Original subtitles

[adventurous background music].

-[water splash] -[phone ringing]

[Hi, bro. How are you?

[Hello, daragoy. Are you sitting?

-Sit down, because there is news that will make you fall. -[Igor] Let's go.

[Businessman] Greetings from Valeryanich.

In short, Igor, you are running for president.

[between laughs] For president...

President of some offshore company, huh?

Oh, thanks. Oh, thanks.

[Are you stupid? For president of the country.

Pork liver!

And now?

[Businessman] And now? Start promoting yourself, collect likes.

Don't worry, this has already been decided. Tomorrow you will have a press conference,

so you're going to the sauna to meet the head of the CEC, understand?

What, in the sauna?

[Yes. You fuck her. and you are the president.

-[laughs from the businessman]. -[horn]

[adventurous background music gets louder]

[I'm going to fuck everyone!

[sounds of sex, moans].

[Sveta] Modern society...

and especially me, They need healthy and virile men.

-Andrew] Are you okay? -With abs like Brad Pitt,

and with such big biceps like those of the Klitschko brothers.

Wait a minute... Both?

You can do this as the youngest.

Of course yes.

That's it, that's it, that's it.

I have to do a shift.

I'm done, I'm done, I'm done!

[Shit!

[Rabbits, you have a new record.

forty minutes.

Holy shit!

[Song of Alla Kudlay "A beautiful woman is not married"].

A beautiful woman is single

He's standing on the subway, thinking

She's got last year's sadness in her eyes

"And on the lips of sadness there is a stigma

A beautiful woman is single

I will never look at you

She can still be affectionate

But it's winter in your heart

[dynamic nightclub music].

Why does the rabbit have a stigma on its lips?

Repeat.

Lips of sadness are stigmatized.

It's not you. Repeat.

[I see that our little bunny is dangling a carrot.

And what happened this time to the genius producer of our time?

Dan left me.

I told you from the start that your Dan was a scoundrel.

[groans].

[distant scream].

[vocalizations, moans].

[guru] Did you pay for the session?

Or you can pay later... later...

-What? -Later.

No, you can't.

You can also say you don't have money.

Well, now I have a problem.

[adventurous background music].

[Tripper...

Tripper... Oh!

"Three first rules from the future president:

Lie more."

Why?

"Little liars go to hell, and the great ones go to the presidency."

"Rule number two is to eat more.

It's harder to get a presidential chair out from under a fat ass the presidential chair."

"And rule number three - steal more.

After the first two points You won't get a second chance."

You are my beauty!

[Igor laughs from a distance].

[adventurous background music fades out].

[Igor smacks his lips].

Ihor directed and directed...

I'm starting my election campaign.

We are going to Berestechko.

My apple is the head of everything.

[humming a heroic tune].

Choose me!

No, that's not it.

It's not a word, but a stick.

It's like... fucking Shrek!

Coil...

You can give birth this way.

My mother used to say: don't leave a stick anywhere,

because you're marrying a frog. Oh my God!

Now the ra will remove the skin...

[Igor laughs].

and turn into...

and turn into...

...in a beauty.

Well, yes...

I see that the coil wants to play.

And today he wants to play hetman. This excites me.

What is hetman? We live in the 21st century. I'm running for president.

Any offshore companies?

For the presidency of the country. Yes!

So, is that it? That's it, I'm going to be the first lady?

Listen, who do I look like most? With this one, Claire Underwood, or with Melania Trump?

You look a little like Rapunzel,

and a little for Lyudmila Kuchma.

It's a bit like a student.

I haven't decided yet, My father has to think about this.

[Ivan NAVI - sounds from "Zvezda"].

[Dan doesn't believe that I can turn you into a star.

And he's right. It's hard to make candy out of shit.

-I modeled it on you. -What?

But I have talent, charisma, legs,

And your Dan is not.

Dan doesn't like me because I'm old.

The old one is the Colosseum,

But that doesn't hurt its popularity.

Why don't we give it to you we give you a little makeover,

And you, like a young stallion,

you will enter the back room and find a new Denchik.

Monroe, don't mess with my head.

And I prepared this gift for Dan...

Oh my!

I love diamonds.

So you really Was it really that serious?

-How many carats? -Two...

Two years of work.

[Well, for a ring like that. You could spend two years up your ass for a ring like that.

Do you want Dan back?

You haven't decided yet.

Of course yes,

We need ministers there all the time, officials, deputies,

-To hell with the whole country! -Yes.

And you?

What kind of president are you?

You are a climber.

What?

A shitty climber,

who didn't make it He couldn't stay on top of his wife for six months.

Maybe you have some problems?

So be honest, don't be ashamed.

Let's buy Viagra.

or a conjured rat penis of the healer Clytemnestra,

I saw it in a TV store.

It must be crushed and rubbed.

No need to scrub anything!

My son is like a missile for Kim Jong-un,

I just pressed a button. Washington's office is already there.

So I want this rocket

at least once a month, she came in my airless space.

In your brainless space!

I have a smart weapon here, She doesn't want to work without brains.

-He doesn't have it. -Imagine that.

Or maybe you'll finally admit it to me, that you just can't do?

You said something like this, as if she was farting into the water.

But I can I can flip a Hummer with my boyfriend.

Do you remember the monument to Lenin in Bessarabia?

So, I knocked him down with my penis.

But you can't do that to me. Of course I'm not Lenin.

I can.

- "No, you can't. -I say I can.

-You can't. -I say I can!

So prove it.

It's easy!

[Irina] You got it right, bitch!

I'm not going anywhere, understand?

I'm not going down without a fight. In you!

I cried - and that was it!

You know what, Svetlana?

Now Not only will we share a husband, but also a kitchen.

[adventurous background music].

[Irina] It's okay, it's okay, soon I'll have I will have as much money as...

You might kill yourself laughing. Here!

And only one child will unite him for life.

What child? From where? There are no blue storks.

However, I can see that there are blue woodpeckers. Let me explain!

Everything is very simple.

In the female ovum male sperm is injected,

-And after just nine months... -Yes!

Listen, you're not stupid.

Who is this?

It's you.

-And that? -A surrogate mother.

