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The Book of Love is a book

that's written in the heart of every horny teenager.

And believe it or not, it's based on a true story.

'Hey, Jack, it's Crutch.'

'Your divorce papers just came through'

'and you're flying solo again.'

'Um, the judge did give her the house in the country.'

'But we had to expect something like that'

'from a wife who's also a lawyer.'

'Anyway, speaking of divorces'

'guess who's back in town visiting her mother?'

'A certain old flame of yours from high school.'

'Does cute, dark hair and a pistol ring a bell?'

'And, Jack, she asked about ya.'

'See you later alligator, you big stud.'

Dark, cute and pistol.

Well, a pistol?

♪ I wonder wonder who who-oo-ooh who ♪

♪ Who wrote the book of love ♪

Okay.

An old flame from high school.

Connie? Cute, but no pistol.

♪ Darlin' oh you know I do I've got to see ♪

Bunny...

♪ Find out if it's true ♪

♪ I wonder wonder ♪

'...and me.'

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love? ♪

So we got shot down, Captain Midnight.

Life does play its tricks.

But, hey, you wanted to be successful, you are.

You fought for the girl, you got her.

You expected a wonderful marriage.

It was terrible. Yeah.

Don't you wonder if life could've been different?

Come on back, Jack.

♪ I wonder wonder ♪

Remember who you really are.

I know some things you forgot

some very important things.

Joe, where shall we put...

♪ Baby baby baby ♪

♪ I love you yes I do ♪

'Jack, could you take this, please?'

'Hurry. I gotta meet the plumber in 20 minutes, let's go.'

- 'Be very careful.' - You guys wanna ride with me?

Yeah, yeah. Can we, mom?

Okay. We don't have much room anyway.

Jack, please be careful with the china.

♪ Chapter two you tell her ♪

♪ You're never never never never never gonna part ♪

♪ In chapter three remember the meaning of romance ♪

♪ In chapter four you break up ♪

♪ But you give her just one more chance ♪

See that? That's smoke from the slag pile.

You is to walk up there, you'd be dead in no time

from the coal gas.

Wow! A mountain on fire!

What a great neighborhood, huh, Jack?

You know what happens to you in a new neighborhood?

- What? - You get your ass kicked.

♪ I love you darlin' baby you know I do ♪

♪ But I've got to see this Book Of Love ♪

♪ Find out why it's true ♪

♪ I wonder wonder who mmbadoo-ooh who ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ Chapter one says to love her ♪

♪ You love her with all your heart ♪

♪ Chapter two you tell her ♪

♪ You're never never never never ever gonna part ♪

♪ In chapter three remember the meaning of romance ♪

♪ In chapter four you break up ♪

♪ But you give her just one more chance ♪

Hey, mom, did you see the poisonous mountain?

'You'd die in a minute if you went near it.'

Oh, we'll never smell that up here.

♪ Oh I wonder wonder who mmbadoo-ooh who ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book of Love ♪

Hi. Oh, be very careful with that.

It contains a very valuable comic-book collection

including "White Rider."

In reality, of course, I am White Rider.

- Hm, well, ride this. - Ooh!

♪ Oh I wonder wonder who mmbadoo-ooh who ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I wonder who ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

- You're the Twillers, right? - Yeah.

I live down the block. My name is Paul Kane. Hi.

But everyone just calls me Crutch.

You know, crutch, cane. Get it?

- What happened to your leg? - I got hit by a beer truck.

I'm gonna get hit by a beer truck when I grow up.

Yeah, it's a pretty good deal, you don't have to take out

the garbage, and get excused from gym class.

- 'Peanut?' - The chicks love it.

Come on, I'll show you around the neighborhood.

Alright.

I'm glad you came along, you know, I thought

a new neighborhood might be trouble.

What do you mean?

Oh, you know, I-I thought

since I was the new kid and everything

somebody might think they had to kick my ass.

Oh, never happen. Not with me as your pal at least.

I pull a lot of weight around here.

Uh, Crutch, who's that?

It's Angelo Gabooch and his gang.

Um, just act natural

and I'll handle everything.

Okay.

I thought you said you carried a lot of weight

around this neighborhood.

Okay, so, we got depants'd.

Worse things could've happened.

Come on, my house is just around the corner.

Holy shit!

Hi, Crutch. Love your outfit.

Uh...

Oh, my God!

A blue colossus with red cape!

He's strong, he's brave!

He's gonna sit down and eat his breakfast.

Boys, I hope you're gonna try and mingle

with the other students today.

Your first day at a new school's very important.

Right, mom. Mingle. Mingle, Peanut.

Just be prepared to knuckle down, young man.

Jack, I know it's not gonna be easy

entering a new school in the middle of your sophomore year.

He's afraid they're gonna beat the crap out of him.

Peanut, such language!

Don't talk to your mother like that.

Take off that cape and get dressed properly.

I'm taking you to school.

I'm fighting for the cause of justice!

How would it look if my mother takes me to school?

♪ Up in the mornin' and out to school ♪

♪ The teacher is teachin' the Golden Rule ♪

♪ American history and practical ♪

This is where Spider Bomboni lives.

His old man's in jail.

- Hello, Spider! - 'Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.'

Spider's a real jerk-off artist, 17 times in one day.

- Oh, that's a lot of pounding. - True.

But he's got inspiration.

Oh! I wish I had a sister.

- Crutch, hey. - You don't skip school today.

Yeah, yeah, alright, keep your shirt on.

Mrs. Bomboni, I'd like you to meet a new kid in the nei--

Ah, you're all fuckin' bums.

- Ma, can I have a quarter? - I'll give you a quarter.

Spider, meet Jack Twiller.

He just moved into the neighborhood.

Hey, you lay a buck on me and, uh

and come around at night and watch my sister take a bath.

He's got a hole drilled in the bathroom wall

a perfect view. Worth a buck.

Every Friday night, right, Spider?

- Right. - Sounds good to me.

So you got any hot books, Spider?

Oh, yeah. Check this out, huh?

I just got these in yesterday. Look at this.

- Candy and Derwoord go camping. - 'Sounds educational.'

Hey, you learn something new with me every day, jerk-off.

- It'll cost you two bucks. - No problem.

That's what lunch money's for.

Look at this. Now, this one's my favorite...

'"For not by any calm and indolent spoutings'

'"not by the peaceable gush of that'

'"mystic fountain in his head'

'"did the white whale now reveal his vicinity'

"but by the far more wondrous phenomenon of breaching.

