Original subtitles

Wow, 95.

That is unbelievable.

I'll tell you what's unbelievable.

He grabbed my butt.

And I liked it.

And I gotta tell you, Hope, the food looks beautiful.

There's just one little thing you forgot.

What?

If they can't suck it up with a straw, it shouldn't be on the menu.

Well, it's 4 o'clock. I better go get the cake before the birthday boy falls

asleep.

Potentially for the last time. Hurry.

This is such a lovely party.

Why, thank you. My sister did most of the cooking, but the champagne glasses

filled with denture soak was my idea.

You're in business with your sister. Oh.

I used to be in business with my sister, too, but unfortunately, we had a falling

out and haven't spoken since Pulp Fiction came out.

She thought it was derivative.

I thought it was groundbreaking cinema.

Oh, that's awful.

There's nothing you can't forgive a sister for.

If there was, I'd have done it by now.

You're right.

And she's only a few miles away at that fancy retirement home over in Spring

Falls.

They have the good walkers with the tennis balls on the bottom.

Why don't you just hop on a bus and go see her?

Well, you see, I can't. Our families don't speak either, and they won't allow

us to leave the premises without family consent.

Well, that's awful!

of mine to sneak you out of here the back of my car myself oh you got spunk

missy yeah yeah you got a little too right here

oh before i forget here you go a check for the balance of the bill oh

why thank you sir and thanks again for letting me participate in the wheelchair

race why don't i hold on to that what you don't trust me with the money Of

course I do. Just an hour ago, I gave you 50 cents to put in the parking

meter. Oh my God, is that what that was for?

See, that's why you're not holding the check. Now go put the money in the

meter. I think I lost it.

In the candy machine.

Great. Well, I don't lose things, which is why I'm keeping the check. Now, let's

present the cake.

Don't lose things, eh?

Well, we'll just see about that.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

Okay, people, that's enough.

Life is short.

But I don't have to tell you that, do I, sir?

Now make a wish.

Oh, for God's sakes.

Now who wants a cup of cake?

I'll bring this inside.

You start to unload the trunk.

Wow, the trunk.

You sure I'm responsible enough?

You know, this quiche could use just a pinch more tarragon.

I know. That's what I keep telling her, but you... Wait a minute.

What are you doing in there?

Escaping, like you said.

Whoever was driving the getaway car needs to ease up on the brakes. Couple

of times there, I thought I might toss my cookies.

But I gotta hand it to you. This was a great plan for breaking me out of the

retirement home.

Plan? What plan? I was kidding.

You were?

Oh, man, I am so gullible.

Hey.

Hey.

What do you think you're doing?

Helping you unload the trunk.

Okay, that's it.

First, I can't handle the money.

Now, I can't unload the trunk. What's next?

I can't reuse the meat.

Whatever you broke, it's coming out of your half.

Help me out of here. I'm getting a little buzz from that gas can.

Okay, that's it. I'm taking you right back to the retirement home. Oh, no,

don't. Please just let me spend the night. First thing tomorrow, you'll take

me to see my sister. Then I'll go straight back to the retirement home.

No, you...

Stay here, Sylvia. I got a bad track record with taking care of things. I got

eight hamsters buried out back that would agree with me.

Besides, I'm trying to prove to Hope that I'm responsible.

Is that why you stole the check out of her purse?

That was different.

That's exactly how it started with Ruthie and me.

Now she's gonna die without ever knowing how much she really means to me.

Come on, Sylvia.

Don't be so negative.

Maybe you'll die first.

Hey!

How was your party?

Well, I don't want to brag, but one person said it was better than the

Truman inauguration.

Oh, hey, Danny from Citibank called earlier?

Really? Yeah. Did he say anything about our small business loan?

No, he just left his number.

Well, did he have a, yes, I'm giving your catering company money to... Rent a

larger space inflection? Or was it more of a keep cooking out of your house and

make do without an industrial oven sort of tone?

No, he just left his number.

Where'd you get that?

The mini-mart was having a five-finger discount.

Oh my gosh, you stole it? Justin, what were you thinking?

Relax, everyone does it. Joey Brosolino?

can get 89 gummy worms into one sock.

You are so dead. I'm telling Dad.

Telling Dad what?