Where can I get this replacement container?

[imitates the sound of a gunshot].

[Igor laughs from a distance].

You will scream like a young wolf wolf at a concert with the handsome Vinnik.

Oh, God, I'll see a real apple of a hetman,

not a sad Khmelnytsky elephant.

Come here. That's it. Come on, get ready.

Let's go, let's go! It's me, your horse with the big... fingers.

[What?

What's wrong?

[Igor] You and your cats are doing it again. you screwed everything!

I can't break sexual records, with 137 cat eyes looking at me.

-One hundred and thirty-six. - "Well, it's even less than that,

I can't have sex, with 136 cat eyes looking at me

and a cat's tail.

So it's me, it's all my fault, right?

Who else is in the house except you, you freak?

An old idiot, naked and numb who doesn't want to have sex with his wife.

So yes, go to the bathroom.

To go to the bathroom, you need to have money to go to the bathhouse,

And you... you stopped giving me money!

Without sex, there is no money.

-But I'm giving! - "You give so much that I don't want to get it back.

-So, how do you donate? -How? What the fuck!

Today is your day of discovery, grandma.

Now I'm going to tell you about the Internet.

-Monroe, on stage. -Screw this!

[See how many there are.

-Do you like this one, for example? -Ouch!

But I don't like all women.

This means it fits.

[Monroe humming to himself].

He used to smile.

No, with a face like that even a test tube would fail you.

Between. That's it, she has your photo.

She will see me and not respond.

She already responded and even sent me your address.

Who stole my man, I'm going to play a piggy!

Come on, you vegetarian bitch, let's see, what kind of dinner you can make.

-Why didn't you leave? -I'm not going anywhere to irritate him.

[Salo?

And how harmful lard in a healthy dish?

Maybe some pig planted it?

Who's the pig here?

Who's the pig here?

Who put their nose in my apartment?

This is Andriy's apartment.

It's not Andriy's, he's filming.

You take it off.

But I would have loved to have done it if I had the money.

But you are the master of filming: both your own underwear and other people's men's!

You left him yourself.

He betrayed me.

But betray you It's not a betrayal, it's a victory.

[crackle of electricity].

Help, crabs, help, darlings.

-[electric crackling] -[screams]

Let's go. Let's go!

Mr President...

I'm your new secretary.

Are you serious?

My name is... Monika.

Lewinsky! I'm not stupid. I'm not...

Both Levinsky and Pravinsky,

...and the intermediaries.

You need to sign some documents.

[Igor groans].

I want you to dip your feather...

May God have mercy on you.

...in my ink.

[Ilona murmurs urgently].

I'm not Clinton!

I am an important person...

I will not tolerate impeachment. Nothing will tarnish my reputation.

Go! Go, I tell you, away from evil.

So yeah, get your horny ass out from my apartment

and forget about me and my husband.

Andrii is my husband.

[Irina] According to my passport, he is mine.

And the bed is mine.

He's just fucking you.

Don't be jealous.

What is there to be jealous of? A minute and a half?

Five times for a minute and a half.

You won't receive five times, do you understand? It won't!

It won't. If you continue feed him with this herb.

He's a vegetarian like me.

So I'm a ballerina.

Andrey is a normal guy, and likes meat, especially when drinking.

-He doesn't drink now. -Of course.

Sober, he would have fallen in love with a bitch like you, he wouldn't have fallen for your nonsense.

Andrey won't come back to you. Have you ever seen yourself in the mirror?

He will return.

[meat sizzling].

If he wants meat, he will come back.

[He won't come back.

Do you want to bet?

Do you want to bet?

Let's make a bet. In what?

-Andrey. - "What do you mean by that?

And here it is.

If Andrzej eats even if it's a piece of meat today,

you leave our apartment and forget about me and Andrei.

And if not, then you are.

No problem.

Are you not saying anything?

Is he ashamed of himself? See, he has his head down.

Why did you hang your head? He is embarrassed.

It's you who makes me feel embarrassed in front of girls.

So, yes.

Or you will get a job,

and I've had worse things than that, or you go to the country house to water the flower beds.

I'm counting to three. One, two...

[Who walks in the wash from morning to night,

They are walking around, eavesdropping: ministers, ambassadors,

and all for the chalap-chalap president!

And Maria Ivanovna, you must clean everything up.

Do this with your butt up,

clean everything until it's shiny, so that everything in the president's office shines.

Mr President, Don't you have to clean the place very shiny?

It tickled, the grass grew.

Dear representative of the electorate,

Of course I promised to feed my people, but not with this.

I spent all day shaving my underwear, trying to get you to come closer, and you don't give a damn!

Have you lost your sense of smell? Are you speaking to the president?

What kind of president are you?

How not to be turned on by the cleaning lady, or by the first lady or by the secretary?

Oh, I know.

Can we play police?

Good night to you, sir.

The last thing we needed here was cops.

Ilona, ​​those role-playing games of yours They're even worse than your cat pajamas.

And this is due to the fact that you have blocked sexual energy.

-What? - "My guru says,

that you need to open the lower chakra!

What kind of guru is he? Is he Romanian? Romanian, I said?

[adventurous background music].

[Damn!

[groans of despair].

Wait. What is that you have there?

This dish was given to me and Andrey It was a gift at our wedding.

Like a wedding, like gifts.

You don't have any of that either.

[doorbell rings].

I'm coming, my love.

[I'm coming, my love.

Oh, fuck!

What do you need here?

[meditative rhythms].

We started a tantric sex session.

Like a fairytale fart.

But you have grass, Grandma Panas.

[guru whistles].

Please assume the lotus position.

Except for the powdered soap.

Wow! What is this?

-[guru whistles] -[rhythms increase rhythm]

Ilona...

You need to understand, First of all, what is kundalini?

[Ilona groans].

He doesn't do that to me.

No, no, no.

He doesn't do that, but I do... [whistles].

Kundalini is not just about sticking a stick in your face.

Kundalini and java are connected, like Troyeshchyna and gangsters.

Ah, the first normal words, I was getting scared.

[Ilona is breathing heavily, moaning].

[Please sit down.

Any fool can open his legs,

But you need to open the chakra.

