Original subtitles

- I guess Portnoy. I was thinking maybe Goodbye, Columbus,

Because that's the beginning... - Start at the beginning. But...

- It's a nice little... it's an interesting story.

I guess Portnoy is the kind of...

I mean, there's definitely a shorter...

- We could start with that.

Because that's hilarious. - It's funny.

- It's easy to read. - It's entertaining. And that's why...

- But it's also filthy, and you're going to be...

- You won't be able to put it down.

- You're going to be titillated by that,

but then you're going to stay for the pathos.

- You are. He's got... he's amazing, man.

He's like a combo of all

the most amazing writers that you could ever think of.

- He's like a chronicle

of the post-war 20th century in one oeuvre.

- He's not like, just, all the books are Jewish.

I mean he has books, amazing books, where,

like, there's not one Jewish character.

I mean, the guy does political satire, like Our Gang,

um, the guy does, like,

Proustian memory type stuff.

As a technician, the guy's amazing. He's like Proust.

- Are you comparing Philip Roth to Proust?

- I am doing that. - Is that what I heard?

And I've actually read more than the first thirty

pages of When She Was Good, so I'm qualified to do that.

- Oh, that's... so have I.

- This is based on the thirty pages

of When She Was Good that you read?

- It's based on all of the pages

of When She Was Good that I read.

- Oh, okay. Oh, you finished that book?

I wasn't aware.

- That's why I said all of them. - Oh, all right.

- Yeah. - I thought it was...

After thirty, I remembered you saying...

- I took a break.

- All right. That was a break.

Anyway, I don't agree with this... this interpretation.

I think he is as good as Proust.

- I... - I am aware that that's not the majority position.

- Oh, oh, I never said he wasn't as good as Proust.

I said the comparison didn't make sense to me, that's all.

- Oh, okay. Well, the... what about The Counterlife?

- Yeah, I mean, how could it make

sense if you haven't read The Counterlife?

- Exactly!

If you haven't read The Counterlife, and you've

just read the first thirty pages

of When She Was Good.

I mean, the whole When She Was Good.

No, I know you read it.

I believe you. - No, you didn't.

- Did you like it? - I, um...

It's not my favorite book... - Good question.

- that I've ever... - I mean, you kind of...

That's kind of a weird one. - [Laughter]

How many pages were there, by the way?

- I don't remember. - I don't share the opinion.

- Really, you don't remember? - No.

- I like Philip Roth a little bit more than her.

- That's all right. - You do. You're a fan.

You're a genuine fan. - And I've read...

I've read a bit more.

I've read a little bit more.

[birds chirping]

- Did they tell you where they were leaving the key?

- They said they would leave it

in a watering can next to the love seat.

Does this qualify as a love seat?

- Uh huh.

- Okay, it's not in here.

But what is in here is this.

- [laughter] I know, it's scary.

- What is that?

Told me to check, uh, under the mat.

Under the mat?

Nope.

- What about up there, under the brick?

- Scared of creepy crawlies.

You know how they hide, like, under things?

- Yeah. Get used to it. - [thump]

It's not under the brick.

- Try the birdhouse.

- Okay, well, I haven't even, you know, finished up here.

Now, look at that.

[buzzing of insects] [bird chirping]

- Having second thoughts?

- Um, I just don't know who we're going

to talk to at night, what we're going to do.

- Yeah, I know.

We could talk to each other.

- Do you want to check out your property?

[laughter]

- Well, you know, I'm deathly afraid that I'm going

to find something here,

because she scared the shit out of me with that.

- Yeah, I know.

- All that panic, and the bumper sticker... Yeah.

- About the bumper sticker.

That crazy bumper sticker she drives around...

- Turn around. - Okay.

- What does it say, again?

- It says Lyme's disease, it's an epidemic.

And epidemic is all, like,

lightning bolt letters, you know...

- I love that bumper sticker.

- Yes, but I don't know.

Because they like "the crevices".

[knocking]

- Travis?

[knocking]

Travis?

Travis, come on.

[laughing]

Okay.

- No, nothing there.

Got to get behind the ear. - Okay.

- In case they're buried.

Nope. You're good.

[gasp]

- Shut up. - Oh my god, you have one.

- No, I don't. - You do.

You have one. You have one! - Shut up, really?

You're lucky that I brought that special tick thing.

You made fun of me, but I brought that tick

thing and now I'm going to have to use it.

- Yeah, you're an asshole.

- You have one. - No.

Really? - Yeah.

- Fuck. - You have one.

I'm kidding.

- You stupid... [laughing]

Stupid, stupid jokes.

I'm going to get in the shower.

- Travis, come on!

Fuck, I've...

[groans]

[coughs]

[crickets]

[birdsong]

- Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Hey! - Uh... Oh, shit.

- Hi. I'm sorry. - Yeah, no, I'm so sorry.

- No, it's fine, are you okay?

- Travis asked me to keep some keys here.

I'm just his neighbor. I'm so sorry, I'll be right...

Are you sure you have the right house? Because...

- Yeah, I'm just going to be... - I'm so sorry.

- Excuse me?

Hi. Is there something I can do for you?

I'm just looking for my damn keys, is all.

Where's Travis?

[utensils clattering]

- Travis?

I don't... I don't know. Who's Travis?

- Well, then who are you?

- I'm the new sub-letter.

- They didn't tell me nothing about no new sub-letter.

- Well, that's who we are. - That's who we are.

- I'm just going to grab these keys.

I'll make a copy of these, because I'm always losing them.

Um, I'll bring these back, if that's okay.

Y'all are going to be here later today?

- Um, yeah. We're just...

All right, all right, cool.

- Y'all from Richmond? - No.

- Oh, all right.

Travis has just got family there, is why I was asking.

- Cool. - All right, well.

Actually, while I'm here,

you guys got any bacon, or, um, orange juice or something?

My blood sugar's feeling really, really low.

- We don't have anything. - All right, no.

You guys don't even got no toast. Um, all right.

Well, I'm just going to go take care of this.

But y'all take it easy. I'll see you later, all right?

- Okay. - All right, bye.

