Original subtitles

(the phone rings)

Hello bro. How is life?

Salute, dear. You are sitting? Sit down.

You won't fall after what I'll tell you.

OK.

Greetings from Valerianich.

In short, Igoryunya, you are running for president.

Presidents, Presidents... To some offshore company, right?

Oh thank you, oh thank you.

Are you dumb? To the presidents of the country!

Your mother...

Now what?

And now what? Start promoting collect likes.

Everything has already been decided for you.

You have a press conference tomorrow

then we'll go to the sauna to get acquainted with the head of the CEC. It's clear?

What, right in the sauna?

Well, yes. Fuck her and that's it. You are the president.

I'll fuck everyone!

To modern society, and especially to me,

need healthy courageous men.

Healthy?

With press cubes.

Like Brad Pitt.

And with the same biceps.

Like the Klitschko brothers.

Klitschko? Just like two?

Maybe like a younger one.

All! All! All!

Can I change?

I am everything! I am everything! I am everything!

Crap!

Rabbits, and you have a new record.

Minute forty.

Bitch!

(song playing)

What is the stigma of sadness on the lips of a bunny?

Repeat.

On the lips is the mark of sadness.

Yes, I'm not for you. Repeat.

I see our bunny quite a carrot hung.

And what happened to the genius this time modern producer?

Dan left me.

I immediately told you that your Dan is an asshole.

By the way, did you pay for the session?

And you can pay off piz ... piz ...

- What, what? - Pіznіshe.

No you can not. Tell me more that you don't have money.

Well, now I have one problem...

Tripper... Tripper...

The first three rules of the future president.

Lie more.

What?

Little liars go to hell

and the big ones for the presidency.

Rule number 2. Eat more.

From under the fat ass is harder knock out the presidency.

And rule number 3. Steal more.

After the first two paragraphs you won't get a chance.

You are my beauty!

Swingers - 2

(sings) I rode, Igorechek rode

I'm starting an election campaign.

So, let's go to the birch bark.

My head is the head of everything.

Choose me!

No, something is not right.

Not a word, but a dick.

Something somehow...

Oh god damn Shrek...

My dear!

This is how you can give birth.

As my mother used to say: don't throw the voodoo stick,

not that you marry a toad.

Now the toad will remove the skin.

And turn...

And turn...

into beauty.

Well, yes.

I see the kitten wants to play?

And today he wants to play hetman.

It turns me on.

What hetman? We live in the XXI century.

I'm running for president.

Some offshore company?

To the presidents of the country!

Yes!

And what, I then become the first lady?

Listen, who do I look like more:

this... Claire Underwood Or Melania Trump?

you look a bit like Rapunzel.

And a little more on Lyudmila Kuchma.

Completely reckless.

I have not decided yet.

The father must think it over.

(song playing)

Dan doesn't believe that I can make him a star.

And he's right.

It's hard to make candy out of shit.

- But I blinded you! - What?

I have talent, charisma, legs.

And your Dan is no.

Dan doesn't like me because I'm old.

The Colosseum, for example, is old,

but that doesn't stop him from being popular.

Let's give you a little refurbishing the façade?

And you, like a young stallion,

jump into the hall and find a new Danchik.

Monroe, don't bullshit me!

I'm like Dan...

prepared a gift.

Gosha.

I love diamonds.

you really had is it all that serious?

How many carats?

Two.

Fuck two years!

Well, for such a ring you can and two years in the ass.

Do you want Dan back?

Haven't you decided?

Certainly.

There is always a need for ministers,

officials, deputies...

- Fuck the whole country. - Yeah.

And you...

What kind of president are you?

You are just a climber.

I'm sorry, what?

Crazy climber!

Who has not been able to climb on your wife.

Maybe you have some problems?

So you confess, do not be ashamed.

We'll buy you Viagra

or order, for example, powder shredded rat's penis.

I saw in the store.

It needs to be crushed and rubbed.

I don't need to rub anything.

I have a kid like a rocket from Kim Jong-un -

button pressed and kapsdets Washington.

Then I want your rocket at least once a month

flew into my windless space.

Into your mindless space

I have an intelligent weapon there - does not want to work without brains.

- Doesn't want to? - Imagine this.

And can you confess to me at least once,

that you just... can't?

What are you?

She said she farted into the water.

Yes, I'm with my boy I can flip the Hummer.

Do you remember the monument to Lenin in Bessarabka?

So it was me who knocked him down.

But you can't me. Well, of course, I'm not Lenin.

Can.

Can not.

I said I can.

Can not.

And I said I can.

Well, prove it.

And it's easy.

Why do you think so, bitch?

I won't go anywhere.

Do you understand?

I won't give up without...

On you!

I cried and everything!

You know what, Svetochka,

we will not only share a husband with you,

but also the kitchen.

Well, nothing, nothing.

Soon I will have so much money

how many...

And at least chew your ass.

Like this.

And only a child will bind you for life.

Which child? Where?

There are no blue storks.

There are blue woodpeckers in this world. I'll explain to you.

Everything is very simple.

In a female egg

the male seed is introduced.

And just nine months later...

Yes, stop it! Don't fool me.

Who is this?

It's you.

And this?

Surrogate mother.

And if I take this surrogate capacity...

Now you will scream at me like a young wolf.

Just like at a concert that handsome Vinnik.

God, can I really see now a real hetman's mace

and not the depressing Khmelnytsky elephant?

Come on, come here.

Like this.

All right, let's get ready.