Um, it's about your Father's Day surprise, which Haley would totally ruin

if she were to tell you.

Father's Day isn't for months.

Well, you see, Dad, that's why you always get a tie. You never let us plan.

By all means, plan away.

Hey, chocolate.

Nice. Thank you.

Morning,

sleepyhead.

What are you doing here? Well, I didn't sleep very well last night.

And it's not because I had rockin' good sex with Charlie.

Yes, I know. I heard you playing Phantom of the Opera.

Look, I feel bad about our fight yesterday.

I mean, if I keep assuming you'll do careless things, then you will.

So from now on, I'm going to assume that you're responsible.

How's that?

Oh, hi.

All right, you caught me.

I've taken a lover.

You snuck this woman out of the retirement home?

They must be worried sick about you.

Oh, they won't miss me. If I'm not in my bed, they'll just think I got lucky.

I'm kind of a free spirit.

Look, I didn't mean to sneak her out. She hid in the trunk.

I know it was wrong for me to let her spend the night, but she hasn't spoken

to her sister in ten years.

Can you even imagine that?

Only in a perfect world.

Sylvia, get dressed. You're going straight back. Of course. The last thing

I want to do is cause the two of you to fight.

Last time I saw my sister, we fought.

Let's just take her to see her sister. It's not like she's asking for a kidney.

Although I am in the market.

I still think we should have let Dad handle this.

Haley, would you relax, okay? I know what I'm doing.

Aren't you ready?

Excuse me, sir. Hi.

My little brother has something that he'd like to say to you.

Yesterday, I stole a chocolate bar.

It was past the expiration date.

But that doesn't make it right.

And I'm really sorry. And I'll never do it again.

Here's the money for it.

Well, I thank you for your honesty, young man.

See? Now, just hang on one moment while I call the police.

You don't think I'm going to let him get away with it just because he flashes a

couple of dimples, do you?

Now what do we do?

Run!

All right.

Ten minutes. That's it. We have to get you back to the retirement home before

they realize you're missing. Thank you, Hope. You're not nearly the tight-ass

Faith said you were.

Hey, Ruthie. Oh, get away.

Check this out, the 4 o'clock.

No, Ruthie, it's me. It's Sylvia.

Oh, my God.

Sylvia! Oh!

Oh, God.

Ooh, you've been working out.

Oh, well, they turned our nap room into a gym.

Listen, Ruthie.

I'm just sorry about our falling out. Oh, no, no. It was my fault.

I should have trusted you.

Computers were an affair.

Is it too late to get in?

Yes.

Seeing them makes me think about the two of us growing old together one day.

Look, I just want you to know that when you grow old and become a burden to

everyone, I'll have no problem pulling the plug.

Same goes for you.

I'm serious, Faith.

I don't ever want anything petty to come between us.

Which is why I'm letting you hold on to our paycheck.

Oh, that's okay. I mean, you know, I'll get the next one.

That's so weird.

Where is that check?

Oh, don't worry about it. I'm sure it'll turn up sooner or later. Come on.

Let's go drum up some business.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

Have you given any thought to a nice, tasteful buffet after your funeral?

You know, if you don't plan ahead, you could end up with Moroccan food.

And then nobody's happy.

I can't go to jail. I'm a hall monitor.

Do you know what they do to hall monitors on the inside?

Bailey, would you relax, please? The guy doesn't know our names, and he has no

idea where we live, so...

Let's just all agree that we're not going to tell Dad about this, okay? Tell

Dad about what?

Uh, about the Father's Day thing. It's going to be huge.

Brothers and sisters stick together. It's the code.

Justin stole the candy bar. I had nothing to do with this.

I'm looking for a, uh, Hope Shanowski or Faith Fairfield.

A woman is missing from the retirement home where they catered a party

yesterday, and I just wanted to know if they saw her leave with anyone.

Oh, uh, well, my wife, Hope, isn't here right now.

Here's her cell phone number. You can call her.

Just take it.

Oh, hey, thanks a lot.

You know, when Father's Day comes, you are going to be laughing so hard about

all of this.

Come on, we should get going. Two minutes, I'm about to seal the deal.

Hey, wake up!

Hello?

Oh, hello.

Officer Wilson?

Missing from the... Glen Falls Retirement Home?

