Original subtitles

I love you with all my heart.

Will you marry me?

Faith?

Faith?

What are you gonna do?

The only thing I can do.

And now, before these two are united in holy matrimony, if anyone here objects

to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.

I do.

I object because I'm the one you want to be marrying.

I'm the real Ashley Storm.

And that is my evil twin, Angela, who drugged me and buried me alive when I

threatened to reveal the location of the secret microfilm.

But what she didn't know is that my training in the Israeli army taught me

to hold my breath for over a half an hour.

while digging my way out with my own pants zipper.

No.

She's lying.

She's my evil twin.

I'm the one who was in the Israeli army.

Shalom.

Would you stop torturing yourself and turn that off?

It's never torture to see myself looking so beautiful.

Plus, this could be the only wedding I ever have.

Okay, look, I know you're hurting right now, but turning down Larry and the

Gooch was the absolute right thing to do.

Are you sure?

Yes. But holding on to Larry's ring was the absolute wrong thing to do.

Come on.

It was his grandmother's. It's not like she's going to be needing it again.

Give me the ring.

I believe I have a year to give it back.

That's for wedding presents.

Fine.

Stinks of death anyway.

I can't believe she turned you down. I know.

I'm so hot.

I don't know what to say, Gooch.

Faith is a cold-hearted witch who should be burned at the stake.

That's a little harsh.

I said I didn't know what to say.

I was so close to having her out of my house.

One minute earlier, she would have been on that plane to Japan with you. Damn

heightened security measures.

Hey, I'm the one who got dumped.

So what?

You're just gonna give up on her? You're gonna walk back to the dugout after the

first strike?

No. No!

You are gonna step back up to the plate and you're gonna swing for the fences.

You gotta get that chick out of my attic.

Look, I mean, I love Faith. I really do. But she made her choice. That's it. I

understand.

Hey.

What if I upped the ante? I could dip in my 401k.

I got a plane to catch.

Oh.

I meant to give you this.

I was going to send it to you when I got to Japan, but they don't make envelopes

shaped like shirts.

Hiroshima Carps jersey?

Where are the pants?

Oh. Hey, and you signed it.

Oh.

Gooch, man, I just, I wish I had something to give you.

Hey, you like these shoes?

Just pay for the drinks.

See ya.

See ya.

Oh, damn.

My wallet's in my car.

You like these shoes?

And these are the china patterns that I would have picked.

A hundred bucks for a play? And it doesn't even have a cartoon character on

it? What a rip.

The whole wedding gift thing is so wasteful.

Instead of gifts, why wouldn't you ask people to make a donation to charity?

Yeah, I'm really not a poor people person.

Nobody knows you didn't get engaged, so why not just register and take the loot

anyway?

Sweetie, you are gonna make someone a great ex-wife someday.

Don't worry.

That doesn't mean you have to give up your dream of being a stripper.

Well, I gave Larry your ring back.

Did he say anything about me?

Nothing I can say in front of the kids.

At least I'm in his thoughts.

He wanted you to have some clothes you left at his place.

Oh, good. My favorite skirt.

What? Nothing. I'm just so proud of you. You made a mature, rational decision.

Well, right back at you. I'm proud of me, too.

In fact...

I'm thinking about writing an inspirational book for other women who

find themselves proposed to by two semi-celebrities at the airport gate at

the same time.

Yeah, who can't relate to that?

Just out of curiosity, if you had to pick, which one would have been your

ticket out of this ghetto?

The gooch.

How come?

Because everyone knows that Latin men make the best... tacos.

They do.

The Gooch and me, we just had a spark.

Well, it's a good thing you didn't wind up with him then. Because sparks are

what start fires.

You avoided a huge disaster by not going to Japan with Gooch. I don't know if I

would go in a huge disaster.

Please, you alone in a foreign country with a guy you barely know?

I would have given a week tops.

A week?

Sweetheart, come on. You can't handle marriage right now.

