Original subtitles

My liege, we have unearthed a giant.

The first of many. Now bring him to me.

Oh, come on.

He can't be that heavy.

He's... he's actually really solid.

Um, let-let's just do this here.

Rise from your grave.

Oh!

Uh...

Greetings. I am Death Adder.

What is your name?

I am Death Death.

Really? Oh... Oh, okay. Um...

I am your king.

Look at you, a runt.

Death Death follows no giant shorter than he.

Seriously. So tiny.

I may be small,

yet I wield the axe.

My short king.

The days have been dark since our heroes

were defeated by Death Adder.

He fused the Golden Axe with the Emerald Blade,

apparently giving him the power to control giants.

After that, in a fierce battle,

Ax and Tyris were taken prisoner.

Then Hampton, Chronos, and Druda were killed

in the tower's collapse.

That's right, Hampton's dead!

Crazy, right?

Without heroes to stop them,

Death Adder's hordes have spread across Yuria,

subjugating the people, scorching their villages

and burning up their narrator's maps!

That was my only copy!

But there is one hero

still out there fighting for Yuria:

the mighty Gilius Thunderhead...

Uh-oh, he looks a little drunk.

Please. Those are my nice pants.

Uh, they won't even fit you. Oh!

They're not for me.

My adult son is about your size.

Oh, I guess I better do something about this.

What's the plan, Hampton?

Unhand those pants!

P-Please, no! He can keep the pants.

Oh, gods! He bit him in half.

Pretty messed-up, right?

Your turn.

Good deeds are rare in Yuria these dark days.

Thank you. Wait, you're Gilius Thunderhead.

Oh, glorious day.

I thought Yuria was lost.

Oh, it's extremely lost.

But you're a hero.

I'm the only hero left.

We can fight alongside you.

And end up dead like Hampton? Not a chance.

The only person who's gonna die fighting Death Adder on my watch

is me. Which I'll probably do tonight.

Maybe tomorrow, 'cause right now I'm ziggin', I'm zaggin',

and I found ale on your wagon.

Hampton, I found booze!

There used to be a possum there.

Did you eat my friend?

Tyris, I'm starting to think that this wheel doesn't

-actually do anything. -What did you think

it was doing, grinding the bones of the fallen?

I was hoping it was doing something helpful like...

I don't know... spinning a pleasant windmill

somewhere far from here.

Hey! No talking to your fellow wheelies.

Ooh, when I get my hands on some magic, you will burn.

Ha! There's no more magic. Death Adder's captured

-all the pervy imps in Yuria. -No,

please don't lock me away.

I'll do anything.

Throw 'em in the cage with the rest.

I know. Having skin doesn't make you better than me.

Your bones don't bother Janzu.

Ow!

Oh. Hey, David.

Oh, no.

They got all the best imps.

All right, Chicken Leg.

You and me versus Death Adder's army.

No way we survive.

But hey, at least we'll be dead.

Oh, looks like the battle's come to us.

Yah!

Gilius, wait! It's your old pal, Druda!

Druda?

Druda!

Wait, how do I know it's really you?

How do I know it's really you?

Ugh. Use your eye holes.

Or your eyes.

Oh, by the gods, it is you!

Oh, I never realized how important skin was to a hug.

You know what else is important to a hug?

Consent.

And where have you been lurking this whole time?

We've been hiding in the woods, building strength,

eating moss and bugs.

Wait, who's we?

Druda? Where are you?

I just chomped up a butterfly.

It tasted as pretty as it looked.

Hampton!

Gilius?

Mm!

That is how a hug is supposed to feel.

Like you've ever had a real hug, Gilius.

Hampton told me about your dad.

Okay, Hampton's alive.

I'm sorry I lied to you,

but I needed you to believe it for the drama.

Oh, speaking of drama...

Awaken, my kin.

At last,

Yuria will be returned to the giants.

How did you two survive the battle

at Death Adder's castle?

Honestly, I kind of blacked out

and went into evil skeleton mode.

One minute I was in the castle and the next,

I was covered in blood and Hampton and I

were building a tent. I think maybe I hurt people?

She did. I barely had to do anything. It was horrifying.

But I did most of the tent, so I'm pulling my weight.

It's really good to see you, Gilius.

Did you change your hair?

You look like shit.

I have good news. We know where Ax and Tyris are.

They're being tortured in Death Adder's camp.

That's great! That they're alive.

Not the torture part.

I really thought everyone was dead.

Kind of feel silly for befriending that possum.

We've got a plan to save them.