[Ilona is breathing heavily, moaning].

[gasps].

See, now I'm going I'll unpack your Mata Hari.

Whose mouth?

I mean your wife.

Kotusik, this is all for your good.

[Ilona groans].

Oh, Amsterdam...

They tricked me, lured me, published someone else's photo.

What photo? Fuck you Dan.

She's gone! It's for me. Come in, please.

Jesus, what is this? A rental den?

I bought a bicycle without a saddle, and now I'm Edik.

Let's travel.

I propose that my end be considered the beginning of a new...

of life. Dear God, what am I talking about?

It was this prostitute who ran me over.

And here you said very precisely: a prostitute.

We already have a lot in common. I love dogs.

Yes, let me help you.

[rumbling].

I'm sorry, but there are no men in the apartment. There are no men, only vegetarians.

Oh, what a beautiful coat, dear!

Between.

[mysterious background music].

Tin.

By the way, will you get an apartment?

-Of course, as in the contract. -Yes.

And the food?

My chef will be cooking.

A chef is good. But a dacha for your mother?

Excuse me, sit down. I'll get you something to drink. No problem.

He could have given his mother a dacha, how tacky.

[Ilona groans].

[Ilona is breathing heavily, moaning].

This asana in India is named after a dog - a dog. a dog... face down.

I thought it was in honor of cancer.

[whistles].

-I have been meditating in India for 63 years. -How long?

-And I'm 98 years old, boy. -You're a little annoying.

Now let's go.

Where are you going?

You said, "Let's go."

For lighting.

How else?

By the breathing method.

Breathe.

Go deeper.

[groans].

Go even deeper. Deeper.

[groaning, screaming].

[cell phone rings].

[I can't talk now.

Funerals - 300, baptisms - 500.

Baptisms - 300, funerals - 500. So that's it.

Face down.

What?

I say: belly down!

[adventurous background music].

No meat - no problem.

You damn son of a bitch!

So, okay.

No, no, don't touch that, Andrey gave it to me.

[Andriusha? Well then, here is your Andriusha!

You!

No, it's sacred... It's sacred!

You bitch!

Come here, come here!

I'll give you Hell's Kitchen.

Calm down. Oh, God, she lost control.

I will open it with this frying pan!

[You can't cut it, because she is as stupid as you.

And it's better to be stupid than...

Where is the knife? The knife! That's where the knife is. Die, sheep!

[rumbling].

[thud of a fallen body].

[Igor] I say: upside down!

You almost had sex with my grandmother. You almost had sex with her.

Do you like this, chicken? You're fucking John Lennon.

Wait. Wait, it's not sahaja yet.

The guru has to finish. If he doesn't finish, he will walk around all day angry.

He will not be angry, because he will lie dead.

See, tantra is not just a science, It is also a practice.

Listen to what you have to say, amateur proctologist,

Are you talking to someone, the future president?

Come on, come on, don't be ridiculous, Don't be a fool, friend.

[mysterious background music].

[whispers] I see everything...

I see everything...

You are cursed, you have... suspended karma,

You have a loose chakra.

You are... cursed.

Listen, you Cyclops, if you tell anyone, I'll put a third eye in your ass.

-[mysterious background music] -[whistling]

I understood, where all my problems started.

That woman sent a suspended chakra to me.

We need to go there urgently.

Where to?

[In that brothel, where we had fun, you know? Let's go!

- "No, I'm not going anywhere. -Come on, who asked you?

-I'm not going. -Don't squeak!

-Get up. -No, I don't want to go!

-Don't squeak. -I'm not going, no.

-Let's go. -I don't want to!

No!

-[ambulance sirens blaring] -[city noise]

[I killed him...

He came to create a new life, and I took the only one he had.

But calm down.

I can't, I'm having a panic attack.

Say something, I'm begging you, say something, distract me, Sveta, go ahead, go ahead.

They say they eat three meals a day in prison.

And on holidays they give us meat.

And you give everyone whatever they want.

I'm begging you, please, don't go to prison.

[doorbell rings].

[It must be the neighbors.

The neighbors saw through the window and called the police.

That's it, I'm screwed.

Sveta, we have to do something.

Svetochka, my dear, I'm begging you, my love, we already...

We are already twin souls, help me hide the body.

I will give you everything you want. All. Do you want an apartment, meat? Anything.

Do you want Andriy? Do you want Andriy?

-Andriy, will you return it? -Yes, I will... I will.

Okay, I know, where they bury unwanted bodies.

Where to?

[To the balcony.

-[doorbell rings] -[Irina] Let's go.

Doctors don't live for anything, the cemetery grew by five hectares.

Although he stood his ground, Andriy fell.

-Where is the master going? -Here.

Where? We live there with Andriy.

Who are you listening to? He's my husband, over there.

Don't listen to that wrinkled woman, we live there.

-Bitch, shut up! -You are also a prostitute!

-You are a prostitute! -I'm his wife!

Poor thing! How can you not get drunk without getting drunk?

That's right.

-[adventurous background music]. -[Andrew groans]

Fuck you!

My God, I've never seen him like this before.

What's remarkable is that I am too.

His vegetarian principles are immediately apparent: Andriy doesn't drink anymore, he eats!

[Andriy Grunts].

Andrii...

Run to your homes, the pathologist is coming!

-Let's go. -Oh, how your hands smell...

Meat.

I understood.

I'm the queen of the night, for sure

I'll wipe the snot off your face

In short.

[Andriy Grunts].

[Sveta coughs].

[Andriy sniffs and grunts].

[Andriy murmurs with pleasure].

See, I told you that he would eat meat. He is mine.

- "I'm going to call the police. -Well, we forgot.

[Sveta] You don't drink, do you?

Why did you do this?

Corporate... corporate... corporate!

[Andriy starts singing].

What kind of money do you have?

It's better not to ask.

My God, why are you dressed like that? Have you been fired?

You can't fire the best stripper.

-Were you stripping? -Yes.

What was the head doctor looking at?

Me.

-Is he gay? -He?

He...

Her name is Raisa Zakharovna.

[adventurous background music].

-[thud] -[scream]

-[Ilona cries with a siren]. -[Igor] Quiet, quiet! Shut up.

