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♪ Fire, I'm fire ♪

♪ Baby I'm lit ♪

♪ Fire, I'm fire ♪

♪ Baby I'm lit ♪

♪ Love me Hey, love me ♪

♪ Maybe, hey, maybe ♪ Shut up!

♪ Love me Hey, love me ♪

♪ Everybody wants my number ♪

♪ I've got it, I've got it ♪

- It's good? - I don't know. What is it?

♪ Love it, I love it ♪

♪ Baby I'm lit ♪

♪ I'm fire I'm fire ♪

♪ Baby I'm lit ♪

♪ Fire, I'm fire ♪

I'm so excited to be coming to this island.

I've heard so many great things about this company

and their commitment to ecological issues.

And remember, people...

Be one with nature.

♪ Give it, I'll give it ♪

♪ Take it, I'll take it ♪

Whoa!

I'm alright, I'm alright.

Wow. You are alllllright.

I'm Mongoose, by the way.

It's actually pronounced the French way,

but most people call me Mr Goose.

Like, my mum calls me Mong.

Like, whose mother would call them Mong?

Do you know what I mean?

Alright, girl?

Wanna take a little selfie?

I don't mind.

Go on.

Argh! Fuck!

You fucking asshole. You scared me to death.

Chill out, it's an app. It's not even real.

So, we are now approaching the island itself.

The snakes, spiders and scorpions on the island

are harmless,

but we do have great whites in the ocean.

One last tip for you, the, er,

mushrooms that grow wild on this island

are the strongest psychedelic substance known to man.

That's not to encourage you. That's a warning.

Hmm.

Mushrooms it is, then.

Mark, phone away, now.

Now!

Is that a new blazer, David?

It's a sports jacket. It's less formal than a blazer.

Oh. Um... but it's nice.

Ah...

Why is that old fucker front of house?

He's just helping out until the guests arrive.

Right, well, I don't want him serving.

Nobody wants to think about old people when they're eating.

Adi, I didn't tell you to pull 'em up with your fingers.

I told you to spray 'em.

That's the pesticide I told you about.

It's banned in Europe.

I didn't ask you to spray it

from the Eiffel Tower, did I? - Hello?

But if the toxins get into the soil,

it's gonna kill everything.

Thank you. Er, they're ahead of schedule.

Okay, spray now, or you're back to cleaning toilets.

Unbelievable.

Give these people an inch, they take a mile...

Has anyone ever told you

you look like Pamela Anderson?

Hey, welcome. hello.

Finally you're all here.

So happy to see you. Welcome.

Welcome to The Pearl Haven Hotel.

This really is, it's the jewel in the crown

for Infinity Dream International.

And we are thrilled to have you,

the biggest influencers on the planet,

here to launch it.

Whilst you're here, everything is free.

Food, drink, it's all free!

Yeah. So all we would ask in return

is that you tweet, you TikTok,

you hashtag your millions of followers

and, uh, Rachel, do you wanna help me out?

Hey. Hey...

Not joining the party?

I'm not in the party.

Hmm. You know, my content isn't really their content either.

Oh, I'm Ed.

Hi, Ed.

S-sorry, what's your name?

Bye, Ed.

Molly, you're so pretty.

Molly, my girl...

- Molly? - Yeah.

Did you name her after your favourite drug, then?

- Pardon? - Molly, E, MDMA, Ecstasy...

Ecstasy? No. No, no, no, no. No, I don't do drugs.

So, what do you create?

Me? Oh, I'm not an influencer. Molly is.

Molly is a superstar. Aren't you? Hi...

Guys, let's get you something to eat.

Come this way, come this way.

And remember, feel free to share online anything...

♪ We gettin to it Yeah, we gettin to it ♪

♪ Got the whole squad Livin' like a movie ♪

♪ Just sayin' You could've lived this way ♪

Go on, light me up.

Get it on me, get it on me.

Whoa.

♪ We gettin to it ♪ Come on...

Yes! Come on!

Look at 'em. Like pigs in shit.

Well, they're posting.

I mean, look at all the tags!

Ooh. Hashtag city, baby.

♪ We gettin to it Yeah, we gettin to it ♪

♪ We gettin to it Oh, we gettin to it ♪

♪ Why you cappin' Bout the way... ♪

The Mongoose gang. What you sayin'?

You alright, yeah?

What we got here? The UFC. Ultimate Fridge Challenge.

There's only four minis in here.

♪ We gettin to it Yeah, we gettin to it ♪

♪ We gettin to it Oh, we gettin to it ♪

♪ Why you cappin', bout the way your people movin' ♪

♪ Talk big on the Internet ♪

Here we have Finca, my best friend.

She wants to be my best friend too.

She just doesn't know it yet.

Mm, mm, mm.

Uh...

♪ You could've lived this way But you messed around ♪

♪ Bet you feelin' like you blew it ♪

♪ We gettin to it Yeah, we gettin to it ♪

I see you've met Duncan, my guardman.

You're gonna need a bigger goat.

That's very good, hm.

Hello, Clara.

Hello, Dad.

Bit early for whiskey, don't you think?

Not this one.

This is a lowland whiskey, a breakfast malt.

I'll have water.

Well, that'll ruin it.

Just water.

Oh... oh, really?

Um...

I got your letter.

It was brief.

I tried to fill in the blanks, but there were too many.

I'm guessing you didn't come all this way

just to see me.

I'm here because of the hotel.

