Original subtitles

GOLDEN AXE #104 "Fly Like an Eagle" Closed Captioned

The map of Yuria.

Look at that.

There's a sea serpent, and, uh, oh!

A monster in the corner. He's pretty scary.

Am I supposed to be talking about something specific?

Oh, right! In pursuit of Death Adder,

Gilius Thunderhead has parted ways with Ax and Tyris.

Now he has a new partner,

the alarmingly inexperienced Hampton Squib,

and I'm being told they're about to be in a lot of trouble.

Oh, gods,

they've been captured!

I thought they just ran out of trail mix or something.

It isn't easy to capture Gilius Thunderhead.

Whoever did it must be a genius.

-Your turn! -Now you!

I did a good one.

Now you go.

Gilius, who are these guys? And what are they doing?

The Bad Brothers, Death Adder's most loyal henchmen.

And they're celebrating catching us.

Should we slap each other to celebrate our next victory?

I don't think I'll like it, but I'll try anything once.

Looks like we caught ourselves a Gilius.

Where are your parents?

You think Ax and Tyris are his parents?

They're his ex-partners.

the mighty Hampton Squib.

More like Hampton Squish.

-Aah, big hammer! -Bruiser, no!

Death Adder wants the kid alive.

Wait. Really?

Well, that's kind of a bright spot

in an otherwise tough day.

But he's so smash able.

Why do we always have to do what Death Adder wants?

Because he's our boss?

And when we take over Yuria, he said we'd get riches.

Plural, which is something I really want!

Who cares about riches? I miss the old days

where we could smash stuff whenever we wanted.

And by stuff, I mean people.

Bruiser, there's more to life than being a bad guy

who smashes people with hammers.

No, there's not!

We could be bad guys who smash with swords,

or bad guys who write books!

You know, I have this one idea about a talking dog

and his best friend, a human who doesn't talk.

At the start, they don't like each other.

But in the end,

the guy eats the dog.

That sounds dumb,

-and books are dumb. -Nuh-uh!

You said they don't like each other at the start, and

he doesn't like him at the end, either, because he eats him.

That's not a twist, that's the same.

How dare you!

This is not a good idea for a book.

I said they were Death Adder's most loyal henchmen,

not his smartest. Time to go.

Come on, push.

You're too damn long!

Get to Chicken Leg! Quickly!

Hey! Get back here!

Emerald Blade... to me!

Why did you think that would work?

Something has to!

Time to go.

H'yah!

Aah, they're getting away!

Maybe from us, but not from my hammer.

Hammer!

Aw!

Nice throw, brother. You gonna put that in your book?

I know I should be focused on us getting out of here,

but I can't stop thinking about that book idea.

-It was so bad. -You've never read his writing.

His last book moved me to tears.

Aah!

Uh, Gilius,

is that a cliff?

Yup.

-Can Chicken Leg fly? -No.

But this guy can.

Is that Eagle Village?

What gave it away? The village or the eagle?

Gilius, we're coming in hot. We're coming in hot!

Oh, gods, slow down, slow down, slow down!

Excuse me, sir?

Rideable beasts are no longer allowed on top of the eagle.

-They have to ride below. -Since when?

Since they started biting little kids

and shitting in the drinking water.

Just go with the lady, and I'll see you when we land.

I hate to see him so upset.

You got to focus on the positive, Gilius.

We outsmarted the Bad Brothers!

Which, in hindsight, wasn't that hard, but still!

-We make a pretty good team. -We're getting there.

We're more than getting there, Gilius.

Death Adder wants me alive!

You're saying that like it's good news.

It is. If Death Adder wants the Emerald Blade,

that means you were right

about it being the key to defeating him.

You're right. I am right!

That's right. We just have to figure out how to make it work.

Ah, shit. I forgot about that.

-Ah! -What's that?

I've been making a list of things to try on the blade.

Like here I wrote down, "Feed it your own blood."

Might try that last. But fear not, I have a feeling

that you and I will solve this with the power of teamwork.

And as soon as we do, you and I are going to set out,

march straight to Ax and Tyris...

-You mean Death Adder's castle. -Nope. Straight to Ax and Tyris

to show them how wrong they were

and how happy I am with my new partner.