[Igor screams].

[Andriy Grunts].

[I'm the queen of the night...

This is a striptease.

[Andriy laughs].

- "I'm not going to take off my underwear. -But wait.

And he was an intelligent man.

Listen, these doctors are cheap.

As a bribe, they accept dollars,

and like a poor pulmonologist in his underwear so one hryvnia each.

[Iryna] Let the water in.

[doorbell rings].

Oh, God, the police are after me. Svetochka, please go and tell them something.

I? You what? Go away, I won't leave you here alone.

I'm going to jail, I'm going to jail, I'm going to jail, I'm going to jail...

I will be arrested.

[Andriy Grunts].

Andriy, look at me. Button up, you're all wet.

Don't touch me, how much longer?

You give me a headache. You're already giving me a headache.

Ira, Ira, Ira, you are a beautiful girl...

What's wrong with you?

Why are you embarrassing me again? Quiet, quiet, quiet.

I'm starting my election campaign.

I, the future president of Ukraine, and his charming first lady

we promise all residents from our miserable Khrushchev apartments a penthouse

with a helipad,

an elegant swimming pool and a personal bidet.

-Do you want the house? -Yes.

Choose me!

I'm going to make a small appeal to you... half a cock to start!

See, see, and nothing has changed in this cloister hasn't changed. Listen, I'm in ah... tuna!

Where is the doctor? Where is Andriusha? Andriusha!

What is this, what happened?

You never listen to me.

Button up, will you?

And you know what, you know what?

I imitated all the orgasms with you....

[Andriy laughs].

You shouldn't be doing this to me, Andriyusha.

[Andriusha!

Andriyusha, of course I've heard I heard about medical reform,

but be like this... Oh, I like you now.

From what I know, you're also from the hospital?

Yes, from a mental institution.

And it is visible.

One question:

What the fuck are you doing here again?

What the fuck?

The bald man who is now dead.

Oh my God, it was an accident, I'm here, I had nothing to do with it.

That's exactly what you mean.

- "No, he fell on his own. -How? He was on a stake before I met him.

It was all because of my panic attacks, remember?

You won't tell anyone?

But I'm going to record it on my cell phone now, I'll put it on the Internet.

Please don't tell anyone, I will do anything for you.

-Anything? -Anything.

I heard everything, Ilona.

So, let's apply for a position right here, This is our swamp, let's apply here.

- "Have you gone completely crazy? -Wait, you said: for better or for worse.

["I need you to have "I need you to have cubicles like Brad Pitt.

"Brad Pitt's? Brad Pitt himself?"

[laughs]. "Yes, and the shariki are like those of the Klitschko brothers.

[quacks, imitates kissing sounds].

Silent, silent, silent.

Yo-mayo!

Ichthyander.

Andriusha, ichthyander, Did you drown down there?

It doesn't sink.

Andriusha, Andriusha, do you recognize me?

It's me, Ilona. Do you recognize me, Andriusha?

Hi. Are you Gita or Zita today?

-No, we are Phantom and Conchita. -Cagao!

That's it, DiCaprio went under the ice, "Titanic is ready.

-No, I don't want to, no. -I don't want to.

Irusia, I need to blow you up urgently.

-What do you mean, blow? Don't blow. -The fate of the country depends on this bushing.

-Can't you? -You can't.

What an idiot!

I don't want it to be a shit show, with the bills in the trash.

- "I'm not ready. -But I am.

Put me in my place! -Soon I will put the entire country in its place.

Andrew! Andrey, stop!

-Kick the stick. -No. -No.

-Kick the stick. -No. -No.

Drop the baton, I say!

-[Irina screams]. -[Ilona sighs]

If you do, I don't care.

That's what I got myself into.

-[adventurous background music] -[clanking]

Very, very few likes for a presidential campaign.

-Take it off. -I'm not ready.

[Igor] No, here, make a video.

Yes, it's fine.

[heroic melody].

Dear voters,

at a time when the people of our homeland,

reduced to impoverishment,

I'm ready to take off my last shirt for the people.

And as for the t-shirt... Pants!

What pants! People don't care about underwear.

Choose me!

Is this a cut?

[Igor] Well, how's it going?

It's great.

-[Igor] Give it to me. -Here.

Isn't she beautiful, little one? Let's go, let's go.

[Irina] No, no, I'm not ready yet. I told you, you have to wait.

And I'm ready.

Hey, this one, you know, What is the difference between a condom and a condom?

No.

Condoms only go to bed once,

and idiots have been going to the Verkhovna Rada for five years to the Verkhovna Rada and still don't want to go.

And with this one... you will have quite an orgasm,

that you will explode, like a Russian missile at launch.

I don't want to explode, you know?

I mean, I want it, I really want it, but what? I have so many problems at the moment, you know?

And all my problems are because of you,

I mean, my God, what am I saying... Wait!

Stop. I really need the money,

I need an apartment. Can you give me one?

I will give you a hundred packages.

So let's go!

-[adventurous background music] -[screams]

[adventurous background music fades out].

[Igor] Pantalones...

[sad background music].

[clock in progress].

The price of gasoline has changed in the country.

The dollar exchange rate has changed.

The president is about to change...

and the pantaloons are the same.

Why the hell did you say you wanted me?

Because I want it, I really want it.

Well, in terms of a plan, I really need you.

And I told him I wasn't ready yet.

But I'll be right back, I just need a minute, but please wait.

Pants, oh my God, pants...

[sad background music].

[How are you, Ilonka?

I wanted to eat a fish and not go into the lake.

You know, I'm not doing very well either.

Every time You meet a new bird and think:

"Here is a beautiful swan."

And then a crooked duck approaches.

So you're not the only one who ruined my life?

-What are you talking about? -I wish you were dead.

Do you want to talk about it? For sure.

I wish I never met you at that time I wish I'd never met him on that smelly swing!

Are you interested in something? Besides money and sex?

Right now, I'm only interested in one thing:

therefore, you little shit Don't tell anyone about us.

X�!

Panties, panties, panties...

It's crazy!

-[adventurous background music]. -[Eduard breathing heavily]

[mumbles, grinding his teeth].

