Original subtitles

WOMAN SCREAMS

This programme contains violent scenes

and shocking images of the deceased from the very start

that viewers may find distressing, very strong language from the outset,

offensive and discriminatory attitudes,

and scenes of a sexual nature.

WOMAN WAILS

What have you done?!

WAILING CONTINUES

SIRENS WAIL

Monster!

You monster!

Oh, you little...!

Oh, the fuck!

Aye, aye?

Sorry, I know. I've locked myself out.

I was just putting something in the bin and then, click.

So, what do you want? A ladder?

Erm, no, I don't think I've got any windows open.

I just need to phone my friend Stephanie.

Remember her? My best mate? She's got a spare key.

I mean, I've got a spare key, but guess where it is?

In the house. Fat lot of good that is.

Yeah, look, you'd better get in, hadn't you?

Ah...

Sorry, George. Got locked out.

HE CHUCKLES

I feel a bit stupid.

How are you doing? How's school?

Oh, it's college now. College! Good, well done.

Here.

No, but, erm... I don't know her number.

I mean, who knows numbers any more?

But I remember she did that charity thing with Marie.

You know, remember?

The kids' breakfast thing, so I thought she might have it.

Marie's in work.

I know. So, could you...?

Clive? I'm busy. What is it?

Yeah, I've got Leo from next door standing here...

..in his pants.

Yeah, he's locked himself out.

You know why that is, don't you?

Cos Bridget was on WhatsApp two minutes ago.

I'm trying to do my job, but it's ping, ping, ping,

all about him from next door.

Because do you know what she said? Guess what she saw. Bridget.

Is that right? What do you mean, running?

Running out of the house? Who was?

And then what happened? Leo was running?

Yeah, no, he said you've got his friend's number.

That, erm... Stephanie. Yeah, yeah, that's the one, yeah.

Yeah, no, but she's got the key, so just text it to me.

Bridget, opposite, she says there was a man came running

out of your house, and then you came running after him,

but he ran off, so, er, that's how you got locked out.

Right. Him.

Morning. Hi.

That was quite a night. I've never tried gooning before.

Not as a couple. Erm, can I get you a coffee, or...?

Yeah. Black. Thanks.

Eddie. Leo? That's the one.

Erm... I'd offer you some toast, but I don't have anything in.

I wasn't expecting anyone overnight. Kind of surprised me.

Not that I'm complaining.

Don't you dare!

Little...!

That was my friend, erm, Eddie. And he was staying with me.

And, he went, I waved him goodbye, and that's when I, er,

took out the paper, stuff, things for the bin.

PHONE DINGS

Oh, well.

Stephanie.

I know, but I'm in my pants and I have to open up at work.

I know you're busy, I'm sorry, but... Hold on.

Fuck you doing?

Erm, I got, I got locked out.

You weirdo.

Steph, Steph, I'll take us away at Christmas,

I swear, I'll pay, just get me out of here.

Right, good. Er, she has a key.

Saul, I don't think you should be naked in front of Mr Struthers.

Don't bother me. Yeah, well it bothers me,

so go and get some clothes on, eh?

Ey-yo! Hey!

Oh.That's enough. GEORGE LAUGHS

I apologise for my son.

Thanks.

Stephanie will be around about 20 minutes.

She's wrapping something up at work and then she's coming over.

Just put the keys in an Uber.

Ah, she thinks they're all anti-union,

she won't touch them, so... All right if I just wait here?

No.

OK, it's just for 20 minutes.

Yeah, no, I need to get to work in a bit.

I could just sit and watch TV.

George, what time are you at college? 11.

Yeah, you can't sit here with him.

Why not?

He's 16.

Hey.

God. Where'd you get the jacket?

Oh, Clive next door, and he was not happy, let me tell you.

His wife was always angry.

I'm surprised they're still together after what happened.

It was a hook-up called Eddie. He nicked my laptop and ran off.

I ran after him and got locked out.

I'm disgraceful.

You're lucky. Could've been a lot worse.

I mean, you're 60 next year. God's sake.

I'm allowed to have fun.

What, like this? Really?

He's not coming back, Steph.

Did you see on Instagram? Curtis in Italy, with her.

So, why were you surprised?

What happened next door with Clive Goss, Goss the Boss?

He slept with someone else.