"Rising with his utmost velocity from the furthest depths

"the sperm whale thus booms his entire bulk

"into the pure element of air

"and piling up a mountain of dazzling foam, shows his place

'"to the distance of seven miles and more.'

"In those moments, the torn, enraged waves

"he shakes off, seem his mane.

'"In some cases, this breaching is his act of defiance.'

'"There, she breaches!'

'"There she breaches" was the cry'

'"as in his immeasurable bravadoes'

'"the white whale tossed himself'

'salmon-like to heaven."'

Alright, class. For tomorrow, chapter seven, please.

'Hurry up, Steve, okay? I'll be..'

♪ Hearts made of stone ♪

'Hey, Spider.'

♪ For the love you have for them ♪

'That's Gina Gabooch.'

'She's cute, but don't go near her.'

♪ You can ask them please ♪

She's Angelo's sister.

♪ And all of your love ♪

♪ Is there to take ♪

Remember Lily's friend Wanda?

Bazungas really make a statement, don't they?

♪ You love them ♪

Actually, Wanda and I've got something going there.

Hey, Wanda, I can finally introduce you to Jack Twiller.

Get lost, creep.

♪ Please please please break ♪

Here comes Lily, smart, rich

'and the princess of my wet dreams.'

Hey, let's try to make an impression.

Did you see that? She couldn't take her eyes off of me.

I gotta get to class. I'll see you later.

♪ No no no no no no everybody knows ♪

'I told you you should've spent your time looking for gold'

'instead of those worthless old relics no one would want.'

'Oh, fine relic-hunter I am, Tim.'

'I just missed a chance to get a silver bullet'

'from the Lone Ranger.'

'Get washed up, boys.'

'And now, a word from our sponsor.'

♪ You better get Wildroot Cream or Charlie ♪

♪ Start using it today ♪

♪ You'll find that you will have a tough time Charlie ♪

♪ Keeping all the gals away mm-mm- mm-mm ♪

'It isn't any news who Lily will chose. The Wildroot guy.'

'Come on, Twiller, give it a try.'

♪ Go get some right away ♪

Jack, you okay?

I'm fine.

'The Lone Ranger, a copyright..'

I met a girl today.

Her name's Anita Krump.

Her braids stick out.

She wears white socks with little flowers around them.

I love her little socks.

Oh, she says if I gave her a ring

I could go out with her.

So help me pick out one.

Let's see, maybe the, uh, zombie skull ring

or, ah

my straight arrow golden-nugget picture ring.

Did you meet any girls today?

Yeah.

- Did they want a ring? - No.

Well, if they do, you can have one of mine.

'Boys, dinner!'

You're a good man, Peanut.

♪ Oh we're the men of Texaco w work from Maine to Mexico ♪

♪ There's nothing like this Texaco of ours ♪

♪ Our show tonight is powerful ♪

♪ We'll wow you with an hour full of howls ♪

♪ From this shower full of stars ♪

Jack, are you meeting any girls?

There are kids in my class, ma

and, yes, some of them are girls.

Oh. Ha.

Did you know that I once won a ballroom dance contest?

Quiet, please. I am trying to watch this.

Dancing is a very important part of dating.

The boys who can dance have their pick of the girls.

And since I know that you would never do this on your own

Crutch's mother and I

have enrolled you both in dance class.

Mom, I do not wanna take dance lessons.

Oh, don't be silly, dear.

- You will love them. - 'Shh!'

Ma, I'm a clod. I-I can't, I can't do that.

Jack, you're going to love dancing.

- Won't he, Joe? - Hm, Claude, absolutely. Shh.

And this is a wonderful program.

It isn't just ballroom dancing, but tap dancing as well.

Oh, that's different. Tap dancing?

'Let me see those taps. Let me hear 'em.'

'Very good, boys and girls.'

'Alright, and a turn.'

'Right, watch your arms. Make me believe.'

'Let's keep smiling. Everyone keep smiling.'

'Alright. Shuffle there, two, three.'

'Keep smiling.'

What's she doing here?

'Right, and up those stairs.'

'Hokey pokey and up the stairs. Very good.'

'Good. Very, very good, Lily.'

'Alright now, beginners in the next room, please.'

- Boy, am I glad that's over. - No kidding.

- How's your knee? - It's killing me.

But dancing's my life.

I'm dedicated. You know what I mean?

- Jack. - You know what, Crutch?

I-I've been thinking about the, um

the stair routine and, ah

there's definitely something that just doesn't work about t--

'Wait. Jack.'

- Oh, ah! - 'Jack! Oh..'

Oh.

- Are you alright? - Um, yeah, yeah.

Uh, special roll, you do it right, you don't get hurt.

Look, you have a huge lump on your head.

Um, i-it's part of the routine.

- Well, I hope you're okay. - Yeah, I'm fine.

- Okay. Bye. - Thank you.

Oh...

- You think Lily was impressed? - Oh, definitely.

I mean, the way you took all those steps on your head

hey, she had to be impressed.

Ah, I think I broke a rib.

I think she's gonna remember that number

for a long time to come.

Guy rolls down 25 stairs, comes up dancing.

Hey, tell me about it.

'It's Angelo.'

'Gina.'

♪ Gather around me buddies ♪

♪ Hold your glasses high ♪

♪ And drink to a fool because I.. ♪

My problem is I'm just not cool.

I gave Anita Krump a ring with her name on it.

Yeah? Where'd you get that?

I sent away.

It took six Crispy Box tops.

Her name glows in the dark.

'Now I have to meet her at the movies every Saturday.'

She wears a training bra.

Why? She's gonna do tricks with her tits?

Is that something girls have to train for?

I suppose you went through this when you were my age, huh, Jack?

No. You bring something all your own to it, Peanut.

'Okay, time for bed, boys.'

- Come on. - Ah, ah!

My tent won't stay up, Jack.

A good stiff pole is the answer to your tent, Lily.

'Open your flaps and I'll take a look.'

'Oh, Jack, you really got me pegged.'

So what are we gonna do for spring vaca--

Oh, you know what, I heard that Lily

and Wanda are gonna be camping

at the Blue Lake.

Oh, this is it.

You hang around, you tap-dance

and then finally you get a big break.

Long walks, private picnics, just us and them at Blue Lake!

What an opportunity!

Crutch's mother and I have already discussed it.

You're going to Ranger camp together.

Mom, ma, you cannot do this to me.

Look, Crutch and I already made special plans.

You are going to Ranger camp.