She was asleep on the lawn.

- On the lawn. - Yeah.

I woke her up. [laughing]

It's our neighbor.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Hey, y'all.

Hi.

- Hey. - How's it going?

- Good, how are you? - I'm good.

Hamburger, come over here, don't go too far out.

Brought you some stuff.

Got some beer. You want a beer?

- No, I'm okay. Thanks, though.

- All right, you think he wants one? - Mm. Mm.

I got reading material for us.

I don't know, figured you might

be bored or something, want something to read.

Why don't you take this one? I already looked at it.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

What are you reading now?

- It's a Georges Bataille book.

- Ah. Cool.

You like crossword puzzles? - No.

- Yeah. I don't either, that much.

But there's this other game,

that's called sudoku. You heard of it?

- Yes. I know sudoku. - I like that one.

Like, in general I'm better With numbers than with words,

So I prefer that game.

But also, we kind of have this competition going

At work, like, we each make copies of the different Sudokus

from the different magazines, and whoever finishes first is,

like, the winner of the week.

And I always finish first.

I'm sorry, did I seem like I was bragging?

- Umm... - I'm so sorry, that

I always do stuff like that.

I just really like the game, is all.

[tools clattering]

I'm sorry... I, you know,

I really can't focus, all the racket he's making.

You, uh, maybe you want to go for a walk or something?

- Um...

Yeah, okay. - Yeah?

- Yeah, sure. - All right.

Well, it's not going to be too long a walk, but I'm thinking

That maybe I would, um, bring another beer.

You sure you don't want one? - No, I'm okay.

Thank you, though. - All right.

- Sebastian?

Going to go for a walk, okay?

- Yeah, don't worry. I'm going to bring her back in one piece.

Hamburger, do you want to go for a walk? Come on.

Here, that's right.

[insects buzzing]

- How long you going to be here for?

- Six months or a year.

- Oh, that's nice.

What are you going to do while you're here?

- Well, Sebastian is writing this article.

It's weekly, sort of. It's for a blog.

It's about sustainable living

and farming and stuff.

- Oh, so y'all are farmers?

- No, just for the blog, we're doing it.

- Oh, that's cool. - Yeah.

- Well, I grew up on a farm,

so if you need my help, just let me know.

- Thanks. - No problem.

Hey, you mind if I ask you a personal question? - Nope.

- Um, you figure out how you're going to pay for things?

Like, is he going to pay

for you while you're here, or...?

- Oh, yeah, well, while we're up here he's going

to pay for me, I guess. - Oh, that's real nice.

Around here it's like pulling

teeth to get a guy to buy you a beer or something.

- Ha ha.

- Where y'all from? - New York. I'm from Brooklyn.

- Oh, cool. Gotta walking stick.

[laughing]

Um, that's nice. I went to New York once.

I liked it a lot, but I don't know,

I don't think I could spend more than two or three days there at a time.

It's too crowded. - Right.

- Well, you'll like it here, I think.

I'll show you around, if you want.

I mean, you can't take nothing

anyone says with a grain of salt, but...

I mean, they'll like you, it's just that

most of my friends are pigs, is all.

You trying to be a stay-at-home mom or something?

- No, no, I have a job in New York, I just, um...

I work at a bookstore. - Ah.

- I just quit to come here, but I'm probably going to write

or something while I'm here, because...

- Oh, that's real cool.

Well, if you're interested, there's a Barnes & Noble

not so far away.

It's like 45 minutes away by car.

- Oh, cool. - Pretty cool.

I could take you there if you want.

- Oh, thanks. - Yeah.

I mean, really though, actually this town's not so bad at all.

It's got a lot of cool things, like there's a bar and a diner

and, I don't know, lots of cool things.

Like, the vet where I work, and...

It's a bunch of hicks, though, still living here, though.

I mean, there's all these bottles here, and stuff.

It's just like people throw their bottles away.

I mean, nature's so beautiful. You like nature?

- Sure. - Yeah, I think it's real beautiful.

Like, if you wake up in the morning,

it's all real dewy and nice.

- Yeah, it's real nice.

- I hate mosquitoes, though.

- Me too. - You get bit by mosquitoes?

- Mm. Hm. - I've gotten really bitten up.

- I could tell just from looking at you. - Yeah.

- You look like the type of person that get bit a lot by mosquitoes.

[chuckles] - Um...

- How long was... have you been with that, um, guy?

- Um, it's almost three years now.

- Oh, that's nice. - It's a while.

- Yeah, I've dated someone

For like two years, but I couldn't take any more.

I had to break up with him.

He treat you good?

- Yeah, he does. - That's nice.

- Yeah.

- Is he growing his hair out for a reason?

- [laugh] No, I think he just likes it that way.

- Oh. I don't know, I thought, like...

Sometimes people do it for locks of love, or something like that.

- Oh, no.

- I mean, I bet you could cut your hair for locks of love,

and still have enough hair to have long hair.

You got real nice hair. - Thanks.

- Yeah, so I had lots of pets.

Like, growing up I had all

sorts of different cats and dogs and stuff.

- Yeah? - But actually, the last dog I had,

When he passed away we buried him under here...

- Really? - But... Yeah.

But he developed rigor mortis, which meant

His body stiffened up, so we had to dig, like,

an ultra-deep hole. It took hours to dig the hole.

- Mm... It's a nice tree.

- Yeah. We built the tree our...

well, we planted it when it was...

we didn't build it, obviously.

[sound of engine]

Watch... watch where you're going, mister. - Hey.

- You look pretty good on that thing.

- Yeah. Real pro. How you guys doing?

What's up? What have you been doing?

- Talking. - Just girl-talking.

- I'm Sebastian. - Hi, I'm Robin. - Hey.

- Um, I was actually saying earlier,

I was thinking, because y'all don't have that much food

in your house, I brought over some groceries.

Maybe I could do a cookout or something for y'all tonight?

If you want? - I thought it sounded

like a good idea. - Okay. - Yeah,

I mean, there's a couple recipes

I've been wanting to try out anyway.

