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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:18,118 Thanks. 2 00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:22,823 ♪Organ plays wedding music♪ 3 00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,729 You may kiss the bride. 4 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,565 Take it on vacations, 5 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,300 - family parties... - Whoa. 6 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:34,301 Is it on? 7 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:35,903 - Can you see me? - Huh? 8 00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,238 How do I look? 9 00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:39,306 Mom, you look great. 10 00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:41,742 What's so funny? 11 00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:43,143 Nothing. 12 00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:44,544 Hey, careful, Ralphie. 13 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:45,512 That's not a toy. 14 00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:46,847 - I paid a lot of money for that. - Yeah, I know, I kn-- 15 00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:49,116 Ralph. 16 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:50,951 Did you put a tape in that? 17 00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:53,153 - Yeah. - Which tape? 18 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:55,722 I found one underneath the entertainment center. 19 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,790 Was it blank? 20 00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:57,891 I- I think s-- 21 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,535 Hello and Merry Christmas. 22 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:11,471 Operation Just Cause enters its fifth day-- 23 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,073 It says here... 24 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,909 we can record straight from the TV. 25 00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:18,045 - Hey, Ralphie. - Huh? 26 00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,279 Grab this cord 27 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,415 and plug into the back of the camera. 28 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,283 - Uh, right here? - Yup. 29 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:25,719 There you go. 30 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:28,555 ...troops have been playing music at loud volumes 31 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,257 outside the embassy, in an attempt 32 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,125 to force Noriega to surrender. 33 00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:34,594 The opera-loving dictator has been forced to listen-- 34 00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,663 10 of the same! 35 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:37,864 ♪Jaunty music♪ 36 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,536 What's wrong here, partner? 37 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:46,206 Kindly the Cowboy, I got this big ol' problem. 38 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:46,606 Hm? 39 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,241 This bully at school keeps fighting-- 40 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:53,080 ...Black Sabbath, and songs chosen for their ironic titles, 41 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,482 - such as "No More--" - Pretty cool, huh, Ralphie? 42 00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,417 You can record all your favorite shows. 43 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,988 Stop it! 44 00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,160 Hi there, my name-- 45 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:12,366 my name is Ralph, and I just got this camera. 46 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:14,267 It can zoom in... 47 00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:15,902 it can zoom out, 48 00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:16,937 in, out. 49 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,439 It can zoom out, in, out, in, out. 50 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,176 Toothbrush. 51 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:42,796 Hi, grandma. 52 00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,932 So I'm gonna prank my mom with this. 53 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,804 Sh-sh-shh, be cool, be cool. 54 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:56,910 Got you! 55 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,145 Ralphie! 56 00:02:58,478 --> 00:02:59,780 Are you filming this? 57 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:00,580 Cool. 58 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:03,617 Ha-ha-ha-ha. 59 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,551 Go outside and play. 60 00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:06,319 - It's a beautiful morning. - Aww... 61 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:07,320 You shouldn't be filming everyth-- 62 00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:12,993 I could get hurt. 63 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,194 This thing is huge. 64 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,829 Just light it and run away! 65 00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,597 That's what adults do. 66 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,434 I can't. 67 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:21,601 Ugh. 68 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,203 Oh, come on. 69 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:31,912 Okay. 70 00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:33,480 'Kay, I'm gonna do it. 71 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,381 Are you recording? 72 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,383 I don't think so. 73 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,617 What button do I press? 74 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,853 You press the button-- the-- the red one. 75 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,021 Oh, cool. 76 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,522 That was amazing! 77 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,492 Meteor! 78 00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:46,927 Meteor! 79 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,895 - Yeah! - Yeah, that was killer, man. 80 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,064 - Ow, mother--! - Don't touch it! 81 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,267 Arg! 82 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,272 All right, so this is my best friend Josh, 83 00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:01,708 and we're super best pals. 84 00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:03,510 Want to say hi, Josh? 85 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,213 Classic Josh. 86 00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:08,949 Bless you. 87 00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,218 Bless you again. 88 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,018 Thanks. 89 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:12,853 Wait, wait, wait. 90 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,654 So you're telling me you can wa-- you can record 91 00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:16,156 late-night TV with this stuff 92 00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,924 and watch it in your room later? 93 00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,193 That's so cool. 94 00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:23,163 ♪Soft music playing from TV♪ 95 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,232 All you have to do is just plug-- 96 00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:29,102 ♪soft music♪ 97 00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:32,072 And welcome back to 'Painting with Joan.' 98 00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:35,542 We're just having a lot of fun today on our canvases today. 99 00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:38,044 Our experiences and our imagination 100 00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:39,146 are working together 101 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,648 to create something really inspiring. 102 00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,016 I'm glad you're here. 103 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,052 So why don't we go ahead and cheer up these mountains? 104 00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:47,554 What do you say? 105 00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:50,323 So we're gonna want to take our palettes 106 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:53,193 and find a lively, earthy brown. 107 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,930 Mix them all together. 108 00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:58,932 I just love mixing. 109 00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:00,500 Do you? 110 00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:05,172 ♪♪♪ 111 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,810 Now, we're gonna grab our two-inch brush. 112 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:14,047 If you don't have one, one-and-a-half is fine. 113 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,819 - And we're just gonna-- - Cheryl, nine years ago, 114 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:19,753 you stole my heart. 115 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,588 Seven years ago, you made me single again. 116 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:22,455 You broke my heart. 117 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:23,657 - Oh, well... - I'm in love again 118 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,292 and I'm in love with this. 119 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,326 What-- what are we talking-- 120 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,627 what is-- what can I do with this pen? 121 00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:28,628 Oh, you can do-- 122 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,831 ...budget for the Department of Defense-- 123 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,099 Gina, thank you so much for bringing this beautiful-- 124 00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:33,700 'Night, honey! 125 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,202 I'll only be a few minutes. 126 00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,003 Goodnight, Mom. 127 00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,407 Don't be gone long. 128 00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:42,843 I have a bad feeling. 129 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,644 ♪Suspenseful music♪ 130 00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,680 Time to steal. 131 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,448 Shoot! 132 00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,383 They got Umbrose Security Systems! 133 00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:52,152 You think you're safe? 134 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,453 You're not. 135 00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:56,723 ♪♪♪ 136 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,730 Hey, little girl. 137 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,933 ♪Dramatic music♪ 138 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,069 Milton and 5th, code red. 139 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,405 I'm Mr. Nightmare. 140 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:13,907 Freeze! 141 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:14,874 Umbrose Security! 142 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,209 You guys got here fast! 143 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,853 Thanks, Umbrose Security. 144 00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,888 I'll sleep easy tonight. 145 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:31,992 Got him. 146 00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,761 I'm having a lot of fun. 147 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:41,334 Now, we're gonna grab a little frost white, 148 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,236 give our mountains a little hat. 149 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,471 Snow! 150 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:51,678 And we're just gonna go in and give little strokes, 151 00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,247 just kiss the canvas. 