Ah, the new development.

The Pearl Haven Hotel.

The turd in the crown.

The wart on the scrotum of luxury.

Uh, so what, are you, are you travel writing now?

Investigative reporting.

Whoa, a notebook.

Which one are you? Woodward or Bernstein?

Couldn't think of a female journalist?

No. No, fair point, well made.

So, um...

So what's the angle?

How does a resort get built when the entire island

is a protected nature site?

Oh, that's easy. Bribery and corruption.

- Correct. - So, what's new?

Er, let me guess. You, er, your...

your petition didn't work.

Your legal injunction didn't work.

But, uh, now you think you can blow open

a corporate malfeasance case

against a multinational ecohotel.

An ecohotel that's just flown 30 influencers

here from all over the world.

That's a situational irony, but it's not Watergate.

How about, "Hotel Destroys Paradise

while West End legend remains glued to bar stool"?

Well, that wouldn't be accurate. Sometimes I fall off.

Tsk...

It's all a joke to you, isn't it?

What did I tell you?

Be nice.

Yeah. The Mongoose gang.

You alright, yeah?

So, the man on the boat said to me

that the mushrooms that grow here

are the strongest in the world.

Now I know you've seen me trippin',

but I've never been slippin'.

It's hard to believe that these guys are stronger

than the Dutch imports we get back home -

shout out to my dealers, Chris and Jamie,

yeah, you know who you are.

So, we're gonna take these babies on a little test drive,

for the purposes of science; and for you, my followers,

nearly hit a million people.

Talk to me, Goose.

Here we go.

Uh...

These are disgusting!

But I'm intrigued.

Uh...

Ah...

Ah... Oh, shit.

Fuck me. Uh...

Ah!

Sorry, are you working for a company called Mackerel?

I am. Why, does it sound fishy to you?

Ha! And they say Germans aren't funny.

What's going on, guys?

So, I am here in the Pearl Haven Hotel,

and wow, it is a beautiful tropical paradise.

But as an environmentalist,

it's important for me to check out

whether this company is green,

or just greenwashing.

Let's go.

Large extraction fans.

It's not a good start.

The rooms are hot.

Too hot, even. But perhaps that's because...

Wow.

Okay, obviously I'm a nature lover

and we should all be one with nature,

but that... that one scary arachnid,

that bad boy needs to be caught and put outside.

Now, as I always say,

if you treat animals with respect,

they'll treat you with respect.

Now, you cannot call yourself a nature lover

if you only care for cute little kittens and puppies.

These ugly animals need love, too.

Uh, God!

Uh!

Okay, let's delete that.

We've been having complaints

about the air conditioning.

We've had it shut down.

It's affecting the entire hotel.

At this current time, we've got no air conditioning anywhere.

Yeah, I know, Russell.

Do you know how I know that?

'Cause my balls are sticking to my legs and I'm fucking purple!

Look at me!

You're in black and white.

- Trust me, I'm purple. - He is.

Fix the air con or I will fire the fucking lot of you!

Towel! Ah, God.

Is that a cobweb?

If I had to bet on it,

I'd say something's trapped in the vent.

And what do you think it is?

A rat or a lizard, maybe?

A cat?

When I backtracked the issues with the extractors,

it said relay switch in vent three was switched off.

Off?

Well, it might not be.

It might be a diagnostics issue

saying it's the switch, but it isn't.

If it's a short circuit,

it could shut down everything, including the Internet.

So, er...

Well, one of us needs to go into the vents to have a look.

And Mark's too fat.

Er, are you going out?

No, I'm wearing my pyjamas.

Only I, I thought we might have dinner together.

Nuts and bourbon isn't a meal.

Nonsense. It's my five a day.

Come on, Clara.

Let's not fight.

I haven't seen you for so long.

Can't we at least have dinner?

I'm going to meet my contact.

There's a drug dealer on the island?

I have a contact amongst the staff

who has information about the hotel's building practices.

We're going to use it to disrupt their launch.

You're meeting Adi.

He's the only person in that place who cares.

But he's the maintenance manager,

so unless you're gonna ask him for a tour of the drains,

I can't see how he can help you.

Don't wait up.

Say hi to Adi.

I don't believe in the dictionary.

I think there's too many words.

What I do is I take the ones I know, I spread 'em out.

Like snakes, yeah?

If I see one moving fast, I say he's running.

Yeah, he ain't got legs, but he's still running.

Okay, but millions of years ago, snakes had legs.

You don't half chat some bollocks, you.

No, no. They just became redundant over time.

They're legs.

Kevin's heard of evolution. He just doesn't believe in it.

No. I believe anything when I see it.

You can't see evolution.

Yes you can, actually.

For example, you wear suntan cream, right?

I use many creams.

Okay.

But you wear suntan cream to protect your skin

from rapidly getting darker.

Because of increased UV light,

your skin cells are essentially evolving.

- See Finca, proof! - No.

That's all I ever want!

It's go time!

Don't do that.

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. I can't help it.

Of course you can help it.

Oh, it's just something I do when I, when I get excited.

Yeah. You sound like a mouse wanking. Sorry.

Haha! Yeah...

Okay, everyone. We'll be starting

the presentation in five minutes...

Hey. How are you?

I'm good.

Erm, if you're coming to the launch event

and you want a drink, I'm paying.

It's a free bar.

Yeah, fair. It's the thought that counts, though.

I'm actually meeting someone. Maybe later?

