Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

Oh, welcome back to the land of the living.

Was I out long?

Long enough.

Not that it matters.

You guys know that I always need a nap

after a boozy brunch.

Don't let him push your buttons.

It's your birthday. You do whatever the fuck you want.

Is that Adam?

Your man awaits.

Why are you always such trash?

What'd I do?

You're up!

Yeah, sorry.

Those mimosas hit me pretty hard.

Ah. Well, that's the cost of wild living.

Yeah. Not wild enough for some, apparently.

What do you mean?

Zeke just keeps making these little comments

that suggest that he's not exactly thrilled

with the weekend's festivities.

Or, you know, lack thereof.

Whatever.

Not everything's some big Fire Island bender.

I mean, the whole idea that all gay getaways

have to be substance-abusing,

sex-filled chaos is reductive.

So you're not, like, mad that there's not more to do?

Or that your boyfriend is sleeping the day away?

Absolutely not.

I mean, the whole point of this vacation

is to do absolutely nothing, right?

Besides, when I came in earlier to check up on you,

you looked so cute,

all wrapped up in your blankets.

Snoozing to one of those stupid films that you love.

The work of Ted V. Michaels is not stupid.

It's just, you know, misunderstood.

Well, not that it matters.

I must have slept through the whole thing.

When I woke up, there was just dead air.

Well, next time we're in the bedroom, we'll be...

I don't know, revving things up?

Oh my god!

What the hell?

What the fuck?

Did you see?

See what?

It was watching us.

It? I-- What are you talking about?

Out there.

I don't see anything.

It-- it was there. It was.

What?

I don't know how else to say this, but...

Could you say that again?

I told you, there is a zombie outside.

Or at least something that looks like a zombie.

I thought you said we weren't

bringing party drugs this weekend.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

You know how that sounds, right?

Maybe you've been watching too many of those movies.

Oh, okay. What actually happened?

Well, we were having an intimate moment.

An intimate moment?

Were you two gonna fuck in the kitchen?

We make food in here.

Zeke, it's--

Continue.

And I looked outside,

and there was someone out there watching us.

Like-- like, hardcore.

Now, when you say "hardcore..."

Zeke!

I don't see anyone.

Well, yeah, they probably ran away

during all of the commotion, but there was someone out there.

I-- I swear!

All right, then.

Let's go take a look.

I'm sorry, what?

Well, as far as I know, the closest house

is a good mile and a half down the road, so, uh...

If someone's wandering around outside,

I think we should probably know.

So you want us to go look for a peeper.

Have you watched any

of the true crime documentaries that I recommended?

Well, if you'd bother to take any of the CrossFit classes

that I recommended...

You wouldn't have anything to worry about.

Bitch, how very dare.

If anything, I am the muscles of the group.

Okay, uh, are we gonna do this, or what?

I mean, i-is it too late to vote for or what?

Anybody see anything?

What if it went into the woods?

Wouldn't be very smart.

Neither is assuming an intruder

is gonna stick to the manicured parts of the lawn.

The only reason

that we were out here...

What?

- What is it? - There.

Do you see it?

See what?

That... monster...

is...

jogging?

You made it sound like something was wrong.

Well, there could be,

if he's solely relying on cardio for exercise.

He's such an idiot.

Uh, hi.

Is everything okay?

Fine. I think.

We are renting this house for the weekend, and, um...

my partner here, he thought he saw someone in the yard.

Yeah.

You been peeping anybody's windows today?

- What? - Uh, what my friend here

is trying to ask is if you've seen anyone around.

Honestly, just you guys.

It's pretty under-populated this time of the year.

Yeah. We kinda noticed.

Where did you come from?

Pretty far out for a run.

I'm just staying at my uncle's cabin up the road.

Come here a lot in the off-season, just to chill.

This is the only road in and out, right?

That's what they tell me.

And you're on your way back from your run.

Okay, get to the point, Angela Lansbury.

I am.

