Original subtitles

At long last, our intrepid band of heroes arrive

at Death Adder's castle.

And look how far they've come!

Ah, the memories!

Remember when they got stuck in Volcano Larry's Tiki Dungeon?

He made mai tais with a rum floater!

I got so drunk, I threw up on my friend's horse on the way home.

It's the battle they've trained for,

the climax of their journey.

If I was there, I'd kill so many of the bad guys.

I'm not there, though. I-I'm at home.

I'm sick. Like, super sick.

I can't believe it's finally time.

Oh. Everybody make sure to go pee.

And make it count,

for this urination could be your last.

Here's the plan. We fight our way room to room

until we face off with Death Adder.

And then... we kill him.

-Perfect! Charge! -Hang on!

After all this, your plan is still

to hack and slash your way through the castle?

Are you suggesting we stab and slice?

I think I could make it work.

What would make me happy is you two...

asking me my opinion!

But... I don't want to.

Tyris, Gilius has been right about a lot.

We need to try

-listening to him. -Thank you.

Now, the prophecy is vague.

"When the Emerald Blade and the Golden Axe meet,

only one will survive."

Hmm. Arguably, not even a prophecy.

I like it. Can't be wrong if you don't pick a side.

It only gives us a 50-50 chance,

but I have a plan to tip the odds in our favor.

We're going to sneak into the castle and steal the Golden Axe.

Sneak? Like cowards on tip-ed toes?

That's right. And we're gonna do it through... the sewers!

Right here.

Sorry I couldn't draw the map in more detail.

I've only been in the castle once.

I don't like that your plan involves trusting the word

of a skeleton.

Is it that I'm a skeleton, or that I'm a girl?

You and I both know there can only be one.

Let the games begin.

Chronos and Druda will stay back with Hampton

and keep the blade safe.

Once we have the Golden Axe, we'll send a signal.

Then we'll join you and head to the throne room

where I'll give the final blow to an unarmed Death Adder,

uh, like, "Yah! Smash!"

"We are victorious! Ah!

"Here come the maidens,

-"- and they're hungry for kisses! Mmm!" -Ugh.

Smooch, smooch, smooch. Mm. Mwah.

"Oh, you must be the fairest maiden I've ever kissed!"

"Okay, enough."

Any questions?

I'm skeptical about the part where Hampton gets the maidens.

They think they can sneak into Death Adder's castle.

Do people not know

about our state-of-the-art security stone?

When he leaves, can we use this thing to check in on my cat?

I worry he gets lonely when I'm at work.

Aah. Just walk normal.

Huh. Have you ever noticed

that Death Adder's castle looks... kind of freaky?

Oh, my gods, you're right.

It's so freaky!

You're freaking me out, Hampton!

It is freaky!

So, are you two, like... together?

We're friends with benefits.

The benefit is how much fun we have!

Ha-ha! Boo-bah. ♪ Uh-uh, ah! ♪

I'm gonna go sit over there.

Hey, Druda.

-What's that? -That... is new.

All done with your monthly walk, sewer monster.

Back to your home in the sewers.

And don't forget to kill

anybody you find down there.

Well, that's not good, but, uh, we can pivot.

We'll head in now and kill that thing

before it can get to the others.

Oh! Almost forgot. ♪ Yada-da! ♪

Oh, I love my job.

Oh, that's right. No lips.

Ew.

I am covered in feces.

But we're making great time.

We haven't even had to lift our swords!

Death Adder's going to have to face a couple

of well-rested heroes!

I think I'm starting to smell the feces.

Hey, Gilius, that monster just drooled on you!

-Which monster? -Oh. The one on the ceiling.

It's been behind us for a while.

This'll cost us some time.

But don't worry. We'll make up for it on the back end.

Why did you not mention the sewer monster?!

I didn't know there was one!

But I have a plan.

Does your plan involve more sewer monsters?

Yah!

Whoa! Now there's two of them!

Tyris, did you know it would do that?

This is bad. This is so bad.

This is, like, so bad.

Gilius is in danger, our path into the castle is ruined.

Great! I still have no idea how to check my pulse!

Gilius, Ax, and Tyris can handle themselves.

We need a way inside.

Okay. First thought, I meet a young maid on staff...

um, Georgina... and we fall in love

over the course of a cold winter.

I use her trust to gain access to the castle.

Georgina will be angry about that, but ultimately forgiving

when we take back Yuria with the power of our love.

And then we'll have to, like, break up.

Or... what if we disguise ourselves

and walk in the back door?

I can go as an ordinary skeleton

that didn't defect to find her purpose.

Okay, if you think you can hide your sparkle,

sure, sure.

-Chronos, you can go as my... -Don't. Don't say it.

Don't suggest that I pose

-as your ride able beast. -Why not?

If you're still asking, you're not listening.