Come on, come on. It's me, your horse with thumbs... fingers.

What?

Well, what is it?

Again you and your cats crap everything.

Well, I can not set sexual records,

when 137 cat eyes look at me.

136.

Especially. Honey, I can't have sex,

when 136 cat eyes look at me

and one cat asshole.

So it's all my fault, right?

And who in our house is too emotional?

One brainless old fool

who doesn't want to fuck his wife.

So, so... Go to the bathhouse.

To go to the bath, you need money.

And you stopped giving me money.

No sex - no money.

So I give.

You give so much that you don't want to take.

How can you give?

How how? Herak!

Today is your opening day, grandpa.

I'll tell you about the internet.

Monroe, get on stage.

Fuck.

See how many there are.

This one, for example, do you like it?

All women are somehow not very good for me.

So it fits.

Smile.

With such an expression even the tube will fail.

Enter. All.

She has your photo.

She sees me and does not answer.

(message sound)

She already answered and even sent the address.

Who stole my man

then I'll throw the pig.

Come on, vegetarian bitch

We'll see. what kind of dinner will you have.

Why didn't you drop it?

I'm not going anywhere to spite you.

Salo?

Where did bad fat come from? in a healthy meal?

Maybe some pig dropped him?

Who are you calling a pig?

Who is this pig?

Who stuck his snout into my apartment.

This is Andrew's apartment.

Not Andrew, he takes it off.

So take it off too.

I'd love to have the money.

Well, you are our master of filming their panties and other people's husbands.

You yourself abandoned him.

He cheated on me.

To change you is not a betrayal, but a victory.

Help boats.

Help me please.

Come on, come on.

Mr. President,

I am your new secretary.

Wow.

My name is...

Monica.

Lewinsky! Lewinsky! I'm not a fool.

and Levinsky,

and pravinsky,

and in the middle.

You need to sign some papers.

I want you to wet your pen...

Oh my god...

...in my ink.

I am not Clinton.

I'm impo...

I will not tolerate impeachment Nothing will ruin my reputation.

Go, go, who said.

At least give me oak.

So, take your ass from my apartment

and forget about me and my husband.

Andrew is my husband.

According to my passport.

And in bed - mine.

He just fucks you.

Do not envy.

What is there to envy?

One and a half minutes?

Five times for a minute and a half.

You won't have any five times for a minute and a half, will not,

if you feed him with this weed.

He is a vegetarian like me.

Then I'm a ballerina. Andrew is normal The man loves meat.

Especially when he drinks.

Now he doesn't drink.

Certainly. He would be sober for such lahudru, like you, was not led.

Andrey will not return to you.

Have you seen yourself in the mirror?

Will return.

If he wants meat, he will return.

Will not come back.

Do we argue?

Do we argue?

We argue. For what?

On Andrey.

How is that?

And like this.

If Andrey eats today at least one piece of meat

you get out of our apartment and you forget about me and Andrey.

And if not, then you.

No problem.

Are you silent?

What, ashamed? Did you even lower your head?

Why did you lower your head? It's embarrassing for him.

I'm ashamed of you in front of the heifers.

So either you will earn

and it didn't work for me,

or you will go to the dacha to water the flower beds.

I count to three. One... Two...

Here they go in the morning until evening on the washed floor.

They walk, they walk, they shuffle.

Either ministers or ambassadors to the president.

Slap-slap, slap-slap.

And clean up everything for Maria Ivanovna.

Get out, get out, butt up.

I clean everything to a shine so that in the office the president was all over the place.

Mr President, don't you need clean up here?

(laughter)

Well fuck yourself! Like thunder on a clear day.

Dear Representative of the Electorate,

I, of course, promised to feed his people, but not the same.

I'm here in my shorts dancing for days,

to turn you on, and you don't care.

I've completely lost my scent! How do you talk to the president?

What kind of president are you?

if you are not turned on by the cleaning lady, no first lady, no secretary?

A! I know.

Can we play police?

Good evening, mister host.

We lacked intimacy here.

Ilona, ​​I'm tired of everything.

Your role playing is even worse than pajamas with your cats.

And this is all because you are blocked sexual energy.

What?

My guru says what you need open the lower chakra.

Well, what guru says?

Is this a Romanian?

Romanian, right?

Infection!

Wait.

What do you have?

This plate was given to us. with Andrew for the wedding.

What a wedding - such gifts.

You don't have any of those either.

(they ring the doorbell)

I'm coming, I'm coming, my love.

I'm coming, I'm coming, my love...

Yes to you!

(they ring the doorbell)

What did you forget here?

We are starting a session of tantric sex.

Kind of a fairytale romp.

(laughter)

Only there is grass, grandfather Panas.

Please take the lotus position.

Like laundry detergent?

And what is it?

Ilona,

you must understand, first of all, what is kundalini.

He doesn't do that to me.

No no no.

He won't, I will.

Kundalini is not just for you to shove a stick.

Kundalini and Java are related

like Troyeschina and gopniks.

Oh, the first normal words And then I started to get scared.

Please sit down.

Any fool can open his legs,

but you need to open the chakra.

Look now I will uncover your mazahari.

Whose face?

I mean your wife.

Kitten, it's all for you.

Amsterdam...

Deceived, lured, posted someone else's photo.

What photo?

Go up your ass to your Dan.

She went herself, this is for me.

Please pass.

Lord, what is it, a hangout surrogate mothers?

I bought a bicycle without a saddle.

Now I am Edik.

Well, let's get out of here.