Look, if this is the only road, then he had to have

passed the house earlier when he left for his run.

Yeah, I did.

Like a half hour ago.

Which is exactly around the time

when Adam thought he saw someone.

- Okay, case closed. - Yep.

Look, Adam, you just saw

our neighbor here getting some exercise.

No creepers, no zombies,

just an afternoon run.

Zombies?

Yeah. Look, I know the difference between--

Okay, there you have it. Okay, Adam, I'd say...

you need glasses, babe, but... you already got 'em.

Sue your eye doctor or something.

Now, can we please go back inside?

There is a bottle of margarita mix

waiting to help us all forget we wasted our time

Scooby-Dooing around this fucking yard.

- Look, I just think-- - Sorry about all this, really.

I hope you guys have a good...

whatever it is that you're doing here.

Hey, you coming?

Sorry.

Okay, that is absolutely not fair.

Bitch, I have photographic evidence, okay?

You in a hot pink feather boa and matching pink platforms.

I would love to see that.

- That can be arranged. - Under no circumstances

are those photos exchanging hands, got it?

Okay, we'll see about that.

And why did I not know about this?

It was way before your time.

Yeah, I had just moved.

It-- it was my first summer in the city.

Oh. God, everything just felt so new then.

Yeah.

Well how come you guys stopped

doing all those performances?

I mean, it sounds like it was a blast.

Oh, I wasn't in it for the long haul.

It was more like a weekend thing

so I could cope with my awful minimum wage job.

The artist life is more your boy's thing.

Uh... yeah, I don't know

how much of my thing it ended up being, but thanks.

Come on, babe, don't be so hard on yourself.

I mean, I'm not being hard on myself.

It's just true.

Yeah, I have to kind of side with Ollie here.

You've done some great stuff.

Yeah? Like what?

A Fringe Fest play that tens of people saw?

Or some short films that disappeared

as soon as the festival circuit was over?

I mean, hell, you're talking about our cabaret

from back in the day, and we couldn't even

sell those out.

Adam.

No, I'm fine. It's just...

I guess--

I guess I just thought I'd have made a dent by now.

You know, I've been doing this for years,

and yet I keep losing jobs to guys

with less experience and more abs.

I just wish we could have had a birthday party

where I was celebrating a win, and--

not just another year of me kidding myself.

Babe, you're not kidding yourself.

It's your dream, and it's a really hard one.

And as a friend, it's so inspiring to watch you

just keep going at it.

I just feel like I am spinning my wheels.

And you know the worst part?

It has completely zapped my creativity. I--

Everything I try to write down anymore just...

feels so artificial.

Well, that can't entirely be true.

I'm sure something inspires you.

Right, anyone else need a drink?

Uh, no.

If anything, the last few minutes have proven that

I should probably cut myself off and just turn in.

Yeah, same.

I would prefer not to be super hungover tomorrow.

Alright, boo to both of you, but I get it.

I'm just gonna go pour myself another one, and

then go take it to my bedroom and do my nighttime reading.

- Ooh, salacious. - You know it.

Do you need help with him?

Oh, fuck no.

He drank himself into a stupor,

so he can lie where he lays.

Not our problem.

- All right. - Bye, goodnight.

Have a good night.

Night, babe. Sleep tight.

Mm, you too.

- Uh, hey, Louis. - What's up?

Thank you.

Of course, babe. Happy birthday.

I'm sorry it's not what you want it to be, but...

there's always next year.

And look at the bright side.

You look amazing for 40.

Oh, you bitch.

Oh, you know it.

Well, that was a fun night.

Nice to reminisce.

Yeah.

Sorry if I got too deep.

Oh, isn't that what birthdays are for?

Reflecting and shit?

I guess.

Well, in the spirit of things,

if you wanna go deep another way...

Really?

Hey, you're the writer here, okay?

I'm trying.

And besides, that doesn't answer the question.

Can you just give me a second?

What's going on, Adam?

What do you mean?