Y-yeah, great. Yeah.

Oh...

Uh...

Uh!

Uh!

Argh!

Argh! Aaaargh!

Aargh! Aaargh!

Argh!

This is a resort built into a jungle.

This is the Rainforest Retreat.

And if you're a thrill seeker,

you are not gonna believe this.

Come with me.

This is just the beginning.

We've already laid the foundations

for the next phase of this project.

It's a hotel built within the jungle itself.

A rainforest retreat.

An eco paradise, naturally.

Is it, though?

I'm sorry, who are you?

I'm just someone who thinks building a hotel

in a jungle is not natural.

If you're so ecofriendly, why build on the island at all?

Buildings are banned on all of the islands in the region.

How did you get permission?

So, if I can just say,

we have all of the relevant permits.

- That's horseshit! - I love this girl.

This lake was exactly where we're all standing now.

All those birds have gone!

- Alright, come with me, please. - Get off me!

If this hotel expands into the jungle,

it'll kill thousands of species of plants and animals!

Alright, I've just, I've just realised who you are.

Your father runs a shithole hotel

on the south side of the island, yeah?

So, who exactly are you protecting

the island for? Is it for the wildlife?

Or is it for yourself?

Do you want to keep the whole place for you and Daddy?

Little Miss Entitled...

- Alright, come on. - Right?

Please! Get this message to your followers!

This hotel's not eco.

It's a fraud, and it's breaking the law!

That is absolutely not true.

Please do not post any of that.

How could we? Your Internet is useless.

If what she said about the lake is true, she'll have a case.

It's UN environmental law.

I mean, one habitat can't be destroyed for another.

I like protestor girl.

Yeah, she's fit.

She's a bit too Greta Thunberg for me.

But Ed wants to fuck her, don't you, Ed?

What?

No, it's not like that.

What's it like, then?

No, we're just... like, friends.

- Friends? - Friends?

Are you gonna post what she said on your feed?

Are you?

Fuck that shit!

I mean, look, give me a petition to sign and I'll sign it.

Give me a collection tin to fill and I'll fill it.

But what I'm not gonna do is bore my followers with it.

I mean, the way I see it is if a hundred pink flamingos

have to lose their little pond

so that I can drive a fucking Ferrari, I'm sorry,

I'm driving the Ferrari. It's a no-brainer.

I mean, that's kind of where I am.

I mean, I guess...

I get what she's saying,

but it took me years to build that following.

And I have way more followers

than all of you combined times four.

- Oh, really? - What are you doing?

- We're going for a swim. - No, no... Aaah!

♪ I promise I won't be jealous ♪

♪ You don't deserve it all ♪

- Here you are, Winnie? - Yes?

Get this beautiful girl a margarita,

and I'll have a skinny bitch.

It's a vodka soda.

Oh.

Keeps me lean.

I'm Kev.

- Dina. - That's a beautiful name.

I mean, if you want to talk about

people profiting from nature...

She loves that dog.

In public, yeah, but she's basically a pimp.

No, seriously, she's whoring that dog out.

She's making it turn tricks for likes.

Behind closed doors

she's probably beating the poor animal.

Yet the dog still has more followers than you.

Whohoho! Hohoho!

No way, Mongoose!

- Oh my God! - What the fuck?

Please! I gotta get home!

Wait, wait for me!

Ah, shit!

Fuck!

Ah!

Do you want to talk?

My mother's buried beneath that hotel.

Oh, no, she's not.

The last time I was here,

I buried a time capsule with her.

She'd written something for me,

something she wanted me to know.

And now it's gone.

Smashed to pieces.

Like the island you loved so much.

The island you wouldn't even leave to come to her funeral.

Please, Clara. Can we not do the whole magical misery tour?

Do you know what I told myself when mum was dying?

That you couldn't visit because you were the caretaker.

You had to stay and protect the island.

But when it needed your help,

you did nothing.

Caretaker...

Stop.

Hm.

Molly? Molly? Come on, girl...

We're going out.

Only the Germans could invent

a single word to describe

taking pleasure in other people's misery.

'Schadenfreude'.

Oh... What other German do you speak?

- Bundesliga. - Oh, very good.

Stein. Schnell.

Achtung, obviously.

You know, you will be the first English boy

who I've slept with who speaks German?

Why? How many English boys have you slept with?

Hmm... Does Welsh count?

No.

Irish?

Definitely not.

Hm.

You're not very tall, are you?

I'm average. I'm above average.

You know, my ex-boyfriend was, like, seven feet tall.

A real monster.

- Monster...? - Put your hands up.

Yeah, his hands were like... twice as big as yours.

- R-right... - Are you shaking?

No.

I haven't even taken my clothes off.

It's not gonna be one of those nights, is it?

What nights?

Oh, hello.

I can work with that.

Uh...

Hello, reception?

Yeah, bruv... What's going on with this air con?

It's so hot I think I could melt.

Sorry, sir. It's gonna be fixed by tomorrow.

- Tomorrow, yeah? - Yes sir.

- Promise? - I give you my word.

Alright.

Uh...

What the fuck?

Hey, Dina...

Gina?

Karen, whatever the fuck your name is,

get in here and help.

We've got roaches.

Ah!

Hello?

Calvin?

Or whatever your name is...

You alright?

Have you thought about not using plastic bottles?

Actually, I don't use plastic at all.

I retrieved those from the sea.

What's with the getup?

It's very Tomb Raider.