'Now, Jack, I don't like to say this'

but you are too much involved

with your small clique of friends.

Just moping around the neighborhood.

Now, at Ranger camp you'll learn

to mix with new boys from all walks of life.

Mom, I haven't been to a Ranger meeting all year!

I know. And it's been a great disappointment to me.

The uniform is so becoming on you.

♪ The Ranger's creed we can't forget ♪

♪ Hurrah hurrah ♪

♪ We're lighting the signal lamp again ♪

♪ Hurrah hurrah ♪

♪ The compass points the way to go ♪

♪ We'll sleep beside the fire's glow ♪

♪ And we'll all be there when the Rangers go marching home ♪

So, boys, as we come to the close

of the first day of Ranger jamboree

'I would like to remind you of the Ranger credo.'

Serve your friends

surmount your foe...

...and do your duty.

Goodnight, men.

It's not so bad after all.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's okay.

I mean, it seems like a pretty good bunch of guys, you know?

No, that's it. Later for the girls.

We're in it together, till the end.

Bonds of new friendship, camaraderie.

Hey, I wonder who's in our tent.

Hey, join the party, dorks.

Schank's birthday, so we decided to give him a candle.

Happy birthday, Schank.

Guys.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday dear Schank ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- Make a wish, Schank. - Help.

Um, guys, the mosquitoes are gonna eat him alive.

- 'I'm gonna undo him, okay?' - Don't touch those chains.

I was just joking, Angelo.

I mean, sitting around by candle light

that's what's scouting's all about.

Yeah, tomorrow we get

a big pink candle for you two.

We'll light 'em up real nice, huh, Ang?

Alright, men, extinguish that candle.

'Ow, shit.'

'Yeow!'

'Sweet dreams, Twiller.'

Shh.

What about Schank?

You're right. We can't leave him here.

Oh, they'll hear us trying to take his chains off

and they'll beat the crap out of us.

Then we'll take him chains and all.

Turn left, turn left.

Look out.

Watch your step.

Get.. Ow, ow.

- It'll be okay. - No.

It's, it's no good. I-I can't see where I'm going, Crutch.

We need a light.

- Sorry, Schank. - Hm?

'We gotta do it.'

Come on, guys. Aren't we safe yet?

You broke your father's heart

by leaving Ranger camp after only one day.

Yeah, but, mom, that one day was so perfect

nothing else could hold a candle to it.

Well, Jack, you've got to start thinking of your future

of expanding your boundaries.

Have you given anymore thought to becoming a teacher?

Ah, I've been thinking about becoming a writer.

Oh, Jack, everybody knows writers starve.

I think it's very nice that Floyd asked you over

while we go out to play canasta.

I understand he's quite a gentleman.

Oh.

I hope some of that rubs off on you.

- Hello, hello. - Hi, how are you?

- Come on in. Come on, this way. - Oh, what a lovely home!

Welcome, Jack.

- 'Hi.' - 'Floyd.'

I want you to meet Jack's mother.

Very nice to meet you, ma'am.

It's very nice to meet you, too.

Oh, my!

Oh! What a lovely living room.

Your father's going to Rotary, Floyd

and we'll be home around 11:00.

You may have a get together of friends.

- Thank you, mother. - Oh.

You boys enjoy yourselves.

Have a good time, sweetheart.

My mother thinks you'll be a good influence on me.

♪ Earth angel earth angel ♪

♪ Would you be mine? ♪ Will you be mine? ♪

♪ My darling dear ♪Whoa whoa ♪

♪ Love you all of the time ♪

♪ I'm just a fool ♪ I'm just a fool ♪

♪ A fool in love with you ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

Whoo! That was fuckin' great!

- That was great! - Music!

- And now, and now-- - What?

For something a little special.

- 'You know, you can't sing.' - My famous creme de menthe.

- Oh! Open it. - Rock and rye.

- Peppermint schnapp. - Too much...

- Right. - Peach-flavored brandy.

- My throat is... - Some of that, whatever it is.

High ball.

A garnish of raisin, perhaps, for you, Twill. This is for you.

- My friend, Jack Twiller. - That's your drink.

- Please try. - It's good.

Oh.

Mm. Yeah, it's, uh, smooth.

- Yes. - Very, uh, smooth.

Hey, make some calls. Now we want some pussy.

- Yeah. - Go to L.

- That's a good idea. - L.

There's nothing but sluts in here.

- Yeah. - That's what we want. Sluts!

Uh-huh? Okay, well...

Just tell her, tell her Jack Kerouac called.

That's right. Well, thank you, Mrs. Zimmerman.

By the way, what are you doing right now?

Oh, okay, alright. Bye.

Smooth, very smooth.

So?

- So I made 23 calls. - 'And?'

- And nobody's coming. - 'Damn it!'

We never get any breaks.

Looks like one more party with the boys.

Oh, shit! It's gonna turn into another dick-measuring contest.

'Hey, guys. The back door was open.'

Schanky! Schank.

Hey, Schank, you see any chicks on the way?

I just saw Lily and Wanda. I told them to fall by.

Lily and Wanda?

Lily and Wanda?

They're back from Blue Lake!

Do you realize what this means?

Crutch...

I-I've never been drunk before.

♪ Gettin' high gettin' high gettin' high gettin' high ♪

♪ Gettin' high gettin' high ♪

♪ I'm just a fool ♪

Five and two-sixteenths.

- 'Five inches--' - 'Schank is the winner.'

'Give me that fuckin' thing. I missed a half inch of root.'

'You'd have lost anyway. Look.'

Guys, it's not the size of the ship

'it's the motion of the ocean.'

A toast to the gang that will never die.

Here's to the future.

- To the future! - Yeah.

♪ I'm just a fool a fool in love.. ♪

So we got older and the hormones got bolder.

We noticed other girls. No, we-we knew they were there.

But, uh, it always came back

to Lily, Lily. Lily.

Um...

I wish Lily could see me like this.

Forget it. She and Angelo are going steady.

How can she go steady with a prick like Angelo?

The worst prick you are, the more chicks seem to like it.

The thing you got to do is practice on your sneer.

You looks like you got your nuts caught in a meat grinder.

Yeah, but the basic attitude is there, you know?

You guys know that Angelo's got colleges scouting him

already, I mean, he's probably gonna go out

and play pro football or something.

Yeah, I got my career choices narrowed down to either

dentist, chiropodist or a certified public accountant.

Yeah, you'd be a certified public asshole.