Excellent. You can tell me all about it

when I get back from doing it by myself.

Ow! Why did you do that?

I was trying to knock you out.

-Let's try again. -Aah!

Gilius, why are you doing this?

Because there's no way he's coming

and I don't feel like explaining myself.

Ow! Ow! Time-out.

Time-out! What is your problem?

Look at you. You're scrawny. You're naive.

You're not a hero. You're not the chosen one.

I can still help fight the snake man.

And the bad guys?

Is there a guy in a cape?

You hit me so hard.

Not as hard as this!

There. Finally.

Don't let him fall asleep.

Uh, you know, after he wakes up.

Guess who else is alive and well.

That's right, Yuria. It's your favorite Pantherman:

Chronos mother-humpin' Lait!

Oh, hey Chronos. You can come.

I don't care if you die.

Thank you.

So, we've never really had a chance

-to get to know each other. -And what a blessing that is.

Here we are.

Ax and Tyris are at the far side of the camp.

We'll never make it to them, it's impossible.

Unless you happened to know somebody

who's been saving a little magic.

Was that in a pocket?

Stab wound.

Time for you to grog the fog.

Fog magic, baby!

Whoa, that smells nice.

That's what I think. You know, we actually have a lot in...

We're not becoming friends.

Stop acting like we are.

Gilius, we can be friends in the fog.

No one will see.

Tyris, do you think maybe this wheel

is a deeper metaphor on the nature of existence?

Because I don't.

Ax. I know that smell.

I hate that smell but I am happy to smell the smell that I hate.

-Look! -Ah, fog. Magic fog?

You know who would love this? Chronos.

Ax, be quiet.

I'm just saying, his magic is fog.

This is the type of thing he goes for.

-Ax, please. -You think I'm wrong?

You don't know him like I do. Chronos is the best.

Ax, Chronos is here.

Tyris, look. Chronos is here! Gilius is here too.

Damn right I am. And Hampton's not a possum.

Anyway, here's the plan: sneak out of Death Adder's camp

under the cover of this fog and regroup.

Um, Chronos, where-where is the fog going?

Hey! You're not allowed to free the wheelies!

Okay, plan B: Run like hell.

Hey! Those are for digging.

I take it back. These are great!

Aah! Wai-Wait, wait, wait. Chasing the good guys?

What am I doing? Where did I go wrong?

Aw, it doesn't matter, I can change.

Today is the first day

of the rest of my life...

Head for that canyon.

Ooh, I want to look!

They're trapped.

Let's have some fun.

Nice aim.

Wilhelm scream!

He's dead.

The giants are on our side.

Maybe not.

I want to throw one.

I threw one.

We can't hide here forever.

Only one choice.

Take out as many as we can before we die.

-I'm with you, old friend. -Count me in.

-Wait, are you gonna do the mud? -No.

Let's do this.

Gilius, before we perish.

I replaced you on our team with Chronos to anger you.

-Well, it worked. -Ha!

Good. But also, it was a mistake.

I "a pal a-geez." Hmm.

I'm not used to saying that word out loud.

I "forgove" you.

I am honored to die alongside my friends.

And Chronos.

I think my face mud is actually goat shit.

At least Hampton will survive.

Uh, I'm not so sure.

What in an orc's nut sack

are you doing, boyo?!

Saving you. You can't win by yourselves.

Well, you're not tipping the scales.

-You need to run, save yourself. -Gilius, enough.

You say I don't belong out here. That I don't look like a hero.

But have you ever looked in a mirror?

Yeah, I always think there's another cat-man and attack it.

You are fat, short, you have terrible skin.

I mean, you look like you're 75.

75 is young for a dwarf.

-Fine, 275. -Still pretty young.

Think of an age that's mean.

You look nothing like a hero,

but you don't have to look like a hero to be one.

And I learned that from watching you.

Heroes aren't the strongest

-or the bravest. -Some of them are.

Heroes are the ones who never give up. Like you.

The short, fat, old battle dwarf

who will fight to his very last breath.

That's all well and good.

But I've got news for you:

even with five of us, it won't be enough.

We have a few more than that.

Chicken Leg?

Oh, he's been hiding that one, hasn't he?

Yuria is full of people who are willing to fight,

so I put out the call and these ordinary heroes answered.

It's everyone we've met along the way.

The ride able beasts we freed,

Dry Arthur and the people of Tender Hamlet,

even the cowards found a way

to conquer their fears to join the fight.

It's all of our favorites,

including Volcano Larry!

H-Hang on, I don't

know Volcano Lar... Who's Volcano Larry?