I went up for that, you know?

The butler.

"Your guns, m'lady."

I didn't get it...

obviously.

I need to find Adi.

Do you have any idea where he might be?

He has the information I need, but he's disappeared.

Do you want me to look around, see if I can find him for you?

That would be great. Thank you.

Clara, about what you said last night...

- I don't wanna talk about it. - Your mum was difficult!

Really?

You're going there?

She was difficult,

and I was a fucking nightmare.

I have nothing but regrets for the way things ended between us.

I loved your mum very deeply, but she...

Have you considered how difficult

it was for her to love you?

When you have zero love for yourself?

If you're looking for that time capsule you buried with her,

then it's probably at Emerald Beach.

The two of you used to spend a lot of time there.

The fan failure has blown the circuits.

The two things are linked.

Oh, so it's actually just one great big fuck up.

Adi was supposed to override the fan

and get the air con back up, but...

He fucking didn't.

We have at our disposal for one weekend only

some of the world's biggest influencers...

Oh, they prefer the term 'creators'.

I don't fucking care if they prefer the term:

'Ballsack Billy the Bear'.

If there's no WiFi and they can't get their videos up,

no fucker's coming.

Is there anything we can do?

I don't know. Open a window?

No, I meant anything we can do about the Internet.

I'm gonna have to get to the mainland,

get to the network centre and link up with the GCode...

Jesus Christ, I don't want the whole fucking manual.

Just go to Captain Brunner and ask him to take you.

- Adi? - Do you want me to find him?

No, I want you to fuck his sister.

But... Adi has a brother.

Right.

I swear to God, he is fucking retarded.

You're not really supposed to say that anymore.

Faulty, then.

You can't say that either.

Oh...

Don't tell me someone shat the bed already.

Bollocks...

Whoa...

Ah!

Whoa! Uh...

Uh...

Ah...

So, what's wrong with them, apart from being dead?

It looks like sepsis.

Well, maybe it was drugs, right?

We'll say it was drugs.

Okay, so we need to get,

we need to get ahead of this, okay?

So, he's gonna have dirt on him,

so start sniffing.

They've been bitten.

Bitten?

By what? A snake?

A spider.

No, no.

Just... no.

There are no poisonous spiders at this hotel, okay?

There's nothing venomous at all.

It's policy.

Well, I guess this one didn't get the email.

Shit!

Shit!

Shit, shit, fucking shit!

Right, I need to get their bodies to the mainland.

- Has Brunner left yet? - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What do you think? You're not going anywhere.

We need you here.

Well, I have a duty

of care to my patients.

They're dead.

I need to know what bit them.

Nothing 'bit' them, okay?

It was drugs. He, he's a massive druggie.

- Rachel, right? - He barely drank.

Yeah, he's a massive druggie.

Look, do you, do you even know what this place means

to Infinity Dream International, huh?

It's a place where dreams are meant to come true.

It's paradise, alright? We don't even have bed bugs.

You, you expect me to believe that some fucking spider

bit and killed this man and this woman?

Yes, David, that is what I'm saying.

And if we don't find out which species it was,

more people will die.

Okay, well this is my project, my project,

from the inception to finding the location

to the hiring and the firing, okay?

I am inferring that I can fire you.

Yes, I got it, David. Thank you.

But the yacht's already left.

Oh, and there we are.

So, we can't do anything anyway.

So, we are gonna leave these two here

until the influencers have gone.

And then, then you can turn this place

into fucking CSI for all I care.

Oh...

How long before these two start,

you know...?

Actually, don't answer that.

Hm...

I've managed to override the blocked fan

and I've reprogrammed the fan sequence.

Get Adi to power up the control panel.

That should get the fans working and the air con back up.

- But I can't find Adi. - Then you'll have to do it!

I have to sail to the mainland or no one's posting anything.

I'm not technical.

You're not anything. Press the fucking button!

But which button?

Where did I put that lighter? Ah...

Er, are you open?

Ah, in actual fact, no.

I've been given a quest by my daughter.

She has a dragon I must slay to win back her love.

I just want bottle of water.

Ah.

Take it. I don't touch the stuff.

Cheers.

Ah...

Mm. Mm...

Been on the sauce, have we?

Er, yeah. Well, no.

Well, the man on the boat said that the mushrooms

that grow on this island are the strongest in the world.

I made the mistake of eating a few, hehe.

Well, I admire your mettle, young sir.

- Yeah. - That's a nasty fungi.

A bit like yourself, really.

What if I were to tell you

that the wildest natural high on the island

is not in fact the mushrooms.

Huh? What is it then?

Cane toads.

Cane what?

The cane toad.

You wanna get really high?

Lick the back of one of those lumpy buggers.

Oh, what happens?

It's like the strongest acid mixed with ketamine

and a microdose of smack.

It will affect your motor functions though.

You'll be walking like you've got no bones in your legs.

Sounds really entertaining for my feed.

People pay to watch you fall over?

Yeah, I've got nearly a million followers

that love to see me as fucked as possible.

I'm missing a trick here.

Heh.

Where do I find these toads?

I'm never sick.

I reckon they switched to own brand.

Gary, you're sick because you drank too much.

That's bollocks.

You washed your face in shots.

Oh yeah...

You had a vodka facial.

Yeah, I do remember that. Ha.

Gary!

You fucked her, didn't you?

Bumped into her...

on the way back to my room.

One word, Gary.

Disappointing.

Don't be like that.