Did he?

On holiday, in a caravan park. Ew!

I mean, imagine. I mean, what else is there to do but fuck around?

If you think about it, they've got a son who's, what, 25?

But the other one's only 15. 16.

So, that age gap means marriage in crisis.

Having another child never fixes anything.

You eat too much cheese.

Well, not any more.

How's work?

It's insane, thanks to you lot.

What does that mean?

Well, it's all your fault, isn't it? What is?

We got this kid in care now, he arrived in Britain in December,

but he's on that scheme, so there's no records.

Says he's 14. Is he fuck 14? He's got a moustache. He's got a beard.

He's 21, at least.

But he says he's 14, so 14 it is.

And he is in there with kids, and he's taking the boys out drinking.

Don't tell me there's no drugs. There are drugs.

But it's the way he looks at the girls.

And he's always outside the bathroom,

every time a girl has a shower, standing there, grinning.

But that's just the beginning, cos this boy, this man,

is on top of the list to be fostered,

which means I have to process that application.

And these foster families, they've got daughters.

But what do I tell them? I can't warn them.

I'm not allowed. Cos he says he's 14,

and therefore it's a fact. So, what can I do? Nothing.

And how is this my fault?

He self-identifies, which you lot invented.

Thanks very much.

Hey, how you doing?

Susette, love of my life. It would never work.

Thank God.

Hey, you. Hiya.

Oof.

Morning.

What time do you call this?

Judy had to open up, boss. I was waiting outside.

Hello, Zee. Morning, everybody.

Morning, boss.

So, I finished here last night, was going to go straight home,

then I thought, "Oh, quick little snifter at Monroe's."

Met a man called Eddie. Tall, thin, hot.

Chat, chat, chat. 90 minutes later, took him home.

You didn't! I did. Wild sex. I will draw a veil.

Then this morning we get up, go downstairs,

he grabs my laptop, and runs into the street.

I run after him, the door closes behind me,

I'm locked out of my own house, stark naked. No way!

Yeah, Stark bollock naked in the street.

All I could do was steal a garden gnome from next door

to hide my privates.

THEY LAUGH

I swear to God. I'm in the middle of the street, my arse hanging out

and a garden gnome hiding my Kemi Badenochs.

Wait, there's more, there's more.

So I go next door, there's the neighbour's son

fresh out of the shower, dripping. Oof.

25 years old, pink, wet, topless. Well, I tell you -

all of a sudden, that garden gnome had a fishing rod.

THEY LAUGH

What a start to the day. I thank you.

CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

Hanna, what happened yesterday?

I had a headache.

Well, that is what the sick line is for.

You don't ask Tania to pass on a message,

you phone the sick line, because I've always got it,

if I don't have it Judy's got it,

and we need to know properly so we can get cover. Understood?

Yep. Good. What?

This is Frederic. He's been waiting.

You were supposed to interview him at half past.

Oh, right. Right.

Ah, first customer of the day. Morning, Melba. The usual.

Louise, can you sort out the dame? Thank you. I'm on it.

So, Frederico, have you worked in a bar before?

Yeah, I did two weeks at Pinnacle.

Why'd you leave? Well, they sacked me.

Good start. All right, let's do this on the hoof.

Come behind the bar. Come on.

So, what did Pinnacle pay you? Ten.

We pay 12, but that means you have to work for it.

So, come on, show me. Get me a WKD, a gin and tonic,

and a vodka lime, both with ice.

Except we don't have any ice. Mikey, can you get the ice?

On it, boss man.

Basically, we're a speed bar. We don't do cocktails.

Nearest thing we do is a blue lagoon, but not from a shaker.

We don't have time for that.

Just pour it straight into the glass.

Do you know what's in a blue lagoon? No.

Vodka, curacao, and lemonade.

So, what do you do? Are you a student? Yeah.

What are you studying? Philosophy.

Ooh, philosophy.

You know my philosophy? I can imagine.

Fuck 'em all. I was right.

Ah! Ah... You OK?

Electric shock.

Ah, Zee, will you get that fuse box?

Told you, boss, it's happening all the time.

You all right, Freddie? It's a bit numb.

OK, let's do a little test to see if you were listening.

So, tell me, Fred, in a blue lagoon, there is vodka, curacao, and what?