Do you even want to, with me?

What? Yes, of course I do. I just--

just not right now.

I'm not in the headspace.

When are you gonna be in the headspace, exactly?

Are you serious? Are you--

are you getting mad at me

because I don't wanna have sex right now?

No, this is not about the sex.

This is about everything.

This is about how you've been pushing me away for weeks.

I have not been pushing you away.

Oh, bullshit.

You barely touch me anymore.

And you treat every interaction with me

like it's some inconvenience.

I mean, fuck, I tried kissing you today.

- And I got a bloody nose for it. - That is not fair.

- You know that I thought I saw-- - Yeah, I remember.

Is being touched by me so bad

that you have to make up monsters?

You know, I thought that you were

just having a birthday pity party.

You were in your feelings.

It wasn't about me.

No, it isn't. I...

It was bad enough that you eye-fucked

that jogger earlier and didn't think that I noticed.

But then I had to sit there next to you

on that couch tonight, and listen to you

tell your friends about how nothing inspires you

or excites you anymore.

That kind of puts the writing on the wall for me, doesn't it?

That is not what I meant.

That's how it feels.

Do you even wanna be with me anymore?

Do you even know what you want at all?

- No, Ollie, I-- - Don't bother.

Fuck.

Great. Hello?

Just a minute.

Oh, come on.

Some of us have to piss.

Oh. Come on.

Hello?

I said just a minute.

Oh. Whatever.

Oh...

Oh, fuck...

Oh.

Hello?

Yeah, what am I even doing out here?

I don't normally just meet strangers in the woods, but...

It's you.

Adam, is that you?

Adam!

What?

You know, you should be cuffed.

Lucky for you, I don't really feel

like being hassled right now.

That, and I know I could

kick your ass if you put up a fuss.

Right. Sure.

So you mind telling me what you were doing,

taking a long nap in a house that doesn't belong to you?

I don't know.

I-- I really don't.

"I don't know. I really don't."

You know, I'm gonna need a little more than that.

Not for me, because I don't really give a shit,

but for the guys down at the station, they--

They will. They'll care a lot.

You from around here?

Uh, no, I'm--

I'm not even really sure where--

I know you.

You do?

You made that zombie movie up here a couple years ago.

Zombie?

I can't believe I didn't recognize you.

It's probably because it's dark

and dingy in here, but yeah. You guys made that movie.

We don't get a lot of movies that shoot around these parts,

so I take it as my business

to watch all of them, even the really cheesy ones.

Yeah, this is a great location.

You know, a lot of people got down on that movie

because of the zombie sex.

Not me.

Because I knew it was for the art, right?

And I didn't even really mind

about that other stuff either.

Just so you know.

Right, yeah. Yeah. Good to know.

Hmm. Filming a zombie movie.

Let me see what I can do.

And not because I'm giving you a free pass

for what you did here tonight,

'cause this is just kind of weird.

Because I know that sometimes actors do...

eccentric things.

Don't move.

I understand.

- Ben! - Huh?

Ben Baur.

That's your name, right?

I gotta admit, I looked it up on IMDB when I was in the car.

Y-- Yeah, that's my name.

You're actor Ben Baur.

Look, I made a call.

I talked to the owners of the house.

They're not gonna press charges.

But they strongly inferred that they'd like you

to not do this again.

Okay?

So if you ever get the urge to come up here

and, you know, sleep in somebody else's house,

maybe don't.

Right. O-- Okay.

All right, well, how'd you get up here?

I...

I-- I don't actually know.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Actors and drugs.

Do you have somebody you could call?

Do you think the owners would mind if I used their phone?

I understand that, Officer.

Thank you, again.

Look, it may not be my place to say,

and I don't know if this is patterned behavior or what,

but you might wanna talk to your friend about therapy...

something, maybe rehab.

I'll definitely keep that in mind.

Look, I'm just gonna ask you this straight up,

with zero judgment.

Are you okay?

I think so.