I offer my end

considered the beginning of a new life.

God, what am I wearing?

This shlendra knocked me down.

And then you guessed right - shlendra.

You and I have so much in common.

I love dogs. Woof!

So, let me help you.

(bolt)

I'm sorry.

Sorry. There are no men in the apartment at all, only vegetarians.

Oh, what a beautiful coat you have.

Norochka... Oh...

Come on in.

Tin.

By the way, how about an apartment?

Of course, everything is as in the contract.

What about food?

My chef will cook.

The chef is good. What about a cottage for mom?

I'm sorry, sit down.

Now I will feed you. Everything is fine.

I could give my mother a cottage. Here's the goon.

This asana is called in India in honor of the dog - Psina.

Face down.

And I thought, in honor of cancer.

I have been meditating in India for 63 years.

How many?

And me, boy, is already 98.

This is what is stressful.

And now let's go.

Where are you?

You said, "Let's go."

To enlightenment.

How is that?

Through breath.

We breathe... Deeper.

Even deeper! Deeper!

(the phone rings)

Hello, yes, I can't talk right now.

Funeral - 300, christening - 500.

Ugh! Baptisms - 300, funerals... funeral - 500. Everything, then.

Face down.

What?

I said face down!

No meat - no problem.

Oh you whore!

Well then fine.

No, don't touch! This is what Andryusha gave me.

Andryusha?

That's what you need, Andryusha.

Oh you...

No! This is sacred! Holy!

(roar, scream)

Oh you bitch! Come here, come here!

I'll arrange a hellish kitchen for you now.

Calm down. God, even the lid fell off.

Just try and I'll cut you with a knife.

You won't cut it.

Because he's stupid like you.

I'd rather be dumb than...

Where is the knife?

And here is the knife.

Take it easy, sheep!

I said face down!

You nearly fucked my grandmother. Almost fucked up. Did you like it, cock?

You won't find it small.

Wait, it's not Sahaja yet.

Guru must finish.

If he doesn't finish he will walk around angry all day.

Will not walk evil, he will be dead.

Do not you understand?

Tantra is not only a science, but also...

Hear, you, proctologist, who are you talking to?

Future president?

Stop!

Don't be silly, uncle. Stop!

I see everything.

You are cursed.

You have hanging karma.

You have a weak chakra.

You are cursed.

Do you hear, you Cyclops,

tell someone, I'm your third I'll stick my eyes in my ass.

I understood where all my problems started.

That woman sent a weak chakra on me.

We need to go there urgently.

Where?

In that chmoshnik where we are swinging were doing. Go.

No, I'm not going anywhere.

- Go! Nobody asks you. - I will not go!

- No food! Get up, I said go ahead! - I don't want to go, I don't want to!

- No food! - I'm not going, no!

Don't want!

No!

(police siren)

I killed him.

He came to create a new life

and I took the only life which he had.

Yes, you calm down.

I can't.

I'm having a panic attack.

Talk to me.

I ask you, Sveta, tell me something, take it off, please.

They say there are three meals a day in prison.

And on holidays they even give meat,

and you give to everyone who asks.

I'm begging you, just don't start.

(they ring the doorbell)

It's probably the neighbors.

Neighbors saw through the window and called the police.

That's it, I'm covered.

(they ring the doorbell)

Light, something needs to be done.

Light, Light, sunshine...

Sunshine, please

cat, we are already kindred spirits,

help me hide the corpse.

I'll give you everything you want.

All. Do you want an apartment, meat, Andrey. Do you want Andrew?

Do you want Andrew? If you want, take it. Want?

Will you give Andrew away? - Yes, I will.

- I'll give it. - OK.

I know where unwanted bodies are hidden.

Where?

To the balcony.

Let's.

(they ring the doorbell)

Doctors don't live in vain.

The pig fell, we save.

Though he stood firm,

but Andreika fell.

- Where is the owner? - There.

Where? we live there with Andrew.

Who are you listening to? He is my man, go there.

Take it to another room, we live there.

With a prostitute?

Yes, you are a prostitute.

I'm his wife, and you're already sick of it.

- There! - No, there!

Poor fellow!

And how can one not get drunk from such a life?

Yes, you go...

God, I've never seen him like this.

Which is weird, but so am I.

Your vegetarian principles are immediately evident.

Andrei does not drink now, he gets drunk.

Andrey...

Run around the houses

going to the pathologist.

Ay! Oh! Oh!

Let's.

Oh how your hands smell.

Meat.

Meat, yes.

(sings)

Briefly speaking...

(sneezes)

See, I said he will eat meat. He is mine.

- I'm calling the police. - Okay, forgot.

You don't drink.

Why did you do it?

Ka... ka...

Corporate!

(sings)

And what is your money?

Better don't ask.

God, why are you dressed like that? What, you got fired?

The best stripper can't be fired.

- Did you dance a striptease? - Yeah.

And where did the chief look?

On me.

What is he, gay?

He?

He...

Raisa Zakharovna.

(bolt)

(screams)

Quiet, quiet, quiet!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Here is a striptease!

I won't take off my panties. - Yes wait.

And he was an intelligent man.

Listen, these doctors are mean.

How bribes are taken, then in dollars,

but as a poor pulmonologist, then one hryvnia.

Turn on the water.

(they ring the doorbell)

Lord, it's for me, the police.

Svetochka, please, tell them something.

I? What are you?

Go, I won't leave him here alone.

(doorbell rings) They'll put me in jail.

They will put...

I'll be jailed... I'll be jailed...