Gilius?

It's Ax and Tyris, from saving Yuria.

I've never met this boy.

Excuse me.

I think there's been a mistake.

I was put down here with the beasts,

but I'm clearly mostly man.

Tails and fur, you go down hur.

Human face, uh, uh, something, something...

Ah, you know, you don't have one. It doesn't matter.

This isn't fair!

Me and the panther should be up top.

Don't blame me, blame your father

for copulating with a horse.

It was a dare.

I am the result of a dare.

This is the most realistic doll

I've ever seen in my life. What is this stuffed with?

Is this hollow-boned boy your new partner?

I assure you my bones are not hollow.

I had the best doctors.

What is a doctor?

This is... Hampton Squib.

He doesn't always look so...

Feeble? Fragile?

Oh, easy to kill?

Well met, Humpton Squab.

Gilius, we haven't seen you

since you drunkenly abandoned us

to pursue some half-baked quest

that you swore would prove us wrong.

You were going after some kind of imaginary weapon.

You always make me laugh when you do foolish things.

Foolish?! The blade is very real,

and I found it. Show him!

Behold the Emerald Blade!

Whoa! It's small,

yet in his tiny hands, it looks huge.

Y-Yeah, well, it may be small,

but you should see what it can do when Hampton activates it.

Oh, it has powers. What does it do?

Well, it c... it can, um...

-It-it flies! -Whoa!

-Wait. What? -That's right.

If you think about stabbing your enemies in the eye,

it flies to their eye and stabs them right through it!

-Into their brains. -Gilius...

And then it wiggles around in their skull,

and... and then out the other eye hole.

Making them blind and also dead

from the whole brain-scrambling thing.

Seems like overkill. I like it.

Ah, you can't make this stuff up.

Gilius, can I talk to you for a second?

Gilius and I have to... get some apples.

Of course. There are apples right over there.

Hey, Gilius, I'm not an idiot.

I can tell you're embarrassed.

Look, it's just that sometimes you...

You're embarrassed because the Emerald Blade isn't working.

Oh, right. Right, yes, yes.

That... Yes, that's exactly what's happening.

I get it. You want to show Ax and Tyris that you're thriving.

I don't love lying,

but I guess they don't have to know the whole truth.

That's great! We'll pretend you're great

and everything is great!

-I am great. -They'll certainly think so!

We might just get away with this.

I forgot I don't like apples.

Aah!

Now what are you gonna hit people with?

Way to go, Gorblock.

The Bad Brothers thank the Bat Brothers.

And then Chronos tore Damned Hellstrike to shreds.

I saw all his organs.

And he doesn't remember killing his own father?

Chronos seems like a real cute cat,

but that is nothing compared to the blood

that Hampton and I have spilled.

Did you miss the part

where Chronos ate his own father's face?

Tell me, how many father's faces have you eaten, Humpton Squab?

It's Squib, and it's also Hampton.

And no dad's faces for me.

But we killed a slug.

A giant slug.

And we killed Death Adder's most feared general.

My gods. What was this foul general's name?

Tell me with your mouth.

Um, oh, it was, um...

Oh, Hampton, what was his name again?

Uh... Death... Death?

Death Death?

Yup. Death Death is dead. Dead.

That name rings true.

Thank you for vanquishing Death Death.

You're welcome.

I am so sorry.

I'm not here for a fight.

Just clearing my throat for an announcement.

"The eagle has been hijacked by the Bad Brothers,

and in one hour, they're going to fly the eagle upside down."

Yeah. So everyone falls off

unless they get the Emerald Blade

and the one they call "Hampton."

Thank you for your time and may you all rest in peace

and not be forced into an afterlife of servitude

to our dark lord, Death Adder.

Like me.

The Bad Brothers have chosen the wrong giant eagle.

There's only one giant eagle, Tyris.

The other one was eaten by the giant turtle.

With the three of us

and the wielder of the Emerald Blade to lead us,

we'll make short work of the Bad Brothers.

Can't wait to see that tiny blade in action.

Gilius, what do we do?

Just keep lying, Hampton. Just keep lying.