Okay, but, like, you're fine?

Like, you're not hurt or sick or anything?

Yes, I mean,

I-- I feel fine.

Okay.

Okay.

In that case...

What in the actual fuck, Ben?

I thought you said there was gonna be zero judgment.

Well, that was before you declared you were fine.

I meant physically.

Obviously, I am not fine.

I-- I don't know what the fuck is happening.

It's 4:00 a.m.

It took me two and a half hours

to get down here from Los Angeles.

The sun will be up before we get home.

You better start figuring it out, Ben,

because I'm gonna need some kind of explanation.

I told you, I don't know.

I-- Whenever I try to concentrate,

to remember,

it's just like static in my head.

Yeah, that's not concerning at all.

Look, I haven't heard from you in weeks.

That-- that can't be true.

Look, I can only speak for myself,

but when my best friend goes radio silent

for almost a month,

- I would tend to notice. - I didn't realize.

So you can imagine my feelings when this,

of all calls, is the one to break the silence.

Last time we talked, you were hyped up

about a big audition you had, and then, nothing.

Have you become that much of an actor

that normal engagement is just too much for you?

Audition?

Yeah, I said other words in there, too.

I'm not gonna bust your balls,

because clearly you're going through something right now,

and I care about you.

But this one-sided stuff is just not okay.

I-- I get it. I do.

Mm-hmm.

You seriously can't remember anything?

All I recall is that I was at home watching a movie,

and then the next thing I know,

I-- I'm being woken up by the police officer

in that house.

Okay, wait.

So, you're chilling,

watching a flick,

and the next thing you know, you've B&E'd into a house

you shot at five years ago?

Was that five years ago?

Are you sure you're not taking anything?

As far as I know.

Look, clearly we're not gonna solve anything tonight.

But next time you decide to go on a vision quest

and break into one of your old filming locations,

maybe pick a place up the street,

where we shot the web series,

and not some place that requires two highway exchanges

and a rural access code to get to, okay?

I'll-- I'll try my best.

Oh, speaking of the bumfuck remoteness of it all,

how did the people who own the house know you were there?

Oh, uh, apparently they have cameras all over the house.

God, you can't trust anyone these days.

No.

You can't.

You sure you're gonna be okay by yourself?

I think so.

All right.

But to be clear, we are not done talking about all this.

I just need to get some serious sleep first.

Yeah, for sure, you should--

You should go do that.

Okay, then.

I'll be fine, really.

Can you say that for sure?

Can anyone?

Well, with that cheerful thought.

Hey, Taryn?

Hmm?

Thank you.

Oh, you will definitely be thanking me over the course

of several dinners that you will definitely be paying for.

Love you.

You, too.

- Hello? - You broke into a house?

Do you understand what a PR disaster that is?

Or rather, would be, if anyone

was actually paying any attention?

Our client list is small,

and we can't be personally invested in behavior

that is harmful to the brand.

Uh, personally invested?

I haven't heard from you guys in weeks.

That's not true. I sent you on that audition.

A month ago.

Uh, and it was very clear that they didn't want anyone

who read as gay.

That's your problem.

I get you the appointment.

You're the one that has to show up and act.

If they don't want something, don't give it to them.

Okay, but that's one of the things I bring to the table.

I-- I want to be making queer art.

Yeah, so you said.

Your generation, and your message movies.

Don't think I don't get it, but that's not the biz.

You wanna sell tickets, you have to go broad.

Otherwise, you're going to be stuck with

web series and indie movies.

And let's face it, you haven't exactly

booked any of those lately, either.

Okay, so--

so, what can we do?

We are not going to do anything.

In case I haven't made myself entirely clear,

I can't rep you anymore.

You're dropping me?

Come on, kid.

You haven't landed a gig in forever,

which already put you in a tenuous position on our roster.

And now with the hijinks last night,

well, it's not exactly like you're a winning bet.

I don't fucking believe this shit.