Andrew, look at me.

Well, fasten up, what are you?

Don't touch me! Simply impossible!

Your head hurts already! Here already!

Ira, Irochka, Iruska! you are a beautiful girl...

What's wrong with you again?

Why are you embarrassing me again? Don `t cry.

Quiet, quiet.

I'm starting an election campaign.

I am the future president of Ukraine and his lady,

promise to every poor citizen our Khrushchev

by penthouse.

With a heliport with a gorgeous pool

and personal bidet.

- Do you want a house? - Yeah.

Choose me!

(laughter)

I will encourage you a little.

For starters - on the floor bumps.

Listen, and in this oasis nothing changed,

I'm just in ah...ahtunza.

Where is the doctor?

Where is Andryushka? Andryusha!

What's happened? What's happened?

You never hear me! Never!

Yes, zip up.

And you know what, you know?

I imitated all orgasms with you.

(laughter)

In vain you are so with me., Andryusha.

Andryusha!

Andryusha, I certainly heard about medical reform,

but so much?

You know, I even like you.

I take it you're from the hospital too?

Yeah. From a psych ward.

It can be seen.

One question.

What the hell are you doing here again?

What the hell?

Bald.

Who is now dead.

Oh my god... It's an accident.

This is a coincidence, I have nothing to do with it.

Just like you and.

No, he fell.

Like this? See you stood like a hammer

It's all because of my panic attacks. Do you remember?

You won't tell anyone, will you?

Yeah, I'll write it down and put it on the Internet.

Please don't tell anyone. I'll do anything.

- Anything? All? - Anything.

Anything? Ilona is right here then and will run now.

Here is our swamp. Swamp!

Are you completely crazy?

Wait, you said "And in sorrow and in joy"?

And the cubes should be like Brad Pitt's.

Brad Pitt? Brad Pitt himself?

Yes. And the balls, like the Klitschko brothers.

Quiet, quiet, quiet!

Yo mine!

Ichthyander, damn it...

Andryusha, Andryusha, Ichthyander, did you accidentally drown there?

This one doesn't sink.

Andryusha, Andryusha, Andryushka, do you recognize me?

It's me, Ilona. Do you recognize me?

Hello!

Are you Zita or Gita today?

No, we are Fantômas and Conchita.

Crap.

Everything, DiCaprio went under the ice.

Vitalik is ready.

- I don't want. - Through "I do not want."

So, you need to take a shower urgently.

What does "blow in" mean? No no need.

Depends on this "blow" the fate of the whole country.

- Honey, maybe...? - No, he can not!

Here's a moron!

So that there was crap - put the ballot in the ballot box.

- I am not ready! - But I'm ready.

Hey, put me in my place!

I will soon put the whole country in its place.

Andrey! Andrey!

Well, stand!

- Throw a stick! - No.

- Throw a stick! - No!

Throw a stick, he said.

If so, then I don't mind.

This is what I got into.

Very ... very few likes for the presidential company.

Shoot!

I am not ready.

No, take a video.

Ah, yes, good.

Dear voters!

At a time when our people of our country reduced to poverty

I'm ready to shoot for the people...

last shirt.

What about a shirt?

Trousers.

What's with the pants? Underpants!

No pity for the people.

Choose me!

Taken off?

Well, how? Fine?

Super!

- Let's! - Hold on.

Beautiful, right?

- Let's! - I'm not ready yet.

- I told you to wait. - I'm ready.

Listen, do you happen to know How are condoms different from condoms?

No.

Condoms only go to hell once

and condoms go to the Verkhovna Rada.

They come in, but they want to go to hell.

And after that you will have such an orgasm,

that you explode like a Russian rocket at launch.

So you... I don't want to explode.

You know I want, I want I just have so many problems right now.

You see, all these problems are because of you.

That is, what am I grinding? What am I grinding?

I really need money!

I need an apartment. Will you?

I'll give you at least a hundred apartments.

Then let!

Trousers!

The price of gasoline has changed in the country.

The exchange rate of the dollar has changed.

The president is about to change.

And pantaloons...

Fuck you said you want me?

Because I want, I really want!

I mean, I really need you.

I told you I'm not ready yet.

I need a minute.

Wait, wait, please.

Trousers...

Trousers...

Trousers...

How are you, Ilonka?

I wanted to eat fish

and don't go into the pond...

You know, I'm not very good either.

Every time you meet a new bird and you think:

"Well, here she is ... A beautiful swan."

And you swim closer, and this is an ugly duck.

Yeah. So you're not just me ruined life?

- In terms of? - You'd better take a breath.

Do you want to talk about it? Let's.

I'd rather be on that stinky swing didn't meet you.

Are you interested in anything at all? other than money and sex?

I'm only interested in one thing right now.

To your lahudra about us didn't say anything.

Panties... Panties...

Some kind of lunatic.

Irusya...

It's you who wound up, what do you have Teeth chattering with passion?

It is necessary to repeat the same with Ilona.

Like dolphins.

Come on, repeat after me. Three four!

Well, Iruna...

How good!

God, I hope you didn't put it on again your stupid pantaloons?

Aha! Wow!

What kind of chest do you have?

Irunya, why are you so cold?

Because I am Edward.

Underpants!

Pussy! Eat.

I now! Just a minute!

Are you scaring normal people?

I almost went bald for the second time!

You are a cold candidate...

Who are you? Who are you, skin hat?

I am father... I am father... I am father!

Are you Ira's father? Who are you breeding?