Irusia!

You're the only one who's so excited, that your teeth are chattering with passion?

We need tacos, repeat after me. Like dolphins!

-[imitates dolphin songs, gurgles] -[gurgles, grunts]

Come on, repeat after me. Three or four. Come on, Irina.

You are my good friend,

I hope you're not using it Your panties are stupid, aren't they.

[imitates dolphin screams, laughs].

What breasts you have! Irina, why are you so cold?

-[oppressive silence] -[clock ticking]

Because I'm Eduard.

[Panties...

[adventurous background music].

Oh, there's a mouse. I'll be right back.

[Igor] Are you scaring normal people? I almost pissed myself for the second time!

You are a cold candidate. Who are you? Who are you, a skinhead?

I am a father... I am a father... I am a father!

Are you Ira's father? Who are you kidding?

What am I, a child?

No, I am the child's father.

Where are the children? Where is the child? Where is the child, you pervert!

After the cold porch somewhere very deep inside me.

Will become a surrogate mother for my son... the future.

And I have to become a surrogate father.

Let's go respect each other. I'll go first.

I am... the first.

[Igor] I can see that Irka is really affected by this swinger theme was deeply affected by this topic.

The Irka is like a "European car".

Why is it so cheap?

It is not clear who the owner is.

But you know, this one, Edik,

Two bald men in one room It's a little too much.

I have my own plans for Irka. Come on, let's go.

Are we going far?

Not us, but you.

- "I don't want to go to the balcony, I've already been outside, it's cold. -Calm down.

I will resist.

I had one that was resisting, and the oak bark soothed him very well.

Did you make a dye?

They made a coffin.

I'm going to the balcony myself.

Can I get a blanket?

Please do this.

-?... -And there is no coffee.

[rumbling].

Found it!

[rumbling].

Is something wrong?

I definitely won't raise it to cats.

You don't like my kitten? I have options!

See, there's lace, there's rhinestones, do you want some?

Irusia, we don't need underwear, If we're going out together...

To get revenge.

[laughter].

Revenge... on whom?

As for who? My goat Andrei and his long-legged whore.

Why?

To get laid.

[dramatic background music].

When?

Don't you know that?

Well, when was the last time you You've been in this bed suffering from shit.

Irusia, did you fall from the pole?

-Ilosia couldn't have betrayed me. -Of course, just like my Andriy.

She is your first love,

And then they had sex, unlike you and me.

So tell me: which ones should I use?

Well, if it's true what you say,

I will make her the fastest woman in Ukraine: One stands here and the other in Khmelnytsky.

[Irina] So, which are the best to use: these or these?

-But before that, I'm going to rip off your arms and legs. -These, right?

I'll break your arrogant head and rip out your tongue.

Tear them up. I'll use them anyway.

[Igor] I gave you a gift the Cote boutique chain!

And she gave him horns.

But first...

I'll open your pathologist.

-Pneumologist. -It doesn't matter.

The coffin is not an office, there are no signs.

Or maybe we can get revenge after all?

Yes, we will take revenge... we will take revenge.

-I love you too. -What are you doing?

What are you doing? Oh, my God, I'm soaked!

[Andriy, stop it!

And here I am.

I left her for five minutes, and she was already soaked.

And you, you glassy-eyed condom, You're going to cum, aren't you?

I'm going to poke some holes in you today, and no one will fix them.

-Kotusik, it's not what you're thinking. -Does he think?

It was you who gave me the horns, and now you're kidding me?

Now I know exactly who I'm going to dig today. Come on, get out of your jacuzzi.

Did you hear it, a jacuzzi!

- "Get out," I said. - "Coil.

Please, Ilona. Please blow the whistle.

-[Andriy] Kotusyk. -Tools.

Get out too.

You chained my hands!

I should have chained your legs.

-Come on, get out. -Coil!

[Skirt!

See, he's hitting on two women, and he's joking, talking about something.

Why two? Three.

[Sveta.

Leave him alone!

Who the hell are you?

Nobody. Andrei caught her on the balcony the day you came to swing.

What it was? Was my Andrey rocking?

Mr Andrei and that prostitute, That's why we split up.

Did you have sex with him?

-Do you believe this idiot? -Look at you.

-He cheated on her with her? -Yes.

I thought Andrey didn't like climbing stairs.

And now I see him, he is sleeping in a sagging crib.

-He loves me. -He loves me, but he just had sex with you.

[Sveta] And where did our our magical sex?

Is a minute and a half of sex magical? He didn't get off me for hours.

-Whores! -Cow!

Shut up, you chickens!

[Get out, get out.

You're the one who's hitting two women, and you're hitting mine?

Uncle, are you some kind of sex machine?

Let's go, let's go. Come on, share your secret.

Come and share your experience. I also want to know your secret.

Come on, come on, get out. Get out, I said, you circus performer.

Get dressed!

[adventurous background music].

Here it is.

-Let's go. -Can you stop pushing?

[What it was?

-Wow! - "Let's go to the kitchen.

The kitchen is there.

You will see the Mother of God, You will see the Almighty in me now.

Do you hear me, Andriusha?

-Are you listening to this? -What?

The worms are calling. "Andriusha, Andriusha..."

-What are you doing? -No one is doing anything.

[Ihor] Hey, doctor, people are coming up, See how many likes there are!

-[dynamic background music] -[Igor whistles]

I am reporting from one of Kiev's alcohol dens.

My heart is in pieces.

Dear Ukrainian women,

guardians, nurturers, Our mothers in love,

I promise: when I become president, I will give every woman a sober man, instead of these...

-Fuck! "-...of such ochlomones.

Choose me!

[Igor laughs].

Hey, doctor, do you know, Why do we have such bad roads?

No.

Because they torture idiots like you.

What?

[clock in progress].

They're all fucked!

I am officially terminating any agreement with you,

You are a low and immoral being,

who tricked me into coming here - to a place of depravity and unsanitary conditions.

In such conditions No children are born, only cockroaches.

-I'm leaving here, I'm disgusted with everything! -[Irina screams].

The dead man... spoke...

[sad background music].

[Sveta] So, do you love him?

Who?

Andriy.

