Original subtitles

Isn't this beautiful, kids?

Your Uncle Jay has turned this into such a stunning restaurant.

Although I might have thrown a top on that racy statue by the door. But to

each his own.

For a five-star restaurant, they're a little slow with the crayons.

Wow, these prices are steep.

Okay, kids, you can order an appetizer and entree or have a college education.

Will you relax?

Jay is our half-brother. This will all be on him.

And if not, we'll just quietly sneak out of the restaurant like the Von Trapps

after that folk concert for the Nazis.

Tonight's not about money.

It's about getting to know our new family member and connecting with him.

Well, I'm going to be connecting with the lobster.

It's a defenseless creature that's been plunged into boiling water. How can you

even eat that?

With a side of garlic butter and a little bitty fork.

There he is, our only chef.

Jay, I love what you've done with the place. You never would have known this

used to be a kennel.

I mean, I wouldn't have known if we hadn't put Muffin to sleep here.

Jay, this bread is heavenly. Is that a hint of almond?

Wow, spot on, Hope. I'm impressed.

Well, personally, I find the addition of lemon to the ice water bold and

innovative. It's lime and okay.

You'll have to excuse us. Paolo and I are having some creative culinary

issues.

Dude,

I don't speak non-English, but if I were you...

I wouldn't start my car tonight.

Hold it now. I quit.

I'll just have whatever Paolo wasn't preparing.

Paolo, you can't quit.

To think I was best man at his green card wedding.

I don't know how I'm going to get through tonight without my sous chef.

Uncle Jay, maybe Mom could help you.

Hey, that's a great idea. Hope is a natural in the kitchen.

Guys, please. I'm just a caterer. I'm not a real chef.

Although, my many quiches were a big hit at that fundraiser for the blind.

And those people have a heightened sense of taste.

Hope, you would really be helping me out.

All right, then.

I'm going in. Point me to the kitchen.

Actually, it's the door underneath the word kitchen with the arrow pointing to

it.

Hey, uh, Jay, maybe I could help out, too.

Maybe I could be that person that stands in the ladies' room and hands out towels

and browbeats the customers for a tip?

I don't know. It's a very small restroom, and our customers tend to like

to go it alone.

Oh, and by the way, since you're all family... Wait for it.

Dessert's on the house.

Okay, don't panic.

When I give the signal, you start singing Edelweiss, and I'll sneak the

kids out of the back of the restaurant.

Where's Hope?

She's with Jay.

She had so much fun in the kitchen last night, she begged him to take her to the

fish market.

That's like the lamest make-a-wish ever.

Hey. Hey.

So, how'd it go? Oh, amazing.

There were so many types of fish I didn't know, but Jay schooled me.

Now, don't tell me that isn't funny.

I'll just let my stony silence do it.

You should have seen Hope at the market. The salesman was so charmed by her that

he threw in extra fish heads for stock.

For a chef, that's really cool.

Hey, speaking of extra fish heads, do you want to look at some of my old soap

opera episodes?

Trust me, you'd be more entertained just looking at old soap.

Faith, I would love nothing more than to watch your show, but I have an emergency

at the restaurant. I have to pick up tassels for the menus.

Hope to see you in a bit.

I should probably run that by Charlie. Run what?

Um, see, things went so well last night, Jay offered me

a permanent position as his sous chef.

Would that be okay with you?

Yeah.

I think that's great.

Is the employee discount deeper than the family one?

I think that's a little greedy, Charlie, considering that you ordered 18 desserts

on the house last night.

I'll see you in a bit. Yeah, see you there.

Nice.

Real nice.

You're just going to abandon your family because some stranger flashes some cash

in front of you?

That stranger is our brother.

And you know it's been my dream to work in a restaurant ever since I won that

Easy Bake Oven Chef of the Year Award.

And that was the year they allowed Japan to enter.

Please. You cooked an English muffin pizza with a light bulb.

It was a spinach and feta calzone.

And when I made that, you were still trying to master the intricacies of the

putty.

She just up. and abandoned her family like some sort of whale or sea turtle.

I wasn't aware that sea turtles abandoned their young.

Oh, they're the worst parents in the world.

You know, Dr. Lombard, for someone who displays wildlife posters so liberally,

you really seem to know very little about the animal kingdom.

Isn't it possible that you're jealous of Hope and Jay's bonding and you're

feeling left out?

Uh... I don't know if you really want to get into why Mr. Lombard left, but I

suspect it's because you don't bring a lot of chuckles to the conversation.

All right, fine.

Maybe I am jealous of Hope and Jay's relationship. There, you got me,

Inspector.

Good girl. That was a big step.