Who are you breeding? What am I, boy?

No, I'm the father of the child.

child? Where is the child?

Where is the child, you pervert?

After the cold balcony

somewhere deep in me...

Ira should become a surrogate mother my child.

Future.

Should I become a surrogate father?

(laughter)

Let's be respectful treat each other.

I am the first.

I am the first.

I see Irka this swinger theme majorly pushed.

Irka - like a euro number.

What's so cheap?

It is not clear who is the owner.

But you know what, Edik,

two bald dicks in one bedroom - it's overkill.

I have my own plans for Irka.

Well, come here!

Are we ... going far?

Not "we", but you.

Oh no! To the balcony... I don't want to on the balcony, I was there!

Calm down!

I will balk!

I have one stuck.

So he was very well calmed by oak bark.

Did you give him a tincture?

We made a coffin for him.

And you know, I'm on the balcony myself.

May I have a blanket?

Yes please.

Like this.

And there will be no coffee.

Found!

Is there something wrong?

I definitely won't get on cats.

Don't like my pussy?

Are there any other options. Look, there is lace there are strasses. Want?

Irusya, fuck our cowards,

if we got together... - Revenge!

(laughter)

Revenge? To whom?

How to whom? To my goat Andrew and that long-legged bitch.

For what?

Because they fucked.

When?

What, you don't know?

Well, when was the last time on this bed garbage suffered.

Irus, did you fall off the pylon?

Ilosia could not change me.

Of course, like my Andrey.

She is his first love. And they then fucked, unlike you and me.

Tell me what to wear, huh?

Well, if you're telling me the truth,

I will make her the most fast woman in the country:

one leg is here, and the other is in Khmelnitsky.

So which ones are better? These or these?

And before that I cut off their arms and legs.

These, right?

I'll break her impudent head and tear off her tongue.

Yes, take it off. But I'm still these.

And I gave her a whole network of boutiques.

And she gave you horns.

But first...

I'll open up your pathologist.

- Pulmonologist. - Maybe.

The coffin is not an office, there are no signs there.

Maybe we can get revenge, right?

Yeah.

We'll take revenge, we'll take revenge.

- Come to me! - What are you doing?

What are you like a little?

Oh my God! Yes, I'm all wet!

Cum!

Here I am!

(laughter)

I left it for five minutes and she's all wet.

And you, bespectacled freak, what, he was going to finish, right?

I'll make a couple of holes for you no one will darn.

Kitty, it's not what you think.

He thinks?

(laughter)

What are you, you set the horns on me and are you joking?

Now I know exactly who I will dig.

Get out of the jacuzzi.

Did you hear? Jacuzzi?

Get out, I say!

- Cat... - Please, Ilona...

Ilona, ​​please shut the whistle.

Shut up!

You get out too!

You tied my hands!

You also needed legs fasten at the same time!

Come on get out!

- Cat! - Get out!

He bangs two women, and also blurts out something with your tongue.

Why two? Three!

- Sveta! - Well, get off him!

Fuck yourself applications? Who are you?

Nobody. Andrey picked her up on the balcony,

on the day that you arrived swing to us.

What? Did my Andrey swing?

Your Andrew with this bitch... That's why we broke up.

Did you fuck with him?

What?

Did you believe this fool?

Look at yourself.

So he changed with her?

Didn't think Andrew liked it climb stairs.

And now I see that he is sleeping on a drooping cot.

He loves me.

He loves me, and he just fucked you.

And where did our enchanting sex come from then?

One and a half minutes is enchanting sex?

He didn't leave me for hours.

- Whores! - Bitch!

Shut up, chickens!

Get out, get out.

It's you two women bang,

and also grabbed mine, woodpecker?

You are some kind of sex machine!

Come on, let's share a secret.

Get out, uncle, and share your experience!

Well, I want to know your secret too!

Let's!

Come on, come on!

Come on get out!

Get out, I tell you, circus performer.

Get dressed.

And what?

Let's go!

No need to push.

What?

- Oh, what are you... - Let's go to the kitchen.

The kitchen is there.

You are now my Goddess... You will see my almighty now.

Do you hear Andryusha...

- Do you hear? - What?

The devils are calling: "Andryusha! Andryusha!"

What are you doing, well?

Nobody does anything.

What are you...

Hey, doc, people are pulling up.

Look how many likes!

Quiet, quiet, quiet!

Quiet, quiet!

I am reporting from one from alcopritons of the city of Kyiv.

The heart just breaks into pieces.

Dear Ukrainian women,

custodians, nurses,

you are our sufferers!

I promise when I'm president

each sober husband instead of these...

... these are the ohlamons.

Choose me!

Hey, doc, you know why the roads suck?

No.

Because they are buried assholes like you.

What?

They fucked up everything!

I'm officially breaking all agreements with you.

You are a low, immoral creature,

which deceived me here -

into a hotbed of debauchery and unsanitary conditions.

In such conditions, not children are born,

but only cockroaches.

I'm getting out of here, I'm disgusted here!

(scream)

The dead... have spoken.

So do you love him?

Whom?

Andrew.

But why do I need your evildoer?

I'm kinda cheap to fall for him?

oh, found here is not cheap!

I... I'm a socialite.

Socialite?

(laughter)

You chicken is wet! That's who you are!

Well, come here!

Come here! Yes, you ... Yes, you are nobody!

Who's talking to me?

A stripper chained to a pole?

Lord beware...

There is a wild lioness in the bathroom!

(laughter)

It's all your fault.

How did I not get it right away?