And bless you for knowing yourself so well. Okay, first of all, I didn't

sneeze.

And what do you mean I can't handle marriage?

Oh, I meant it as a compliment.

For once in your life, you're grown up enough to know you're not grown up

enough to be married.

Somebody's little sister is starting to act like an adult.

Somebody's big sister is starting to sound like somebody's dead mother.

You know what I mean. You're not the same silly little Faith Fairfield who

almost ran off to Japan with her soulmate because her psychic told her

to.

You're different.

You're better.

Better?

A lot better.

In fact, the new Faith reminds me a little bit of,

dare I say, somebody's older sister.

And dare I say one more thing?

Why stop now?

Just three little words.

Good. For.

You.

Children.

Some duct tape and a shovel.

Come on, honey.

Turn that frown upside down.

There will be other men.

Not another man dumb enough to take her halfway across the world.

You know, I met a bartender who's perfect for her. I need to get in touch

with him anyway. He's got my shoes.

The last thing Faith needs is to rush into another relationship right now, and

she knows that.

I think Faith's changing.

For the better.

Was there any other direction for her to go?

Honey, give her a little credit.

I'm just glad she didn't get married on a whim.

Guess what?

We eloped!

What? I can't believe you just up and eloped like that.

It's called spontaneity, Hope.

By the way, if you're looking for your car, it's at the airport, Lot C.

Oh, oh, check out the wedding photos.

This big machine takes them for a dollar.

So now I am officially Mrs. Faith Gooch.

Gooch.

What is it again?

Gutierrez. Oh. Well, I'm keeping my maiden name.

But I'm married.

What's going on? I'm married, I'm married, I'm married!

That is so great!

When are you due?

More importantly, when are you leaving?

Well, we're gonna honeymoon here for a couple of days, and then we're off to

Japan.

We'll send you a postcard from the Great Wall.

Either way, enjoy that magical, faraway continent.

Wait, wait, wait.

Can we back up for a second?

What happened? I thought you were getting on a plane.

No, I was about to, but a very romantic somebody had me put on the no-fly list.

We got married in the airport chapel.

A storybook.

Actually, Hope, it was.

My maid of honor, Olga, is a flight attendant for Lufthansa.

She threw me a wicked bachelorette party in the frequent flyers lounge.

That Olga had some rack.

Sorry, babe.

I'm just getting used to, you know, being married.

That lady had lovely boobs.

Did I miss something?

Apparently, your Aunt Faith got it into her head that she would just go off and

get married.

as if she was buying eggs or a loaf of bread.

Cool, my uncle's a professional baseball player.

Can you come to career day?

What? He said it was canceled.

Gotta go.

Aunt Faith, I can't believe you got married and none of us got to be there.

Oh, we're going to recreate it right here. I bought enough rice for

everybody.

Well, you always dream of a day like this, and when it finally comes,

tears are always a surprise.

Here comes the bride, all dressed in semi-formal jeans and a striped top.

Hey, you didn't toss any rice.

Well, I wouldn't want to be impulsive and just throw it at you.

Might get in your eye.

See, Faith, I like to think things through.

This is about not being a bridesmaid? Olga, warn me, you might be bitter.

Can I have a word with you? Not until you throw rice at me.

Thank you.

Kitchen. Now.

You know, Japanese fishermen have been slaughtering whales for years. With your

influence, we could prevent their imminent extinction.

Don't worry.

Chances are your kids won't be this smart.

I mean, even for you, this doesn't make sense.

Okay, can we speed this along because the reception starts in ten minutes?

Hope you're ready to make your toast.

Okay, here's my toast.

What the hell is wrong with you?

I feel like you're just phoning it in.

Why are you trying to ruin my big day? You can't be serious. This whole thing

is a joke.

I see. So now you're stealing my toast from your wedding.

I don't get it. I thought you were doing the right thing. I thought for once...

You are going to be mature.

Well, I'm not. And I never will be, so... Okay.

