Original subtitles

Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Oh fuck.

Oh fuck.

Oh fuck, oh fuck.

Fuck.

I'm a slave to this vagina.

Join the fucking club.

I think all this gum chewing's giving me TMJ.

Please.

My jaw's still sore from all the dick I sucked in Laguna last weekend.

You know, I kind of thought this job was gonna be a little bit more

intellectually stimulating.

Oh, you're serious?

I probably, like, seriously need the money, so I guess beggars can't be

choosers. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You don't have a trust fund?

Huh? What are you, an orphan?

Oh, shit. Victory.

12 o'clock.

Elliot!

Erica would like to see you in her office.

Me? Well, you know I hate criticism, especially when it's accurate.

Art these days is all about more noise, more commotion. Otherwise, you might as

well be zombie-scrolling TikTok.

It's so my cock's bigger than yours, and it's so fucking boring, and I'm bored.

I'm bored. Bye.

Oh, sorry about that. Oh, no problem.

Elliot.

Yes? How long have you been working for me now?

A little over a week, I think.

That long already?

And how are you liking it here?

I love it. I see you've signed your NDA.

Hmm?

In your application packet.

Yep.

Well, we all think you're doing an excellent job here. Oh, great.

But... There is... There is

something I need to speak with you about.

I wouldn't want you to take this the wrong way, but the way you've been

looking at me has been making me feel uncomfortable.

What?

Don't pretend you haven't been flirting with me, Elliot, and... It is entirely

inappropriate in the workplace.

Oh, my God.

I am so sorry.

I, um... I don't even know what I've been doing exactly, but I promise,

whatever it is, I will stop immediately.

As long as we're really on the same page about that. I would love to be on the

same page, yes.

Oh, gosh.

Life is so fucking short, don't you think?

Do you have a girlfriend?

What? I'm sorry.

I... Um... Aren't you not supposed to ask questions like that?

I'm not.

Have I offended you?

No. No.

I just... do... have a girlfriend.

Good. That helps.

You wouldn't get weird then.

Weird? If we fucked.

So your relationship with your former employer was initiated by her, and you

say it was primarily sexual in nature?

Oh. What's that?

Yes.

Am I a suspect here?

Depends.

Elliot, look, I realize it's been a long night, but we really need you to tell us

the whole story.

Okay, yeah, I know, I know.

It started a couple months ago when I was fresh out of school.

I was broke and in desperate need of a job.

Sex and sexuality are central to my work because as an artist, I'm seeking pure

truth. You know, what lurks beneath the facades people hide behind.

What are you watching?

It's for my interview this afternoon.

What interview?

With her, Erica Tracy.

interviewing to be her assistant at her studio.

You think her boobs are real?

When you fuck someone, even a one-night stand, you're physically and emotionally

naked. There's no bullshit, no presentation.

That person knows you better than your mother or your best friend ever will.

She's so good with words, right?

She looks kind of evil.

I know.

Apparently the rumor is that she, like... fucked Vincent Gallo at the

Brown Bunny premiere in New York when she was 18.

Is it embarrassing? No, I think that's cool.

Even if you cared, that's embarrassing.

Everyone has a persona they put on in public, but during sex, your most

intimate, primal self is revealed.

That's what turns me on creatively.

Okay, remind me what the difference is between this and porn.

You know, lighting, context.

Right.

So does this mean that you're gonna pay your share of the rent for a change?

Uh, I mean, I have to get the job first, but I hope so.

Yeah, me too. I'm tired of supporting your lazy ass.

Did you eat my fucking yogurt again? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll get you more, I

promise. Activia.

The green kind.

I know.

You got this, man.

Hi, I'm here for my 3.30 interview.

Elliot?

Should I give this to you?

Should

I?

Unless you'd rather stand for the entire interview. No.

No. Oh, sorry.

Here you go.

So, tell me a little bit about yourself.

Well, I'm... My name's Elliot.

I graduated from UCLA with a BFA in New Media. That is all

stuff in that resume, though.

Why do you want to work here?

Oh, well, I love your work.

My early stuff or my recent work?

Honestly, both.

Contemporary art is a scam. You know that, right?

Uh-huh.

The real art is convincing people you're making something meaningful and complex

when it's really just arbitrary masturbation.

I'm currently working on a photographic series of nude men putting on makeup.

You should...

You should pose for me.

Oh, that's so flattering. No, no, no, no, I couldn't. No, it's not really my

thing. Are you ashamed of your body?

Oh, no, I wouldn't say that. You look bad without clothes on. No, I look fine

without clothes on. I don't know about that either. Is your dick a little...

No, it's just not my thing. I'm fine. No, I just, I don't know why. It's fine

if it is. No, my, it's not my thing. No, my dick. Oh, sorry. Sorry, I don't mean

to say dick. Oh, my God.

Calm down. I am fucking with you.

Wow. I would never say anything that inappropriate.

Okay, okay.

The door has been open the entire time, if you haven't noticed, as per the woke

police, so feel free to run away anytime.

No.

Good.

You can never be too careful.

It's a good thing you have a sense of humor, though, because otherwise this is

definitely not... a place for you.

Yeah, so I'm getting that, yeah.

Okay, you're hired.

Really? Yeah. Holy, wow.

Yeah, this was just a formality.

Oh, my God. But you just, you need to just loosen up. You're very tightly

wound and a little bit loud.

Yeah, no problem. I can 100% do that.

All right.

Bye-bye. Okay.

Um, hi.

Thanks.

Thank you, honestly.

So Erica began grooming you the day that you met her.

Grooming's kind of a loaded word. I mean, our relationship was 100%

consensual, and, I mean, the attraction was definitely mutual. Plus, she was

only 14 1⁄2 years older than I was.

Erica was your employer, though.

Yes, yeah, but in a weird way, that dynamic is kind of what...