We have this TV at work, and I was watching

The Rachel Ray Show,

And they're real quick, they're like fifteen minutes each.

So it won't take that long, if y'all are hungry.

- Uh, yeah. Sure. - All right, cool. - Thanks.

- All right. So I guess...

I don't know, I'll head over... - Okay.

- Start cooking. - Yeah.

- Can I get a ride with you? - Want to hitch a ride?

- See you back there.

- What do I, uh... what do I do?

- Oh! - Just hop on.

- Oh, is that the motor? - It... That's okay. - Sorry

You step on the brake... - Okay.

- All the way down...

- Yeah, it's all the way down. - All the way.

- It is! Uh. Uh.

[engine]

- I definitely respect people

who are vegetarians, I just don't think

I could be one myself. I like meat too much.

I sort of feel, like, if god wanted people to be vegetarians,

he wouldn't have made meat so damned tasty, you know?

- I think meat tastes good.

- Yeah? You just deprive yourself of it?

- Yeah.

- What's this guy's name? - That's hamburger.

- Ah, you really do like meat.

- Yeah, well, that's how she came named.

I got her from where I work.

I think she was named after the Hamburglar, or something.

[laugh]

- So you were saying you have TV at work?

Is that what I hear you say?

- I, yeah... well, when I work at nights.

Like, if I work at nights

I get to watch TV if I'm not hanging out with the animals.

Uh, but usually I like to hang

out with animals, like, if they're...

Because a lot of times they're

lonely because they're away from home.

But if there's, like, no emergencies,

Which is real good, I, like, would rather not...

I would rather be watching TV, in a way, because that means

there's no emergencies, you know?

Usually I work daytimes.

But lately I've been coming in for night

shifts because I've gotten

to know a lot of the animals that have been there.

Like, if they're there for critical care,

or something like that,

that's when they're spending their nights over there.

And sometimes I like to give them their rest, and like,

sometimes I find that I'm the one

that wants the company, and not the animals, so...

that's usually when I watch TV, and...

it's pretty fun at night. There's like...

it's mainly reruns, but...

- What does Rachel Ray

say about how to mash up avocados for guac?

- Well, honestly I haven't seen the Rachel Ray

about making guacamole yet,

but I have my own family recipe that I like to follow.

It just involves using a fork,

Which you're doing now. You're doing it great.

That's why it's got to be the perfect ripeness,

And I tried really hard to find that for y'all.

- I like robin.

Another fine conversation.

We had such a deep conversation.

- What was it about?

[munching]

- She seemed to think

That the first version, um, of Batman,

[laughter]

the Tim Burton one,

was really... like this,

awesome piece of art

that meant a lot...

And she had a real...

she was pretty hostile, to the, um, the later version,

the one with heath ledger.

[laughter]

- What'd you say?

- Nothing... what, I don't care.

I don't care.

I don't like either.

- [laughter] You said nothing?

- What am I gonna say? - [laughter]

- That I think one is retarded

And the other one is, like, crypto-fascist?

What am I gonna say?

She's not going to understand that.

- I don't know.

You could have said something.

- No, but I didn't.

I just, like, agreed.

- Like, "Yeah, totally."

- You know what I noticed today? - What?

- That you're really pretty. - Thanks.

- Beautiful, actually, as a matter of fact.

- Thanks.

- So I'm, like, dancing on... - [laughter]

You're such an asshole.

- I'm actually being serious, though. - I know.

Come back. Come back.

No, don't do that. - I don't want to come back.

- No. Not today. - No.

- Really? - Really. - Oh my god. - Shallow.

- No, I'm serious.

I was looking at you, thinking, "Man, that girl.

She's a knockout. I just wanna..."

Yeah. - No. - ...go down on you...

- No, I feel so gross. - Really? - Yeah.

- Of all the days. Okay. How gross?

Like, one to ten, how gross?

- Eleven. - Eleven. Oh. I better get up there.

Wow, that's pretty bad.

Now that it's eleven, you know, I feel a little....

That doesn't mean you're off the hook with me,

you've still got to do me.

I'm at a zero. - Oh, that's great.

- Yeah, I'm feeling... - I envy you. - Fresh, and clean...

I'm like Doug E. Fresh. - Stop!

- All right, you don't have to do it to me.

I'm just joking, obviously.

I mean, if you want to I'm not going to say no, but...

- Oh yeah.

[birdsong]

[typing]

- Hey. - One second, honey.

- I'm going to go for a drive, okay?

- Uh, yeah, sure.

- Do you want anything?

- No thanks.

- Okay. I'll see you later.

- Oh, you know what? I need pens.

Can you get me pens? Um, ballpoint, whatever, that's fine.

- We're going to build a, a drawbridge in the backyard.

We got these plans, and this book that dad got...

- Cool. - ...and all wood.

- Yeah. - There's, like, a science to it,

kind of, like, an art.

- Yeah, I'm always really impressed

with bridges, like, that they stay up.

- Yeah. - You know?

- Yeah. - Especially--

- I mean, they've been building them for...

A couple thousand years now, I guess.

- I know! I don't understand how they do it.

- Yeah, I know. But this is going to be interesting.

And it's... I don't know.

Anyway, I was talking to Paul the other day,

and he was saying it was kind of worthless

to build in the backyard now.

- No. I don't think so.

- He doesn't have too much of it.

Bad point there, but hell,

I'm excited. - [laughs]

- And that's just about... Yeah, you get excited about something,

you've got to feel good about it. - Totally.

- And I feel good about it, I feel fucking great about it.

- That's great. Will you excuse me for one second...

Thank you.

[passing cars]

- Hey.

How you doing? - Hey.

- How's it going?

- Good. How are you doing?

- Good. - Long time no see.

- How was the rest of your night, last night?

- It was fine. How was yours?

- Good. Sebastian hung over?

- No, he's fine. He's just working.

- Oh, cool. - Yeah.

- So you got the day to yourself, then?

- Uh huh! - Oh, that's nice. - Yeah.

- That's good. - Yeah.

- What about you? - Just hanging out.

You know, if you don't got nothing to do, I could...

if you wanted, I could show

you around the town, or I could...

oh, um...

get you familiarized with the area.