Why do I need your poverty?

What am I, some kind of cheap girl? to fall in love with this guy?

Oops, it's not cheap.

??

I'm a socialite.

[A socialite?

-You're wet, chicken! -Come here!

Come here. You... you are nothing!

Who is telling me a stripper chained to a pole?

Oh, my God, be careful! There's a wild lioness in the bathroom!

[grunts].

[It's all your fault, I didn't realize that at first. It's you!

You told me here:

"Your Leaning Tower of Pisa will fall." And indeed, I had a flat tire.

Well, they got a flat tire, so what do I have to do with it?

Are you really not bothered? Or are you just kidding?

The apple is hanging, the turntable has fallen, Grandma doesn't care, Felix doesn't come,

A dead fly doesn't buzz,

Baldy doesn't want to join the army, Vanka is not erect, what is wrong with you?

Erectile dysfunction.

You gave me bad luck with the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

You are a penis molar, a penis thief.

-I'm a pulmonologist. -[Igor] You're shit!

Because you fucked my wife and I didn't fuck yours.

Let's talk about it.

-[adventurous background music] -[grunts]

[I can't help you.

What do you mean, you can't?

[Andriy] Oh, cut the bacon.

[Igor] I'm going to cut the sausages now.

D.

Let's play surgeon, and I will be the surgeon.

-What am I going to do? -And you will pee sitting down for the rest of your life.

So, there you have it.

Life is shameful!

[Bitch!

[dramatic and sad background music].

You're right... You're right, I'm nobody.

I'm a proud lioness,

who was chained all her life to a bald and powerless hamadrya.

-[Ilona solu�a]. -What a bastard of an oligarch you are.

Chaining a person to a pipe... Only an animal can!

Calm down. It's not like it's new, that they all drink,

That they are all goats, that everyone eats meat!

Dirty, smelly pigs - that's what they are!

You know, Sveta, I have never been happy.

And I've never had an orgasm.

-Will you save me? -As?

Doctor, are you listening, doctor?

Please, please, please.

-What are you doing? -I will gild you,

I will appoint you Minister of Health,

please tell me your secret. Please!

I don't have any secrets.

What do you mean by "no secret"?

You did this to me, that my parsley has dried up,

and women cling to you, like shit in katsaps. Ah, flip-flops.

How do you do this?

I don't know! I'm not doing anything. I swear I'm not doing anything.

You don't want to be the Minister of Health, I will give you a Mercedes.

-I don't want. - "A new Cube, the guys from Lithuania brought it to me,

just change the numbers, and you can call Kiev, do you hear?

You'll be running around Kiev like a king.

-What king? -Andrey I, the Bishop of Kiev.

Wait, wait, yes, oh, yes.

Here, I need this. Don't let it out, beaver, Don't let it out, keep it in.

Meeting with public sector employees.

By my side is is the future Minister of Health,

Honored pulmonologist from Ukraine,

who, at the cost of his own health saves our lives.

A campaign for the future president A "cube" for each doctor.

-What kind of cube? -German.

I love you.

Choose me!

[grunts].

You need a psychiatrist.

Wait, half a million views in three seconds, half a million.

"I can't laugh, I'm going to vote for him. I'm going to vote for him, he's a unique idiot."

You don't need to read this.

You better be thinking how to get my masculinity back.

- "I understand, I understand everything. -Come on, come on.

You need...

...doing something.

I need to record it somewhere. That's great advice.

[I've already done everything, doctor:

and slept in the bathtub with oysters, you know,

like Duremar with leeches, and crawled naked and with his bare bottom in an anthill.

So much so that my uterus almost died, do you hear me?

And the current through the tomatoes, and in the hive of the hive

You can get all messed up.

And so it was.

Hey, doctor, just give me back my manhood,

and I will place a "cube" under your door.

[adventurous background music fades out].

Sveta.

To love!

Oh, oh, oh, mama, you're choking down the vodka like that, as if it were holy water.

Where did you warm your bunk, you hear?

The seventy-second gymnasium of Pechersk.

Eight years between one call and another.

-Wow, wow! -I'm an English teacher.

[What a damn cow!

A new category of voters. Health.

The fate of Ukrainian teachers is difficult. It is the fate of Ukrainian teachers.

I say this because I know,

because he himself served seven and a half years behind a desk,

Therefore, I take the oath as President shorten the term

secondary education from twelve to five years of age.

Screw the table! Choose me!

[grunts].

"Little one, do you hear me?

For your first love.

-Who are you talking about? -I think it's Ilona.

[Igor laughs].

You know, Andrey,

how much it hurts to hear in the morning that you will love them until the last day,

and, at night, the same love for a long-legged prostitute?

This is definitely about Ilona.

-You did it! -Then you're about to find out how much it hurts.

[sounds of a passionate kiss].

Does it hurt here?

No.

That hurts.

I knew that.

And here it hurts.

This woman is a real helper, like a weak man on a scooter in the field,

and I...

I would rather have a fish like that without oil all night... [sounds of passionate sex].

And now...

Did you make it?

My God, you're all wet,

You can also get sick. Come, I have some dry clothes.

I wrapped it around a rod, like a tent, and she stayed up all night.

[adventurous background music].

What?

You are a genius, doctor!

We need to recreate the same environment, when I stopped being a man.

What?

At the same time I have... you know? ?!

Why did you enter big politics? You seem to have enough money.

No, no, no...

You know, I like turning people upside down.

The president and the people They are like a screw and a nut:

The screw is there, but the nut is turning and turning, something doesn't feel right,

She's lamenting,

and a screw in the drum, because it is a screw,

Because he is the president.

I'll tell you one thing:

The sow, it squeaks, it squeaks, groaning, the screw is still there,

But we've already removed the threads from more than one screw.

[adventurous background disappears].

This is the popular wisdom.

[clock in progress].

- "She's alive, and thank God. I'm leaving. -What about the children?

Yes, yes, yes, I don't want to have children with you.

And I want money from you. Then pay me moral compensation.

-Yes, oral compensation. -Halt!

Woman, don't touch the sacred,

If not, do you know what I will do to you?

[gasps].

Hey, doctor, what's going on?