What made it so hot? I mean, it was, you know, it was forbidden. It was against

society's rules.

So are you saying you didn't find it suspicious that out of all the qualified

applicants, Erica hired you for the position right on the spot?

How awesome is that? My first post-college job.

Awesome. You're a pretentious artist, peon.

Well, Erica's actually not pretentious at all. She's really cool and...

Where are you studying?

My neuropharmacology exam is this Friday.

What?

I thought maybe we could have some celebration sex.

We just had sex 11 days ago.

Unlike some people, I've got actual work to do, and I can't accomplish anything

with you constantly draining my chi energy.

Come on, Doctor, please.

You're a sex- Sex addiction's a myth.

I read it on the Internet.

Oh, Elliot, I want you so bad.

Please fuck my brains out with your legendary rock hard.

You know, because of you, I've been masturbating a lot more than usual, and

I think I'm getting claw hands. Is that the medical term?

Uh, yeah. I Googled it.

Well, luckily, that's why God invented porn, so women like me can make the

world go round while you men jerk off.

You precocious geniuses all know how to chew gum, yes?

Fantastic. You're going to chew each piece until it is soft and juicy, and

you are going to stick it on this canvas in the clearly demarcated areas. No

matter what, do not go outside of the lines.

Got it?

What are you waiting for? Start chewing.

Insufferable cunt.

Welcome to the Hipster Sweatshop.

I'm Zap.

Zach? Zap.

Like a ray gun.

Oh, yeah. Uh, Elliot.

Sorry. It's just my first day. I'm a little nervous.

What for?

We were just mindless cows chewing cud in a pasture.

So, uh, you're an artist too?

I do a pornographic blog about a semi-fictional G-chat conversation I'm

having with a priest that I have never met that lives in Mexico City.

You? Uh... I'm contemplating starting a podcast.

Hmm. Yeah.

I have a very, like, active imagination.

You know?

You think Erica's hot?

Oh, I guess.

Do you?

She's a fucking goddess.

But she has a real vag, which is, in fact, where I draw the line.

But I do know someone who has had sex with someone who was in an orgy with her

once. Really? An orgy? Uh-huh.

Whoa.

You've never been in one, huh?

Not having a view.

This morning.

Wow. So you're, uh... Pan, then?

Or... No,

Elliot, I am fucking gay.

This is no-label, amorphous bullshit for me.

You? Well, I have a girlfriend, but I definitely, you know, feel identified

with the queer community. You ever suck a dick?

No, I haven't. Well, look at that. You're straight.

Oh, is that what it is?

Oh, my God. Sorry.

The gum hit the back of my... Are you okay?

Great. Do you have a car?

Yep. I need you to follow me home. There's something I need you to move for

me. Put your number in here, and I'll text you the address.

Are you coming, or... Hello, Elliot. Sorry.

Yes, no, I can, yeah.

Just be careful. I paid a small fortune for that thing. Just...

Give me something more.

All right.

Just on the ground over there.

I could have done it myself, but I don't do manual labor, so...

Hmm.

What do you think?

Oh, I like it.

Why? It's very succinct.

Succinct?

I paid $20,000 for it. That's the best thing you've ever said. I will think.

Well, why'd you buy it anyway?

Yesterday you said contemporary art is a scam?

All right, I just... Say bullshit sometimes to see if anyone's listening.

I'm going to have a spin drift. Do you want one?

Yes, spin drift sounds great. Thanks.

My issue with art today is that people care more about the celebrity status of

the artist than the work itself. So then the actual art becomes just a trace

element of the trajectory of fame.

Why'd you become an artist anyway?

How much time do you have?

You're the one paying me.

Not much though, right?

No. Okay, good.

Sit.

No, thanks. Oh just have one boys your age looks so hot with a cigarette. You

should have fun. Trust me

I'm

sorry

He's as much a part of this sexual revolution as the pill or Playboy.

I found that stashed in my mother's nightstand when I was a kid, and it

literally changed my life.

Really? Yeah.

He introduced me to unbridled, Helmut Newton-style hedonism.

Inspired me to become a good, sexually liberated citizen.

Unlike your uptight generation, by the way. What do you mean?

I read an article the other day.

that said 30% of guys your age haven't had intercourse in a year. They'd rather

watch porn or play fucking video games.

It's complicated.

Complicated? Gen Z is all about FOMO and yet you're willing to miss out on the

sexual prime of your life?

I think my peers have not been well served.

Growing up in a time where nothing feels safe or okay.

And since our formative years were spent... lacking in-person

socialization. It's challenging for some to make eye contact, let alone have sex.

But what is with this bummer veil cast over everything fun or exciting? Not to

mention the dickbags on TikTok who are like, don't hold hands in front of me. I

didn't consent to that.

Well, a lot of zillennials had parents and teachers who would completely remove

them from anything that made them feel uncomfortable, so...

Being outside your comfort zone is the whole fucking point.

How else do you learn from your mistakes and grow?

Sure, people should make informed decisions and not get AIDS or pregnant

or whatever, but sex is everything.

It forges us as human beings. I would not be the person I am today without my

carnal experiences.

Good, bad, men, women, other.

Your time is now, kids. Get it while you can.

Sorry, I'm rambling.

Nope. It's just this retro sex negativity gets me so fucking worked up.

No, I, uh... I totally get it.

Oh, fuck. I have a Zoom thing in five minutes. Oh, uh... You can find your way

back to the studio, right? Oh, yeah, of course.

Thank you. Oh, borrow it.

Really? Yeah, take it.

Okay, cool.

Your entire generation is a bunch of whiny, repressed weaklings.

You're all dying to fuck, but you're too chickenshit to admit it.

Aren't you?

Aren't you?

Aren't you?

Aren't you?

Yes. Aren't you?

Aren't you?

Aren't you?

Aren't you?

aren't you aren't you

After Erica loaned you the book, then what happened?