152 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,448 Not with your mouth. 153 00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:56,983 Don't ever kiss the canvas with your mouth. 154 00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,518 These paints are toxic. 155 00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:00,854 Kiss it with your brush. 156 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:02,622 Beautiful. 157 00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:03,690 And there you go. 158 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,225 Beautiful mountain. 159 00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:07,527 Now, let's get back to the spaceship. 160 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,131 You can see, obviously by the design, 161 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,533 that it's from the Zenin galaxy. 162 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:16,369 They're a peaceful and prosperous civilization 163 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,038 who've had the benefit of female leadership 164 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,773 for the last 5,000 years. 165 00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:23,143 When I see these beauties go by in the sky 166 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,412 and I say, "Hey, you!"... 167 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,448 they never stop. 168 00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:33,887 Now, let's get back to the main subject 169 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,156 Dennis Rodman. 170 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:40,627 Remember, every brushstroke is a sentence in a story, 171 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,996 and in this story, I'm dunking on Dennis 172 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,699 harder than I've dunked on anyone in the 23 years 173 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,100 that I've been alive. 174 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:51,037 I'm grabbing onto his beautiful green hair, 175 00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:54,240 his sweaty neck sliding in-between 176 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,943 my dark, green courduroys. 177 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,879 We smash the board with our ecstasy. 178 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,748 There's moisture. 179 00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:03,483 Some of it isn't sweat. 180 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,454 So, we're just gonna take our brush, 181 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,323 and we're gonna soften the edges. 182 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,860 Downward strokes. 183 00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:16,196 Just like that. 184 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,499 Very careful, it's a tricky area. 185 00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:23,002 ...to kind of balance the-- the muzzle of the gun 186 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,337 while they shot skeet. 187 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,273 ...all can be yours, 79.95! 188 00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:28,875 I know you-- you're thinking "Hey, that feels like a lot," 189 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,744 but also, this is the pen that I'm gonna give 190 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:33,380 to my son, and my son's gonna give to his son, 191 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,981 and on and on and on. 192 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,283 I don't wanna get choked up right now, 193 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:38,418 but I-- I just might. 194 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,286 I just might get choked up about this. 195 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:40,920 We're k-- 196 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,021 we don't have children. 197 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:42,455 - We-- - But-- 198 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:47,127 When a kooky geneticist lost his only son, Zach... 199 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,362 ♪jaunty music♪ 200 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:53,166 he broke the laws of nature to bring him back. 201 00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,868 ♪♪♪ 202 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:55,969 He cloned him! 203 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,606 But someone got carried away. 204 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,775 Now, there's... 205 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,443 10 of the same! 206 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:06,312 ♪♪♪ 207 00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,883 Three are just a little different. 208 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:13,319 ♪♪♪ 209 00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,931 New Zach 3... 210 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,065 What's up, Pops? 211 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:29,302 Did you leave... this shirt on the front lawn? 212 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,737 Dad... 213 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,305 New Zach 2 is messing with you. 214 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:35,008 I'm New Zach 3. 215 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,477 Did you leave this shirt on the front lawn? 216 00:09:37,477 --> 00:09:38,411 Dad... 217 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,346 New Zach 7 is messing with you. 218 00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:42,615 I'm actually New Zach 3. 219 00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:44,284 Duh! 220 00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:49,389 Did you leave this shirt on the front lawn? 221 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,857 That's not one of mine. 222 00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:53,093 I think it's one of New Zach's. 223 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,328 Which one? 224 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:02,235 And I thought being a scientist was hard. 225 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:05,238 I should've cloned a bigger house. 226 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:07,540 Dad, can I have some money to go shopping 227 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,008 at the mall? 228 00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:11,511 And a bigger wallet. 229 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:19,352 ...as the Peace Dividend, a surplus of Treasury-- 230 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,821 And because King Corperation is the only 231 00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:23,523 potato manufacturer in the realm-- 232 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,759 - ...funding-- - ..some red dying in there. 233 00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:30,697 That staining, um, actually is blood. 234 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:34,400 This was a receptacle for hearts. 235 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,504 They would put the heart inside of here 236 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:40,306 when they would try to revive a person 237 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,509 by, uh, giving them a heart transplant. 238 00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:43,943 Of course, this never worked. 239 00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,812 It was always a last-ditch effort. 240 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:49,115 They originally used coffee tins 241 00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:52,452 and the hearts were, you know, dying and-- 242 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,455 and everyone would die during these procedures. 243 00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,223 And so they thought, "Maybe let's go 244 00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:58,591 a little more ornate. 245 00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:01,761 Maybe if it was a ornate bowl, 246 00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:03,696 the heart would, you know, have a little more 247 00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:05,365 energy to it." 248 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,866 We know that not to be the case, 249 00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,668 and they soon found out too, 250 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:12,872 because everyone died, um, on the operating table. 251 00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:14,841 They did have one more version of-- 252 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,109 - It's really fantastic. - It really is. 253 00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:16,943 It could do anything. 254 00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:17,944 It's unbelie-- well, it can do-- 255 00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,512 it can do literally anything that a pen can do. 256 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,313 - Yes, yes, it can. - That's fantastic. 257 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,014 - That's true. - And the weight, again, 258 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:21,814 - is magnificent. - Yeah. 259 00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:23,016 And on the other side, it commemorates 260 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,684 some of the great, great figures 261 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,052 of the Confederacy, but, uh, 262 00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:27,787 you don't have to use that side if you don't want to. 263 00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:29,622 - No-- - This one probably had 264 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:33,359 100 to 200, uh, Victorian-era, uh, 265 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,762 hearts of dead people in it. 266 00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:38,331 So back in those days, they was trying heart plants-- 267 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,366 - transplants? - They-- they did. 268 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:44,137 Uh, um, they were very naive about medical, 269 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,471 um... 270 00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:46,839 I'm actually... 271 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:50,810 Oh, do you kn-- do-- 272 00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:52,412 I think this is a bowl. 273 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,481 Yeah, I- I do-- I think it is a bowl. 274 00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:57,016 Um, sorry. 275 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:59,552 ♪Cheerful music♪ 276 00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,487 - ...buy and sell-- - Start your life-- 277 00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:02,822 ♪classical music♪ 278 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,524 ♪hard rock music♪ 279 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:05,858 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 280 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:07,961 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 281 00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:10,563 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 282 00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:12,832 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 283 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:15,234 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 284 00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:17,604 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 285 00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:19,973 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 286 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:22,842 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 287 00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,078 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 288 00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,380 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 289 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:29,816 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 290 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:35,555 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 291 00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:39,525 ♪Ass fuck!