You drink like a priest at Easter, and your shirt is torn like a pirate flag,

And women love him.

-Maybe it's the size, right? -What size? Woman or what?

No, the size of a salary. The size of a screw, of course.

Because women only say who don't care about size,

and want to be fucked like that to the liver, to the brain.

Show me!

- "I'm not going to show you anything. Show me.

-Show me the screw. Show me! -I'm not going to show you anything.

-Doc, wait, do you want me to show you mine? -You don't need to show me anything.

I'll show you! I don't spare anything for people.

[sound of a fly being unzipped].

[Igor laughs].

[crying].

Hey, open up! You bastards!

[Igor laughs from a distance].

-[Igor] Don't cheat, show me yours... -Andriy] I'm not cheating!

-[Igor] Don't pull. Where did you put the notch? -Andrey] He put the notch for himself, not for me.

[Igor] I don't care about these notches.

I have a presidential one in reserve.

That's why he doesn't work for you, because it's presidential,

I have a folklore. I plow from morning to night, from night to morning.

And it hurt, Andriusha, it was a blow below the belt.

Excuse me, gentlemen, but what is this rudeness?

Oh, all women tell me that... they used to...

And who are you? Goodnight.

Let me introduce myself: Eduard.

Andrii.

And what are you doing in my house, excuse me?

And he came to end your Iruska.

-And you? -Me too.

[Igor sings a march].

I'm the only one who doesn't seem to be screwing up.

Edik, tell me.

[You know, How is our Irohka doing?

[dramatic background music].

Ira, tell me, why are you so unlucky?

What will happen to him there?

I'm curious to know what these respectable gentlemen are doing it that way...

in the kitchen?

And we have a corporate party, board games.

Charades, contests, competitions, magic tricks.

The snacks are good.

I really like That tattoo on your buttocks.

Oh, you mean Mickey Mouse on the butt? Hello, Walt Disney.

[Eduard] is very sophisticated.

And that birthmark I think I've seen her somewhere before.

[Eduard] Can I take a closer look?

Where are you going?

[Igor laughs].

Are you from Kryzhopil, by any chance?

For example, from Kryzhopil.

For example.

Isn't your mother's name Tamara?

-Let's say Tamara. -[Andrey] Let's say.

And her father left her, When you were six months old?

And how do you know about Kryzhopol, that my mother is Tamara Tamara and that your father left when you were six months old?

[Son!

[Eduard cries].

[Father!

Bollywood!

Andriusha, here it is.

[Father!

Father!

What are you doing?

Take it off.

- "I need to take everything off, can you help me? -Yes, of course.

[background lyrical melody].

You have such gentle hands...

[Sveta] You have such delicate skin...

I know, but what's the point?

[That bastard never tells you, How good is your figure?

I forgot the last time he touched me.

[Ilona groans].

[Ilona] You, you are so kind...

And you have such beautiful lips.

[background lyrical melody].

See the film. Shoot, Spielberg, "We'll split the Oscar between you and me.

-Why? -Why?

I promise! Of all the abandoned children,

of all needy orphans in Ukraine,

for these scoundrel parents. forced sterilization,

Castration, hanging by the balls live on air.

-You have no right! -But I have a rolling pin, and I'm going to give it to you right now...

"Don't touch the rolling pin, we still have to roll the dough.

I thought you were my son, I believed you.

And an ice cream girl like her,

The ice also believed in you, and you took the child, took her to the orphanage.

But my mother's name was not Tamara, but Lyudmila,

boarding school for prosthetics in Zhytomyr.

The registration is done with a file along the ribs.

For every time I ran to you, daddy, for three days of buckwheat.

-You won't get away with it, I have lawyers. -What the hell do you want lawyers for a corpse?

[thud of a fallen body].

[Igor laughs].

From the future president for all abandoned children:

revenge for bastard parents. Choose me!

What do you think?

What corporate party did you organize, worse than my workplace.

Go ahead, grab the scalpel and cut the guy open.

I'm a pulmonologist.

You will be a pathologist. Go ahead and pump the corpse, doctor.

[Ilosia!

-My God, I had an orgasm! -It was beautiful.

You know, Ilona, you're right:

Men are unlimited ATMs,

And love... you need to look for it among your own.

[background lyrical melody].

Oh, my ostrich!

I left it for ten minutes, and they were already rubbing their hands.

Edik!

What to do?

Iran!

Iran!

Andriy! Andrew!

Andriusha!

Andriy!

Andriy!

Ira, Edik is not well.

For the second time that night, a man dies.

Wait, no one is leaving, we're going live.

I'm here with two lost women of the Great Ring Road.

As your future president, I solemnly promise to legalize prostitution.

Each prostitute receives an official salary, a pension and an unlimited taxi pass.

To open brothels in all Khrushchev apartment blocks.

Every Ukrainian needs a prostitute. Choose me!

So, girls?

-What the hell are you talking about, you idiot! -Bitch? What did you call me?

Get the fuck out of here!

I lived with you just for money.

-Can I live with you for free? -You idiot!

-Resuscitation. -Word of mouth. Let's go.

-Are you ready? -Yes.

Its head looks like an elephant egg.

-I agree. -You should be on display at the zoo.

I feel sorry for the animals, but not for you. You bastard!

Get up, Edik!

-You're out of here. -What did you call me?

You hear her, she lives and dreams, to see your louboutins in your eyes!

-I hate the way you snore, the way you breathe! -Come on, come on.

-Bastard! -Nine hundred!

I hate your bald head, I hate it his nose hair, his stupid beard.

Keep it up, girls, keep it up!

Your feet are disgusting, the way they scream, God, the way they scream.

[adventurous background music].

Let's go!

Come on, let's make a million! Come on, come on, come on!

-Demons! -One million!

He died.

Yo-mayo...

Like our love.

Our love is with you, Andriy,

He was handsome, he wasn't old and bald.

One million!

-What? -What?

I'm horny again.

And I'm with her again, my dear girls, I'm horny!

-I'm the future president and I'm going to have sex with everyone. -What's your problem? A turn on!

[sleeps happily].

Maybe we should try again?

[dynamic background music].

I'm going to have sex with everyone. I am the future president.