I've got no feeling in my hand.

Have I lost you?

It really shocked me.

OK, all right. Er, do you want a little lie down

and a glass of water, Freddie? Hanna, get this boy a seat.

Go on, put your feet up, young man.

You HAVE just survived death by fridge.

Yeah, I am a bit unsteady. Come and sit here.

Zee, will you have a word with Hanna?

She's taking the piss. She can't keep missing shifts.

THEY'RE taking the piss, THEY keep missing shifts.

All right!

Oh, come on, no, boss, not you.

Honestly, Zee.

Your tribe's the most beleaguered on the entire planet,

and what do you do?

The one thing that is guaranteed to annoy everyone.

You fiddle about with your pronouns, and now everyone's

pissed off with you.

My GP stopped prescribing oestrogen.

But never mind that, eh? You're pissed off about one little word.

Yeah, I know. OK. I'm getting old.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, sick line. Hiya.

Frederic? You're calling in sick?

I don't feel very well.

The sick line is for employees.

Yes. But according to the employment law of 2024...

Don't you dare. ..despite the '26 amendment...

Fucking Labour government.

..we've got full workers' rights from day one,

which starts at the point of interview,

and I was just electrocuted.

I should get compensation for that.

You little...! Boss.

OK, Freddie.

I think you should go home and consider your position.

Thank you for the interview. I'll let you know.

He'll let you know.

Legacy of Keir bloody Starmer.

You come to Manchester and run a bar, your lordship.

Yeah? This is Leo, over.

ON RADIO: Could you come up here, boss? And bring Zee with you.

We've got a problem. Over.

What have you done now?

3 am, we're locking up, that's when you said goodbye, Zee.

Me and Mikey head out the front.

You slip into that quarter-turn where there's no camera,

and that's where you stay all night.

Oh, Zee, darling. JUDY SIGHS

This morning, 9 am, I open up, I go upstairs,

you pretend to arrive, and you shout upstairs,

say "hello", and I said "hello".

So, you... You slept in that tiny little space?

I thought you were the clever one. What happened?

They said they were going to kill me.

This Polish lad moved in, and he was all right at first.

But then three of his mates moved in,

so it was a house share with the four of them, and one of me.

And we'd laugh, you know.

But then they said we were like brothers.

Oh, they knew.

And then it gets worse.

They get drunk, start banging on my door every night.

"I'm going to fuck you, little boy."

Jesus!

The first lad, Michal, he said,

"I am going to fuck you until you're dead."

From that moment on, they just want to kill me.

They said they were going to cut my throat.

Can't you go to the police?

Yeah, that'll really help.

You can stay with Ashraf.

He's got a room, you can stay there. I'll have a word.

All my stuff's in that house.

Then let's go get it.

OK everybody. Easy, does it.

Are they in?

They'll be asleep.

They get in at four, sleep till four. Just keep quiet.

OK, let's go.

ITEMS CLATTER

Shh, be quiet. Sorry.

WHISPERED: Come on.

OK. Hurry, girls, come on, let's go.

This isn't a room. It's a box.

They all live like this, the kids. This is what we did to them.

Hi.

Fuck.

Er, good afternoon, my friend. We're not causing any trouble here.

Just helping out a colleague.

Just a few ticks and we'll be gone.

You know, I've always wanted to visit Poland.

Where would you recommend?

Michal!

Come on, quick! Michal!

All right, come on, hurry.

Who are you? In my house? Who the fuck are you, grandad?

You try it. You fucking try it.

You muppet.

Ah, the lady boy.

Going to fuck you with that big stick, lady boy.

I'm telling you.

I can't stop all of you, but you, Bartek,

I can get you, you little twat.

And they can kill me and rip my head off my body,

but before I die I will batter your tiny little skull into pieces,

you fucking prick.

MEN SHOUT

Jesus Christ, Judy! Run!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

How have you got a gun?

I'm licenced to kill 22 types of bird in my own back garden.

Fuck off!

THEY LAUGH

What the hell, Judy? You can't just stop!

I know what I'm doing.

My uncle was a bodyguard to the Shah of Iran.

Judy! Drive the car!

Fuckers!

Fucking hell!

That's great! Their faces!

ALARM KEYPAD BEEPS

DOORBELL RINGS

Go on, give us your key then.