♪ 292 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,463 ♪Fuck you!♪ 293 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,332 ♪Fuck her!♪ 294 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,735 ♪Fuck the government!♪ 295 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:54,707 ♪harsh feedback♪ 296 00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:02,915 Fuck yes! 297 00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:04,083 Language 298 00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:06,853 Wow. 299 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:11,024 - Whoa! - Wow, that was interesting. 300 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,193 All these-- all these instruments here, 301 00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:16,396 they're all being played at the same time? 302 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,897 Dad, please, don't embarrass me. 303 00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:18,965 I don't-- I don't know-- 304 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,167 I don't know how you remember all those lyrics. 305 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,835 - I was actually gonna say that. - It's amazing! 306 00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:25,571 Um, uh, uh, uh, Jim, 307 00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:28,641 we already met you from the Phlegmbats, uh, 308 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,643 but we have yet to meet the other two. 309 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,079 Uh, maybe you guys would like to perhaps, uh, 310 00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,580 introduce yourselves. 311 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:36,616 Peter V. 312 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:37,850 And-- and you are? 313 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,352 Paco. 314 00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:42,188 Cool, uh, you heard it here first! 315 00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:45,058 Their song, "Ass Fuck 666," 316 00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:48,628 off their new sophomore album on cassette, 317 00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:52,098 The Phlegmbats' self-titled, uh, Phle-- The Phlegmbats. 318 00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:53,800 You could get that just about anywhere 319 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,569 that they sell, uh, cassette tapes, so, yeah. 320 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,104 H- How do you, uh, boys-- 321 00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,739 h- how-- I'm sorry. 322 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:02,175 How do you boys come up with your lyrics? 323 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:05,011 Her forthcoming novel, VHS Comatose, 324 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,413 explores the compulsive pathology 325 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,748 of an entire generation 326 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,950 of home video camera owners. 327 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,086 Rita Sternwick, thank you for joining us. 328 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,554 It's my pleasure, Todd. 329 00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:17,290 And you make the case that excessive filming and recording 330 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:20,927 may lead to isolation, lack of sexual desire, 331 00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:23,096 headaches and, in rare instances, 332 00:14:23,096 --> 00:14:26,833 - a complete psychotic break. - Mm-hm. 333 00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,802 Now, I understand that hyperbolic statements 334 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,405 sell books, but don't you think this fear 335 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,041 - is a tad bit overblown? - I don't. 336 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,577 I've been studying VHS culture for years. 337 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,779 It's become my life's work. 338 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,347 I've found 339 00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:44,851 that most VHS owners are exhibiting a condition 340 00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:47,086 that psychiatric professionals are calling 341 00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:49,622 - "tape narcissism." - "Tape narcissism?" 342 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:52,558 Yes, it's a pattern of collecting and recording 343 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,361 your experiences on VHS 344 00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:59,098 that eventually alters the foundation of your reality. 345 00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:01,768 So you're telling me by bringing a camera 346 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:04,737 to my son's baseball game, it will, um... 347 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,906 - alter my reality? - Yes. 348 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,809 At first, your perceived reality, 349 00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:11,778 then reality itself. 350 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:21,320 I believe the home VHS camcorder 351 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:24,490 is the beginning of something very frightening. 352 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,160 One day, we all could have mini VHS cameras 353 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,494 in our pockets. 354 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,731 Or built into the very fabric of our t-shirts. 355 00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:35,434 One day, the real world will exist to be filmed. 356 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:40,006 People will die filming themselves falling off cliffs. 357 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:44,143 The birthrate will seemingly increase 358 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,412 and then collapse completely. 359 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:50,016 Nations will elect celebrities into political office. 360 00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:52,952 The whole world will go hungry 361 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,787 as farmers ignore their crops 362 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,756 while they're filming their cows. 363 00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,391 I believe 364 00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,928 this is the beginning of the fall of mankind. 365 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:05,832 Mankind? 366 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:08,734 ♪Dramatic music♪ 367 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:09,669 Up next-- 368 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,753 Every time we go out, 369 00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:29,188 you have a problem! 370 00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:31,123 This is happen to me. 371 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,225 Do you know what you are? 372 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,226 You are a-- 373 00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:34,994 with me! 374 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:39,732 - You are an absolute--! - ♪Cheerful wedding music♪ 375 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,173 - Say cheese! - Cheese! 376 00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:50,509 One more time, big smile! 377 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,377 Here we go! 378 00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:53,679 ♪♪♪ 379 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,122 Hey, I'm Ralph and I'm about to make 380 00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:05,858 the best video mixtape ever! 381 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,628 ♪"Ass Fuck 666" by The Phlegmbats♪ 382 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,466 ♪Drink beer, drink my piss♪ ♪Fuck you♪ 383 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:14,700 ♪Ass fuck♪ 384 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:16,936 - ♪Ass fuck♪ - Ass fuck! 385 00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:19,505 ♪Ass fuck♪ 386 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:21,307 - ♪Ass fuck♪ - Ralphie! 387 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,175 Turn... down... the mu--! 388 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,905 The death of a watermelon. 389 00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,109 Whoo! 390 00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,808 This is the greatest fight in the history of fights. 391 00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:32,011 Roar, I'm a brontosaurus! 392 00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,180 I've been extinct for... 393 00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:36,949 many years, and you cannot kill me! 394 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,384 You forgot about me. 395 00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:42,021 I'm your cousin, brontonaurus! 396 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,089 Whoa! 397 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:43,889 What? 398 00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:46,158 Bahh! 399 00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:48,761 No more! 400 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,030 No more dinosaurs! 401 00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,132 No more dinosaurs! 402 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,400 You forgot about me, 403 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,435 - the ju-- - Ralph. 404 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:58,304 - Yeah? - What's goin' on, buddy? 405 00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,939 I'm just playing with my toys. 406 00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:02,575 All right, well, your mom and I are gonna head out. 407 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:03,576 Okay. 408 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:04,710 There's some pizza in the fridge. 409 00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,013 If you get hungry, you can warm it up in the new microwave. 410 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,881 - Okay. - All right, bedtime's 11. 411 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:09,682 I know. 412 00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:11,984 No late-night TV, Ralph. 413 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:12,852 Okay. 414 00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:20,259 Josh in the house! 415 00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:21,360 Oh, wait. 416 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,461 Now I'm in the house. 417 00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:25,698 ...San Fernando Valley in the year 1982. 418 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,968 'Hot Winter' was one of the first films in American cinema 419 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:31,904 to address one of today's most important issues: 420 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,706 global warming. 421 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,675 Some of the scenes in tonight's film are intense 422 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:38,644 and suggestive in nature. 423 00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,479 These scenes have been shortened or edited 424 00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:41,847 from the film. 425 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:45,785 We are proud to present to you the 1982 classic, 426 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:49,221 one of my favorite films, 'Hot Winter,' 427 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,691 a film by Dick Pierre. 428 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,326 ♪Piano music♪ 429 00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:58,330 ♪funky music♪ 430 00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,667 I can't believe you're the world's 431 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,936 leading climate scientist 432 00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:06,472 and a successful bodybuilder. 