Okay, now get me the work light over there.

Hey, Spider, what do you figure on being?

Hey, I'm gonna marry some rich old lady who's soft in the head.

- Hold the light right there. - Oh, right, you got a plan.

That's what I'm always saying, you know, like

for the senior prom, it's only 55 days away.

And already I'm working overtime to get a date for it.

Yeah, fuck the prom. Only squares wear tuxedos.

Crutch, the light.

Uh, I just about got it.

You gotta know how to find a bargain like this and fix it up.

You know, Snake's Junkyard has a '53 Chevy convertible for sale.

- For 60 bucks. - Yeah, what's wrong with it?

Well, it needs a little work. It's underwater.

Oh, great, just right for you, Twill.

I wish to hell I was mechanically inclined.

Yeah, well, you can start by getting me the vise grips

on the work bench there.

Hey, big guy. Wanna change my oil?

Enroll in our expert mechanics course today.

Our fully-illustrated textbooks show you

how to always keep yourself greasy

look sexy and master your own tool.

Come on, Twiller, the vise grips.

- Vise grips. - Yeah.

♪ Ooh-ah ooh-ah ooh-ah ooh-ah ♪

♪ Ooh-ah ooh-ah ♪

♪ Why do fools fall in love? ♪

♪ Why do birds sing so gay? ♪

- Hey, shithead. - So what do you think, Angie?

Wanna play with the gears?

In that junk heap? With those yo-yos? Anytime.

Uh, Crutch, ahem, can you hand me the, uh, vise grips, please?

Right.

♪ Fall in love ♪

Vise grips, Crutch.

♪ Love is a losing game ♪

Vise grips.

♪ And love can be a shame ♪

♪ I know of a fool.. ♪

Be nice, Angelo.

Hand me the, uh, the half-inch socket, Crutch.

You're an ace mechanic, Twiller.

Alright, get your stupid shirt out of my fan belt.

Listen to that, huh? Listen to that.

That's it, motherfucker. We're ready to burn.

♪ Well be-bop-a-lula she's my baby ♪

- Uh, Spider? - Give me a fucking break.

- What's going on, Spider? - What? What is this?

This is not supposed to happen, right?

This is nice, Spider.

Oh! Oh, man!

Hey, hey, get some sand or something, quick!

Oh...

'Fix this.'

Oh, shit! My car!

Hurry up, man, get some sand.

Hurry up! Throw it on!

- Well, what do we have here? - 'Spider, this isn't working!'

What are we gonna do?

Piss on it.

- It's gonna blow! - Oh, shit!

Hey, I saw one blow at Cahoach's garage.

Sent the gas tank right through the roof.

- Ah, the water put it out. - She's not gonna blow.

- Whoa! - Jesus Christ! Oh.

'Fuck!'

No, you're jealous, you know, all you had to do

was close your eyes and swing...

'Hey, Jacky.'

I've got some important news for you.

Yeah?

W-what about?

Lily got in a fight with Angelo.

She'll be in the playground if you wanna meet her later.

Why? W-what am I supposed to do?

Mm.

If I have to tell you that, you might as well not bother going.

Nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah.

- Hi. - Hi.

So I hear you won the game for Central.

Uh...

I hear you-you and Angelo had a fight.

- Who told you that? - I, I don't know.

I just, kind of just heard it someplace.

Well, so what if we did?

Right. Right. Uh...

It's no business of mine.

Do you wanna go to the movies?

- What's playing? - Oh, it's a Jimmy Dean flick.

I hear it's really tough, you know, I thought, you know

maybe we can catch like a four o'clock show or something?

Um... don't you have to change?

Um, no, I'm-I'm comfortable.

Well, okay.

Great.

- Alright. - Let's go.

So are you, are you still in dancing class?

- Yeah. - You know...

You look great on stage.

I-I mean, you know, you're a terrific dancer...

Well, thanks. So are you.

Come on, I got two left feet.

Well, maybe you just need the right partner.

Um, is Angelo helping out tonight?

- Don't ask me. - Are you worried...

About him seeing you with me?

'Why should I worry?'

Tired of getting sand kicked in your face?

Train with Gorilla Nuts Store muscle-worker, you build power

personality, and the physically-perfect male.

Do people stand around and laugh while bullies

shove candles up your ass?

If so, send today for your copy of Bull Dig Judo made easy.

A perfect companion piece to the Gorilla Nuts muscle-worker.

You know what? Why don't we just cross the street right here?

It's a really good short--

No, Jack, let's go this way.

You know what? We-we might be late for the show.

- 'T-there's a bus. We can ju--' - Come on, Jack.

Now, we don't wanna be late for the show.

I bet you like to sit up in the balcony where we can make out.

Um, Jack, you know, I-I just remembered.

I have to babysit tonight.

You know, I'm really sorry. I-I don't mean to disappoint you.

- No, no, it's-it's, it's okay. - Well, do you have a car?

You know, you could drive me home or something.

No, but you know, I-I-I will be getting one very soon.

♪ V-8 motor and this modern design ♪

♪ Black convertible top and the gals don't mind ♪

♪ Yes it's great just won't wait ♪

♪ Everybody likes my Rocket '88 ♪

♪ Baby we'll ride in style movin' all along ♪

Seventy bucks.

- I thought you said 60. - 'What?'

For a set of wheels like this?

'Come on, I ain't got all day.'

S-sixty is all I've got, though.

One moment, this mystery brick

'contains more riches than you.. Ow!'

And when I will get this open, you will see the...

Stand back.

Hey! Well, it's open now.

You guys got yourself a sweet machine.

'Hey, this was Vinnie Van Dura's car.'

Hey, we really got something here.

'Vinnie was doing over a 100 when he rolled it.'

Paid in full.

Enjoy the ride, boys.

Thanks, Peanut.

Wow.

It's the basic wheels. Now we're gonna fix her up.

'You could come and help me get some junk'

'and we could decorate the house.'

'Sure.'

'And we'll get, uh, balloons'

'and, uh, oh, what'

'kids' stuff, birthday stuff--'

'We can go to the five-and-ten.'

Will you do it?

I'd like to.

I'm sort of, sort of...

I found my image.

I got my wheels. I'm gonna ask her to the prom.

Go, right now!

I'm going.

Where are we going?

Peanut, there are just some things a brother must do alone.

♪ Oh-oh yes I'm the great pretender ♪

♪ Pretending that I'm doing well ♪

♪ My need is such I pretend too much ♪

♪ I'm lonely but no one can tell ♪

♪ Oh-oh yes I'm the great pretender ♪

Oh, hi, Jack.