- You know, I was supposed to pick

something up for Sebastian, but...

it could wait, I guess.

Do you know how to play horseshoes?

- Yeah, I do.

I mean, no. I just know you can throw the horseshoes.

- Yeah. I knew that, too.

[laughter]

- Yeah, well, I'm not sure there's much more to it.

I think it's one of those games

they made a while back when there wasn't, like...

I mean, I know it was.

- When games weren't very sophisticated? - Yeah.

When there was, like, no TV,

and probably there weren't even no books.

Oh, this is nice.

Oh, no thank you. I think I got enough..

Are these them?

- Yeah, well, them, and all the others back here.

- Oh, wow. - My wife made them all.

- They're real nice. - They're very pretty.

- They're warm as toast, I'm telling you.

I got a size chart, so you just tell me what size

shoe you wear, and I'll get the bag that corresponds.

- They're real cool, I just have, like, twenty pairs of slippers,

I don't.... - Mm?

I already have like twenty pairs of slippers.

I don't think I'm in the market for one right now.

- Oh, okay. - But I'll tell my mom to come back here, alright?

- They're really pretty. - Like a blanket, they are.

- Yeah, it's real nice. - Yeah, it's beautiful.

- Thank you. - Thanks.

- [whispering] I thought it was kind of ugly, actually.

- I thought they were alright.

- I don't know.

- Some of his stuff is kind of weird, like, why would I want

to buy your old crap that I just threw out of my own?

- The manager there, was just, so terrible to me.

- Like what? - He was, like, always trying to kiss me

and ask me on dates and stuff.

- Oh, no! - It was terrible!

He was probably close to one of the ugliest

people I've ever seen.

- But not the ugliest. - Oh, no.

You see a lot of ugly people right around here.

But it got to the point where I just had to quit.

- What was his name?

- Oh, his name was Johnny. - Johnny.

- Johnny Davis. - Oh. - And I was like:

"Johnny, I'm not going to go out on a date with you."

- What did he say? - He kept on asking.

But he did that with all the girls. - Oh.

- So that was the other thing, it was like,

You don't even like me, you're just trying to get

a date with someone.

- Can't blame a man for trying, right?

- I guess not. But... - So you quit?

- So I quit. I mean, like, he would, like,

pinch people's butts and stuff.

- That's gross. - Yeah!

It was kind of gross. So...

- Kind of? 100%. - I don't care.

I mean, I made good money and stuff there.

Like, people tip you surprising amounts.

- Do people, um, usually get the fried...

french fries? - Yeah.

Well, because they're real good.

- They're a popular menu item? - Yeah.

I guess all they have, other than that, is pork rolls.

I wouldn't want a pork roll. - Me neither.

I'm glad you didn't get them.

Um, I worked at a restaurant once, um,

and the owner would come in late

at night with, like, all his crony friend guys.

They were all so terrible.

And anyway, they were always, like, hitting on girls

and being gross and terrible and, like,

really misogynistic and stuff, but then this one night,

the owner came in and he asked me...

Oh, and all night,

his friends kept saying, "Smile, honey, why doesn't she smile?"

- Oh, I hate that! When they tell you to smile. - "Oh, somebody card this girl."

...which I didn't mind.

But then, he asked me to go down to the basement with him,

and I went down, because I thought he was going

to, like, give me a talking-to about my shitty attitude.

- Yeah? - But instead

he tried to kiss me. - Ew!

- Just like Johnny Davis.

- That's nasty. - It was so gross.

- Um... Ugh, that's terrible.

They do that even in New York?

- But it gets even grosser.

He said that the night before, he had had a dream...

like a sex dream...

...that he had had a threesome... - Ew!

- With me! - Ew!

- ...and his wife! - No!

That's terrible. That's disgusting!

- I know. - That's awful.

I hope you quit that job right away.

- Not right away. - Ugh. - Soon.

- Oh my god. You know what would be so much fun? - What?

- If we bought some of these

kites, and then we like, took them out...

- Oh, totally, sure.

- You know that area you have that's all

real big and you can run really far there? - Yeah, we could really

get them up there. - Yeah, we could get it real good.

And they're only a dollar for those.

- Oh, I like those. - And that one's real pretty.

- Oh, that's so nice. - That's so cool.

- I like these markers, too. - Hi.

- Hey, how are you? - How are you? - How about you?

- Good, thanks. - Good, thanks.

I think, um, we're going to get some of these things.

I think these are real cool.

I want to get one of each.

- It's amazing.

- I'm going to get one of these too. - Oh, yeah.

- That's so cool.

Alright, cool.

I think, um... We're going to get these.

There's like four of these, and then one of these?

- Seven dollars. - Alright,

- Cool. - Awesome, thank you so much.

- You're welcome. - You want me to... I can pay.

- I can, no. - Are you sure you got enough money?

- I think so, yeah.

- Here, I'll get this, because you already got...

Sure. Wait, we can... split it.

- Alright.

- Seven dollars.

and thank you very much. - Thank you! Have a good day.

- You two have a great day.

- See you. - Perfect!

Oh my gosh! This is going to be so much fun.

- This is going to be good. - You got it?

- Okay. - Yeah.

- You know how, like, when I was really little,

and I was...

[voices fade]

- Oh, that's so close.

Oh, it got up there!

That was real good! - I think it was...

I think if I just run faster, it'll be good.

- Yeah! I think that would be awesome.

- I think that was a pretty good start.

- That's a good start. - Yeah. Okay. - All right.

- Count of three?

- Yeah. Ready? One. - Two. - Two.

- Oh, come on.

Three, go! Yeah! Oh, that was good.

That was like three seconds!

- I think third time's the charm.

- Hey. - Hey.

- All right. - All right.

- Let's try one more time. - Yeah. Okay, ready?

- Yeah. - One. - One.

- Two. - Two.

- Three. - Three!

That one wasn't so good. [inaudible]

No, no, no, no, no.

It's close, see? See?

- No, you have to... You messed it up.

- First of all, you've got to run like hell.

You're not going to get it up with a jog like that.