433 00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:08,707 Dr. Manly, 434 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:11,510 is there anything you can't do? 435 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,286 I think I just cured the common cold in an equation. 436 00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:21,554 Who's done that? 437 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,122 All of this, 438 00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:25,691 and without breaking a sweat? 439 00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:28,360 And it's so hot today. 440 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,730 I'm sweating. 441 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,064 It is... 442 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,566 very hot. 443 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,334 And it's winter. 444 00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:36,902 It's winter... 445 00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,871 and it's hot. 446 00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:40,372 It's a... 447 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,608 hot winter. 448 00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:45,244 A hot winter? 449 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,446 That's so strange. 450 00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:50,049 Aren't winters supposed to be cold? 451 00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:51,851 Maybe I should... 452 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,220 take this off. 453 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:58,057 ♪Porny music♪ 454 00:20:58,357 --> 00:21:00,793 ♪piano music♪ 455 00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:03,896 I also read an article just yesterday 456 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:06,732 by award-winning novelist Dr. Manly and it said 457 00:21:06,732 --> 00:21:08,701 that this warmer winter will eventually lead 458 00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:11,170 to the melting of the Arctic ice caps and then, 459 00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:13,005 we're in trouble, big trouble, 460 00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:14,140 and he's calling it... 461 00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:16,375 "global warming." 462 00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:19,245 Ms. Frost, this sounds serious. 463 00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:21,180 What about the polar bears who live there? 464 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,482 If the ice caps melt, will they die? 465 00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,751 We don't need polar bears! 466 00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:28,954 We certainly don't need Dr. Manly's opinions. 467 00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:33,559 At Oil Corp, we have our own scientists who will say and do 468 00:21:33,559 --> 00:21:36,028 whatever we want. 469 00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,463 Scientists! 470 00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:41,133 Hello. 471 00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:43,836 Do you have a question about... 472 00:21:44,403 --> 00:21:45,504 science? 473 00:21:45,504 --> 00:21:47,406 You are cute. 474 00:21:47,406 --> 00:21:49,775 I've never met a scientist before. 475 00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:52,845 My friends are scientists as well. 476 00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:54,313 ♪Porny music♪ 477 00:21:57,016 --> 00:21:58,951 I'm a scientist. 478 00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:02,288 I'm a scientist. 479 00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:06,492 Scientists, show the intern your data. 480 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,862 Because of an increased global temperature, 481 00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:11,597 water supplies will become scarce 482 00:22:11,597 --> 00:22:13,566 and endanger human beings. 483 00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:15,601 Wow, sounds scary! 484 00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:17,269 We also probably need to save water in case 485 00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:19,271 we need to fight forest fires! 486 00:22:20,573 --> 00:22:22,141 Who's that knocking at the door? 487 00:22:22,141 --> 00:22:23,909 Oh, that's Rico. 488 00:22:23,909 --> 00:22:25,578 He's hot. 489 00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:26,812 Let's have a threesome! 490 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:31,483 - Hey, Rico. - Hey, girls. 491 00:22:31,517 --> 00:22:33,319 Wood delivery for ya. 492 00:22:33,319 --> 00:22:35,654 - Thanks, Rico. - Thanks. 493 00:22:35,654 --> 00:22:36,689 Yeah. 494 00:22:36,922 --> 00:22:37,856 H- Hey ladies, 495 00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:39,491 what are you doing here right now, 496 00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:41,427 it being such a hot winter? 497 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:44,864 There's more chances of a forest fire in a hot winter 498 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,433 than if it was a cold winter. 499 00:22:48,434 --> 00:22:50,336 How's football season, Rico? 500 00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:52,938 Football season's well. 501 00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:55,808 I scored seven touchdowns yesterday. 502 00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:58,010 - Wow, that's a lot. - Yeah. 503 00:22:58,010 --> 00:23:00,512 And I also hurt my elbow, though. 504 00:23:00,512 --> 00:23:02,214 - Oh no! - That looks bad! 505 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:03,215 I know. 506 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:06,051 The doctor said they might have to... 507 00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,320 amputate my elbow. 508 00:23:10,122 --> 00:23:11,790 Aw, thanks, girls. 509 00:23:12,558 --> 00:23:14,827 Feels much better now. 510 00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:16,729 That's... 511 00:23:16,729 --> 00:23:17,997 hot. 512 00:23:18,497 --> 00:23:21,433 - I like that. - Where else does it hurt, Rico? 513 00:23:22,268 --> 00:23:23,936 We'll be right back. 514 00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:26,238 ♪Piano music♪ 515 00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,775 I'm having a really good time. 516 00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:31,343 This is so much fun. 517 00:23:31,443 --> 00:23:34,446 Despite the protests, the museum went ahead with the opening 518 00:23:34,446 --> 00:23:36,615 of photographer Robert Mapplethorpe's 519 00:23:36,615 --> 00:23:38,317 "The Perfect Moment." 520 00:23:38,317 --> 00:23:39,718 - Yah! - Don't shoot. 521 00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:43,555 Did you know that 42 people have more wealth 522 00:23:43,555 --> 00:23:47,226 than the poorest 3.7 billion combined? 523 00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:48,627 - What? - Yeah! 524 00:23:48,627 --> 00:23:50,963 Get ready to blast-off... those pounds. 525 00:23:50,963 --> 00:23:51,697 Whoo! 526 00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:52,665 Ha-ha! 527 00:23:52,665 --> 00:23:54,366 Yeah! 528 00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:55,601 Burn! 529 00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:56,969 Yeah! Ha-ha! 530 00:23:56,969 --> 00:23:59,805 - Let's get loose. - Let's go, guys! 531 00:23:59,805 --> 00:24:01,006 Go over to those thermostats 532 00:24:01,006 --> 00:24:03,442 and crank those babies way up. 533 00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:06,245 The room we're filming in right now is 92 degrees! 534 00:24:06,245 --> 00:24:07,746 Remember, the hotter the room, 535 00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:09,782 the bigger the blast-off. 536 00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:12,017 Those pounds will fall right off. 537 00:24:12,017 --> 00:24:13,919 ♪Energetic music♪ 538 00:24:13,919 --> 00:24:16,989 Introducing the Soundwall 2000. 539 00:24:16,989 --> 00:24:21,360 Simply bring the Soundwall 2000 into the bathroom with you. 540 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,096 ♪Jazzy music♪ 541 00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:28,467 No more stressful trips to the bathroom, 542 00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:31,570 no more wondering if she heard you pee on the floor. 543 00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:35,708 And let the romance begin. 544 00:24:35,708 --> 00:24:37,810 ♪♪♪ 545 00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:39,578 Wow, what a kiss. 546 00:24:39,578 --> 00:24:42,815 - Thanks-- - ♪dramatic music♪ 547 00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:45,050 You know the guy we found murdered on 3rd Avenue? 548 00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:46,952 This is the last will and testament 549 00:24:46,952 --> 00:24:48,787 of Sir Roger Handley V. 550 00:24:48,787 --> 00:24:51,190 He left his last will and testament. 551 00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:53,826 He also outlined how he would get his revenge. 552 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:56,462 A series of events that, with your help, 553 00:24:56,462 --> 00:24:58,630 will avenge my terrible death 554 00:24:58,630 --> 00:25:01,934 and bring this cretinous fool to justice. 555 00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:06,438 We're getting close. 556 00:25:06,438 --> 00:25:08,207 - I can feel it. - However, 557 00:25:08,207 --> 00:25:11,610 if I was not murdered by Lady Margaret and Count Giovanni 558 00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:13,779 and you know this as fact, 559 00:25:13,779 --> 00:25:17,149 please fast-forward past my elaborate plan for revenge 560 00:25:17,149 --> 00:25:19,084 to the section where I am holding up 561 00:25:19,084 --> 00:25:22,121 this red piece of paper. 562 00:25:22,121 --> 00:25:26,158 Please, understand-- 563 00:25:35,334 --> 00:25:36,935 ♪dramatic music♪ 564 00:25:36,935 --> 00:25:38,170 We're getting close. 565 00:25:38,170 --> 00:25:39,938 I can taste it! 566 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:46,879 This Handley was quite the character. 567 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:53,051 We're getting close. 568 00:25:53,051 --> 00:25:55,387 We're getting really close. 569 00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:57,823 It's a chair. 570 00:25:57,823 --> 00:26:00,225 I mean, I- I don't know quite what you want me to say. 571 00:26:00,225 --> 00:26:01,360 It's not even that old. 572 00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:02,995 And these are magnificent. 573 00:26:02,995 --> 00:26:04,730 Take a look at these baggies right here. 574 00:26:04,730 --> 00:26:07,366 - I'm lookin' at 'em. - Now, that is a 100 % polythene. 575 00:26:07,366 --> 00:26:09,768 - Wow. - It's made in Taiwan. 576 00:26:09,768 --> 00:26:11,236 - No! - Wow, the Republic of Taiwan. 577 00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:14,373 - Yes. - And, it features this open 578 00:26:14,373 --> 00:26:16,608 - and reseal tech-- - Oh, wow! 579 00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:17,743 That you've been hearing so much about. 580 00:26:17,743 --> 00:26:18,343 Look at that. 581 00:26:18,343 --> 00:26:19,278 - Tell me, Tony. - Mm-hm? 582 00:26:19,278 --> 00:26:20,813 What kinds of things can you put 583 00:26:20,813 --> 00:26:22,047 in these little baggies anyway? 584 00:26:22,047 --> 00:26:22,981 Oh my gosh, absolutely anything. 585 00:26:22,981 --> 00:26:24,616 For example, I'm talking about, uh, tiny little screws. 586 00:26:24,616 --> 00:26:25,717 Earrings. 587 00:26:25,717 --> 00:26:26,618 - Yes. - You know what is one thing 588 00:26:26,618 --> 00:26:27,853 that I like to put in them, Cheryl? 589 00:26:27,853 --> 00:26:28,387 Tell me. 590 00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:29,988 - Sugar. - Oh. 591 00:26:29,988 --> 00:26:31,223 I like to put sugar in 'em. 592 00:26:31,223 --> 00:26:33,025 I ge-- I get my morning cup o' Joe-- 593 00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:35,294 - Yes, he does. - And I want just the exact 594 00:26:35,294 --> 00:26:36,295 amount of sugar-- 595 00:26:36,295 --> 00:26:38,397 ...privatize prisons in America. 596 00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:40,666 Some believe that by owning a prison, 597 00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:42,568 a company might have more incentive 598 00:26:42,568 --> 00:26:44,436 to give money to politicians 599 00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:46,905 who favor stricter laws to increase-- 600 00:26:46,905 --> 00:26:47,673 Whoo! 601 00:26:48,507 --> 00:26:49,475 Hey! 602 00:26:49,775 --> 00:26:50,876 - All right! - Hah! 603 00:26:51,810 --> 00:26:52,845 Kickin' it! 604 00:26:53,312 --> 00:26:54,146 Feelin' it! 605 00:26:55,714 --> 00:26:57,082 Whoo! Whoo! 606 00:26:58,150 --> 00:26:59,451 Activate that whole body! 607 00:26:59,451 --> 00:27:03,088 ♪Energetic music♪ 608 00:27:05,090 --> 00:27:06,625 Again! 