Well, what a surprise.

So, hey, you got a new car. That's, that's great.

Yeah.

Uh, probably, uh...

...slap a new motor into her.

'Good for you. You must be very excited.'

It's only a car.

So do you wanna come in?

Sit down.

Um, Jack, I'm sorry

'but I've already made plans for tonight.'

Um, did you wanna see me about something?

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

I, uh...

I-I wanted to, um...

Uh...

Um, I wanted to ask you, um...

Will you...

Um.. Uh, I, uh...

I gotta go.

I really screwed up, Floyd.

I mean, I had a golden opportunity, and I blew it.

Her wall looked like someone threw a hamburger at it.

Well, look at it this way. You left an indelible impression.

Okay, Jack, we're on our way.

Last time you went to a convention

Jack put me in the washing machine.

Oh, Peanut, now don't be ridiculous.

Wash, soak and spin.

Now, I want no eating over my new rug.

And, Jack, you may have one friend stay overnight

and I hope it will be Floyd.

- Why, thank you, Mrs. Twiller. - 'Well, Floyd.'

You're a perfect gentleman.

'And I know the kind of influence'

'that you have over Jack.'

'Let's go, Kitty!'

Coming, Joe.

Okay, boys, be good.

- Bye, ma. - 'Let's go! Bye, kids!'

Yeah, Twiller's got an empty house.

Yeah, it's a sophisticated little gathering.

Well, there's new records, there's, um, dancing.

♪ Oh darling ♪ Oh oh oh ♪

No, no, no, nothing violent. It's a mature crowd.

- 'Oh-ho!' - Listen.

I'll have to call you back.

♪ My lover I was wrong ♪

Well, your mother will shit a brick about this.

- 'Gina!' - Oh, hang back.

Angelo kicks the shit out of anyone who goes near her.

♪ That my lover ♪

Right. Right, okay.

- Who needs her? - Right.

♪ For you ♪

Welcome to the manor!

♪ You ♪

Hi, baby, how you doin'?

- Fuck off. - Hey, you wanna dance?

- No. - I'm a trained dancer.

I might surprise you.

Can you believe this?

Real live chicks in my place!

This is the party event of the season!

Yes!

Hi, Wanda. You look real sharp.

Don't bother me. Did my friends get here?

Listen. You know, you don't know me very well.

- That's the way I wanna keep-- - No, you know, we have a...

We have a lot in common. We have a lot of the same interests.

And we-we like the same music, right?

A-and we like the same clothes.

For instance, I really like that dress you're wearing.

You don't give up, do you?

Defeat is not in my vocabulary.

♪ For you ooh ♪

Looks like a pretty wild party, wonder what they did

with Twiller's little brother.

- Ha-ha-ha! - Hey! Ah, great! Yay!

♪ Well it's Saturday night and I just got paid ♪

♪ Fool about my money don't try to save ♪

♪ My heart said go go have a time ♪

♪ 'Cause it's Saturday night and I'm feelin' fine ♪

♪ I'm gonna rock it up ♪

♪ I'm gonna rip it up ♪

♪ I'm gonna shake it up gonna ball it up ♪

Go, baby, go!

♪ I'm gonna rock it up and ball tonight ow ♪

Bad.

♪ Well it's Saturday night and I just got paid ♪

♪ Fool about my money don't try to save ♪

♪ My heart said go go have a time 'cause.. ♪

- Oh! - 'Oh, no!'

- Looking good, baby. - Right through to the studs.

'Yeah, look at the electric wiring by his ear.'

- Let's go. Good. - I got him.

Crutch, I don't feel good.

You okay, Spider?

- Oh... - You're okay.

Well, we gotta tie him up before he burns the place down.

We can't tie him up, he's our pal.

'We can roll him up in the rug.'

Good idea.

Hey.

What's he doing with a cap pistol?

- Image. - Oh. Right.

- Ready? - Roll.

- You got him? Good. - Yeah.

That's it, I got him. There you.. Ah...

- Uh... - That's good.

- Yeah. - He's out of the way.

But he can still enjoy himself.

Here, fall in love.

I hope you die.

Hey, Peanut. She's very cute.

♪ Sincerely ♪

I'm in the game now.

A full-fledged member.

That's cool.

♪ 'Cause I love you so dearly ♪

I'm going through a difficult change in life.

♪ Ba-doh ba-doh ♪

♪ Sincerely ♪

♪ Oh you know how I ♪

- Hi. - Hi, Jack.

- You have wild parties. - 'Gina, over here.'

You have beautiful eyes.

Are you drunk?

Yeah.

You wanna dance?

♪ Lord won't you tell me why ♪

♪ I love that girlie.. ♪

You know, I knew there was a reason for this party.

Oh, and what is it?

You.

I caught a glimpse of my future.

Well, you should have a crystal ball and a turban.

Know all, tell all.

♪ Sincerely ♪

The future is revealed.

♪ Oh you know how I love you ♪

You know, if Angelo comes and catches us--

Hey!

♪ Do anything for you ♪

You let me worry about Angelo.

♪ Please say you'll be mine ♪

♪ Ba-doh ba-doh ba-doh ♪

♪ Oh Lord won't you tell me why ♪

♪ I love that girlie so ♪

Do you have a pencil in your pocket?

♪ She doesn't want me ♪

Uh, yeah.

Yeah.

♪ Never let her go ♪

♪ Sincerely ♪

♪ Ba-doh ♪ Oh you know ♪

- Look at us. - I am.

♪ I'll do anything for you ♪

♪ Please say you'll be mine ♪

Twiller.

- Upstairs. Looting. - What?

Pillage. Your mother's underwear is involved.

Excuse me.

♪ Oo-eee oo-eee-oo ooi-ooi-ooo ♪

- 'Hey, where you going, Floyd?' - 'Hey, what's the big deal?'

- Uh... - Ugh!

Uh. Excuse me, what are you doing?

Relax. We're just having a little fashion show here.

Give me that.

'Are these pearls real?'

I want you two girls out of here.

Back off.

♪ I need your love so badly ♪

No, you back off.

Whoa, calm down. Wait a minute, don't do anything weird.

- I'll shoot you. - Relax, I'm taking it off.

Look, there's nothing, and I'm sorry.. Jeez...

That was great! That was...

You took complete control of the situation.

Whoa. Wait a second.

I just pointed a gun at Angelo's sister.