Well, she kind of just... left me hanging.

How so?

She was giving me the silent treatment all week.

I mean, so much so that I thought any spark we had was just my imagination.

What a colossal cock tease. I know, right? I mean, it is probably for the

best. I do have a girlfriend, but... Oh!

Oh, that's right. Yeah.

Like... Does she even like you?

I mean, I don't know. She kind of... She usually shits most of the time, but... I

don't know. You know, Minerva and I, on paper, it doesn't really make sense.

She's in medical school. She's super ambitious. She's focused.

And now I'm just... Utterly lost and adrift?

I was gonna say figuring my shit out, but... Potato, potato.

Yeah.

Also... She doesn't really like sex.

Can I ask you a question?

No, I won't fuck you to see if you like it. In a relationship, you know, don't

you think about other people sexually?

I am gay.

We basically invented non-monogamy.

And anal.

I am a slave to this vagina.

If we fucked.

If you're not interested, that's actually, that's fine. I don't really

care. It's probably a bad idea anyway.

I'm not sure I heard you right.

So you are interested then?

You wouldn't freak out and make working together impossible?

No, I wouldn't freak out.

Would you freak out?

No.

Not at all.

Okay.

Why don't you close that door for me?

That's better.

Come over here so I can take a better look at you.

Oh, don't walk.

I'd really prefer if you crawled.

Crawl on us.

No! Yes, you do!

Why does all the cool sex deviant stuff always happen to you?

What are you talking about?

I don't know. Doesn't Minerva get, like, super kinky sometimes?

That would be never.

She should probably just kill herself.

I've always said that about her.

I mean, like, listen, like, me and Minerva have our differences, yes, but

she's a good presence in my life. I don't know, she grounds me.

Plus, she's fucking hot, dude.

She's, like, what AI would generate if you told it, total bitch.

Right.

Just my type.

I don't even know what my type is anymore.

It's like, lately, I'm just, like, weirded out by the whole penis thing,

you know?

Like, is it just me or just having sex?

Fucking somebody, it kind of just feels like you're inserting a tampon, like,

over and over and over again.

I wouldn't know. But I would venture to say it's probably just you.

If only, like, there was a way to have sex... Uh-huh.

...without the whole penis thing involved, you know?

Anyway.

Why are you hooking up with Erica again?

I don't know, dude. Like, do I really want to be Monica Lewinsky, my boss?

E. She's famous.

You can be famous by association, like Travis Kelsey.

Yeah, yeah.

God, stop pretending like you have a conscience.

You louder?

I'm a whore.

I can't hear you. I'm a whore.

I'm a whore.

Oh my god.

Oh, I'm not really into that. It's okay. It doesn't mean you're gay.

Have you ever tried it?

I'm using a ton of lube.

And you can use your safe word if you get into trouble.

Uh, we don't have a safe word. Whatever.

You're gonna love it. It's gonna change your life.

Don't you trust me?

Yeah.

Ready? Just breathe.

Relax. I'm gonna go really, really slow.

That's good.

Just breathe.

Breathe, dude. Just relax.

Good.

I was

in way over my head.

And it was like the more I would hang out with Erica, the more under her

control I became.

How did that make you feel?

Thankful.

Thankful?

You said that your relationship had a violent undercurrent, that Erica

physically abused and humiliated you.

Listen, I understand as an outsider, it might seem like our relationship was a

bit, I don't know, kinky or strange, but...

I mean, these were my wildest fantasies coming to life.

Hey!

Oh, God.

Is that how you always greet people?

What?

Smiling all huge and artificial like some sort of cyborg cheerleader.

Want one of these?

What is it?

It's fucking dried fruit. I don't know. Not papaya, one of the other gay ones.

I'm okay, thank you.

What are you doing?

Well, I'm just drafting your press release for the show next week.

Erica, I left that cost report on your desk.

Okay. We have the meeting with the accountant at 2.30.

Great.

Go on.

Right.

Tracy's work is uncommonly visceral, riffing on themes of bodily and sexual

excess. Her singular ability to blend the profane with the deeply poetic has

made her one of the most essential neopop artists of her generation.

You make me sound like I know what I'm doing.

What are you talking about?

You're brilliant.

Cancel my phone or that d-bag from art form and, um, meet me in my office,

okay?

Oh hey Victor.

Don't think you're the only one.

What? You're not the first.

You won't be the last.

Hey.

I was masturbating before work and got so inspired, so I recorded it to play on

a loop as a soundtrack for a video installation.

Oh. Okay.

Cool. It's abstract, babes. God, sometimes you're such a philistine.

What's wrong?

Come. Just sit down.

It's nothing.

Are you sure?

Can I tell you something embarrassing?

Mm-hmm. Of course.

I think about you all the time.

You know, like, from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep, it's like I

can't change the channel.

Well, you're my sub, so that's perfectly normal.

Aww.

You look so adorable when you're nervous.

Really?

You know, earlier...

When you were reading me that thing you wrote about me, I felt like maybe I was

falling in love with you.

Are you serious?

No, I just said that to fuck with you.

Do you ever think about me?

I think we have incredible chemistry.

No, I mean, do you think about our relationship?

Like, am I more than just a piece of ass to you?

Well, I did tell you that I don't want... A relationship.

Plus, you have a girlfriend.

I know. I'm thinking about breaking up with her. What? No. Why?

Because I really just want to be with you.

Listen.

Can I let you in on a secret?

People are assholes.

Okay? They're out there pretending to give a shit. Nobody gives a shit. People

only care about themselves.

So if you find someone that you care about who cares about you back, that's

special. That's something you should think twice about before you throw away.

If what me and Minerva have is so special, then why am I cheating on her?

Oh, because you're like me. You're a sexual astronaut just exploring the

outer limits of experience.

And fucking people gives you a sense of identity and control.

How do you know all of this?