No, but you will not be president.

Are you doubting me? Will I win the election? Look!

See, over a million views, I destroyed Trump like a hot water bottle.

Ihor is a good boy, Ihor is beautiful.

So I convinced my friend Valerka to tell him to give you some information about the presidency.

That was the first point of my scheme.

Wait, what scheme?

Like, which one?

What do you think, I was just interpreting acting in stupid clothes?

You think I hired that guru for nothing?

I did this to Svetka on purpose, just to get you hooked.

And that's it! See, you're horny.

It's a complete finish. Women haven't abandoned me yet.

Wait, what about the sauna with the CEC president?

Igor, calm down, there will be no sauna,

There will be no CEC, nor press conferences, there will be no press conferences, this is all just my imagination,

to increase its potency.

Kotusik! Kotusik, are you really crazy?

No, no, no, not now, not now!

[depressing background music].

[Coil, what are you doing?

Coil, coil, coil...

-Idiots! -Where are you going, curly?

-Are you coming to see me? -You too.

Where are my apartments? You both promised me I was promised apartments. Where are the apartments?

[Irusia!

Oh, the swingers are here to give gifts.

And the first in our ranking is the dock.

What do three women like that want? three girls like this:

The first, the second and then the third,

and is a stupid and hesitant bastard,

It is not possible to screw a shelf into the hallway, just an ordinary shelf.

And you, Lipetsk Roshen factory, Don't know who to sell to,

instead of taking off your panties once and for all and give yourself to your man.

Listen, uncle, my aunt wanted to have a surrogate she wanted to have a surrogate because of you.

We've touched a lot of swingers, that's it!

I unite you and bless you, newlyweds.

And two, and three, and the spirit...

You turned against the man, well done!

See who's here. A tit.

Hey, auntie, you're teaching the wrong subject who is teaching at school,

you should have founded a school for geisha paratroopers.

I created the slogan: Throw your tits from balcony to balcony.

This is the type of start-up. Silicon Valley is out of the question.

That's a great joke!

And you, Ilosia, I will kill you. I'm going to kill you, baby, I'm going to kill you.

I thought there was one person, and then there was "Kote".

You are a two-faced anus, where my money disappears, you idiot.

And you, where are you looking?

You like seeing other people having fun, don't you?

Because there is no life of your own.

Likes, comments, shares. the Enlighten Your Life program.

Did you believe I would run for president? Did you really believe that?

You're just waiting for a bastard to show up and solve all your problems for you, right?

They are ready to believe anything, that he gave him mansions and money.

And the bigger the scoundrel, the more you believe in him.

And the more promises he makes, But you believe in him!

Ah, the dislikes are here.

You really don't like it?

Instead of doing something ourselves,

clean up shit after yourself, clean up your dog's shit,

I have a shitty head... you...

Ah, I remembered the shit - the shit came out.

-Yes, yes, brother. -I'm going to Ilonka.

Your girlfriend is here, still alive, but the grave is already dug.

[Sorry, Ilona asked me to do this, I thought it would be funny, that it would be cool.

Of course, those jokes!

Is the entire Internet laughing at the bald man? Do you like this? Do you like it too, Valera?

[Valera] Well, yes, we are at Valeryanych's house now, watching your videos.

It's agony, brother, it's agony!

We are shocked, really shocked, that people treated him that way.

In short, there are no more jokes now,

With this type of advertising, you will actually apply for president. Get ready, candidate!

-[horn]. -[adventurous background music]

Everything changed. I'll give you some money, "I'll give you a cube and you...

I was going to kill him, but I forgot. And now I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to have sex with you like this, I'm going to give you oral sex like this...

You're so rude that you tripped over me.

I will make you the first lady. I will make you a queen.

[grunts].

Let's start the pre-election sex.

Why are you so sad, zombie?

See, a girl disappears next to you. Here!

Blow it inside her so she has a hole like that, to make the Carpathian owls jealous.

-He's gay. -Who is gay?

[He is. And another seven percent of our country.

Seven percent of the country. Ignorant. You and I. You are my queen!

[Andriy shouts, irritated].

[Quiet, quiet, quiet!

[I'm tired of everyone!

Get out of my house!

Yes, with pleasure.

Give me the blanket.

You will send the clothes by mail.

[background lyrical melody].

[Sighs].

Oh...

Yes...

Yes. Yes.

Let's go. That's it.

[rumbling].

Andriusha, these things are mine.

You threw my things away.

Shit.

No problem, we'll buy new ones.

[hammer hits].

Irusya.

Did you really want Have a baby with that bald guy?

No!

I... just wanted a new life.

I just wanted a son. I would never give it.

I also wanted to have a child.

I wanted a normal life, a normal family.

Andrei, we did so many so many stupid things.

Especially you, listen, especially you!

Iryna, Iryna...

I want many children, our children.

Tomorrow again?

There are no more tomorrows.

Now, immediately.

[LETAY's song "Make Love" plays].

Make love, it's spring

Relentless like war

Make love, she's here

No more waiting!

[dynamic background music].

"Guru, you need to open your chakra.

What, do you want me Do you want your bastard to kill me?

It won't. This idiot He is busy with his election.

Meet the insurmountable Lady X!

[Igor sings as Lady X].

There are many politicians around me

But I'm the best, screw you all

Give me your vote without hesitation

All this is called... love! d

So simple

Power and sex

So simple

Eternal reflection

She hugged everyone, lifted everyone up.

Hey, dad, can I congratulate you? Have you found a surrogate mother?

Go to hell with your advice!

I don't want these women anymore, nor your children.

I was a father for two minutes, I almost lost my liver.

All around me, the roads are broken

I'm interested in women with long legs

In Goa and the Maldives, a double-decker boat

All this is called the word... "official"! d

So simple

Power and sex

So simple

Eternal reflection

[grunts].

As your future president, I solemnly promise,

I won't stop for anything on my way to Europe.

There are gay pride parades every week, every boy gets a man,

One child for every gay couple.

Monroe! Monroe for Prime Minister. Choose me!

-[applause] -[Igor screams with joy]

-[Igor laughs from a distance]. -[the dynamic melody disappears].