609 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:08,594 Right, left, right, hah! 610 00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:10,329 Blastin' off! 611 00:27:10,829 --> 00:27:11,663 Whoo! 612 00:27:12,331 --> 00:27:13,198 Whoo! 613 00:27:13,565 --> 00:27:15,467 - You got it! - Ha-ha, you got it! 614 00:27:17,402 --> 00:27:18,237 Kick! 615 00:27:19,104 --> 00:27:20,105 That's it! 616 00:27:20,105 --> 00:27:22,407 ♪♪♪ 617 00:27:28,547 --> 00:27:29,648 ...a family of zebras over here. 618 00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:30,849 Oh that's-- 619 00:27:30,849 --> 00:27:32,017 - That's amazing. - Do they neigh? 620 00:27:32,017 --> 00:27:34,653 And then, um, take me to your leaders. 621 00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:35,954 - Oh. - And then, uh, I've got 622 00:27:35,954 --> 00:27:37,189 kids on the-- kids on the playground, 623 00:27:37,189 --> 00:27:38,123 - having a time. - Yes. 624 00:27:38,123 --> 00:27:40,125 The coating system alone, who figured this out? 625 00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:41,393 I-- I couldn't-- I couldn't have thought of this. 626 00:27:41,393 --> 00:27:42,494 - I c-- you do-- - You've known me 627 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:43,228 - for a long time. - You've never thought 628 00:27:43,228 --> 00:27:44,830 of anything. 629 00:27:45,063 --> 00:27:48,300 ♪Dark soft music♪ 630 00:27:50,369 --> 00:27:52,204 I was the MC that night. 631 00:27:52,204 --> 00:27:55,741 - Hello, everyone! - I introduced the girls and... 632 00:27:56,475 --> 00:27:57,910 told some jokes. 633 00:27:57,910 --> 00:27:59,878 ♪♪♪ 634 00:27:59,878 --> 00:28:02,447 Sisters were supposed to show of their talents, so... 635 00:28:02,447 --> 00:28:04,816 First up... we have... 636 00:28:04,816 --> 00:28:06,018 Laura! 637 00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:07,619 Now, get on up here! 638 00:28:09,454 --> 00:28:14,192 ♪♪♪ 639 00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:18,196 My talent was to play the piano, 640 00:28:18,897 --> 00:28:20,699 so I played the piano. 641 00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:24,403 ♪♪♪ 642 00:28:28,173 --> 00:28:30,275 It was all just really supposed to be fun. 643 00:28:32,144 --> 00:28:33,579 It was all supposed to be fun 644 00:28:33,579 --> 00:28:35,981 at the Beta Z semi-formal. 645 00:28:35,981 --> 00:28:39,184 Girls were drinking, getting to know each other, 646 00:28:39,184 --> 00:28:42,688 until Rachel Drexler, a sophomore from Tennessee, 647 00:28:42,688 --> 00:28:45,557 got up to do her talent. 648 00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:47,726 I didn't really know Rachel. 649 00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:50,095 At first, she seemed like a really nice girl. 650 00:28:51,630 --> 00:28:53,966 But the more you talked to her, 651 00:28:55,067 --> 00:28:58,570 the more you felt like "Whoa, something's weird here." 652 00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:06,511 ♪Jazzy music♪ 653 00:29:07,713 --> 00:29:08,680 Ow! 654 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,283 Are pesky back pains ruining your life? 655 00:29:12,684 --> 00:29:15,621 Guess I can't organize my husband's birthday party. 656 00:29:15,621 --> 00:29:16,955 Shoot! 657 00:29:16,955 --> 00:29:18,457 Are you missing important calls 658 00:29:18,457 --> 00:29:19,758 because of your elbow pain? 659 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,159 Ow! 660 00:29:21,159 --> 00:29:22,561 Oh no, 661 00:29:22,561 --> 00:29:24,463 that was the President! 662 00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:25,664 - Hey, Ricky. - Hey! 663 00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:27,499 Ah! 664 00:29:27,866 --> 00:29:29,935 Are sudden knee pains making you 665 00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:31,203 clinically depressed? 666 00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:32,804 Ow! 667 00:29:33,405 --> 00:29:35,140 Uh oh, that's no fun. 668 00:29:35,140 --> 00:29:37,676 Why don't you try Flexi Cream? 669 00:29:37,676 --> 00:29:39,645 Flexi Cream! 670 00:29:39,645 --> 00:29:41,113 Thanks, Tracy Beth. 671 00:29:41,847 --> 00:29:45,083 For only 14.99, obtain freakish flexibility 672 00:29:45,083 --> 00:29:46,952 you've only dreamed of. 673 00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:48,920 Just apply a quick layer of Flexi Cream 674 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,690 in a circular motion on your elbows or hurt area. 675 00:29:51,690 --> 00:29:53,325 And... voila! 676 00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:57,496 Flexibility you have to see to believe. 677 00:29:59,064 --> 00:29:59,998 Hello? 678 00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:02,401 Thanks, Flexi Cream. 679 00:30:03,001 --> 00:30:05,504 Mr. President, about those wars. 680 00:30:05,504 --> 00:30:09,074 ♪♪♪ 681 00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:11,843 I recommend the following. 682 00:30:11,843 --> 00:30:13,779 You might wanna come closer to your TV, 683 00:30:13,779 --> 00:30:14,980 turn down the volume, 684 00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:17,549 pull out your Hank Frankston scratch pad, 685 00:30:17,549 --> 00:30:19,251 and write these bad boys down. 686 00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:22,554 Betamax-- 687 00:30:22,554 --> 00:30:26,124 ...is really just for super serious bakers. 688 00:30:26,124 --> 00:30:29,561 Let me tell you now about the deluxe packaging solution. 689 00:30:29,561 --> 00:30:30,929 - Yes. - Okay, Cheryl, so 690 00:30:30,929 --> 00:30:34,900 this is really for your serious bakers only. 691 00:30:34,900 --> 00:30:35,500 Now, take a look. 692 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,436 Have you ever seen packaging like this? 693 00:30:37,436 --> 00:30:38,303 No, I have not. 694 00:30:38,303 --> 00:30:40,138 And it's absolutely-- the flour is wrapped in there 695 00:30:40,138 --> 00:30:43,141 nice and tight, it is 100 percent, uh, protected 696 00:30:43,141 --> 00:30:44,976 from the elements, and see this right here? 697 00:30:44,976 --> 00:30:46,044 - Uh-huh. - You've got four pieces. 698 00:30:46,044 --> 00:30:47,746 That's-- that's... 699 00:30:47,746 --> 00:30:49,014 genuine parcel tape. 700 00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:51,483 And correct me if I'm wrong, but can this packaging solution 701 00:30:51,483 --> 00:30:53,251 survive up to 100 feet of water? 702 00:30:53,251 --> 00:30:54,119 Is that correct, Tony? 703 00:30:54,119 --> 00:30:55,120 - Tell me the truth. - Cheryl, and I'm just-- 704 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,155 this is just the science, I'm quoting the scientists. 705 00:30:57,155 --> 00:31:01,059 It is Pacific Ocean tested and approved. 706 00:31:03,762 --> 00:31:05,864 And in just one application, you'll be restored 707 00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:08,200 to the full head of hair you enjoyed as a youth. 708 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,202 Hairs will sprout from your scalp like mushrooms 709 00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:11,236 after a storm. 710 00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:12,738 Fronzly Hair Growth. 711 00:31:12,738 --> 00:31:13,905 You'll get it back. 712 00:31:13,905 --> 00:31:15,173 Side effects may include nausea, growth spurts, 713 00:31:15,173 --> 00:31:16,742 poor decision-making, death, murder, loss of vision, 714 00:31:16,742 --> 00:31:17,843 and illiteracy. 715 00:31:24,116 --> 00:31:25,851 And then, at the talent show... 716 00:31:28,086 --> 00:31:30,989 she did something that, to this day... 717 00:31:32,357 --> 00:31:34,159 I don't fully understand. 718 00:31:34,526 --> 00:31:37,896 And last, but certainly not least... 719 00:31:38,463 --> 00:31:39,698 Rachel! 720 00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:44,636 And then she comes onstage... 721 00:31:45,036 --> 00:31:47,506 with some weird... 722 00:31:47,773 --> 00:31:49,741 freakin' top hat on, right? 723 00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:51,276 Ho! 724 00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:53,545 And then she took out this stick 725 00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:55,046 with a white tip. 726 00:31:55,714 --> 00:31:57,749 Started wavin' it around. 727 00:31:58,083 --> 00:32:01,386 And then this next part, it is so vivid to me, 728 00:32:02,053 --> 00:32:04,189 I remember it like it was yesterday. 729 00:32:04,189 --> 00:32:05,524 And a little... 730 00:32:07,826 --> 00:32:09,227 Hey! 731 00:32:10,061 --> 00:32:12,197 It gives me the chills just thinkin' about it. 732 00:32:13,198 --> 00:32:15,600 People don't do that, people don't have cards... 733 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,002 in their hat. 734 00:32:17,269 --> 00:32:19,738 For my first trick, I'm going to need a volunteer. 735 00:32:20,438 --> 00:32:21,606 Anyone? 736 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,142 Then she said, "I need a volunteer." 737 00:32:26,211 --> 00:32:27,612 "I need a volunteer." 738 00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:29,781 A volunteer. 739 00:32:29,781 --> 00:32:32,984 When you're in your 20s, you feel invincible. 740 00:32:34,219 --> 00:32:36,188 - I'll do it. - Paulina! 741 00:32:36,488 --> 00:32:37,622 Yeah! 742 00:32:38,156 --> 00:32:39,958 Let's give her a hand. 743 00:32:41,693 --> 00:32:44,796 Okay, all I'm gonna need you to do is... 744 00:32:46,198 --> 00:32:47,399 pick a card. 745 00:32:48,834 --> 00:32:50,602 And she says "Pick a card." 746 00:32:51,503 --> 00:32:53,872 - Any card? - Any card. 747 00:32:54,606 --> 00:32:55,774 And I was like... 748 00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:58,944 "Okay, where's this going?" 749 00:32:59,277 --> 00:33:00,846 Now, show the room. 750 00:33:00,846 --> 00:33:04,416 ♪Suspenseful music♪ 751 00:33:04,416 --> 00:33:05,750 Now, I'm not looking. 752 00:33:06,117 --> 00:33:08,820 And when she told Paulina to do all that stuff... 753 00:33:09,855 --> 00:33:11,156 she turned away. 754 00:33:12,891 --> 00:33:14,259 She didn't look at the cards. 755 00:33:15,060 --> 00:33:18,430 She didn't know what card Paulina had picked. 756 00:33:18,430 --> 00:33:21,132 Great, now put it back in the deck. 757 00:33:21,132 --> 00:33:23,735 ♪♪♪ 758 00:33:23,735 --> 00:33:25,804 And with a little bit... 759 00:33:25,804 --> 00:33:27,806 of shuffling... 760 00:33:29,174 --> 00:33:30,542 We're like "Where's the talent? 761 00:33:30,542 --> 00:33:32,677 A lot of people can shuffle." 762 00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:33,979 And... 763 00:33:35,513 --> 00:33:37,682 was this your card? 764 00:33:38,350 --> 00:33:40,318 It's the exact card... 765 00:33:40,318 --> 00:33:43,455 that I had picked out and showed to the audience before. 766 00:33:43,955 --> 00:33:46,091 How did you know what card I picked? 767 00:33:46,091 --> 00:33:47,792 How could she have known? 768 00:33:48,260 --> 00:33:49,628 Have you ever seen a... 769 00:33:50,262 --> 00:33:54,199 magic trick before? 770 00:33:57,168 --> 00:33:58,436 That's when I knew. 771 00:33:59,404 --> 00:34:02,574 When she said that word, "magic." 772 00:34:03,141 --> 00:34:04,809 Are you a witch? 773 00:34:05,844 --> 00:34:07,279 - What? - She's a witch! 774 00:34:07,279 --> 00:34:09,080 They were like, "She's a witch! 775 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,216 She's got the Devil workin' for her! 776 00:34:11,216 --> 00:34:12,284 We should kill her!" 777 00:34:14,019 --> 00:34:15,553 So I stood up. 778 00:34:15,553 --> 00:34:16,855 We can't kill her! 779 00:34:16,855 --> 00:34:19,090 You know, e- even if someone is a witch, 780 00:34:19,090 --> 00:34:20,492 you just can't kill 'em. 781 00:34:20,825 --> 00:34:21,126 You know? 782 00:34:21,126 --> 00:34:23,228 I mean, there's-- there's freakin' laws! 783 00:34:24,195 --> 00:34:27,365 I said, "Somebody fill up the bathtub..." 784 00:34:27,365 --> 00:34:30,068 ...and if she sinks, she's not a witch 785 00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:32,237 but if she floats... 786 00:34:33,371 --> 00:34:34,606 "...she's a witch." 787 00:34:36,374 --> 00:34:39,077 I've been thinkin' about this for years 788 00:34:39,544 --> 00:34:41,513 and there's no way she could've seen that card 789 00:34:41,513 --> 00:34:42,714 that Paulina picked. 790 00:34:42,948 --> 00:34:44,349 You just don't shuffle the top. 791 00:34:44,349 --> 00:34:48,320 It's a-- it's a magic trick. 