Just tell me this.

What changed between this morning and you using the Homeland Security Act to

get Gooch off the plane?

I had time to reflect.

And I realized that I am ready to be Mrs... Whatever his last name is.

You see? You don't know anything about the Gooch. I know that I love him.

And the rest of that stuff will come later.

That stuff is important.

I mean, marriage is about... It's about friendship and trust and compatibility.

Charlie and I dated for two years before we got engaged.

We knew each other. Hey, at the risk of repeating myself...

Fine.

I just want to go on record as saying that when this hasty little marriage

falls apart, I... will not be there to pick up the pieces.

Well, I just want to go on the record as saying that you're not the only one that

knows how to be married.

This marriage will work.

You know something?

Olu was a lot more supportive than you, and I couldn't understand a word she was

saying.

Gooch! Honeymoon me!

You want to talk about it? Not really. Okay, good stuff. I'm gonna go hit a

bucket of balls.

She's absolutely not ready to be married.

So close.

And the way she did it, eloping, what is up with that?

Right there with you.

I just don't get it, Charlie.

I heaped praise on her for being mature, and not two seconds later, she does the

most immature thing she possibly...

Well, seems like you got a good grip on it. I'll be on myself.

She is still a child!

Honey, you need to settle down or fill the sink with milk.

I don't want to settle down!

And you know what?

All you care about is that she's married off and you're rid of her.

Huh.

Did you ever think she might be back in a month?

When all things fall apart?

And we'll be expected to pick up the pieces?

Yeah, we're good for the month, right?

I'm serious, Charlie.

She rushed into it and it's not going to work.

It's the Nixon tattoo all over again.

I think you're angry because Faith didn't do what you thought she should

do. Did it ever occur to you that it might work out with her and the gooch?

You know what, honey?

Let me just cut through all the marital nice talk.

You're an idiot.

Yeah, well... Your cookie dough is way too gluey.

That is so much worse than what I just said to you.

Just think about it. They're both superficial, immature, washed-up

celebrities. If they could love each other half as much as they love

themselves, who knows?

We could be dancing at their 50th.

Provided I haven't moved on to my trophy wife.

Yes.

But look, you may not believe this, but the Gooch really does love her.

You don't know that. Yes, I do. He told me. He tells me a lot of important

things.

You know, his father never held him as a child.

Is that true? A very cold, sterile man. Worked for the railroad, I think. No!

About the Gooch loving her.

He really does.

And you've seen how she is when she's with him.

You're right.

She does seem happy when she's around him.

And she's been a lot nicer to the neighborhood cats lately.

It seems like you've got two choices.

You can either accept this marriage or you can risk losing your sister forever.

Now, I would lean to the second option, but I know how miserable you'd be.

I would be miserable.

Just go talk to her.

You're right.

I will.

Thanks.

Mmm, good.

Well, those balls aren't going to hit themselves.

Oh, by the way, do you have any idea what your daughter did this morning?

Nope, don't even care which one. Bye.

You smell that?

Hope's baking.

She must be really upset.

I don't get it. I thought she'd be really happy for you. Did you see the

look on her face when she saw my veil? It was like I smacked her with a bag of

nickels.

So you're happy that your sister's not happy?

Oh, the cute ones are always so slow.

She told me I was right to turn down your proposal.

She actually said I was rushing into it. Can you believe that?

Well, maybe she's just looking out for you. No!

She said we never would have worked, but see?

It's our 17th hour anniversary, and we're doing great.

Who's wrong now, Hope?

Hey,

I know.

Let's make love really loudly so she can hear how happy we are. Okay, okay, but

we are happy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do it over by the door.

Wait a minute. Why does it matter if she hears us?

So she knows that I'm right and she's wrong.

And that's important why?

Spoken like an only child.

I have four brothers and three sisters.

Really?

Well, we'll all have to get to know each other someday.

Now, let's show Hope how much we love each other.