You then said to me:

"Your Leaning Tower of Pisa will fall."

And yes, I did have a flat tire.

Well, the wheel went flat. What am I doing here?

Are you really not finished?

You're kidding, aren't you?

The mace hung.

The vertuhai collapsed.

Grandma doesn't call... Felix doesn't come.

A dead fly does not buzz!

Bald doesn't want to join the army...

My Vanka is not Vstanka. What are you?

A?

(laughter)

Ergative dysfunction.

You jinxed me. With that Leaning Tower of Pisa.

You are a stem sorcerer!

Pissy critter!

- I'm a pulmonologist. - Shit you!

You fucked my wife

and I yours - no.

Let's talk!

I can't help you.

How is it "can't"?

Sala cut.

I'm cutting sausages now.

Doctoral.

Let's play surgeon.

I will be the only surgeon.

What should I do?

And you will write while sitting.

Until the end of your shameful life.

So...

Life...

...shameful!

Bitch!

You're right.

You're right, I'm nobody.

I am a proud lioness

all my life chained with a golden chain

to homodrill, impotent.

Well, this goat is your oligarch!

Fasten a man to a pipe...

Only an animal can.

Calm down.

Well you know it's not news that they all thump

that they are all goats, that they all eat flesh.

Dirty and smelly pigs - that's what they are.

You know, Sveta

I have never been happy.

And I never had an orgasm.

Will you save me?

How?

Doc, listen, doc...

Please, please, please.

What are you doing?

I will make you rich, I will make you health minister,

just please tell me your secret.

Please!

Yes, I have no secret.

How is it "no secret"?

You made my parsley wither.

And the women stick to you like shit to pendo ... to a vacuum cleaner.

How do you do it?

I don't know! I don't do anything!

I swear to you, I swear.

If you don't want to be a minister, I'll give you a Mercedes.

I don't want to be...

"Cube" ... The guys from Lithuania drove it. New...

Just kill the numbers and you can ... You can in Kyiv. Do you hear?

As a king you will drive around Kyiv.

Which king?

Andrew the First. Lord of Kyiv.

Wait, wait... That's it.

Come on like this.

Fine.

Hold on, hold on

Don't breathe out, beaver, don't breathe out. Keep in yourself.

Meeting with employees of the public sector.

Future next to me health minister.

Honored Pulmonologist of Ukraine,

who at the cost of his own health saves our lives,

companies of the future president. Each doctor - on the "Cube".

- Yes, what "Cube"? - German.

Ich liebe dich! Choose me!

You need a shrink!

Wait a minute...

Half a million views in three seconds!

Pollama!

Rzhu - I can not, I will vote for him.

Unique moron.

You don't need to read this.

You better think How can I get my manhood back?

Yes, I understand, I understand everything ...

Come on, come on...

You need...

...do something.

It has to be written down somewhere.

Fucking advice!

What didn't I do, doc?

And spent the night in a bath with oysters. Are you cutting?

Duremar with leeches!

And naked asshole poked into the anthill.

So the brand almost died.

And, you hear, even the current through the tomatoes ...

And he shoved the trunk into the hive.

- You can screw up! - And it was.

Hear, doctor, just give me back my power.

And I'll put the "Cube" under your porch.

Sveta!

For love!

Oh-yo-yo!

Sisya, you drown the water like holy water.

Where did you warm the bunk? Do you hear?

62nd Pechersk gymnasium.

8 years - from call to call.

- Oh you! - I'm an English teacher.

(untranslatable speech)

New category of electorate.

Your health.

Heavy... Really difficult fate of Ukrainian teachers.

I say this because I know

because he himself served seven and a half years behind the desk.

'Cause I swear, as president shorten the term

schooling from 12 to 5 years of age.

Fuck the desk. Choose me!

Do you hear?

For your first love.

Who you talking about?

Probably about Ilona.

You know, Andryushenka, how it hurts,

when they tell you in the morning about love until the last day,

and in the evening they talk about the same love some leggy whore?

It's definitely about Ilona.

Well done!

Now you know how much it hurts.

Well, does it hurt?

No.

Hurt!

I knew it.

And then it hurts.

Such a woman can beat me with her tongue like ...

like a bruise in the village on a scooter, and to me ...

I used to have such a fish without oil all night like this...

Like this!

And now...

Well, did it work out?

God, you're all wet.

So you can get sick.

Come on, I've got some dry clothes.

So that a blanket on a stick

stood like a tent all night.

What?

(laughter)

You're a genius, doc!

We need to recreate the situation when I stopped being a male.

What?

That time when I have... See?

And why did you go into big politics?

You have plenty of money.

Uncle, uncle, uncle...

You see, I love people...

... turn on the bolt.

President with the people they are like a bolt and nut.

The bolt is standing, and the nut is spinning, spinning.

She doesn't like something, she doesn't go,

and a bolt on the drum.

Because he is a bolt.

Because he is the president.

Here's what I'll tell you:

nut, she creaks, rips, groans,

and the bolt is worth it.

But we have already torn off more than one bolt.

(laughter)

This is what folk wisdom is.

Live and thank God! I went.

What about children?

So so so! I am from you I don't want any children.

And I want children from you.

Pay me then moral compensation.

Oral compensation!

Stand!

Woman, don't grab me for the sacred

otherwise you know what I'll do to you?

Do you hear, doc, what is it?

You drink like a father on Easter

your shirt is tattered like a pirate flag,

and women love you.

Could it be the size?

In what size? Bab?