And just for the record, Mr. Lombard and I disagreed over the appropriateness

of his lengthy showers with his Ukrainian...

Intern. You.

My dime.

All right, let's get back to your jealousy over Hope and Jay.

I don't get it. He doesn't seem to want to get to know me.

Why do you think that is?

Everybody loves Hope.

Maybe it's because she always smells like cupcakes.

Well, Faith, I think you have a lot to offer, but...

Frankly, a little of you goes a long way.

Anyway, now, maybe, maybe you should find out more about Jay

and offer less about you.

But won't that be boring for him?

No, I don't think so.

But here's the challenge.

The next time you see Jay, you are not allowed to discuss yourself.

Okay, fine.

And here's a challenge for you.

Try incorporating a little color into your wardrobe.

Maybe then you won't lose any more husbands to Eastern Bloc bimbos.

I appreciate the enthusiasm, but only I get to say order up, because I'm the

boss. Aye, aye, Captain.

You know, let's just stick with order up.

Why is there a whisk hanging where my mallets are supposed to be?

Oh, well, you seem to do more whisking than pounding, so you put your whisking

and mixing right above, and you're pounding and rolling over there, because

I love you.

But what you had was madness.

I wonder if just a few cigarettes a day would kill me.

Immigration.

I'm kidding.

Faith, what are you doing here?

Just came down to see how my little brother's doing.

Find out all about your life, because, you know, I'm very interested in that

sort of thing.

Well, your little brother's in the middle of... Actually, I could use a

break. Um, cope, finish the veal, paper thin, dip in flour, sear on both sides,

and... Save any good ideas for that suggestion box you installed the other

day.

Aye, aye, Captain.

I mean, order up.

Oh, God.

And, by the way, which one of you jokers put sardines in the suggestion box?

Tommy, hit me.

Hey, I'll have what he's having, only a case of it, and then the trunk of my

car.

Thanks.

Well, here's to you. And getting to know you and everything about you and nothing

about me.

You, you, you.

Ah, yes.

The numbing false sense that everything's okay.

So what brings you down to the restaurant?

Uh-uh-uh.

This isn't about me. What brings you down to the restaurant?

I own it.

Fascinating.

So tell me, did you always know that you wanted to be a chef?

Because I always knew that I wanted to be an actress. Wait a minute.

You're not tricking me into talking about myself.

So tell me, first impression of me, what was it?

Tommy?

Leave the bottle.

Compliments of the sous chef.

What is that?

A little peace offering.

Even though you scoffed at my early culinary awards, I've made you some

delicious grilled calamari.

But my calamari's fried.

You might want to rethink that. Glen Falls was recently named fattest city in

central Ohio.

If you don't mind, you're interrupting.

Jay and I are having a dialogue, not a trialogue.

Oh, this is so exciting.

Just a week ago, I was eating here, and now I'm part of the team.

Go team.

Yeah.

Well, she certainly brings a lot of enthusiasm to the job, and she's

rearranged my whole kitchen, and she re-chops my vegetables when she thinks

I'm not looking.

You're preaching to the choir.

She cuts my meat.

Although, in all fairness, I ask her to do it.

She wanted to call the health inspector to brag about how sanitary the kitchen

is. She thought it would set an example for other restaurants.

It's the kind of thing that causes fistfights in the restaurant softball

league.

That's nothing. When we were little, she called child services on our mother

because she left a chicken thawing on the counter overnight.

So she's always been like this?

Oh, from day one.

In grade school, she was that odd little girl wiping down the monkey bars.

I'm really glad we had this chance to talk.

Yeah, me too.

So, can you help me out with something?

Anything.

What's the best way to fire Hope?

I was having that drowning dream again.

You know, the one where I'm drowning you?

We've got a big problem.

Jay wants to fire Hope.

What? Why?

Yesterday she said this has been the best week of her life. Yeah, but

consider her life.

What happened?

Well, you know how Hope can be particular about the way she likes

things? Are you kidding?

She sets out my clothes the night before. Tomorrow's brown loafers with

green v-neck, which totally washes me out.

Well, let's just say it's that special quality that makes Jay crazy, too.

It's not good.

She's gonna be heartbroken. I know.

That's why I convinced him to let us tell her. Oh, so we're gonna break her

heart? No, no, no. I've got a plan.

We're going to get her to quit before he can fire her.

Huh? A preemptive strike.

We're going to call it Operation Preemptive Strike.

You have no plan, do you?

Yeah, I came up with the name Operation Preemptive Strike. What are you bringing

to the table?

Brown loafers and a green v-neck.

Slice of pepperoni?

I, uh, I dropped it on the floor earlier, but you can just eat around the

dust.