Why are you making excuses to me? I don't care.

Run along. Your girlfriend's waiting.

Fine.

Hi.

Molly!

Hi. Have you seen my dog, Molly? Le petit chien?

- No, sorry. - No? Molly!

Oh, hey, have you seen Molly?

No, and if I had, I would've drowned her.

Sorry?

No, but if I do, I'll let you know.

Winnie?

Clara?

Clara!

The last time I saw you, you were this big.

Now you are a woman!

I'm so sorry.

What they've done to your island.

My island?

It is not mine.

Even this body is not mine.

I have borrowed it.

Well, it's definitely not theirs.

Clara...

The desire to own and control things

leads to attachment,

the root of all suffering.

You can only lose what you cling to.

Let it go.

David Attenborough: When spiders are ejected

from their natural home,

like any other animal, they will find a new one.

They come to keep warm, to mate,

and to feed;

and for the most part, living comfortably beside us.

It's open!

Spiders will only usually attack

if they feel threatened or cornered.

Just leave it there. Er, merci.

There are over 50,000 species of spider.

Many are solitary, but some will hunt in packs.

Molly!

The hairs on their legs are released

when attacked or killed,

bringing others of their pack into the fight.

Molly?

Molly, baby! Nature's revenge is unforgiving.

Molly, baby!

Molly!

Molly?

Molly? Are you here?

Molly, baby? Molly?

Molly? Molly?

Molly?

♪ Get up now Dance if you want to ♪

♪ Get up now Shake if you want to ♪

♪ Get up now Move if you want to ♪

♪ You want to You want to ♪

♪ Get up now Dance if you want to ♪

♪ Get up now Shake if you want to ♪

♪ Get up now Move if you want to ♪

♪ You want to You want to ♪

♪ Hey ♪

I haven't seen Adi since yesterday.

Clara was looking for him. I haven't seen him either.

We're having a lot of technical issues, though.

I guess he has his hands full.

Well, keep an eye out for me, would you?

Yeah. I'll call you if I see him.

Thanks, Raj.

- Say hello to your dad. - Oh, thanks.

♪ When it comes through They know what to do ♪

♪ Queen and the G Better make room ♪

♪ They smellin' bangolin, my perfume ♪

♪ Yeah it's my time Yeah I'm in bloom ♪

♪ Check this Check this ♪

♪ I'm about to wreck it Wreck it ♪

♪ Livin' like lavish Lavish ♪

♪ It doesn't really matter What they say or do ♪

♪ Get up now Dance if you want to ♪

♪ Get up now Shake if you want to ♪

♪ Get up now Move if you want to ♪

♪ You want to ♪

Hey! You found one!

Ohohoho!

Have a look at her. She is a beauty.

I'm probably gonna regret asking this,

but, um, how do you know it's a she?

Ah. I'm just calling her a woman

'cause I don't like the idea of licking a man's back.

You draw the line there?

Yeah.

Check her out.

Wow.

I'm not being funny, yeah,

but I've been licking this big ol' green booty

for half an hour now, and I don't feel a thing.

Patience, my boy.

Here...

Ohohohoho.

May I?

Yeah. Knock yourself out.

Okay...

Hey, you got some good technique there, hehehe.

Yeah, look at that. She likes it.

Hey... it's my first threesome.

They were here first,

but the islanders don't know their rights.

I do.

Okay, but like, if your dad runs a hotel here,

doesn't that kind of affect your argument?

My Dad quit acting to become an environmentalist.

His place was built so film crews could stay here

and study the wildlife,

so no, it doesn't.

I have a contact here.

I can't find him anywhere.

I need help.

Aren't you supposed to be the nature guy?

Mr Eco Warrior?

This could be your story.

You could help break it.

Look...

I'm not saying that I don't want to help, but...

I'm all about the positives, you know?

I post about the beauty of life,

not this negative doomwatch stuff.

And plus I've got, you know...

sponsors, so... - Mm.

And you don't wanna rock the boat,

and there are no likes at the end of the world.

You're a joke.

You're just like the rest of them.

You've got the whole world following your every move,

hanging off every word you say.

You could be a force for good, but... you just care about you.

Okay, wait...

Look...

I'll help you.

Alright?

So, we're in this shed because...?

He said he had some proof.

This is his office, such as it is.

Where would he keep it?

It's gotta be on an email.

I mean, nobody does shit on paper anymore.

No, not for something like this.

Digital's too... porous.

He said he had some physical proof to help get the prick.

- What have you got there? - It's a receipt...

Signed by David.

For cement?

Loads of it.

Well, I mean, that's not illegal.

Then why is it hidden?

But don't you build hotels with cement?

Yes, you do.

So, doesn't it make it less of a smoking gun

and more of a... a water pistol?

Ed, do you go on many dates?

No.

Do you?

Not for a while.

And, er, and what would a date look like for someone like you?

Oh, you know, go on a march,

protest against oil, lay in the road.

Maybe we could glue ourselves to the road together.

Obviously, if you're up for it.

Look...

I know I sound like a broken record about all this.

No, look, I get it.

It's important to you.

Fuck...

- Winnie! Winnie! - Winnie...

Hey! Hey, hey...

He's got no pulse!

Start compressing here!

Start compressing his chest.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come on! Winnie!

Please don't die!

He's swallowed his tongue!

Ah!

Uh! Uh!

Uh!

Ah!

It's the second one of those I've killed since I've got here!