- Yeah, I know!

- I don't even know if there's enough wind.

- Well, give it a little try.

- Wait, wait.

See which way the wind's blowing?

It's blowing this way. Wait here.

I need you to throw...

Hold it up, hold it up as high as you can.

As high as you can.

One, two, three, go.

There we go!

[insects buzzing]

[knife on chopping board]

[grunts]

- Hey.

Hey. Hey.

- Hey.

- Are you hungry?

- No, actually. Not right now.

I'm really fucked, is what I am.

Just completely fucked.

I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.

I'm completely unprepared

for how many rocks there are in here!

I'm never going to be able to do this.

I'm not going to be able to clear these

rocks by the end of the month.

And if I can't clear these rocks by the end of the month,

then I'm not going to be able

to till at the beginning of the month,

Which means I'm not going to be able to plant.

And if I can't plant, I'm going to have nothing growing.

So if there's nothing growing,

what the fuck am I going to write about?

What am I going to write about?

It's not going to be funny, because all,

all of my best shit,

all the funniest shit comes from real life.

Do you see how many rocks there are in this, this place?

It's just all rock.

It's all fucking rock.

Oh, my god.

I'm rocking out so hard right now.

I'm really rocking out.

I'm rocking out to the rock-steady beat.

I'm like...

I'm like a real hep cat.

Like a psychobilly, rockabilly guy,

sitting in a rock quarry, surrounded by rock.

Stone. And the Rolling Stones are there.

And every heavy metal band ever is there,

wearing a lot of leather.

There is so much rock going on, it's all like

[mimicking rock music]

This is, it's not funny.

I'm really screwed.

Oh my god.

Dude, if rocks were, like, really valued

in this world, we'd be so loaded.

I could buy you a lot of shit.

Too bad that's not the case.

- It says that the components of healthy soil are 25% water,

25% air, 5% organic matter...

and 45% rock particles.

- No. That's not correct. - No?

- No, not for this area. - No? You don't think?

- No, this is... Look around you!

It's like 88% rock particle!

It's like eighty... It's high.

It's up there. Look at this.

Marshmallow topping, chocolate cake crunch,

Rainbow sprinkles, served on play-doh ice cream.

- What? - You guys got to... You've got to narrow it down.

We've been here, like...

- Play-doh ice cream?! - Yeah, but...

I don't know. I wasn't one of those kids who ate play-doh,

so that kind of ice cream doesn't appeal to me.

- Anyway, I know what I'm going to get.

I'm going to make my own.

I'm ready, are you ready? Yeah.

- Probably by the time I order? - You got it?

- Yeah, how are you?

- I'm good, how about you? Good, thank you.

Um, could I please have the "Dusty road sundae"?

- Yeah. - Thank you. That has malt balls on it.

So... what kind of ice cream?

What are my options?

Any kind? - Any...

There's, like, forty-some flavors. - Oh...

- If you want to look. - I, I guess...

Chocolate peanut butter? Oh...

Maybe chocolate peanut butter, actually.

- Chocolate peanut butter? - Thank you.

You know what you're getting?

He says he's not going to get anything, but...

- You're not getting anything?

- Come on, you've got to get something.

- All these options, you're not going to get one thing?

- Yeah! All these options, you not going to get one thing?

- All right. Give me...

Just give me a second. - All right.

You know what you're going to get?

- Uh, could I have the "Cappuccino crunch sundae" please?

All right, can I have the peanut butter sundae?

"Ultimate peanut butter sundae?" - That's the best one.

- What kind of ice cream do you want with it?

- That's the best one, see? Right there?

- That the one I get, like all the time.

- Vanilla. - Vanilla.

- I'm proud of you.

Oh, you...

If I have bad breath later, don't blame... Don't.

- I think I left my wallet... - That's 9.73 for all of them.

Oh, I think I left my wallet in the car.

- Can I...? I got it. I got it, I got it.

- Thank you. - It's a treat.

- You mind that I'm eating so much of yours? - No.

Do you mind that I'm eating so much of yours?

- No. What do you think these are?

Oh, I think they're, um, Oreo flakes, mainly.

- Oh. I really like the flavor.

- Mm. Hm. Me too.

Mmm... - So good.

[laughter] - It's so good.

- You know what, what I find amazing? - What?

- Is how into... - Uh. Oh.

It's dripping everywhere.

- You guys are, like, so into the ice cream.

I can't believe how into girls...

how into ice cream girls can get.

It's like, it's going to be good, it's ice cream.

How long can you talk about it,

What's there to say? It's good, it's ice cream.

- Yeah, but there's, like,

different levels of good. For example...

- Yeah, like mine is one level and yours is another.

Like, mine is really, really, really good, and yours is,

like, pretty good.

Just kidding, yours is really, really, really good.

[police siren]

- You know what I really like?

You know, in, like...

- Is it ice cream?

It's like, when you get

chocolate peanut butter in your ice cream, it kind of...

the peanut butter gets all chewy, you know?

- Yeah, I know. Like it's frozen?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

It's because it would be, because it's in ice cream.

- It's really good like that.

- Yeah, yeah.

You know what I think is really good?

- What? - Um, ice cream.

It's just so good.

It's cream, and it's ice,

And sometimes you put whipped cream on it,

and then other sweet things, and it's good.

It just tastes good.

- That's really funny.

- How's yours, "Ultimate peanut butter"?

It's good... [chuckles] It's really good.

[laughter]

It's great.

- Mmm... Pussy feels so fucking good.

Yeah... [panting]

Mmm... Like that big cock In your pussy? Mm.

Mm. Tell me how much you like it.

Ah... Mm...

Come on.

- It feels good.

Uh... will you just...

Just tell me? Just tell me you like that big cock.

- I like it. - Oh.

What do you like?

- [whispering] I like your big cock.

- Mm. What do you like?

- I like fucking you. - Yeah.

I really like fucking you, too.

Tell me again. - No.

- It turns me on, it really turns me on. - I like it.

- More.

What's the matter? What's the matter?

Talk to me.

- It takes me out of it.

What? - Nothing.

I'm just...