No, in terms of salary.

Bolt size, of course.

Women only say that they don't care size, but they themselves want ...

- What are you doing? - ... to the very shoulders.

- Come on, show me! - I won't show you anything.

- I won't! - Show me the bolt!

Show me!

Hear, doc, wait, wait, wait...

Do you want me to show you mine?

- You don't have to show me! - I'll show you.

I have no pity for the people.

E! Open up, you bastard!

Just don't cheat. Show me your...

- I don't cheat. - Don't pull!

Don't pull. Well, how do I put a notch?

You put a notch on yourself, I don't need it.

Yes, these notches are up to my ass.

I have a reserve, look - the presidential one.

Therefore, it does not work that the presidential one.

And I have folk.

Plows from morning to night, from night to morning.

But it was painful, Andryusha.

It was a low blow.

I'm sorry, gentlemen.

And what kind of brutality is this?

All women tell me so.

They said...

And who are you? Good evening.

Let me introduce myself. Edward.

Andrey.

What are you doing at my house? I'm sorry?

And he came to blow your Iruska.

And you?

And me too.

Param-pam-pam!

Crap...

It turns out that I don’t blow it to her alone.

Yes.

Eddie, tell me.

I blow, but somehow our Irochka ...

Ira, tell me

Well, why are you so unlucky?

And I'm interested to know

what are the respected gentlemen do they do it in the kitchen like this?

And we have a corporate party here.

Board games.

Charades, contests.

Competitions, magic tricks.

Chpokusy is... it's good.

I loved it this tattoo is on your buttocks.

Oh, are you talking about Mickey Mouse on the ass?

Hello Walt Disney.

Very sophisticated.

And this...

And this is a birthmark I think I've seen it somewhere.

Can I take a closer look?

No-no-no-no! Come on?

Where?

I'm sorry, but you accidentally not from Krizhopol come from?

For example, from Kryzhopol.

Let's say yes.

Is your mother's name Tamara by any chance?

Let's say Tamara.

Let's say yes.

And dad left you when were you six months old?

Wait a second, how do you know that I am from Kryzhopol,

that mother's name is Tamara, and my father left us at six months?

Son!

Dad...

Bollywood!

Andryusha, hold on.

Dad!

Father!

- What are you doing? - Shoot.

I need to take everything off.

Will you help?

Yes, sure.

You have such tender hands

And you have such soft skin.

I care, but what's the point?

This goat never told you do you have a beautiful figure?

I already forgot when he touched me last time.

You... you're so tender.

And you have such beautiful lips.

Shoot.

Take it off, Spielberg.

Let's split the Oscar.

- For what? - For what?

I promise from all abandoned children

from all the destitute orphans of Ukraine,

to such goat fathers - forced sterilization. Castration...

Hanging by the balls live.

You have no right!

But I have a rolling pin and I will try it for you.

Don't touch the rock. We still have to shake the dough!

I thought you were my son. I believed you.

And some Kryzhopolka ... Kryzhovka ...

Kryzha believed you too?

And you took the child and took it to the orphanage.

But my mother's name was not Tamara, but Lyudmila.

Boarding school behind the prosthetic factory the city of Zhytomyr.

Registration - a file on the ribs.

For every run to you, daddy,

for buckwheat for three days.

You won't get away with it. I have lawyers.

Fuck lawyers dead?

From the future president for all abandoned children:

goat fathers - revenge.

Choose me!

Well, how?

That's what you arranged a corporate party.

Better than what I have at work.

Let's get a scalpel.

Divide the bastard.

I am a pulmonologist.

Become a pathologist.

Let's.

Pump the corpse, doc.

Ilosya!

God, what a thrill.

It was wonderful.

You know, Ilonka,

you're right, men - unlimited ATMs,

and love must be sought among one's own.

Fucking ostrich!

Left it for ten minutes and they are already rubbing pies.

Edik!

What to do?

Ira!

Ira!

Andrey! Andryusha!

Andryusha!

Andrey!

(bolt)

- Andrey! Andryusha! - Ira!

Edik is sick.

The second time that evening a man dies.

Wait, nobody's leaving.

Let's start the live broadcast.

I'm next to two lost women

from the main ring road.

as your future president,

solemnly promise legalize prostitution.

Every whore - official salary,

pension and an unlimited taxi pass.

Open houses of debauchery in every Khrushchev.

Every Ukrainian - a whore.

Choose me!

Well, girls?

What are you wearing, moron?

Whore? What did you call me?

What are you, in general?

Get out of here, Fakov!

I lived with you only for money.

Can you be normal man live free?

- Resuscitation! - Yeah.

- Come on, come on. - Let's.

- Are you ready? - Yes.

Your head is like an elephant egg.

Agree.

Yes, you should be shown at the zoo.

I feel sorry for the animals, but not for you. Creature!

Get up, Edik.

Yes, what did you call me?

Hear you, moron, she lives and dreams,

so that in your eyes turned out to be her Louboutins.

I hate everything.

- How do you snore. - Yeah.

- I hate the way you fart. - Jerk!

900!

- Your bald head! - Finished.

I hate your nose hair your stupid beard.

Keep going girls, keep going.

How they stink! God, how they stink!

- Let's. - Let's.

Let's go to a million. Let's!

Come on, come on!

Yes, what would you die!

Million!

Died.

Yo mine!

Just like our love with you.

Our love is with you, Andryusha,

was beautiful

not old and bald.

Million!

What?

And I have it again.

And I have again, my favorite girls, a boner!