Look! I think I found our way in.

Chronos, how do you look in henchman blue?

Hey, did you ever buy that new shield you were looking at?

We don't have to be friends, Torgis.

Hey, what are you doing?

A jester hat? Where did that come from?

Let's just say I know a guy.

He sells jester hats.

I don't think that will work.

Death Adder's jesters are famously funny.

Don't worry, Druda. I'm very funny.

Pull my finger.

Hmm.

-Knock, knock. -What?

Told ya! Kitty cat's got jokes.

No! Wait! You were supposed to fart!

I have a feeling this is going to bond us.

I hate you, Torgis.

Please...

Stop chopping!

How many heads does this thing have?

There has to be a limit!

Oh, I've had enough chopping. I'm going to use my magic.

No, don't! The tunnels are too fragile!

Dragon dick!

Swallowed by a monster. I don't have to listen to you.

Those are the rules. Earth magic!

I told you not to do that,

you lump of a lamb's foreskin!

-Ew, Gilius! -He saved our lives.

And obliterated our path to the Golden Axe!

Which is where we want to go!

Druda?!

You're alive! Weren't you at Wenisburg?

I heard a skeleton there turned good.

Huh. That's weird. Wasn't me!

Nah, it was some other skeleton, it was so gross.

Me? I'm more evil than ever.

-Praise Death Adder! -PDA indeed!

-Whew! -Hey, Torgis!

Aren't you supposed to be on guard duty outside?

Me? Oh...

...yeah, but then I came inside.

Uh, okay. Checks out.

But one of these days, you're going to slip up,

and I'll be here...

to cover for you, because you've always been there for me.

I love you, Torgis. Mwah.

Quick, move before they ask Chronos to be funny.

Wait a second. Wait a second!

Has anyone seen this jester before?

I want to know if he's funny.

I think we could use a laugh.

-Uh... -I got this.

Y'all ever wonder what it would sound like

if Death Adder was haggling at the bazaar?

We should run.

Well, we can forget about the armory.

Because once again, you two refused to follow my lead.

Oh, I tried, but now I remember why I don't!

Aha! So you admit it!

Oh, boy, that feels good!

Oh, I admit it. I happily admit it.

Everyone is saying they feel good and they're happy,

but it also feels like they're really angry.

Oh, whatever!

Like you two are perfect!

We're not perfect.

We are superior beings with bodies like gods,

but unlike you, we know how to work together!

Do you? 'Cause I sure didn't see much "working together"

when you were chopping heads

like a head-chopping... lu-lunatic.

Huh. That's true.

Oh, yes. Sorry, quick question.

Where was the teamwork when I said

that these sewers were too fragile for earth magic?!

Also true. Ooh!

So, the fact that you had a terrible plan

and now I'm covered in feces is our fault?

Yes. And I'm glad you finally see it!

You are maddening.

I have never met anyone more maddening than you!

Forget it! There's only one way out now.

And at least we still have the element of surprise.

Come, let us surprise them.

Aw, he looks so sad.

I wish I lived close enough to go home for lunch.

He's so smart.

Well, piss on my ankles.

But seriously, I wouldn't curse you with his amulet! Ha!

Goodnight, everybody.

Thank you so much.

The dark forces really needed that.

Guys like you are the real heroes.

Heroes!

She's onto us.

That was incredible! You should do that for a living.

Comedy is very easy.

I can't believe that worked!

They had no idea that we're the good guys!

Did that statue just turn its head?

Okay, so you heard what I said about us being good guys?

Do you think the other statues heard me, too?

Okay, any ideas?

I could distract them with a joke.

Oh, great idea. Do the one

about the unicorn and the Pegasus going on the blind date.

Oh, wait!

Stab! Slice!

Ooh, stab and slice is working great, Gilius!

Hey, that was part of a set!

Aah! That was part of my neck!

The Golden Axe... it's this way!

Drop it, Gilius.

We're going straight to Death Adder.

You know what? Fine.

I'll steal the Golden Axe,

and kill Death Adder

without you.

You're going to be so jealous.

First he sneaks, then he bails.

What's next? Tardiness? Truancy?!

Ax, Tyris, you're alive!

Jester!

I've got a nephew who wants to break into jesting.

Do you think you could sit down with him and...

No!

-Thanks. -Don't thank me yet.

His nephew is still out there somewhere.

We're outnumbered. What do we do?

Fire... magic!

It wasn't enough.

Run!

Hey, where's Gilius?

There it is.

The Golden Axe.

I found it!

I knew I would.

I would like to thank Ax and Tyris

for not believing in me.

'Cause Gilius Thunderhead

is the smartest, the strongest,

the leader-y-est, never tardy,

and now he has the Golden Axe.

Huh.

Well, that doesn't seem right.

Better check again.

Huh. Starting to think this is a trap.