Because I've been in therapy since I was six.

You almost done?

Getting there.

You're supposed to say thank you when I hit you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Are you getting close?

You just come. I don't think I'm going to be able to right now.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

No, just try. I want you to come together.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Oh, my God.

Are you getting there?

Yeah.

You're so hot. You make me want to do crazy things.

Oh, God.

This is good, right? Oh, my God. So good. Yes.

I made your breakfast. I'm fed, baby.

I want to make you breakfast every day for the rest of my life. Really?

Yeah.

Have you ever thought about having kids?

Yeah. Hello?

Why are you answering? I've called you three times.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you. I'm running.

From who?

Listen, I have an old friend from Paris in town, and I'm busy working.

Okay.

I forgot her birthday last week, so I need you to go over there and fuck her

as a belated present.

What? Are you serious?

As Wolf Blitzer.

She's at the London, expecting you at nine.

Tonight? I'm not home, Erica, and also I'm really sweaty. I just... Don't be

late. And screw her real good, but don't let her penetrate you. She's not that

close a friend.

Oh, her name's Yvette.

All right.

Erica. Erica!

Is this trying too hard?

You look like an assassin in a Netflix Yakuza movie.

Is that good or bad?

What if I just wear a T-shirt? I'm basically just saying, like, hey, I'm

casually wearing a T-shirt.

You know, you should really stop running.

Haven't you ever heard of jogger face?

No, what's that?

It's like... when you run and you're like constantly bouncing up and down and

up and down and it pulls all the skin on your face like away from your muscles so

you end up just having like disgusting like saggy flesh hanging off your skull

and it's like yogurt so you should stop running wear a jockstrap on your face

but why is it that no random european stranger

ever flies it down to me

My life is so beige.

Hi, I'm... Elliot?

That's right, Elliot, yes.

Yvette.

I'm so glad you could make it.

Come in.

Would you like some wine?

Uh, yeah.

Sure, wine would be great.

It's a white burgundy.

2016 Chateau de Beauregard.

Oh. This is okay for you?

Yeah, I'm used to drinking two-buck Chuck from TJ, so yes.

Sorry, my English.

This is great.

Well, this is a bit awkward.

Yeah, I kind of feel like we're in a porno or something.

What?

You know, you're the sexy executive here on a business trip, and I'm just

the naive bellhop.

I don't know.

Anyway, Erica thought we should meet.

She's always surrounded herself with such interesting people.

A creator of personalities, I like to say.

And what do you do for her, Elliot?

What can I do for you?

What are you doing?

Whenever you want. I'm your boy whore for the evening.

Oh, really?

Uh-huh.

Do you want to slap me?

You can slap me if you want.

Do you know what eroticism is?

It's, uh, being turned on.

No.

Really?

Americans treat sex like it's an animal act, stripped of

sensuality, of mystery.

Crawling on your hands and knees, reciting this cheap, pornographic

script. This is not erotic.

This is performance.

Get up off the floor.

Sex is not something you do.

It's not?

No. It's a language.

It's a dance.

Do you mind?

Very good wine.

To slow down.

Be in your body.

Be in my body.

Maybe you should just go.

What?

I'm not going to fuck you.

You're not?

Never in a million years.

Did she really say sex is a dance?

This is why I fucking hate Europe.

I'm sorry. Dad, fuck it up. No, babe, no. It is not your fault that she's such

a fucking prude.

If she contacts you again, no more. She's lost her privileges.

I really don't think we'll have to worry about that, but okay.

Would you mind if we do this with, like, another one of your friends? I don't

know. I kind of like being your toy that you pass around in a chair, I guess.

Yeah, we'll see.

Not for a while, though.

Why not?

Because I said so.

All right, I got to get back to work.

Do you want to have dinner tonight?

Dinner? Like a real date?

Yeah, baby, like a real date.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

How's your girlfriend, Minnie?

Oh, Minerva? That's right.

She's all right, I guess.

Yes, it's just she's been super busy and stressed recently Also, we just go

through life, you know differently she's way more wrapped up in science and I

think just Thinks arts superficial Wow.

Yeah a dullard.

Yeah. Yeah Maybe you should remind her that art cuts through the bullshit of

every single day It connects us to the core emotions that actually make us

human

Ecstasy, fear, desire.

Artists see things other people don't.

Have you always been this way, or...? A pretentious whore from hell? Yeah,

pretty much.

You sob for your girlfriend, too?

Mentally and emotionally, yes. But I, no, not in the bedroom. Like, yeah, sex

is kind of a minefield for me.

In what way?

Well...

Right after I was born, my dad left, and so I was pretty much just raised by my

mom. By the way, I'm so sorry.

Let me know if I'm boring you. No, not at all. Okay.

All my life, I've kind of been this curious kid, like, living in my own

world, but also plagued by fear and the desire for normalcy.

But with you, you know, I actually don't have to make any decisions. I've found

this amazing freedom in just letting go of control.

I know.

You're welcome.

Where's your ticket?

Oh, I didn't valet. I just parked in the street. What?

Dude, even when I was poor, I valeted everywhere, all the time. Okay. Fake it

till you make it. Okay, okay, point taken.

Can you hold this for a second?

I have to go back to the salt mines.

Oh, you don't want me to come over?

The opening's next week, so...

As much as I would love to come for the next three hours.

She gets what I mean.

I can't. I gotta work.

You don't really give a shit what people think about you, do you?

Why would I? Most people are idiots and cowards, so... Yeah, you know, I just

wish that I could stop caring so much about other people's opinions.

But that's your thing. You're the guy who loves that spiked heel just grinding

into his back.

That's my thing? Yeah.

It's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me, so... Aw.

you know that's what i'm here for good night baby

bye erica played me like a violin she knew just how far she

could push me and have me doing things i never even dreamed of i mean we were

outlaws just the two of us against the oppressive puritanical world sounds like

you were obsessed with her

Sorry about canceling tonight. We're kind of slammed.