I am the future president.

- I meant everyone. - Costs!

Stand up! Stand up!

Maybe we should try again?

I'll fuck everyone.

I am the future president.

No... Only you won't be president.

Do you doubt that I will win the election?

Look! More than a million views per evening.

I broke Trump.

Like Tuzik heating pad.

Well done Igor! Igor is beautiful!

It's me ... I persuaded it your friend Valerka,

so that he noodles on your ears hung about the presidency.

This was the first point of my scheme.

Wait, what scheme?

Like what?

What do you think, I'm just in these bad dressed role-playing games suit you?

What do you think, I'm that guru just hired?

Yes, I'm with Sveta on purpose confused for you

to turn you on.

And voila! Look, you've got it!

(scream)

This is a complete finish.

The women haven't thrown me yet.

Wait, what about the sauna with the head of the Central Executive Committee?

Igoryochek, calm down. There will be no sauna.

There will be no CEC.

There will be no press conference.

Nothing will happen. It's all just my fantasy

to increase your potency.

Kitty! Kitty, are you... are you really dead?

No no no! Just not now.

Just not now.

Kitty...

What are you... what are you doing?

Kitty!

Kitty!

Idiots!

Wait wait.

And you too.

Where are my apartments? Both of you promised me apartments. Where are they?

Irusya!

Well, the swinger party has gathered to distribute gifts.

So, and the first dock in our rating.

Which three such women want, three such heifers.

Here we have the first, the second...

And there's a third one.

And it, luchkolupina hand-assed,

cannot nail a shelf in the corridor.

Regular shelf.

And you, Lipetsk factory "Roshen",

don't know who to go to instead of just once

take off your pantaloons

and surrender to your man.

Hey, you, uncle, aunt because of you already surrogate wanted to give birth.

Have you played swingers? All?

I unite and bless you, newlyweds.

The man turned on! Well done!

Look who's here!

Titted.

Do you hear, titty,

and you teach the wrong subject at school.

You should have organized

school of geisha smokers.

The slogan came up: throw the boobs from balcony to balcony.

Such a standard.

Silicon Valley in flight.

Cool joke! Cool!

And you, Ilosia,

I will kill.

No, don't.

I'll kill you baby, I'll kill you.

I thought that there was a person, and there was a hole.

huge anus,

in which my bucks disappear.

Anus!

And what are you looking for?

What's happened?

Like watching others have fun, right?

Don't have your own life?

Likes, comments, vids...

Program "Look at your life".

Did you believe that I would be president?

Seriously, do you believe?

Waiting for something to come and solve all your problems for you?

Everyone is ready to believe if only it gave you mansions and grandmothers.

And the more schmuck, the more you believe him.

And the more promises, the more you give him...

The dislikes are gone.

What do you really not like?

Instead of ourselves at least do something.

Clean up after yourself.

Clean up after your dog.

You are in the head...

(the phone rings)

I remembered about the shit, here it is.

- Yes, yes, brother. - I'm on Ilonka.

Your girlfriend is nearby. Still alive.

But the grave has already been dug.

Igor, sorry, well, your Ilonka asked

Well, I thought it would be funny, cool.

Certainly! Such jokes! Such jokes!

The whole Internet is laughing at the bald man, right?

Yes, baby, do you like it? Do you like it too, Valera?

Well, yes, we are just now at Valeryanych,

watching your vids.

It's fire, bro! Fire!

We are shocked, really shocked, that people are so attracted to you.

In short, now without jokes.

With so much social media hype you really go to the presidency.

Get ready, candidate.

Everything has changed.

I'll give you money, I'll drive the Cube.

And you... I wanted to kill you.

No no no...

Completely forgot.

No.

But now I'll fuck you like this

so blow...

You're such a brute, you've beaten me.

I will make you first lady.

I will make you queen.

Let's start the pre-election fuck!

What are you up to, zombie?

Look, a girl disappears next to you.

On the! Blow her so that she has it hollow that owls in the Carpathians will envy.

He is a gay.

Who are gay?

He. And another 7% of our country.

7% of the country ... We have such an unaccounted for.

You are my Queen...

(wild scream)

Crap! Crap! Crap!

Fuck it all!

Get out of my house!

Yes, with pleasure.

Give me the blanket.

Send clothes by mail.

So...

Hammer.

Andryusha, all these things are mine.

You threw away my things.

Crap!

We'll buy new ones.

Irus...

Did you really want to give birth? child to this bald man?

No.

No.

I... I just wanted a new life.

I just wanted a child.

I wouldn't give it up for anything.

So I wanted a child.

I wanted a normal life normal family.

Andrey, we are so stupid done with you.

Especially you. You! Especially you!

Irus... Irusenka...

I want many children.

Our children.

again tomorrow?

No tomorrow.

Now!

Now!

(bolt)

(laughter)

Guru, you need to open up the chakra.

Do you want your idiot to slap me?

Doesn't rumble.

This idiot is busy with his choices.

Meet! The Ultimate Lady X!

(applause)

(sings)

She went around everyone, raised everyone.

Well, daddy, can I congratulate you?

Did you find your surrogate mother?

You went to the bathhouse with your advice!

I don't want any more of those women

not their kids!

Been a father for two minutes so almost the liver was not beaten off.

(sings)

as your future president, I solemnly promise

that I will stop at nothing on the way to Europe.

Gay parades every week.

Every guy is a man.

Every gay couple has a child.

Monroe! Monroe for prime minister.

Choose me!

(applause)