Drop the undies.

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait.

Did you only marry me to prove some point to your sister?

I also wanted to rub her nose in it.

The fact that I actually love you just sweetens the pot.

Wow.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop getting dressed.

You're going the wrong way. We're supposed to be headed towards

Nakedville. I don't believe this.

What are you doing? I'm packing.

Honey, you don't need luggage in Nakedville. You should know that. We

were just there.

It's over, Faith.

I'm going to Japan.

Alone. Oh, no, you don't. We are a happily married couple.

And you will stay here and prove to my sister that we can't make this stupid

marriage work.

I don't care what Tom Cruise says.

You need to be medicated.

Hi.

Well, look who dropped by unannounced, raising all sorts of privacy issues.

Can I come in?

Uh, I prefer you didn't.

Gooch is having a siesta, as his people do.

Well, since you had such a quick wedding, I made you a cake.

It's a little crooked.

I threw it up against the wall at one point.

Same thing with me and the Gooch.

Faith, I had no right to question whether your marriage would work out or

not.

Apology accepted.

See ya. For all I know, you guys will outlast Charlie and me.

Are we done here?

Because Gooch could be waking up for his second round.

Because we're totally nuts about each other.

Just one more thing.

I know this is going to sound crazy, but I was upset.

I felt like you kind of ran off and got married just to spite me.

That does sound crazy.

Now get out of here, you kook.

And I just want to say...

That I think you and Gooch make a great couple.

And I'm sure you'll have a long and happy marriage.

Hey, Hope.

I'm out of here.

Okay.

Where's he going?

Off to the gym. Bye, sweetums. You're crazy!

Crazy about you, you big steaming pile of machismo!

All right, Justin, as requested, one pancake shaped like Mickey Mouse.

And Haley, as requested, one pancake shaped like a saltwater mollusk.

For future reference, only the freshwater ones have antennae. For

future reference, next time it's waffles.

Uh, so what is mine supposed to be shaped like? Like a breakfast you didn't

have to make for yourself.

Oh, yeah. Now I recognize it.

my publicity shot from Circus of the Stars.

It sounds like somebody likes married life.

Oh, likes married life doesn't even begin to describe how much I likes

married life.

Isn't the Gooch gonna come down and have breakfast with us one of these mornings?

Is he avoiding us because of the way I reacted when you first got married?

Uh, yeah.

I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but

he hates your guts.

What about me?

He likes you fine. Yes!

God, I feel awful.

What can I do to make it up to him?

Well, he is a breast man.

Perhaps he could pay for my implants.

I saw that you registered for those.

But no.

There must be something biological that happens to a woman after she says, I do.

I mean, who knew that I love to cook?

This is crazy. Why don't I make a nice dinner, you guys come down, and we can

all eat together as a family.

Well, I'm willing to, but I don't think the Gooch will.

He said, and I quote, she can go spit to the mountains.

It loses some of its ferocity in translation.

All right, that's it.

I'm going to go upstairs and talk to him. No, no, no, you can't.

You'll offend his fiery Latin temperament.

He'll pick up a bat and split your head open like it's a piñata.

And when no candy comes out, he'll be even madder.

I saw him go off on a mascot once.

Feathers everywhere.

Look, I'll talk to him.

I know how to do that because I'm his wife.

And we're happily married.

So, Mrs.

Gutierrez, when does Japan get to welcome the happily marrieds? Oh, soon,

soon.

Fascinating country, really.

The kimonos.

The wasabi.

The way everyone fights in slow motion.

Door, please.

Look out, Gooch. Here comes your little geisha.

Poor Japan.

First the bomb, now faith.

Yeah, I know. Thanks for calling me back.

I, uh, I have a question about our biology midterm.

What's our teacher's name again?

You know what? Uh, let me call you right back.

Okay, bye.

What are you doing?

Oh, the Gucci's making me eat an extra plate. He doesn't think I have enough

junk in the trunk.