He, he's not gonna know that this, this is a

this is a cap gun, Floyd, he's gonna pound my head

into pepperoni.

To hell with him.

Uh...

Okay. To hell with him.

- To hell with him. - To hell with him.

♪ I love you so and I want you to know ♪

♪ I need your love so badly ♪

Uh...

Smooth. Very smooth.

- Everybody clear. - 'Hey, Twiller's got a gun.'

Stand back. Clear.

Twiller? Don't shoot that.

'It's not a cap gun.'

- Yeah, right. - 'It's dangerous.'

Converted chambers, I put real bullets in it, you asshole.

- Give me that-- - You're crazy.

- He's kinda cool, no? - Yeah, too cool.

Let's get out of here.

I left my sweater upstairs!

Hey, Crutch.

Bye. Take care.

I don't know, Crutch.

I think I'm finally starting to get it together at last.

Definitely.

♪ You so and I want you to know ♪

♪ I need your love so badly ♪

You say Floyd stumbled and his head went through the wall?

Yeah, uh, yea...

We were, you know, playing canasta

and, and, uh, he-he tripped over the carpet

and put his head right through the wall.

- Hm. This is very strange. - Yeah.

- Sounds very unlikely. - Yeah, uh...

It was a surprise to me, too, mom.

And the couch? Jack?

Something very odd went on in this house while we were gone.

All of my jewelry and underclothes

have been rearranged.

Could have been a panty raid, mom.

My panties are not in the habit of being raided.

You are trash and your friends are trash.

And, Jack

if you do not get into some college

I don't even care which one anymore...

...you are not my son.

Oh. Then whose son am I?

Mr. Smart Alex.

Hm...

Twiller, I read your career folio.

It doesn't seem realistic.

Sir?

Your career folio isn't grounded in reality.

Now, these folios of your fellow classmates are realistic.

They're based on what I like to call the facts of life.

Facts of life, my boy.

The facts of life.

Now, what would you say to a job in the button mill?

Uh, well, my, you know, my parents

want me to go to college, sir.

With your grades, they'll have to build you one.

Unless, of course, you have any other ideas.

Uh, well, I-I like to write.

You know, uh, I got a vivid imagination.

Twiller, you're what I like to call a daydreamer.

In my experience, daydreamers don't go anywhere.

Yeah, well, I can't believe that, sir.

Twiller, I couldn't even get you into bird-grooming school.

- Bird-grooming school? - Yeah.

Probably canary, stuff like that.

Uh, you ask anybody yet?

You think I put off something that important

my own senior prom?

Twenty-five definite turndowns.

You know, I think Lily's really starting

to like me, I'm gonna ask her.

Too late, she's going with Angelo.

- Are you sure? - That's what Wanda told me.

No, are-are you absolutely sure?

Yeah. I'm sorry.

Hey, let's fall by the fairgrounds on Saturday

we might pick up some student nurses or something.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe the bearded lady's not doing anything.

'Ice cream! Ice cream!'

- 'Yeah, let's go.' - 'Get your ice cream.'

Should be a deeply-moving performance.

It's time for your higher education, Peanut.

'Alright, fellas, enjoy the show. Go ahead in.'

Step right up, gentlemen, next show starts in a few minutes.

Uh, yeah, um, can I just one ticket? Right there.

- How old is this guy? - Oh, uh, he's my uncle.

Uh, they're all short on their side of the family.

Yeah. Go ahead.

Alright, gentlemen, step right up

and see the lovely Honey Moon.

'Next show's in just a few minutes.'

'Whether you're young, whether you're old'

'she'll make you feel the same way.'

'Step right up, don't be afraid.'

'The next show is in just a few minutes.'

'Come on, step right up here.'

There's Wanda.

I'm gonna try to win her a Shmoo.

Take care of yourself.

- 'Good luck.' - Thanks!

- Hi. - Hi.

Um, five rings, please.

Take it off.

Tell your fortune, mister?

- Nah. - Hot sex, one dollar.

Wanda didn't want my Shmoo.

But I got something else going.

Um, can I have, uh extra onions on that?

Crutch, the weirdest thing just happened to me.

This, this girl offered me hot sex for a dollar.

Why didn't you come and get me?

Crutch, she was just, like, nine years old.

So what? My Cocker Spaniel's only five.

Gina's over there. She asked about you.

- I think she's interested. - 'Yeah?'

Yeah, ever since you took that shot at her.

Hey, hotshot.

So where is your pistol?

Got anymore wild parties planned?

What have you been drinking?

Mouth wash.

Uh, you're a pretty far-out guy, you know that?

Ahem!

'Last chance, folks. Closing up.'

'Take your souvenir. One last shot.'

'Tough night tonight, huh? Tomorrow's another day.'

Okay, Maury. See you, Manana.

Show is over. Go on home.

What are you looking at?

You're not like women from around here.

That's for damn sure.

Do you think... I could have your autograph?

It's not usually my autograph guys ask me for.

- Ms. Moon. - Mm-hmm?

I feel feverish

and disoriented.

Those are the symptoms, aren't they?

Hey...

You're gonna be some heart-breaker when you grow up.

I don't think I can handle this, Crutch.

Go on! Give her the horn.

She showed interest, didn't she? Seize the moment.

No, uh, I'm no good on the phone with girls.

Alright, look, I'll, I'll get you started.

"Hi, Gina, this is Jack."

Sounds great.

Hi, Gina, this is Jack.

- Hi, Gina, this is Jack. - Perfect.

Hi, Gina, this is Jack. Hi, Gina, this is Jack.

- Hello. - Hi Jack, this is Gina.

Go fuck yourself.

Angelo just, uh, hung up on me.

We're not taking that crap from him.

'We've got a prepared speech here.'

Alright, if Angelo answers the door

don't take any shit from him, okay?

Tell him you're selling magazine subscriptions.

Okay, and-and, if he hangs me upside down over the railing...

- You know what to do, right? - Right.

Get your car keys if they fall out of your pocket.

Exactly.

Why don't you leave your car keys with me?

Good idea.

Yeah?

Uh, Gina home?

No.

Uh, do you know when she's gonna be back?

Go fuck yourself.

Angelo! What's the matter with you?

Beat it out of here, idiot.

How you doin'?

Okay.

So what brings you up this way?

Um, uh, you know, I just...

I was just, you know, rolling by.

Don't mind Angelo. He's just like that sometimes.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Yeah, my-my Gaucho shirt was a little small anyway.

