Original subtitles

First Brad dumps Jen, then Jude cheats on Sienna.

So disgusting.

All these men become available and I'm stuck in Ohio.

Well, I'm sure they'll call. Okay.

Got flour, butter, eggs.

Look at this. What kind of snootbag just leaves her groceries and expects the

rest of us to just wait around in line?

So sorry, I'll...

without the ennui of a Nes Paul.

Trudy?

Oh, hello, Hope.

I was just shopping for your party.

Every year, Trudy throws the most spectacular Halloween party. Or should I

say spooktacular.

I always like to make something, well, you know, kind of thematic.

Yes, you do.

This year, I'm making a haunted gingerbread house.

Marshmallow ghosts.

You know, it's not too late for you to get beat up by the other kids.

You know my sister, Faith?

Yes. Hard to miss.

Like your butt.

See, Trudy, by the way, what time is your party?

Actually, this year, I decided not to do the big thing.

Just an intimate gathering.

You know, a few close friends and relatives.

Right. Well, Halloween is a family time.

Stop it. What?

Come on, she's giving you the kiss off.

You are so cynical. You heard her.

She's just doing it smaller, you know, with close friends, relatives.

There you go, Mrs. Walker.

See you at the party.

Does anyone know where Mom hid the candy for the trick-or-treaters?

Actually, I convinced Mom to go healthy this year. We're giving out raisin

boxes, granola bars, oh, and baby carrots.

Oh, my God.

We're that house.

Yeah.

We've been that house ever since you two were born.

I'm just saying, if Charlie and I aren't invited to Trudy's annual party, it must

be because of something someone did.

Me? I barely know the woman.

All I know is she's got a big swing on her front porch that she doesn't like

strangers to enjoy.

We don't have to go to Trudy's party this year?

Today-ay-ay-ay.

I am the luckiest man and I'm alive.

Apparently, we didn't make the guest list for the intimate gathering.

Great. No party.

This year's Halloween is going to be 30 minutes of trick-or-treating and four

hours of Monday night football, as God intended.

Well, I was looking forward to that party. I had it on my calendar with

three exclamation points and a happy-faced jack-o'-lantern.

You know, I say the hell with Trudy. She's a big pain.

You know, I had a run-in with her on the job I did on her teeth whitening.

What? Well, like I told her, some people just skew towards yellow.

I guess asking if she ever chewed tobacco may have been a faux pas.

So you're the reason we weren't invited.

See, it had nothing to do with me using the bathroom in her pool house.

So much for going to Trudy's party.

So much for my haunted gingerbread house.

Too bad, because it was going to blow last year's gumdrop graveyard right out

of the water.

You can make the gingerbread house for us. We're people.

Everyone has a point.

We're not just people. We're party people.

You just got royally snubbed. You have to fight back.

Hey, yeah, you know what? I've already bought tons of toilet paper and shaving

cream.

You know, for if you get the runs or... Want to shave your legs?

So what if Trudy's having a party? You have one, too.

Hey, now, wait a minute.

Oh, I couldn't do that.

Christmas is my party. Halloween is Trudy's. The Murphys have a lock on St.

Patrick's Day. Everyone knows that.

You know, this is so typical of you, Hope, to just roll over and let Trudy

show you up.

Well, what else am I supposed to do?

Throw a rival party.

One time Susan Lucci had a party that I wasn't invited to, so I threw my own

screw-you bash.

Guy fell off my balcony, shattered his vertebrae, I got sued, and that is the

party everybody talked about.

But everybody's already going to Trudy's.

Well, I'm going to be here. And I'm a party magnet. And that's all you need,

baby.

I will give you 50 bucks to shut up about the party.

All right, Faith.

Let's do it.

I'm not wearing a costume. You'll be a gladiator. Crap.

Bad news, we're too late.

The only costumes left are a Cinderella one and... Prince Harry.

That's it?

Well, the lady says that she's also got some, like, fruit.

Giant bananas and grapes.

That could be kind of funny.

I'll tell you what, you take Cinderella, I'll do the fruit.

Yeah, you sure?

Yeah, I once played a cantaloupe in a commercial for the Melling Council.

Look, I have another great idea. I can use this cauldron as a punch bowl.

I'm gonna whoop Trudy's party's ass all over the place.

This is so cool.

I have never been a bad girl before.

Or said ass.

This is like the time she thought she was all street because she learned the

words to Who Let the Dogs Out.

Why, thank you.