You knew what kind of movies I wanted to make,

and you didn't even try to find projects that were a match.

Yeah? Well, have you ever considered

that you were maybe being unrealistic?

Actors don't have the luxury of getting

to pick their own identity.

Other people tell you who you are,

and you graciously smile, and take the paycheck.

Hey, this is Taryn.

Sorry I can't answer your--

I mean, you do have those movies

like Shaun of the Dead, where you do have

a semi-happy ending to a zombie movie,

but I'm just saying that it seems like a losing proposition.

Okay, but in the spirit of our show, I have to ask,

is there a proper way to survive a zombie movie?

I think it depends on the kind of zombie.

Are we talking voodoo zombies

or, like, brain munch, munch zombies?

It's a very, very important distinction.

Okay, so, uh, for argument's sake,

let's go for the classic Romero-style,

although we have to point out for our horror hounds

that it isn't actually a zombie in Night of the Living Dead,

it is a ghoul, so let's just make that clear.

The ghouls. See, it's a classic ghoul.

Okay, sure, sure, sure. I'll bite.

You know, I gotta bring the puns, all right?

- So, thank you so much. - Nice.

But how do you survive?

I mean, like, honestly, you don't.

Ben?

I thought that was you.

Is everything okay?

Is it-- is it really you?

Yeah, it's really me, buddy.

Is something going on?

I-- I don't know. I--

I really don't know.

That's fair.

You wanna go somewhere, and talk about it?

Maybe grab a drink?

Isn't it-- Isn't it a bit early?

It's Hollywood.

And we're gay.

So... what do you say?

So I said, "If you're getting YouTube numbers,

then I'm gonna need some YouTube money."

And then they caved.

I'm gonna be honest, I don't know what any of that means.

Neither do I.

But it worked,

and it got me the down payment for my brand new car, so...

Well, cheers to that.

So, what about you? Are you working on anything?

Not really.

I don't even really know what I'm doing anymore, to be honest.

Is that the reason why you went all Lifetime Original

out on the street?

I guess.

Kinda.

Look, dude, I get it.

But... isn't this the life that we chose?

This business is just one big existential crisis.

Maybe it isn't, though.

Maybe it's just the truth.

We have a whole city of people

who take playing pretend very seriously,

and maybe that's because we know

that the pretend is the only thing that's real.

Well, I mean, obviously, there's always truth in art.

No, that's not what I mean.

I'm not talking about finding the truth in art,

but what if art is the truth?

Do you ever think about it?

That-- that movie we made, I mean, the one with the--

- with the zombie. - Oh, that movie?

Sometimes, yeah.

I mean, that was such a fun summer.

Do you wanna know what was wild?

My character in that wasn't even supposed to have a name.

But my reps threw a fit, mainly because they wanted more money.

But that's why, if you remember in the script,

they had "Hot Jogger" crossed out, and "Dylan" written in.

They were so cheap, they didn't even update the draft.

I guess I didn't realize that.

Did you care?

Not really.

I mean, my character was only there

to be the conduit to your character's break with reality.

I think.

To be honest, I never fully really understood

what was going on in that.

And I never bothered to ask Michael.

Michael?

Varrati.

The writer and the director.

Didn't you guys make, like, a bunch of movies together?

Right, yeah. Of-- of course.

Yeah, day drinking.

I hear that.

What made you think of that one?

I guess it's just been on my mind a lot lately.

I don't know why.

It was fun, but it was definitely niche.

It was too queer for horror fans,

and too horror for queer fans.

But what do I know?

Maybe it'll be one of those rediscovered classics.

Yeah, but what if all of that is just irrelevant?

It--

We're talking about it like it fits in some box,

but what if the box doesn't actually exist?

I don't follow.

What if--

what if it's not just a movie?

What do you mean?

In the story, the zombie showed up

when we were all commiserating failure.

What-- What if that was more than just symbolic?

Ben, I'm not sure I really--

What if when we uncover the truth in art,

even if unintentionally, we can't deny that it's there?