Getting ready for the show next week.

Oh, were we supposed to do something?

I was studying.

For a change, right?

Um,

is it okay if I stop by?

I'm kind of in your neighborhood.

I told you, I'm studying.

Yeah, I just sort of wanted to talk to you about something.

Yeah, I just thought, um... Alright, um...

I was wondering, have you ever... Have I ever

what?

Are you drunk or something?

I had a little bit of wine earlier, but I'm not drunk.

No, I just... Have you ever thought about us?

Taking a break?

Yeah, all the time.

Really? I mean, if that's what you want, it makes sense with me being so busy and

all.

So, uh, last night, I talked to Minerva about us taking a break.

You know, she seemed pretty okay with it. So she dumped you, you mean? No,

that's not... Did you just hear what I said, or... What do you

think's going on?

I heard Victor is freaking out about the show because the studio is on life

support and Erica has been slacking off.

Rumor has it that she's been too busy banging one of the assistants.

So, what do we want to do for lunch?

Anywhere is fine, except I am not doing meat, soy, dairy, gluten, or sugar this

week. Or corn.

You're a blast at lunch. Elliot.

Erica would like to see you in her office.

Now.

Hi. Hey, come on in.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, Victor's just on the fucking rag again.

Listen, he and I were chatting, and we are in agreement that you and I should

probably cool it for a while.

What?

Why? There's...

The show's right around the corner. I need to focus. I just need to eliminate

any and all unnecessary distractions.

Okay.

For how long?

At least until the show is over.

Really?

I understand you have to concentrate on your work. I realize that this is the

priority, but we have us, right? It's special, right?

Sure, but it's strictly a sex thing. You understand that, right?

You say sex is everything, so... Yeah, well, sex is everything. It's also

nothing, Elliot.

I actually... I don't have time to discuss it right now.

So... Thank you.

I'm really gonna miss you I know

Hello, everybody.

I'm Elliot.

I'm 23.

And like a lot of people my age, I've had conflicted and confusing feelings

about sex.

Anyway, I met a girl recently who kind of rocked my

world, sexually, you know, speaking.

And she's changed me in ways that I probably can't even comprehend yet.

But sex is a drug, man. I mean, the highs are so intense.

They bring you to such a euphoric, out-of-body place. It's like you leave

reality and all your troubles behind.

Which makes the lows feel fucking bottomless.

Such black, hopeless despair that will make you do anything for another fix.

Nothing else matters.

It's like any other addiction, I guess.

You know, you have to learn how to control it, otherwise it just ends up

controlling you.

Hello?

Peter, you have to bring someone to hold your ass open for me.

What?

I said I want to have a threesome, but it has to happen quick.

Are you in or are you out?

No, I'm in.

Okay, meet me in my place at nine.

With a friend.

Who is hot.

What?

How long have we been best friends?

You're not paying rent again?

Wait, the air is not into me. Oh, no, dude, I already sent her a pic. The one.

What? Which one? This one.

No, I look like a garden gnome in this picture. No, you look so cute. Oh, my

God. What'd she say?

Uh, she... Like, she'll do.

I need to be way more drunk.

Me, too. Me, too. Me, too.

God.

Do you ever fake orgasms?

Well, I'm a dude.

So...

My hair looks like a giant tarantulas crawling out of my skull No

Maybe

I've never had a threesome before.

Have you?

In freshman year, I messed around with that lesbian couple, Mutt and Jeff, does

that count?

Ew, really?

No, well, I bowed out because they were both on their periods.

Why are you telling me this?

It's disgusting.

Okay, so just a full disclosure, okay? I haven't, I haven't had, like, sex in

a while.

It's a while.

I don't know, like...

Since Felix, so, like, probably a year or something.

A year?

Apple? I'm so sorry. No, why are you reacting like I just told you I had a

brain tumor?

Stop.

Hey.

Hi, guys. Come in.

Okay.

Can

I get you

anything?

No, I think we're okay, thanks.

You can have a seat, if you'd like.

I like your friend.

You're very hot. Oh, thank you. Thanks.

She's got nice tits, too.

Oh, yeah. Come on.

It's okay. It's okay.

May I?

Okay.

Beautiful.

Thank you.

So you're gay.

What?

No. No.

Oh. I got a clue.

Well, you're a very good kisser. Gentle.

Not like Elliot.

Elliot kisses with his mouth wide open like he's just trying to suck the whole

world out. No, I don't. Yeah, no, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. It's just

how you kiss.

Why don't you just show Apple? Why don't you demonstrate?

What? Yeah.

No.

Okay,

um, yeah.

I'm sorry.

Should we follow her?

Who?

Erica.

Uh, yeah. Right? Right? Yeah, me too. Yeah, of course.

Okay.

Wow.

You guys really took your time.

Okay, here's what's gonna happen. Elliot, take your clothes off. Apple,

get on the bed.

Huh? Turn around.

Oh, oh, oh, the ghosts are hurting me.

Quit fucking whining.

Okay.

You are going to sit here like a good little pervert and watch while I fuck

your friend.

This sucks. The cuffs are hurting my wrist.

I think Elliot wants to be untied.

He's fine.

I'm not fine. I'm so bored.

Oh, my God. Shut the fuck up. I told you to stop whining. Well, wouldn't it be

fun if you fucked me, too? No. Why?

Because you're a greedy little slut and you can't always get what you want.

You, come here.

Blindfold him.

Really?

Yes.

Apple.

This is all part of the game and Elliot loves this he thinks it's wonderful.

No, I don't

Erica, stop.

This isn't funny anymore.

You want to get fucked, you can get fucked.

Put this on.

Okay,

okay, come on.

Oh,

fuck, did you just bite my fucking lip?