These days it's so rare that a gentleman offers a lady his hook.

Do you think this is enough to say Pirates of the Caribbean, or should I do

the velvet coat and the boots?

I think you would look great no matter what you're wearing. Unless you're

married, but I don't see a ring on your hook.

Brent? Faith.

I don't know. Maybe I need a little bit more.

Oh, my God, he's gorgeous.

I know.

And I think he's interested.

Did you see how he was staring? He couldn't keep his eye off me.

I think this works.

Oh, that more than works.

That works a full-time job and raises the kids and still manages to keep its

girlish figure.

What are you doing? You're babbling.

I'm being charming in an offbeat way, like Meg Ryan. Shut up!

So are you from Glen Falls?

No, I'm here on business, but my cousin Trudy kind of roped me into sticking

around for this big Halloween party she throws every year.

Cousin Trudy Walker?

Yeah, but don't hold that against me.

Listen, I know this is kind of abrupt, but do you feel like going with me?

Another brainstorm.

I'm going to take those little hot dogs, carve them out, and call them

Halloweenies.

I am on fire.

Uh, Brent, this is my sister Hope.

She's a townie.

Nice to meet you. You too.

So, we're on?

Uh... No, I'm sorry. I have plans.

Oh.

Too bad.

Another lifetime.

Sydney, your Aunt Faith just did something very moral and good.

Now step back. Your in-faith feels nauseous.

And the gladiatorial games were originally established by the Etruscans

and then later adopted by the Romans as a form of entertainment.

No kidding.

Do you like football, Ned? Do you watch?

No.

The word gladiator comes from the Latin word gladius, meaning short sword, so

technically your sword is inaccurate.

Trust me, if it was real, I would have used it by now.

Okay, Justin, take these out and pass them around. Wait, I have to get a

picture of you in your cute little Nemo outfit.

Oh, no, there will be no record of me dressed like this.

You know, the stripper.

Or the hooker.

Or the stripper that hooks.

Oh, right.

Grapes can't talk. I love conceptual costumes.

Like me, going as Little Bo Peep.

First I thought, well, I'm going to need some toy sheep.

But then I realized, I don't need toy sheep.

Because I've lost my sheep.

See?

So, let's just have a little chat with Ned Feckler.

Question, can we never see him again?

What happened to your costume?

Oh, uh, I came up with a better one.

I'm... I'm a football fan.

You know that couch potato that just sits around watching football and tunes

out everybody around him?

It's conceptual, like Faith in the Grape or you and... Little Bo Peep, and I

don't have sheep because I'm... You lost your sheep, right.

Good stuff.

Just take these in there and pass them around.

You really want me handling food? Because old football fans have been

doing some serious scratching.

You know what? None of this would have been happening if you'd done a better

job bleaching Trudy's teeth. Hey, I did the best I could. The next step was me

slapping on a bucket of Navajo white.

Keep an eye on the stuffed mushrooms, will you?

Look, I know this isn't exactly the A-list Hollywood party you're used to,

so it, well, it means all the more to me that you're here.

And you know what?

I don't even care about being snubbed by Trudy, because I'm fighting back with my

own party, thanks to you.

Yeah, you should laugh. What kind of a mailman carries a monkey?

I'm not a mailman.

I'm famed zoologist Jane Goodall, who spent years studying apes in Tanzania

tormented by tsetse flies.

Yeah, I was gonna do that one, too, but I just knew so many other kids were.

I'm trying to figure out who's in more trouble, you or Aunt Faith.

You know, I cannot believe I agreed to do this. It is so not worth it to have

to breathe the...

Think of whatever loser wore this before me.

Plus, it makes me look way fat.

In fact, women were not allowed to herd sheep until the late 1600s.

Oh, look.

I've run out of little mini peaches.

Charlie?

You know, when you talk to me, it really spoils the effect I'm going for with

this costume.

For someone who can't find her sheep, you're still doing a good job of keeping

track of me.

Oh, by the way, I told Sidney to be home at 10 o'clock. It is now 10.20.

Charlie, relax.

Faith, we need some more avocado dip from the fridge. Haley, take these out

and pass them around.

By the way, the chimp and the flies, great touch.

You know, I was going to get myself a sheep or two, but that doesn't make

sense because I've lost my sheep. Lost your sheep, right.

Look, all I'm saying is it's a school night. Sydney has a curfew.

And if I have to be at this stupid party, so should she.