Room in there now for two Gauchos.

Angelo thinks he's a hero or somethin'.

That your convertible out there?

Uh, yeah.

'Interesting.'

Do you wanna go to the prom?

It's only three days away, that doesn't

give me much time, you know?

You're-you're right. Um, I-I don't know.

I must have written down the days wrong or somethin'.

Do you wanna go?

You send me a corsage or do I buy one?

Oh, I buy one. Uh...

I mean, um, you know, that's-that's, you know

that's what I heard the guy...

The guys usually buy the corsages. Um...

You know, but if-if-if you've heard something different, uh...

No.

- Alright. - Okay.

Uh, um, pick you up around 8:00?

Alright, cool.

- Okay. - Um, hey.. Uh...

T-tell Angelo just lay off a little bit. He...

Oh, Angelo's really a pussycat. Believe me.

Yeah, sure.

See ya. Bye.

- Bye. - 'Bye.'

- I'm on. - Way to go.

Did you see me move in there right past Angelo?

After he set you back down, yeah.

It looked like a really smooth move.

Well, that's your date. Now what about me?

Oh, I thought you said you were working on someone.

Mm, it's a long shot.

Your cummerbund, sir.

Your clip-on tie.

Your Bruce Wayne look-alike jacket.

Your pimple cream.

Yeah. Come on in.

Have a seat. Gina's still gettin' ready.

'He's crazy about you.'

'I can remember the first time I saw you'

'like it was yesterday.'

We had just been introduced.

You-you felt...

You're, uh, um, taking Lily to the prom, right?

Yeah.

No point in picking her up yet.

She likes to take her time.

- Oh. - 'You know, I spotted..'

Um, how is football going? You, uh...

You got, uh scholarship, right?

Yeah. Hey, ma, what's keepin' Gina?

'We're coming.'

You in a hurry?

Um, no, actually. Hell, no.

She likes to take her time, too. They all do.

Yeah.

Uh, it's-it's okay by me.

She looks so beautiful!

Looks alright, ain't she, ma?

Uh, we're very happy you're taking Gina.

She told us all about you.

You know, every boy who graduates from Central High

has a great future ahead of him.

'And now a word from a distinguished'

'Central High graduate.'

Here at Mid Valley Bird-Grooming College

'you'll learn all the secrets of a certified bird-groomer.'

Enroll now and enjoy prestige

pride and high pay in this unusual profession.

'Ma, I think we gotta get going.'

'Yes, yes, go on, the both of you.'

Have a wonderful evening.

You both look so nice.

Anybody lays a hand on my sister

I kick his slats in.

Um, right. Absolutely.

And then I tear off his nose.

Yeah.

♪ Hold me hold me ♪ Hold me hold me ♪

♪ Never let me go.. ♪

School motto. You know what it means?

Yeah, something about rectums.

♪ Hold me hold me ♪ Hold me hold me ♪

♪ Make me tell you I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Thrill me thrill me ♪ Thrill me thrill me ♪

♪ Walk me down the lane where shadows will be ♪

♪ Will be will be ♪ Will be ♪

♪ Hiding lovers just the same as we'll be we'll be.. ♪

- You wanna dance? - Sure.

♪ Tell you I love you.. ♪

It's a lot of skirt.

Yeah, it's kind of big.

No, it's not.

It's gorgeous.

You're gorgeous.

You really know how to dance.

Well, you know, I-I took, I took a few lessons.

Yeah.

Hey, Crutch.

♪ They told me be sensible with your new love ♪

So what did you say you were gonna do after you graduate?

Oh, um, I don't know. Um...

Yeah, I can, you know, go on to work at the button mill.

Oh, jeez! I worked there last summer.

- You don't wanna go there. No. - No? Damn it!

My guidance counselor, he, uh, he wanted me to take it.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Well, he doesn't know what kind of guy you are.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

What kind of guy is that?

I don't know.

Kind of original.

Kind of unique.

♪ Miss me miss me ♪

♪ If we ever say adieu so kiss me ♪

♪ Kiss me kiss me ♪ Kiss me ♪

♪ Never never never ♪

♪ Let me go ♪

♪ See you later alligator ♪

♪ Well I saw my baby walkin' with another man today ♪

♪ Well I saw my baby walkin' with another man today ♪

♪ Well I asked her what's the matter ♪

♪ This is what I heard her say ♪

♪ See you later alligator after a while crocodile ♪

♪ See you later alligator ♪

♪ After a while crocodile ♪

♪ Can't you see you're in my way? ♪

Ms. Stuck-Up.

She acts like she gets whatever she wants.

She even thinks she's gonna become a lawyer or somethin'.

♪ Made me lose my head.. ♪

Ah, she can have what she wants.

- Wanna dance? - Yeah.

♪ Reminded her of what she said ♪

♪ See you later alligator ♪

♪ After a while crocodile ♪

♪ See you later alligator ♪

♪ After a while crocodile ♪

♪ Well can't you see you're in my way now? ♪

♪ Well can't you see you cramp my style? ♪

♪ She said I'm sorry pretty daddy ♪

♪ You know my love is just for you ♪

♪ She said I'm sorry pretty daddy ♪

♪ You know my love is just for you ♪

♪ Won't you say that you forgive me? ♪

♪ And say your love for me is true ♪

♪ I said wait a minute 'gator ♪

♪ You know you mean it just for play ♪

♪ I said wait a minute 'gator ♪

♪ I know you mean it just for play ♪

♪ Don't you know you really hurt me? ♪

♪ And this is what I have to say ♪

♪ It's a time for joy a time for tears ♪

♪ A time we'll treasure through the years ♪

♪ We'll remember always ♪

I guess tonight it all comes to an end, huh?

I mean, I get my diploma.

I can walk straight out into the world

and get a job at Carvel, peeling bananas.

No, you'll find somethin'.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

You're right, I mean, there's gotta be a college out there

that, that's looking for a guy with a vivid imagination.

Yeah. Meanwhile, I...

I got my wheels, I got my buddies.

I've got, um...

You don't have to be home yet or anything, do you?

No, my mom knows a prom date lasts all night.

Oh, I thought maybe we'd drive by the Lookout

and check out the situation.

Yeah. We can see real good from up there.

Oh, yeah.

You can see the whole city, like--

Right, right. It's a hell of a view.

Yeah.

What the hell?

- What's wrong? - The lights.

- I saw. - Like that.

I better check this out.

Why are you doing this to me?

It's my big night.

Ah.