They're so aggressive!

Fuck!

Look out!

Ah! Aaah! Ah, ah!

Aaah!

Aaargh!

Aaargh!

- Ed! - Aaargh!

Aaargh...

Ed!

Just press the button, he says.

Adi?

Adi?

Fucking hell...

Oh, David, it's working.

Oh...

Oh, thank Christ.

Hallelujah.

Rachel, get rid of those cobwebs.

Oh, what the fuck is he doing here?

What the fuck are you doing here?

I'm looking for a toilet to block.

Oh, you're so full of shit, that shouldn't be hard.

- What do you want? - I'm looking for Adi.

Oh, finally, something we've got in common.

Oh my God...

Fucking...

I...I need a clean-up crew, here, now!

Would you have a heart attack

on your own fucking time. What?

There's thousands of the bastards!

Hello, look, I'm Curtis.

Now sorry, specifically which bastards?

Aaargh! Uh! Ah!

- Jeez... - Uh! Get them off me!

Argh! Urgh! Ah!

Aaargh!

Shit! Shit!

Jesus Christ.

- Uh! - Ah!

What the fuck?!

Uh... Uh!

♪ Living my life like a superstar ♪

♪ Looking real nice like a model, yeah, a model ♪

♪ Baby I don't care who you are ♪

♪ I just want gelato and the lotto tight ♪

♪ Cause I can't lie I'm gonna shake my ass ♪

♪ Till I am 69 I can't lie ♪

♪ I'm gonna shake my ass Till 69 ♪

Argh! Aaaargh!

♪ Champagne dreams but a soda pop wallet ♪

Aaargh!

♪ You talk big game ♪

♪ But you're broke So I don't want it ♪

♪ See the only thing that matters, matters ♪

What the fuck?

I'm not falling for that shit again.

♪ That's what I like Yeah, that's what I want ♪

Finca!

Finca!

Finca!

This way! Come on!

In here!

Close the door!

- Close the door! - Yeah!

You! I wanna make a formal fucking complaint!

This is not cool!

Clara!

Dad!

Shut the door!

Shut the fucking door!

- What the fuck was that? - Spiders.

I know, but like, big fucking psycho spiders!

Are you alright?

This hotel's a fucking joke. Seriously, it's a fucking joke.

This is bad. This is really bad.

Like, you can't do the basics like Internet

or air conditioning, but killer spiders?

- Yeah. No problem at all. - Okay, everybody, be calm. Yeah?

Check each other. Make sure they're not on you.

But how do we know this room is safe?

Well, we don't.

It's as safe as a bag made of his piss.

Seriously, this is one star, TripAdvisor. One star.

- That is not fair! - Not fair?!

People are dying!

You must have known there were spiders here!

Don't be so fucking ridiculous.

First I knew about poisonous spiders

was about five fucking minutes ago like everybody else!

You'd better hope that's true.

The minibar is a disgrace.

And millions of spiders are trying to kill. Millions!

It's not millions of spiders. It's a handful.

Uh...

Ah!

Oh... Oh, shit!

Jesus Christ!

Ah! Ah!

Oh...

Leave the, leave the furniture!

Get the spider!

Did you get it?

Ah!

Oh, yeah. Oh, great.

Great job.

What are you gonna do now? Put it outside?

Let's fucking kill the bastard.

Why? There are a thousand more out there

to take its place.

Welcome to Spider Island!

This is not Spider Island! Do not even joke!

That shit sticks. And do not post that!

Chance would be a fine thing.

Sun, sea and spiders!

Book now to avoid disappointment!

Sorry.

You are so fucked.

I've never seen this species before.

That's because it's not from round here.

It's an immigrant.

Oh, wow. Really?

When all else fails, blame the immigrants?

Look at the way it's using its mandibles.

Mandibles... mandibles...

Look at my fingers...

Dad?

What are you talking about? Your hands are fine.

I worked with Richard Kiel once. He had hands this big.

- Who? - Jaws.

Not the movie, the character in The Spy Who Loved Me.

The man with gold teeth. Aaargh!

He, he was in Moonraker too.

Not Moonraker 2, the sequel, that...

and they hadn't made a sequel.

Although the producer did talk about making a sequel, not...

Dad, how much have you had to drink?

I swear, I haven't had any...

Oh shit!

I licked a cane toad!

Why?

Is there anything I can say

that would answer that satisfactorily?

God, you idiot!

That's fair.

How are we gonna get off the island?

Isn't there an emergency hard line?

All communications are down.

What about the yacht we came on? - I can drive a yacht.

- I think you mean 'sail'. - Hm, no mate.

My daddy has a yacht. You drive.

- Of course he fucking does. - That's it, then!

No. There is no yacht.

It sailed to the mainland this morning.

Russell's gone to fix the Internet.

Great. So we can die online.

Sorry. Again.

Nobody is gonna die, alright? This room is safe.

So, all we're gonna do is we're gonna sit here,

we're gonna wait here until help comes.

Oh, and what? Fuck all your guests and staff

who are dying out there?

Whatever happened to a captain sinking with his ship?

He was a fucking idiot and he died.

I've got a boat.

Dad, your boat's got a hole in it.

I've got another boat.

- A bigger boat. - Really?

I've got a boat at Emerald Cove.

In the real world, or are you tripping?

Uh-oh.

Where are you going?

It's probably best you don't ask.

Okay. Okay, so that's the plan.