Apple, just stop. I'm so sorry. This was such a fucking stupid, crazy fucking

idea.

Why? Are you grossed out by me or something?

What? No. What are you talking about?

You'll fuck anyone and everyone, but I'm not good enough for you.

No. Apple, where is this coming from? Who are you? I'm so... I just... Please,

just wait a second, okay? No. Here, listen. I'm sorry. Don't touch me.

Apple, I just, I didn't know it was gonna be, I'm so sorry. Don't go,

please. What's happening right now is very special.

You both are entering into what's known as subspace. You see, you, Apple, and I

just, we went through something very intense together, and you're having just

extreme emotional reactions. See, this is what S&M is all about.

Are you fucking crazy? Why are you doing this?

Because you like it, baby.

I don't like it. I don't even know if I like you.

Okay, whatever.

I mean, Apple.

Apple, just one second.

Who do you think you are? You can't just fucking toy with people's emotions for

your own sick game, you know?

Go ahead. Run away like a scared little boy.

You'll be back.

Actually, sir, can we make one more stop?

Did you ever love me?

What are you doing? I'm trying to talk to you.

But we're not together anymore.

I know, but we need to talk.

It's late and you're obviously wasted.

Seriously, Elliot, let's not do this right now.

It's never a good time for you.

Why were you such a shitty fucking girlfriend?

Excuse me? You never wanted to hang out or have sex with me, which is basically

the whole point of being in a relationship.

Well, you knew exactly what you signed up for. I told you from the very

beginning that until I finish my postdoc, my work comes first.

Don't you think because, you know, we're both so emotionally stunted and suck at

communicating that actually we're, I don't know, maybe perfect for each

other? What? Are you fucking kidding me right now?

Can I come in? No.

Please, please, just let me come in. I'm not gonna try to have sex with you,

right? Elliot, just... I'm not gonna try to fuck you. Elliot, go home!

Please. Babe?

What the fuck is going on?

I was totally circling the drain.

My two most important relationships, my girlfriend and my best friend, were

trash beyond repair.

And I really just had no one to blame but myself.

You didn't blame Erica, considering how she treated you?

Seems like you would be angry or resentful.

Sure, Erica led me down the path of my destruction, but at the end of the day,

everything I did was always my choice.

I mean, you want to know the sickest part? It's the fact that even though all

this had happened, I still wanted to be with her.

This is the kind of fucked up, intense state of mind I was in.

Hey, man, I really can't thank you enough. I mean, I swear to you, I'll be

out of here as soon as I can. I already asked my mom for a loan. Oh, that's

great, because you're already kind of cramping my style. You know, I have a

hookup coming over in about half an hour. Okay, so... Oh, okay.

Um...

Well, I can grab a cup of coffee or something. Honestly, I don't really care

what you do as long as you're not here.

How long do you think?

Give or take like 90 minutes. It's got to be a quickie because I have a real

date later tonight.

Okay. Yeah.

Is it too much to ask to take a shower before?

Let's just make it fast. Okay.

Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Yeah.

Also, can you use the gas towel?

It's the one that says Gaston.

Copy.

Things were looking very bleak.

It definitely seemed like I had hit rock bottom.

I just had no idea how much worse my life was going to be.

Oh, that woman over there looks like a foot.

I'm fucking starving.

I'm sorry, do you mind? Don't. Why?

Grabbing food off of a tray is disgusting.

I haven't eaten lunch.

I think you're gonna love it. You're one of the first people I thought of. Whoa,

oh my god, you look like Luisa Fox.

I'm such a huge fan. I work with Erica. I bet he's an assistant.

What you have to do is see Erica's newest work. It's everything. It's

dangerous. I don't know.

I'm not sure I get it. It's like four nub meets the bottom of our son's

sneaker. Hon, don't be a Bulgarian.

Well, then please, Erica, enlighten us. What does it all mean?

Fuck if I know. It means money in my bank account. Nice.

That's all I care about.

Oh,

oh, Elliot. Wait one second. Elliot.

Elliot.

Hi.

God, there you are. I've been looking for you literally everywhere.

Guys, this is Elliot. Elliot, meet my very good friends from New York, the

Bruces. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hello. Hi, Lisa. Thank you. Hello, Elliot. Okay, guys,

have fun. Go roam. Drink for free. Buy everything. Thank you.

Thank fucking God. I thought my face was going to crack off from fake smiling.

Okay.

I'm sorry about...

The other night I think I was I think I was more stressed about the show then I

thought and I'm sorry But it's going really well, right it's like it's going

really well Yep.

Okay. This is what I want to do.

I Want you to go to the ladies room.

I want you to wait in the furthest stall three minutes And then I'm gonna come in

and fuck you with this dildo No

What? Don't be a buzzkill. It's gonna be fun.

And also, this is technically a work-related event, so I am paying you.

Mm-hmm. So you have to do what I say.

I mean, that's gotta be sexual harassment or something. Oh, man.

Come on, baby.

Please?

Thing is that I'm just really, really wet just thinking about it.

Erica, Erica, I'd like to introduce you to Margaret Epstein from MoMA.

Wow, yes, it is such a pleasure.

We've chatted on the phone, but never in person.

Really, Erica, I am such a fan.

Oh, my God, thank you.

You are more than an artist.

You are a psychologist of the human condition.

You know what?

I absolutely agree with you.

The new work, though, I must say,

I'm not so sure it's up to par.

Well, I do always strive to break new ground creatively.

Erica never plays it safe. And she never repeats herself. That's what makes her

iconic.

And I'm going to show you a piece that illustrates that right over here. Come

this way, come this way.

Even more than an artist, I sort of think of myself as a psychologist of the

human condition.

You know?

Elliot.

Erica?

I don't even want to know what you're doing in a woman's bathroom, okay? You

need to get your shit together, and you gotta come with me right now. Let's go.

Come on.

Is that you?