I just like it when you talk.

I just like to hear you talk.

- I know. I'm just...

- You just, it really turns me on to hear you talk. - OK.

And... I just, like, wish you would do this thing,

this one thing for me.

- I know, but I have done it

a bunch of times, and I don't want to do it tonight.

Is that okay?

- Yeah. [knocks on headboard]

Yeah, it's fine.

- You seem upset.

I want to keep fucking.

- Okay. I just want you to talk to me.

I'm sorry to make a big...

I'm sorry to make a federal case about it,

but it's like, you know

that I like it, I've been asking you to do

it for a long time... - And I'm...

- You say that you've done it a bunch of times, yeah.

But you do it without conviction.

You're just, like, I know that you don't like it, so...

- So what? - Yeah. So nothing.

- So it doesn't do anything for me.

- Yeah, I know. I would just,

I would think that if you did so...

If, if something... if you knew something turned me on,

That you would get into it.

Like, if you like something,

If you want me to do something, I always do it.

- Okay, I'm sorry. - And it's not like an issue.

You know what I'm saying? It's not like an issue. - Fine.

- OK? Yeah... So...

- This is ridiculous.

I'll be right back.

[crickets]

[insects buzzing]

[birdsong]

Uh... I've never really...

Nothing that bad has ever really happened to me, so I don't know,

Maybe I'd... If something really bad did happen to me,

I would think about my mom, or my dad, or something.

But any time I come close

to having something bad actually happen to me,

I always want him really instinctually

before I can think about anything.

Um...

I don't know.

I just love him so much,

But, um...

I don't know what we're doing.

- How do you mean? - I just don't know what we're doing.

We get into fights, I don't...

Or maybe we are too close.

He's so fucking stupid.

He is so stupid. [laughter]

He just doesn't listen.

Oh my god.

Oh my god, he's so stupid. - [laughter]

Well, I think probably all men are pretty...

That much... That stupid. - Oh, yeah.

Totally.

But Sebastian... - [laughter]

He's a special case.

A special... - Grade-A stupid. - Stupid.

- Seems to me like, if it's not one thing, it's another,

You know? Like, I was dating this guy Darryl for a while.

Like two years, practically.

Things were going real well. Like,

I wasn't thinking about any of this stuff

you're thinking about.

I think we pretty much loved

each other, and we were having all this fun together.

We would, like, go out to dinner,

and we'd hang out with his friends.

It was real nice.

And then, I was hanging out one day at his house, and he came

home from work and he was kind of just like...

stood there for a while,

And he was like, "Robin, I just got to say,

um, I can't date you anymore,

because, well, I been having,

sleeping with Shelly, who's this girl

who I knew in high school, who's like, she was like,

not really ugly, but she was just like real plain.

She, like, wasn't real popular, but she wasn't

real smart, either, like.

no one ever really paid attention to her",

And he was like, "I was... I've been having sex with Shelly, and...

now she's pregnant,

so I've got to go live with her. So..."

- I'm sorry. - No, it's all right.

It's just that, I don't know.

Even when you think things are going well,

You know what I mean? - Yeah.

- Come in! - Where do you go, over there?

- You've got to slide down a big rock.

- You've just got to go with it.

It's not even that deep. I'm standing right now.

- Yeah. You can stand.

- I'm coming.

It's cold.

- It gets warmer once you get in.

You're going to slide a little.

It's okay.

Don't fight it. Just let it go.

Oh, look, you're doing good! Oh!

[Genevieve:] Your hair's looking pretty long.

[Sebastian:] You think?

[Genevieve:] Yeah.

[Sebastian:] I like it. Robin likes it.

[Genevieve:] She told you that?

[Sebastian:] She said I had "sturdy" hair.

[Sebastian:] Sturdy [Genevieve:] Sturdy?

[Genevieve:] When did she say that?

Hmm... In this really

Long, private walk we had together.

[Sebastian laughing]

She said it while we were in the water,

before you got in.

When you were dawdling out there,

Because you're too much of a wimp.

[Genevieve:] It was cold.

[Sebastian:] It was cold. I was also afraid

I was going to get a parasite.

[Genevieve:] Yeah, I wasn't afraid about that.

Who's the wimp now? You.

You think Robin's pretty?

[Sebastian:] ...No.

[Genevieve:] Liar. [Sebastian laughs]

[Sebastian:]What's the answer you're looking for?

[Genevieve:] You're full of shit.

[Genevieve:] The honest one. [Sebastian:] I don't look

at other women. I don't know. [Genevieve:] Really?

She's just a fuzzy blur to me.

She's like an out-of-focus, uh, image.

[Genevieve:] That's even more suspicious than if you had said

she was pretty.

[Sebastian:] You know I think you're, you're gorgeous.

That's one of the things I like about you.

[Genevieve laughs]

[Genevieve:] I think she's really pretty.

Uh, Swiss. - Gouda.

- Munster.

- Velveeta. - Laughing cow.

Uhhh... Havarti. - Havarti with dill.

- Haloumi. - Jalapeño jack.

- Uh... Jalapeño jack poppers.

Is that the same? - No.

- Okay. - Brie.

- Oh, brie.

Uh, ricotta. - Camembert.

- Uh, mozzarella.

- Queso fresco. - Goat.

- Um, you got any?

- Cheesy games that I don't want to play?

- What about those kinds of things that they have where I work,

where it's like shrimp with Monterey Jack.

Shrimp popper? - They have that at the vet?

- No, they have it at the diner.

- How many jobs do you have?

- I got two jobs.

- You're like the hardest working lady in show business.

Ah, well, you work in a diner,

You're gonna know more cheeses than I am.

- It's not like the diner has a million cheeses.

- It doesn't? - Feta, fontina... - Oh!

Cheddar! Nobody even said cheddar. - No I.

Medium cheddar. Mild cheddar.

- Extra sharp cheddar. - Vermont cheddar.

Wisconsin cheese! - Nobody said cheddar.

New York cheddar. That's interesting.

Oh, you said cheddar! - New York cheddar.

- No, she said cheddar.

- I can't imagine what's wrong, because I just...