And she had a sister at the Spring Falls Retirement Villa.

Not that my sister and I took her here. I mean, there.

Anywhere.

I'm just saying you might want to check here. There.

Check or don't check, whatever you want. Hang up. Goodbye now.

Great. What are we going to do? Run!

I knew we should have taken Sylvia straight back to the retirement home.

We did the right thing reuniting those two.

Besides, Sylvia won't rat us out.

Once we drive your car into the lake, there's no way they'll ever be able to

prove it was us.

We're not driving my car into the lake.

Now, where could I have put that check?

It's probably in your desk.

You know, I'm going to look here in the kitchen. Sometimes you put things in

this drawer.

It's not here.

Keep looking.

Where else could it be?

I don't know.

What are you doing? Oh, nothing. Just looking for a piece of gum.

Found one.

I

must

have lost the check.

I feel terrible.

The only thing I ever lost was a Holly Hobby pencil case in the third grade.

I'm so sorry, Faith.

Well, let's just say you owe me one.

It's Citibank. I forgot to call them back. Maybe it's about our loan.

Hello?

Yes, this is Hope Chonowski.

Three more parties? If only we had the space!

What?

Our answer at Citibank trying to cash a check made out to our catering company?

Thanks. We'll be right over.

I can't believe it.

Sylvia stole the check from my purse and now she and Ruth are trying to cash it.

I knew it. I've never lost anything.

So I suppose that Holly Hobby pencil case just lost itself.

I can't believe this.

After all we did to reunite you two, you conned us?

You're right.

She is a tight ass.

Hope, don't get your panties in a wad.

Look, we're sorry.

But seeing you gals working together just inspired us to get back into

business. We ran some good grifts in our day. I never saw a signature that Ruthie

here couldn't forge.

Well, we'd still be slinging hash browns if you weren't so good at picking

pockets.

How could you get back from my purse?

Actually, Faith stole it out of your purse.

I stole it out of Faith's purse.

That's a lie.

Who are you going to believe? A lying, thieving con woman or your own sister?

Why'd you steal the check, Faith?

Because you don't trust me. And this is why.

I got in touch with the retirement homes and they're sending people over to pick

the ladies up.

Thanks for calling us, Danny.

Our aunts were just confused.

Now, we're just so old and doddering.

Where am I?

Where am I?

I couldn't cash the check anyway since it was endorsed by Faith. And she isn't

allowed to sign on the account.

What are you talking about? Of course I can sign on the account.

So, and it is on our loan?

Yes. In fact, you were approved.

Let me go get the paperwork.

Oh.

Coffee chairs.

I can sign on the account, right?

Well, uh...

Thing is, I might have given you a phony signature card.

You what?

I didn't want you to do something irresponsible with the money.

Oh, my God, you are such a hypocrite.

You've been giving me this big lecture about trust, and all the while you've

been running a grift on me?

Oh, this is how it starts.

And if you're not careful, it'll end up you two screaming at each other in a

burning car with the fuzz on your tail.

Good times. Oh, the best.

Here's the paperwork.

And your new business checks.

And ladies, your rides are here.

We could have been in Mexico by now.

Oh, so now it's all my fault.

I'm just saying, you should have known that the ditzy one couldn't sign.

Well, then next time you come up with a plan... Well, yes, I will. The next time

I will, it'll be better than yours.

You know, Faith,

If we're going to be in business together, we've got to be able to trust

each other.

So what do you say?

Clean slate?

Clean slate.

Let's sign this puppy.

And, now that you trust me, I'll just hold on to the checkbook in my purse.

Okay?

Sure. Because I trust you.

What are you doing?

Nothing. Just... getting a piece of gum.

disappointed in all of you. You should have come to me in the first place,

which is why you were all grounded for two weeks.

No, in fact, make it a month. A Father's Day gift is not something to joke around

about.

Excuse me, sir.

You kids again.

Yeah, look, I'm their father, and I am really sorry about all of this. My son

made a mistake, and my daughters were trying to do the right thing, but

they... When you said you were going to call the police.

Look, I'm really sorry.

Me too.

Me three.

Hey.

It's okay.

I completely understand.

It happens.

Now, you just tell that story to the police when they get here.

What are you doing? Zero tolerance.

Dad? Now what?