Charlie, you cannot expect a 17-year-old to want to hang around a party with

grown-ups. But if you're so worried, then just give her a call. She's over at

Maddie's. I think I will.

You know, he's just mad because we have to have this party.

That's all right.

I'll make it up to him later.

In the bedroom.

Some football fan might just get himself a little Bo Peep show.

Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Barb.

She's not at Maddie's. Well, try yourself.

An explanation.

All right.

Aunt Faith said I could have her car for a night if I pretended to be her so she

could go to Trudy's with that cute guy she met at the party store.

And by the way, your Halloweenies?

Inspired.

You do realize you're grounded.

What? What for?

For lying.

And for not coming to the party when I had to.

And Sydney?

It is not right to hide behind a disguise and pretend to be someone

you're not.

It's Halloween!

Stop arguing. People are waiting for food.

Who cares about the food?

Faith duped you into having this party.

Aren't you mad at her?

Of course I am. But I don't have time to be angry right now. I have

responsibilities to my guests, you know? My awful, mind-numbingly boring...

I hope it's okay. I invited him over for dinner tomorrow.

You have got to be one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.

Oh, I am.

Sidney!

What are you doing here?

Hey, how'd it go with your mom?

I think she's on to you.

I cannot believe you abandoned me.

You were supposed to be at my party, helping me, being there for me.

I can explain.

Here's my explanation.

Look at this guy!

You never change. You suck me into something, then whammo, you ditch me.

Oh, you have a party too, Hope. I'll be there for you.

That's all you need, baby.

Hogwash. Hogwash!

Will you pipe down? You're embarrassing me.

And I'm dressed like a hooker. No, no, no.

You told me to fight back. So here I am, fighting back.

And don't let the fruit costume fool you. I mean business.

Is there a problem, ladies?

Oh, Trudy.

Hello. I'm so sorry to show up at your party.

without being invited but uh i just had to come and convey a message to my

sister but i'm done now so uh good night and a very happy all hallows eve to you

and yours oh and um listen i i really do hope we can you know get past that whole

issue you had with charlie and you know your teeth

my teeth they're yellow trudy deal with it

I hope you being left off the list of invitees had nothing to do with your

husband's dental incompetence.

Then why didn't you invite her?

Oh, you must know I grew weary of your sister constantly trying to upstage me

every year with her Betty Crocker monstrosities.

The gumdrop graveyard.

The raspberry-filled vampires.

Well, I don't know if you noticed, but when you poked the vampires...

It was supposed to be blood. We get it. It's a hoot.

Are you gonna let her get away with that?

Oh, no.

And this will sting.

Actually, Betty Crocker recipes are surprisingly flavorful, while budget

-friendly, and have stood the test of time.

Oh, for God's sake.

Trudy, don't talk to my sister like that.

Her cooking is ten times better than the crap on a cracker you've been passing

around.

In fact, Brent's the only good thing at this raging-ass yawn fest, and he

doesn't even like you.

Faith, that's... She's right, I don't. I'm only here because our moms play

mahjong.

My sister is known as one of the best cooks and hostesses in Glen Falls.

Glen Hills and Glenwoods. And Glenchester, watch out!

If your sister's such a good hostess, then why is everybody at my party?

Hey, everyone!

Party at Hope Shanowsky's!

With good food and real music!

And I might take off my shirt.

You better score with those Halloweenies or you're shaking your nonnies too.

Thank you.

Here you go.

Take two. There's plenty. Take two.

Oh, come on.

I think what you did stinks.

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

It was wrong for me to abandon you.

If it helps, I felt so guilty.

that every time I looked at Brent, I saw your face.

Which was especially awkward when we were making out.

Anyway, I do appreciate, you know, you sticking up for me.

Consider it a free lesson in fighting back.

I think I fought back pretty good.

You looked a little scared when I was giving you the business.

It's easy for you to yell at me. I'm your sister.

You need to learn to stand up for yourself to people like Trudy who walk

all over you.

Yeah, I guess.

But don't worry.

I'll always be there to fight your battles with you.

And I promise, I will never, ever abandon you again.

Oh, look.

Brent just came in.

Do you have faith all squared away?

Because if you're still pissed at her, I could pop the trunk and get Ned.

You know, I didn't think it was possible for you to be more handsome without your

pirate costume.

I was wrong.

Uh, Brent.

You forgot the eye patch.

Oh, uh, no, I didn't. That's real, actually.

Look.

You're still really hot.