I'm not really digging this conversation.

I've been seeing it, Danny.

Seeing what?

The zombie.

It's-- It's not just in the movie.

What? Do you hear yourself?

Look, I am telling you because you were there.

Hell, I probably ran into you because it was meant to be.

Uh, because you were a part of it.

No one else would believe me.

I don't believe you.

Look, I don't fully understand myself,

but somehow, some way, parts of the movie are coming true.

I-- I woke up in the house.

And I'm seeing the zombie everywhere.

Ben!

Zombies aren't real.

The movie isn't real.

No?

Then why has it been standing outside watching us

this entire time?

Do you see what I mean?

- I gotta go. - No, Danny!

No. We're done.

It was nice seeing you, Ben.

Hey, uh, sir, is-- is everything okay?

Because I couldn't help but overhear that--

I'm-- I'm fine.

Everything's fine.

Um...

Handmade belts!

Hey, it's Michael Varrati.

Unfortunately, I can't take your call right now,

but if you wanna leave a message--

Hey, it's me.

Not to be nosy, but a friend of mine from improv

said that she thought she saw you at some restaurant

in the valley, causing a scene today.

Maybe it wasn't you, but, like, just for--

Everyone agrees that death is hard,

but this next film really redefines what that means.

From writer-director Michael Varrati,

this tale of necrotic neuroses

has left fright fans divided.

Whether this movie has something to say

or just something to spray,

one thing's for sure.

There's A Zombie Outside has bared its teeth gaily.

Telling the story of man who believes

he's being stalked by a living dead creature.

I don't know about you,

but I don't really get what he's complaining about.

Silent, strong, and only paying attention to me?

Hey, it's Michael Varrati.

Unfortunately, I can't take your call right now,

but if you wanna leave a message--

Whatever you do, keep that door closed.

It's too late.

What?

I let the zombie inside.

What?

Whatever you do, keep that door closed.

It's too late.

What?

I let the zombie inside.

What?

Not here.

Do you hear me? Not here.

Is there a reason you haven't been answering any of my calls?

- I've been busy. - No one's that busy.

And I'm actually not calling to gossip about boys.

I'm actually worried about-- Jesus Christ, Ben.

This place is a wreck!

When's the last time you left the apartment?

Why are you here?

And how did you get into my building, anyway?

Okay, first off, your doorman can't resist

a little va-va-voom.

And second, I'm here because the last time

you didn't answer any of my calls for a spell,

I had to cross over two counties in the middle of the night

- to come get you. - Well...

I'm-- I'm fine.

This does not look fine to me.

What are you doing?

Something is up, and I'm not leaving here

until I get some answers.

I don't like this. Any of it.

Don't take this the wrong way,

but none of this is your concern.

Oh, you've made that abundantly clear.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means, this is some fairly standard bullshit.

You're not the main character in everyone's life, Ben.

I have things that happen to me that matter outside of you.

So when you relegate me to some one-dimensional role,

it's fucking frustrating.

And when you're getting objectively worse...

It also makes me feel like

I'm not even doing one dimension right.

What? I--

You are the one who was insisting on inserting yourself.

Because you got me involved in the first place!

Now, what the fuck is going on with you?

I don't really know how to explain it.

Well, try.

And maybe let's start with why you've locked yourself in here.

Because it's out there.

"It"?

The zombie.

I'm sorry, what?

The zombie? What, like the one from your movie?

Yes!

At least that's what it seemed like initially, anyway.

You're not making any sense.

It didn't make any sense to me either, but--

but since that night, I see it everywhere.

That night? At the cabin?

At first, I didn't understand it.

So I started poring over

everything I could find about the film.

I-- I thought maybe there was something buried out there

that I was missing, but...

the deeper I got, the farther from me it seemed.

This is all about a movie you made five years ago?

But did I?

I-- I remember it, but--

but I don't.

Almost like it happened to someone else.