Ow!

This is the headlight wire right here, ain't it?

Uh, yeah.

This wire is all rusted through.

Oh, well, it-it was underwater for a while.

You're fucked, pal.

I'll tell you what?

I'll drive, you shine the flashlight.

Okay.

- Ah. - Heh-heh.

Alright!

This is no big deal.

I mean, anyone can drive with the lights on, right?

Right.

We'll just stay right in the middle.

Hey! Hey, slow down!

Hey, he can't see us, Jack.

- Hey, stupid, slow down! - Hey, get down!

- Ain't this somethin'? - We'll make it.

Alright. Let's go!

This is a real kick. I love it!

Yeah, the unforgettable touch.

You know, I'm not nervous anymore.

The prom made me nervous.

'Could you tell?'

Yeah, I was kind of nervous, too.

Yeah?

Oh, yeah.

Now it's just the two of us against the odds, right?

Right.

Yeah.

♪ What can I do.. ♪

So what are you, uh, gonna do for the summer, Gina?

Oh. I'm workin' at Luna Pizza.

- Luna Pizza? - 'Yeah.'

Um, uh, that-that's a really

uh, good crust.

Um, very, uh, crisp, actually.

Yeah.

♪ Your dry eye oh oh oh.. ♪

God! Look at the moon.

It's beautiful, ain't it?

Yeah.

I'm-I'm glad we could see it, you know?

Just gotta remember it.

Yeah, to kind of, like, look back on.

Yeah, a souvenir-like.

Yeah, souvenir.

♪ Oh oh how will it feel? ♪

So you've been thinking about college, right?

Oh, yeah. I...

That whole college thing just gets me down. Yeah.

So if you could do anything you wanted

like, right now, what would you wanna do?

Anything?

Not, like, right this moment, I mean...

Maybe next week or somethin'.

Um, uh, wow.

Ah, I guess, um, you know

I'd like to travel or see the country.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

That's what I'd wanna do if I was graduating.

Yeah, but if I do

my mother says she's gonna hang herself in the attic.

She won't.

No, no, she will.

They never do.

♪ To make you understand ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ What can I do do do do ♪

♪ Do do do do? ♪

♪ What can I do? ♪

- 'Find the switch?' - 'That was a little..'

Hey, we've got a winner here!

Alright, Floyd.

Okay, I owe you five bucks.

♪ Just hang out one.. ♪

Thanks.

- Well... - It's about time!

Hey, Twiller. What took you so long, huh?

- Hey, how'd it go? - I just got back.

- I just took her, uh, home. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Did you score?

Come on, guys, on a prom date?

How'd you guys do?

- Oh! I mean it was prom night. - Oh, yeah.

- 'Prom night.' - Banging all night.

- Four, five times. - Yeah.

- So wanna go for a ride? - Oh, dude!

- The tank is almost empty. - Hey, not anymore.

- Ha-ha! - Alright, let's go!

♪ Come on baby let the good times roll ♪

♪ Come on baby let me thrill your soul come on baby ♪

Slow down. Spider, this is a sensitive machine.

♪ All night long.. ♪

- Yeah, let's go! - Oh, crap!

- We graduated! - We're movin' on and movin' up.

The world's our fuckin' oyster!

- Whoo-hoo! - Here we go!

Watch out, buddy...

And now the future is revealed.

For starters, I finally landed Lily.

It was the night at the prom when she saw me

with Gina that did it.

Uh, we did not live happily ever after.

And the rest of the gang, well, Crutch, Crutch

God bless him, he's my lawyer.

An expert in all kinds of unfortunate accidents.

♪ Come on baby.. ♪

And Spider, Spider did, in fact

marry a rich old lady who's soft in the head.

♪ Come on baby let the good time ♪

Floyd landed just where you might guess he would

bedded down, so to speak.

Teaching poetry at a girls' school back east.

And Peanut, thanks to questionable influence

he's now producing showgirl reviews in Vegas.

As for me, that vivid imagination served me well

and I became a writer, after all.

And right now I think I'm ready to write

a hot new chapter in my own book of love.

See you later, alligator.

♪ Baby rock me all night long ♪

♪ Come on baby let the good time roll ♪

♪ Come on baby let me thrill your soul ♪

♪ Come on baby let the good time roll ♪

♪ Roll all night long ♪

♪ I wonder wonder who ♪ Oh oh who ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I wonder wonder wonder ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I wonder wonder wonder who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Tell me baby who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I've got to know the answer Was it someone from above? ♪

♪ I love you darlin' oh you know I do ♪

♪ I've got to see this Book Of Love ♪

♪ Find out if it's true ♪

♪ I wonder wonder who oh oh who ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ Somebody tell me who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ And if you know can I take a look? ♪

♪ So I could find out what to do if love comes around ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't have a clue ♪

♪ How would I make a girl all mine? ♪

♪ Mm well let me flip through the book till I find ♪

♪ This info 'cause I need to know ♪

♪ Tell me who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I wonder wonder who oh oh who ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I'm gonna shock you in a minute ♪

♪ Ah come on Bo man ♪

♪ Bo you don't know diddly come on ♪

♪ I'm gonna shock you in a minute ♪

♪ Alright now you think you wrote the Book Of Love? ♪

♪ Come on prove it to me ♪ Come play that guitar man ♪

♪ I'm gonna shock you in a minute ♪

♪ Now come on you ain't shocked me yet come on ♪

♪ Play that guitar man come on ♪

♪ I'm gonna shock you in a minute ♪

♪ I hear ya ♪

♪ Gettin' busy in the place ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ I wonder who wrote this Book Of Love ♪

♪ 'Cause my whole life has been a story of ♪

♪ Relationships where hit the blues ♪

♪ Lookin' for a girl that can blow my fuse ♪

♪ So let me read a page or two ♪

♪ And if that works out I'm gonna read all the way through ♪

♪ 'Cause this info I would love to know ♪

♪ So tell me who wrote the Book Of Love? ♪

♪ I wonder wonder who oh oh who ♪

♪ Who wrote the book? ♪ I wonder wonder wonder ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I wonder wonder wonder ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ I wonder wonder wonder who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ Don't you understand? I wrote it ♪

♪ I wonder wonder wonder who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I wrote that and I say to you I wrote it ♪

♪ I wonder wonder wonder ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I wonder wonder wonder ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ I wonder wonder wonder ♪

♪ Who wrote the Book Of Love ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ I wonder wonder wonder ♪

♪ I I wrote it man ♪