792 00:34:50,288 --> 00:34:51,923 And that's when I knew. 793 00:34:52,590 --> 00:34:53,925 That... 794 00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:57,829 is exactly what a witch would say. 795 00:34:57,829 --> 00:34:59,831 ♪Eerie music♪ 796 00:35:01,099 --> 00:35:02,801 So we set her on fire 797 00:35:02,801 --> 00:35:05,470 and the sorority house burned down with it. 798 00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:10,275 ♪Dark strings♪ 799 00:35:13,645 --> 00:35:14,713 - ...genuinely bipolar. - Okay. 800 00:35:14,713 --> 00:35:16,815 Well, I wasn't that before I met you. 801 00:35:16,815 --> 00:35:18,717 - Okay. - I'm just saying. 802 00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:19,784 That's called "projection." 803 00:35:19,784 --> 00:35:21,820 When you project your problems onto other people, 804 00:35:21,820 --> 00:35:22,721 - it's called "projection." - Well, I don't know. 805 00:35:22,721 --> 00:35:25,023 I'm not a drunk. 806 00:35:25,256 --> 00:35:27,559 Yeah, at least I can... 807 00:35:27,726 --> 00:35:29,327 come without thinking about my mom. 808 00:35:31,363 --> 00:35:32,330 - How much are we charging-- - Go fuck yourse-- 809 00:35:32,764 --> 00:35:33,798 What is that? 810 00:35:34,032 --> 00:35:35,567 Well, this feller... 811 00:35:35,567 --> 00:35:38,870 got in front of my truck this morning and well... 812 00:35:38,870 --> 00:35:40,705 well, when Jesus gives you a lemon, 813 00:35:40,705 --> 00:35:43,208 you gotta skin it and make lemonade. 814 00:35:43,775 --> 00:35:44,776 But first... 815 00:35:45,677 --> 00:35:48,013 you gotta take out the intestines. 816 00:35:49,647 --> 00:35:52,317 Kindly the Cowboy, I think he's still alive. 817 00:35:59,124 --> 00:36:01,626 ♪Dance music♪ 818 00:36:28,319 --> 00:36:29,454 Gshhhp. 819 00:36:34,426 --> 00:36:36,161 - Hey, Mom. - Mm-hm? 820 00:36:37,495 --> 00:36:39,864 So, um, 821 00:36:39,864 --> 00:36:41,933 - I was watching this show-- - Mm-hm. 822 00:36:41,933 --> 00:36:43,468 And it said that... 823 00:36:43,468 --> 00:36:46,137 that there's a haunted sorority house in our town. 824 00:36:46,137 --> 00:36:47,639 Is-- is that true? 825 00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:48,540 Mm-hm. 826 00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:49,908 Yeah, um... 827 00:36:49,908 --> 00:36:51,476 there was a fire there 828 00:36:51,476 --> 00:36:53,578 - and a girl died. - Geez. 829 00:36:53,578 --> 00:36:55,513 Yeah, it was really terrible. 830 00:36:55,513 --> 00:36:58,149 But don't go there, because they say it's haunted. 831 00:36:58,149 --> 00:37:00,251 - Okay. - Yeah, spooky things happen. 832 00:37:00,251 --> 00:37:02,120 Okay, I won't go. 833 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:03,354 All right. 834 00:37:03,354 --> 00:37:06,758 ♪Slow doo-wop music♪ 835 00:37:21,473 --> 00:37:22,574 Okay, Josh. 836 00:37:22,574 --> 00:37:23,608 Tell 'em what we're doing tonight. 837 00:37:23,608 --> 00:37:25,610 Well, Ralph and I have this friend in the ninth grade, 838 00:37:25,610 --> 00:37:26,578 Raul Sambid. 839 00:37:26,578 --> 00:37:29,180 He's 'Zombie Alien Hell 4,' 840 00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:31,649 which is the bloodiest film of all time. 841 00:37:31,649 --> 00:37:33,251 And we're gonna film it! 842 00:37:33,251 --> 00:37:35,353 Yes, like everything lately. 843 00:37:35,353 --> 00:37:36,788 You, you're gonna film it. 844 00:37:36,788 --> 00:37:37,255 Me? 845 00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:38,656 I'm gonna enjoy it. 846 00:37:38,656 --> 00:37:40,592 How scary do you think it's gonna be? 847 00:37:41,593 --> 00:37:42,861 What the heck? 848 00:37:43,228 --> 00:37:43,962 What? 849 00:37:45,630 --> 00:37:47,398 Ralph, is that your dad? 850 00:37:50,335 --> 00:37:52,437 What the... 851 00:37:57,509 --> 00:37:57,976 You know what, Josh? 852 00:37:57,976 --> 00:38:01,179 - We should go no-- - ♪poppy music♪ 853 00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:45,390 Hey, Josh? 854 00:38:45,657 --> 00:38:46,558 Yeah? 855 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:50,028 Do you... 856 00:38:50,028 --> 00:38:52,363 ever want to get married some day? 857 00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:56,100 Uhhh I don't know. 858 00:38:56,100 --> 00:38:56,901 Maybe. 859 00:38:56,901 --> 00:38:59,070 I guess that's what you're supposed to do, right? 860 00:38:59,871 --> 00:39:01,940 Yeah. 861 00:39:02,774 --> 00:39:04,609 Do you wanna ever get married? 862 00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:08,012 Yeah. 863 00:39:13,851 --> 00:39:14,719 Cool. 864 00:39:26,497 --> 00:39:27,765 Ralph, c'mon! 865 00:39:31,769 --> 00:39:34,539 And we set the girl on fire... 866 00:39:34,939 --> 00:39:36,875 and the sorority house... 867 00:39:37,308 --> 00:39:38,176 Burnt! 868 00:39:38,176 --> 00:39:39,210 Down! 869 00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:41,246 With her! 870 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:43,514 Cool, man. 871 00:39:43,514 --> 00:39:44,582 What do you mean? 872 00:39:44,983 --> 00:39:46,918 Like, do you think they can touch you and kill you? 873 00:39:46,918 --> 00:39:49,020 Or just scare you and kill you? 874 00:39:50,455 --> 00:39:51,189 Hm. 875 00:39:51,623 --> 00:39:54,192 Well, I know for a fact that they cannot 876 00:39:54,192 --> 00:39:56,527 touch you and kill you because they're invisible. 877 00:39:56,728 --> 00:39:58,463 - Womp womp. - Yeah, but... 878 00:39:58,463 --> 00:40:00,231 have you ever seen a ghost? 879 00:40:00,231 --> 00:40:02,033 I mean, I've never seen a ghost, 880 00:40:02,033 --> 00:40:03,968 and if we can get a ghost on camera, 881 00:40:03,968 --> 00:40:05,536 we could become famous. 882 00:40:05,536 --> 00:40:08,172 I can already see the headlines in the newspaper now. 883 00:40:08,172 --> 00:40:11,709 "Two boys find a ghost in haunted sorority house." 884 00:40:11,709 --> 00:40:16,047 ♪Soft music on TV♪ 885 00:40:20,251 --> 00:40:22,854 Welcome back to 'Sleeping with Joan.' 886 00:40:22,854 --> 00:40:25,924 We've had a long day of painting, cooking, 887 00:40:25,924 --> 00:40:28,026 and plumbing with Joan, and I think we've earned 888 00:40:28,026 --> 00:40:29,928 a good night's rest. 889 00:40:29,928 --> 00:40:32,930 I'm ready to shut my eyes and quiet my mind 890 00:40:32,930 --> 00:40:35,733 for the next four to 25 hours. 891 00:40:36,634 --> 00:40:39,637 A good night's sleep starts with a good blanket. 892 00:40:44,108 --> 00:40:47,445 Leave your house and go to your local blanket store. 893 00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:50,214 Once inside, touch every single blanket 894 00:40:50,214 --> 00:40:52,150 until you've found the right one. 895 00:40:52,150 --> 00:40:53,918 If the people working at the blanket store 896 00:40:53,918 --> 00:40:57,255 say you're being too touchy and ask you to leave... 897 00:40:57,255 --> 00:40:59,090 Just buy the last one you touched. 898 00:40:59,090 --> 00:41:00,191 That'll do. 899 00:41:01,893 --> 00:41:03,895 My favorite thing about my sheets 900 00:41:03,895 --> 00:41:05,663 is how loud they are! 901 00:41:06,297 --> 00:41:07,532 Can ya hear that?! 902 00:41:08,599 --> 00:41:10,735 Almost sounds like they're laughing. 903 00:41:10,735 --> 00:41:14,939 ♪♪♪ 904 00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:17,875 Once you have your sheets, 905 00:41:17,875 --> 00:41:21,412 it's time to make sure you have all your bedside accoutrements. 906 00:41:21,412 --> 00:41:24,549 Fresh cat's milk, whiskey, 907 00:41:24,549 --> 00:41:27,485 and a cabinet full of lucky bones and hair, 908 00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:29,721 to keep the night terrors away. 909 00:41:31,122 --> 00:41:34,592 Once you're lying down, it helps to close your eyes, 910 00:41:34,592 --> 00:41:35,893 like this. 911 00:41:36,894 --> 00:41:40,098 One, two, three. 912 00:41:40,098 --> 00:41:41,466 I'm counting up. 913 00:41:41,466 --> 00:41:42,834 It helps. 914 00:41:42,834 --> 00:41:43,768 All right. 915 00:41:44,635 --> 00:41:47,171 Now, it's your turn to fall asleep. 916 00:41:47,538 --> 00:41:48,673 I'll wait. 917 00:42:01,152 --> 00:42:03,154 ♪As long as I'm here...♪ 918 00:42:03,154 --> 00:42:06,824 45 soul-crushing anthems 919 00:42:06,824 --> 00:42:10,661 on a special edition two-disc CD. 920 00:42:13,331 --> 00:42:16,968 Being sad has never sounded this good. 921 00:42:19,003 --> 00:42:19,904 Hi. 922 00:42:20,271 --> 00:42:21,272 Hi. 923 00:42:21,873 --> 00:42:23,007 Look what I got. 924 00:42:23,007 --> 00:42:25,576 We'll make the Soundwall fit your personality. 925 00:42:25,576 --> 00:42:28,279 He bought her this decorative plate. 926 00:42:28,279 --> 00:42:30,481 Wow, that's-- that's a fun story. 927 00:42:30,481 --> 00:42:31,749 Your look at finance. 928 00:42:31,749 --> 00:42:34,018 Our appraisers are friendly and honest. 929 00:42:34,018 --> 00:42:34,986 We give the highest-- 930 00:42:35,486 --> 00:42:37,255 Used to be a man could walk down the street 931 00:42:37,255 --> 00:42:39,390 with his head held high, 932 00:42:39,390 --> 00:42:41,325 earn an honest wage. 933 00:42:41,893 --> 00:42:43,327 Men used to... 934 00:42:43,327 --> 00:42:45,062 build things. 935 00:42:47,165 --> 00:42:49,500 But then, somewhere along the way, 936 00:42:49,767 --> 00:42:51,369 we were invaded! 937 00:42:52,003 --> 00:42:55,106 By a bunch of Berkeley flag-burnin' commie-- 938 00:42:57,408 --> 00:42:59,310 What in tarnation? 939 00:42:59,310 --> 00:43:04,715 ♪Eerie music♪ 940 00:43:11,656 --> 00:43:13,024 Hello, earthling. 941 00:43:13,524 --> 00:43:17,495 We are three sexy aliens from the Drudru planet. 942 00:43:17,495 --> 00:43:18,429 Aliens? 943 00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:20,498 Wh-- on my little farm? 944 00:43:20,498 --> 00:43:22,333 What are y'all doin' here? 945 00:43:22,333 --> 00:43:24,402 Our planet was suffering from civil war 946 00:43:24,402 --> 00:43:26,404 and our lives were in danger. 947 00:43:26,971 --> 00:43:30,107 We've heard America was built by the hands of immigrants, 948 00:43:30,241 --> 00:43:32,210 that you like to help people in need. 949 00:43:32,210 --> 00:43:34,445 And not to mention, you have the nicest cocks 950 00:43:34,445 --> 00:43:36,080 in the universe. 951 00:43:37,014 --> 00:43:38,449 Well... 952 00:43:38,449 --> 00:43:40,218 I don't know if y'all should be here. 953 00:43:40,218 --> 00:43:43,354 We already got a lot of people here already. 954 00:43:45,690 --> 00:43:46,357 What's goin' on? 955 00:43:46,357 --> 00:43:47,892 What's-- what's goin' on with that alien? 956 00:43:47,892 --> 00:43:49,193 What's wrong with them? 957 00:43:49,193 --> 00:43:52,063 Stardust is not acclimated to your Earth air. 958 00:43:52,063 --> 00:43:53,798 She needs to acclimate. 959 00:43:53,798 --> 00:43:54,966 How do you do that? 960 00:43:54,966 --> 00:43:59,971 We have to have lesbian sex and orgasm multiple times. 961 00:43:59,971 --> 00:44:01,539 ♪♪♪ 962 00:44:01,539 --> 00:44:04,075 ♪piano music♪ 963 00:44:04,208 --> 00:44:05,676 I'm surprised, earthling. 964 00:44:05,676 --> 00:44:09,981 It's customary for an Earth male to join in on our lesbian sex. 965 00:44:09,981 --> 00:44:11,649 Oh, no, I- I'm fine. 966 00:44:11,649 --> 00:44:14,552 I just-- I'm actually really glad that she's doin' okay 967 00:44:14,552 --> 00:44:16,721 and that you guys had your lesbian sex. 968 00:44:16,721 --> 00:44:17,722 That was great. 969 00:44:17,722 --> 00:44:19,991 I just, uh, I'm really tired all the time 970 00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:22,960 and I got all my farming equipment that needs to be f-- 971 00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:26,163 farmed and I'm really stressed. 972 00:44:26,163 --> 00:44:27,064 Perhaps we can help. 973 00:44:27,064 --> 00:44:28,933 We are excellent mechanics. 974 00:44:28,933 --> 00:44:31,302 Your farmhouse is over there, right? 975 00:44:31,302 --> 00:44:33,070 We'll go fix your machines. 976 00:44:40,878 --> 00:44:42,313 Oh my God, they fixed my machines. 977 00:44:42,313 --> 00:44:44,582 That was incredible, they really fixed 'em. 978 00:44:44,582 --> 00:44:46,183 My machines are fixed. 979 00:44:46,717 --> 00:44:47,485 We'll be right-- 980 00:44:47,785 --> 00:44:50,721 - Time to steal. - Are you paranoid? 981 00:44:50,721 --> 00:44:52,623 Studies show you might be. 982 00:44:52,623 --> 00:44:55,693 If you're not, then there's a good chance you are. 983 00:44:55,693 --> 00:44:57,595 - Story at 11. - So I just thought, 984 00:44:57,595 --> 00:44:59,730 "Just see what Jimmy-- 985 00:44:59,730 --> 00:45:00,865 Jimmy the Rat's worth," you know? 986 00:45:00,865 --> 00:45:03,768 Well, I'm happy that you brought him in. 987 00:45:03,768 --> 00:45:06,103 Um, it's a cute name, "Jimmy the Rat." 988 00:45:06,103 --> 00:45:07,238 - Look, he's got-- - He's actually a mouse. 989 00:45:07,238 --> 00:45:09,340 - Sure. - I actually, uh, 990 00:45:09,340 --> 00:45:11,509 personally had one of my own. 991 00:45:11,509 --> 00:45:14,812 Uh, I called mine "Joshy," "Joshy Doll." 992 00:45:14,812 --> 00:45:16,113 That's a dumb name. 993 00:45:16,113 --> 00:45:17,515 Who calls me "Joshy Doll?" 994 00:45:17,515 --> 00:45:19,183 I'll s-- I'm gonna slap you bald. 995 00:45:19,183 --> 00:45:20,484 Oh, somebody already did! 996 00:45:21,552 --> 00:45:22,720 - Well, I-- - Whoa! 997 00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:24,388 Hey Jimmy the Rat, you're hilarious, man. 998 00:45:24,388 --> 00:45:27,258 Um, like I said, the condition of it is 999 00:45:27,258 --> 00:45:29,293 something to consider, if I may. 1000 00:45:29,293 --> 00:45:30,628 Um... 1001 00:45:31,762 --> 00:45:34,198 That's interesting, uh, these... 