I know I've only been lying full-time for, like, four years now, but come on.

All right, Sid, if I tell you something, do you promise not to tell your parents

that Gooch left me three days ago?

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Why?

The details are fuzzy.

Look, the important thing is that I don't want your mother finding out that

my marriage didn't last.

But your marriage didn't last. Hey, let's talk after you've been married a

couple of days.

Relationships are hard.

Now, help me eat.

Hey, but why?

Because your mother has this annoying habit of going through the trash. Heaven

forbid I forget to recycle a can or throw away a lit cigarette.

I figured my parents are dumb, but, I mean, they're not that dumb.

Eventually, even they figured out that no one gives cello lessons at 11 o'clock

on Saturday nights.

Don't worry. I'm gonna find the gooch. I've been searching Japanese phone books

online. So far, nobody there knows where he is, but I'm only halfway through the

A's.

He's not in Japan.

So, Mr. Okanaba was telling the truth.

Yeah, I saw him, like, yesterday.

He's still in town?

I don't believe it. He couldn't leave me. Where did you see him?

At the batting cages at school.

Oh, my God! Sydney, you were at school yesterday?

Sort of.

I was under the bleachers.

At least you were on school property.

Good for you.

Please, Coach, hear me out.

No. I just ordered must-love dogs on pay-per-view. It's coming on any minute.

I called every hotel in town until I found a Mr. Seymour Booty registered.

I knew it was you.

Seymour Booty.

That cracks me up. Yeah, me too.

See, we're perfect together.

And yes, I got sucked into Hope's drama. But I mostly married you because I love

you. And you love me.

I mean, why else haven't you gone back to Japan?

Are you kidding?

They're going to charge me 50 bucks to change my ticket.

Really?

What's this room costing you? 75 a night.

Damn it.

Look, can I come in?

I feel like a hooker trying to seal the deal.

Look, Gooch.

For three days I've been acting like you haven't left.

I've even pretended to have sex with you.

But it's not as much fun as when you're actually there.

Except this one time, but I'll show you how to do that.

Why don't you just diagram it and I'll check it out later. Already have.

I don't think I've been that way.

Come on, baby.

We belong together.

I mean, why else did you ask me to marry you?

That's why I asked you to marry me.

And that's why I said yes.

Plus,

I wasn't about to be outdone by that guy Larry.

I mean, come on.

He's a third-rate newscaster.

Excuse me? Okay, second rate. I'm feeling the warmth of your body. It's

making me feel generous. Oh, wait a minute.

Are you saying you only proposed to me because Larry did?

No, baby.

I... I love you.

And marriage, it's... It was part of my long-term plan. I mean, it was right up

there with monogamy.

And kicking steroids.

But sometimes you just get drawn in, you know, to the bidding war.

Bidding war?

That is so insulting.

Oh, how is that worse than you marrying me to prove some point to your sister?

That was three days ago. Are you still on that?

I don't think we should be married at all. No, no, no. Come on, come on. Let's

just, uh... Let's just get going on the diagram, right?

Forget it.

I still have my dignity.

Malcolm Gooch is so famous.

Eh, Glen Falls is a hard luck town.

Other than the Gooch, we've had one lady bowler with the ironic name of Janet

Dykstra.

Uh, look, my son and I wanted to get this framed.

Hey,

the Gooch is Hiroshima Carp Jersey.

Hey, you sure you don't want to sell this? No, no way. That baby's going up

over the fireplace.

I'll give you 300 bucks.

You know, I could always get another one.

The Gooch is my brother-in-law and, uh, my best friend.

I thought Mom was your best friend.

Your mom didn't hit 34 home runs last year, did she?

All right, Frank, 200 signed card for the charity.

God bless those kids.

So if you just give me my cut in cash, that'd be great.

Hey, Justin, Charlie, how's it going? Oh!

You know, pretty good.

Just buying this jersey off your buddy here.

You selling the jersey I gave you?

