Original subtitles

Love when we come together for family time.

I know we'll always weather the hardest times.

So go on, get it. Yeah, you've got to try

my family's pie.

What are you in here doing?

I was just seeing which ones were mine.

Mom said you can't open those.

You know, I was just checking which ones had my name on it. Don't you wonder what

you got?

I know, I got some good things.

Look at all these big ass gifts.

Yeah, I think that one's yours right there.

This one?

Yeah.

What do you think it is?

I don't know, it could be the new pair of shoes I'm wearing.

It could be like one of those ugly sweaters.

It could be an ugly sweater.

What do you think it is?

It's too light to be shoes.

Maybe a shirt.

Maybe some jeans.

What about that one up there?

Oh, that one's cool. That one looks nifty.

You guys caught me looking.

You're all interested, too. You were gonna open one. You know it.

We're just looking to see which ones are ours.

Alright, alright. And what's wrong with opening one present?

It's almost Christmas.

It's almost Christmas. I don't think that we should.

Logan, don't be such a pussy.

Give me that one right there.

Alright,

fine.

Thank you.

What do you think's in it?

Well, who's it to?

You better shake.

Oh, shit.

To my mom.

To my mom. About this Christmas.

From Santa. Secret Santa.

Should we open hers?

It's not ours.

I mean... Do you want to do the honors?

What do you think sent it first?

Probably bath salts or candles or some shit.

A gift card. Your dad's a sweet guy who would probably get her life.

What the fuck is that?

You're joking.

What is that?

I don't even want to touch it. Is that what I think it is? Your mom's a fucking

freak. Hey, his mom and your mom too.

Not if I would.

I'm seriously regretting opening this present right now.

Hey!

Hi! What are you kids doing?

Oh, you know, just chilling.

I told you guys not to snoop now.

No, no, we would never. No, of course not. Not without permission.

Absolutely not.

Your mom and I worked very hard to make you guys happy this year.

What are you drinking over there, Mom?

Cocoa. Oh, nice. That actually sounds pretty good. We're going to go for a

walk. Yeah, let's. It's really nice. Yeah, it's nice out. Stay out of those

presents next time.

Hmm.

Oh, wow. That looks like a really, really good vacation spot, honey.

Oh, this is the best family ever.

I'm so glad you guys adopted me.

A couple days there will do us all good.

Oh, yeah. We can go hiking there, too.

Right, right.

I'm excited.

Cool. Next April vacation.

I'm excited.

Me, too.

What do you think, honey?

Awesome. Yeah. We should have, like, a list so, like, everybody can, like, pick

what they want from it.

Well, we've got to figure out dates when we're going to go, and we'll plan it.

What about April vacation?

What do you think, honey?

That would be great.

Yeah.

Yes. That would be, like, good timing. And then we could, like, all pick one

place that we really want to go to, and then we can all vote, and you can't vote

for your own.

So, like, the place with most votes after.

That'd be a good way to decide.

Yes. I'm so excited just thinking about it. I'm so ready for a vacation.

What would be your top pick, like, anywhere in the world, a vacation home?

Probably Hawaii.

Hawaii? Mm-hmm. Done?

I agree.

Never been there. Oh, come on.

It's got to be Hawaii.

Somewhere tropical and beaches and you name it. I want to go to Amsterdam.

Honey, what do you think of Amsterdam?

Well, we know why she wants to go there.

No, it's like they have really good art and they have really good sceneries

and museums. Yes, they do.

I like that idea, honey.

I do. See? Dad's with it.

I'm with it. Okay.

Are you on board? That's my pick. Yes.

That's my pick. And if you guys vote for Amsterdam, we'll do dishes for our mom.

And your grades.

My grades are average.

Yes, they are, honey.

I'm so happy. I love our family so much.

Big happy family.

Yes, yes.

Look at that picture. Right?

Oh my gosh. Those pictures are beautiful.

We should start searching hotels in the areas that we pick.