You said you had a spare key,

you might as well give it to me, mightn't you?

Um, well,

I'm not gonna lock myself out again, Clive.

Well, what if you do?

OK.

There you go.

Er, what's your alarm code?

Yeah, er, OK. 1502.

1502.

Oh, and my coat?

What a day I've had.

Thanks very much for this morning.

It was very kind of you.

So, do I get a key for yours?

You wish.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

MUSIC THUMPS

I mean, like... MUSIC DROWNS OUT CONVERSATION

I'm gonna swap shifts with Donna and go upstairs, is that OK?

OK, sure, anything wrong?

There's a boy over there.

Don't look. Polo shirt. I teach him.

Has he seen you?

Looked straight through me.

You think he's gay?

No chance. He's out to impress the girls,

but if he recognises me, I'm in trouble.

Not just at school.

Never mind that I'm his teacher,

he knows where I live.

On you go.

See you later, boss.

OK, I'm off.

NightNet says that gang of gypsies has moved

to Deansgate instead, so I think we're gonna be safe,

so I will love you and leave you, my peasants.

Um, boss...

Oh.

Happy birthday, Melba.

MUSIC CONTINUES, LAUGHTER

Ladies. Hello, girls. Hiya.

Hey, boys.

No, I'm getting sugared.

There you are! EXCITED CHATTER

You look like you're having a good time.

Great show. Do come in, come on.

MUSIC BUILDS

Ugh.

Let's go.

Oh, so I went to the optician's the other day,

cos you've got to look after your eyes, haven't you?

He says, "Miss Dixie, you've got to stop wanking."

I said, "Why? Will I go blind?"

He says, "No, you're upsetting everybody in the waiting room."

Oh, you've been a lovely audience, you really have.

But before you go,

did you see in the news this week that poor old lady in Levenshulme,

found dead in her flat, no one to care for her.

I mean, what a world we live in, eh, girls?

So, just be kind, darlings, be kind.

Oh, for fuck sake. OK, Melba.

Got something to say, darling?

Don't pretend to care.

You fucking Tory!

I've seen you up in Hale Barns.

You haven't just got two cars, you've got two fucking garages.

Oh, tiny bit of jealousy.

She's greener than Wicked, that one.

Your husband... OK, leave it, leave it.

..has money... No, no!

..has money in care homes

that stand women up in the bathroom and hose them down with cold water.

This, ladies and gentleman, is Melba.

Melba...Mediocre.

She's not bitter at all, is she? Oh, shut up.

I mean, I'm not saying she's old and past it,

but she were young when Moses were a lad.

That's not even the right fucking joke.

"She was old when Moses was a lad."

Not young. She was old! Go on, get out.

You're just a bargain basement Bet Lynch.

Come on, Melba. Do you even know what drag is?!

This lipstick, these fucking eyelashes...!

It's a protest!

Come on. No, it's a scream!

Let's get you out. It's a punch in the face.

Shove a pie in it, darling.

It's not Margaret fucking Thatcher!

Get out, you skanky bitch.

You're barred.

That's where I met Harry.

On that corner, right there, in 1992.

I'd only been in Manchester just over a year.

I never met him.

I don't suppose you would've, cos he finished with me in 1994.

HE CHUCKLES

And then he phones me up

one month later, one month to the day,

and says,

"I'm positive, get yourself tested."

Remember those calls?

Ah.

And then...

..I tested positive.

I thought I was dying.

Well, in 1994, I was dying.

So, I phone him back,

answerphone.

Phone him back again, phone him back again.

He never picked up. Ever.

Then he moved away went back to London, gone.

Six years later, I find out he's dead.

Someone just...

..mentions it in passing.

Cunt!

Now, we're not meant to blame.

No. He was a cunt.

You should've looked this way, darling.

I loved you since the day I first saw you.

That daft little Scottish lad with eyes like a fox.

I live in hope.

Don't, Melba.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

I do, though.

Do you ever think it's coming back?

All that shit from the '90s?

We were despised, but you read the stuff online now,

it sounds just the same.

Do I think it's coming back?

Yeah. It's back, you fucking idiot.

Right now, it's here.

It's a storm, it's a tide,

it's a great big tsunami,

and we're in the middle of it right now.

Do I think it's coming back?