No, I was... No, no, no, hey, hey, it's okay.

I just see you in a different light now, that's all.

No. Yeah, forget it. Just throw that in the charity pile. God bless those kids.

See? Back to the old light.

So, when are you and Faith taking off?

Take it off.

She didn't tell you? We had a fight. I left her four days ago.

She's been bringing food up to you and having conversations with you. You two

have been kind of loud with your honeymoon activities.

What did Aunt Faith want you to give to her anyway?

Hey, Frank, a baseball card for the kid, huh?

I can't believe it's over.

Well, it's true.

Can't you take her to Japan anyway?

I mean, she's blonde.

That ought to fetch a pretty penny on the black market.

Are you serious?

He's gone?

Yep. Broke up the day after they got married.

But what about all that food and that noise they've been making?

Apparently, she's a better actress than we thought.

But that's crazy.

Exactly.

Certifiably crazy.

But... There is a silver lining. I checked out the website for the Glynn

Falls Behavioral Institute, and they do have a bed opening up.

Charlie. At least look at the brochure. If you ignore the straps on the beds, it

just looks like a nice hotel.

I can't believe she's just been lying to me.

Do you know how bad I felt for not supporting that ridiculous marriage?

I almost put a pair of boobs on layaway.

Well, it's a good thing you didn't, because he dumped her.

What? You said they broke up.

You never said he dumped her. Dump broke, what's the difference? She's

still here.

Which brings us back to the Glen Falls Behavioral Institute.

A warm, professional community.

Charlie, there is a huge difference between breaking up and getting dumped.

He walked out on her and she's been dealing with it all by herself.

Poor Faith.

Wait a minute. No!

What happened to all that anger? Remember the boobs I lay away?

You were duped.

Duped!

Charlie, she's my sister.

Duped!

Her heart is broken.

Duped!

I'm gonna go talk to her.

I can't believe she's been putting herself through this because of her

pride.

Can we at least consider some restraints on our bed here?

How much longer? My arms are killing me.

Keep going. And faster. This tempo is too Jurassic Park.

Right, but you know, you're eventually going to have to tell my parents the

truth. I'll tell them when I come up with the right story. I don't want to

look ridiculous.

Oh, Gooch, you're really awesome!

All right, that's it. You're done.

Faith, it's me.

How rude.

She's got a lot of nerve showing up when I'm trying to be intimate with my

husband. Quick.

Pretend you're the Gooch. Under the covers.

Faith.

Oh, hey, Hope.

Listen, now's not a really great time. I mean, for you. For me, it is.

A really great time.

I need to talk to you.

Okay, but make it fast.

My husband's sleeping. If he reaches over and I'm not there, my pillow's in

trouble.

Isn't there something you need to tell me?

Yes.

But I could tell you better with tweezers.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my husband and I need to bathe each other. May I borrow

a loofah?

Okay, enough with this.

I mean, Dios mio!

Oh my God, this is not my room.

Was I sleepwalking again?

Okay, get out. Get out.

I'll talk to you later.

Dios mio.

I knew I should have used Haley.

Faith, why didn't you tell me the gooch left?

Because you said I couldn't handle marriage, and I wanted to prove to you

that I could. So go ahead and gloat. You were right.

I want you to be happy.

Well, I'm not.

I know you look at me and you think I have it all.

But there's this really weird part of me that just wants what you have.

Wait, really?

Yeah.

You have a great relationship.

Someone who loves you unconditionally.

I guess I just wanted a Charlie.

Aw.

You want a...

A Charlie. Well, not Charlie. I mean, I'm not gonna fly coach.

Well, for a second there, you nudged up against nice.

Yeah, I know. That happens when I get tired.

I really thought that Gooch and me could make it work, but... turns out he only

proposed to me because Larry did.

Are you kidding, really?

Yeah.

It was just some dumb competition, and not the classy kind like with bikinis

and a musical number.