1002 00:45:34,198 --> 00:45:37,401 were usually attached to the cloth, but here, 1003 00:45:37,401 --> 00:45:41,272 someone has put in some wood nubs-- 1004 00:45:41,272 --> 00:45:42,807 Check it, check it, check it out. 1005 00:45:42,807 --> 00:45:45,977 And then nailed it together, which actually, um... 1006 00:45:45,977 --> 00:45:47,011 I'm Jimmy the Rat. 1007 00:45:47,011 --> 00:45:48,613 Jim-- Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy the Rat-- 1008 00:45:48,613 --> 00:45:49,680 W- where are you from? 1009 00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:50,615 - Me? - Yeah. 1010 00:45:50,615 --> 00:45:51,749 Kalamazoo. 1011 00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:52,950 - Really? - Yeah. 1012 00:45:53,217 --> 00:45:54,719 - Irishtown? - Yeah. 1013 00:45:55,519 --> 00:45:56,454 That's interesting. 1014 00:45:56,454 --> 00:45:58,923 Um, I say that because my dad-- 1015 00:45:58,923 --> 00:46:01,692 - Mm-hm. - Um, before he passed, 1016 00:46:01,692 --> 00:46:05,630 put wood nubs in just like this 1017 00:46:05,963 --> 00:46:08,065 to hold the feet on. 1018 00:46:08,065 --> 00:46:13,504 And this kid, kind of a bully kid, Tony, uh, Tony B., 1019 00:46:13,504 --> 00:46:15,439 um, took my doll. 1020 00:46:16,340 --> 00:46:20,444 So it's-- it's kind of crazy that you have this doll. 1021 00:46:20,444 --> 00:46:23,014 Um, where did you-- where did you purchase it? 1022 00:46:24,181 --> 00:46:26,350 I got it at your sleepover, Teddy. 1023 00:46:27,451 --> 00:46:28,719 - You're Tony B? - And I guess I put it in a box. 1024 00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:29,587 Yeah. 1025 00:46:29,787 --> 00:46:31,989 Come on, I'm on TV 18 hours a day. 1026 00:46:31,989 --> 00:46:32,857 You know me. 1027 00:46:32,857 --> 00:46:34,091 I-- I don't watch-- 1028 00:46:34,091 --> 00:46:35,860 - I don't even own a TV. - Wow! 1029 00:46:35,860 --> 00:46:37,528 The people always say that, it's so funny. 1030 00:46:37,528 --> 00:46:38,729 - Yeah. - Fans always love to say, 1031 00:46:38,729 --> 00:46:39,764 ah, they know you, and then they're like, 1032 00:46:39,764 --> 00:46:40,931 "I never watch anything!" 1033 00:46:40,931 --> 00:46:41,866 - But you do. - Well, I know you 1034 00:46:41,866 --> 00:46:43,167 - from childhood. - Yeah, yeah. 1035 00:46:43,167 --> 00:46:45,102 From being a bully and from stealing my doll. 1036 00:46:45,102 --> 00:46:47,538 - Well-- - ♪cheerful music♪ 1037 00:46:49,273 --> 00:46:50,341 ♪upbeat rock music♪ 1038 00:46:50,341 --> 00:46:51,142 ♪Rocks♪ 1039 00:46:52,777 --> 00:46:53,611 ♪Rock♪ 1040 00:46:55,279 --> 00:46:57,682 ♪Rocks♪ 1041 00:46:57,682 --> 00:46:58,149 ♪Ro--♪ 1042 00:47:02,987 --> 00:47:03,988 ♪Rocks♪ 1043 00:47:07,858 --> 00:47:08,592 ♪Rocks♪ 1044 00:47:10,328 --> 00:47:11,162 ♪Rock♪ 1045 00:47:11,929 --> 00:47:14,432 ♪cheerful music♪ 1046 00:47:15,566 --> 00:47:16,834 So how much is it worth? 1047 00:47:17,301 --> 00:47:20,104 Well, uh, in the box, the original box, 1048 00:47:20,104 --> 00:47:22,873 uh, these dolls usually can go for around $500-- 1049 00:47:22,873 --> 00:47:24,141 - Uh-huh. - 400 to 500. 1050 00:47:24,141 --> 00:47:25,976 Because of the disrepair, though-- 1051 00:47:25,976 --> 00:47:26,377 Uh-huh. 1052 00:47:26,377 --> 00:47:29,013 And the-- the, um, poor care that you've given this doll-- 1053 00:47:29,013 --> 00:47:31,315 - Uh-huh. - I would, uh, assume 1054 00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:34,852 that it would go for around 150 to $200. 1055 00:47:34,852 --> 00:47:36,454 I'll take 500, Teddy. 1056 00:47:37,088 --> 00:47:38,756 Um, again, it doesn't have the box. 1057 00:47:38,756 --> 00:47:40,858 Your dead daddy made the feet, I thought. 1058 00:47:40,858 --> 00:47:42,159 Maybe you don't care so it doesn't have 1059 00:47:42,159 --> 00:47:43,794 that kind of sentimental value to you. 1060 00:47:44,628 --> 00:47:47,164 Aw, no, no, don't drop me back in a mold! 1061 00:47:47,164 --> 00:47:48,532 I don't wanna go in a mold! 1062 00:47:50,034 --> 00:47:51,168 Take-- take it. 1063 00:47:51,402 --> 00:47:52,970 If you're so tough, take-- take it. 1064 00:47:53,771 --> 00:47:54,705 650. 1065 00:47:55,473 --> 00:47:57,708 - What? - $650. 1066 00:47:57,708 --> 00:47:59,210 You said $500. 1067 00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:00,745 - It's worth two-- - That was a minute ago. 1068 00:48:00,745 --> 00:48:02,279 We're done negotiating. 1069 00:48:02,279 --> 00:48:03,614 Now, he's my boyfriend. 1070 00:48:04,381 --> 00:48:05,583 Don't you f-- kiss him! 1071 00:48:05,583 --> 00:48:06,317 Don't-- do it. 1072 00:48:06,317 --> 00:48:07,852 Do it, take it. 1073 00:48:07,852 --> 00:48:08,519 Take it. 1074 00:48:09,820 --> 00:48:10,454 Take it. 1075 00:48:12,423 --> 00:48:15,092 ♪Cheerful music♪ 1076 00:48:19,964 --> 00:48:21,699 Are you a hot-blooded American? 1077 00:48:27,138 --> 00:48:29,473 The answer is just around the cor-- 1078 00:48:29,473 --> 00:48:30,708 Okay, aliens. 1079 00:48:30,708 --> 00:48:33,444 I'm gonna drive you into town, where maybe you can get jobs 1080 00:48:33,444 --> 00:48:35,746 as mechanics, 'cause all of our mechanics 1081 00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:37,381 went into the big city. 1082 00:48:37,381 --> 00:48:40,151 But I have to warn you, the sheriff of the town? 1083 00:48:40,151 --> 00:48:42,820 He doesn't like blonde people because 1084 00:48:42,820 --> 00:48:45,389 a Swedish person murdered his best friend. 1085 00:48:45,389 --> 00:48:47,825 Oh no, how bad! 1086 00:48:47,825 --> 00:48:49,360 Not murder! 1087 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,463 But, surely he can't think that all Swedish people 1088 00:48:52,463 --> 00:48:54,298 with blonde hair are bad. 1089 00:48:54,298 --> 00:48:57,234 Don't people with brown hair kill people all the time? 1090 00:48:57,234 --> 00:48:58,369 Why aren't they banned? 1091 00:48:58,369 --> 00:48:59,670 That's a good question. 1092 00:48:59,670 --> 00:49:02,273 That's a good question that we should explore. 1093 00:49:02,273 --> 00:49:03,607 Is that a smoke? 1094 00:49:03,607 --> 00:49:04,842 What's that smoke? 1095 00:49:04,842 --> 00:49:05,543 Oh no! 1096 00:49:05,543 --> 00:49:06,877 The car's breakin' down. 1097 00:49:06,877 --> 00:49:08,913 - Aw, God. - Oh no! 1098 00:49:08,913 --> 00:49:09,847 What's that smoke? 1099 00:49:09,847 --> 00:49:12,116 There's smoke comin' out of the hood. 1100 00:49:12,116 --> 00:49:13,818 What's goin' on with this car? 1101 00:49:13,818 --> 00:49:14,618 Look! 1102 00:49:14,618 --> 00:49:16,687 An Earth mechanic shop! 1103 00:49:16,687 --> 00:49:19,290 ♪Country guitar♪ 1104 00:49:27,064 --> 00:49:28,732 - Hey, sir. - Hey. 1105 00:49:29,033 --> 00:49:31,435 Could we get some greasy oil for this car? 1106 00:49:31,435 --> 00:49:33,604 What seems to be the problem? 1107 00:49:35,940 --> 00:49:37,174 I fixed your car. 1108 00:49:37,174 --> 00:49:38,976 All right, what's goin' on here? 1109 00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:41,345 Do y'all have a work permit to work? 1110 00:49:41,345 --> 00:49:42,913 Sheriff Cocker, wait. 1111 00:49:42,913 --> 00:49:45,049 These girls immigrated from outer space. 1112 00:49:45,049 --> 00:49:48,419 They can all do the jobs regular Americans don't wanna do 1113 00:49:48,419 --> 00:49:49,453 or can't do. 1114 00:49:49,453 --> 00:49:51,088 Wait a second. 1115 00:49:51,088 --> 00:49:54,758 Are you all sexy illegal Swedish aliens from space? 1116 00:49:54,758 --> 00:49:55,326 Huh! 1117 00:49:55,326 --> 00:49:56,093 That's it. 1118 00:49:56,093 --> 00:49:57,628 Everyone's goin' to jail! 1119 00:49:57,628 --> 00:49:59,897 ♪Country guitar♪ 1120 00:50:01,065 --> 00:50:03,133 We need the key, which... 1121 00:50:03,133 --> 00:50:04,702 we don't have a key. 1122 00:50:05,469 --> 00:50:06,904 Fara, you're forgetting. 1123 00:50:07,738 --> 00:50:11,976 Our mouths can shape a key out of any long... 1124 00:50:11,976 --> 00:50:14,445 hard... 1125 00:50:14,445 --> 00:50:16,180 object. 1126 00:50:16,180 --> 00:50:18,315 That's a power we have. 1127 00:50:18,315 --> 00:50:21,085 And we just need a long, hard object 1128 00:50:21,085 --> 00:50:23,654 to make a key with with our mouths. 1129 00:50:26,056 --> 00:50:28,792 Oh... gross, girls... 1130 00:50:28,792 --> 00:50:33,764 I-- I'm a married man who loves my wife. 1131 00:50:33,764 --> 00:50:37,001 I've loved her since the moment I saw her 1132 00:50:37,001 --> 00:50:38,869 at our high school dance. 1133 00:50:38,869 --> 00:50:42,072 She was wearing a beautiful summer dress 1134 00:50:43,173 --> 00:50:46,076 and she had flowers on it. 1135 00:50:46,443 --> 00:50:50,114 And she smelled like plums and... 1136 00:50:50,114 --> 00:50:53,417 sometimes in life, things change and y-- 1137 00:50:53,417 --> 00:50:58,088 you can't always be attracted to the partner that you are with. 1138 00:50:58,756 --> 00:50:59,623 We did it. 1139 00:50:59,623 --> 00:51:00,791 Let's get outta here. 1140 00:51:00,791 --> 00:51:03,494 ♪Triumphant music♪ 1141 00:51:03,494 --> 00:51:06,096 But I love me some KC and the Sunshine Band. 1142 00:51:06,096 --> 00:51:08,265 I know Natalie 'cause, uh, she work-- 1143 00:51:08,265 --> 00:51:11,101 uh, I work at the video store and she comes by and... 1144 00:51:11,101 --> 00:51:14,872 uh, rents some videos, so that how I, uh... 1145 00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:18,042 So, uh... 1146 00:51:19,443 --> 00:51:20,744 what's up? 1147 00:51:21,378 --> 00:51:22,713 Well-- well... 1148 00:51:24,114 --> 00:51:26,483 Um, today is a very interesting day. 1149 00:51:26,483 --> 00:51:31,055 Um, Venus is making its inferior conjunction with Planet Earth. 1150 00:51:31,355 --> 00:51:32,323 Oh, uh, really? 1151 00:51:32,323 --> 00:51:33,824 Is this Natalie? 1152 00:51:33,824 --> 00:51:35,025 The Natalie? 1153 00:51:35,693 --> 00:51:38,762 Uh, my mom, uh, just takes random pictures 1154 00:51:38,762 --> 00:51:40,197 of people in my show 1155 00:51:40,197 --> 00:51:43,133 - so don't pay attention. - Well, she's not random, honey. 1156 00:51:43,133 --> 00:51:44,902 Grace, you're embarrassing our little girl. 1157 00:51:44,902 --> 00:51:46,737 Hey, why don't I, uh, play a song? 1158 00:51:46,737 --> 00:51:48,138 I mean, your parents are obviously 1159 00:51:48,138 --> 00:51:49,807 - making you uncomfortable. - Okay, she's gonna play a song. 1160 00:51:57,681 --> 00:51:59,984 ♪"Generation Why" by Weyes Blood♪ 1161 00:52:21,772 --> 00:52:26,777 ♪Goin' to see the end of days♪ 1162 00:52:29,079 --> 00:52:34,084 ♪I've been hangin' on my phone all day♪ 1163 00:52:38,055 --> 00:52:43,060 ♪When the fear goes away♪ 1164 00:52:45,996 --> 00:52:50,367 ♪I might not need to stay♪ 1165 00:52:53,370 --> 00:52:55,706 ♪On this sinking ship♪ 1166 00:52:57,374 --> 00:52:58,742 ♪For long♪ 1167 00:53:02,346 --> 00:53:05,816 ♪I can give it away everyday♪ 1168 00:53:07,317 --> 00:53:10,220 ♪I can fly♪ 1169 00:53:10,220 --> 00:53:14,391 ♪And spend all my seconds♪ 1170 00:53:14,391 --> 00:53:19,163 ♪Like they're my last♪ 1171 00:53:20,130 --> 00:53:25,102 ♪It's not the past♪ 1172 00:53:30,007 --> 00:53:33,243 ♪That scares me♪ 1173 00:53:38,048 --> 00:53:43,053 ♪Now, what a great future this is gonna be♪ 1174 00:53:48,959 --> 00:53:53,964 ♪Y-O-L-O♪ 1175 00:53:57,634 --> 00:54:02,506 ♪Why?♪ 1176 00:54:06,210 --> 00:54:11,215 ♪Y-O-L-O♪ 1177 00:54:14,785 --> 00:54:19,790 ♪Why?♪ 1178 00:54:23,427 --> 00:54:27,197 ♪Used to think it was bad♪ 1179 00:54:27,197 --> 00:54:31,368 ♪That we were all going mad♪ 1180 00:54:31,368 --> 00:54:36,373 ♪But now it's time to leave♪ 1181 00:54:40,144 --> 00:54:45,149 ♪Goodbye those old things♪ 1182 00:54:49,119 --> 00:54:54,124 ♪Carry me through the waves of change♪ 1183 00:55:00,831 --> 00:55:05,836 ♪Carry me through the waves of change♪ 1184 00:55:13,043 --> 00:55:17,247 ♪I know my place♪ 1185 00:55:18,115 --> 00:55:23,120 ♪It's a beautiful thing♪ 1186 00:55:28,659 --> 00:55:33,664 ♪Now♪ 1187 00:55:37,434 --> 00:55:42,439 ♪♪♪ 1188 00:55:53,250 --> 00:55:55,886 ♪Y-O--♪ 1189 00:55:55,886 --> 00:55:57,421 Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot! 1190 00:55:57,421 --> 00:55:58,455 No, no, no! 1191 00:55:59,923 --> 00:56:00,924 Aw, crap! 1192 00:56:02,593 --> 00:56:06,530 ♪Slow jazzy music♪ 1193 00:56:13,804 --> 00:56:14,771 - ...for the camera? - I just did it! 1194 00:56:14,771 --> 00:56:15,305 It's over! 1195 00:56:15,305 --> 00:56:17,040 - The moment's gone. - Aw, man. 1196 00:56:18,742 --> 00:56:20,177 But we should go soon. 1197 00:56:20,177 --> 00:56:21,612 Uh, are you coming with us? 1198 00:56:21,612 --> 00:56:22,546 No. 1199 00:56:22,546 --> 00:56:23,847 I'm going to the movies. 1200 00:56:25,415 --> 00:56:26,283 All right. 1201 00:56:26,283 --> 00:56:27,384 - You ready? - Mm-hm. 1202 00:56:27,384 --> 00:56:28,118 'Kay. 1203 00:56:35,158 --> 00:56:36,360 You getting some good stuff? 1204 00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:37,861 - Uh-huh. - Mm-hm. 1205 00:57:01,118 --> 00:57:02,185 Gimme that thing. 1206 00:57:02,185 --> 00:57:04,288 - Huh? - The camera. 