We go to Emerald Beach, we take the fire extinguisher

and anything else we can repurpose as a weapon.

How? They're all over the hotel.

- We can go through the vents. - What do you mean?

Well, I think the spiders were hiding in there.

They are what caused the air con problem,

and then we turned the fans on and they got blown out.

Now with the fans on, I think the vents

are the only place where there won't be any spiders.

- You're right. - Of course she's not right.

- You've lost your fucking mind! - Come here.

If you want any chance at salvaging the situation

and keeping your job,

how you act right now is kind of important.

And your priority, at least outwardly,

has got to be the safety of your guests.

Yeah.

Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna open that vent, we're gonna go in,

we're gonna crawl through,

we're gonna see if we can find a way out,

get his boat, then bring help for everybody, okay?

Let's do it.

Oh...

Dad, are you in there?

Dad? Get out of the toilet. We've got to go!

Dad, come on! Hurry up!

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, nine...

Go on then.

I'll go first.

Just... don't leave my dad behind. Promise?

I promise.

Ah...

Ah...

Ah...

Fuck!

Get up there, you stupid prick.

Fucking help!

Ugh!

Come on. What are you doing?

- We've gotta go. - I can't go in there.

What do you mean you can't go in there?

I'm claustrophobic!

Ah...

- Is that the way out? - Yeah.

Whatever you two are planning, do it fast.

We're about to have company.

Okay, listen to me. I'm in love with you, okay?

I love you.

I've always been in love with you and, uh...

I just never felt like I was good enough for you.

So I messed up last night,

and I'm sorry,

but I want to be with you.

Just you.

If you don't get up there right now,

you're gonna miss out on the fun you can have

ridiculing me for saying all of this shit, okay?

Now go. Please, go.

Go!

Dad? Are you there?

- Yeah, I'm here! - You alright?

Well, I wouldn't say that.

If I had a choice, I wouldn't have my head

stuck up David's arse.

Fucking hell. Could you stop talking please?

Your breath's flammable.

The airflow's stopped.

Why is no one moving? What's happened?

Why is there no airflow here?

Oh... what the fuck's that smell?

Everyone stay where they are!

Why are we stopping?

Back up.

- Back up! - Everybody back!

- Go, go! Move! - Back up, back up! Oh...

Back up!

Move! Back up! Quick!

Uh!

Aaargh! Uh...

Aaaargh! Urgh!

Gary!

Aaaargh! Argh!

Aaaargh! Aaargh!

Urgh!

God...

Come on.

Uh!

Everybody get on! Quick!

Move! I'm driving that.

- Quick! - Come, come, come, come.

Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.

- Ah, shit. - Come on, come on, come on!

I can't, I can't believe it.

I can't believe he's dead.

Cowards die many times before their death.

The valiant never taste of death but once.

Throw a spider at him, will you?

Dad, this isn't the time for Shakespeare.

Please sit down.

I know a shortcut, through the caves.

It's quicker.

Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop!

It's Mongoose.

Is he meditating?

That man is many things,

but a Buddhist is not one of them.

He's dead.

He might still have that cane toad in his bag.

We should rescue it.

Definitely not.

I'm alright.

I'm alright!

Whoa, ow!

Get the fuck out of my eye, you little bastard.

It's coming up. Stop! Here.

How far is it?

Not too far.

We can cut through the caves.

Where are you going?

David, what are you doing?

What do you think I'm doing?

I'm getting us to the boat to get out of here.

Yeah, but why are we going there without them?

Why? You wanna get off? Join your friends?

Just tell me.

Didn't think so.

Look, you're not making any sense.

She said there's a shortcut through the caves.

It's even quicker.

Trust me, the caves are not quicker.

If he gets to the boat first,

don't you think he's just gonna take it?

Definitely.

He won't. This way's quicker.

Scarier.

I don't like this.

Just a bit further and we can drop down,

go through the caves, and then it's mangroves.

Water.

Holy shit.

Oh God...

Those are...

irregular cobwebs.

What does that mean?

It means they're not meant for trees.

Nothing's gonna fly into that. It's too visible. It's...

It's a nest.

Look at the size of it.

David Attenborough once told me about these spiders

that hunt in packs

using a distraction technique called...

peacock spider.

While you're looking at it,

the pack attacks you from below.

Run!

Uh!

Uh...

Ah! Uh...

I think it's broken. Uh...

Ah, come on...

Dad, I think she's broken her leg!

Dad? Did you hear what I said?

Yeah, I heard you.

Oh...

They're coming.

Now you've gotta stay perfectly still.

Spiders will only attack you if they feel threatened.

Do not move.

I'll distract them.

Come on!

Come and get it!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on, you little fuckers!

- Come on! - Dad, no!

Come and get it!

You want to fight someone, fight me!

Come and get it! Come and get it!

- Don't... move. - Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Come and get me!

Come on! You want a fight? Fucking fight me!

Come on!

Follow me, you bastards! Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Ah! I'm over here! Come on!

Come on! Follow me!

Come on! There you go!

I'm the Pied Piper! Come on!

Here we go! There you go!

That's it, here we go! Here we go! Here!

Uh! Argh!

Oh, God...

Ah! God...

Clara!

Run!

We have to go.

Clara!

Go where?

What do you mean?

Go where?

There's nowhere left to go.

If we stay here, we will die.

Look... I'm sorry about your dad,

and I'm sorry the island that you love got fucked.

But if that shit stain manager gets to that boat first,

he'll win.