Ellie, you gotta be honest.

Okay, just think it through.

Oh, my God.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I'm sorry, sir. Can I help you?

What?

Are you joking?

Erica, that video was just supposed to be for...

Ours. That was supposed to be for us. I trusted you with that, and then you go

and put it in your show without my consent.

Sorry, sir, you seem to be quite drunk. I don't know if you need any assistance.

I get that you've done fucked up shit before, right? But this is on a whole

new level of fucked upness. Hey, excuse me.

What's, uh, something, something wrong here? This man seems to be having some

sort of psychotic episode.

No, Erica, you can't. You cannot just act like some kind of god up in the sky

and none of your actions, you know, have any ramifications. You can't just do

that. Please, Erica. No, Erica, stop.

Talk to me, Erica. Sir.

He's on drugs. You need to get him out of here. Go fuck yourself. Hey, hey,

hey. Go fuck yourself. Hey, sir.

Go fuck yourself. Get the fuck out of here.

That was entertaining.

Never a dull moment, right?

Okay.

What was I saying?

Is Erika Tracey over?

As if the art on display last night was not proof enough that this tired old

whore is Donzo, an enraged former boy toy, that's you, exploded in her face

at her own party. Say buh-bye, biatch.

That's not even the worst one. You should read with the fucking times.

Yeah, no, I get it. I get it. I drank a little bit too much last night. Didn't

we all?

After you left, I gave a fat guy half a handjob in the parking lot.

Oh, fuck.

What? Victor fired me.

Are you surprised?

I guess not.

Well, don't feel too special.

With Erica officially passed her cell by date, I think it's safe to say we are

all on the chopping block.

Thank God.

I don't really need to work anyway.

Oh, heads up. I am having a Grindr party slash orgy tonight, so you might want to

find somewhere else to sleep.

How long is the manjamboree gonna last this time?

All weekend.

Great.

I had nowhere left to go.

I had no job.

No prospects.

I was at the end of my rope.

Okay, okay, I'm leaving.

Fuck.

Huh?

Finally. God, what took you so fucking long? Come on, get in here. Don't

fucking stand there like a half-wit.

I hate drinking alone.

It's so trash.

Here, just skip. I want to propose a toast to the bitter end

of Erica Tracy.

What?

Oh, did you not hear?

The show was a fucking disaster.

I'm done. Finito.

Terminated. They fucking hate me. They hate me.

They hate me. So now we have to toast. We have to celebrate.

Will you celebrate with me?

Come on.

Come on.

Yeah.

Here, have more. This helps.

Come on. No, it's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good.

It's good. It's good. It's good. Okay.

You want some more?

You want some more? Just like a little bit more? A little bit?

Here's what I want to do.

You come with me.

Here's what you're going to do. You're going to take all your fucking clothes

off. Take your clothes off. What?

You're going to take all your clothes off. You take your clothes off, and then

you put this on. I don't want to. Take all your clothes off. Come on.

Let's go.

Erica, I don't want to. Just fucking do it.

Jesus. Fuck.

And then you take that.

That's great.

Yeah.

Yes.

Come on. We don't have all night. Let's go.

Okay. You're going to love this. This is so good. I have something so good.

Okay. Okay.

This is... Okay. You sit down. Here. You sit. Sit there.

You go like this.

Like, I go, like, oh, you're so pretty.

What are you doing? Shush, shush, shush. No questions at all.

Hi.

Hi. Mm.

Okay.

Here's what I'm gonna do. Tonight, you are gonna be me.

And I am gonna fuck you.

And then I will be fucking myself.

Literally this time.

You don't want

to fuck me? No.

Come on. Come on. Oh, come on. Come on. Stop.

Stop it.

Are you fucking crazy? Come on.

I told you what I want you to do. Can you just do it for me? Can you just do

what I asked you to do?

Erica, what is wrong with you? What the fuck? Are you fucking insane?

Stop! It's all right. I don't need any of that. Erica, this is fine. I don't

need any of that.

I'm ready now.

Erica, stop!

That's the last thing I remember.

So you hit her?

No.

What? No, I didn't hit her. She was attacking me. I was just defending

myself. I mean, I've never seen Erica like this. So unhinged. Like she had

nothing left to lose.

You said she was intoxicated when you arrived.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, she was definitely fucked up. I mean, you know, she was

really upset about the show tanking. So, I mean, I don't know if she was on

anything besides alcohol, but... You were under the influence as well.

I had a few glasses of champagne, but that was it.

You said earlier you blacked out.

Um, well, I hadn't eaten all day.

I guess that the alcohol was hitting me, you know, a little bit harder than

usual. So let me get this straight.

You drove to Erica's house, you got drunk, you got in a violent physical

altercation with her, and then you conveniently blacked out and can't

account for anything that happened for the rest of the night?

I didn't conveniently black out.

Yeah, if you say so.

After you regain consciousness, then what happened?

Erica?

Erica?

Stop fucking around Erica. Where are you?

Fuck. Erica.

Erica,

wake up. Wake up.

Erica, wake up. Erica, come on. Stop fucking with me. Come on. Wake up. Wake

up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Hi.

Hello. My friend, she fell into the pool.

There was an accident. She...

I tried to give her mouth-to-mouth, but I think... 10,000, 10, Wonderland

Terrace. Yes.

Okay, yeah.

Please hurry.

Okay. Okay.

Erica?

Erica?

And then her body miraculously disappeared?

I don't know. I mean, I went inside the house for like 60 seconds to call 911.

How long were you unconscious?

I don't remember, but I didn't kill her. I know that for sure.

Is there anyone you can think of that may have wanted Erica dead?

She wasn't universally loved, but I can't think of anyone she pissed off

enough to want her murdered.

I don't know. I can't say for sure, though. I... I honestly didn't know her

that well.

So what happens now?

Well, with no body, there's no evidence, so... you're free to go.