Aah.

Come on. That's good grease.

This is an outrage.

I'm 51% human. I know I have fur,

but I don't belong down hur.

Me, either. Guys like you and me should be up top

with the regular people feasting on jumbo shrimp.

I'd do it, and I'm not gonna feel bad about it.

I'll be honest. I don't like seeing all

of these long faces, no offense.

But of course you're down.

You don't belong down here.

None of us do. From the noble lion...

to the... whatever this guy is.

Cow.

It's high time we band together to reclaim

our right to the top of the eagle.

Yeah. Let's go!

Cow.

Our time has come.

Our time is now!

Follow me to freedom!

It's locked.

You'd think they would have left it open just a little

to make sure none of us were Frenching out.

That Hampton better show up soon.

If they turn the eagle upside down,

we're all gonna fly off.

It's a bad plan.

The Bad Brothers are nuts.

You know, I heard they were conjoined

until they cut themselves apart at their third birthday party.

Oh, yeah? Where were they joined? Hip? Leg?

Face? Ear? Knee? Toe?

Elbow? Shoulder?

What's our plan?

-All right, we rush in... -I'm asking Humpton.

-Really?! -Really?

If you are truly as great as Gilius says,

you should be in charge.

Oh, okay. Um... get them?

Let's do his plan.

-Ooh, dick? -Nah, man, it's the...

For Yuria! That was for Yuria.

You think you're tough,

but you've never faced Brennan the Intolerable.

I'm him.

I'm Brennan the Intolerable.

Here he goes. He's gonna do it.

I don't know where to put my hands.

Aw, what the heck, Gilius.

I wanted to see the whole brain-scramble thing.

Yeah, well, these weaklings don't deserve the wrath

of the blade.

-No, no offense. -None taken.

Now that offends me.

The Bad Brothers will be at the eagle's head.

We just have to pass through these woods.

Do the tree roots go all the way through the ground

into the eagle's back, or do they just stay in the dirt?

Also, who put the dirt there?

Skeletons!

Oh, gods, there's more!

I fear there are too many.

Might be a good time to use the Emerald Blade.

It's okay. You can handle this.

I tire of killing skeletons.

I wish to see the blade.

Okay. Uh...

Hey! Oh!

I love you. I love you so much.

Hey, I don't... Okay, uh, why is he kissing his dagger?

Answer the skeleton's question.

Why in the dragon's starfish is kissing on your list?

I don't know. I wrote down everything I could think of.

Why would you think of that, you absolute moron?

I can't do this anymore! Gilius is lying!

We have no idea how the Emerald Blade works.

-What?! -It worked once,

but then it stopped.

Gilius, is this true?

What can really be said to be true anymore?

This is intense.

Should we... attack?

Whoa! No! If the... if the heroes are arguing, you wait.

Did you just become a skeleton?

Gilius is embarrassed.

I told him he shouldn't be.

He found the blade and a wonderful new partner,

and I don't know why he's trying so hard to impress you.

Enough! We are surrounded.

We must waste our magic on these lowly skeletons.

Ow!

You know, it also occurs to me that we should free the eagle.

He's clearly not having a good time.

Smoked 'em. Now, shall we go kill the Bad Brothers?

No! You lied about the Emerald Blade

and about the doll boy's ability to wield it.

Did you even kill Death Death?

Now we must face the Bad Brothers with no magic.

Come, Ax. The Bad Brothers await.

I wish Chronos were here.

Me, too, Ax. Me, too.

Well, now you see what those two have been

putting me through for years, huh?

You're the one putting people through stuff, Gilius.

You lied all day about the blade and about me.

Of course it didn't work. Now I look stupid.

What's the alternative?

Tell them my new partner is the Chosen One

for a blade he can only make work on accident?

It's not the blade I'm embarrassed by, it's you.

Me? Gasp, Gilius, gasp!

See, that right there!

Ax and Tyris are real warriors.

And now they think I've left them for a child

who can't even gasp like a normal person.

Hey, that was better.

I have to go and help Ax and Tyris defeat the Bad Brothers.

-Stay here. -No! I'm coming with you.