How about you pick the hotel, honey?

What's the price range, Daddy?

There's no limit. No limit? Let's look up. Okay, I'll take that. Fine.

Star Hotels.

Amsterdam.

Oh my gosh. I love you, Mom.

I'm so excited.

Wow.

Ooh, Hotel Segal?

I can't pronounce some of those. I know, it's like in another language.

I thought they spoke English.

They do everywhere.

Are they Dutch?

I believe so, yes.

What are Amsterdamians?

Amsterdamians? Well, you know, every place has their own name. There's a five

star right there.

That's beautiful.

Oh my gosh.

Is that the room in that hotel or is it the lobby?

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Look at that bed.

It looks so comfortable. I could just see myself sleeping in it with your

mother. Oh.

No,

I don't want to go there.

What? You don't want to churn your own butter? Oh, that sounds horrible.

Really?

I would try it.

I think I would do it. Well, you guys can go. I think you'd make a great

butter maid, Mom.

Thank you.

That's not a compliment.

I think I'd be good at it, too.

I'm trying to find this game.

It's not letting me do it.

What are you trying to play?

Oh,

is it the trivia game?

Or is it the word game where you have to make words?

The volleyball game.

Like in group

I'm just not looking for

for the flight to get to Amsterdam.

That's we should get on Thank

God that would be awesome.

That's a long flight

They actually serve, like, real food and not, you know, an airplane.

Like, peanuts and, like, cheese. Wait, wait, wait, honey. You can sleep on the

plane in a bed? Yeah, I think I saw something the other day online about it.

That, I would love that. They have, like, beds.

They're, like, they're a little more expensive, but I think it would be worth

it. Especially, like, they'll carry, you know, kids with them.

Exactly. Nudge, nudge.

This is a family vacation of a lifetime.

We have to do it, right?

Exactly. We want to do it all.

No. Come on.

It's in one of those boxes.

What color is it?

Did you give me the laptop I wanted?

I'm not. These lips are sealed.

Mom? Did you give me the laptop I wanted?

I'm not going to tell him.

Okay, can I get three hints? Sorry, two more.

Okay, next one. How big is it?

Small, medium, large.

Extra large.

Medium. Medium.

And it's pink and it's special.

It is pink.

And it's special, all right.

It's definitely special.

You think you got a real pet, actually.

Yeah, that was on my list.

Honey, I read your list several times and I'll go to your home.

It's not a micropig.

It will help you in school.

I don't even know what a micropig is.

It is pink.

It was on her Christmas list.

It's just a small pig.

A lihorn?

I like that room right there.

That's not true.

The flight information isn't right.

No.

I think I'm gonna go make some hot cocoa.

Okay. Okay, honey.

Will you make some for me, please? Yeah.

Love you.

Love you.

I like that room.

I do.

Definitely want to be in a comfortable bed for all of us. Of course.

A nice comfortable bathtub, maybe a jacuzzi.

Oh, totally.

That would be awesome.

You might not get me out of it, I'll tell you now.

We gotta make sure the weather's gonna be nice.

I know.

What time of year should we go?

Spring. Spring?

All the flowers will be out.

Oh yeah.

I can't believe you're fucking your stuff, sister.

Right?

Oh my god, this is so wrong.

Hmm.

Technically not, my brother used to stop. Wait, all technically not, my

brother made it.

He

always

meant to fuck my brother.

I love you.

You guys are so wrong about this.

My brother's gone.

Oh my God.

Shh.

Oh, my God.

I'll turn him on.

You guys are so wrong with this.

My sister sucks my pussy.

Rubber clay, yeah.

This is so bad.

So bad.

You look so pretty.

Kind of.

Doesn't hurt though.

Oh, man.

Take a deep breath.

Mwah!

Don't come inside of me.

Don't come inside of me.

Did you just come inside of me?

You asshole!

I told you not to come inside.

It's not funny.

It is. I think so.

That's what you get.