And I'm pretty sure you wanna live

to stop that from happening.

That motherfucker...

He filled the caves with concrete.

So, does it mean we're trapped?

If you can climb down,

I think there's a way through.

How tight is the space?

It's tight.

Look at me.

We can do this.

But...

Just give me a minute.

Let's go.

Let's go. We should go now.

Ah!

Ah!

You're a mother.

Go away.

Shit. I thought it'd be closer.

Alright, hold on.

David, just think about what it would look like

if you and me are the only two survivors.

Please, we have to wait for them!

You can. I'm not.

I've seen the caves!

And I know how you got planning permission to build on them!

- Caves? - Yeah...

Well, how did we get planning

permission to build above caves?

- The caves were made safe. - How?

We followed the architect's advice.

The spiders came from the caves,

deep below ground, harming no one.

You filled their home with concrete, forcing them out.

And your signature is on the receipt for that cement.

Bullshit. Show me.

Oh, oh no.

Did your letter get wet? It's ruined it, hasn't it?

Oh, what a pity.

You see, what we actually have here

is called force majeure, which is an unforeseen natural act.

And guess what? That absolves me of all responsibility.

Sorry!

I've got copies of everything. I'll help you.

Rachel. What are you doing?

I've been helping you for years.

Hiding your mistakes. Covering up your fuckups.

Yeah, it's your job!

Well, you're a disgusting human being

and I despise you.

You cannot talk to me like that.

You're an Infinity Dream employee.

Well, do you want to shove this up your arse?

Or shall I do it for you?

Alright, very good.

Ow!

Right, I've had enough of this.

You're not gonna make it!

Watch me!

The tides are too strong!

For you, because you're weak!

In fact, your whole, your whole generation is weak!

You're weak, lazy, self-obsessed!

In fact, you are... you're so, so self-obsessed,

you literally think that work is photographing your food

and sharing every magnificent bubble-headed thought

that comes into your head!

You're not, you know what? You're not Gen Z.

You're genpanzee! You're pathetic!

See ya!

Fuck off!

My generation is trying to find their way

because your generation fucked up everything.

And now nature's biting you in the arse

and you don't like it!

Yeah, yeah.

Nothing's biting me!

Spiders can't swim!

Ooh!

Uh!

Rachel, help!

No! Aaargh!

No!

Rachel!

Aargh!

Well, I wasn't expecting that.

No.

I mean, that captain fella, he said there were sharks.

I got signal!

Me too.

I'll call Captain Brunner and let him know where we are.

How the hell is that dog still alive?

No, how the hell is he still alive?

I'm alright!

I'm alright!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's okay, it's okay.

They're just... riding along, you know,

having the occasional nibble, but I'm alright.

They're just really beautiful animals.

q

No!

That's not very respectful to nature.

Aargh! Aargh! Die!

She's killing my friends.

How are you not dead?

Well, aside from being an absolute legend

with an amazing capacity for drugs, I'd say...

The venom of the cane toad protects you

from the poison of the spiders.

Either that or I'm a really lucky git.

Did you lick a cane toad with my dad by any chance?

Oh yeah. The old guy, the actor fella

with the really shitty bar?

I must say, he was...

Really partial to a lick.

Dad?

Dad?!

Dad?

Dad!!

Dad?!

Dad?!

My darling Clara.

I hope you are reading this as a woman

and that you're happy in your life.

I hope you can bring yourself to forgive me

for taking you away from this beautiful island.

We tried to make the marriage work,

but your dad cared so much about saving the planet,

there wasn't much time for anything else.

I know that sounds a bit heartless, but it's the truth.

Life stopped being fun,

and life should never not be fun.

To die, to sleep.

No more, and by a sleep

to say we end the heartache

and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.

'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

To die, to sleep.

Dad?

To sleep...

perchance to dream.

Aye, there's the rub. For in that sleep of death,

what dreams may come when we have shuffled off

this mortal coil, must give us pause...

Dad!

Oh...

Mum left you.

Why didn't you tell me?

Nothing worse than a man seeking pity.

Apart from a bad actor playing a man seeking pity.

I love you, Dad.

In that case...

I love me too.

I'm not quite sure why I'm alive.

The cane toad!

Well, this seems like a good moment for Shakespeare.

Go on then.

Doubt thou the stars are fire.

Doubt that the sun doth move.

Doubt truth to be a liar.

But never doubt I love.

♪ We've seen days ♪

♪ Where there was not a cloud in sight ♪

♪ When things just seemed to go our way ♪

♪ Now it seems ♪

♪ That trouble's easier to find ♪

♪ We've forgotten how to play ♪

♪ Those other days were easier ♪

♪ Got carried away ♪

♪ On wings our dreams had shown to us ♪

♪ All of the memories we share ♪

♪ They're here to stay ♪

♪ And no one can take that away from us ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Do I want to go back in time ♪

♪ Would you go back in time ♪

♪ Do I want to go back in time ♪

♪ Would you go back in time ♪

♪ Those other days were easier ♪

♪ Got carried away ♪

♪ On wings our dreams had shown to us ♪

♪ All of the memories we share ♪

♪ They're here to stay ♪

♪ And no one can take that away from us ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Those other days were easier ♪

♪ Got carried away ♪

♪ On wings our dreams had shown to us ♪

♪ All of the memories we share ♪

♪ They're here to stay ♪

♪ And no one can take that away from us ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Do I want to go back in time ♪