You know, if you'd asked me in 1996,

"What do you think 2026 will be like?"

I'd have said, "Glory days.

"We'll have equality, we'll have love and kisses,

"we'll be holding hands, skipping down the streets."

But they tricked us, didn't they?

They just waited.

Oh, they let us all come out,

so now we're standing in the open,

ready for them to shoot us down.

You think that? Really?

Look at me, I'm as out and as proud as anything, but...

..past couple of years,

I'm a lot more careful.

You just started a great big row.

On Canal Street.

Home turf.

But out there...

..I used to walk into a room and just go,

"Ta-da."

Now I tiptoe, just in case.

You know the awful thing?

Now I don't have to care as much, not anymore.

Cos I've done my bit.

I have fought the good fight,

very many times, thank you very much.

HIV, Section 28, the Bolton seven,

oh, bless them, in their little leather slings.

I have marched.

Now it's someone else's turn,

one of those bright young things.

They can man the barricades, or woman the barricades,

or them the barricades.

I mean, I'll be 60 next year.

Oh, don't. 60!

In a couple of years, I can retire and remember the golden days.

You're kidding yourself, you know.

If there's a war you're on the front line, my darling.

You have trans bar staff,

that's the battleground right there.

Hey, I love my staff.

And as a result, look at TripAdvisor for your place.

There they are, regular as the morning shit,

post after post calling you a paedo and a groomer,

because they say you pay chemically castrated children to work for you.

They're just bots.

No, that's women.

Women who are furious,

and with good reason, but, no, no, don't start me.

And men, grown men typing away with their big fists.

Yeah, but it's just that, typing.

The president of America

has given these men permission to attack us.

Leo...

..you're queer in 2026.

You're a political act.

Yeah, but it'll swing back.

We do this, we go through history,

we swing one way, we swing the other.

Conservative then Labour, Republicans then Democrats.

Just...

..just give it time, it'll...

..it'll settle.

Is that what history teaches you?

Yeah.

It does.

I think history's merciless.

And it only goes one way.

Onwards.

It marches on, and on, and on,

and what if this never swings back?

What if Trump just keeps on winning forever and ever?

How far will it go? How much will they hate us?

Because they hate us, Leo.

They really hate us.

And do you know what?

I think they've always hated us.

Only now they don't have to pretend anymore.

No.

History tells us one thing.

That blood and fire and retribution always happen.

And right now...

..it's coming for us.

ALARM TIMER BEEPS

DOOR OPENS

Clive, you are inside my house.

Well, you gave me the key, didn't you?

So, I thought I'd fix it up for you.

You know, that, key safe thing.

If you put this on the wall outside,

you won't get locked out again.

They give these to the elderly and disabled. They love 'em...

Oh, I'm thrilled to be in the same category,

but, Clive, I don't think you should just walk into my house.

I think you should knock or ring the bell.

OK.

DOORBELL RINGS

Better?

Thank you.

All right, I'll get on with it. Where do you want this?

I was thinking, uh...

..about here?

I don't know, is that good?

It should be, yeah.

Yeah, I'll get on with it.

Do you ever wear any clothes?

Yeah, I should... Yeah, go on, piss off.

I don't need your help.

You leave the hard work to me, eh?

SOFTLY: Fucking let himself in.

WHISPERS: Fucking let himself in.

Clive bloody Goss.

My fucking house.

DRILL WHIRS

Right, it's done.

Here you are, let me show you.

So, the key's in there, right?

You put in 1502, open it up, there's your key.

You put it back in,

close it, Bob's your uncle.

And that won't attract burglars, cos they know there's a key there?

I mean, they can't force it open?

Does that become a problem?

I'll take it down if you want.

No.

It's up now.

I'll get out your way.

All right, but I got you another key.

and I'm not charging you for labour, all right?

Cash OK?

If I've got it.

You not working today?

Oh, yeah, no, I am.

Saturday's our busiest night. I'm working 'til 4am.

If you can call that work, eh? Dishing out drinks all day.

Do you know how many people I employ?

No. 45.

Fuck off. I do.

It's a bar. So?

You do not employ 45.

There's 15 girls just rotating at the door,

then there's managers, bar staff, security, cleaners.

How many, are you?

It's just me.

Oh, well, nice life.