How do you not know about Volcano Larry?

He arrived in Yuria through a portal to the future.

His story was cut for time. But even so, he's here to help.

With all these heroes by our side,

Death Adder doesn't stand a chance.

Gilius, will you lead us?

For Yuria!

Ha! It feels good

to kill alongside you again, Gilius.

What? Aw.

That was a load-bearing bone. Kind of breaking skeleton code

to show you that, Ham-Ham.

-Ah. -Moggabog!

I thought I'd killed you.

Did you actually see me die?

Never assume someone is dead if you didn't actually see it.

That's basic adventuring.

Cowoods, let's show this giant

what happens when we get scared!

Whoosh!

Leave our brother alone!

Greetings, Squib.

Bruiser, Rooster! You saved us!

But I betrayed you.

Sometimes brothers fight.

Hampton, you said they were dead.

I just finished talking to you about this! Are you not

-paying attention, Gilius? -Aah!

Oh, whoa!

-Yay! -Gilius,

look. We're winning!

This ends now.

Golden Axe time!

Whoosh!

Cut away before I die on screen.

Volcano Larry!

No...!

With the giants under his control we don't stand a chance.

I know I made a big speech about never quitting,

but I'm starting to think we maybe should've quit.

Nonsense. All we have to do

is fight our way through these guys and then those skeletons

and then those guys over there.

There... Ugh, there's an awful lot of giants.

Aw, we're.

We need to even the odds.

Go, muscles!

Look out!

You know what to do.

Get out there and shake those booties.

Time to max out my magic.

The oracle was right! This is how I die!

Hello, Janzu.

Tyris.

Oh, yeah!

This is for Volcano Larry.

Oh, and, um, my parents.

Fire magic!

Uh-oh.

I wonder if I could do that with fog.

He dropped the Golden Axe.

Quick! Throw me!

But you hate that. Basically everything

we've been through is because of us

-wanting to throw you. -Only when it's not my idea.

Now throw me!

All right, Death Adder, let's do this.

Yeah...!

Thank you for giving me back my axe.

Another brilliant move by the chosen none.

Oh, Hampton. What did you do?!

I don't know why the blade chose me,

but I figured if I could put it together

I could probably take it apart.

Ooh! Hot, hot, hot!

No matter.

I can still use the Axe to end your miserable lives.

Yeah, maybe. But without the power of the emerald blade

you can't use it to control those giants.

I wonder how they're going to feel about

being enchanted by a little guy like you.

I'm not little.

Wait, wait, no!

Uh-oh, they're coming for you.

You dare to try to control me?!

I am the dark lord of Yuria.

More like the dork turd of nerd-ia.

Wait, wait!

No, no!

Oh, not my snakey chest!

Aah!

That was incredible, boyo!

You did it!

I've killed Death Adder many times,

but it has never been this satisfying.

-Well done, Hampton. -Oh, thanks.

But none of this was possible without Gilius.

Indeed. Thank you, Gilius.

And now let's celebrate our victory

by living happily ever after.

Oh, right, the evil giants.

No! Wait, we can't kill them.

But they're evil giants.

Well, how do you know that? If you could look at me

and not know I'm a hero, how can you look at them

and know they're villains?

It's mostly the eyes.

They're red.

Gods, he's right. I hate him for it, but he's right.

We are heroes. We have a responsibility

to give them a chance.

Thank you, small boy.

I can tell why the Emerald Blade chose you.

Because of my uncanny wisdom?

No!

I smell the blood of giants in you.

What? No. How would... I'm a man.

I thought you were small for a man,

but my goodness, Humpton...

You are a very small giant.

And thus is the story of Hampton and the Golden Axe.

Everyone lived happily ever after.

Janzu took home a pretty good souvenir.

Whoa!

Druda followed her dream and started a band.

A one-woman band.

Did you think she wasn't gonna

play her ribs, you crazy bastards?

Gilius, Ax, and Tyris

continued their adventures with Hampton and Chronos.

Everything was perfect.

That is, until the giants that Hampton spared

did turn out to be super evil.

It's me. The narrator.

And that's my house they're stepping on.

So, yeah, way to go, Hampton.

Some hero you are.

Everyone in Yuria hates you now.

I was trying to see the best in them, okay?

Hey! You!

You're supposed to be in the house when we stomp it.

That was the first of my tales of the Golden Axe.

And I have many more. If you want to hear them,

we got to get out of here. We got to run.

We got to go hide in a cave. Follow me, I know a cave.

Aah! He sees us!

Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!

Chirp.