Point is, I'm just not cut out for marriage like you said.

Of course you are.

You're going to make someone a wonderful wife someday.

Just not now.

I'm running out of time.

I mean, sure, I can still pass for a hard-living 18-year-old, but that's not

going to last forever.

Faith. I promise you'll find your Charlie. All right, say his name one

more time. I'm going gay.

Well, I'm just glad you're sticking around.

I would have missed you.

In the meantime, you have to get your marriage annulled.

Great.

I'm single again.

Now I'm really going to need those boobs.

Okay, standard marriage annulment. This shouldn't take long.

Thanks for postponing your flight so we could take care of this gooch. No

problem. Thanks for coughing up the 50 bucks for the ticket change.

Hey, do you think they'll upgrade me if I tell them a relative died?

So, on what grounds are we basing this annulment?

Grounds? Oh, we don't have any property.

Faith? Wake up. He's not talking about property.

We'd like to do it right here, on your grounds.

It's not an act.

This is really them.

He wants to know why you shouldn't be together.

I need a compelling reason or I can't dissolve your marriage.

Put down abandonment. He left me alone night after night after night after

night. After night. Yeah, five nights. I had to pretend to have sex with him.

No one asked you to. No one asked me not to.

If someone asked you not to jump off the Empire State Building, does that mean

you won't do it? I might. Fine, don't jump. He threatened me. Did you hear

that?

I demand a restraining order.

I think we'll just go with diminished mental capacity.

All right, so if you two witnesses will please...

Initial here.

I just have to ask, what possessed the two of you to get married in the first

place? And you two, you seem like reasonable people.

Why would you let them?

Well, it's kind of a long story, but basically, it's her fault.

Oh, like you weren't trying to ship her off to Japan.

Me? None of this would have started if you hadn't let her in the house.

Oh, Charlie, it'll just be a couple months.

What? I only have time.

for one annulment today. So there, please.

If you two will initial at the X's.

I guess we were pretty naive.

I mean, just because we're incredibly hot doesn't mean we should be married.

Yeah.

You still think I'm incredibly hot?

Faith, I never stopped thinking you were incredibly hot.

I never stopped thinking you were incredibly hot either.

Okay, good.

Everybody thinks everybody's incredibly hot.

Keep signing.

You know, Gooch, no matter what happens, I'll always want you.

Unless you go bald.

Same goes for me.

Unless you get fat.

Or get pink eye.

Okay. Sign, sign, sign. You know what's so funny?

Now that you're no longer my husband, I remember what I saw in you in the first

place. I know. Now that you're not my wife, I've never wanted you more.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Kissing is not signing.

Here.

Here you go.

Come here. Here you go.

Charlie, a little help here?

Question.

Committing a person against their will, where's the legal line there?

I'm really nervous about Aunt Faith's breakup.

This is going to be a real tough one. I don't know if I can handle all the weepy

hysterics. It's okay, honey. She'll pull through.

I was talking about Dad.

Honey?

Are you alright?

I'm fine.

I accept she's never leaving.

But we could move.

What about Santa Fe? It's hot, but it's a dry heat, and you know how you love

turquoise.

Honey, you know she'll find us.

Well, we said our goodbyes. Three times.

Four for me.

Really?

Nice.

Hey, thanks for everything.

Oh, it was nothing.

Yeah, I know. I'm just trying to be polite.

Hey, babe, next time I'm in town.

Give me my first drunken booty call, okay?

Aw, that's sweet.

You know, this is the kind of failed marriage I always dreamed of when I was

a little girl. Yeah?

Yeah. Bye-bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye-bye.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Jeez!

I never thought he'd leave.

Look out, Blim Falls!

Stallone Guchara's Fairfield is back on the market.

Ah, good for you. You know, and since you're back on the market, I think I

found a great singles resort for you.

Hey, I've been here before.

This place is a psycho ward.

See if you can get me the Lakeside Suite.

Oh.

Okay.