Sweetie, it's called acting.

No! God, you don't get it!

This. This.

This feels true.

And I think that's why the zombie is here,

because this is the answer.

And that's why you broke into the cabin the other night? I--

But what if I didn't break in at all?

Remember, I don't know how I got there.

There was no vehicle or means for arrival.

What if I didn't break in?

What if I was there because...

that's where I start?

I-- I don't understand.

God, don't you see? The movie is us!

Ben, let me go.

It is the only thing that makes sense.

How else could it be everywhere that I am?

The movie never ended.

We're still in it.

You know that doesn't make any sense.

I-- I wasn't in that movie.

We all are...

eventually.

Ben!

Your arms.

What have you done to yourself?

I know what it looks like, but...

I had to know.

What do you mean?

I didn't feel it.

I-- I should've been able to feel it.

That is the proof.

We need to stop the zombie, Taryn.

We need to finish the movie.

Okay.

What?

I said okay.

I'll help you stop the zombie.

You will? You-- you believe me?

I believe that you believe it.

And that's a start.

Yeah.

Right.

Okay. Uh...

I know that this is a lot to take in,

so we should probably start by just going over everything.

Have you actually seen the film?

- I have a DVD of it-- - Actually,

we should start by cleaning those arms up.

You're not fighting anything, dead or otherwise,

- if you get an infection. - No.

uh, do you have alcohol or hydrogen peroxide or something?

- Uh, maybe in the bathroom? - Great.

I'll get that, and you get the DVD started, okay?

Right.

On it.

Yes, hello?

I don't know if this counts as an emergency.

I'm with my friend, and...

I think he might be a danger to himself.

The sooner you can get here, the better.

It's definitely bad.

Just one second on that address.

Hello? Michael?

Who is this, and why do you keep calling me?

It-- it's Ben. Ben Baur?

That isn't funny. Ben Bauer died five years ago.

What?

I'm just fucking with you.

What's up, Ben?

I've, uh...

I've been trying to get a hold of you

because I have a question about There's a Zombie Outside.

That old thing? What, are we supposed to do

a podcast or something I forgot about?

Uh, no, no.

I just, um...

I just need to know why you did it.

Why did you make the zombie?

Why did I make a movie about a frustrated writer

who feels he didn't reach his potential

grappling with his own personal monster?

Can't imagine what inspired that.

That's not really what I meant.

But it's the answer.

Not that the nuance really helped our cause.

Turns out critics get weird when you make a zombie movie

with only one zombie.

And why did I...

You know, with the zombie?

I thought we talked about all of this when we made the film.

Uh, can you tell me again?

It's...

It's for research.

Okay, uh, sure.

I guess the zombie sex was symbolic of how we all

inevitably embrace destruction?

Or maybe it's because someone told me that

the only way we'd get into a gay festival

was if there was a sex scene in the movie

and I decided to be an asshole about it.

I don't know. Probably the first one, though.

But what if it's the other way around?

What if...

What if destruction embraces us?

Good question.

I think it's still all a matter of choice.

Nature really doesn't deal in monsters.

Only people do.

Huh.

Was that all you wanted to know?

I don't know.

Can I see you?

Oh, I'd love that, but I'm not in town.

I'm in Utah making one of those TV Christmas movies

for the next few months.

Things we do for art, you know?

Can I ask you one more question?

Shoot.

How do you know how to end a horror story?

Oh, that's broad.

I guess it depends on where it began.

Thanks.

I mean, there's probably...

Where it began.

It's probably nothing.

She sounded pretty adamant.

But there's a chance this guy could be headed up here, so...

Just keep your eyes open.

Over and out.

Roger that. Not like I have anything better to do.

Hollywood weirdos.

Of course it had to be here.

They saw me.

I let the zombie inside.

Dispatch.

Found an abandoned car up here,

but checked out the old Jones place.

No signs of forced entry, and honestly, there's nobody here.

Cut! Okay, that was awesome.