1207 00:57:29,246 --> 00:57:34,251 ♪Chords on keyboard♪ 1208 00:57:47,531 --> 00:57:49,599 - Ralphie! - Y- yeah? 1209 00:57:49,599 --> 00:57:50,734 Sounds great, buddy. 1210 00:57:50,734 --> 00:57:52,202 - Thank you. - You've been practicin'. 1211 00:57:52,536 --> 00:57:54,571 Uh, just-- just a song I made. 1212 00:57:54,571 --> 00:57:55,372 You made it up? 1213 00:57:55,372 --> 00:57:56,540 - Yeah. - Cool. 1214 00:57:57,407 --> 00:57:58,475 Well, we're gonna go. 1215 00:57:58,475 --> 00:57:59,476 - Okay. - Okay? 1216 00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:00,410 Keep workin' on it, bud. 1217 00:58:00,410 --> 00:58:01,778 - I will. - You all right? 1218 00:58:01,778 --> 00:58:03,113 - Yeah. - Okay. 1219 00:58:03,714 --> 00:58:05,415 - We'll see ya later. - Bye. 1220 00:58:06,316 --> 00:58:10,420 ♪Slow jazzy music♪ 1221 00:58:10,420 --> 00:58:12,089 Okay, so if you find this video, 1222 00:58:12,089 --> 00:58:14,624 - we're-- - We are probably dead. 1223 00:58:14,624 --> 00:58:15,592 - Yes. - We're going to 1224 00:58:15,592 --> 00:58:17,894 - a sorority house-- - That's haunted! 1225 00:58:17,894 --> 00:58:19,696 Probably haunted. 1226 00:58:19,696 --> 00:58:21,832 But I just hope we don't die. 1227 00:58:23,166 --> 00:58:24,568 Yeah, like I said, if you're watching this, 1228 00:58:24,568 --> 00:58:25,402 we're dead. 1229 00:58:30,540 --> 00:58:31,575 This day has been the most-- 1230 00:58:41,685 --> 00:58:43,520 Spooky. 1231 00:58:45,155 --> 00:58:47,057 This is so creepy. 1232 00:59:19,856 --> 00:59:21,825 No, no, no, no, no. 1233 00:59:22,726 --> 00:59:23,660 Bless you. 1234 00:59:30,066 --> 00:59:32,235 Ugh, I don't like it here. 1235 00:59:36,773 --> 00:59:38,408 This room is creepy. 1236 00:59:39,509 --> 00:59:40,310 Yeah. 1237 00:59:42,813 --> 00:59:46,716 Hey, tell the-- tell the people where we are. 1238 00:59:46,716 --> 00:59:48,685 Looks like... 1239 00:59:49,786 --> 00:59:51,655 Beta Z. 1240 00:59:53,390 --> 00:59:57,127 This is the piano that that girl played in the talent show, 1241 00:59:57,127 --> 00:59:58,628 right before they burned that other one 1242 00:59:58,628 --> 01:00:00,197 to the stake on the lawn. 1243 01:00:00,197 --> 01:00:02,766 That's why this house looks so burnt. 1244 01:00:02,766 --> 01:00:04,801 Like, how creepy would it be 1245 01:00:04,801 --> 01:00:06,403 if you were sleeping in your bed, 1246 01:00:06,403 --> 01:00:07,671 in the middle of the night, 1247 01:00:07,671 --> 01:00:09,473 and you heard this... 1248 01:00:09,473 --> 01:00:11,274 ♪plinks on piano♪ 1249 01:00:11,274 --> 01:00:12,809 It's creepy, right? 1250 01:00:12,809 --> 01:00:15,412 - Yeh, let's-- let's-- - ♪♪♪ 1251 01:00:15,412 --> 01:00:16,713 Dude, stop! 1252 01:00:16,947 --> 01:00:18,415 You're creeping me out. 1253 01:00:22,385 --> 01:00:23,453 ♪Plinks on piano♪ 1254 01:00:23,453 --> 01:00:24,621 What was that? 1255 01:00:40,670 --> 01:00:43,206 - Oh, my God. - Ralph, where are you?! 1256 01:00:43,206 --> 01:00:44,074 I'm right here! 1257 01:00:44,074 --> 01:00:46,610 Ralph, this way! 1258 01:00:46,610 --> 01:00:48,812 Ralph, run! 1259 01:00:55,051 --> 01:00:57,153 Ralph! 1260 01:00:57,153 --> 01:00:58,722 ♪Eerie music♪ 1261 01:00:58,722 --> 01:00:59,823 Ralph! 1262 01:00:59,823 --> 01:01:03,460 ♪♪♪ 1263 01:01:05,128 --> 01:01:05,762 What are you doing?! 1264 01:01:05,762 --> 01:01:06,196 Come on! 1265 01:01:06,196 --> 01:01:07,797 - Let's go! - No! 1266 01:01:09,566 --> 01:01:11,334 - Ralph! - I think... 1267 01:01:11,334 --> 01:01:13,637 I have to plug it in. 1268 01:01:35,025 --> 01:01:36,793 What's that music? 1269 01:01:38,361 --> 01:01:40,330 - What is this place? - A friend of your wife's. 1270 01:01:40,330 --> 01:01:41,531 What was her name, Claire-- 1271 01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:42,465 Shut up! 1272 01:01:42,465 --> 01:01:43,733 She's gonna see this! 1273 01:01:43,733 --> 01:01:44,768 David... 1274 01:01:45,302 --> 01:01:46,002 Dad? 1275 01:01:46,002 --> 01:01:47,270 - Excuse me? - What are you doing here? 1276 01:01:47,270 --> 01:01:48,038 It's my wedding. 1277 01:01:48,038 --> 01:01:49,072 I gotta go. 1278 01:01:55,645 --> 01:01:56,580 Lou? 1279 01:01:57,047 --> 01:01:58,982 Are you a hot-blooded American? 1280 01:01:58,982 --> 01:02:00,684 Do you like bloody-hot meats? 1281 01:02:00,684 --> 01:02:01,651 No, I'm-- I'm good. 1282 01:02:01,651 --> 01:02:03,053 - Hey, Ralph. - Hey, Ralph. 1283 01:02:03,053 --> 01:02:03,820 Sonny! 1284 01:02:03,820 --> 01:02:05,155 Sonny, over here! 1285 01:02:05,155 --> 01:02:06,790 - Are you lost? - What? 1286 01:02:06,790 --> 01:02:08,391 Who are you with, huh? 1287 01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:09,259 Who are you with? 1288 01:02:09,259 --> 01:02:10,994 Are you with us or against us? 1289 01:02:10,994 --> 01:02:12,395 - Just 'cause -- - Rita? 1290 01:02:12,395 --> 01:02:14,864 - Hi, Ralph. - What's going on? 1291 01:02:15,565 --> 01:02:16,032 What's up? 1292 01:02:16,032 --> 01:02:17,934 I got wood delivery. 1293 01:02:18,368 --> 01:02:19,269 Mom! 1294 01:02:19,269 --> 01:02:20,337 - Dad! - Every time we go out, 1295 01:02:20,337 --> 01:02:21,671 - you have a problem! - Hey! 1296 01:02:21,671 --> 01:02:23,306 Are you a hot-blooded American? 1297 01:02:23,306 --> 01:02:25,308 Do you like bloody-hot meats? 1298 01:02:25,308 --> 01:02:26,743 Mom! 1299 01:02:26,743 --> 01:02:28,812 What about the human spirit? 1300 01:02:28,812 --> 01:02:31,581 And we have some breaking news. 1301 01:02:31,581 --> 01:02:33,516 We are living in a simulation. 1302 01:02:33,516 --> 01:02:34,684 Let's go live. 1303 01:02:35,285 --> 01:02:37,454 Thank you all for coming. 1304 01:02:37,454 --> 01:02:40,824 I've been asked to speak at many weddings, 1305 01:02:40,824 --> 01:02:44,527 probably more times than I've been married myself. 1306 01:02:46,696 --> 01:02:48,798 , You know me. 1307 01:02:55,472 --> 01:02:56,139 God! 1308 01:02:56,873 --> 01:02:59,676 I-- I've been poisoned! 1309 01:03:00,110 --> 01:03:01,044 You! 1310 01:03:01,044 --> 01:03:02,212 Joan! 1311 01:03:02,212 --> 01:03:03,947 You have betrayed me! 1312 01:03:05,081 --> 01:03:07,917 Welcome back to Poisoning with Joan. 1313 01:03:07,917 --> 01:03:09,519 She's a witch! 1314 01:03:11,388 --> 01:03:12,088 Run! 1315 01:03:12,088 --> 01:03:13,223 Run! 1316 01:03:15,859 --> 01:03:20,864 ♪Slow country music♪ 1317 01:03:31,207 --> 01:03:32,409 Ralphie? 1318 01:03:33,009 --> 01:03:34,444 Did you hear that? 1319 01:03:34,611 --> 01:03:35,945 Let's go check it out. 1320 01:03:35,945 --> 01:03:37,247 Don't go, don't go. 1321 01:03:37,247 --> 01:03:37,981 Why? 1322 01:03:37,981 --> 01:03:40,650 ♪♪♪ 1323 01:03:40,650 --> 01:03:42,519 - Mom? - Hey, Ralphie. 1324 01:03:44,721 --> 01:03:47,323 You know you're recording over our wedding tape. 1325 01:03:49,292 --> 01:03:51,194 Did you know he was late? 1326 01:03:52,429 --> 01:03:54,964 How can you be late for your own wedding? 1327 01:03:56,399 --> 01:03:58,468 If anyone's gonna be late, it should be me. 1328 01:04:01,204 --> 01:04:03,106 It was a disaster anyway. 1329 01:04:05,775 --> 01:04:09,145 Your uncle punched your grandfather in the face, 1330 01:04:09,145 --> 01:04:11,314 and my best friend had an allergic reaction 1331 01:04:11,314 --> 01:04:12,716 and almost died. 1332 01:04:13,616 --> 01:04:15,885 And your dad didn't help with any of it. 1333 01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,089 Why'd you marry him? 1334 01:04:21,991 --> 01:04:23,827 That's a personal question. 1335 01:04:24,594 --> 01:04:25,862 It's just... 1336 01:04:26,629 --> 01:04:29,466 maybe you'll forget or never tell me. 1337 01:04:30,133 --> 01:04:30,900 And... 1338 01:04:30,900 --> 01:04:33,870 I would like to know while we have a fresh start. 1339 01:04:33,870 --> 01:04:37,273 ♪♪♪ 1340 01:04:37,273 --> 01:04:40,944 Before your father got there, I remember... 1341 01:04:41,511 --> 01:04:43,613 I walked outside of the church 1342 01:04:43,613 --> 01:04:46,883 and there was this beautiful orange tree. 1343 01:04:49,252 --> 01:04:52,489 And I remember there was a breeze and... 1344 01:04:53,256 --> 01:04:55,992 the smell was amazing. 1345 01:04:58,228 --> 01:05:01,498 And in that moment, I forgot about everything. 1346 01:05:02,065 --> 01:05:04,334 I didn't care that your dad was late 1347 01:05:04,334 --> 01:05:06,302 or that my shoes were too tight 1348 01:05:06,302 --> 01:05:08,438 or that my sister was already drunk. 1349 01:05:11,241 --> 01:05:14,410 All I wanted was for him to be there to share it with me. 1350 01:05:14,410 --> 01:05:17,547 ♪♪♪ 1351 01:05:17,547 --> 01:05:19,249 He would've made it better. 1352 01:05:22,852 --> 01:05:25,121 And that's what I remember from my wedding. 1353 01:05:27,323 --> 01:05:30,260 It's the only important part of that day. 1354 01:05:31,561 --> 01:05:32,695 Not the tape. 1355 01:05:35,732 --> 01:05:38,635 This video, this recording... 1356 01:05:40,170 --> 01:05:42,939 it's just a smudge on magnetic strip. 1357 01:05:43,873 --> 01:05:45,041 Go home, Ralph. 1358 01:05:49,879 --> 01:05:51,714 Run, run, run! 1359 01:06:04,394 --> 01:06:06,329 I think we're onto something. 1360 01:06:06,329 --> 01:06:11,334 ♪"Flamingo" by Fruit Bats♪ 1361 01:06:11,734 --> 01:06:16,739 ♪The place where I was born is a vague memory♪ 1362 01:06:23,179 --> 01:06:28,184 ♪Like the flakes in the snow of a broke-down TV♪ 1363 01:06:35,558 --> 01:06:40,563 ♪It could be in the big city or in a beautiful dell♪ 1364 01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:47,604 ♪♪♪ 1365 01:06:47,604 --> 01:06:52,609 ♪With a red corn silo or a broken church bell♪ 1366 01:06:54,844 --> 01:06:58,014 ♪♪♪ 1367 01:06:58,014 --> 01:07:00,850 ♪Here we go again♪ 1368 01:07:00,850 --> 01:07:04,821 ♪♪♪ 1369 01:07:23,539 --> 01:07:26,142 ♪Well, the girls would all be pretty♪ 1370 01:07:26,142 --> 01:07:29,545 ♪And the men quiet and strong♪ 1371 01:07:29,545 --> 01:07:32,882 ♪♪♪ 1372 01:07:35,485 --> 01:07:38,187 ♪And the autumn is beautiful♪ 1373 01:07:38,187 --> 01:07:41,157 ♪And the summer not too long♪ 1374 01:07:41,491 --> 01:07:44,427 ♪♪♪ 1375 01:07:46,996 --> 01:07:50,333 ♪Rains of May would come a-pourin' ♪ 1376 01:07:50,333 --> 01:07:53,903 ♪Like the Genesis flood♪ 1377 01:07:53,903 --> 01:07:57,573 ♪♪♪ 1378 01:07:59,542 --> 01:08:04,414 ♪Left the old pink flamingo face down in the mud♪ 1379 01:08:06,482 --> 01:08:08,651 ♪♪♪ 1380 01:08:10,219 --> 01:08:12,789 ♪Here we go again♪ 1381 01:08:14,123 --> 01:08:17,360 ♪♪♪ 1382 01:08:23,333 --> 01:08:28,338 ♪Well, the last thing I'll do before I call it quits♪ 1383 01:08:29,839 --> 01:08:34,544 ♪Is probably dream just a little bit♪ 1384 01:08:35,878 --> 01:08:40,883 ♪But nothin' too hard on my sweet fadin' mind♪ 1385 01:08:41,985 --> 01:08:44,487 ♪'Cause everything, everything's♪ 1386 01:08:44,487 --> 01:08:48,091 ♪Gonna be just fine♪ 1387 01:08:48,091 --> 01:08:50,760 ♪But everything, everything's♪ 1388 01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:54,130 ♪Gonna be just fine♪ 1389 01:08:54,130 --> 01:09:00,136 ♪Everything, everything's gonna be just fine♪ 1390 01:09:00,136 --> 01:09:05,141 ♪And everything, everything's gonna be just fine♪ 1391 01:09:06,576 --> 01:09:11,581 ♪Everything, everything's gonna be just fine♪ 1392 01:09:11,748 --> 01:09:16,753 ♪♪♪ 1393 01:09:22,525 --> 01:09:23,326 ♪Whoo♪ 1394 01:09:24,460 --> 01:09:28,998 ♪♪♪ 1395 01:09:44,213 --> 01:09:46,315 So, I'm guess this is the end of our movie 1396 01:09:46,315 --> 01:09:48,985 - and it was too intense-- - Pretty crazy, intense, 1397 01:09:48,985 --> 01:09:49,719 - scary. - Scary. 1398 01:09:49,719 --> 01:09:50,753 We can't do this anymore. 1399 01:09:50,753 --> 01:09:51,888 I mean, just... 1400 01:09:51,888 --> 01:09:52,889 What do you wanna do? 1401 01:09:52,889 --> 01:09:54,290 I don't know, play music? 1402 01:09:54,290 --> 01:09:55,758 Sure, let's go. 1403 01:09:55,758 --> 01:10:00,763 ♪"Babyyy" by Grace Ives♪ 1404 01:10:10,039 --> 01:10:14,177 ♪You were deep in the dark♪ ♪I'm a shape in the dark♪ 1405 01:10:14,177 --> 01:10:15,711 ♪Pining for you♪ 1406 01:10:16,746 --> 01:10:19,615 ♪I talk a lot♪ ♪Never stay in one spot♪ 1407 01:10:19,615 --> 01:10:22,552 ♪You know I'm rooting for you♪ 1408 01:10:23,786 --> 01:10:27,190 ♪Mm-hm playing that song about you♪ 1409 01:10:30,727 --> 01:10:34,263 ♪They keep playing that song about you♪ 1410 01:10:37,667 --> 01:10:42,672 ♪♪♪ 1411 01:10:57,653 --> 01:11:01,157 ♪I have been dancing♪ ♪You are romancing♪ 1412 01:11:01,157 --> 01:11:04,594 ♪I caught a glance and♪ ♪Found you in a trance and♪ 1413 01:11:04,594 --> 01:11:08,097 ♪Thought this wouldn't phase me♪ ♪Now you call her baby♪ 1414 01:11:08,097 --> 01:11:11,567 ♪I'm scared you don't see me♪ ♪Now I just feel crazy♪ 1415 01:11:11,567 --> 01:11:13,236 ♪Think that I'll go home♪ 1416 01:11:13,236 --> 01:11:18,241 ♪♪♪ 1417 01:11:26,349 --> 01:11:29,218 ♪Dancin'♪ ♪You are romancin'♪ 1418 01:11:29,218 --> 01:11:32,455 ♪I caught a glance and♪ ♪Found you in a trance and♪ 1419 01:11:32,455 --> 01:11:36,058 ♪Thought this wouldn't phase me♪ ♪You call her baby♪ 1420 01:11:36,058 --> 01:11:39,495 ♪I'm scared you don't see me♪ ♪Now I just feel crazy♪ 1421 01:11:46,435 --> 01:11:48,137 It's a... 1422 01:11:48,704 --> 01:11:50,139 hot winter? 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