I did everything that you told me to do.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry to be laughing

at you like this, I just...

- I did everything you told me to do.

I guess just take me through it like

I'm a special-ed student

and, like, I'm the worst kid in special ed.

- All right. That will not be hard to pretend.

- But well, that's not my fault.

I've never operated one of these machines before.

I don't think I've ever seen one.

Maybe on, like, an infomercial.

I mean, I'm from New York, I'm not, like...

- All right. Press that button six times...

That's what I forgot! - All right do it now!

- Good. Okay. - One, two, three,

four, five, six... All right, now pull real hard.

- [motor spluttering] - Aaargh!

- Hey. - The fuck?

- How are you? - Hey. - Hey.

- I've been looking for you.

- Here I am. - We're just trying

to figure out how to get this thing to work.

- For you, actually. - Yep.

- I had this grandiose plan, that I was going to clear this

swath of weeds and turn it into a wild flower

garden for you. - It's true,

he said he was going to call it "Jenny's garden."

- That was a working title, okay?

That's not final in any way.

- Are you hungry? - I don't know about you,

but I'm about ready to give up.

- I'm sorry, are you staying for lunch?

- Yeah, I mean, I've got to be at work at five,

but I'm pretty hungry. Is that alright?

- Are you hungry, Sebastian?

- [sigh] I took a vow that I would not

engage in any pleasures of the senses until I got

this machine working and that area clear,

but it seems like if I stick to that

I... might actually starve.

So I think I could eat.

But I'm just going to...

Just... - And one more time!

[engine sputtering]

Oh, did you see it?

- I swear, Jenny, I never

thought I could see somebody be so bad at so many things.

- Okay, watch it. Watch it.

I've got my eye on you, okay? Punk?

[engine sputters] - You know,

I never knew that vegetarian food could taste so good.

What's actually in it? - What, in the sandwich?

- Oh, no, in the hummus itself.

- Oh, um, garbanzo beans, mostly.

- That's chickpeas? Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, you always hear people around here making

fun of stuff like this, like hummus and stuff,

But it turns out I guess it's real, real good.

- Mmm... - Look at that.

It's very, very good, what you're doing.

Exposing our neighbors to all sorts of exotic and interesting

cuisines from the four corners of the world?

- Sebastian, I was thinking... - Who knows...

- Who knows what Robin will discover next.

- ...to go back to New York for the Tom Gunderson show?

- I'm sorry?

- Do you want to go back for the Tom Gunderson show?

- You want to see that? - Yeah. Why?

- I don't know, maybe because the last show

was pretty mediocre.

- Yeah, it wasn't very good.

But I read an article

in "Art Form" that said this one was, so.

- I'm sorry, what is this? - It's this artist.

- Like a painter?

- No. - It's installations.

- So?

Do you want to go?

- If y'all are looking for something cultural to do,

I mean, there's an art house movie

theater around here or something.

- Is it like, what does it...

- It's where I saw Juno. - Like, does it only show new movies?

- Sebastian, do you want to go?

I could stay at Zoe's for the weekend...

- No old movies at all? - And talk to her about it.

- No, it's new movies,

but it's the ones they don't play in movie theaters mostly.

- Sebastian, do you want to go? - Honey, I...

- Look, I knew this guy at Dalton, okay? - I know.

- He couldn't even string a complete sentence together...

- I know. - ...No less create a coherent piece of art.

- I know that, I know.

But just because you knew him when he was fifteen,

doesn't mean that he hasn't grown and matured and turned

into a person who could create a really nice piece of artwork.

- No, you're right.

He could have done that.

The thing is, he just didn't.

Which is obvious by the quality of his work, which is...

- You loved his first show. You loved it.

- Mm. Hm. Okay, yeah.

And since then, he's returned to form around 700 times.

- So what? - This guy can return to form...

more than anybody else that I've ever seen in my life,

can this guy return to form.

Let me ask you a question:

How can you return to form over and over again?

It defies logic.

- I'm sorry... - It cannot be done.

- I'm sorry, what's a return of form?

- It's completely untrue.

The Voice ran a scathing article about his last show.

- That's because it was terrible.

A return to form, it's like...

- Yeah, but the critics don't love him all the time.

- It's like when somebody's bad, and then they're good... No,

it's somebody's good, then they're bad,

then they're good again.

- Oh. - They call that a return to form. - Oh!

That's real different from what I thought it was.

I thought it was when, like, someone goes back

to drawing real things, instead of just,

like, splattering stuff on a painting. - Yeah.

That's what it sounds like, but that's not what it is.

Anyway, this guy's not a painter.

Basically, he takes a bunch of junk,

And puts it in a room, like fills a room with junk...

- You're so full of shit. - ...And then a bunch of...

- You're so full of shit. - of moronic...

- Quasi-intellectuals come in, - Oh my god.

- Mentally masturbate and decide

That it actually had some meaning to it. - His first show

Was not just a bunch of junk in a room.

It was this really nuanced play on light and sound.

I don't even understand how

he did it, and people were crying in the room.

You know that.

We've talked about it before.

- They were crying because they were lamenting

the state of contemporary art...

- Oh, shut up. - ...That a nudnik,

whose only use of light and sound was to light

his own farts on fire is now in the Guggenheim.

- What the fuck are you talking about?

- I'm sorry, what kind of art is this?

- It's, it's...They call it installation art.

It's like, you know how when a painter

goes to work...

- God, shut up, Sebastian. - Tries to expresses something on

- on a canvas?

- She's not going to know what you're talking about.

- Like an idea or a thought?

This is, like, somebody takes a room or a space,

- Mmm. - And also tries to create a meaning, or a thought...

- Sebastian, give it a fucking rest.

- I'm... You know, it's fairly simple.

If you just let me get it out, I'm sure she will understand it.

- That isn't what I was saying.

- No, it's actually, it's alright, guys.

I got to go to work anyway, so...

Thank you so much for the meal.

It was really, really good.

I really appreciate it.

I'm sure I'll see y'all real soon.

- Bye. - Bye, robin. I'm sorry about that.