Huh. Right again! Is there anything I can't do?

Looks like I've caught myself a dwarf.

We can't hold them much longer!

Oh! We need a miracle.

Did I make a miracle happen with my mouth?

Hello. It's Ax.

Bigger muscles, please.

An evil chill. That's never good.

How can you tell that a chill is evil?

Oh. Yeah, I feel it.

Enough of these foolish games.

Holy... crap!

Is that Death Adder?

Bring me the Emerald Blade,

or I kill the dwarf.

Oh, no! I think he means Gilius.

Gilius. This is all his fault.

-He just had to go rogue. -Uh-huh.

And let me guess. When he went rogue,

were you having some... I don't know...

deeply insecure argument about who should be in charge?

Yes. And I won.

How?! Death Adder has Gilius, and we are outnumbered.

If we're going to have any chance,

we need to actually work as a team.

You mean, like, one for all,

and all for everybody else, as well?

Yes, exactly.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I could have said it way better.

So what do you say?

Can we work... together?

Well, well, well.

I bet you feel super, super, super dumb.

Soon your young companion will give me what I want

in exchange for your life.

There's no way Hampton will surrender the blade.

I'm here to surrender the blade.

Hampton, you idiot! What are you doing?!

I'm sorry, Gilius. I wanted to fight,

but no one could agree on how.

Wow. You're a big fella.

Where did you buy that cape?

It's a rug that was intended for a very large room.

Anyway... here.

Now!

What?! Why did you do that?

Because... we're... us.

Sorry. we don't have a group name.

We were barely getting along until eight minutes ago.

Hey, it's illegal to impersonate active military!

It's also illegal to die!

Go to jail!

It's time for the final boss!

Rah!

Seegggaaaa!

Humpton, now!

No!

Hey, you're rooting for green, right?

I can't look, I can't look, I can't look!

Who is winning? Is it me?

Can someone say if it's Hampton?

No, Hampton! Just focus!

Come on, boyo, fight!

Hey, Gilius, I'm doing comedy now.

I... I'm doing it.

I am a hero.

Nay...

I... am...

the chosen one!

Yes!

Yes, kid, you did it!

Gilius... the blade.

Who cares? It worked! You defeated Death Adder!

And more importantly, I was right!

Which is not the most important thing.

Who came up with that last plan?

Oh, genius!

It was me... and Ax... and everyone else, but not you.

But only because you weren't there.

What she means is that we did teamwork.

Look at us! The original three,

working together to save the day.

Ugh! Did they forget we're here?

This is why I have hobbies outside of work.

Did somebody order, uh, victory snakes?

Because if so, they, uh,

are showing up right on time.

Oh, not again.

This guy can't seem to stay dead.

I think Gilius is talking about Death Adder.

You played right into my hands.

The Golden Axe prevailed,

just like the prophecy predicted.

It didn't predict that! It was actually really vague.

You don't know the full prophecy.

When the Emerald Blade and the Golden Axe meet,

only one will survive. Dot, dot, dot.

It will be the Golden Axe.

It will absorb the power of the blade

and complete the power of the axe.

Why would anyone write that information in that order?

I don't know, Tyris. I wasn't there.

Can I just say, thank you for bringing me back to life.

My children...

I don't understand.

Long ago, the gods used

the power of the Golden Axe to banish the giants from Yuria.

In order to return, my forefathers knew

they would need a weapon powerful enough

to defeat the Golden Axe.

So, they stole a fragment of the axe

and used it to forge... the Emerald Blade.

Ugh, this story's so long!

Oh, yeah? Why don't you try telling me one thing

from history and make it sound interesting.

Ooh, easy. Once, there was a boy...

Oh, my gods, what time is it?!

I fell asleep, I was so bored!

-His name was Ax! -Unfortunately...

Hey, I wanted to listen to Ax's story.

Now, die!

There. Now you have to listen to me.

Where was I? Oh.

I stole the Golden Axe, and I used it to kill the gods.

Everybody already knows that. Get to the point!

Hey, aren't you supposed to be on my side?

Yeah, well, I don't work for people

that suck at telling stories.

Oh-ho-ho!

It's only taking a long time

because you keep interrupting me.

It doesn't matter.

You'll still die by our hands eventually, just like always.

That's what you think.

But the endless cycle of you killing me

only to have me return is over.

I wish this story was over.

You see, the Golden Axe was incomplete,

but thanks to Gilius and Hampton,

its power has been restored.

With the all-powerful axe,

I... am... untouchable!

Now, I really must be going.

Goodbye.

Did he just use the Golden Axe as a broomstick?

Did... we just lose?

Why would the blade choose me for this?

I gave him exactly what he wanted.

I brought it right to him.

Has anyone seen a coccyx?

I can go without, but it'd be nice to have.

Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!

Chirp.