.

Look.

Do you recognize her?

I do not believe.

It's Cressida Bonas.

I am speaking to you, because it takes

warn the royal family, before it's too late.

Wait a second.

I do not know if we are competent.

Here is the lady in question.

You are editor-in-chief?

Brigitte Radot.

As I said to your colleague,

I witnessed of a very shocking scene.

I miss words, but look.

She did not type it.

Yes, she kicked him.

She insulted and hit

the little chubby corgi defenseless.

It's Cressida Bonas, Harry's trail.

I filmed to denounce this witch.

This girl has clearly a problem with the Queen.

I saw everything and filmed everything.

I was walking my 5 dogs.

I think it is urgent to warn the royal family.

We are not the right medium for that kind of thing.

Because we are a magazine,

we do not publish video.

You should.

It is much more interesting as reports on gardening.

It does not fit to our editorial line.

If you want limit you to 3 subscribers

who have one foot in the grave,

is.

I'll let the scoop go elsewhere.

Put this video online and make it a serious buzzer.

Hold, it will serve you more than me.

- Looking for a taxi? - Yes, for the Bunga Bunga.

This couple first, then it will be yours.

Well.

I have priority, you are in down jacket.

- Will we have one soon? - Certainly.

Enjoy my burial of girl life.

You will not be invited to the wedding.

Room service.

Thank God, you're awake!

- Bring me a beer. - Surround me first.

You will not believe it! Cressida is scandalous.

In a video, we see her hitting a dog!

So she's not invited anymore aux Invictus Games.

It is true ?

Basically, this girl ...

Bring me a beer.

How are you miss ?

I hate the charity galas.

I like my Mana gloves.

How?

I hope they will protect me.

Without a doubt.

Welcome to the Olympic Park Queen Elizabeth of London

and the very first Invictus Games.

Tonight, we welcome the participants,

and their loved ones who supported them,

from thirteen countries.

- Everything is fine ? - Yes.

- You are sure ? - Yes, I am fine.

"It's okay? 'Yes!

I have the pleasure to introduce a man whose dedication to the troops ...

I will seek help.

... led to the birth of these Games.

His visit to the White House last year

delighted a whole group military families.

- It's better ? - Yes, I hear a people.

How is it going ?

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome His Majesty,

Prince Harry.

These last eight years,

I've seen lives upset by injuries

and the wounded healed by sport.

Be certain than all participants,

on the track, in the pool or on the land,

are going to give it their all.

I'm sure lives will change this weekend.

I would like to thank you

to give this wonderful example.

Your destinies move us, inspire us

and make us humble.

You prove that anything is possible,

when you have the will.

Welcome to the Games, welcome to Invictus.

This is my guy.

Please, do you hold me that?

- With joy. - Thank you.

I'm just writing my number on my panties.

The crown jewels !

Sorry, I have to put my nose down.

I have a head of ...

of ass!

I did not take a picture!

Thank you, but no thanks.

Hello my friends !

I learned a lesson very important today.

I want to share it.

Share it?

If your current situation

is not the one you want,

it's not the fault of the gods, but yours!

Because you do not have the will to be what you want to be.

Bullshit!

For example,

stay with someone for fear of being alone

is not a solution.

Take George Clooney.

He waited 70 years

to find the woman of his life.

I think he is 70 years old.

And in the meantime,

he offered himself a dwarf pig,

in anticipation of his moments too lonely.

Your job.

Accept a shitty job

because you do not have the courage

to be pop singer, it's the royal road to mediocrity.

You say to yourself,

"I'm ugly, small, I will never be a supermodel ... "

Cara Delevingne, she is not supermodel maybe?

It looks like the pig of George Clooney.

You see ?

Think differently !

This morning,

I decided that I would not marry Prince Harry.

Why ?

I refuse to settle

less than I deserve.

I can not live a life

where toilet paper is cheap,

non-absorbent, brown

and rough.

Racist!

It's not possible !

She does not like the brown PQ!

My friends, I have to go, because my journey is not finished.

Take back your lives Shit!

Naji, you drive very badly.

We are not in India.

Do not worry.

Yes do I have to announce?

I am Camilla.

You can help us ?

Are you the boss?

She is not nice.

It's a hidden camera.

I understand better.

Your hair...

You want that I'm getting down?

Take the. It will serve you more than me.

Here she will serve you more than me.

And where do you put it?

Next to the polo shirt.

How is your dress?

You see the dress Marion Cotillard at the Oscars?

Not that, she was redneck.

You can dispose.

Feed the dogs.

- You did see ? - No, I was not looking.

- I spit out my scone. - You have...

Recrached my scone. It's too disgusting.

- Hello, I'm Camille. - We make a French kiss?

It was too much, too funny!

This girl is amazing.

It was a hidden camera!