Oh, no, you're not. Because if

you get anywhere near the Bad Brothers,

you're going to screw up and get captured.

Then they will have the blade, and we will have no hope

of defeating Death Adder, and all of Yuria will be lost.

You are very, very mean, Gilius.

Hey, pick that up, man.

Sorry, sorry. Wait a second.

Do you work for the eagle?

The logistics of this place are so confusing.

Hey, Rooster,

while we were tying up those pilots,

I was thinking about it, and I changed my mind.

-I like your book idea. -Really?

Even though there's not that many hammers?

Yeah, and when we get back to Death Adder,

I think you should pitch it.

M-Maybe I'll just pass it to some of the pig guards first,

you know, just to see how it plays.

Here's the plan.

I'll take the handsome one, you take the ugly one.

-Okay. -Ax, where'd you go?

I made that joke you love.

About one of the Bad Brothers being handsome?

Sorry, I forgot to laugh.

I can't believe Gilius lied to us.

Forget Gilius.

Which one of us should take the handsome one?

Don't steal my joke!

Look, I just want to say...

Oh, no need, Gilius. All is forgiven.

No, it's not!

Tyris is right. No, it's not.

Yet.

But it is now. Right?

Let's just focus on vanquishing our enemies.

That means she forgives you.

Yuria!

They're here!

And they didn't bring Hampton.

That means we can set our hammers to full bash!

We know it's a placebo.

-Hee-yah! -But it does make us

hammer harder.

Tyris, we must find a placebo of our own.

Gilius, I have a plan.

-I'm gonna throw you. -What? No!

Oh, no, no, no! Yeah, no!

Okay, one little drop.

Aah!

Why am I even going through this list?

I try so hard,

and Gilius turns his back on me at the first chance?

It's not fair!

Wait. It's working!

I don't know why, but it's working!

Okay, it doesn't like the dance. Noted.

Here I come, Gilius, to prove you wrong and to save the day!

I really wish we had our magic...

Gilius.

You didn't have to lie to us.

Yes, I did!

I had to prove to you that I knew what I was doing!

And when you showed up,

and we still hadn't figured out the Emerald Blade,

I knew you would just treat me like an embarrassment.

Oh, yeah, like how you treat Humpton?

That's different!

He's a Hampton, and I'm a Gilius!

Humpton. He's a Humpton.

Hey, you know how

we always giggle when we win?

You want to do one of those?

Brother, I'd love to.

All right, Gilius, give us the boy, and no one gets hurt.

Except for you. And Ax and Tyris.

And the boy.

Ooh, and this one skeleton

at Death Adder's castle pisses me off...

I'm going to hurt him real bad!

You fools, Hampton's long gone.

You'll never get him or the blade.

Yeah!

What are you doing here?!

Shut up. I'm saving Yuria!

It worked.

I never thought you'd figure that out.

Of course you didn't, because you don't believe in me,

and you never will.

I hope you're happy with Ax and Tyris,

because the blade and I are going to kill Death Adder.

This is just the beginning of the story of Hampton Squib...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hampton! Hampton!

-Gilius? -What happened?

It was Hampton. He used the Emerald Blade,

and the Bad Brothers dragged him off the side of the eagle.

We have to save him!

The boy you lied about?

We have to focus on Death Adder.

Hampton is how we defeat Death Adder.

Whatever, I'm going after him.

Hampton!

You know, Tyris, I really hope he finds Humpton.

If he lives. Also, it's Hampton.

You've been saying it wrong all day. "Hampton."

-Humpton. How's that wrong? -Hampton.

I'm saying what you're saying... "Humpton."

-Say "Hamp." -Hamp.

-Now "Ton." -Ton.

Now put it together. Hampton.

Humpton.

Are you messing with me?

I would never!

Can you believe this is all happening

-on the back of an eagle? -Wait. What?

Stay alert. When that door opens, we strike.

Okay, everybody steady.

On my mark.

Oh, wow.

You guys look angry.

Steady.

And you should be.

We forgot to feed you.

Guys? Guys?! The revolution?

The age of beasts, remember?

Is that rotten fish?

Not to be that horse-headed centaur,

but do you have any apples?

-No! -Oh.

Chirp.