And you didn't have to increase the National Insurance for 45 people.

No, but I have to cope with maritime law.

What's that? Ah, you see, you don't know everything.

Under maritime law, you can sail into this country from

Romania without any qualifications,

and you can take my job from under my nose.

Cos you can work as an electrician with no credentials.

How is that maritime law?

Because we're an island.

I did think, if you don't mind,

I was gonna say do you need any work doing?

You know, in the bar?

Cos I'm a bit short of hours and it's not a good time.

And those boys, they cost a fortune.

And Marie, she's always nagging at me, so I'll do a good price.

Er, no. We're fine. Sorry.

No, well, forget I asked. No, I'm really sorry.

No, it's fine. It's fine.

Just if you hear of anything.

How's Curtis?

Oh, I don't know.

Ask him. Fine.

How long's he been gone?

Two years.

Marie said he ran off with a woman.

Began a relationship with someone else, yes.

That must've been a blow. To your manhood.

Well, it turns out I can get a blow to my manhood any time I like.

There you go, you see? You had to make it dirty, didn't you?

Every time. It's always sex with you lot.

I find it revolting, you know, this time of day?

Oh, right, so that's us, is it? That's the gays? We're all sex?

You had a man running out of your house

with my children sitting next door.

OK, so I sleep around?

I'm the one who sleeps around?

In this room, the person who sleeps around is me?

What are you getting at? What do you think?

What do you mean?

Oh, nothing, never mind. Er, 25 quid.

Thanks.

Was it a real woman?

What? With Curtis. Cos these days it might not be.

You know, Marie said,

"If he's gay, has he run off with a man who calls himself a woman,

"or a woman who used to be a man?"

Cos it's all he, she, they, and them now, isn't it?

So, we can't tell.

Well, you know who started all that, don't you?

No. You.

I did that? Yeah, you.

All of you. All this fuss with pronouns.

It was always you lot.

From the moment we are born, in the schoolyard,

it's always you staring at us saying,

"What are you, then? A boy or a girl?

"Are you a boy or a girl? What are you, a boy or a girl?"

Six years old, if you're not playing football, it's like,

"What are you? Some sort of girl?"

All our lives, "What are you? What are you? What are you?"

And then guess what. We say, "OK, fine, you win,

"you're right, we'll do what you want.

"If we are so confusing, then I'll become a she,

"she can be a he, and if that doesn't work,

"I can become a them. What do you think? Happy now?"

Well, guess what? No, it's all,

"How dare you change? How dare you be different?

How dare you not know?"

We did exactly what you wanted,

and you still don't fucking like it.

And I will have my change, please.

please, Clive, thank you.

Well, I'll go and get it. Yeah, you do that.

Look, all right, I didn't...

Oh, no, no, no. It's all my fault, apparently.

I mean, isn't everything? So, you have a nice day.

I do need a spot of work.

There's some dodgy wiring at the bar.

So, yeah, thank you.

I-I'd be very grateful.

Yeah, well, no mates' rates.

Well, we're not mates.

All right, well drop us a text and we'll sort it.

You know, I mean, if I've got time, like.

OK.

Thank you.

MUSIC THUMPS

INDISTINCT CHATTER

MUSIC STOPS

MUFFLED ARGUING

MUSIC: Unholy by Sam Smith ft Kim Petras

EXPLOSION

SCREAMING

AUDIOBOOK: River said to Lamb, "'I've always fancied you, sir."

Lamb unzipped his dirty, sweaty trousers.

"Eat this, River."

And River nuzzled deep into the unwashed fold.

MUSIC RESUMES

SCREAMING

VIDEO: Please!

MUSIC RESUMES

GRUNTING

GUNSHOT

Fuck.

Fuck.

I swear it gets madder and madder, that family next door.

George. Get here.

You kept secrets.

If you're hiding things from me now.

So, you won't tell her next time?

Tonight's the night. I am so gonna get rimmed.

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, out, out, out.

You can look down on women.

Fuck off. Go on, Clive.

Cop a load of this.

I still love you.

I think you lot are so full of all your freedoms,

you don't know when to stop.

THEY CHEER

You all right?

Sit at home with a bad dad, and you're as closeted as ever.

I am so scared.

You terrify me.

Yeah, like it creeps through the walls.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media

Oh, fu...