What?

I... I could just leave?

For now.

But don't go far.

So how many days has it been now?

Five.

You know, the police say the longer that she's missing, the less likely it is

that she's alive.

Do you think I need to get a lawyer?

I mean, not that I can afford one, but... Let's stay optimistic for the

time being.

Speaking of, seems like the clickbait drama has restored Erica's market value

at the very least.

What?

Every one of her pieces from her shitty trainwreck show sold out.

So I guess it's true what they say.

An artist is worth more dead than alive.

I'm in.

Is it just me, or is that so unbelievably fucked up?

Welcome to the sad reality of now.

I'm gonna go for a run. You want me to get you anything while I'm out?

No, I'm good.

Text me if you change your mind.

Okay.

You expecting a package?

No.

It's for you.

I'll give you two minutes.

Hi.

So...

What you're trying to say is that it's all Victor's fault. No. No, no, no, no,

no. Definitely not. I take full responsibility for my part in this,

but... after the show bombed, the brand took a huge hit. We had to do something.

You used me in a plot to fake your own death for publicity?

I understand why you're upset. I do. Which is why I'm here apologizing in

person. And as I told you, I already cleared everything up with the police.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Thanks for that.

I'm sorry.

I'm truly, truly sorry. But the studio was hemorrhaging money.

And when Victor came up with this whole cockamamie scheme, I... I didn't know

what else to do.

Did you roofie me?

I had to.

For the plan to work, you had to be just a little foggier than usual, and we

needed time, you know, to pull off the operation.

It was your usual just spy movie stuff.

I mean, to be honest, the hardest part was forcing myself not to breathe or

laugh when you were giving me mouth-to-mouth.

And then Victor and I waited outside to make sure you called 911.

And the rest is history.

Why me?

Well, you gave us a... I mean, with your whole meltdown at the opening, it was a

pretty convenient motive, you know? And plus, you're the most gullible slash

trustworthy of my... Most of my friends would have just run away, not even

called 911.

I don't know what to say.

Bob's so unbelievably angry at the same time.

I mean, I was just living my life, minding my own business, and then you

come along, and before I even know what's happening, I'm a sex slave to a

complete fucking sociopath and being interrogated by the cops for murder.

That's fair.

It's not fucking fair, Erica!

It's fucked up!

Do you not understand what you've done? I lost everything because of you. I

mean, Erica...

I had real fucking feelings for you, and you destroyed my entire fucking life. I

know you're upset right now, but you need to trust me. As somebody who has

come back from the dead, literally and figuratively more than once, your life

is not destroyed.

In fact, there's a silver lining. Silver lining? What the fuck are you even

talking about? Okay, I'll tell you. Remember when I was saying that in order

to break through the noise and get people's attention these days, you have

to make a big commotion?

Well, now you, despite whatever nuisance it's caused at the moment, you can now

go and make a documentary.

Or write a book, or a miniseries, or whatever, after you change all the

names, and it'll say, based on an insane but shockingly true story, which is all

people give a shit about these days.

So, uh, you expect me to be grateful for you implicating me in this entire

fucking shit show?

I don't believe in shame or regret or any of the other fucked-up brainwashing

they give you in Catholic school.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special guest in the studio today, world

-renowned artist and now author, Erika Tracy.

Erika's biography, Confessions of a Slut, How to Get Laid and Conquer the

World at the Same Time, is online and in bookstores now.

Go get it.

Erika, I mean, welcome to the show, obviously.

I kind of can't believe you're here right now.

So crazy. That makes two of us.

I was surprised to see that I made enough of an impression to warrant an

entire chapter in your book.

I mean, I'm full of surprises. You should know that by now. Do I ever.

So that was fun.

It actually was. Yeah. It was great.

Yeah, and it looks like you were right again. What do you mean? Well, you

always said that I'd see the benefits of our relationship in the end, and I mean,

well, here we are.

I'm always right. You should know that. That is so true. Hey, did you want to

get, like, a drink or dinner or something?

Elliot, are you hitting on me?

Maybe.

I have plans tonight, and I'm flying out first thing in the morning. And plus,

I've already fucked you, so what's the point?

So true.

You do look good, though. Thank you.

What'd you do? Did you replace me or something?

Oh, Erica, trust me, there's no replacing you.

Why, have you replaced me?

Yeah, of course.

Oh. But it's not the same.

That's nice to hear.

Well, I'm not worried about you. I mean, you know, I'm sure there's a lot of weak

men looking for a strong woman to dominate them. Ouch.

I know.

Wow. I do want to tell you, though, that I... I am proud of you.

Oh, um, thank you. That means a lot.

Oh, gracias, babe.

Jesus, this is Elliot.

Elliot, this is Jesus.

Hey, man.

Nice to meet you. No, no, he doesn't speak English, so... Oh, yeah, no, of

course not. I really hate to break up this circle, jerk, but our next segment

is ready, and we are on a tight schedule.

Have we met before?

Two minutes.

Let's not make it another two years.

Definitely. If you're in New York, call me.

It's a date.

Bye, honey. Bye.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of these two

beautiful souls as one.

Do you, Elliot, take Erica to be your loftily wedded wife, to have and to

hold, to honor and cherish till death do you part?

I do.

And do you, Erica,

Take Elliot to be your lawfully wedded husband.

To have and to hold.

To honor and cherish.

Till death do you part.

I do.

I pronounce you man and wife.

Let me kiss the bride.

baby baby baby

My toothbrush doesn't... That is very hard.

You're a cockstrap.

Should I wear a cockstrap? You sure?

Yes. You're selling it so well. Thank you so much.

No, like, that's, like, not the vibe. Ow, fuck.

Oh, God.

Look at you.

Look at you.

I knew it.

I knew it.

Okay.

I'm gonna do this one just looking right down the barrel.

Sorry say that again.