What in the Sam Hill is going on here?

And why aren't you wearing your green sweater with your loafers?

Oh, yeah, I kind of spilled chocolate milk on that.

Charlie, that sweater is cashmere. Oh, no, no. No problem.

I washed it. It's fine. Look.

Stains out, see?

Mr. Lockstrom in April?

He has a houseboat in Amsterdam.

Oh, well, traveling is so educational, Hope, and spring is tulip season.

It's also the slow time of year at his massage parlor. Hayley!

Whoa, will you keep it down?

I was up all night watching The Exorcist. I will never go to church or

sleep again.

Charlie, what were you thinking?

He still has nightmares from El- in Grouchland.

Oh, my bad. I should have run it by you, but you were at work.

Charlie, give Hope a break.

She has every right to put her career ahead of her family.

If you can still call this a family.

I am not abandoning my family.

I get what's going on.

This is the worst performance I've ever seen.

Abort! Abort!

Justin! Dammit! I was so busy trying to rein in your overblown acting that I

lost track of the kid.

I can't believe you, Faith.

From the day I started working at Jay's, you've been completely unsupportive. And

you, Charlie, you know how much this job has meant to me.

How could you go along with this?

Oh, honey.

I'm sorry. We were just...

Trying to protect you.

There's something you need to know.

Save it.

I have no intentions of quitting.

I am going to go to work where I am appreciated for my talents.

Oh, and that is the last lamb chop I smuggle home for you, buddy.

My purse smells like meat.

Hey, Mom, and wait before you answer.

Can I go to a concert in Cleveland? I will have to stay overnight, but the guy

I'm going with is over 18.

Oh, sure.

Go ahead.

Stay overnight. You know what? Stay for the weekend.

Become a groupie.

Travel across the country with your favorite man. Yeah.

Wow.

They thank you?

Yes.

So, what's going on here?

You must be here with the Nantucket scallops. Are they extra succulent this

week? Oh, don't tell me. I want to be surprised.

Sorry, I'm not the vendor. I'm Perry, the new sous chef.

The what?

Sous chef.

It's like the chef under the main chef.

Yeah, yeah, I know what the sous chef is.

Yeah. Jay had to get rid of the last one. He had hired his sister, and she

was kind of driving him insane.

Insane? Really?

He said that. Yeah, he was kind of in a bind, so I was able to really stick it

to him.

Oh.

You're... here.

I was just talking to Perry, your new sous chef.

Apparently, the old one was driving you crazy and had to be replaced.

Question. How'd she take it when you told her?

Oh, you're the bossy sister.

I just stepped in and... I'm gonna...

I'm really sorry, Hope, but I'm sure Faith explained it all to you.

Some of it.

Anything.

Did my name come up at all?

So Faith knew.

That explains the little drama that was staged at the house this morning.

Look, I know I need to explain, but it would be a whole lot easier if we both

had a nice glass of...

Where did you put the sherry?

With the oils and vinegars and all the other long neck bottles, duh.

Oh, wait.

Our half-breed brother is going to fire you.

I hope you had better timing as an actress.

She knows.

Look, I tried to tell her we had a script and we rehearsed it, but, you

know, in the end, you're only as...

Good as the talent you're surrounded by.

Look, Hope, the truth is, I think you are very gifted in the kitchen, but you

do tend to overwhelm.

Like the garlic in your marinara?

Hope, you were a huge help, but all I needed was a sous chef, and you're more

of a head chef.

The point is, if we keep working together, we could lose our friendship,

and I don't want that.

Yeah, I wouldn't want that either.

Great. So tell me, which family member is going to make my lunch?

The neurotic soccer mom or the out-of-wedlock imp?

Either way, I'll start with the soup.

Why don't I take care of it?

Remember, cream and me.

Chicken stock, brand.

Me, chef. You, get out.

Hey, is everything okay between you and Jay? Because if it's not, I could

totally tell Dad on him, and he would be out of the will like that. And those

Indian arrowheads have appreciated like crazy.

What do you care? You didn't want me to take this job in the first place.

Only because I was jealous of you and Jay bonding.

But then my therapist suggested that if I wanted to get closer to Jay, that I

really shouldn't talk about myself so much.

Boy, was that a challenge.

I mean, you know, imagine being this and not being able to talk about it. It's

hard.

And yet you're so humble. I know.

But then the most amazing thing happened.

When Jay told me he was going to fire you, I stopped thinking about myself and

I started thinking about you.

Really?

Yeah. All I could think about was how can I protect her?

That's so sweet.

My only misstep was turning to the Shinnoski players.

So, that little sweater was just a prop?

Yeah, you've had a really rough day.