- Don't apologize for me.

- I don't want to go to the show. - Okay.

[buzzing insects]

- Hey. - Hey.

- Sorry. - Where were you? - I just...

I just got on a roll down there, so, um, I'll go...

- Are you coming to bed? Yeah.

I'm just finishing up.

- I'm sleepy.

I tried to stay up, but I'm falling asleep.

[yelps]

- Quit it, Dustin!

- I don't see why we came here.

- Do it out here. We don't have to go inside...

- I've got to let Hamburger in.

- Do you still have that ugly fucking dog?

- I just can't, and you know it. Hush.

Put your cigarette out.

I don't want to wake these people up.

[banging on door]

- What is that?

- What the hell is that?

- Wait, you're going to answer it?

- Yeah, of course I'm going to get it.

- I'm so sorry, I'm real sorry, I'm just, I'm locked in.

- It's okay.

- I'm just going to just grab my keys real quick, and I'm just

- Going to be out of y'all's hair real quick.

I'm so sorry.

- Robin, it's fine. - I'm sorry.

Um, do you guys want a drink or something?

Do you want to stick around?

- Oh, um, no, I think that we're alright.

- [Dustin:] Well, I could use another drink, woman.

- Do you want to stay for a drink?

- Um, no, it's alright.

It's real fine, we're fine.

- You should totally stay for a drink here, it's fine.

- You know what, I think that it seems like they're

a little tired, that's all.

- Are you tired, Robin?

- Oh, no, I'm not tired, I just didn't want to intrude, is all.

- That's really... that's weird, that's a first.

You don't want to intrude.

- I'm sorry, I don't follow. - No?

You know what, I think Jenny's just a little on edge

because you woke her up.

- I'm not fucking on edge.

- I wasn't even sleeping, it's... I'm not a...

I think you guys should stay, I think it could be fun.

Right? You guys are a couple, right?

And we're a couple, so we could just play the couples night,

play a game or something.

- I'm sorry, I didn't even mean to wake you up,

it was just that... I mean, Dustin was the one who banged.

- Yes. Sorry. - I'm really not on edge, though.

I think you guys should stay.

I mean, we could...

Two couples, right? It could be fun.

We could play a game.

We could play strip poker or something,

That might be fun, right?

What do you think, Sebastian?

- Strip poker sounds like fun.

- I'm sorry, I really...

I'm sorry, I really don't want to.

- I never heard you pass

up an opportunity to have fun before, Robin.

- [Dustin:] you sure you don't want to play?

Yeah, I mean, I really wasn't...

I really do gotta let Hamburger out.

- Oh, you know, that's fine.

Because, and I'm sorry, what was your name?

It's Dustin, right? - Yeah.

- Well, don't you think this one's going

to be back, Robin?

- Yeah, I'll be back.

- Great. We can do it some other time, then.

- Yeah, we'll do it some other time.

- All right, well, thank you,

Sebastian, thank you so much for...

I'm really sorry to have bothered you all.

I'm sure I'll see y'all soon. - That's fine.

What?

- Nothing.

You okay? - No, I'm not fucking okay.

What the fuck is your problem?

What the fuck is your problem?

I don't know.

I don't know what's going on with you.

I'm going to sleep.

[crying]

[buzzing insects]

[background chatter]

- Hi. - [gasp]

Oh my god, you scared me a little bit.

I'm reading a suspense book, like, a little jittery.

- How are you? - I'm... I'm good.

It's been a while. Yeah.

- How did you like your pie?

It was good.

- Yeah? - Yeah? [chuckles]

- What kind was it?

- I'm sorry? - What kind was it?

- Oh, it was "graham cracker cream".

- Oh. That's a good one. - Yeah.

- You should come on Wednesday, though,

That's when we got Boston cream, that's like...

- Mm. Hm. Okay.

- I think that would be our house specialty.

- Okay. I will.

- I was actually just thinking about you the other day.

Um... I was going grocery shopping.

And there was a blockbuster

across the street that's closing down,

I guess, so they had a bunch of, like, used DVDs on sale.

They were like real, real cheap.

So, I don't know, they had a bunch of old movies,

and I remembered that you had mentioned that you really liked

old movies, so I don't know, I got one.

"Casablanca", you know that one? - Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah. - It's one of my favorites.

- It's real sad. - Yeah.

Yeah.

[both] - It's good, though. [laughs]

- What's the... what's the name of the girl in it?

- Uh, Ingrid Bergman.

The main girl? - Yeah.

- She's real pretty. - Yeah.

I used to have a really big crush on her,

when I was a kid. - Oh, yeah?

I could see why.

You want more coffee?

- Oh, no, no, no... I'm fine.

- Oh. - Are you working?

Oh, no, well, I just got off.

You have any plans to go to the west end fair?

- What's that?

- Oh, it's just like an annual fair

they have every year.

and it, like, it's real good.

It's one of the biggest county fairs, I think, in the region.

- Mmm... - So I don't know.

Well, I was thinking,

I was wondering... I was planning on going this weekend.

Maybe you want to come with me, because I think it might make

a real good article for you,

going to a real live county fair or something?

- Yeah. That sounds, yeah. That...

I, I think that's a good idea. - Yeah.

- I'll go, count me in. - Oh, yeah? Cool.

Yeah, because I was planning on going alone,

but a lot of the time the rides, when you go on them alone,

it kind of like pushes

like, the spinny rides, like the scrambler and stuff,

you end up getting pushed to the side,

and it kind of squishes your insides out.

- That sounds terrible.

- Yeah, it's not fun!

- No, I wouldn't want that to happen.

Well, I'll be there, so your insides are safe.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

They have, like, livestock and stuff?

Livestock auctions and things?

- Yeah, they have, like, tractor races...

- All right. Sounds good!

- Yeah. I think it'll be real, real fun.

- I'm there.

[buzzing insects]

[background chatter]

[chattering]

- Well, how much can I get for twenty dollars?

- Twenty dollars, you get...

- All right, I'll get twenty dollars.

I'm getting for two people.

Alright... Thank you very much.

- There you go. Thanks.

- Thanks.